darkenthusiastexpert

22, and i want to live

[darkenthusiastexperts-blog]

Things i love

Cats

Books

Netfllix

Naruto

Demon slayers

History

Statutes

Art

Paintings

Food

Mukbangs

Rings

Bracelets

Tote bags

Side bags

Cute phone covers

Cafes

Solo movie dates

Solo dates

Comfy and cool fashion

Comfy sandals

Genuine compliments

Loved ones' perception of me

Loved ones complimenting me

Someone finger combing through my hair

Someone patting my back

Eye contact

[loveridden1999]

[stuckinapril]

“Do it scared” “do it alone” are all great tips, but my biggest takeaway from therapy is do it messy. This is especially true if you’re getting out of a burnout, which I experience often. Literally just do it messy. You don’t need to pick the perfect trail to walk, the perfect playlist to listen to, whatever the fuck it is. You don’t need to have a meticulous to do list and wake up at the exact time you planned and drink the exact amount of water you planned to drink. Like the biggest thing for people like me to remember is sometimes it’s okay to do it messy. Put on a random yt workout and just get it done in sweats. Do 5 minutes of a daunting task and go from there. Sometimes just getting up is a win during intense burnouts or depressive funks. Literally just do it messy.

[sparklingluminarywizard]

I hate how everything in this world is about love but how out of reach love is to me.

[winged-thinged]

You have to let people love you. You have to let people get to know you. You have to let people help you. Being so completely selfless that you try to erase yourself off the face of the planet and never ask for anything and reject everybody's offers of support makes you very hard to love! Unfortunately. Emptying yourself out of everything that makes you, you is not actually what your loved ones want from you, generally. They want to make you happy! They will be so so sad if you don't give them the chance. It's not all selfish. I promise.

[kosmogrl]

[darkenthusiastexperts-blog]

Im looking for orange again

It used to be a specific shade of orange that reminded me of you

Now any shade of orange will do

And orange is not even a colour a person would usually like

Or see often

But now i find comfort in it

Because in some sense or way the universe is gifting you to me

In the smallest of ways

Im a psych ward patient,

Stalking your friends

Stalking you

I tried to let it cool down

Let this go

After all,

You are not into me

But then again you look at me like you are

Or its my desperate heart twisting it all to console me

My friends are getting tired of listening to me talk about you

I mean its the same story

But then again im never tired of reliving it

Because i get to feel something

And even with my eyes open,

I get to see you at the back of my mind

Im trying to hold you close to me in any way i can

Because my heart really fancies you

But you dont want me so this is the only way

My sister says she cant wait for this phase of my life to finish

And that stopped me in my tracks briefly

Because down the line, i will move on right

And i wont think of you

I wont think of your eyes on me

I wont think of your smile

I wont think of the moments that were ours

And this wont matter

The lines i wrote for you will lose it's shine and fade away

And they will just be words that won't even work on me

It will feel like banging on a door locked tight and sealed away and nobody will hear the knocking

And im scared of that

Im scared of how something can mean so much to you one moment

And then seasons change and

Things lose their value and things get replaced

Things and people

I just didnt want you to be one of them

Thats kinda crazy for me to say when you clearly said you didnt want me

Or something like that

That should be enough to let go

That should be enough to move on from this

Thats wht my friends and family says

Thats what my mind says

But my heart always seemed to latch onto things like an octopus would

Even the things that didn't want me

Especially those things

Im squeezing every last drop of my feelings for you onto paper

Maybe I'll look back at these in fascination when this is over

And I'll wonder how i could have loved and fancied someone so much when they gave me nothing in return

I will be jealous of my own self

Or maybe i wont

Because maybe in the future someone loves me so much that i wont have feel jealous of the girl who tried to climb mountains for bread crumbs

My beautiful boy

No wonder you couldn't be mine

I obviously dont know how to hold beautiful things in my hands anyway

And I'd rather watch you be beautiful than ever try to have you to myself

Im sorry i tried

I wanted to know if you would want that too

Im sorry i scared you

Im sorry i like you too much without even really knowing you

You got pretty eyes

And they are prettier everytime they look at me

Gosh you were the prettiest when it felt like you could be mine

And maybe thats why i write so much

Because you would never be mine

And this is the only consolation

These endless words

Going in circles

Looking for the perfect phrases

Only to stop right where my awkward confession meets your awkward rejection

'I love you' are words i feel

But words that feel ridiculous when i think of my situation

No i cant love you.

I dont even know you

You dont even WANT to know me

And you said you got a girl, maybe in your mind

Or maybe in your life

Or maybe it was an excuse make me stop

What doesnt give you clarity keeps you running like a hamster on a wheel

Until you choose grace and acceptance

But maybe this is my way of finding it

I cant be brave about this

Im totally unhinged when it comes to you

Sometimes i see you the way the world probably does

Just a young guy

With a decent body

And trendy fashion sense

And maybe a decent face card

But then everything shifts when i remember how it felt to be under your gaze

I see you all cool and hot

I like you first just for the way you look

And when you finally laid your eyes on me and smiled

Thats when i should have stopped

Instead i took the risk and went all in

And before i knew it

I was falling

And then im given to you

But you are not given to me

And that's how it's always been

Just this time i thought it would be different

I thought wrong

I dont think the universe is that cruel

I dont even think my karma is that bad

Maybe i will meet someone

Or maybe i will meet you in another body

In a person who will want me and accept me

Maybe this is necessary for a reason beyond my knowledge

And maybe i will see the lesson when this is all over

Until that i will try not to write too much

About the boy im so crazy about

Maybe

Maybe im trying so hard to hold onto you because thats the only way i get to feel something

.....

[darkenthusiastexperts-blog]

[stalgivc]

[ghadaanqar32]

This image is shouting the truth that many try to ignore. Even from inside the United States, there are people raising their voices and asking clearly: why should anyone be asked to die for a war that is not theirs? Meanwhile in Gaza, innocent people are being killed, families are trapped, crossings are closed, and people are left between hunger and fear yet the world still treats our suffering like just another passing headline.

[typewriter-worries]

on Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge over Troubled Water (Restored - from The Concert in Central Park)

[darkenthusiastexperts-blog]

Maybe you love me

Maybe you dont

Maybe you will tell me

Maybe you won't

Maybe i wont stick around to find out

[raylangivins]

[dacuala]

why is trespassing not allowed. like i just want to look

[darkenthusiastexperts-blog]

All this pining and anticipation only to find out he likes someone else??? Wtaf. Not again. Not againnnnnnnnnn. I'm wrong again and the joke is on me again. Of course he doesn't like me, of course that's why he never made any solid moves. Of course he was just baiting me when he looked at me like he did. Of course, I'm fuckin wrong about someone again

[darkenthusiastexperts-blog]

I dont want us to end before we've even begun. I dont know how long i can spend yearning for you before i lose my breathe and collapse. I wish i could have you. I am already dreading all of the moments we are spending apart. I wonder if this isn't the right time, could it be why we haven't officially crossed paths with each other. Me liking you is obvious so why am i trying so hard to make it seem like otherwise. I like you. I like you so much it fckin bothers me so much. I like you so much i wish we weren't wasting all this time being unsure, arrogant and trying to be cool. I like you so much i go back to uni just to see if you are around when im sure af u probably aren't. I like you so much i have a secret folder with pictures. I'm worried you might think I'm stalking you 😭 im so worried this crush is getting out of hand. When and how did it become so difficult to approach the guy you like. I dont know if you like me. I dont know if im just delusional. I dont know if you are waiting on someone. I just wish you would like me back. 😭 i strtd this whole thing now i cant get myself out of this mess.

[persianmom-deactivated20260602]