Way back in the old days, you know last week, I used to get bubble gum for a Nickle. Well not a nickel but I used nickles. Luckily my store loved to collect nickles. So on this particular day I was going to get some chews and was stopped by a strange old lady. She was shriveled and weak. She walked with a cane and held her back. I pitiful sight indeed. She approached me with a indecent proposal detailed and specific. She laid down her asperations and expectations as if I had already accepted the proposal. I nervously laughed, unsure if I’d misheard or if she has been joking. But she reiterated the conundrum. And to my surprise there was nothing left to doubt. It all rested on the decision of me and my willingness to concede. I reluctantly accepted And followed her to a strange dark shack. Surrounded by dead leaves and covered in weeds was this tin building that had a strange aroma. It smelled like when this crazy artist I used to know would set plastic fishing worms on fire. Except the smell was 10 times as strong and made me feel real happy. Almost excited. So the lady suddenly seemed to walk normal. That girl, who I just called “Seen” since I didn’t see her name but saw her, she died young and just after her big break. And she didn’t seem as old now that she was out of the harsh light. But she was definitely just as horrid. She approached me very aggressively and seemed to get a major thrill from my discontent. I thought to my self,“ I don’t remember this in her vivid explanation” She had an unpronounceable name - it was a symbol, like Prince once used, but it was an invisible symbol, and she said that if you gave her something to burn, you would be able to see it….I liked her so much I almost played along but didn’t want to be disappointed when I still couldn’t see it. She had a reverse mullet type thing going on, but there was no party in the front or business in the back. It was like wisps of stringy cartilage in the front and jello cubes in the back. And then I realized I was struggling to remember anything about the conversation or anything that had happened before I had arrived at the shanty. And then the strangest part was I was really beginning to enjoy this. And she actually started to look almost clown like but without the humor, face paint, or red.nose. but it was a superbulous nose. And just as I was beginning to get used to the smoldering rubber smell, I noticed where it was coming from. She had several bizarre translucent incense burners hanging upside down from the ceiling in a way that made them seem to defy gravity. I blinked several times to get a better look and make sure I wasn’t hallucinating but the one closest to me was almost right over my head, and the smoke was slowly curling downwards, too slowly to look like it was being sucked into an fan, but what a cool trick! I had so many questions I wanted to ask but I was speechless. So instead I started scratching my armpits and roaring like a crazy monkey. While I was extremely confused about this reaction I embraced it. So much that I swear I was growing more body hair and dearly wanted to chew lice and dance the macerana. Why did I want to dance the Macarena? As soon as I asked myself that, I was already on my feet, and I started singing and dancing the hokey pokey instead. She looked at me, with tears in her eyes and said, “thank you so much…how in the world did you know? Today is exactly 22 years to the day from when I first did the hokey pokey, and I think that you have just given me a sign that there are still many hokey anniversaries left for to see. After the great macerana tragedy in 1992, I couldn’t even listen to music or dance for years, but for the one day I had promised to do the hokey pokey. Because it is so true and the lyrics move not only my body but also my spirit, after all "that’s what it’s all about”. I’ve never met anyone else who really understood that song. And I did. Put your left foot in just has so much soul in the imagery. And how could you not shake it all about. Isn’t that the meaning of it all. We embraced in histerical moaning. And I moaned like I have never before she replied to my deeply let moan with a weeeeeee and the feeling engulfed us both. So u did what any well respected male transvestite toe modeling dance hooker.would do in this case and laid a hefty dump on her feet. With a strong push and grunt the most generous loaf was neatly stacked for her warmth. With a helatious grin she instantly scooped it up tasted the flavorful.goodness and smeared it on the walls. The moral of this story is you can help old ladies and you can do the hokey pokey but you should never do the hokey pokey to help an old lady.
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