My mentors in D/s were an old Austrian Dom and his switch wife in NYC some 30 years ago. They were the original owners and trainers of my first slave m. She was trained by them in the “old ways” and she formed my impression of what a “proper” slave should be. That is my foundation and why I think I can legitimately claim to be “old school European” in my approach and style.
In a nutshell, the European philosophy of BDSM is a holistic, all consuming, approach to the lifestyle that includes the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of the culture as equal parts of a seamless life experience.
Many Europeans feel that Americans have trivialized the deeper essences of what BDSM is supposed to be because Americans are so focused on sex. To them Americans are infatuated with sex. Sex is the reason most Americans get involved in BDSM in the first place. The European style is not as infatuated with sex and play as Americans, but rather on incorporating the ancient cultural traditions of BDSM into one’s life, lifestyle, personality, psychology, philosophy and relationship dynamics. This does not mean that sex isn’t a big part of it, what it does mean is that European practitioners incorporate kink, sexuality and the lifestyle into nearly every aspect of their lives and relationships. There is always an undercurrent of sex and the BDSM lifestyle in everything they do.
In Europe, M/s and D/s is a tradition as old as time, handed down from generation to generation with reverence, pride, honor and respect. It’s not about sex and play and learning how to throw a whip. It’s an institution based on deeply developed morals and values, and for serious practitioners all aspects of their life is based on these inherent traits. The European culture rightfully sees the American approach as a degradation of the ancient traditions they have practiced and appreciated for thousands of years. Rightfully, Americans’ infatuation with sex trivializes the ancient beliefs and traditions of a culture the Europeans revere and respect. It trivializes the traditions they hold sacred and dear to their minds and hearts. For Europeans, the American approach is missing the pride, integrity and dignity of what has been practiced in Europe for hundreds if not thousands of years.
The old school European traditions of BDSM are deep and meaningful.
It’s not a game. It’s not about sex. It’s not just something people do in the bedroom.
It’s not something you do once in a while just to “spice things up.”
It’s not a game you play on weekends or when you feel like it.
It’s not something you decide to do one day because it sounds exciting or because you want to try something new.
In the European tradition being a Master or slave is not something you do. It’s who you are. And you don’t turn it on and off like a light bulb.
Being a Latino or African-American is a culture that defines someone. Being Italian or German or French or Native American is something that defines who you are in a way that you cannot change. One doesn’t stop being Native American when they go to sleep at night. Being a Master or slave is the same thing. It’s not something you do. It’s who you are. It defines you as a person in a specific way that you cannot change.
Europeans see most Americans as players. If you profess to be a Master to someone in the old-school European practice of M/s, then you’d better be one! If you say you’re a Master then you’d better have the actions, proclivities, traits, security, characteristics and ethics of a Master and actively demonstrate those traits without question or equivocation.
In the old-school days of BDSM, a Master was “The Master” of the house. There was no doubt about who ruled the castle, because he had earned that right through schooling, practice and devotion to the lifestyle. No slave would ever purposely antagonize Master because he deserves nothing but respect and honor. No slave would subvert Master’s authority or diminish his presence in the eyes of friends, contemporaries, or others in the scene or at any kind of gathering, public or private, because he had earned a place of respect, gratitude and adoration. A slave would never humiliate him, openly embarrass or cause harm to his character because he has earned his place as “Master”. A slave would take any and all means necessary to defend and preserve his dignity because of the high level of dignity he had earned from and instilled in his slave.
At all times the slave knows its place, which is a one of satisfaction, fulfillment, security and gratitude for what Master provides. In return, his slave is by his side to support the Master in all ways, because he has earned the slave’s trust and has displayed on numerous occasions that he is a man of integrity and unquestionable character. The slave is ever faithful and obedient to him because he always has the best interest and well-being of their relationship as his highest priority. The Master is shown respect and honor at all times, because he has earned obedience with his love, patience, kindness and caring, as well as a stern but fair hand of discipline paired with a sparing need to use it. The slave craves to please and serve him not out of fear of punishment but out of gratitude and devotion. The desire to serve and please consumes the slave’s being, and thoughts of punishment are rare and distant.
This is what the Old School European style means to me.
