dark purple waves

[janasojka]

moon landscapes, cyanotype

[perriaeyjeve]

[darkpurplewaves]

it’s not enough.

got what I thought I wanted.

it’s not enough.

why is it never enough?

[darkpurplewaves]

it’s been over a decade of stalling my dreams.

now that I’m trying, i’m mourning those years.

what could’ve been if i hadn’t been focused on simple survival.

[darkpurplewaves]

“just take the compliment.”

yet i resent the traits that developed in my survival.

even the useful, the creative, and the applauded.

they don’t seem to matter enough for me to take them personally.

the isolation. neglect. silencing. secrets. repression. blame. hopelessness.

those scars don’t magically fade, even if they inspired resilience.

you make it sound easy.

so, i’ll pull out the stops.

a blush, a smirk, a humble nod.

returned flattery that feels genuinely sincere.

[darkpurplewaves]

common advice said to reach out

to people who say they care.

i’ll preface that i don’t doubt

some good people are out there.

but for me when i feel down deep,

i wrote a few short notes…

but no one showed up for me.

when i needed them the most.

now I’ve lived in the dark for years,

numbing my brain, adverse to tears.

I’ve lived out all of my fears

and a few of my dreams have disappeared.

so I’m going to be fine

but I’m going to keep my struggles mine.

[darkpurplewaves]

make it more clear that you don’t care.

say it again, “life’s not fair.”

you inflict suffering, laugh at the victim,

then riot when it’s someone part of the system.

you’ve abandoned your children for optics,

cast guilt every day as the clock ticks.

and even when you die we’ll still wonder why

we couldn’t find something to change your mind.

[darkpurplewaves]

tired.

always.

tired.

[shen-ji-art]

[darkpurplewaves]

leaves crunch beneath my feet,

slight juniper breeze in the air.

weeds sprout through the driveway,

the mailbox won’t shut again.

with those complaints I am mostly satisfied.

[nature-travel-photography]

Saitama, Japan - Author: Main-Housing-2178

[darkpurplewaves]

a steady ceiling fan rhythm,

sheets freshly washed,

purring at the foot of the bed,

and gentle snores beside me.

it’s 4:43am; i’m still awake.

why is everything not enough?

[darkpurplewaves]

in an endless game of elimination,

to-do lists and overwhelm,

i find myself in a loop -

no progression from the starting line.

resiliency is my shameful trademark.

trophies have never lined my shelves.

my battles are constant, unchanging.

wounds heal then tear on repeat.

yet, the horizon promises of something more.

the eastern sun will see me try again.

[fruitblush]

[reachyoutomorrow]

[darkpurplewaves]

i saw a shooting star tonight

for the first time in my life.

alone, driving home.

no one else knows but you.

[darkpurplewaves]

for the flowers I never watered,

and the garden filled with weeds.

i acknowledge my heart’s sorrow

is of no value nor solace to you.

time spent in thought

regarding your suffering

cannot realize my inaction.

you are worth more than me.

i hope you know.