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What the Living Do, Marie Howe

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Written for her brother, John Howe, who died of complications of AIDS

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full poem:

Johnny, the kitchen sink has been clogged for days, some utensil probably fell down there. And the Drano won’t work but smells dangerous, and the crusty dishes have piled up

waiting for the plumber I still haven’t called. This is the everyday we spoke of. It’s winter again: the sky’s a deep, headstrong blue, and the sunlight pours through

the open living-room windows because the heat’s on too high in here and I can’t turn it off. For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the street, the bag breaking,

I’ve been thinking: This is what the living do. And yesterday, hurrying along those wobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee down my wrist and sleeve,

I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush: This is it. Parking. Slamming the car door shut in the cold. What you called that yearning.

What you finally gave up. We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss—we want more and more and then more of it.

But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass, say, the window of the corner video store, and I’m gripped by a cherishing so deep

for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless: I am living. I remember you.

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MEGAN THEE STALLION | 2023 Vanity Fair Oscar Party

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This adult shit is ass

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Zero stars. Do not recommend. 😑😑

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Zendaya for British Vogue, October 2021, photographed by Craig McDean

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Omfg this is of that kid he looks exactly the same

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Ummm wtf?! I didn’t even realized I posted that story… wow umm idk what to say

The 6 hour drive from Atlanta to New Orleans felt like forever, but at last I made it safely and very tired might I add. I turned down the street that the GPS had gave me and pulled into what seemed like an apartment complex but read ‘Garden Condo’s’. I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since I’d last talked to Angela and she still treats me like she did when we graduated. Angela was like the sister I never had. She was there for me when we were freshmen’s and all the sophomores decided it would be funny to pick on us because we was “fresh meat”. She was there when I was at my lowest moments. So it’s unbelievable how I didn’t keep in touch with her after all these years. “You have arrived” the lady inside my GPS announced once I pulled into a parking spot. I put it in park and pulled my phone out to call Angela. After 2 rings she answered. “Hello” “I couldn’t make it” I said faking my tone. “What” she shouted sounding a bit hurt. I laughed, “Just kidding Ang, I’m outside” She let out a squeal before hanging up which I’m guessing was her way of saying she was on her way down. I let out a chuckle before turning the car off and getting out to retrieve my bags. I grabbed my duffel bag and pulled it over my shoulder. The sound of screaming made me let out a laugh and I turned around to see Angela sprinting towards me. “Jae” she yelled while coming up to me and pulling me into a tight hug that I returned. “Oh my God I missed your crazy ass” I said in her shoulder. “I know you did I mean like everybody misses me” she said pulling away and putting her hands on her hip. I sucked my teeth and laughed, “Whatever girl”. She smiled then went to grab the 2 suitcases out the trunk while I grabbed my book bag from the other side. After I had everything I made my way up to her condo. The cool air from the air condition hit me as soon as I walked in. I let out a low groan as I took in the cool place. Such a huge difference from the NOLA air. “Girl it feel like heaven in here” I said letting out a laugh before dropping my bags by the door and looking around her living room. It was beautiful in here she had a light brown sectional with the leather on the bottom. She had a fire place with a big flat screen above it. Her cream curtains blocked the balcony but the sun still shined through them a little. She had a lamp in the corner of the room turned on that showed the cream pain on the wall with a lot of pictures hanging on them as well. “Wow” I gasped, “this is a nice place Ang”. “Thanks” she said shuffling my 2 suitcases to the back. I followed after her after grabbing my bags. We walked pass the kitchen and pass the bathroom. We walked into a room that was nice and clean. The queen sized bed was neatly made. The black sheets was neatly folded over the beige quilt. The cream walls was naked except for the painting of a black women covering her naked body and her afro was filling the top half of the painting. I thought it was beautiful to be honest. “Do you like it” she asked after placing my suitcases on the floor and looking around. I smiled, “yeah it’s really nice Ang, thanks” “No problem” she said smiling and giving me another hug, “now I know you’re tired so I’ll let you rest but if you need me I’m down the hall. Also if you’re hungry, help yourself to anything in the kitchen, just make yourself feel at home”. I smiled, “I really appreciate this Ang, thanks”. She patted me on the back and walked out the door closing it along with her. I let out a sigh as I set on the bed and looked around. Part of me was happy that I actually had somebody being there for me and willing to take me in but another part of me felt like I was just using her. I wasn’t though honestly but why did it feel like it? I always depend on somebody that takes me in. I always depend on somebody to take care of me. Maybe it was time that I started taking care of myself and stop depending on people.