What Keeps Us From Being More Grateful People?
In my recent sermon, "One Word Prayers: 'Thanks,'" I tackle this question head on. Here are several things that I've found that keeps us from being more thankful people.
Comparison: If you want to become less grateful, commit to constantly comparing yourself with others. If you want to be less grateful, compare away. Comparison will always strip you of gratitude, because it causes you to dwell on what you lack by prohibiting you from seeing all that you have been given.
Isn’t it ironic that when you’re a kid, and your parents are upset with you because they don’t think you’re showing enough appreciation, they force you into playing the comparison game. Let’s say you don’t want to eat those frozen lima beans and flavorless, canned peas that are left on your plate, getting colder and grosser while you refuse to eat them. Any kids or big kids out there know what I’m talking about? What do parents normally say at such a standoff? You should be grateful for this food because there are starving children all over the world who wish they could eat this. This is called coercive gratitude by guilt and therapists all over the country are making a living helping people get over the guilt they carry with them for not eating their lima beans.
But are you ever that much more grateful for what you have by thinking of what others don’t have. Maybe for a time, like after getting back from a mission trip, but not completely. Because what tends to happen is that if you compare what others lack to what you have, you will naturally compare what you lack to what others have, and that is a recipe for bitterness, disappointment, jealousy, and envy. Instead of comparing, pray ‘thanks’ for every thing you have, and you’ll be amazed at how much you’ve already been given.
So the first obstacle to thankfulness is comparison, the second I’d say is hurry. When you are rushed moving as fast as you can, constantly pushing your way onto the Green Line or wherever you’re going, you miss so much of what’s going on around you, and especially who is around you--people you might be called to love, and maybe even God Himself. There is a beauty and goodness to the ordinariness of life, and these things are gifts from God. But how often do we simply miss opportunities to enjoy and say thanks, because we never slow down. So slow down, pay attention, and find yourself more thankful.
So comparison and hurry are obstacles to thankfulness, and here are a few more:
Impatience: believing that because I don’t have something right now, that I never will; a condition resulting in panic, anxiety, and taking measures into one’s own hands prematurely, therefore shortchanging opportunities for personal growth and formation. Impatience.
Entitlement: believing that I am really that awesome, and seeking “justice” to get what is rightfully mine without hard work, dedication, and long-term commitment; results in possible chronic dissatisfaction, and probable need to get a spanking as an adult. Entitlement.
Fantasizing: believing that somewhere else, someone else, or something else is far more preferable than this place, this person, or this life. Results in perpetual discontentment and unfaithfulness. Fantasizing.
Grumpiness: assuming the worst, feeding on the negative, anticipating annoyance, and secretly hoping nothing works out just to be able to say, “I told you so.” Results in an inability to enjoy anything good. Grumpiness.
And this list could continue. Essentially anything that takes your sight or focus away from God and His work in the world and your life, will lead you to be less thankful. Because life with God is the fullest life we can experience, anything else means settling for less.
But while most of these behaviors are within our control to do or not do, what probably gets us away from gratitude more than anything else, are the Tough Circumstances in Life--things that happen beyond our control. A diagnosis, a death, disappointment, or discouragement. Some kind of loss: a lost job, lost friend, lost relationship, lost responsibility, lost dream, lost goal, two lost Super Bowls to the Giants. Nothing knocks the wind out of our efforts to cultivate thankfulness more than experiencing something tragic that is beyond our control. And none of us are immune to this.
So how can one possibly give thanks and pray ‘thanks’ in all circumstances when things have fallen so far short of what one had hoped for?
Check out the conclusion to my sermon in the post below.
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