Corkonian Expat @daveystravels - Tumblr Blog

57 Story Building in 19 Days

A Chinese construction company have built a 57-story building in just 19 days in Changsha, capital of southern China’s Hunan Province. The building, Mini Sky City, is 200 metres high. Xiao Changgen, vice general manager of the company that built the block, said 95% of the building parts were premade in the factory, and at the site 1200 workers assembled the parts like stacking Lego.

Picture: Feature China / Barcroft Media

Source: The Telegraph

Snakes

I’ve had more than one experience with Snakes in Yongzhou. The first was Tang Tao.

Tang showed up at the apartment claiming to be friends with the past foreign teacher and wanted to continue his experience with foreigners so he spent 45 minutes talking with James while James stayed in bed. In his underware.

He invited us out for dinner and after our initial “This guys a bit weird” thought(although to be fair he was Chinese) we thought he was ok. As Krystal put it one day “Remember when we thought Tom was so cool?”. His English was excellent and he even knew “Slainté”.

He brought us out for some Yongzhou specialties.Was kinda hoping for a chicken curry or a three in one but it consisted of Snake. Like literally snake. We ate kobra cooked with pork, duck cooked in it’s own blood, chicken’s head, pork in peppers and fuck ton of rice. We drank beer after beer and evetually challenged us to a drinking competition. The poor fuckers had no idea.

After dinner we told Tom to drop us to the bar. (THE bar). The only fucking bar. So he says “Ok, first we’ll drop the girl home and THEN! We go to bar”. Which we found fucking hilarious. So he sat on his friends laps and we drunkely drove our way to the bar where I met his mistress. Long story, great night, got fucked drunk and dropped home.

The second experience was with Tom and Wangbo. Wangbo had a rich uncle so naturally here in this fucking country people kissed his ass. He was a nice guy to us though so we didn’t mind. Six moths on we (they) decided to see some fucking snakes in action. So Tom, Wangbo and I were off. So they picked me up and on we went to LingLing. Road trip with the boi’s.

When I walked in there was a massive statue of Mao. Which is no surprise and a big snake statue next to him, which is also no surprise. I remember thinking if the owner was just really smart or a fucking idiot. I met him and went drinking. He was a fucking idiot. We went to the snake farma nd watched two Kobra’s fight each other. Tom almost shat himself. We played with pet snakes and everything. Then we sat down and ate some snake, duck, pork, beef, peppers and a fuck town of snake wine, rice wine, beer and whatever else the fuck was going. Besies Wangbo, I was the least educated in the room which doesn’t happen me very often. Everyone else had a p.hd in some sort of stupid shit.

The owner and I drank the most, he gave me two bottles of their finest snake wine (tasted like shit) and told me to drink a little bit every day to prevent impotence in older age. Not a fucking chance, the yoke is liek viagra in liquid form. It was worth about €100 a bottle.

#snakes #yongzhou #china #tefl #travel

Chinese New Year

I have no idea what the fuck just happened.

Literally don't have the abliltiy to describe it.

Mental. Just fucking mental.

#Chinese New year

pleatedjeans

20 Teachers Caught Having Fun at Work

Christmas has come to Yongzhou.

#personal #TEFL China

Dave, Thought you may want to know that when we were in Changsha at that hotel the first night, the words that google translate that popped up on the womans computer were " Now our machine brush a wild card" . Stil makes more sense to me than most of what people try to say to me here ! Cheers and hope theres another journey to Changsha very soon ~ Weeder

Ah yes! Fucked up hour alright wasn't it? How was Hhong Kong? Write to me in QQ. I could do with some advice

I'm doing a class on Super Heroes tomorrow!

I really hope the kids like it :D

Dear David if I happen to be passing through China on a soul-searching journey to find myself with a quadriplegic hooker I pick up in Singapore can you provide us with lodging? Yours cordially Sum Yung Cok

Short answer is yes....I think O.o

But come off anon and we can discuss details. Or at least add me on Wechat, QQ or Skype.

Please just hurry home so we can snuggle. Hard. please

Come to China. I've got a double bed ;)

Dear Ms. Mason, Do you think its odd that again, I woke up next to a dwarf whore who had my wang in her mouth and was sucking it like a pacifier ? Or is this common Chinese practice? - Fook tou Mooch

Dan? Josh? James? Jay? Meg?

Why do I know so many potential people O.o

My not so innocent students

Last week I played this card game with the students. Where they must write a question down on a sheet of paper and then put it into the bag. Afterwards they would have to pick a card and each card had a certain rule. For example, 8 Would be sing a song. 2 would be answer two questions, Queen would be ask a girl etc etc

As I was leaving one of the classes one of my shy 14/15 year old female students handed me a sheet of paper which I thought was a question. It was a bit odd to hand it up at the end but I just put it in my pocket and went home. When I read it afterwards it said,

~~~"Do you love me?"

"Or along make love with me?"

"Girl say to boy, "Fuck me". Teacher what mean this?" ~~~~~

Like...How would you tackle this situation?

Today, while I was showing one of my classes Shrek another girl called me down to chat to her.

She took a deep breathe....as to let me know it was going to be a serious topic of conversation. She looks right at me with fearless eyes and asks "Will you marry me?"

Since this isn't my first time being asked to marry a student I just kind of laughed it off a little asked her to repeat herself.

So she replied "Will you marry me?....But you have to be more skinny. And you have to bring me to iore lan. (How they pronounce Ireland)"

So I politely said no...and she said that she was going to take my eyes and make her husband wear them forever. . . . To which I made a joke about me needing my eyes for the movie and very quickly went to the other side of the class.

At the end of the class I had to walk past her desk in order to leave the room. I seen her.....frantcically move her hand under the desk in a not so innocent way so I screamed out "WHAT ARE YOU DOING????"

To which she slowly raised a pocket knife, stared me right in the eyes and said something in Chinese which was really really fucking creepy.

I know lock two doors to my room and thinking of buying a rape whistle in the next few days....I'm not sure what's going on here in Yongzhou...but I got a similiar creepy message on an Instant message service I use here and the other Foreign male teacher got a message handed to him as well today.

Little weirdos.

Mr.Bean day tomorrow. YAY!!! :D

#wtf

trms

Pro-democracy demonstrators hold up their mobile phones during a protest near the Hong Kong government headquarters on September 29, 2014. (Dale de la Rey/AFP/Getty Images)

Dear Dave, you big, clumsy, bumbling, Irish waste of space. Thank you for all the effort you made on my birthday. However, it is not, and never will be, worth a quick jobby in the prison showers. Cop on you mess!

Is this Dan?

Hipsters Birthday

Hipster James turned 30 the other day so it was time to mess with him.

On Monday I decided to tell my students that he was really sad because he missed everyone back home. I told them that he was crying and all that sort of stuff, and it broke their lil Asian hearts to be fair. So I asked them to make him a Birthday card. 80 Students per class, for two days...And Princess Shitcraic also joined in with her classes. We wrote little jokes on the board that they included in his card....such as "Don't worry about getting old, you look about 15". We played his favorite song for all our classes "Call me maybe". Cringe, I know. Some of them made him little swans and flowers with paper. But it was their own little Chinglish messages on the cards that made it that little bit special. Little messages like "Please don't cry, I hope that you will be very happy in China" "Please don't miss your friends, you have friends here in China too" "You're very handsome please don't be sad".

By the second day word spread in the school and some of the students came prepared. They bought him biscuits, lollipops, Birthday cards from the shop, started to wish him Happy Birthday passing him in the corridor and all that. He was blissfully unaware that we were doing all this too....so he was just prancing along the school with a big goofy smile on his face while all the students thought he was crying himself to sleep at night because he has nobody to celebrate his Birthday with. It was gold, comic gold.

We got close to 1000 Birthday Cards for poor depressed James.

The night before he turned 30 Princess ShitCraic and I had this idea to cellotape him into his bedroom. So like two stoners on a mission to buy a big mac we headed towards the school canteen and tried to act out cellotape to see if they had it in stock. No success, we had to look ourselves. After a tiring 15 seconds we found it in the stationary part of the shop. So we bought some shitty cupcakes, cheap toffee lollipops and what was left of the biscuits and chocolate that the students gave us for him. (Princess and I ate some of it walking back from classes). With a modest 4 rolls of cellotape, a shitty scissors and way too much excitement for two grown adults we started with the cellotape process. After two hours we were successful.

It turns out that he got hungry before he fell asleep and tried to run to the bakery seconds before it closed in order to get a chicken stick. In his haste he didn't notice the cellotape and slapped straight into the sticky wall of death with what I would imagine resembeled a slightly more gay and confused looking tinkerbell flying through a spiders web. I would of paid anything to see it.

I gave him one or two of the best Birthday cards and some of the Oreo's that my students gave me. I asked him for a photo because they put a lot of effort into them and that they were nearly in tears thinking of how sad he was and all that crap. So I asked him for a photo that I could show them next week where I asked him to smile as big as he could and hold up the Oreo's. I did a slight bit of editing afterwards.

During lunch Princess made a cute little cake arrangement thingy and when they were at their final class I set up outside his bedroom. There was the cake display, three beers for us, a bottle of Baijiu, his favourite song "Call me Maybe" on repeat blaring down the school and then that photo on a slideshow. You should of seen his face, he really wasn't expecting it.

When we gave him all the cards that the students made him we seen a side to him that we never knew he had. He actually started to tear up. It was kinda sweet if you're into that sort of thing but I felt awkward as fuck. It was a little embaressing to be fair, and James I'm sorry if you're reading this....but what did it for me is when he was holding his students cards, he turned and looked at us with tears in his eyes and says...... "Thanks SO much guys, this is the most anyone ever did for me on my Birthday". I had to get out of there, was too much for me. I didn't want to burst out laughing into his face but at least he's kinda laughing at it now. I know you told me not to tell anyone...but I did tell you I was putting it on my blog.

Shortly afterwards he told us he needed to skype so we made plans to bring him to Dinner and a few drinks that night. We ended up inviting some of our Chinese friends and one of them brought us to this little Ghost town of uncompleted buildings and we got a view of the whole city. It was pretty cool until they made a weird joke about Princess won't be cold with four guys here to warm her up....and then joked about jumping off the building because his gf broke up with him. O.o So we went to the bar and got a little drunk. Cooked our own food in our usual little post drink munching spot and made some poor fucking Chinese guy get arrested or something. All in all, he probably never would of imagined his 30th Birthday being celebrated like it was. So Chinese, he fucking loved it!

#TEFLChina #TEFL #Hipster

ginge-r

mother. friggin’. space. man. x

hanabridge

Canción del Universo

Somos pequeñitos, inmenso es el universo, tan pequeños diminutos como infimos granitos, tan grande y tan enorme y tan pequeño es el hombre, es nuestro el universo y el sooooooooooooooooool.