I feel exhausted but in a state of perpetual alertness. Fast heartbeat but slow thoughts. I remember as a child growing up with the feeling of a hole being in my heart. I wasn’t like the other kids. They and I knew it. I was always a little off be it in my clothing, motivations, and actions. I always had confidence but I had different ways of thinking and a terrible time finding friends that were on my side.
Point blank: I still get emptiness but no longer from lack of friends (I have those) but from the constant realization that I myself suffer only in silence. I choose this as I could confide in others. I am not sad today but bitterly pessimistic.


















