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I feel exhausted but in a state of perpetual alertness. Fast heartbeat but slow thoughts. I remember as a child growing up with the feeling of a hole being in my heart. I wasn’t like the other kids. They and I knew it. I was always a little off be it in my clothing, motivations, and actions. I always had confidence but I had different ways of thinking and a terrible time finding friends that were on my side.

Point blank: I still get emptiness but no longer from lack of friends (I have those) but from the constant realization that I myself suffer only in silence. I choose this as I could confide in others. I am not sad today but bitterly pessimistic.

#anxiety #bpd problems #bipolar

2016 -AndreaP

#bubbles #nikon #focal #photography

translucent-islands

a-path-by-the-moon

Gravity falling

water, shiny like gelatin, undulating wave by wave tiny peaks of cobalt and midnight black moving, breaking in rhythm, moonlit, scattered with its pigment. the soft sound of crumpling papers, or the hush of the wind at dawn, the way your hair moves, tickles relentlessly upon my nose. struggling, fighting the urge to laugh, I cant help but surrender. The dock feels safer than any home in this entire world, with your bright eyes, and those hands. limitless lines of black and blue, reaching up frantically to form something new. the velvet surface, encasing my feet, turns the softest skin into crooked canyons, indentations deep. with tides so high and time so short I seek the words to fit my mouth. tense movement of my lips purse to form the congeries to tie up his mind. and hopelessness now only seems like a memory from 1st grade. a tiny movement, you lean your head back and touch my ear. with a whisper, and one kiss, I'll refrain from holding back, and we walk away from that place, those dismal blacks and ice candy blues vanish with every leaving step and the farther we walk the later it gets, the moon now turns into a sherbet colored sky, while the morning hours slither and creep from behind we sluggishly turn to each other to take a glimpse and regretfully have to mutter "goodbye".

-ALP

#freeverse #poetry #romance #longtimeago #andreapickard