It’s a game really. We are both playing. It’s funny you think I don’t already know what’s going to happen. I’m playing a part in this all on my own but you can think you are a single player. With your quick witted answers and thumbling fingers, strategically planting what you think I want to hear. You don’t have to call me beautiful, not because it’s not true, but because I know I am.
I know I have a cute smile and a bubbly personality, I know I see the world through rainbow eyes and giggle at things that aren’t funny. I fall in love with the unique quirks people have. What makes their eyes light up or what draws the corners of there lips down. Their favorite song, because music lets me hear what makes there heart beat. That is what I find beautiful about me. And that is what matters. Not what you mold into what you think I want to hear. It’s bullshit, don’t waste my time. Because what you think I want to hear is anything but. You think I have a problem with thinking I’m not beautiful. Hahaha Honey I’m a pursuant of a beauty deeper than what you can see with your eyes. But you don’t care enough to really peek into my soul, and that’s ok, you just want to play a game.
So tell me anyway. Tell me I all these things if it makes you feel like you’re winning at this. I know why I’m laying here on your bed. Why I’ve asked you to lay next to me, for fucks sake I asked you to rub my ass “because it helps me fall asleep”, hahaha. You jump right to it too, because why WOULD you question it? It’s an invitation, dumbass, and you still think YOU are winning?
I’ve already noticed you aren’t listening to a fucking word I say. I changed the conversation for you. Something I know you’d like to talk about. My Tits, everyone loves my tits! What kinky shit I’ve done? How about a detailed story of the last guy I fucked? Oh are you getting hard baby? Ohhhh I’m sorry, let me fix that for you.
I am airheaded and I don’t know a lot about the world. I don’t know anything about politics, money, sports, history, science or why the fuck this world goes ‘round. But I do know what you want. It’s what they all want. It’s what everyone wants. A quick fix.
You don’t think I see you looking at me? Pretending to be asleep huh? Haha you’re pathetic. I know we are going to fuck. It’ll be about time we finally do. Honey, I’m not new to this. This is how it’s been my whole life. Filthy insecure Men always wanting what they can’t have, and stupid lonely women believing there pretty little lies.
“Oh I’m a free spirit with a wild heart! Let’s move away to the big LA city and begin a journey into the unknown but it’ll be home wherever we go because we will have eachother.” You fucktard! I am only letting you stay with me because I honestly don’t want to feel like shit for dropping you off on the sidewalk. But sure press your hips into my ass and kiss my neck. Talk to me in lyrics and rhymes. Ya I’ll listen to your blah-bity-blah goobity-goob serenade, if it makes you feel better, like you’ve “swooned” my mouth wide open. The amount of minutes you actually lasted was as short as the days I agreed to keep you in my company, 3.
“Aww let me rub your back for you. You work so hard and no one ever loves on you.”
Yes please put your dirty old fingers on me. Oh yes, right there, oh my, how do you know where to touch me?! It’s called playing dumb. It is what I do best, what can I say? Oopsie-daisy how did I find my way to your couch? Oh chocolate? Mm yes please! Oh you’re so silly, you want me to do what? I have to bite the chocolate out of your mouth? Oh you’re so dirty haha! Dirty bastard tricks are for kids….
Ha! You’re old enough for me to be your kid, oh how disgusting. Poor lonely old man, I’ll come back after I’m done with 3 min LA boy so you can show me how grown men are supposed to fuck 24 year old silly little girls.
Oh and mister preacher man, what is that? You are “giving into the flesh”? Oh no! Let me get down onto my knees, put my hands together, lift my head up and open my mouth as you shove your flesh down my throat. It must be some kind of religious act we are performing for how many times you’re screaming Oh My God!
Yes, it is a game. All one big fucking game! Literally. Let’s keep playing and see who loses? Is it going to be me? You? My mother once told me some very wise words. “Guys will literally fuck anyone. You are not special. They don’t care what you say, what you look like, how wear your hair, or what you’re wearing. You have a vagina, they will fuck you and that’s it.” But I am sorry mother, my ex-husbands words of admiration has taken the cake definitely, “You are nothing more than just a whole to be filled, act like it.”
This is why I don’t take compliments from you. They are invitations to play the game. Two players. We lose a moment of feeling by winning moments of feelings. We win a moment of sanity by losing moments of our sanity. So don’t call me beautiful, don’t ask me to be your other half, don’t call me pretty or cute. And Don’t fucking say I Love You. Those words are just pieces to the game to me. From you they mean nothing. And I snicker at the thought of you thinking I actually believe it, just because you say it. You don’t need to butter me up to play the game but it’s fun for you, I know. So go ahead pick up the piece and play you’re part and I’ll be good and play mine.
baratheonpilled
ellievsbear
titsay
stormborns
