ddorcasmeadowes:
They couldn’t always count on words. Words had always been overrated to them. Too many or not enough. They didn’t find comfort in words as they did in touches. What he couldn’t say he told her in his heated embrace, what she couldn’t muster she told in a kiss. Even when they were with others, they shared secretive gazes as their hands touched under tables. As Dorcas tried to explain things, she couldn’t do it and have him touch her at the same time. It overwhelmed her because it wasn’t what she was used to. She needed to say so many things and yet could never find the words, she was frustrated and devasted all at the same time.
“I know that, but I can’t…” She replies with a broken voice, “I can’t have only parts of you and maybe it makes me fucking selfish. I’d rather be selfish than a liar.” Dorcas reaches up to wipe the tears that have suddenly started rolling down her cheeks, she can’t stomach the thought of him seeing her like this. The girl takes a deep breath, trying to ease the emotions.
“Don’t you understand, James?” She asks him with her doe eyes pleading for an ounce of the adoration she felt, “I can’t stand living in a world without you. I want more of you. You’ve never wanted me like that and that is why we have to stop this. Because for once in my life I want to feel something and that has only ever happened with you.”
For once, James was stunned into silence by her words. Obviously, he realized that Dorcas had feelings for him but he always pushed that thought away so he wouldn’t feel the crushing burden of guilt. Besides, the two were so bad at talking they resorted to heated touches and unspoken glances that spoke a thousand words.
“No, no you aren’t selfish Dor.” James thought after everything, that he was the one that was selfish. He wanted the best parts from Dorcas but wasn’t willing before then to give her everything. “You know, that I haven’t been with other girls since you and I started shagging right?” Somehow, he wanted to reassure her that he was trying to give everything he could to her.
“I-I don’t know if I love you,” he muttered softly as he glanced into her eyes. “but I do know that I want to see if my puppy love for lily has blinded me to you.”
“Can we try this for real? A real relationship? before we call it quits.”
She wasn’t prepared for this. She wasn’t prepared for the chance that James might have actually wanted more with her. Dorcas has filled her life with aspiring to be the best and always expecting the worst. She wasn’t soft, she wasn’t used to happiness. The disbelief in her face is clear and it shakes through her, she had never even thought of the possibility that James might have chosen her.
“James. I.” She halts as her voice shakes and she lifts her eyes to meet his, the moisture on her cheeks subsiding as her cherry lips inch closer to him. He was so much more than she thought she deserved. He was a storm of a man, rushing past them all, too cunning, too smart. He was dangerous. He was this hybrid of a man, half natural disaster and somehow along the lines he had decided he wanted her.
“You’re sure? You really want this?” She questions him with a defeated gaze, she’s regretting it as soon as she asks it. She doesn’t want him to second guess himself, she doesn’t want to lose him like she’s lost everything else. The questions comes from the small place in her mind that refuses to be his second choice. She refuses for him to settle for her, as harsh as it sounds, she has pride. Even if she was willing to throw it all away for James, she didn’t want him to regret this, whatever it is.











