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@deactivatedtzillah-blog
I’m leaving. Follow me over on @tzillah
This Tumblr account has been glitching pretty badly for the last month or so. I’m not seeing notifications on my posts, and chat doesn’t seem to work for me sometimes. Other things also aren’t working. I tried deleting this account and starting over, but things are glitching so badly that I somehow can’t even delete this blog.
This blog is now inactive. The fun continues still on @tzillah
I’m leaving. Follow me over on @tzillah
This Tumblr account has been glitching pretty badly for the last month or so. I’m not seeing notifications on my posts, and chat doesn’t seem to work for me sometimes. Other things also aren’t working. I tried deleting this account and starting over, but things are glitching so badly that I somehow can’t even delete this blog.
This blog is now inactive. The fun continues still on @tzillah
2012 vs 2017
I look much more interesting with no hair. And it sure is a lot easier to care for. Even though I look like a fabulous, evolved Pokémon in the newer photo, I’m not very happy or healthy. I lost a good deal of weight. I started shaving my head for good reasons, but the underlying need to shave was that I was just too overwhelmed and in too much emotional pain from PTSD and other baggage I’ve been carrying around.
I’ve been growing my hair back since August. I’m up about 10 pounds from my lowest point this year. I’m getting back up on my feet again after I was knocked down to one of the lowest points I’ve ever experienced in my life.
I’m hopeful for the next five years. I’m expecting to experience so much growth and flourishing in my life that I can’t even imagine what that looks like right now.
There’s nothing lonelier and more empowering than treating your own wounds.
modestybae (via shareaquote)
Du Yingqiang
It is not easy to let go of people, especially when they are of kindred souls to your own. You just have to trust that however short they stayed in your life, they have fulfilled a beautiful purpose - perhaps it was to touch you softly, or to wake you up from a stupor, or to teach you a lesson of some sort. Whatever it was they came into your life for, you are never emptier for their absence. Rather, you are more whole for it. Love them while letting them go. Love them even after they are gone. And love yourself all the more for your strength.
The Subtle Art of Letting Go // Genefe Navilon (via letters-to-the-sea)
How much can we ever know about the love and pain in another heart?
Orhan Pamuk, Snow (via books-n-quotes)
‘Owl in a Gothic window’. Caspar David Friedrich.
Moebius
The Inaccurate Library
I listened once to a famous poet recite a work of his about a foreign town.
I’ve never been there, nor do I know much about this place of which he spoke.
I only know that his monotonous, midnight voice cast this town I was imagining for the first time in dark blues, and iron. Surely it must rain there often, and the sun struggles through rain and heavy old buildings to touch the cobblestone streets.
It’s fascinating to have such a specific image of a place, (which is surely a wrong image); to have an entire little world in one’s head—intricately painted—purely from a single experience, from a single voice in one’s memory.
I think about this, and I consider how often this has happened to me with other places, other ideas, other people, other beliefs. How inaccurately I must see many things because of certain experiences I allowed to shape my mind, rather than the other way around.
I think about how everyone in the world carries around libraries of inaccuracies. Some larger, or smaller, than others. I consider that it’s the work of great men and women to always come back to their libraries, to clear the dust from their collections, to take a tome at a time, and illucidate with clear-mindedness the wrong ideas they once filed away and never questioned.
Cuno Amiet (Swiss, 1868-1961), Mountain landscape near Handeck, 1927. Oil on canvas, 60 x 55 cm
For if at first the silence seems to await an answer - how much do we burn to be called to answer - early on you discover that it demands nothing of you, perhaps only your silence.
- Clarice Lispector, from Silence.
There will always be something to be sad about.
If this is true, then why give sadness so much attention? Why not choose to find something to be happy about, thankful for, contented with.
“Once in a lifetime, if he’s lucky, a wizard finds somebody he can talk to.”
Ursula K Le Guin, Tales From Earthsea
The Haloes Louis Welden Hawkins 1894
