[everythingfox]

“I found him in an antique store. He is baby.”

(Source)

[crossstitchworld]

Skeletor finish by bananananaOMG

[everythingfox]

nom nom

(via)

[badjokesbyjeff]

The phone rings at the local police station. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at the neighbors house.

“Hey, Craig, did the police come?”

“Yep.”

“Did they chop your firewood?”

“Sure did, Eric. Thanks!”

“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

[badjokesbyjeff]

A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job. He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand. The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid replies, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama” They talk and get acquainted and the manager likes him so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come by after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he pulled through it. After the store was locked, the manager came down just like he said. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The kid replies, “One.” The boss glares at him and shouts, “Just one!? Our sales people average 20-30 customers per day!” .. “How much was the sale for!?” The kid replies “$121,237.65” The boss now shocked, “What in the hell did you sell!?”

The kids says, “Well first I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then a new fishing rod. So I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he needs a good boat, we went down to that department, and he got a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull the boat so I took him to the automotive department and sold him a truck.

The boss furrowing his brow said, "A guy came here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat and a truck???”

The kid replied, “No, the guy came here to buy tampons for his wife and I said ‘dude your weekend sounds shot, you should go fishing’.

[badjokesbyjeff]

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. “Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!” “I’m kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?”

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. “Hey, champ! How you doing?”

The kid ignores him.

“Don’t like champ, huh? That’s fine. How about BlueDragon72?”

The kid turns his head quickly. “I haven’t heard that name since I was ten…” He then realized. “It can’t be..”

“Call of Duty, right? I told you I’d bang your mom.”

[zygoats-deactivated20140731]

one time i was really sad and i decided to put cream cheese and bagels in a blender to see if i could make a bagel smoothie and when my dad asked why i was putting bagels in the blender at 2 in the morning and I just started crying hysterically

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[everythingfox]

10/10

[whitepeopletwitter]

[melonboyy]

[medusick]

this is so wholesome 

[tiredassperra-deactivated201704]

honestly i just want this to spread because i’m so sick of the heteronormative narrative of ‘lol hate my wife/gf so annoying stop talking’ like… if you don’t want to hear them talk don’t be with them that’s what a relationship is i don’t

[preciouspetsmaster]

My exact Reaction to my little Lambkins when she tells me.

[melonboyy]

brah your what

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[catchymemes]

[catchymemes]

Been to the gym three days in a row. You probably noticed.

[oysters-aint-for-me]

i’m obsessed with this

and then, two months later....

🥺

[dead-blog0]

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm