EmTe

[artisticlog-deactivated20231213]

Pink Heaven ✨🌙✨

[5hiny8laze2ombie]

fragiletemporary

[lionfloss]

by HAYDEN CLAY

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Instagram account:

Mtoni.art

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I’ll keep my eyes fixed on the sun not the ground shake it up never give up I’ll fuck you up and make you wish you never messed up

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I never got to see you standing up

I never got to see you without your cap on

I never got to feel your hair in my hands

I never got to kiss your lips

I never got to share my body with you

Maybe it’s for the best but who knew

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It hard to write about you because when I’m writing things down it becomes more real. I really hope you do like me I know I probably sound pathetic but I like you so much and you just seem like you’re perfect for me right now. I hope I didn’t mess things up this time. I feel like a pathetic idiot for acting how I did.

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I feel so heartbroken. I’m so naive, so oblivious. I thought all I need was for you to be attracted to me for our lives to fall in place together. I never considered that you didn’t want a girlfriend. You make me feel stupid to even text you. I feel so foolish for what happened. I hope we can get past it. If only you knew everything that was going on. I like you so much I panicked when yo didn’t reply for a couple of days. I don’t feel welcome to extended an invite for you to see me. I just wanted to hang out with you so bad and talk to you and get closer. It would be all I want to do, yet I’m at the bottom of your list of interests.

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I don’t even know how I can do this. I’ve associate blogging here with positive thoughts of you. Here I am 4 days after you bailed on me and ignored 4 texts I sent you. No explanation necessary for me. This hurts so much I never even saw this coming at all. All in a span of one day I feel multiple ways. Sometimes usually in the afternoon I’ll think who cares but in the morning is probably the worst. At night isn’t so bad cause I know most likely you’re at home and at least I have that, whatever that is. It hurts so much I break down crying randomly throughout my days. I hope this isn’t the end of you and I. I thought we could be something far more significant than this.

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I drank till I could remember because it hurt so bad that you didn’t come by. Not only that but you didn’t even tell me why. You didn’t reply you didn’t say if you will ever be by again you just left me there with no words to spear. I hate you for this I never deserved this shit but you did it to me and I feel betrayed

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You don’t know it but you’re breaking my heart and tearing me apart. I’m not saying your to blame I know it’s my own mistake, to idolize someone for 2 years when I don’t know a thing about you. Here I am though, let down, so sad and it feel like my whole world is falling apart. I don’t know why I care about you so much. You’ve never even done anything for me so I don’t know why I expect you to be anything other than temporary. It’s just I got my hopes up once again. But I swear I’ll be so jaded I’ll never feel this deeply again. Maybe it’s for the best. The beauty that existed in me before all this pain will never surface again as far as I can see. The passion and love just gone.

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I remember when I would dream about you during the day, any chance I get I would treat myself. I remember whenever you would be staring I would wonder why and what you were thinking when looking at me. Deep down i really knew you liked what you were looking at. Jus to know that Everytime you stared, it was because You were attracted to me. And Everytime you didn’t speak, it was because you were shy and nervous

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Do you ever think of me at all? On any basis? Because I’m sat here on the floor writing you love notes and and painting with you as my muse. When I lay down at night or get a moment alone during the day all I can think of is you and what you and I could do together. How you would feel inside of me. What your hands would feel like feeling me up. How you would play and please me. What you sound like when I’m pleasing you. The things we could do and how it would all feel.

How do I stop from getting ahead of myself? You’re so focused on you’re job and finances. Your situation is special. I don’t know what to think or expect. It hurts so much the thought of you bailing on me this week that I don’t even like to think about it. I think this time will be more meaningful than any other meeting we’ve had. I’m gonna taste you and sense how you feel.

I wonder what you would think if you knew I’ve been here sitting with you as a muse for my creative outlets. I want to promise myself that no matter what happens between you and I, a creative venture will emerge and blow up. Two years of infatuation and romanticizing every exchange and meeting will not go to waste.

The story of you and I and mostly my life will be told because I thinks it very much worth telling. The effort and and careful planning that has been put in over the two years I’ve know you will not be for nothing.

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What am I supposed to do? I’m just sat here supposed to work, but I can’t stop thinking of you. God knows what you do and who you are thinking of. I think I love you. You say mean things sometimes that are very blunt

I don’t even know how to feel anymore. Part of me just wants you to be obsessed with me but part of me feels the distance is best for many reasons. Part of me is also insecure that you make more money, but I know with you’re line of work is a different story.

I really hope that you are attracted to the person that I am and how I look. I worry that you talk to and hang out with other girls. You’re so busy all the time I admire it so much I love that you’re always doing something productive.

It’s weird because hanging out with you feels so good and I think I honestly love you already. I know we’re taking things slow and you’re focus is your job right now but I miss you and I think about you my whole day. I hope to god we progress. You make me want to be better and work on myself. You motivate me and inspire me. You’re so smart.

Holding you felt so good.

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I daydreamed about you for 2 years, wondering and thinking about what you’re like and who you are. Here we are, you cancel on me. You don’t even update me with any recurring plan. I think you can go fuck yourself quiet frankly. You can go fuck yourself I don’t know who the fuck your think you are but you’re trash and nothing acceptable I hate you go fuck yourself j wasted my life on loving you amd now i hate you

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You cancelled on me today and I had to ask you. I’m so heartbroken it feels like everything I wanted doesn’t exist and I have no reason for existing. This kills my spirit. It hurts so much I feel empty on the inside. I have nothing to say because it feels like if I speak it all feels too real. I hope you do get back to me because when you cancelled I let you know that if you’re no longer interested you can let me know why couldn’t you reply to that. It’s so simple to send a brief text message why couldn’t you Atleast do that. God I wish so bad I knew what you’re life was like and how you thought about me. I don’t understand why you couldn’t Atleast reply to my text. I feel like trash sitting here having to take responsibility for the things I fucked up on in the past.

Fuck he’s so hot. It’s just not even fair for the universe to tease me like this. He’s so god damn fine and sexy. He makes me feel sick because of the distance.