dead fish floating

[deadfishfloating]

did not qualify on dost

[deadfishfloating]

disappointment after disappointment ngl

[deadfishfloating]

softer: bs agri in CLSU

harder: dvm in BSU

in between: any course in UPLB

[deadfishfloating]

got reinvited to dvm in CLSU!!

[kissmebeforecourt]

[gabbyyxoxoo]

[shimmeringterroroblivion]

[lfparker14]

[toxicfeminineaesthetics]

[hazelingmist]

I never really stopped being that lonely 10 year old girl

She’s still there inside me and she forever will be

[serenisleepy]

[deadfishfloating]

softer: bs agri in CLSU

harder: dvm in BSU

in between: any course in UPLB

[deadfishfloating]

today, i prayed.

i lit a candle with a friend. i prayed for the entity above to give me a chance to have my dream within my grasp. i also prayed for my friends whose birthdays are coming up this month.

i prayed to someone/thing i don't even believe in.

i prayed for health. for abundance. for guidance.

and somehow, with me standing in front of the lit candle, the heavy thing on my chest began to subside.

[deadfishfloating]

they say rejection is redirection.

i only wanted that direction.

i already had my head and heart set in studying in that university even under any program. that's why it's so hard to move on.

i hate myself for hating u, up. it makes me wonder how a person that once had overflowing love for you turns to be someone who loathes you and your systems

someday, i will find the courage to let go of this dream and enjoy what i have now. may we all have the courage to do so.

happy may ;)

- miss artel

[deadfishfloating]

a week ago, i was disheartened receiving the red “thank you” instead of a green one—or better yet, “congratulations.” uplb was my dream university.

i first saw the up sablay worn by my ate. i was fascinated by the pop of color of the sablay against her white dress. even after graduating, my relatives still take pride in her alma mater. my father even uses a up lanyard for the key to our tricycle.

i know for myself that i am a below-average student, but i studied for upcat. i really did. my sisters witnessed how i prepared for that damn test.

but some efforts really do fall short.

i know for myself that i am a below-average student—I just didn’t expect up to be the one to tell me.

you are the dream, uplb. i can’t play “bawat daan” by ebe dancel anymore without thinking of you.

now here i am, enrolled in clsu—unsure where to go.

- miss artel