hiraeth

got t worded / just struggling / 21

[deadlybonessz]

you have to tell someone.

[deadlybonessz]

[deadlybonessz]

[deadlybonessz]

started the ABC d¡et since i ga¡ned again :/

sw: 76.6kg

gw1: 70kg

gw2: 65kg

day 1: 193kcal ✅

walking: 229kcal

all i could think about was fooddd but i stayed persistent

[deadlybonessz]

ABC d¡et day 2:

weight: 75.1kg (-1.5kg) first few days is always water weight

food: 289kcal ✅

walking: 221kcal burned

Today was a lot easier but i felt so weak.

[deadlybonessz]

started the ABC d¡et since i ga¡ned again :/

sw: 76.6kg

gw1: 70kg

gw2: 65kg

day 1: 193kcal ✅

walking: 229kcal

all i could think about was fooddd but i stayed persistent

[deadlybonessz]

yooo

[deadlybonessz]

i hate my job so much, but at least the salary good 🥲

[deadlybonessz]

vent & rant

so i'm a football fan of one of the best football clubs in my country (4 years attending almost every game)

there is this guy, we both support the same football club, he's the drummer in the stands, making him "front row fan" if u call it that.

we locked eyes first time 2 years back.. i was kinda standing below the drums facing up.. but i was with my ex so it wasn't gonna happen

im no longer with my ex, and he still searches for me on the stands (not literally searching, but like with his eyes iykwim), and when he finds me he just kinda stares and i stare back.. one time there was this important game, he was sending one of the younger fans to kinda "remove" women or families with children to the other side, since that side was originally for more extreme fans, and the kid literally went behind me to tell that family and women to move aside, but he didn't say anything to me. and back then i felt great because the "drummer boy" saw me at many games and probably told the kid to not approach me as i was regular.

we locked eyes few more times but I don't knowww, its so frustrating its been years, nor me or him is doing anything, i like him a lot but sometimes i just think its all in my head and im imagining things up.. when he looks at me is it bc he likes me, is it bc he doesn't want me at the stands, is it the "i want to fuck you" look or is it just nothing. he's out of my league, he probably likes clean girls, girls that dress up and do makeup, i just look like a straight up hooligan. and on top he's in the first row making him look really unapproachable but why does he look at me then.. idk if he has a girlfriend but i think it would kill me if he does.. idk what to do anymore all that mutual staring and then nothing, im waisting years just daydreaming abt him itsss consuming mee

[brindye]

My childhood self would be disappointed that we’re still here

[deadlybonessz]

[ironpour]

so. how does anyone ever have the time or energy

[deadlybonessz]

[deadlybonessz]

it's been a long time since i've been here, but i'm back.

long story short, was in abus!ve relationship, led me to b!nge eating and emotional eating, got to a point where my bmi said i was obese. buttt i escaped that mf 7 months ago and i lost almost 20kg since then. i'm getting back on track finally.

so here are my stats

ht: 172cm / 5'7ft

hw: 92kg

lw: 54kg

sw: 76kg

cw: 74kg

1gw: 68kg

2gw: 62kg

ugw: 58kg

my ugw used to be 48kg years ago, and i only managed to get to 54kg before being sent to the hospital. my ugw might change as i will never be satisfied with my body.

[h0pefulfl0werz]

drinking water is so great except for the fact i have to pee every 12 minutes

[deadlybonessz]

green tea too 😔

[deadlybonessz]

[deadlybonessz]

yo i'm back

[deadlybonessz]

sometimes i wanna punch this mf in the face for the hurtful things he says