[ NO BACKSIES! ]

"I had heard you were gregarious." "Doctors say it ain't contagious." Wade Winston Wilson. I'm a pap now. Like Homer Simpson on Donkey Dust. Teachin' Business an' Merchandisin' at Xavier's Academy [in this AU anyway. Girl's gotta get her kicks somehow].

[deadpwl-blog]

( will get to the other replies asap, housemates brought home wine !! )

[originclpup-deactivated20180405]

“Fine, but you buy me a new pretzel dog” she smirked. “I mean why would I accept a random pretzel dog, it could have fallen in a toilet or something” she shrugged. “Blood pact? I’ll skip that, I think”

[deadpwl-blog]

“Nuh-uh, no takesie-backsies, it’s this dog or nothin’. And no blood pact? C’mon, I thought you were one of the cool ones.” 

[just-an-archer]

          “——- no, no animals, Wade. The hell’s a wallaby? I never—– what’s the point?”

[deadpwl-blog]

“A wallaby, dude! Bounce-bounce, imagine if Hank Pym got hold of a kangaroo [now that’s a comic book]. How much would it cost ya to box a kangaroo, by the way? I got hella plans and a stick of gum in my pocket you can borrow if you’re up for it.”

[stcrstrucks]

deadpwl:

“I know. Can we literally set it on fire before we go? if Mom asks we just say Mr. Flames got angry at you and blew up the whole classroom.”

[deadpwl-blog]

“Of course, babydoll !! Hypothetical fire ain’t fun. And come on, Eve, burn-boy ain’t takin’ any credit for Wade Family Destruction [WFD™], we blow up classrooms and we do it with pride.” 

[mjpcrkers]

“Now it’s not anyone’s business, but i’ll give you a slight hint; their red.”

[deadpwl-blog]

“Saucy! adding that little tibbit of info to my spidey scrapbook, needed somethin’ more on the panty page. You a fan of arts and crafts, MJ? I’m thinking of startin’ a club at the school -- don’t think Mr X is down to give me anymore knives, though.” 

[ignisgayentia]

soooo i’m in love

[starduststarcrossed]

Visit Original Link

[deadpwl-blog]

I’m off to sleep now [was supposed to go like an hour ago but i’ve been having too much fun lol] // thanks for a lovely first day !!

[originclpup-deactivated20180405]

“You know, I really don’t have anything else to do plus you make me laugh. So promise that pretzel dog and I’m in”

[deadpwl-blog]

“And do you know that you’re the first person to even consider it, so this pretzel dog is all yours [don’t tell her we dropped it twice | three times, actually, if you count the failed pick-up]. I get to keep the key-ring, though. Deal? Blood-pact, maybe? It’s been ages since I’ve done one of those.” 

[philosvphicals-blog]

“One question: which color of care bear? This is an important question, don’t just gloss it over. I don’t feel like doing your job, though, so I’ll just take the stickers and glue them around every project my dad has currently.”

[deadpwl-blog]

“I like the cut of your jib, kiddo. Only the bestest and most adorablest of the care bears, obviously: little miss Love-A-Lot, as pink as a spanked a- uh, ankle. And as of ... [wait for it, wait for it] right now, I declare myself officially on lunch break, so let’s see how many stickers we can fit on all that lame-o science equipment before daddy [wow] has an arachnid-style-aneurysm, shall we?”

[stcrstrucks]

“ – change that pretzel dog into a chimichanga and i’ll even help you with next week’s work.”

[deadpwl-blog]

“you are a blessing on this earth child [fuck that was a weird thing to say, what are you, the pope? well you are a father. is the pope a father? shut up: burritos]. how about we set fire to all this work and go get some grub instead? That’s what family’s for, right; joint arson and good food.”

[spiderdcd]

“ i’d be l a u g h i n g right now if it didn’t hurt so much, “ peter made a face ( well, it was more of a pout, god he was so immature ) “ is that a trick question ?? probably not if you like it so much. “

[deadpwl-blog]

“course it ain’t a trick, petey babe, you know i’m always straight with you. well, straight in the traditional sense. not like. whatever. [slow clap it out, asshole]. and stop makin’ adorable kissy faces at a married man, you sleaze. i’m not gonna smooch your boo-boo better. but hey, maybe if i punch you on the other side it’ll even it out? no pain no gain.”

[emmafrvst]

“Wade Wilson there is no way in hell I’m going to do your grading for you. If you didn’t want to do grading maybe you should of taken something a little more hands on. Get off your lazy ass.”

[deadpwl-blog]

“Baby, don’t be so cold [ha, cold, nice]. You know I’d stick to killin’ if it didn’t get the people so riled up. ‘Sides -- these kids need a real education and I’m the perfect merc for the job. Me an’ paperwork, though, we don’t get along, an’ when I don’t get along with something [or someone] I usually end up shredding them. Uh, it.”  

[mjpcrkers]

“Just trying to help. Second? I feel so loved.”

[deadpwl-blog]

“As you should, anyone who’s got into spidey’s spandex undercrackers at any point has gotta be somethin’ special. Tell me, are they patterned? He’s got tighty-whiteys, ain’t he? The rascal.” 

[mjpcrkers]

“Sorry I yelled, but just in case my first answer wasn’t obvious enough, no, go ask Peter or one of the kids, but don’t tell anyone of them that I said that.”

[deadpwl-blog]

“Hey, you know that makes you an accessory to the crime, right, and coercing darling Benjy and Sarah into becoming accomplices, too? Sickening, have you no shame? Think of the children! But thanks anyway, MJ! Pretty cool; your name is now my second favorite two-letter acronym ending in J.” [BJ’s the first, isn’t it | duh]. 

[sharpthornes]

❝you sent in an application ? what’d you include in your skills ? talking nonsense to a victim until they surrender or commit suicide ? ‘cause half of the time that’s what i wanna do whenever you open your mouth. where the hell would you even get a supply of spider man toys ? don’t you think he’d find it a little creepy that you keep a load of his merch around ? eh, you’ve got a point there. but it’s nothing we wouldn’t be able to take care of if you got out of hand. i honestly don’t know how they haven’t sent to get your ass whooped before. that way they wouldn’t have to keep an eye on you so much plus there’d be one less annoying soul on the planet.❞

[deadpwl-blog]

“ow’ee, mini-xavier, way to kick me in my boo-boo balls. y’know my skills of articulation have got me out of quite a few handcuffs before [but got me into more | in the good way | but mostly the bad way | shut up]. besides, spidey loves my collection, and your papa loves my insane knowledge imparting skills, so let’s just say that my application was accepted and that you’re close to getting --- fuck, what’s it called. detention. yeah. one of those babies.”

[mjpcrkers]

“ – really, wade. how could you bribe me to do your work for you? this isn’t freaking elementary school anymore!”

[deadpwl-blog]

“See, I’d get that reference if I’d ever bothered to turn up to any school ever [besides this one, duh]. Anyway, cool your jets, it ain’t a bribe exactly; it’s a gift in exchange for services. You think you can make your handwritin’ a little less pretty an’ a little more me? If we’re gonna cheat the system we gotta do it right.”