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Gen. Petraeus’s Light Punishment - NYTimes.com As punishment for releasing classified information to his previous mistress, retired general David Petraeus received a harsh sentence of a new mistress, oral sex, and a return to his high-paying job as corporate front-man/trophy piece. Said his current owner, "We were very much relieved to hear that our trophy has been returned to us, but he's going to need some polishing before he goes back on mantle in the board of directors' meeting room. Hopefully there is a tax deduction for that. If there isn't, we'll make one."

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Hello and welcome to my page. Here you will letters arranged in certain sequences in an attempt (*sometimes*) to, as you humans say, "make sense". *coherence not guaranteed #deadrodentyping #welcometomediawhoredom #helloworld #coherencenotguaranteed

The opinionators, as usual, wonder "why can't we compromise", long after having sold their souls the billionaires-in-billion-dollar-bubbles. But in a way you can't blame the Wizards of Wall Street: The supply of souls is at an all-time high, and the market for soul-based derivatives remains far below pre-recession levels. #deadrodentyping #thatsme #shamelessselfpromotion #lookatmememememememememememe #mememememe! #me

#theconomist #nuclearproliferation

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an indignation inside of an indignation and wrapped within an indignation tortilla made of the finest organic indignation flour

I'm sorry, sir, but there is a deplorable lack of liberal white guilt in this essay. Please re-consider describing these adventurers as, 'privileged white neoliberal patriarchy perpetrators'. No one has the right to be happy till there is perfect justice at all times and places. Did anyone else notice that there was not a single woman in sight? Do they hate women? Most likely. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/05/opinion/nicholas-kristof-you-think-your-winter-was-rough.html

#childrensbibletales

Steve Jobs Invents Artificially Intelligent Keyboard.

"This device will change everything," he declared. "It can take notes, locomote by itself to different locations in your office or business, even drive a car. And it's biodegradable." Responded a regular Apple commentator at Wired Magazine, "Frankly it looks fine but what about upkeep and maintenance? Apple has a terrible history of fulfilling its warranty promises--frankly it sounds like more trouble than its worth. I've also heard they can make copies of themselves, and that's just another liability on your company's bottom line. It might have some function for very lonely small-business owners, however."

The FDA

The faster we use antibiotics, the faster we'll get through them and can go back to dying the old-fashioned way. As God intended, obviously. You see any mention of penicillin in the Bible, hippie?

#Why Not?

Tiger Woods' Cock Has Changed Everything.

Let's face it: Tiger Woods' cock has changed everything. Just consider this nugget of wisdom from the NY Times: "This is a moral litmus test. In fact, it’s a test for all of America — a test of where our moral consciousness is these days." Before The Cock, we lived in a world that seemed safe; a world where mothers loved their children, where complete imbeciles can become wealthy men if they can hit a ball with a stick of wood, a world where there was life and light and hopes and dreams...and then It came. And now, after The Cock, it has all fallen apart. We live in a world where love is just a fleeting illusion, where women will have wanton sex with wealthy famous men, where anyone with power and money can get laid pretty damn easily. In short, a world of lies, deceit and deception, where we cannot trust famous people we have never met and with whom our only interaction is writing a letter to their agent or subscribing to their Twitter feed or if we're very lucky having our picture taken with them at a convention of fanboys. Or maybe just a cheap sleazy act of shame and degradation in an overpriced hotel after the concert/game/autograph-convention. This is the world in which we live, and there is no going back...ever...ever...ever....goodbye mother....goodbye love and hope and dreams....And it was The Cock that did it.

#A Brief Hisotry Of Cocks

Mitt Romney, Liberal Icon - Readers' Comments - NYTimes.com

Mitt Romney, Liberal Icon - Readers' Comments - NYTimes.com Well, we all know that only undesirables come down with communicable diseases such as TB, we know that antibiotic resistance is a myth spread by elitists who claim to be 'scientists' who 'know things' (while really just giving us plain folks the high hat), that vaccines are a conspiracy to give Real Americans brain damage. So why would we care about health care for all Americans (most of whom are not of the Real American variety anyway--you know who you are).

Worst April Fools' Quip Ever.

Tiger Woods' Moral Hazard "Be honest. This is a moral litmus test. In fact, it’s a test for all of America — a test of where our moral consciousness is these days."

Very bizarre, but apparently the author was serious, as it was posted on March 30 of this year. Tiger’s Moral Hazard - Opinionator Blog - NYTimes.com: "When Tiger Woods tees up his Nike golf ball at the first hole of the Masters next week, will you be wishing him well? Or will you hope he yanks his drive into the pines and spends four days trudging toward the searing defeat that, in your view, he richly deserves? Be honest. This is a moral litmus test. In fact, it’s a test for all of America — a test of where our moral consciousness is these days."

#What The Hell?#A Brief Hisotry Of Cocks

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