Deadroses-17

These are all my brain thoughts that I can't put anywhere else.

[deadroses-17]

The person that created salsa: I made a new dip for tortilla chips

Friend: oh yeah? What is it?

The person that created salsa: spicy liquid :)

Friend: oh so it’ll be serve on like a plate of chips and dip

TPTCS: no :)) I going to put it primarily in tiny little bowls at Mexican restaurants

Friend: isn’t that just bound for a mess?

TPTCS: :)

[deadroses-17]

Me: ALRIGHT THATS IT I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY

*gets up on stage*

*tries to clear my throat*

*the wishbone I swallowed whole comes back up my throat and I choke to death*

My audience: wow such a commitment

[deadroses-17]

It’s been a bad day.

Actually bad week-no. No.

It’s been a bad fucking year.

I have been torn apart. I have been shattered.

I have been taken for granted and I have been treated as a villain for having boundaries.

I opened my heart, my home, my FAMILY to you.

Yet here you sit, doing nothing but giving me a bad year.

So I take back my heart so that you can’t stomp on it anymore.

I take back my home so you may no longer damage my walls.

I take back my family as they are mine to protect and it was my fault for letting you close enough to hurt them.

You are nothing but a boundary stomping, tantrum throwing child, and I will not let you harm me any longer.

I hope you grow, but never speak to me again. I hope you become better but that you don’t feel the need for redemption because you will not find it within my heart.

It’s been a bad fucking year, because of you. I let you in, I gave you the power to make my life hell. No more.

You cannot hurt me anymore.

[deadroses-17]

Bippity boppit I wish I was a frog riding around in a pocket :)

[deadroses-17]

YOUR BITCH GOT A JOB INTERVIEW I MIGHT FINALLY GET TO LEAVE THE HELLHOLE

[deadroses-17]

I have not posted here since I got a job and it sucks. My job kind of fucking sucks. Why is it so hard to make enough money to just fucking survive.

[deadroses-17]

College is a fucking scam

-

Someone with a BA that has quite literally no job opportunities that require their education.

[deadroses-17]

[deadroses-17]

All but like two of my followers are sex bots and it’s making me want to cry. Please leave me alone😭

[deadroses-17]

Just found out that not everyone gets terrible nightmares where the most outrageous shit happens.

Like me. I woke up this morning crying rubbing my eyes because I had a nightmare that my dad pours boiling hot oil into my eyes because I said something wrong. When I mentioned this and like laughed it off my friends were really concerned and told me that is not a normal nightmare :)

Hate it here.

[deadroses-17]

Please think about teachers when naming your child. Stop spelling Steven as Stephen. Ph makes a fucking F sound. Hate it here

[deadroses-17]

Yeet yote I’m comin’ for your throat

:)

[deadroses-17]

Looking back on my year in snapchat is the only reason I will be going into next year lmaoooo

[deadroses-17]

Lol. No more depressing posts for a bit, turns out I just needed to get back on my meds.

Now I’m functioning and depressed :D

[deadroses-17]

I know I’m slipping because. . .

1AM doesn’t feel late anymore

It’s been months since I’ve gone to bed with my partner

I don’t think my smile is pretty, I think I look ridiculous

I know I’m being an asshole but I’m trying so hard not to be. I simultaneously want to shove people away and beg them not to leave me at the same exact time

I don’t want to talk anymore

Music feels like emotions again

I’m craving my past

I’m crying all the time

The night is terrifying but it’s the thing that makes me face myself the most

My brain won’t shut up but nothing it says matters

I’m in pain all the time

I don’t know what my next steps are.

—

I’m sure I’ll find the rope again and start climbing soon, but for now I think I’m okay slipping down the rope to rock bottom. It’s much easier to keep climbing once you’ve rested.

[deadroses-17]

Here's the thing

I don't want a Prince Charming or a Beautiful Princess to come save me.

I don't want the world.

I don't need the big grand gestures that say "look at all this stuff I got you because I LOVE YOU!".

I don't want to be shown off like a trophy.

I don't need any of it.

BUT

I am not low maintenance.

I want someone who sees flowers when they pick up their daily energy drink and remembers I said they were my favorite so they grab them for me.

I want someone who follows me around adoringly as I look at a bunch of books in a book store when I have twenty un-read ones at home.

I want someone who knows when I've had a bad day and will know to hold me and suggest we watch comforting videos.

I want someone who will patiently walk me through their hobbies so I can love their hobbies as much as I love them.

I want to be able to love as hard as I want without risking looking like a fool.

So no. I won't break your wallet, and I'm not even super pretty or exciting and I won't rock your world. But I'll love you more than anything else you've ever known.

Because yeah I'm high maintenance, but only in the same amount that I am willing to do for you.

[deadroses-17]

So I was playing Dead by Daylight with a few friends the other night, and the killer felt so bad for me (I’m very new at the game) that they killed everyone else, downed me, found the single survivor hatch, and dropped me on it.

I’m baby I guess lmao.