okay! So please say goodbye to this blog and if you feel like it go follow my new one! http://maybe-heaven-is-empty.tumblr.com Sorry for my inconvience ~
I hope I managed to gather all of my lovelies, I'm very sorry if I missed someone, so my follow for you might come 'late'. This blog will be password protected or something like that, but only later, and this message will be reposted couple times, so sorry if you see this more than once! Thank you ♥
yeah okay, maybe some of you have noticed that I have had lack of using tumblr, or actually any social site.. well I have used youtube but maybe in the least social way possible, but that's not my point at all.
I guess this is some angsty shit but it's also informative;;
I have said to people that I have not used tumblr because of the layout which is super slow, but that's only half of the truth.
My main reason for being scared and depressed. My way of coping is, not coping. Doing nothing, is better than getting someone angry at me, having no one at all is better than reaction. And it's lonely as fuck.
But I have such weird trust for people I like, people I admire. Like secretly, I think my sister, someone I admire, someone who I like spending time with, thinks that I am nothing more but annoyance. She has not never said this way, but I twist words in my head, and voila, it's obvious, I'm the cancer that has to be cut off.
And this is the way I feel that people feel about me, that I am something that should be cut off, annoyance, someone who is only there because someone felt kind. And that's why I've felt better to disconnect myself.
Right now, I feel slightly less that way, but I'm still afraid. I'm silly and stupid, and I'm sorry for not trusting people who are kind. It's not like I don't always believe, but most of time I struggle with it.
I don't know what do I do. My life is a dull mess, and I hate it. I resent myself, and I disgust myself for not being able to be, to talk, to anything. sigh