Lost and Found

17, I'm hearing impaired, I want to help people understand what disability truly is, bullied for seven years, daddy problems, learning as I grow each and everday 

[deafgirl98]

Should I?

Should I be happy? Should I be grateful? Everything is falling into a puzzle, but I’m falling in my deep, dark hole. Neverending. Should I let it? 

FA

     FAL

         FALL

              FALLI

                    FALLIN

                            FALLING

[deafgirl98]

A new start in living

Every since I was little I knew I HAD to make my mom proud. My mom did everything in her power to make sure I was raised right. Now I am in my Senior year of high school; What do I do now? How make my mother proud? And everyone else? Where should I go? What professon should I do to make them happy? My biological father wants me to Galludet. My dad who adopted me wants me to move to New Mexico to go to school there. For once what I want, but having all the relationships being demosholished is really something I am willing to risk? I do not know is your answer. I have no fucking idea, but I do know its my time to be ME and show myself who I truly am. Its my time to live. 

[deafgirl98]

Daddy Come Take Me Home

Daddy,

  I am done putting up my wall and isolating myself from you. I say, " Fuck you Bastard" but to be honest I just want you to pay attention to me and me having the knowledge that you know I exist. Is that to much to ask ? I need you. I will always need you to help me through life, emotionally, everything... I  need you to help me through this. I do not know what else I can do! Is this too much for you to give to me?! I need you. I finally said; now I need you to act upon my words. Please. Please. Take me home daddy. 

[deafgirl98]

Dont Break Me

Daddy I thought you were going to be good? You said you were going to change, you made a promise. Maybe I should have listened to my brain,instead of my heart. I gotta get my facts straight. My wall I built is coming down. I am getting crushed. What did I do? It is not my falut. I am dying emotionally. Daddy come back. Be a daddy. Just for one day just show me what it would be like. I need to understand, even though I know that will never happen, just atleast contact mr. I think it is time to say goodbye, but is that going to help me like last time? Or should I suffer again? What should I do? My path is suddenly dark and i am blind. Where am I? Someone please help me. Please?

[deafgirl98]

Growing Up is Hell

I remember wanting to grow up when I was little. I thought everything would be perfect, and my life would be perfection. I gues I was really kidding myself wasn't I? All, I want to be is me and nobody believes that anymore. I want to be little again, tell that little, innocent girl what mistakes not to make, but what would hapen, because mistakes make me, me. Everything I learned is by my doing. I am a better sister than I was almost four years ago, I am a better daughter than I was back then, and overall I am a better person than I was. I don't wanna change anything, but everything is changing and I can't keep up anymore. I am torn. Growing up is hell.

[deafgirl98]

I'm all mixed up

I have figured out so much, but so little. I thought emotionally I had everything figured out, but in the mix of it, i don't what so ever. I have built my road and I was designing it, but now there was a terrible storm that ruined it, now I have pieces and they don't fit. What am I doing wrong? What did I ever do to this damn Earth to make it so fucking pissed at me? I am one person, that can handle so much and I wish that I was a person who doesn't care, but then again what if that was the case? I'm mixed up. I will never ever return to the same state.

I got adopted when I was ten, because my biological father did drugs and was not a father. I needed a father and Wade my step dad (at the time) was the father I never had, soI wanted him to adopt me. After, that happened my biological father's family, basically disowned me and..... still disowns me. I am sixteen years old now and my bio dad's mom feels like the victim and it absolutely kills me. I thought this was the best thing for all three sides of my family and it seems like none were left happy, I feel like I did it out of others, because trying to help people is the person I am. I never thought it was going to end up like this. Now, i'm tired of trying to help my family who is suppose to support me in any decision I make and I feel like I am being lied striaght to my fucking face. Although, the only family that stood right my me is my mom's side of the family, the only ones I believe is my family. Now, I just wish everyone else would give me a break for once. I'm just mixed up to say what the hell just ruin my life like you always have or do I say goodbye? I just don't know what to do with my life anymore.. emotionally. 

[deafgirl98]

I am on the move

Do you ever feel like you do not belong anywhere? No one wil ever accept you. Yeah, that is me. I hide my feelings all the time and I used to eat my feelings, but for the past few months I have finally stopped and started getting real with myself. I dont need my dumbass Father's family, because I have myself and people who are around me who love me and if they are not in the picture well they can all go to hell. I think they already did. 

[deafgirl98]

Sometimes you gotta suck it up

I am not a depressing person, but sometimes I wonder what my life what would have been like if my biological dad was not in my life. Would I still be the same person I am today? Would I cry the same? Be understanding? Respectful? Honestly I am thankful for everything he has done. He fucked up so many times I could not have even count, but would I be the same? It is hard, my life, but I could not have imagined it any different and I am thankful for it. 

[deafgirl98]

WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Saying my forst word when I was four.

[deafgirl98]

Seek and Find

I knew there was something missing. There was a missing puzzle piece that i needed to find. I am a total blonde when it comes down to seeking so I could n't do much finding. All my hiding and suffering would be shared and I never would of wanted that for anyone to imagine. The pain is a demon, it can kill you within seconds. I didn't want to share that. I guess the demon did though, but maybe the demon did something good with all this shaing. It gave me something I couldn't imagine. Ever. The demon's provider, my father gave me a half sister. A older half sister.

I want to cry in happiness. I felt like i could share my anger, anixety, and frustration to her. I knew I missing this weird shaped puzzle piece. It had finally fit in the right spot.This was the picture. A big fat heart. 

[deafgirl98]

Spring break! Thank god!!

[deafgirl98]

Loves this little girl(: <3

[deafgirl98]

Hearing impairment

Ben g hearing impaired can take a toll on your life. It did with mine. Everyday we rely on our hearing.  Hearing sounds and seeing things and feeling things and tasting is what makes us humans.  But I can't have all five. I can't hear almost at all. Life can't be easy without hearing. But I have enchanted life. O make life better because I tell myself everyday my hearing is bad but I need to be grateful for what I have not what I want. Life is learning about new things. You need to be grateful for what you have not what you want.