Dear Dustin,

[thingsfromthedirt]

[neckkiss]

IFHY

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[dear--dustin]

3/8/20 3:33 am

Dear Dustin,

I haven't wrote in a while because I haven't felt the need to. I moved on, and then got hurt again. I just need an outlet right now so I guess I will use this platform.

I think he really loves me. It's like mutual love I don't think I have ever truly experienced, but he is scared to love me. He overthinks everything and pushes me away. He told me that he thinks about me all the time. Even when we are apart for a long time, I am always on his mind... but he has lied and broken so many promises to me that I can no longer trust him.

I was supposed to see him Thursday...he had an excuse and we couldn't. Then it turned into Friday...another excuse and the plans were cancelled...when we talked about it friday night, he really started to open up to me about his feelings. How badly he wanted to be with me and nothing in the world could stop him from seeing me on Saturday night. We had a set time for me to pick him up and everything...then he messaged me. He said "I'm sorry I'm like this...please don't waste your life on me." And then he blocked me.

I've never been so confused in my life. I feel like he really wants this but he overthinks everything and can't get over the fear that one day, I will hurt him or things will change and I will leave. He will literally never be able to be in a relationship with those fears.

I don't know what else I could do to prove to him that I'm a real one. Shit...maybe you could talk to him for me? lol I feel like if I asked you, you probably would. I know that you want me to be happy and in a healthy relationship with someone who loves me the same way that I love them, and you know I can be a little crazy and obsessive, but I love hard asf and I'm loyal and patient af. Maybe if he heard that from my ex, it would help him realize I am definitely for real. Might not be the best idea tho bc then he would know that I talked to my ex about him and that's a little weird.

Maybe he just isn't ready for a relationship right now. He's still trying to find himself and he gets too in his head with all of his insecurities and drives himself crazy. It's crazy bc he literally wanted me to chase him. He wanted me to prove how much I want to be with him...idk I actually think that I do really love him. It's different than the love I had/have for you, but that's because all connections are unique in their own ways. No two loves ever feel exactly the same. I think that's kind of beautiful.

Anyways, I guess I will wrap this up. It's almost 4 am and I don't even know how I'm going to fall asleep with all of this on my brain. Hopefully writing some of these thoughts down will help me release these thoughts. I hope I have a meaningful dream when I fall asleep to maybe give me a message so I can process what is happening with him. Sweet dreams.

[dear--dustin]

10/1/19

Dear Dustin,

It's been a while since I've felt the need to write on here. Talking to you on the phone for 2 hours the other night was really nice. Especially after not hearing from you in so many months.

I wish I could just call you up at any time and we could talk like that. Nothing makes me happier than hearing your voice. I swear. You probably think I'm just crazy, that's ok. I think that about myself often too tbh, but my feelings for you...they still haven't changed.

I love you, Dustin. I didn't tell you that. Just kept saying that I care about you, which is also true, but I was afraid to say the "L" word. I know that you already know how I feel. You know that I still love you. I don't want to push you away. Not like I hear from you very often anymore anyways.

I just don't understand...why her, Dustin? I mean I get it, but I don't. She is more fucked up than you and its just this kind of toxicity that you do not need in your life. I can make you happy, Dustin. I literally know that I can. Way more than her. I messaged her the other night... just wanted to get to know her but she seemed to not want shit to do with me. I felt a very dark energy come off of her. I just want you to be with someone who is good for you. I want more than anything for it to be me, but if you really just don't want me... god someone who will take care of you, make you laugh, give you love... I know you better than any of them ever will though. Just choose me. You won't even regret it. I'll leave everything behind just to be next to you. Too bad I'll never tell you any of this...

[dear--dustin]

[shadowsrunning]

[dear--dustin]

7/13/19

Dear Dustin,

[compulsive]

[stckwll]

[outcrying]

[dear--dustin]

3/19/19 2:45 AM

Dear Dustin,

I hope that you still think about me. That you wonder how I've been and still care. I think about you every day. I don't think that you meant what you said when we last talked. I shouldn't have acted like such a jealous bitch. It was wrong and selfish when I know that we can never be together anyways. I understand that we can't be together yet I still want you all to myself. I just wish that you would fuckin love me. That's like all I want. I'm so alone and I miss you. I just want you to be happy tho. It doesn't even matter what I feel I really just want you to be happy and if she makes you happy for the time being then that's what I want for you.

I realized that the way we have always been is how it always should be. There doesn't need to be a label for it. We can just be best friends and we can still fuck and you know I'll never tell. Just like how we've always been. But it's still hard when there is someone else. I know that you love me...its just not the same way and you're more rational than I am. My brain understands all of the reasons why we could never work in a relationship but my heart feels differently. My heart ignores everything rational and I can't control how I feel about you.

I love you so much. I hate fighting with you. I feel like I can't reach out to you and talk to you anymore and I told you we're not friends and to never call me again so idk what to do now. I guess I wait and hope that you ignore what I said and call me eventually. Or I'll contact you, but I'm waiting for mercury to be done with retrograde bc I know right now is not a good time.

Maybe by then you and her will be broken up or not doing well. Shit... I want you to be happy but I want to be the one who makes you happy more than anything. Maybe we're better off as just friends. Maybe we're better off as nothing at all. Maybe we really should never talk again. Maybe we can no longer be friends bc my feelings are still too strong and you don't have those feelings for me anymore.

I don't know what to do tho. I can't imagine never hearing your voice again. I just want to hold you. I don't care about sex. I haven't cared about sex in a long time I just want to hold you. I want you to know how loved you are. I love you so much. It's hard to breathe without you. I know I could be with someone who treats me better, but it wouldn't matter if they couldn't make me feel the way that you do.

I just miss your voice. I miss your smile. I miss your eyes. I miss the way your lips taste. I miss your scent. It doesn't stop. I even went on a tinder date and I'm trying so hard to move on, but I just can't let you go. My heart won't allow it. I feel like I'm just going to die one day. Not do shit and just die of a broken heart. I wish I would tbh. I just want this pain to go away. I'll never stop loving you.

[trauma-demon]

[timbllr]

Had to share this @WeHeartIt

[recaption]

[understands]

[understands]