Day 47
I wish to write and draw again. I wish not let to be stopped. Of demons lurking whispering unto my ears.
I seemed to care not of prejudice of people back then as I hold no one but myself, as I kept what I was doing only to mine before I declared to be like of my heroes or mentors and took perhaps of the path to be like them, time passed and I seem to forgot of lingering pursuits and thoughts that I once had.
I am in lost. Afraid. And loss of words of who I am. Of who I want to be. Of dreams that I once had. I still am who I was but rather different as well. I can’t pinpoint what has lost, was it my passion? Was it the urge? Was it the care on nothing at all but to express and dump what excess that I have on my mind and soul and care not of papers and diplomas rolled unto my sleeves, of experiences I’ve yet typed again unto my cv and subjective papers that seem to corporate and box me to whom I wish to be seen by others? Here I am, reclaiming what I once had. The dream. The urge. As I hum unto a song of Eraserheads’ Balikbayan. Uuwi na tayo as I keep on repeating those words and repeatedly playing the song. It feels melancholic. I was suppressed by thoughts, of conformity, of roles that I must take, for who ‘I’ was. Never did I know that I was freer back then when thinking of such things as I think of them now. As I still am today suppressed from the thoughts and fear of the unknown and to be wrong, I was better I guess then as I know I was dumb of not knowing methodologies, of words and perception of what may art is, I was better in accepting and learning facts and accepting life as it is as fear wasn't a hindrance at all. I think most adult people can relate unto this not only of the people in the creative area as kids seem to be adaptable and doesn't judge what they’ll learn and contrasting it fast on their preconceived of what is wrong and right and I, thinking these hope to be one for the rest of my life. To be a kid, to write and draw once again and not be afraid of wherever it may lead to as I think continuing whatever I want is truly what you need to pursuit in life for happiness and contentment be filled unto one's soul.