dear person reading this

benj | 28 | pronouns: he/they | main: @its-ben-awhile

[mybrainvoid]

To any followers struggling with OCD:

This is a reminder that your thoughts do not define you. You are not your compulsions. You are doing your best, and that is enough. Healing is not linear, and you deserve patience and peace.

PLEASE REBLOG THIS YOU MIGHT HELP SOMEONE FEEL LESS ALONE

You are strong for facing each day, even when your mind makes it hard. If you ever need someone to talk to or just need a safe space, my DMs are open. You are not broken. You are human.

[its-ben-awhile]

i started therapy a month ago, specifically for the purpose of getting a referral letter for top surgery. and now that i'm talking about it and actively trying to get it, it's... it's weird.

i know others have felt the same way; suddenly become indecisive about it and don't really know how to weigh the pros and cons. my brain keeps flip flopping, and despite knowing how badly i've wanted this for YEARS, i can't stop having a fear that i'll regret it. and my biggest thought right now is "am i lying to myself?"

i've struggled with finding myself my entire life; gender, pronouns, sense of style, etc.. i'm the most fluid person i know, and it's confusing as hell. what if i get this surgery and immediately miss my feminine figure, even though i've hated it for such a long time? even looking at photos of myself when i was 'happy' in my body, it screams "i'm a boy/nonbinary person cosplaying as a girl because it's fun and i feel pretty."

i feel like i'll never 'feel at home' in my body, and it sucks. how do i combat this?

[its-ben-awhile]

it's so funny getting notes on this now because i've already gone forward with wanting to get it. everything is happening faster than i expected, especially considering that my initial intake consultation was only scheduled because of a cancellation.

anyway... time to play the *real* waiting game🥲

[its-ben-awhile]

updating this post is so wild, because things are going much faster than i expected. there is no 'waiting game' to be played.

it only took a week for my insurance to approve the request after it was sent, which was maybe a week after my consultation? to be fair, the surgeon i chose was BOOKED SOLID for the rest of the year (through march 2026), and they asked if i'd like to swap just in case and that i can always swap back. i agreed, because 1.) i like meeting different medical professionals, and 2.) getting something sooner (preferably over the summer) would be fantastic.

but i have my next visit with my surgeon in 2 weeks. the emotions are HIGH, and my anxiety is through the fucking roof. but through this entire experience, i've realized that i wouldn't be doing this if i didn't want to, especially considering just how indecisive i can be. i wouldn't be going feral with research, deep diving into others' experiences, and even just coming to terms with myself and my identity.

another thing. in the first post from this thread, i said: "even looking at photos of myself when i was 'happy' in my body, it screams 'i'm a boy/nonbinary person cosplaying as a girl because it's fun and i feel pretty.'" i realize now that i was happier for a reason, and that reason being how my chest was a whole band and two cup sizes smaller. so not only is my dysphoria a big factor in all of this, but body dysmorphia is as well. not to mention all the shit i've been having to unlearn (due to being raised in a primarily conservative household/state).

all in all, i'm so fucking proud of myself. and i thank whoever that person that cancelled their appointment every single day.

more updates to come♡

[dear-person-reading-this]

you will have ups. you will have downs. you will feel that life is hard somedays. and that's okay. life is VERY hard regardless. but you've made it another day. and no matter what, i am here for you.

[dear-person-reading-this]

you may be having a bad day. that’s okay. bad days exist, and it’s okay to have one. but, when the day comes to an end, treat yourself to something relaxing and sweet. you deserve it <3

[dear-person-reading-this]

it's okay to not be okay.

no matter your feelings, they are valid and real.

[dear-person-reading-this]

i know life seems like it won't be getting better anytime soon. a lot of us feel that way. but let me remind you of how much value you have; how much you are loved.

in this time of grief, let us build each other up and make connection. let us stand together and fight for ourselves and our right to be heard; to be seen.

you deserve kindness. you deserve respect. you deserve true, unconditional love.

[dear-person-reading-this]

tell your friends you love them. tell them how much you care; how much you truly adore their presence. let them know how happy they make you just by existing.

[its-ben-awhile]

i’m updating some things, so let me post some updated links

about me

socials

music

masterlist

master masterlist

[dear-person-reading-this]

i've been super inactive on this blog and i'd like to change that. thank you to you all who have stuck around <3

[dear-person-reading-this]

today may not be a good day

but there are good things to look forward to

keep your head up

you got this

[dear-person-reading-this]

Friends! Hello! It has been such a long time since I've posted on any of my blogs, and I feel terrible about it.

I really want to get back into writing, on this blog and maybe a new blog with some Legend of Zelda fanfiction?

Anyway, I hope all of you are doing well and having a wonderful holiday season. Feel free to reach out if you need some advice or comfort. I'm always here for you💖

[dear-person-reading-this]

Update: Incase anyone is interested in checking out my Legend of Zelda blog

@simping-for-sidon

(I'm definitely looking for a better name, but😅)

[dear-person-reading-this]

Friends! Hello! It has been such a long time since I've posted on any of my blogs, and I feel terrible about it.

I really want to get back into writing, on this blog and maybe a new blog with some Legend of Zelda fanfiction?

Anyway, I hope all of you are doing well and having a wonderful holiday season. Feel free to reach out if you need some advice or comfort. I'm always here for you💖

[its-ben-awhile]

prepare for trouble

make it double

to protect the world from devastation

to unite all peoples within our nation

to denounce the evils of truth and love

to extend our reach to the stars above

jessie

james

team rocket blasts off at the speed of light

surrender now or prepare to fight

(meowth, that's right!)

this halloween was an absolute blast

year 4 of making my own costumes = success

[dear-person-reading-this]

Hey! I was looking for your blog because it was one of the things I remember seeing and reading when I just got onto tumblr. I would say I haven't been doing well on my studies lately, I don't seem to have the motivation to even do my homework and it's hard, most of my grade would depend on it and I can't bring myself to do anything, it's just been hard. I'm not even trying to do my homework anymore, and I don't know what to do.

I'm so so sorry that you're feeling this way. I felt somewhat the same in school, and I'm sure it's been a common thing now, because of Covid-19. I know I have definitely felt drained mentally and physically at my job from it.

I don't know where you are located, as I know school systems in different countries start during different times of the year. But, if you're able, take a break and try your best to relax/do something you love to do. This past year and a half has been a lot to handle, and adding school and/or work into the mix can be EXTREMELY overwhelming. You are more important than a number💕

I apologize for taking a while to answer this ask. I have overextended myself this week with work and volunteer events, and I RARELY heck tumblr anymore😅 I hope you are doing okay, and I'm sending lots of love and support your way💖

[its-ben-awhile]

I finally finished Rapunzel?

And yes, I styled that wig myself, and it took FOREVER!!!

[dear-person-reading-this]

This blog turned 3 yesterday! Wow time flies.

I haven't been around much. I've sort of gotten out of the habit if using tumblr. It was a toxic place for me in the time I used it. But this blog helped me in so many ways.

To all of you still looking at the posts here, and to all of you who have stuck with me through my other blogs: Thank you. I hope the world is treating you with kindness in these dark times.

I'd really like to start writing positive little posts again. I feel like I myself need them now more than ever.

If any of you EVER want to submit a note/letter, or just something positive you think the world needs to hear, feel free to. My box is always open💖

[its-ben-awhile]

Learn a lot? From the flowers? More at 7.

Today was such a wonderful day. I'm so glad that I have a place to take pictures and take walks while still practicing social distancing. Big thank you to my boyfriend for taking these photos.