This shit actually pisses me off, right now. It might not later.Â
It might not later, but right now, that slaps me in the face because I donât knowÂ
what rock bottom was or is. Or if the emptiness and space I feel right now is rock
Iâm fortunate. Iâm privileged in my own rights.Â
Maybe I am trying to pull a fast card and cry wolf about my last academic year.
But that is over. My life probably hit a real rock bottom and felt like rock bottomÂ
for the longest while since my last birthday up until recently along with theÂ
quarantine to confuse my mindset.Â
Trial after trial, I overcame them all yet at this point, I sit with more questionsÂ
What was all of that for?Â
And I myself am disappointed every time for feeling so weak and listless.Â
For feeling so still in time, but also not knowing what to do with the time.Â
Questioning my worth, wondering if any of this was worth it.Â
I believe what holds me for living right now is the simple and pure factÂ
that I am stronger than this. I want to see it through because I know I am betterÂ
than who I feel I am right now.
Right now, I am where Iâm at and I have to accept that.
But the possibilities of where I can be, and how I can change where I am areÂ
I donât know. This is jargon but itâs my jargon. So heh.
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