A Journal

This is part of how I cope. If I reblog anything from you without correct source or credits, please let me know. I didn't do it on purpose.

[dearchester]

Saturday, 23rd November 2019

Dear Chester,

I am happy. Can you believe it? I never thought I might ever be again. But I truly am. And mostly it might actually be thanks to  my new boyfriend. ...”boyfriend” sounds weird, considering that I am over thirtyfive and he is even over forty... :D But anyway... he’s a good guy and I feel safe with him. He takes care of me, Without even realising. It’s crazy! I never thought a person like that existed, but there he is... Please wish me/ us luck!  

[dearchester]

Sunday, 21st July 2019

Dear Chester,

I survived another “anniversary”. It feels very weird: like just yesterday and forever ago at the same time. I still miss you (d’uh) and so does everyone else. But most of us seem to at least have most of their life back together. I myself basically doged social media. Was in denial. Cause I know, else it would drag me back down. I guess you can forgive me for that. 

[dearchester]

Thursday, 06th June 2019

Dear Chester,

it’s coming up to two years. Every now and then it still hits me and I have to cry. I think it is safe to say, I have never mourned anyone as much as you. I miss you!

[dearchester]

Thursday, 13th December 2018

Dear Chester,

it’s been quite a while and mostly I am doing okay. I went to see Mike in concert and it was amazing. I can listen to Linkin Park and even to Mike’s album without too much of an emotional response most of the time too. But those are all moments that I am, let’s say: mentally prepared. But whenever there’s a reference or a song sprung on me, it still stirs something up and leaves me with a big sadness. You are missed.

[dearchester]

Friday, 20th July 2018

Dear Chester,

has it been a year already? It feels like yesterday and ages ago at the same time. I want you to know that mostly I am doing fine. But every now and then someone asks about my tattoo or my shirts and when I have to say out loud that you’re dead and how that hurt, I still get a lump in my throat. 

Having Mike share his inmost feelings on his album helped a lot btw. Being the kind soul he is, he keeps up your’s and the band’s legacy of saving people. He’s coming to Germany. And since I’ve learned the lesson of not delaying things until it’s too late the hard way, I got myself a ticket. Not quite sure how I feel about going there alone though.

Anyway, originally I thought I’d go to some memorial today or do something else especially to honour and remember you. Then I thought: hnah, I am doing too well by now, it will just drag me down again. Apart from the fact that I do think of  and try to honour you every day anyway. You are still dearly missed and I doubt that it will ever change. So then I figured I better stay away from social media and all, just try to pass the day somehow. But it got to me after all. Actually first thing this morning already and it accompanied me all day. That strong feeling of loss. But life goes on and let me assure again: mostly I am doing fine. I’m an aunt now, you know. And somehow I have to influence that tiny human in a good way and part of that will be your music. I just have to do it in secret, cause I think my brother won’t approve. He’s weird that way^^ Never had good taste in music. Well... I guess what I am trying to say is: you’ll never be forgotten. We keep you in our memories and our hearts.

[dearchester]

[dearchester]

Saturday, 26th May 2018

Dear Chester,

I am waiting for sunset to sit on the balcony and finally listen to OML Live... I even bought an oldschool CD player, to do so in style.

[baenningtons]

Over and over and over again.

[myreticentvale-deactivated20231]

Keep the flame going for those we have lost to suicide. 

[magickowl]

why has this not got any notes 

[councilmandexhart]

a middle school girl commited suicide here a few days ago..she was 14..

[willwin92]

my followers know who this is for.

[dead-star-darling-deactivated20]

One of my nephew’s good friends took his own life earlier today. He was 18 years old, and had graduated one month ago.

[trilogykitty]

Daniel Kyre. almost three years ago. i go on his instagram occasionally and still see recent comments, saying how much they miss him. you mean more than you may think.

[odetstark-blog]

chester bennington ♡

[antisocialaddict]

[dearchester]

Friday, 27th April 2018

Dear Chester, 

Mike keeps doing the thing where I end up crying. But I love how open he is about his emotions.

[dearchester]

Monday, 9th April 2018

Dear Chester,

I went out on saturday. Got pretty wasted too, cause I just wanted to forget stuff. And then they played Linkin Park. Had a total breakdown right there on the dancefloor. Not awkward at all…

[dearchester]

Wednesday, 28th March 2018

I just thought: You are all not ready for the real me...

A lot of people know about my struggles. But none of them know it all. Not even my therapist. I feel that, if there was one person, that I would confide in... completely... they either would not understand or they would crumble. And I can't take that chance. If someone would crumble because of me... I could not take it. Just as I couldn't take if someone would try to argue my struggles away. So what am I supposed to do? How do I survive?

[dearchester]

Friday, 23rd March 2018

Dear Chester,

last night I dreamt of you again. And I was really happy in that dream. The sadder I am to be awake now. But I want to thank you for making me remember what happiness feels like. Now I have a goal to work towards.

[linkinparknews]

Happy Birthday Chester. There’s lots of love for you in the world. 🖤

[shelienead]

“Oh the winter and spring Going hand in hand just like my love and pain How the thought of you cuts deep within the vein Brand new skin stretched across scarred terrain”

[osmilizsarian]

favorite linkin park lyrics: hybrid theory - crawling [2/3]