Dear Gina,

This is the start of healing my inner child to achieve my highest good and soul purpose. I hope my words positively resonate with anyone who is struggling with personal issues.

[deargina9]

7th Grade pt 1

Alex is everything. Best friend, sister, other half, and only one who understands the real you. You thought you brought her down but time after time she’s there for you through it all. She tries to teach you the importance of education but unfortunately you don’t pay any attention. Not because you don’t care about her or what she has to say. You’re just being tormented by something deeper than just “I gotta ace this text.” You’re seeing your classmates changing aren’t you? The energy in the room feels thicker than ever with everyone seemingly trying to find their way and place in the world. Clicks are forming and it kind of makes you feel left out doesn’t it? Yes, you have Alex, but inside you are screaming, “Why can’t anyone else love me the way she does? I don’t try to be so mean, annoyed, or angry but I’m just so passionate about belonging to a bigger group that I don’t know how else to channel all this emotion!” 

The “twins” are becoming the powerhouse of the class. They are nice to your face but it’s like you can see right through their masks. Kind of as if you were wearing one of your own? So you can see it as well sort of thing. Unfortunately, in your anger and fear (of retaliation if you stand up for yourself) you direct it verbally to RW and CS. They didn’t deserve that from you. They needed the love you were naturally born with to help them through their first year. Just like you did. I’m being stern with you so you can see from both sides and perspectives dearest Gina. So you can learn and grow. 

You were doing the best you could in this stage of your life. All this anger is so so burdensome. You see the stress in your face and bags under your eyes even in your school picture.  But no one else sees this. How much the judgement is overtaking you. Classmates laughing at your expense just to either be dicks or because thy were hiding their own self hatred in the words they spat on you. Even now you learn to pay extreme close attention to body language. You’re learning how impactful a shift in posture, a look in the eyes, and hand movements REALLY tell the story of what someone says. And you realize we all lie. Big or small we all wear masks to hide who we truly are. The need to feel accepted is instinctual my darling girl. It doesn’t mean you’re weak at all for wanting this connection. You are actually ahead of your time recognizing this! Look how smart you are! Look and feel how much love you have and want to give to people! What a beautiful soul you have. 

...to be continued

[deargina9]

6th Grade

Dear Gina,

There’s a new boy in your class. He has the same color skin as you! Finally, you’re not alone! Oh wait. You know those looks. The teachers and kids at school are waiting for you guys to be best friends or something. Like a damn science experiment to see if they can get the two monkeys to play. You think he’s feeling the same way. Why else would he be treating you so poorly?! Since you’re used to this bullying thing by now it’s easier to “bite back”, isn’t it? Especially since he is being WAY WORSE than the other guys ever were. But he opened up that pandoras box and now it’s open season on you. My darling girl... you shut out another important lesson at this time in your life. Put my glasses on and I’ll show you. See?? See his family laying enormous pressure on him to succeed? See those same people pitting you two against each other also laughing and teasing the both of you? He was hurting too sweet girl. But because you let the darkness cover your eyes you couldn’t see it. Sweet girl, I don’t blame you for your very human action. We make mistakes and have our blinders on all the time. It’ll take some life experience for you to learn to pull that dark veil off quicker. Just remember you did the best you could under the circumstances to survive and protect yourself against even more pain. 

Your sensual curiosity for boys is developing more. There’s a boy in class you’re crazy about! He still teases you but for some reason you don’t think he means it. Maybe because we were taught as girls that if a boy teases you that means he likes you. He’s cute but he is not very nice to you. Best of a bad situation I suppose. Let me give you some motherly advice....CUT THE CORD! You are a beautiful soul who doesn’t deserve a “love” like that. A man is supposed to lift you up in a relationship. Encourage and motivate you to achieve your highest good. What he gave you is NOT love. This is so important! Don’t forget this wonderful lesson. Forgive yourself for allowing dysfunctional ideas of love cloud your judgment.  

Alex has been such a great best friend. This rock music is almost overwhelmingly therapeutic. Why isn’t everyone listening to this amazing genre of music? It’s the rawest expression of emotion you’ve ever felt. Dang it. We have to hide it from mom. She would be really upset if she found out. Gospel and classical music are the only things that cut it in this house. Guess what though? Mom was doing the best she could with what she was dealing with.  Mom was dealing with “losing” her first born going to college on the other side of the country and all the stress that could go into that. Also, this is where her marriage slowly stated to fall a part. Dad was going out and buying new things without even consulting her or taking her feelings into account. In a way, dearest Gina, Mom was getting bullied too. Forgive her for not noticing you. It wasn’t because she didn’t love or didn’t want to get to know you. She was just fighting her own battles. 

Your favorite get away was piano lessons with Mrs. E. She was the nicest person and everyone loved her. Especially you! She gave us confidence that we could do anything we put our mind to! It was great to be allowed to get so creative vs my other world which was so controlling. Wait, WHAT?!  I thought when you love someone enough to marry them, they don’t cheat. Mr. W was such a nice man who was always smiling and cared deeply and loved his family. How could Mrs. W do that!? She was with WHO!? MR. E?! My piano teacher’s husband!? The school’s and church’s moral fall a part. They didn’t deserve that did they? It hurt you more than anything to see your piano teacher so deeply hurt. Your lesson here, dear one, is that everyone has flaws. No one is perfect and that’s okay! When you make “mistakes” you’re creating a new prospective and learning lessons that will help you or someone else down the line. 

I intend to bring my inner child and all her painful wounds and experiences back into union with my now self. I AM SO LOVED! I am so grateful for this life lesson. It is done. 

[sassystalley]

It all started when I was a child. The man who was supposed to teach me how to love and be loved, really did teach me just that. But, it wasn't what you think.

No this isn't a fairy tale of rainbows and butterflies. This is my story. The story of how I had to learn love on my own. Not what was embedded in me.

You see, from a very young age. My father "loved" me. He would buy me pretty pink frilly dresses. He would throw me birthday parties and invite friends over to celebrate. He would show the church members just what a wonderful father he was. But, what went on behind closed doors. That was the nightmare.

I remember laying in bed, 4 or 5 years old. A dark figure standing at the doorway. (Everyone else was asleep) and in came my father.

He would lay down beside me, reassuring me just how much he loved me. Stroking my hair. Tickling my back. Telling me that if I tell mommy or anyone else, he and I BOTH would get into trouble. Branding that into my little brain. All while making me believe, "he loved me."

For years and years I had pushed those nights away deep in the back of my mind. Thinking to myself, "NO WAY! Your dad couldn't have done that. Not after everything else he had put you and your family through."

Well, let me tell you. After therapy, cognitive rehabilitation, self discovery, and hypnosis. Yes! That's exactly what he had done.

But, not just to me. To my other siblings. To God only knows who else. And that is just the beginning....

[deargina9]

5th Grade

Dear Gina,

Something weird happened didn’t it? The blonde girl WAS your very best friend for so long. You think, “Why does it feel like I’m losing her?” You swear you haven’t changed. You’ve been the same sweet, energetic, and friendly person you’ve always been to her. Why does she want to hang out with that other girl so much all of a sudden? What does she have that you don’t? That long, black, and silky hair. She’s skinnier than you. She’s taking your friend... your one true friend. So you thought, right? Guess what hunny? All of this is for a reason. You and ‘blonde girl’ were getting too close and that friendship would have taken you down a very dark path. Not to say she was a bad person. Your Spirit Guides intervened and stopped that before it took you off the deep end. This was your first death in the truest sense of the word. Your friendship died to make room for Alex. Believe it or not, Alex is going to go from not liking you to being your best friend for about 17 years! Blonde girl? We still keep in touch here and there. How great is that! After all these years and after this fall out, we still manage to stay in contact. 

The twins are gaining momentum in their popularity while you’re losing it. You feel so lost losing friends, getting a bad teacher, liking boys and none of them liking you back. This is all you’re thinking about, love, and it has to stop! You’re so blinded about what you’re losing you’ve lost sight of what you’re GETTING! You have Alex! You’ve gotten a new friend, KK, who is only 4 days a part from you! To this day we call her our “4-day-twin”. Even deeper than that, what was done to you was done to her too. You are not alone little one. You never were. We still aren’t! 

You’re starting to serve unhealthy revenge. RM sings incredibly well, gets straight A’s, and all the teachers adore her. You have none of those things going for you (or so you thought at the time). You teased and made fun of her. Made her feel bad and insecure about herself. You did to her what they did to you. Worst part? Didn’t even feel good, did it? You even did the same thing to another girl. Dearest Gina, you will never be happy stepping on, teasing, and judging people. You are physically not able to feel happiness this way because you were born to help people in any way you can. I understand where your hurt came from. You no longer need this pain as it no longer serves a purpose for you. Take these lessons you’ve learned all through your life. Forgive yourself! You were doing the best you could at this moment in your life. You’re still such a great kid. You are SO loved!!

I intend to bring my inner child and all her painful wounds and experiences back into union with my now self. I AM SO LOVED. I am so grateful for this life lesson. It is done. 

[deargina9]

4th Grade

Dear Gina,

What a change from Union City right? This place looks so weird. Going from the city to the “country” huh? I’m sorry you had to leave your friends. You’re going to miss them dearly, I know. But guess what? You are going to be just fine little one. You don't have to deal with your sister using you for sensual expiraments. Thats what it was. She was at the age when you get curious. She didn't realize the damage she was causing and neither do you. You're too young to understand, thank God. But forgive her when you can.

You’ve got this new big house, huge backyard, and a new town to explore in with new friends! It’s your first day in summer school. The girl with the blond hair is nice to you. She is your age and in the same class! You met a new friend just in a matter of a few days! Look how friendly you are sweet girl. She seems to be the popular one in your class so maybe if you act a little like her you’ll be popular to and not the new kid in school.

First day of school and you think, "wow ...no one in my class looks like me...." Eh, that's okay! The class is mostly white and you're a beautiful black princess. Besides, mom says you love everyone no matter what, right? Picture day! Your hair is all nice with those beautiful braids. A girl in class is nice enough to let you wear a butterfly barrette in your hair just like she's doing! Wasn't that so sweet and nice of her to share?

Hmm..those two boys aren't very nice to you are they? They said your hair looks like Predator from those action movies mom won't let you watch. It really hurt and made you feel badly about yourself, didn't it sweetheart? It hurts because they gave a name to the differences in our physical appearance. Giving it a name made it more real to you that people actually view you differently from them.

Guess what my little chick-a-dee? You don't have to give them that power! No one can make you feel less of a person except you. You get to choose to be proud of everything you are, inside AND out! You are one special little girl who is going to do amazing things when you grow up. To make this world a better place. HOW COOL IS THAT!? Yes, they teased your hair but your hair DOES NOT DEFINE YOU, little one. Long, short, curly, straight, on your head, or even completely off...whatever your hair is doing that day doesn't control what's in your heart or how you feel about the world. That's all inside of you and can never be cut out or go away. I set the positive and healing intention that these words will now and forever be in your memeory. Your are perfect just the way God made you! YOU ARE SO LOVED!

I intend to bring my inner child and all her painful wounds and experiences back into union with my NOW self. I AM SO LOVED! I am so grateful for this life lesson. It is done.