dear, bewildered, awkward.

❝ i taste every wasted minute. all the things i could have been, but i never had the nerve ⏤ life and love, i don’t deserve. did i squander my divinity? was happiness within me the whole time? ❞ winifred "winnie" desmond-ross. philanthropist and golden girl. dependent oc for wealthyhq.

[dearwinifred-blog]

fysebastian‌.

“it’s hardly a loss at all, honestly. i’m more upset about the loss of wine,” he admits, in a small attempt to lighten the mood. “nevertheless, it looks nice on you. here, take my jacket. i insist,” he tells her. he figures it might at least hide the unsightly blemish until she’s ready to leave the event. he hands her the suit jacket he’s had draped over his arm for a good part of the evening. packed tightly among the warm bodies, he hadn’t found much need for it until now. “somebody’s gotta keep the dry cleaners in business, right?” he quips. “i know a guy, don’t worry. saved my ass last halloween with a fake blood mishap. and that’s pretty much impossible to get out.”

smiling softly at the joke, winnie’s nose scrunched up in delight. she was so relieved that he wasn’t mad at her for the incident, or that he wasn’t worried about upsetting her and her dress -- it made this whole thing so much easier. slipping his jacket on with a polite, delighted little grin, the redhead giggled. “i suppose so!” she agreed, before reacting with a bright laugh to the halloween story. she’d never been one for dressing up and celebrating the event herself, but she loved hearing stories about it. “oh, goodness. a fake blood mishap? that sounds terribly exciting. a good story, i hope?”

[dearwinifred-blog]

ｉｍｅｓｓａｇｅ→ giovanni

giovanni: yea, don't mention it!

giovanni: i'd love that :) what did u have in mind?

winifred: oh i'm glad! i was thinking maybe a coffee or some lunch, or something?

winifred: not that it's a date. i'm not trying to be presumptuous. i just thought it might be nice. just to thank you. if that's okay.

winifred: but yeah. thank you.

[dearwinifred-blog]

ｉｍｅｓｓａｇｅ→ kylie

kylie: when you say to make you do things

kylie: what do you mean?

kylie: if you're looking for trouble, i'm deadass the best person for it

kylie: what's your limit?? lolol

winifred: nothing illegal or something that if i were a minor, my parents would kill me

winifred: because even though i'm not a minor, my older brothers still might see fit to kill me for whatever we do

winifred: which is, you know, s a f e

[dearwinifred-blog]

@edenlane asked:

[text] It’s been twelve hours and I think I’m officially ready to enter into the slutty stage of the break up phase.

[ text ]: oh wow, okay. good for you!! [ text ]: as long as you do it safely!!! [ text ]: and tell me no details

[dearwinifred-blog]

glitter: describe someone special to you.

“oh, gosh. fezco is... he’s such a delight, isn’t he? we’ve been best friends for so long and i just feel so close to him. you know -- despite being made of nothing but anxiety most of the time, i’ve never really felt bad around him. you know what i mean? he’s just... such a darling.” // @fezcoz

[dearwinifred-blog]

[ereans]

muse memes; text message edition part one.

[text] Today I asked my mother to buy me smaller condoms by mistake, instead of smaller tampons. If she pitifully looks at your crotch the next time you come over, don’t be confused.

[text] You yelled at the kitchen sponge and asked for the Krabby Patty secret formula. I’m pretty sure you were drunk.

[text] I just finished watching Alice in Wonderland for the third time in a row. I’m starting it again. I’m eating cocoa puffs. I’m a grown man. If you’re ever feeling down about yourself, just remember that you could be me.

[text] It’s been twelve hours and I think I’m officially ready to enter into the slutty stage of the break up phase.

[text] The last time I heard someone say ‘YOLO,’ I ended up getting arrested for pole dancing in the middle of a shopping mall. Too soon.

[text] On a scale of 1 to I should go prepare a grave for [him/her] in the woods, how’re you handling the break up?

[text] So anyway, the moral of that story is that they actually have a tiny jail in malls.

[text] I caught him masturbating to the Mario Bros. theme song. I’m marrying him.

[text] I just remember a disco ball flashing in the bathroom as I finger-banged a drag queen’s cleavage.

[text] You ran around town with nothing but my sister’s barbie doll taped to your junk.

[text] FUCK. FUCK. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. IT’S NOT SAFE.

[text] You know how I sent you that selfie of me peeing on a cop car? Burn your phone. And if the cops stop by your door, I have a twin named Miguel.

[text] THE BABY IS CRYING THE MICROWAVE’S ON FIRE AND THE DOG IS DRAGGING HIS NEUTERED BALLS ACROSS THE FLOOR. BABYSITTING IS EASY, THEY SAID.

[text] On the plus side I started dissolving vitamins into my morning bottle of whiskey.

[text] Please tell me you don’t know why the dean came to me asking why there was blood in our dorm.

[text] WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY! THE SKY IS GREEN, THE GRASS IS BLUE, AND THE TRESS ARE JUST BLOWING THROUGH THE LEAVES!

[text] You told them the TV just grew wings, unbolted itself from the window and threw itself at the ground, and then started to cry because you believed your own story and thought it committed suicide. I’m pretty sure the police were justified in drug testing you.

[text] Hyyypothetically, if you happened to run out of toilet paper and the only other people in the bathroom were the two people having sex in the next stall over, would you act like you didn’t know what was going on and just ask, or politely wait until you heard the chick swallow?

[text] I am literally ashamed of what I would do for a Klondike bar.

[text] His grandmother ripped off her clothes and started belly dancing. I couldn’t look away. I blacked out and woke up in a fetal position.

[text] MY FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE WILL BE DONE RIGHT, DAMMIT. IT WILL BE DRUNK AND MEANINGFUL.

[text] I remember my bellybutton getting licked, your toe getting sucked and your ex-boyfriend doing better at deep-throating a banana than both of the gay guys in our class. What happens in the back of the bus stays in the back of the bus.

[text] I just caught two people fucking in a bathroom stall. At my church. While there was a sex addicts support group going on. Maybe I’m wrong, but this seems a little counterproductive.

[text] She climbed on top of me and made out with me and then yelled at me when I got a hard-on. Bitch, nachos turn me on.

[text] If she was stupid enough to believe that you’re a student at Harvard, she deserves what she gets if she dates you.

[text] She told me she’d flash me if I tried to be happy. I thought she was joking so I laughed. Best mistake of my life.

[text] Don’t worry, if we end up getting chased by a murderer, we’ll just split up. Whoever he runs after, sucks for them. That means you’ve got like, at least a 50% chance of survival if you come camping.

[text] She called me a fuck twit today. I’m counting it as progress.

[text] The Trojan Horse shoved itself through the city wall, broke open, released a ton of little guys into the city and ruined everyone’s day. Explain to me how Trojan seemed like a good name for a condom brand.

[text] If you listened to the voicemail you got from me about how much I love [insert name here] … I totally didn’t mean you. I definitely meant this other person I know.

[alinarps]

social media meme ;;

send me a ★ for a facebook status from my muse to yours

send me a ☂ for three tweets from my muse directed at your muse

send me a ▲ for an instagram picture from my muse about your muse

send me a ✿ for a snapchat from my muse to yours

send me a ☯ for a youtube video or vine about your muse from my muse

send me a ☏ for one voicemail left by my muse on your muse’s phone

send me a ✉ for three texts from my muse to yours

[angelface1991]

🌹 luxury asks. 🌹

[maddisvn]

bubble bath: do you have any routines before bedtime? like skin care, etc. what are they?

champagne: what topic could you talk about for hours?

crushed velvet: have you ever used your charm to get something you want?

diamonds: how do you feel about excessively spending money?

faux fur: describe your wardrobe.

glitter: describe someone special to you.

gold: describe what you would call the most perfect meal.

jazz: name a song that resonates with you and your emotions. explain the reason why.

lace: what is something in your life completely different from last year?

lingerie: do you consider yourself a promiscuous person?

lipstick: do you enjoy talking to strangers?

pearls: what’s something about your personality that surprises others?

penthouse: what would you consider your dream home? describe it.

perfume: if you could make your own signature fragrance, what would it smell like?

robe: how do you prepare for an evening alone with a loved one/date?

roses: If it had to be winter, autumn, spring or summer for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

satin: what is your most favorite article of clothing?

sheet mask: what’s your favorite lazy activity?

silk: do you have more inner or outer beauty?

silver: do you have any obscure hobbies? what are they?

sparkling water: what are your top three songs for the summer?

wine: what kind of drunk are you (happy/affectionate, angry, sad, fun/wild)? if you don’t drink, what kind do you think you WOULD be?

[dearwinifred-blog]

ｉｍｅｓｓａｇｅ→ kylie

kylie: WOW

kylie: u went there

kylie: im proud

winifred: i'm just the world's softest human person

winifred: according some comments on fez's youtube videos, anyway

winifred: but hey, loosening up doesn't seem like a bad idea, i guess. maybe. it's not bad in theory, anyway. i'm just a big coward and am too afraid to do things

winifred: p l e a s e make me do things

[dearwinifred-blog]

fysebastian.

“i’m fine,” sebastian assures her, sighing softly. this night is turning into nothing short of a disaster. “i never liked this shirt that much anyways,” he adds on. it never fit him quite right but it cost him and arm and a leg so he felt obligated to wear it. now he supposes he has an excuse to get rid of it. “thank you for being so understanding. let me take care of the dry-cleaning bill, at least? maybe they can get the stain out,” he suggests, optimistically. it wouldn’t be his first time spilling a glass of wine and in his experience it’s not always a lost cause. although he does wish it would have been white and not red on this particular occasion. “if not, i’ll replace it. assuming it’s able to be replaced,” he offers, tentatively. knowing his luck, it will be a family heirloom or something. she sure is taking this well, which is a relief given the large group of people they’re surrounded by. if she had made a scene it would have been at least a little justified, but he’s glad she didn’t.

“at least it’s not a big loss, then?” winnie said hopefully, though it sounded like more than a question than anything else. she admittedly felt a little better, considering he didn’t like it. she still felt guilty, of course, but less so -- looking down at her own stain, deep and cold against her skin, she shrugged. “it wasn’t anything particularly impressive, you’re fine, please don’t worry too much.” winnie was just quietly pleased to have an excuse to leave the event -- or at least, dip out briefly -- because whilst this was nice, she was ready to go. reaching out to touch his arm comfortingly, winnie raised her eyebrows. “don’t stress too much. if you really want to pay for a dry cleaning bill, you can, but it’s not necessary. this dress is awfully uncomfortable. you’ve done me a favour.”

[dearwinifred-blog]

alinakcv‌.

“you’re hot, win. own it.”, she insisted. “trust me, i’m not one to lie just to spare someone’s feelings.”, she reassured the redhead in front of her. “also, if anyone ever tries to tell you to refuse to wear green just because your hair is red, fight them. because green would look great on you. especially with your complexion.”, she added on with a small shrug. “why don’t we just go somewhere small and local just in case you really stick to the one drink thing. okay?”, she suggested. “would you prefer bar 54 or bar sixtyfive?”, she questioned brushing her hair back over her shoulders.

“i... thanks. that’s, uh, that’s very kind of you to say.” the girl opposite was far too sweet, in winnie’s opinion, but she appreciated the compliment even if she couldn’t accept it entirely. pushing back her hair off her face, following alina’s instruction, winnie shrugged. she didn’t go out much, so she wasn’t sure what the best place was to go. she didn’t mind so much, either, considering the fact that going out drinking or whatever was not a particular skill she had. “whatever your favourite is, honestly. somewhere cool.”

[dearwinifred-blog]

fezcoz‌.

it’s nearly impossible to ask fez to hold back any bout of laughter ever. he was a naturally exuberant person on and off-camera, so it was often that you’d catch him giggling or smiling at something ridiculous. and her faux threat to kill him was yet another thing that had him erupting in laughter, tossing his head back a bit, “do it ! do you know how many views that’d get ? and then you can make a youtube channel and have a series of hauntings in your house since i most definitely will come back to bug you from beyond the grave.” he jokes, moving to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her into him, “gosh, win, i need you to trust me more.” he sighed out dramatically, already striding in the direction of his surprise.

winnie stared up at him, grin blooming across her face. his videos often had comments that something along the lines of oh, the way she looks at him is so sweet!, and sure, it had started off as a suggestion from him. now, though, the redhead wasn’t sure where the line was. it had blurred considerably as this charade went on. “you’d haunt me?” she asked, pretending to be touched. “aw, aren’t you sweet?” she laughed, before following him off towards whatever his surprise was. ignoring the bubbling in her stomach, winnie leaned against him. “i’m preparing myself to take off into a sprint in the opposite direction, i’m not going to lie.”

[dearwinifred-blog]

ｉｍｅｓｓａｇｅ→ kylie

kylie: very necessary

kylie: if u ask me I’m surprised too

winifred: t h a n k s

winifred: how do i loosen up, then? i'm too busy carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, send help

[dearwinifred-blog]

ｉｍｅｓｓａｇｅ → fezco

fez: woah, woah, woah. no need to curse

fez: you don't want to be my girlfriend for free :(? can i buy you a tesla and call it payment

fez: you're a person too, win. just because she watches you on my channel doesn't make you any less than. you deserve your space and privacy too

fez: see, i never understood that. if they love me so much, don't they want me to be happy?

fez: at least we're not really dating, huh? that'd be a mess

winifred: nooo it's fine i'll live without. i offered, after all :')

winifred: i know but i just feel bad ignoring people. like i know it's an anxiety thing, but they might think i'm awful and rude, and then that makes it worse. you know?

winifred: yeah... i guess it would. though it would be more worth it if we were dating.

[dearwinifred-blog]

ｉｍｅｓｓａｇｅ→ kylie

kylie: thats tru, you are a baby but you're a sweet bby

kylie: i mean like ... loosen up to be a bad bitch !

winifred: oh! well. yes, i suppose that kind of loosening up is necessary, isn't it?

winifred: i don't know how i've survived until now, honestly, but here we are

[dearwinifred-blog]

alinakcv‌.

“eh, there we go. i knew i could get a smile out of you somehow.”, she replied with a small laugh. “oh yeah, of course. you look hot. you could literally wear a plastic bag and still look hot enough to go out, winnie.”, she replied honestly. “honest. just pull your hair back out of your face a little bit and let your pretty little eyes show and we’re good to go.”, she continued on with a nod.

blushing brightly, winnie waved her hand dismissively. “no. i mean -- thank you! but no. no, i... i’m not-- thank you. i, uh. no.” she stuttered horribly. she wasn’t great with accepting compliments, and although it was lovely of alina to say, she didn’t exactly believe her. running a hand over her skirt and nodding, winnie moved away from the subject as best she could. “alright. where should we go? you’d know better places than i would.”