invisible string
jack abbot x f reader
summary - your break up with jack causes more than just emotional scars
warning - medical inaccurancies, angsty af, medical trauma, mention of suicide, takotsubo syndrome, panic attacks
an- im so sorry this has taken so long to write and upload, its been a bit of a crazy few weeks for me. i'm thinking about doing a lil epilogue about these two but thank you for reading x
part one
part two
part three
masterlist
Jack could feel the pain radiating through your body towards his.
“Dr Abbot, let her go.” John’s voice finally enters his ears. He looks up and notices a number of his colleagues standing over him, hands all reaching towards the pair. He looks down at your unconscious face, weakly smiling as the tears fell down his cheek onto yours. His arms are tight around you, preventing people from taking you from him.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” he presses a light kiss to your forehead before his grip loosens. Michael and John immediately swoop in, lifting you up onto the awaiting gurney before pushing it off across the floor.
Nazely is now stood beside his kneeling body, palm placed softly against his shoulder.
“Dr Abbot?” her open question makes him peer up again. Her expression was warm, a gentle smile across her mouth. She extends out her hand, waiting patiently for him to accept it. He does eventually, using his other free hand to press against the floor. His knees cracked as he stood, prosthetic sending an aching pain through his leg. He shook his pant legs down back to his ankles where they had risen up slightly before beginning the trek down to where you had been taken. The first year resident remained by his side as they progressed further towards their destination, arms held out in anticipation of her boss potentially stumbling over.
The shouting had began instantly. He could hear his fellow attendings yelling instructions and vitals to everyone else crowding around you. He caught a blur of army green scrubs rushing past him, heading straight for the same place.
“We need to get her stable.” he heard her command. “There’s a heart on it’s way here from New York for her.” Jack’s boots tripped on the air as the words left the cardiologist’s mouth, hands reaching out towards the whitewashed walls to stabilise himself. Nazely immediately placed her palms against Jack’s back.
He could feel it in an instant. The silence. In the usually loud and hectic ED, he could hear none of it. Not the machines registering your heart rate or the medical professionals all rushing to bring you back. His vision tunnelled. His breathing became erratic. He’d been around trauma enough to recognise the signs.
He kept trying to tell himself that it was going to be ok. That his body was reacting in a completely valid way considering the situation. But that didn’t stop the panic rising up into his throat at the sight of you, lifeless on the gurney. Wires and tubes coming out of your body.
“Jack.” he could vaguely make out Lena’s figure in front of him. He could feel a pressure now clenching tight against his biceps. “You need to breathe, Jack.” He read her lips, trying to nod in agreement, willing his body to comply.
The redhead had been stood at the other side of the trauma rooms at the main hub, watching the incident unfold. Her line of sight had moved past the scene straight through the other set of doors, right at Jack Abbot.
They’d worked together on the night shift for over a decade. She’d like to think she knew her colleague reasonably well. So when she noticed the way his eyes were glazing over and his breathing had deepened, she had to do something. She’d reached him within seconds, already extending her arms out to ground him.
After nearly a full two minutes of his hyperventilating, she noticed his chest finally taking deeper inhales. She let out a heavy breath of her one, one she didn’t even realise she was holding in.
“She’s-“ Jack struggled to get his words out, mouth dry from his panic attack.
“She’s going to be heading up to surgery for the transplant as soon as she’s stable. Dr Paulson is going to be there with Dr Barrett, who will be leading.” He nodded in agreement with her words. His vision, now returned reasonably back to normal, fell over the trauma room. There was a calming atmosphere now flooding the space. The beeping from the monitors had evened out, there was less shouting and he noticed the amount of people surrounding you had reduced.
“Dr Abbot,” he noticed the cardiology stepping out towards him. “She’s going up now if you want to see her.” He looks back at her with a shocked expression. Jack was surprised he would even be allowed in the room with you, let alone being given the chance to actually speak to you. He truly believe he didn’t have the right anymore. However, he was not going to waste the opportunity given to him.
Regina steps aside to allow him entry, his gaze now on you fully. Your colouring had somewhat returned back to a healthier tinge than it had been and he could hear your heart rate getting as steady as it could be with every beat.
“Hey sweetheart,” his hand rested gently on your forehead, pushing a few strands of hair that had become slick with sweat away from the oxygen mask covering your face. He notices your eyelids flicker briefly before opening just a sliver. You let out a shaky breath, fingers moving across the sheets to reach any part of him. The crinkle of the fabric forces him to look down, using his free hand to grab yours. “I’m here.” A soft moan leaves your lips.
Jack feels the stares against his back from his colleagues, who are either stood at the edge of the room or looking in through the glass doors from various parts of the main hub. He couldn’t care about them. All he could focus on was your eyes lingering on him.
“They’re going to be taking you up soon.” His palm pressed against your now rosy, warm cheek. “I don’t really know what to say to you. I feel like nothing I say will ever be enough. I assume you found out about what I was going to do and that’s why you were here. You’re very determined when you put your mind to something. I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you. I thought it was the only way to fix what I’d done.” he felt your fingers tighten ever so slightly. “I will never forgive myself for what I did to you.”
“Jack-“ you mumbled against the clear plastic.
“It’s time to go.” Michael’s voice cut through yours, already reaching for the side rails, his voice stern. He catches the way his friends lip begins trembling.
“I love you, sweetheart.” Jack presses a kiss on your forehead, shuddering as he feels the way your face moves up slightly towards his touch. He allows himself to take a step back, watching as his colleagues start wheeling the bed through the open door. “You’ve always had my heart. Always and forever.”
“Jack?” Dana called out across the silent house. She’d been collecting some more personal belongings of yours into the lilac suitcase, grabbing anything she think you’d need for the continuous stay at PTMC. You’d been in the transplant surgery for nearly two hours, with many still expected.
The case had been packed for the last few minutes, zipped and placed by the front door.
Jack had been upstairs, having immediately headed up when they’d first got there. Nobody knew the reason why he had elected to accompany the charge nurse on her quest. Now 20 minutes later, she hadn’t heard anything from him since.
She took the steps two at a time before heading down the softly lit landing towards the main bedroom at the end of the hall.
“Hey, we ready or what?” she catches his frame sat in the middle of the illuminated walk in closet, with his back facing her.
He remembered when he’d first shown you the addition. You’d told him when you first started dating that it had always been your dream to have one when you eventually had your own place. A big one like Mia’s in the second Princess Diaries movie. When you’d both made the decision to move in together and found the perfect place, he’d secretly got planning permission and paid extra to have it done before you’d began bringing your possessions into the new home. You’d nearly cried when he’d shown you. When he questioned your tears, you’d mumbled about finally having a partner who saw every part of you and who wanted to celebrate them.
Now he was sat surrounded by all your clothes and shoes he remembered helping you put away. You’d both drunk far too much wine that night and ended up having to redo it over the next few days.
“Jack?” he doesn’t respond to her, just keeps his attention on the small item he was clutching in his hands.
“This was still exactly where I hid it when we moved in here. Right inside the hiking boots I’d got her, thinking she’d ever use them.” Dana could hear the shakiness in his voice. She moved around the cream carpet to place herself in front of him, crouching down on her knees. She finally was able to identify the red leather box sat in his palms. “I got this about six months in. Knew I was going to do it at some point so wanted to be prepared. Every time I wanted to, I chickened out. Thinking it was the wrong time, it needed to be more special.”
“You know she wouldn’t have cared. She would have been happy regardless.” She watches as he opens the box, revealing an golden ring, set with a solitaire design. Right in the middle, a larger oval diamond. Jack had seen it on your pinterest one night as you were both laying in bed, his eyes gazed subtly as he watched your fingers hesitate over the image. You quickly pinned it to a board with the heart eyes emoji as a title, before swiping off the app completely.
“Still, I was a coward. Now, I won’t get the chance to give it to her.”
“You don’t know that, Abbot. The world works in complicated ways.”
“I broke her heart, Dana. Both figuratively and literally. How can she ever forgive me for that?” the box falls from Jack’s hands onto the plush flooring.
“You earn it back. She’s having the transplant and she’s going to be ok. You can’t undo what you’ve done but you can try to learn from it.” Her arm weaves across his shoulders, pressing gently into his bicep. “Now if I know this girl, and I feel like the many, many years I’ve worked along side her mean anything, I know that she will forgive you. It may take time, and a hell of a lot of grovelling but she will.”
“You think?” Jack reaches up to rub away the tears that had began falling down his cheeks. “Lord knows I don’t deserve her forgiveness. But I’m going to work my hardest to earn it back. Even if she doesn’t want to be my wife. I’ll settle for just having her in my life.”
“Look at you.” Dana gave one of her signature smirks. “Talking in rhymes, you’re getting back to your old self already.”
Jack takes in her expression, returning a small smile. He lets out a deep breath, before pocketing the ring box in his grey slacks.
When the day shift pittlings turned up, they were greeted by the news from John that you were in recovery. They had all let out a quiet blessing in their own ways, before heading towards the lockers. When they returned back to the central desks for handovers, they noticed a collection of greeting cards littering the side. Some cheesy saying on the front with a obscene amount of positive messages written inside, covering both sides. All well wishes for you.
Mel quickly grabs the closest pen before scribbling something in one of the last available spaces.
“Right, everyone.” Michael’s voice cuts across the hub, gaining everyones attention. “Now, I’m going to address this once so everyone can concentrate on helping the mass amount of people out in chairs. The surgery and transplant were successful. There were no complications. She’ll be up for visitors when she’s awake but once she’s a bit stronger. All of you know that she will be on very powerful immunosuppressants to prevent the heart from rejecting. If you have even the slightest cough or you feel even slightly rundown, you will not be seeing her until you are feeling better. Even if you are feeling fine and are going upstairs, you will still wear a mask and sanitise as much as you can. If you have also dealt with an infectious patient, wear a gown or if you have them, change clothes. We all want her back to her usual self as soon as possible so please take these precautions to ensure her recovery is as smooth.”
A murmur of agreements fell over the crowd now gathered around the chief.
“I will try and update you all when I can but please try and put all your energy into help keeping this ED running. Let’s go!” he threw his arms up in enthusiasm.
“Do you think Abbot knows?” Trinity asked, line of sight already leering towards the illuminated patient board.
“Of course he does. He’s probably still up on the surgical floor waiting room.” Dennis answered. “He’s usually there if he’s not on shift.”
“At least he’s attempting to fix what he’s done.”
“Yes, he is.” They hear Dana scold beside them makes them all jump in surprise. “Now get to work.” They all scramble away, all turning off in different directions. The nurse lets out a chuckle, content with the power she still holds, before returning to her work.
Jack stands awkwardly at the ICU room door, contemplating his next move. Whether he should cross the threshold. The blue mask sat comfortably on his face, hands already washed and sanitised extensively before he even thought about approaching. You’d been brought down from recovery nearly an hour ago. He’d hesitated to approach when he saw you being wheeled past him as he paced the waiting room.
“I think she’s going to be ok, Abbot.” Emery Walsh knocks him out of the deep place he’d sunk into. She’s takes off her matching purple scrub cab, scrunching it into her palm. “We all worked hard to get her that heart. Don’t go breaking it again, ok?” She gives him a gentle pat on the shoulder before stalking off back towards the elevator.
He knows she meant it in jest, however the comment hits straight into his chest. He’d finally gained a sense of confidence in himself to actually talk to you properly to express his feelings. Emery’s words had sent him tumbling down again.
“Fuck. Pull yourself together, Jack.” he mumbled, finally dragging himself off the uncomfortable chair to the bathroom. He’d washed his hands as good as he could, sanitising one last time for good measure before pulling a face mask from the dispenser on the wall.
He would’t ever get used to the sight of you with an endotracheal tube coming out of your mouth. He knew it was breathing for you, it was one of the things keeping you alive right now. The multiple machines surrounding you all continued to sound out different noises, all indicating that you were ok.
“Hey sweetheart.” His body took him over to your bedside, choosing to stand to look over you. From this angle, he can see the large white gauze placed vertically down the centre of your chest peeking out from the collar of the hospital gown. The chest tube also rests through the hole, disappearing down the other side of the gurney.
“I had a whole thing prepared, what I was going to say to you but bloody Emery put me off. You would have had a go at her if you were there.” He lets out a small laugh, trailing off when you didn’t reply. “I’m sorry that I hurt you so much. It was never my intention and I know now how wrong I went about everything. I should have just spoken to you. I don’t know why I didn’t in the first place. You wouldn’t have been mad. I just got too in my own head about everything. I knew you deserved better than what I was giving you. I just hate the way I did it. I’m trying to learn to forgive myself but that’s going to take a lot of time. I just want you to know that I won’t be angry or upset if you don’t want me in your life anymore. I’ve hurt you in more ways than a person should and I would never hold it against you. I love you more than life itself and if you still want me, I will spend the rest of our time together proving it. Proving how sorry I am.”
“Dude, that is gonna be such a sick scar.” Trinity watches in awe as the cardiology nurse examines your incision. You give her a smile in return, before thanking her as she stalks out the room.
“Trinity, you are here for important reasons. You’re my informant and you’ve currently given me nothing. Come on, I’ve been awake for a week and a half. There has to be have been something happen.”
“You’re all people can talk about right now. This is the most exciting thing that’s happened to any of us in a while.”
“I mean, I am the life and soul of the ED but surely there has got to be other stuff.” She takes a second to think, shuffling her phone around in her hand. After nearly a minute, she yelps.
“Princess hooked up with Nick!” You let out a loud gasp, wincing as the action irritates your sore throat.
“From radiology?” she nods. “She’s been trying to sleep with him for ages! Nice one, girl!”
“I know! I caught her and Perlah talking about it yesterday. It’s honestly great knowing Tagalog because those two know everything.”
“And that’s why I come to you, Trin.”
You both settle into a comfortable silence, both scrolling through random crap on your phones.
“How is he?” you ask, causing her to gaze up slightly. She takes a deep breath, locking her phone and placing it on the table beside her.
“He’s ok. He just comes to work and that’s it. He doesn’t stay longer than his shifts anymore, only comes in if he’s called. I even heard from Dana that he’s quit the SWAT team.”
Your immediate reaction slips from your lips.“What the fuck?”
“I know, right. I take it he hasn’t been to see you?”
“Not on his own. He always just lingers by the door when other people are here and when I try to speak to him privately, someone or something happens and he takes the opportunity to leave.”
“Well, he’s a shithead.” You nod in agreement. “Are you going to forgive him?”
Her question halts your actions, fingers hovering over the keys of your MacBook. You let out a deep sigh, running your hand across your face.
“I still love him. Even though he was doing it all for both our benefits, he still hurt me so much. Like I have to take medication for the rest of my life now and that’s all because of him. I think deep down though, I know I will.”
“You’re going to make him sweat though, yeah?” You give her a unamused look. “Oh come on. You’re not gonna give in immediately, are you? I know for a fact that he will do anything to get you to forgive him. Why not try to get something out of it?”
“Trinity. That’s not nice.”
“He fucking broke your heart! Literally broke it! You have the scars to prove it.” Her hands gestured to your incision.
Her words made you pause. You love Jack and even after everything you still wanted to be with him. But she did have a point. You’d spent the last near 3 months in consistent pain all due to him. You wouldn’t be able to let him off that easy. He had to work his way back into your new heart.
“I’ll think about it. I don’t think I could ever be mean to him like that, Trin. He means too much to me.”
“Who are you going to get to look after you when you get home? I know your parents can’t come.” You give her a guilty look, gaze falling down to the webpage you’d been scrolling. “Oh come on.”
“I don’t have anybody else, Trinity.”
“Honestly, if I was in your position, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me.”
“But you’re not. And you don’t know what he means to me. I haven’t even asked him so he could still say no.”
“You know he won’t.” She stands, shrugging her scrub pants back down her legs where they had risen up. “Is there anybody else you wanna see?” You take a chance to stare out the window, watching as the sun began rising across the skyline.
“See if he’ll finally come see me. His shift should be over soon. Even if you have to trick him and say someone else is still here.” Trinity’s face falls into a smug smirk.
“You literally just said you’d never be mean to him like that. Such a hypocrite.” She jokes, grabbing her hoodie from the back of the chair before heading towards the door.
“Just do it.” You quickly grab a plush pillow, throwing it directly at her.
“Take it easy!” Her hands swiftly chuck it at the end of the bed, laugh echoing through the corridor as she stalks away.
“Jack Abbot. As I live and breathe.” His figure halts in the doorway, eyes trailing over the room. He notices the lack of his colleague instantly. “How nice of you to finally grace me with your presence.”
“Is Ellis here?” His head turns back down towards the hallway.
“No, I made Trinity do anything to get you up here.” He let out a deep sigh, already reaching out to spin on his heel. “Jack, please don’t leave. You at least owe me that.” He stops, realising you were right. It was the least he could do. “It was either this or I come down to the ED again, and we know how that ended.” you let out a nervous laugh, fingers already picking at the IV tape on the back of your hand.
“Please don’t say that.” His gaze falls to the floor. “Don’t make me think about how I continue to ruin your life.”
“Jack, you-“
“Why do you still want to see me?” a mixture of anger and sadness flooded his voice. “When I have done nothing but hurt you consistently for the last 3 months.” He looks up at you, tears already streaming down his cheeks. “You deserve better than this! Than me! This is why I left in the first place. Because I can’t give you what you need. You should-”
“You’re not allowed to be angry,” you mimic him, cutting his words short. You could feel your new heart thumping, causing your breathing to pick up ever so slightly. “I am the only person allowed to be pissed off right now.”
“Then do it! Shout at me. Curse at me. Tell me you never want to see me again!” He takes a step towards your bed, hands reaching up in exaggeration. He expects you to yell back, continue fighting with him like the determined person you were.
However the room fell into silence, bar your now heavier breathing. He takes a moment to fully look at you. Your skin had paled, lip quivering, hands shaking. “Sweetheart.” He continues to your side, already reaching to place you in his grasp. His face quickly leaves your line of sight to look at your vitals.
“I can’t do that, Jack.” you whispered so quietly, he nearly didn’t hear it. “Even after everything.” he turns back to you, placing his palm against your warm cheek. You press your face into his touch further.
“How can you still love me after everything?”
“I-“ The words caught in your throat. “I just do. I have since I first saw you all those years ago, even when I didn’t think you felt the same. It’s like I was bound to you, something was tying us together when we didn’t even realise. My heart doesn’t know how to function without you, Jack.”
“Maybe,” his hand falls down to your chest, resting softly over your left side. “With this new heart, it’s time for a change. For both of you to love someone who will give you everything.”
“I don’t want to. I want you, Jack.” You beg. He pulls back from your body, choosing to continue the conversation in the middle of the room. “Please, don’t do this again. This heart in my body doesn’t know anything but loving you. Please don’t leave me again.” You throw back the soft blankets, swinging your frame around to stand. His arms flinch ever so slightly, ready to catch you if you should fall. He let’s you find your balance, feet slowly padding over the tiled flooring towards him.
You immediately wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him tight against you. He could feel the droplets falling onto his scrubs.
“I let you go too many times. I’m not doing it again.” you mumble into his neck, fingers grasping into the black fabric. His own arms weave around your waist, scrunching the gown up.
“Ok, sweetheart.” his head turns slightly, pressing his lips into your hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
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