TransIdealism Practice

[deborahbutler]

Martin - What is the most common emotion?

[deborahbutler]

The Heart of Practice Having a daily schedule can help you to remember yourself. Things that are routine develop habits, so why not try to develop some good habits, such as journalling. These things are easier to start in the evenings because in the morning we are so full of the day ahead. #thedarkway #practice #selflove #selfcare #mindfulness #enlightenment #study https://www.instagram.com/p/COKzi3IM2ZH/?igshid=1opsi0kixzi0a

[deborahbutler]

Striving for happiness will make you very unhappy. Why would you want to unhappy when trying to be happy? https://youtu.be/c6sHn1LlLac

Striving for happiness will make you very unhappy. Why would you want to unhappy when trying to be happy? https://youtu.be/c6sHn1LlLac

[deborahbutler]

Are You In A Field Or Pressure Cooker

Pressure Cooker Or Field? Would you rather be in a field or in a pressure cooker? How can having space and being constrained help you understand yourself? You only feel the pressure of things that constrain you when they are under pressure. When this happens, they appear to intensify. Without pressure, there is freedom. With freedom, issues that constrain and depress you appear to be less significant. They appear less critical simply because there is more freedom. When you are constrained and in a pressured environment, complex issues become more significant. It happens because there are fewer distractions. And there is a greater concentration of sensations, emotions, and thoughts. Therefore, the pressure cooker pressure supplies an excellent opportunity to observe what is going on in your situation. If you can sit with it, observe it, and ask questions like “why do I feel like this?” “What are my emotions?” “Where are they in my body?” “What thoughts are gathered in my head in my imagination to create this?” This self-questioning is simply a drilling down of questions. Drilling down enables you to observe what lies underneath. What do you see? What is your relationship to this pressure cooker of a circumstance or environment in which you find yourself? The Benefits Of Being In A Pressure Cooker The pressure cooker can become a mirror where we can see the patterns and circumstances where we find ourselves. It generates an obvious reflection of how things are going on with ourselves and our relationships. There is an opportunity to observe what is inside ourselves closely. This observation helps us understand what we need to address. Sometimes the pressure cooker can reflect a shortcoming, an imbalance in life that needs to be corrected. It is just like a thermometer. If the pressure cooker is not full of water, it will not overheat or explode. The same is true for our hearts. If there are no obstructions or conditions that cannot be easily overcome and broken down (such as problems in one’s relationships), you will have peace of mind and heart. When the pressure cooker is full of problems and issues, the heat inside goes up. But as soon as these problems are resolved or dissolved, then the temperature will go back down. So, you see, it is essential to keep your pressure cooker clean and tidy. Then its ability to cook is at its finest. Pressure in Relationships For example: If you are in a relationship with someone who constantly accuses you of not having feelings for them, this can create emotional and mental pressure. This pressure will create a lot of conflicts, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. It may even drive you to want to give up or make you resent the other person. As a result, you may start to feel anger towards the accuser or become bitter about the relationship. You may even find yourself in denial of your own heart, thinking, “I should do this” or “I need to do that.” But if you observe and listen to your feelings, you will know this is not the case. You may find yourself thinking, “the other person has a problem with their relationship with themselves,” or “they are just too concerned about what others think of them.” You might think, “maybe if they were more confident about themselves, they would be able to have a better relationship with others.” You will see that these thoughts and feelings are coming from you and not from the other person. Then you can be aware of how you feel. Because then you know when this relationship is not going anywhere. The issues are inside you because you are the one feeling them. Observe To Understand Once you observe this, there is a clear shift internally. You understand the bitterness you feel towards the other person dissolving. From this understanding there will be a softening of your heart towards them. When this happens and the pressure cooker is clean, you will be able to see the situation differently. It will be easier to find solutions. When you understand this, you can start to have the relationship that you want. If this shift does not happen, then growth is hindered. It can end in a stressful and hopeless situation. The only way for people who are stuck to move forward is to break away from it. Identification In my view, what we need to break away from is identifying with our issues. For example, if I see you in a traffic jam, I might say, “this is unfair.” But if I observe it more closely and let go of my identification with this situation. I then see that the traffic jam is because many other cars are on the road. Perhaps this means that other cars are not driving well, which causes problems for all the drivers. So, the solution is not to get angry with the other cars or feel annoyed about it. The real solution is to fix the problem at the source with understanding. Maybe if everyone learning how to drive correctly and better in a safe manner. Then there will be no cause for a traffic jam. Each driver will be more thoughtful and aware of their driving. If each driver focused on how they were driving. Then they will learn very quickly that driving safely actually helps everyone and prevents accidents. Because everyone will feel safer and more confident, the pressure cooker situation will be gone. So, when I see you in a traffic jam, I am not angry with you or the situation. I know that there is a traffic jam because there are many others who are also driving badly. So, it’s natural for me to get upset and want to teach everyone how to drive better. This is just an example and might be unrealistic. Yet it’s worth remembering that no one understands the whole situation. What Are Fields and How Do I Use Them? Fields offer a different outlook. Having the freedom to explore. To understand through observing yourself and others in the unconstrained space. Offers freshness and new lightness that allows for change within your experience. Fields take practice. Just as going to a gym or learning another skill, it is vital to develop your understanding gradually. The first thing is to start to be aware of your patterns and seek to free yourself from them. Everything becomes amazingly simple in the field when you can see clearly there is no “other” person. It is when we get caught up in our dramas with other people that things become complicated and difficult. The ultimate truth is that we are already awake, as it were. The real power is to open our eyes and wake up from the dream. That alone is our highest nature because it allows us to play freely and without bounds. To exist with fear of retribution or failure. This place of freedom within us allows us to become like children again, and we can let go of the adult pretensions that separate us from our purest, most innocent, and ecstatic nature. Greater Awareness What it means to practice is to cultivate this higher state of awareness in our everyday life. This practice does not mean retiring to a monastery, but it simply means seeking the truth every day. When we wake up in the morning, we should ask ourselves what is indispensable. We can then let go of the rest. Of course, nothing is completely unimportant. Everything we do ultimately plays a role in how we grow as individuals and reach our full potential. However, there will always be some things which can be done later or not at all. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Control Is An Illusion

Control is an illusion. It's the idea that you only have power over your life because of your decisions and subsequent actions. I learned this was wrong after years of struggling with self-control and trying to be a different person. We do this to fit into the world or to achieve something. You can work hard all day, resist temptations, and make all the right choices. But you can still fail miserably if you don't understand this truth about life. Don't be discouraged by this, because I have been there. I have learned how to live a better life by not letting others into my head. The world wants you to believe that everything is out of your control. Your mind and most people's efforts are there to convince you of this. When you don't listen to them, the only thing that matters in life is how much you enjoy it. Control is inappropriate when considering these things. You do not have to win every battle to win the war. You can't always control every situation. Nor can you force someone to love you or change your environment completely. But you can learn how to deal with it if things don't work out how you would like. Drop expectations and embrace possibilities. In time you will find that you can do more than you are doing now. You can only live in the present – forget the past and don't worry about the future. If you act now, then it will lead to other actions in life. You cannot control your next step. And sometimes, when we try too hard, we make things worse. So, observe when these occasions occur but don't overthink beforehand. When you make a change, it's helpful to understand that you will never win every battle. If you did, you would become bored by life and always be looking for another challenge. It's like fighting a war – you are never going to win it. When you fight something, it fights back. Instead of fighting, we can learn to accept that things will change. And we can allow life to move on naturally. There can be absolute joy in observing the outcomes. Going with them rather than fighting every step of the way can be so rewarding. We can influence the future by acting in the present. Being the master of your destiny by following your desire is like going on a walk you have never been on before. It is one where you can see the wonder around you at every step you take. Spinoza said, 'The whole universe is the manifestation of thought.' When you understand this, you realize that your actions and thoughts are the only things you can control. You can adequately control these by being present in every moment of your life. You cannot always control nature, but you can learn to live with it. If you face something that you don't like, then accept it and move on with joy. Learn to say no to things that you don't want to do. You can only do so much, and at some point, you have to say enough is enough. It doesn't make you a bad person or a failure. Instead, it makes you more likable as you are kinder and more thoughtful towards yourself. This way, you can be authentic towards others as well as yourself. If you feel stuck in life, then remember there is always a way out. Ask yourself what it might be? You cannot control anything as everything happens as it does and could never happen in any other way. But if you organize some small area around you or perform some behaviour with no goal other than doing it for yourself. This act can give you the illusion of control. We all like to feel in control. But sometimes we must face the fact that nothing is under our control, and that's OK. You can't stop things from changing; you can only adapt to change as it happens. You don't have to worry because you cannot avoid change. It will happen anyway – so why resist? To achieve peace, observe what you do want. Self-observation is less likely to take you into fear. When you think negatively and are in fear, you focus on what you don't want. That focus on the negative and judging everything negatively is being in the world of inadequacy. Just as a wise person does not make judgments and instead makes observations, we cannot judge. We don't know the context in which someone decides. It's like judging someone for cutting off in traffic. They might be unaware of what is around them at the time because of some internal conflict. If you make efforts to understand yourself, what goes on outside you is less significant. You will be less dependent on judging others for your expectation of their responses. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Master Your Inner Power

Why You Need To Master Power Master your inner power to be in your prime when you leave your body behind, not in a state of fear or apology. Most people develop and gain fear as they go through life. Yet life is a race and the goal is death. This may not be a pleasant truth, but the truth it is. We do not go to our end as a victim when we have run a good race. To run a good race we need to have lived a good life, not being hidden from life by avoiding uncomfortable sensations thoughts and emotions. Only understanding will help you to run a good race. We can only run a good race by encountering obstacles and overcoming them. That’s why life is more suited to the successful. They grasp life and take from it. Those who are not successful can find many reasons for their lack of attainment. It’s always something or somebody else’s fault. Being a victim is an excellent way of avoiding the work required to understand. What is Success? Success, as mentioned here, is not the same for everyone. Some want to be rich, famous, powerful and admired. Others see success in other ways, by being generous, kind, loving and compassionate. Yet it’s all the same thing, ambition. So how do we understand ambition? When ambition diminishes our lives and reduces our power we feel helpless and are overcome by lack of understanding. How do we understand power and as such use it to our own advantage? Even if we believe we want to use it to the advantage of others, it’s still an advantage, and that is primary in this work. Understanding to gain advantage over the sleep and passivity of life, helplessness and depression. Working for personal sovereignty is important, no, it is essential. It is far more comfortable to sit in self-pity and misery than face the truth and become powerful. So, doing this work is majoring in power in order to win the race called life. Power is attained through understanding, not change. Understanding is a one-trick pony, because understanding is the only pony to ride to attain freedom from the burdens that hold you back. Master Inner Power for Peace We are here to become masters of ‘life,’ not of woo woo, spirit or souls, but to master ‘life’ as it is given or lived. What was before and what may be after is of no concern to the human being. In fact, it is an offense to ‘God’ to even go there. We are given life to master it. Which we do through understanding. Understanding is dangerous as it destroys all the false paper castles we have built to sustain us and keep us from the fear of reality. But – what if our goal became to see the truth in all its ugliness and not get devoured by the suffering and the injustice of it all, but to live our ultimate life so that we will be successful in our own undertakings. This work gives you the power to do just that. You want to be a world leader? – you can! Just be aware that through understanding, you will see it for the fake that it is. When you understand pleasure and pain, you will understand what your life needs to be to maximize your pleasure and minimize your pain. Should you change? – No! Because the understanding itself will transform things around you as you become more ‘you’ without self-rejection or self-deception. You will see things exactly as they are, you will understand other people’s motives, your own motives, how and why things are as they are, but most of all, you will gain inner peace. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

How Do We Become Free?

Freedom is an absence of constraints. Given we are almost wholly constrained, how do we become free? Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Hope and Fear - The Imposters of Life

The Impostors of Hope and Fear What Are Hope and Fear? Hope and fear are two sides of the same coin. When you have one, you necessarily have the other. For example, we hope to live for eternity, yet we fear our death. Fear is an illusion. It is the imagination of things that you may hope to happen sometime in the future yet dread the possibility of our unfulfilled hope. One especially true example is within the hope of a relationship. If you always realized your expectations, there would be no divorce. Spinoza says, "hope is an inconstant joy born of the idea of a future or past thing whose outcome we to some extent doubt" (Ethics Part 3, Prop XII). He also says that "fear is an inconstant sadness born of the idea of a future or past thing whose outcome which to some extent doubt." (Ethics Part 3, Prop XIII). You Have No Control There is never hope without fear nor fear without hope. However, all these things depend on our imagination of a future. If we are aware that we experience and only exist in the present, we understand there is no future. Therefore, we understand that there is no reason to hope or fear anything. Nevertheless, I exclude imminent danger here, where there is no planning, and you have to get out of the way of the danger as fast as possible. Yet, that is a threat that is occurring in your immediate experience. It is not a product of your imagination. The art of living is in maximizing your potential in the moment, which means making the most of your power. This understanding does not mean abandoning your plans, yet it does mean abandoning your expected outcomes. Your expected outcomes will only cause you pain because you will never be able to realize them precisely as they are in your imagination. So, you will always be disappointed. Your plans are an illusion that will give you a sense of power and control. Yet, there is no such thing as control of the future. You can no more control the future than the orbit of the earth around the sun or an asteroid about to hit the earth. It is an illusion, and therefore both fear and hope are illusions because they only exist in your imagination. Fear of Failure People don't often do something because of the fear of failure. What stops you when you become frozen in fear? It's usually one part of you bullying the other. Martin Butler calls these the policeman and controller. The beast is the ID, the controller is the Ego, and the policeman is the Super-ego. When you allow the controller to be in charge, you are limiting yourself because nothing ever goes to plan, and you will always fail in achieving your expectation. Your failure may be that your outcome will be less, it may be that the outcome achieves more, or it may be simply that the outcome is different from your expectation. At some stage, these possible scenarios lead to disappointment. Planning comes from the controller but is another illusion, like expectation. We plan at the moment as an act of our imagination, forming the outcomes we desire. Drop future expectations because they're not helpful and are only imagination which leads to sadness. You cannot control what happens in the future - allow yourself to go with the flow with power. Give a Bull A Large Field Fear of failure will prevent you from trying many things, and it will limit you to stay doing things that do not challenge you and are safe. This internal conflict is one part of you bullying another. The policeman (Super Ego) gives the orders of 'shoulds' and 'oughts,' and the controller makes you safe because it plans for the future and judges what actions you need to take to achieve your expectations. Why would you do this to yourself when that future never arises, and you're always in the present. The controller doesn't take chances, but the beast (Id) does. The beast wants to have as broad an experience as possible. Give a bull a large field, and he will be happy. He doesn't try to control his experience. He just goes with it. When this comes to trying (experiencing) different ideas, go with the flow. Start several projects because that's what the beast likes and carry on with the one(s) that work. Discard the projects that don't seem to bear fruit for you regardless of whether the policeman and controller tell you what you 'ought to do because they have planned for a good outcome. This idea is simply in your imagination. You Have The Power to Be Yourself The policeman and controller want you to do it right because they have expectations of you, but it's not just about what you want, but it's also about what you don't want. When rejecting something that feels wrong or uncomfortable, face those feelings head-on rather than pretending that they are not there. Your police force does not like you to change. Your reptilian brain wants to return to comfortable, familiar things, and the controller needs predictability — the two conflict with your beast. The controller wants to plan your life so that the life you get is safe. If you want to try new things, you will have to fight this urge and stand up to all the little voices inside telling you what to do and realize that there is more in life than what they have experienced. Admittedly they have their place and purpose, to keep you safe, but do you want to live your entire life boxed into a safe zone? We have recently experienced safety from deadly diseases, but do you want to live your whole life in fear of death - until you finally die without ever having lived! You are not what you think, feel, or do, but you have a powerful influence on all three. The authentic person is found in your understanding, not in those areas where your imagination and feelings are involved. That is where most of your power lies. Like two sides of the same coin, fear and hope come from your imagination. Being Authentic to Yourself If you can allow yourself to step out of the Ego's control, be the one who wants more, there is always something more. When you understand that the present moment is all that exists, you can lose the past and future. When you do this, you prevent them from limiting your understanding. Otherwise, they will destroy you because they will immobilize you with hope and fear. There is no real power but in who you are, what you stand for, and what you do. You are not what you think, feel, or do, but you have a powerful influence on all three. The authentic person is found in your understanding, not in those areas where your imagination and feelings are involved. That is where most of your power lies. Like two sides of the same coin, fear and hope come from your imagination. If you can allow yourself to step out of the Ego's control, be the one who wants more, there is always something more. When you understand that the present moment is all that exists, you can lose the past and future. When you do this, you prevent them from limiting your understanding. Otherwise, they will destroy you because they will immobilize you with hope and fear. There is no real power but in who you are, what you stand for, and what you do. Have Faith Here, I am not talking about religious fervor but instead having faith in yourself. Faith is not an idea but a commitment to something you cannot see. To act on faith is the greatest challenge of all – you must remain open. Go with the flow and maintain this stance, stay present, and not criticize or condemn yourself for not doing things in a certain way. Life is constantly changing, but you can also stand still and let it happen to move you forward in new ways, places, and situations. This trust is true faith. It is not about religion or dogma; it is about having the freedom to be and have goodwill towards yourself. Faith is your courage to act as though, even when you cannot see your vision come true. It is faith that guides us through all kinds of doubt and discouragement. Faith comes without expectation. The more faith you have, the stronger it becomes. Any doubts you have about your faith will diminish it. Faith is not the choice between letting go and holding onto something or even holding onto nothing at all – none of this makes any sense. Letting Go When you let go of hope and fear and open to faith, it means that you must be able to stand up for what you believe in and accept responsibility for it. To be able to do this, you must know yourself – your beliefs and your ideals. If they are not clear, how can you accept the responsibility that goes with them? It is not easy to face up to the truth of who you are and what you do. You will need much courage, but if you know who you indeed are and exist as this person, your faith will grow stronger. Faith in yourself and your experience as it occurs from moment to moment, without judgment, is a magical thing. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Why Is Deconstruction Important?

Why Is Deconstruction Important? Deconstruction and Co-creation Are A Couple Deconstruction and co-creation are vital to your understanding of life and how you understand the good and bad things that happen to you. Some things are out of your control, such as the weather. Yet plenty of scenarios are dependent on your interaction with other people and the world around you. Understanding how this process happens and how you can shape it leads to you achieving your life goals. Why is co-creation important? Every interaction you have is a co-creation. Your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions are all co-creations. But what does that mean? What is co-creation? A co-creation is when two or more people come together for a common goal, whether to chat about their day or collaborate on an art project. Co-creation can be mutually beneficial, selfish, or a mix of the two. It's about coming together to solve a problem to make things better for everyone involved. Considering this definition and understanding of co-creation, it then becomes clear why it's so important. Co-creation is the only way we can solve problems. Problems can't be solved by yourself as there is always someone else involved. To deny co-creation and deny yourself the other person's perspective in any given problem is to shut out a vast potential source of information and experience. This information could be beneficial to everyone involved. If you refuse to co-create, it is likely because you don't feel like your problems are significant enough for anyone else to be bothered with them. But remember, problems aren't just yours; they affect those around you too, family, friends, co-workers, even strangers on the street. Nature embeds us into our reality, and everything and everybody is co-creating that reality with you. They are not just living their lives; they live a life that is emotionally and mentally affected by your actions too. Am I Alone? You are not alone in your problems. The power of co-creation gives you access to the other person's perspective to make a better decision. Your problems become someone else's hopes, fears, and desires too. Let go of the belief that people don't care and start creating with them. Let them know that you care about something important enough to want to hear their perspective on it. You will be surprised at how much they will help you out as soon as you let them know they can help you. And maybe, just maybe, they have been waiting for you to ask. Get actively involved in developing your co-creations and co-creating with others. And remember to be open to other's perspectives, it is a vast world out there, and no one has all the answers. Each perspective is a piece of the puzzle that helps us put together how we want our reality to look. Let's create a better reality for everyone through understanding our co-creation! Interpretation Our experience of life is how we interpret the things around us, including our online experience. Everything we experience is either processed rationally or emotionally. The way we interpret things influences the decisions we make and the goals we set. To live a life living up to our full potential, we must become better creators of our reality. How you rationalize and explain things is what leads to your interpretations. You base your decisions on your interpretations of why something bad happened or how something good happened. We have very firmly embedded interpretations in our everyday lives. As much as they have a significant effect on how we act and react, most people don't know how they came about them in the first place. They may not even know why they exist at all. People accept their interpretations as truth and live their lives rationalizing everything. Being stuck in the rationalization phase of thinking is very limiting. It doesn't explain why things are. It simply explains why they happen after they happen. This lack of understanding can make it hard to learn from our mistakes or understand our feelings. Therefore, we cannot seek out how we can change or improve them to create a better reality for ourselves. If you experience life emotionally without questioning your interpretations, you are just experiencing life without reason. Living a life without reasoning behind your actions or decisions is living a random existence. As a result, you lack power in your future because you do not understand your actions' possible consequences. Life without reason, especially regarding our imagined interpretations, is a life we are not worthy of because we fail to learn and keep repeating the same broken behaviours. Understanding How Deconstruction and Co-creation Work Together Understanding our interpretations and being aware of irrationality is the first step towards improving them and living a more satisfying life. We can start changing them by understanding how to deconstruct our rationalizations and construct a new reality with a different interpretation. When we take the guesswork out of the situation by seeking clarity from the other people involved, we gain an adequate idea. Until then, our ideas are inadequate as our imagination fills in the blanks. Our imagination cannot know what the other person is thinking without asking, and even then, they may lie. It is better to sit with an adequate idea and not complete the puzzle with the wrong pieces, distorting the picture. Changing your interpretations is possible through meditation and self-reflection. For meditation, sit back for ten minutes a day and observe your thoughts. It only takes ten minutes to notice when you become caught up in your emotional patterns or others' opinions that aren't even fully formed yet. This exercise is an excellent start to understanding. So, to understand more deeply and start with your practice, read this article on The Heart of Practice. https://deborahbutler.eu/the-heart-of-practice/ First, we need to deconstruct our prejudices and learned conditioning that is attached to our interpretations. The way to do this is through observation. Pay attention to everything that goes on around you without attaching a meaning to it or judging it in any way. Why Are Deconstruction and Co-creation Important? Deconstructing your interpretation doesn't necessarily involve trying to change it, just learning more about the thought that you had and why you think the way you do. Take pride in your ability to think but always question if what you're thinking about something is worth bringing up at all. If the thought isn't significant enough, then don't give it any power or attention by interpreting it as authentic or rational in any way. Co-creation is the first step to changing your reality, and if you can't create a different interpretation of things, you will never be able to create a new reality. To co-create, you need to understand that the world around us is not static. Things are constantly changing, whether we notice it or not. And it is your interpretations of these changes that will either lead to a new creation or keep you in old and possibly unhealthy patterns. If you have an explanation for why something is the way it is, chances are it wasn't always the way it was. It changed at some point and got there based on a reason and an interpretation. So, anything could change again for the same reason and with the correct interpretations. How to Deconstruct Deconstruct your own interpretations of what you see by observing everything without judging or giving it a meaning. Learn to trust that learning doesn't require judgments or labelling. Deconstruct and reconstruct new interpretations by coming up with new explanations for things. Follow your logic and ask yourself why specific patterns exist in the first place. Going back to the 'road not travelled' example, why is there a road not travelled? Or how is that rock on the ground shaped like that? Learn to pay attention to patterns and look at things differently. To learn more about this practice's background, look at Martin Butler's blog and YouTube channel. https://martinbutler.eu/ https://www.youtube.com/c/PessimistPhilosophy/featured Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

The Heart of Practice

Why The Heart of Practice? Why is the heart of practice important? Well it all depends on what you want. If you simply want knowledge of the works of the greats like Spinoza and Schopenhauer, then practice is irrelevant. However, if you have a quest for inner freedom then practice is everything. And don’t underestimate the term “inner freedom” because with it comes love and joy. Only a free person can love consciously. In the Heart of Practice, understanding and practice are intimately linked. We only learn, really learn, by doing things, and understanding grows through practice. The other side of the coin is that practice is meaningless without understanding. Only through understanding can we acquire the persistence to carry on with practice when we would rather not. In the words of Gurdjieff, a person can know a great deal but be incapable of doing anything, and on the other hand it is possible for a person to be able to do things but not know what is useful. So, the heart of practice consists of understanding and the ability to do. As such there is a three-step process that is a highly condensed version of methods taken from various traditions, including zen, Gurdjieff and Spinoza. Heart of Practice - Sense The Body Oddly enough it is very common for people to have very little sense of their body, and for some people none at all. Since our attention is naturally drawn to external events and things, the act of moving the attention to our body requires effort and is against nature. All nature requires is that our attention serves the continued existence of the body and procreation – work, shelter, food, a mate, family, acquiring stuff, displays of power, and so on. We need to sense the body because this is where our emotions are held. If we are insensitive to our body, we will be unaware of our emotional state. Extreme emotions make themselves known, but the subtle everyday emotional states and moods slide under the radar unless we become sensitive to bodily states. There is a well-known morning exercise that goes back to Bodhidharma in the fifth century, and probably even before then. Gurdjieff popularized it in the last century, but it is not new. At first this practice may seem difficult, but with persistence we become more able to sense the various parts of the body. This is a prerequisite for self-observation. We can only observe if there is something to observe. Without a good sense of the body it is just too easy to fall into imagination. Observation Why Does Observation matter? Self-observation is primarily an act of placing the attention on the body and assessing how it feels. We can also choose to observe thoughts, but this is less effective, and not least because we lie to ourselves. It is just too easy to pretend that we are all sweetness and light, when in reality we are a boiling pot of resentment. To get to know our real state we need to focus on the body. This will tell us what is real instead of what is imagined. So having established the ability to sense the body we need to start taking snapshots of what is happening on a regular basis – several times a day if possible. So the act of observation goes like this. We sense the body and feel the tensions within it. Emotions are always held as tensions. Right now as I type this I can sense tension around my solar plexus. This is impatience, and the desire to produce this document as quickly as possible. Observation as a tool In Spinoza’s terminology it would be called ambition. In any case it needs to be stressed that recognition of an emotional state does not mean we should try and change it – that comes later. We need to acquire the skill of non-judgmental observation – simply sensing and acknowledging what is going on without any desire to change it. This is much more difficult than it sounds because we have decades of conditioning. Having been told that anger is a bad thing for example, we might be heavily programmed not to see it in the first place, and when seen to try and pretend we are not angry. To observe without intervention is a priceless skill. It allows us to see the truth, and to achieve it we have to gradually drop a great deal of conditioning. Non-judgement or attempts at non-judgement will bring our judgemental inner nature to the surface. Most of us cannot do this kind of thing without outside help. We lie to ourselves and our inner censor means we often cannot see what is actually going on. Various traditions might help here. A quality Gurdjieff group might help, although most Gurdjieff groups have no real knowledge. Western therapeutic methods might also help, and particularly Gestalt. Understanding 'Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.' – Proverbs, The Bible The Heart of Practice is Understanding Understanding is power. At the mundane level, understanding that thunder is not the anger of the Gods diminishes fear and dread. Understanding is the third part of the quest for greater inner freedom. We cannot observe if there is no sense of the body, and we cannot understand unless we have observational data to work with. Simply reading books and listening to commentators might create knowledge, but it does not produce understanding. We need to study how we work and see those dynamics in action if we are to gain understanding. This is where, in my opinion, Spinoza gives most clarity, although various other philosophers and sages have communicated insights too (Buddha, Schopenhauer). If you want to know what you are you need look no further than these great thinkers. We are desire. Desire is everything you know Spinoza states quite explicitly that “the essence of man is desire”, and the root of all desire is the desire to persist in our existence. There is a well-known quote that comes from Zen Buddhism that all our suffering comes from our desire to exist. It is saying the same thing. All your emotions derive from a single root – the desire to continue existing. If anything threatens your existence you will feel diminished in some way resulting in any number of “negative” emotions – fear, anxiety, hatred, envy, derision, despair and so on. Similarly if things are going well you will experience “positive“emotions – joy, excitement, love, hope and so on. In reality all of these emotions are passive – they just happen – you are just a hostage to fortune, hoping for the positive and dreading the negative. What if we could create our own inner source of pleasure and joy – the inner freedom and strength to ride through the storms and the good times with equanimity? This is what we can achieve through understanding. But a word of warning. The only road to heaven passes straight through Hell. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Are You In A Field Or Pressure Cooker

Pressure Cooker Or Field? Would you rather be in a field or in a pressure cooker? How can having space and being constrained help you understand yourself? You only feel the pressure of things that constrain you when they are under pressure. When this happens, they appear to intensify. Without pressure, there is freedom. With freedom, issues that constrain and depress you appear to be less significant. They appear less critical simply because there is more freedom. When you are constrained and in a pressured environment, complex issues become more significant. It happens because there are fewer distractions. And there is a greater concentration of sensations, emotions, and thoughts. Therefore, the pressure cooker pressure supplies an excellent opportunity to observe what is going on in your situation. If you can sit with it, observe it, and ask questions like "why do I feel like this?" "What are my emotions?" "Where are they in my body?" "What thoughts are gathered in my head in my imagination to create this?" This self-questioning is simply a drilling down of questions. Drilling down enables you to observe what lies underneath. What do you see? What is your relationship to this pressure cooker of a circumstance or environment in which you find yourself? The Benefits Of Being In A Pressure Cooker The pressure cooker can become a mirror where we can see the patterns and circumstances where we find ourselves. It generates an obvious reflection of how things are going on with ourselves and our relationships. There is an opportunity to observe what is inside ourselves closely. This observation helps us understand what we need to address. Sometimes the pressure cooker can reflect a shortcoming, an imbalance in life that needs to be corrected. It is just like a thermometer. If the pressure cooker is not full of water, it will not overheat or explode. The same is true for our hearts. If there are no obstructions or conditions that cannot be easily overcome and broken down (such as problems in one's relationships), you will have peace of mind and heart. When the pressure cooker is full of problems and issues, the heat inside goes up. But as soon as these problems are resolved or dissolved, then the temperature will go back down. So, you see, it is essential to keep your pressure cooker clean and tidy. Then its ability to cook is at its finest. Pressure in Relationships For example: If you are in a relationship with someone who constantly accuses you of not having feelings for them, this can create emotional and mental pressure. This pressure will create a lot of conflicts, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. It may even drive you to want to give up or make you resent the other person. As a result, you may start to feel anger towards the accuser or become bitter about the relationship. You may even find yourself in denial of your own heart, thinking, "I should do this" or "I need to do that." But if you observe and listen to your feelings, you will know this is not the case. You may find yourself thinking, "the other person has a problem with their relationship with themselves," or "they are just too concerned about what others think of them." You might think, "maybe if they were more confident about themselves, they would be able to have a better relationship with others." You will see that these thoughts and feelings are coming from you and not from the other person. Then you can be aware of how you feel. Because then you know when this relationship is not going anywhere. The issues are inside you because you are the one feeling them. Observe To Understand Once you observe this, there is a clear shift internally. You understand the bitterness you feel towards the other person dissolving. From this understanding there will be a softening of your heart towards them. When this happens and the pressure cooker is clean, you will be able to see the situation differently. It will be easier to find solutions. When you understand this, you can start to have the relationship that you want. If this shift does not happen, then growth is hindered. It can end in a stressful and hopeless situation. The only way for people who are stuck to move forward is to break away from it. Identification In my view, what we need to break away from is identifying with our issues. For example, if I see you in a traffic jam, I might say, "this is unfair." But if I observe it more closely and let go of my identification with this situation. I then see that the traffic jam is because many other cars are on the road. Perhaps this means that other cars are not driving well, which causes problems for all the drivers. So, the solution is not to get angry with the other cars or feel annoyed about it. The real solution is to fix the problem at the source with understanding. Maybe if everyone learning how to drive correctly and better in a safe manner. Then there will be no cause for a traffic jam. Each driver will be more thoughtful and aware of their driving. If each driver focused on how they were driving. Then they will learn very quickly that driving safely actually helps everyone and prevents accidents. Because everyone will feel safer and more confident, the pressure cooker situation will be gone. So, when I see you in a traffic jam, I am not angry with you or the situation. I know that there is a traffic jam because there are many others who are also driving badly. So, it's natural for me to get upset and want to teach everyone how to drive better. This is just an example and might be unrealistic. Yet it’s worth remembering that no one understands the whole situation. What Are Fields and How Do I Use Them? Fields offer a different outlook. Having the freedom to explore. To understand through observing yourself and others in the unconstrained space. Offers freshness and new lightness that allows for change within your experience. Fields take practice. Just as going to a gym or learning another skill, it is vital to develop your understanding gradually. The first thing is to start to be aware of your patterns and seek to free yourself from them. Everything becomes amazingly simple in the field when you can see clearly there is no "other" person. It is when we get caught up in our dramas with other people that things become complicated and difficult. The ultimate truth is that we are already awake, as it were. The real power is to open our eyes and wake up from the dream. That alone is our highest nature because it allows us to play freely and without bounds. To exist with fear of retribution or failure. This place of freedom within us allows us to become like children again, and we can let go of the adult pretensions that separate us from our purest, most innocent, and ecstatic nature. Greater Awareness What it means to practice is to cultivate this higher state of awareness in our everyday life. This practice does not mean retiring to a monastery, but it simply means seeking the truth every day. When we wake up in the morning, we should ask ourselves what is indispensable. We can then let go of the rest. Of course, nothing is completely unimportant. Everything we do ultimately plays a role in how we grow as individuals and reach our full potential. However, there will always be some things which can be done later or not at all. See Martin Butler’s Blog   More About This Practice Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Are You In A Field Or Pressure Cooker

Are You In A Field Or Pressure Cooker? Would you rather be in a field or in a pressure cooker? How can having space and being constrained help you understand yourself? You only feel the pressure of things that constrain you when they are under pressure. When this happens, they appear to intensify. Without pressure, there is freedom. With freedom, issues that constrain and depress you appear to be less significant. They appear less critical simply because there is more freedom. When you are constrained and in a pressured environment, complex issues become more significant. It happens because there are fewer distractions. And there is a greater concentration of sensations, emotions, and thoughts. Therefore, the pressure cooker pressure supplies an excellent opportunity to observe what is going on in your situation. If you can sit with it, observe it, and ask questions like "why do I feel like this?" "What are my emotions?" "Where are they in my body?" "What thoughts are gathered in my head in my imagination to create this?" This self-questioning is simply a drilling down of questions. Drilling down enables you to observe what lies underneath. What do you see? What is your relationship to this pressure cooker of a circumstance or environment in which you find yourself? The Pressure Cooker The pressure cooker can become a mirror where we can see the patterns and circumstances where we find ourselves. It generates an obvious reflection of how things are going on with ourselves and our relationships. There is an opportunity to observe what is inside ourselves closely. This observation helps us understand what we need to address. Sometimes the pressure cooker can reflect a shortcoming, an imbalance in life that needs to be corrected. It is just like a thermometer. If the pressure cooker is not full of water, it will not overheat or explode. The same is true for our hearts. If there are no obstructions or conditions that cannot be easily overcome and broken down (such as problems in one's relationships), you will have peace of mind and heart. When the pressure cooker is full of problems and issues, the heat inside goes up. But as soon as these problems are resolved or dissolved, then the temperature will go back down. So, you see, it is essential to keep your pressure cooker clean and tidy. Then its ability to cook is at its finest. Pressure in Relationships For example: If you are in a relationship with someone who constantly accuses you of not having feelings for them, this can create emotional and mental pressure. This pressure will create a lot of conflicts, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. It may even drive you to want to give up or make you resent the other person. As a result, you may start to feel anger towards the accuser or become bitter about the relationship. You may even find yourself in denial of your own heart, thinking, "I should do this" or "I need to do that." But if you observe and listen to your feelings, you will know this is not the case. You may find yourself thinking, "the other person has a problem with their relationship with themselves," or "they are just too concerned about what others think of them." You might think, "maybe if they were more confident about themselves, they would be able to have a better relationship with others." You will see that these thoughts and feelings are coming from you and not from the other person. Then you can be aware of how you feel. Because then you know when this relationship is not going anywhere. The issues are inside you because you are the one feeling them. Observe To Understand Once you observe this, there is a clear shift internally. You understand the bitterness you feel towards the other person dissolving. From this understanding there will be a softening of your heart towards them. When this happens and the pressure cooker is clean, you will be able to see the situation differently. It will be easier to find solutions. When you understand this, you can start to have the relationship that you want. If this shift does not happen, then growth is hindered. It can end in a stressful and hopeless situation. The only way for people who are stuck to move forward is to break away from it. Identification In my view, what we need to break away from is identifying with our issues. For example, if I see you in a traffic jam, I might say, "this is unfair." But if I observe it more closely and let go of my identification with this situation. I then see that the traffic jam is because many other cars are on the road. Perhaps this means that other cars are not driving well, which causes problems for all the drivers. So, the solution is not to get angry with the other cars or feel annoyed about it. The real solution is to fix the problem at the source with understanding. Maybe if everyone learning how to drive correctly and better in a safe manner. Then there will be no cause for a traffic jam. Each driver will be more thoughtful and aware of their driving. If each driver focused on how they were driving. Then they will learn very quickly that driving safely actually helps everyone and prevents accidents. Because everyone will feel safer and more confident, the pressure cooker situation will be gone. So, when I see you in a traffic jam, I am not angry with you or the situation. I know that there is a traffic jam because there are many others who are also driving badly. So, it's natural for me to get upset and want to teach everyone how to drive better. This is just an example and might be unrealistic. Yet it’s worth remembering that no one understands the whole situation. What Are Fields and How Do I Use Them? Fields offer a different outlook. Having the freedom to explore. To understand through observing yourself and others in the unconstrained space. Offers freshness and new lightness that allows for change within your experience. Fields take practice. Just as going to a gym or learning another skill, it is vital to develop your understanding gradually. The first thing is to start to be aware of your patterns and seek to free yourself from them. Everything becomes amazingly simple in the field when you can see clearly there is no "other" person. It is when we get caught up in our dramas with other people that things become complicated and difficult. The ultimate truth is that we are already awake, as it were. The real power is to open our eyes and wake up from the dream. That alone is our highest nature because it allows us to play freely and without bounds. To exist with fear of retribution or failure. This place of freedom within us allows us to become like children again, and we can let go of the adult pretensions that separate us from our purest, most innocent, and ecstatic nature. Greater Awareness What it means to practice is to cultivate this higher state of awareness in our everyday life. This practice does not mean retiring to a monastery, but it simply means seeking the truth every day. When we wake up in the morning, we should ask ourselves what is indispensable. We can then let go of the rest. Of course, nothing is completely unimportant. Everything we do ultimately plays a role in how we grow as individuals and reach our full potential. However, there will always be some things which can be done later or not at all. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Are You In A Field Or Pressure Cooker

Fields and Pressure Cookers - which do you prefer? Would you rather be in a field or a pressure cooker? How can having space and being constrained help you understand yourself? You only feel the pressure of things that constrain you when they are under pressure. When this happens, they appear to intensify. Without pressure, there is freedom. With freedom, issues that constrain and depress you appear to be less significant. They appear less critical simply because there is more freedom. When you are constrained and in a pressured environment, complex issues become more significant. It happens because there are fewer distractions. And there is a greater concentration of sensations, emotions, and thoughts. Therefore, the pressure cooker pressure supplies an excellent opportunity to observe what is going on in your situation. If you can sit with it, observe it, and ask questions like "why do I feel like this?" "What are my emotions?" "Where are they in my body?" "What thoughts are gathered in my head in my imagination to create this?" This self-questioning is simply a drilling down of questions. Drilling down enables you to observe what lies underneath. What do you see? What is your relationship to this pressure cooker of a circumstance or environment in which you find yourself? The Pressure Cooker The pressure cooker can become a mirror where we can see the patterns and circumstances where we find ourselves. It generates an obvious reflection of how things are going on with ourselves and our relationships. There is an opportunity to observe what is inside ourselves closely. This observation helps us understand what we need to address. Sometimes the pressure cooker can reflect a shortcoming, an imbalance in life that needs to be corrected. It is just like a thermometer. If the pressure cooker is not full of water, it will not overheat or explode. The same is true for our hearts. If there are no obstructions or conditions that cannot be easily overcome and broken down (such as problems in one's relationships), you will have peace of mind and heart. When the pressure cooker is full of problems and issues, the heat inside goes up. But as soon as these problems are resolved or dissolved, then the temperature will go back down. So, you see, it is essential to keep your pressure cooker clean and tidy. Then its ability to cook is at its finest. Pressure in Relationships For example: If you are in a relationship with someone who constantly accuses you of not having feelings for them, this can create emotional and mental pressure. This pressure will create a lot of conflicts, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. It may even drive you to want to give up or make you resent the other person. As a result, you may start to feel anger towards the accuser or become bitter about the relationship. You may even find yourself in denial of your own heart, thinking, "I should do this" or "I need to do that." But if you observe and listen to your feelings, you will know this is not the case. You may find yourself thinking, "the other person has a problem with their relationship with themselves," or "they are just too concerned about what others think of them." You might think, "maybe if they were more confident about themselves, they would be able to have a better relationship with others." You will see that these thoughts and feelings are coming from you and not from the other person. Then you can be aware of how you feel. Because then you know when this relationship is not going anywhere. The issues are inside you because you are the one feeling them. Observe To Understand Once you observe this, there is a clear shift internally. You understand the bitterness you feel towards the other person dissolving. From this understanding there will be a softening of your heart towards them. When this happens and the pressure cooker is clean, you will be able to see the situation differently. It will be easier to find solutions. When you understand this, you can start to have the relationship that you want. If this shift does not happen, then growth is hindered. It can end in a stressful and hopeless situation. The only way for people who are stuck to move forward is to break away from it. Identification In my view, what we need to break away from is identifying with our issues. For example, if I see you in a traffic jam, I might say, "this is unfair." But if I observe it more closely and let go of my identification with this situation. I then see that the traffic jam is because many other cars are on the road. Perhaps this means that other cars are not driving well, which causes problems for all the drivers. So, the solution is not to get angry with the other cars or feel annoyed about it. The real solution is to fix the problem at the source with understanding. Maybe if everyone learning how to drive correctly and better in a safe manner. Then there will be no cause for a traffic jam. Each driver will be more thoughtful and aware of their driving. If each driver focused on how they were driving. Then they will learn very quickly that driving safely actually helps everyone and prevents accidents. Because everyone will feel safer and more confident, the pressure cooker situation will be gone. So, when I see you in a traffic jam, I am not angry with you or the situation. I know that there is a traffic jam because there are many others who are also driving badly. So, it's natural for me to get upset and want to teach everyone how to drive better. This is just an example and might be unrealistic. Yet it’s worth remembering that no one understands the whole situation. What Are Fields and How Do I Use Them? Fields offer a different outlook. Having the freedom to explore. To understand through observing yourself and others in the unconstrained space. Offers freshness and new lightness that allows for change within your experience. Fields take practice. Just as going to a gym or learning another skill, it is vital to develop your understanding gradually. The first thing is to start to be aware of your patterns and seek to free yourself from them. Everything becomes amazingly simple in the field when you can see clearly there is no "other" person. It is when we get caught up in our dramas with other people that things become complicated and difficult. The ultimate truth is that we are already awake, as it were. The real power is to open our eyes and wake up from the dream. That alone is our highest nature because it allows us to play freely and without bounds. To exist with fear of retribution or failure. This place of freedom within us allows us to become like children again, and we can let go of the adult pretensions that separate us from our purest, most innocent, and ecstatic nature. Greater Awareness What it means to practice is to cultivate this higher state of awareness in our everyday life. This practice does not mean retiring to a monastery, but it simply means seeking the truth every day. When we wake up in the morning, we should ask ourselves what is indispensable. We can then let go of the rest. Of course, nothing is completely unimportant. Everything we do ultimately plays a role in how we grow as individuals and reach our full potential. However, there will always be some things which can be done later or not at all. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Your Emotional Barometer

Your Emotional Barometer Can Help You Your emotional barometer is your body. Every emotion is felt through experience and understand in your body. You need courage to face your emotions head-on. Usually, we don’t understand how or why, but understanding is vital for dealing with the things that hold us back, and the only way to understand our emotions is to face them head-on. When you’re navigating your everyday life, it’s useful to understand that your emotions are literally just a barometer of how well you are surviving. That is all. So if somebody walks in tomorrow with a contract for a movie you’re probably going to be pleased. Your emotions will do somersaults, and you will feel all the excitement and anticipation inside you. Survival Prospects Why? Because your prospects for survival have been enhanced. “Here’s 100 thousand for making this music”, your survival is enhanced, you feel happy. Or if some gorgeous person you fancy comes to you and says, “you’re the most attractive person I’ve ever seen, I want to go to bed with you.”, you’re going to feel pretty good about that because it is, again, about survival and power. For a man, you’re disseminating your seed and are potentially creating more copies of you. That’s what it’s all about, all the time. Similarly, if somebody comes to you and says, “I’m afraid you’ve got terminal cancer,” then you’re gonna be pretty distraught because it’s diminishing your power of survival. That’s all emotions are; they’re just measures of your survival at any particular moment in time. See Reality As It Is Not As You Want It To Be One of the things you have to do is to see reality in little bits. You can then see what this huge machine called ‘you’ is doing while it operates unconsciously through time. More importantly, you can also understand where your possible escape route is because there is an escape route. But it depends on how much you value your freedom and inner peace. Real freedom is freedom from your emotions, from your passions, that is what freedom is. There’s no other kind of freedom. That’s the freedom that we’re all after. So, freedom means not being devastated if things go badly and it’s also the freedom not to get carried away when things go really, really well. It gives you calmness within yourself by understanding the way things actually are in life. The whole thing is about power and freedom; that’s really what the work here is about. The work is your work, it’s not a once a week session and you’re cured. It’s about you understanding your life and the way you live it, so through the understanding and appreciation of what is healthy and unhealthy for you, through this work, you are better able to live an authentic life that is true to you. Are You In Denial? Most people are in denial about how they feel. We don’t want to feel envious, we don’t want to feel shame. Enjoy the shame, revel in it, lay about, and surround yourself with it. It’s important to do that because while you’re trying to deny it, you’re making it stronger. The only way to deal with these things is to let them have full throttle and just suck the energy up consciously. There’s no point in doing it in your head. This emotion exists in your body. When you think it, that’s just mechanical, but to consciously try and grab the whole thing up…. “so I slept with somebody \[else\] last night and I’m just a terrible person. Fuck, I’m such a dreadful person. I’m surprised that anybody has anything to do with me, I’m such a shit” ramps the whole thing up. How Successful are You? One little ditty of “what you resist tends to persist” sounds like bullshit but it isn’t. It’s actually a really, really important point. Whatever you’re resisting in yourself will grow. It’s just the way it works. So whatever emotions you have, indulge them as far as you can. That way you become more familiar with them and you become more comfortable with them. When you have self-harming emotions, when you avoid them, they just come chasing after you. Emotions are just a barometer for understanding how well you are surviving. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Fields and Pressure Cookers

Fields and Pressure Cookers - which do you prefer? Would you rather be in a field or a pressure cooker? How can having space and being constrained help you understand yourself? You only feel the pressure of things that constrain you when they are under pressure. When this happens, they appear to intensify. Without pressure, there is freedom. With freedom, issues that constrain and depress you appear to be less significant. They appear less critical simply because there is more freedom. When you are constrained and in a pressured environment, complex issues become more significant. It happens because there are fewer distractions. And there is a greater concentration of sensations, emotions, and thoughts. Therefore, the pressure cooker pressure provides an excellent opportunity to observe what is going on in your situation. If you can sit with it, observe it, and ask questions like "why do I feel like this?" "What are my emotions?" "Where are they in my body?" "What thoughts are gathered in my head in my imagination to create this?" This self-questioning is simply a drilling down of questions. Drilling down enables you to observe what lies underneath. What do you see? What is your relationship to this pressure cooker of a circumstance or environment in which you find yourself? The Pressure Cooker The pressure cooker can become a mirror where we can see the patterns and circumstances we find ourselves. It generates an obvious reflection of how things are going on with ourselves and our relationships. There is an opportunity to observe what is inside ourselves closely. This observation helps us understand what we need to address. Sometimes the pressure cooker can reflect a shortcoming, an imbalance in life that needs to be corrected. It is just like a thermometer. If the pressure cooker is not full of water, it will not overheat or explode. The same is true for our hearts: if there are no obstructions or conditions that cannot be easily overcome and broken down (such as problems in one's relationships), there will be peace of mind and heart. When the pressure cooker is full of problems and issues, the heat inside goes up. But as soon as these problems are resolved or dissolved, then the temperature will go back down. So, you see, it is essential to keep your pressure cooker clean and tidy. Then its capacity to cook is optimal. Pressure in Relationships For example: If you are in a relationship with someone who constantly accuses you of not having feelings for them, this can create a lot of pressure for you emotionally and mentally. This pressure will create a lot of conflicts, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. It may even drive you to want to give up or make you resent the other person. As a result, you may start to feel anger towards the accuser or become bitter about the relationship. You may even find yourself in denial of your own heart, thinking, "I should do this" or "I need to do that." But if you can observe and listen to your feelings, you will know very clearly that this is not the case. You may find yourself thinking, "the other person has a problem with their relationship with themselves," or "they are just too concerned about what others think of them." You might think, "maybe if they were more confident about themselves, they would be able to have a better relationship with others." You will see that these thoughts and feelings are coming from you and not from the other person. Then you can be aware of your heart and whether it is blocked because then you know that this relationship is not going anywhere. The issues are inside you because you are the one feeling them. Observe To Understand Once you observe this, there is a clear shift internally where you understand the bitterness you feel towards the other person dissolving, and there will be a softening of your heart towards them. When this happens and the pressure cooker is clean, you will be able to look at the whole situation from a different perspective, and it will be easier to find solutions. When you understand this, you can start to have the relationship that you want. If this shift does not happen, then growth is hindered, and you may end up in a harrowing and hopeless situation. The only way for people who are stuck to move forward is to break away from it. Identification In my view, what we need to break away from is identifying with our issues. For example, if I see you in a traffic jam, I might say, "this is unfair." But if I observe it more closely and let go of my identification with this situation, I see that the traffic jam is because there are many other cars on the road. Perhaps this means that other cars are not driving well, which causes problems for all the drivers. So, the solution is not to get angry with the other cars or feel annoyed about it. The real solution is to fix the problem at the source: everyone learning how to drive correctly and better in a safe manner. Then there will be no cause for a traffic jam because each driver will be more thoughtful and aware of his/her driving. If each driver focused on how they were driving, then he/she will learn very quickly that driving safely actually helps everyone and prevents accidents. Because everyone will feel safer and more confident, the pressure cooker situation will be blown away. So when I see you in a traffic jam, I am not angry with you or angry about the situation. I know that there is a traffic jam because there are many others who are also driving badly. So, it's pretty natural for me to get upset and want to teach everyone how to drive better. What Are Fields and How Do I Use Them? Fields offer a pretty different outlook. Having the freedom to explore and understand through observing yourself and others in the space of being unconstrained offers freshness and new lightness that allows space for change to be built into the experience's structure. Fields take practice. Just as when you go to a gym or learn another skill, it is vital to develop your timing, accuracy, and understanding gradually. The first thing one does is start to be aware of their patterns and seek to free themselves from them. If you can still discern the fields' clarity and gain access to space where there is no "other" person, then everything becomes amazingly simple. It is just when we get caught up in our dramas that things become complicated and difficult. The ultimate truth is that we are already awake, as it were. The real power is to open our eyes and wake up from the dream. That alone is our highest nature because it allows us to play freely and without bounds, with no fear of retribution or failure. This place of freedom within us allows us to become like children again, and we can let go of the adult pretensions that separate us from our purest, most innocent, and ecstatic nature. Greater Awareness What it means to practice is to cultivate this higher state of awareness in our everyday life. This practice does not mean retiring to a monastery, but it simply means seeking the truth every day. When we wake up in the morning, we should ask ourselves what is enormously indispensable and let go of the rest. Of course, nothing is unimportant. Everything we do ultimately plays a role in how we grow as individuals and reach our full potential. However, there will always be some things which can be done later or not at all. Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Control Is An Illusion

The Illusion Of Control Control is an illusion. It's the idea that you only have power over your life because of your decisions and subsequent actions. I learned this was wrong after years of struggling with self-control and trying to be a different person. We do this to fit into the world or to achieve something. You can work hard all day, resist temptations, and make all the right choices. But you can still fail miserably if you don't understand this truth about life. Don't be discouraged by this, because I have been there. I have learned how to live a better life by not letting others into my head. The world wants you to believe that everything is out of your control. Your mind and most people's efforts are there to convince you of this. When you don't listen to them, the only thing that matters in life is how much you enjoy it. Control is inappropriate when considering these things. You do not have to win every battle to win the war. You can't always control every situation. Nor can you force someone to love you or change your environment completely. But you can learn how to deal with it if things don't work out how you would like. Drop expectations and embrace possibilities. In time you will find that you can do more than you are doing now. Live In The Present You can only live in the present – forget the past and don't worry about the future. If you act now, then it will lead to other actions in life. You cannot control your next step. And sometimes, when we try too hard, we make things worse. So, observe when these occasions occur but don't overthink beforehand. When you make a change, it's helpful to understand that you will never win every battle. If you did, you would become bored by life and always be looking for another challenge. It's like fighting a war – you are never going to win it. When you fight something, it fights back. Instead of fighting, we can learn to accept that things will change. And we can allow life to move on naturally. There can be absolute joy in observing the outcomes. Going with them rather than fighting every step of the way can be so rewarding. We can influence the future by acting in the present. Being the master of your destiny by following your desire is like going on a walk you have never been on before. It is one where you can see the wonder around you at every step you take. Spinoza said, 'The whole universe is the manifestation of thought.' Understanding is Everything When you understand that control is an illusion, you realize that your actions and thoughts are the only things you can control. You can adequately control these by being present in every moment of your life. You cannot always control nature, but you can learn to live with it. If you face something that you don't like, then accept it and move on with joy. Learn to say no to things that you don't want to do. You can only do so much, and at some point, you have to say enough is enough. It doesn't make you a bad person or a failure. Instead, it makes you more likable as you are kinder and more thoughtful towards yourself. This way, you can be authentic towards others as well as yourself. If you feel stuck in life, then remember there is always a way out. Ask yourself what it might be? Letting Go Of Control You cannot control anything as everything happens as it does and could never happen in any other way. But if you organize some small area around you or perform some behavior with no goal other than doing it for yourself. This act can give you the illusion of control. We all like to feel in control. But sometimes we must face the fact that nothing is under our control, and that's OK. You can't stop things from changing; you can only adapt to change as it happens. You don't have to worry because you cannot avoid change. It will happen anyway – so why resist? To achieve peace, observe what you do want. Self-observation is less likely to take you into fear. When you think negatively and are in fear, you focus on what you don't want. That focus on the negative and judging everything negatively is being in the world of inadequacy. Just as a wise person does not make judgments and instead makes observations, we cannot judge. We don't know the context in which someone decides. It's like judging someone for cutting off in traffic. They might be unaware of what is around them at the time because of some internal conflict. If you make efforts to understand yourself, what goes on outside you is less significant. You will be less dependent on judging others for your expectation of their responses. See Martin Butler’s Blog   More About This Practice Read the full article

[deborahbutler]

Control Is An Illusion

The Illusion Of Control Control is an illusion. It's the idea that you only have power over your life because of your decisions and subsequent actions. I learned this was wrong after years of struggling with self-control and trying to be a different person. We do this to fit into the world or to achieve something. You can work hard all day, resist temptations, and make all the right choices. But you can still fail miserably if you don't understand this truth about life. Don't be discouraged by this, because I have been there. I have learned how to live a better life by not letting others into my head. The world wants you to believe that everything is out of your control. Your mind and most people's efforts are there to convince you of this. When you don't listen to them, the only thing that matters in life is how much you enjoy it. Control is inappropriate when considering these things. You do not have to win every battle to win the war. You can't always control every situation. Nor can you force someone to love you or change your environment completely. But you can learn how to deal with it if things don't work out how you would like. Drop expectations and embrace possibilities. In time you will find that you can do more than you are doing now. Live In The Present You can only live in the present – forget the past and don't worry about the future. If you act now, then it will lead to other actions in life. You cannot control your next step. And sometimes, when we try too hard, we make things worse. So, observe when these occasions occur but don't overthink beforehand. When you make a change, it's helpful to understand that you will never win every battle. If you did, you would become bored by life and always be looking for another challenge. It's like fighting a war – you are never going to win it. When you fight something, it fights back. Instead of fighting, we can learn to accept that things will change. And we can allow life to move on naturally. There can be absolute joy in observing the outcomes. Going with them rather than fighting every step of the way can be so rewarding. We can influence the future by acting in the present. Being the master of your destiny by following your desire is like going on a walk you have never been on before. It is one where you can see the wonder around you at every step you take. Spinoza said, 'The whole universe is the manifestation of thought.' Understanding is Everything When you understand that control is an illusion, you realize that your actions and thoughts are the only things you can control. You can adequately control these by being present in every moment of your life. You cannot always control nature, but you can learn to live with it. If you face something that you don't like, then accept it and move on with joy. Learn to say no to things that you don't want to do. You can only do so much, and at some point, you have to say enough is enough. It doesn't make you a bad person or a failure. Instead, it makes you more likable as you are kinder and more thoughtful towards yourself. This way, you can be authentic towards others as well as yourself. If you feel stuck in life, then remember there is always a way out. Ask yourself what it might be? Letting Go Of Control You cannot control anything as everything happens as it does and could never happen in any other way. But if you organize some small area around you or perform some behavior with no goal other than doing it for yourself. This act can give you the illusion of control. We all like to feel in control. But sometimes we must face the fact that nothing is under our control, and that's OK. You can't stop things from changing; you can only adapt to change as it happens. You don't have to worry because you cannot avoid change. It will happen anyway – so why resist? To achieve peace, observe what you do want. Self-observation is less likely to take you into fear. When you think negatively and are in fear, you focus on what you don't want. That focus on the negative and judging everything negatively is being in the world of inadequacy. Just as a wise person does not make judgments and instead makes observations, we cannot judge. We don't know the context in which someone decides. It's like judging someone for cutting off in traffic. They might be unaware of what is around them at the time because of some internal conflict. If you make efforts to understand yourself, what goes on outside you is less significant. You will be less dependent on judging others for your expectation of their responses. See Martin Butler’s Blog   More About This Practice Read the full article