I've been wanting to clean my blog for a while now, but there are WAAAY too many posts in here, I don't even know where to begin-
I've decided to keep this blog up as an online archive only.
For new posts, please check out my new blog: @deenew-ed
POV: you're my friend and you just yawned (it's late at night and you're probably really tired, but I still wanna spend time with you so I need to wake you up)
Shout-out to my parents for keeping me alive this long, they're pretty awesome
My twin years (get it, because I just turned 21 and- and I was born on the 21st ... I think that's pretty cool). I don't know if there's a proper term for an event like this, maybe there is, there should be if you ask me
Birthday art means I get to draw myself going insane but in a suit. Which doesn't even resemble a suit, but that's not important unless you're some "internet art critique" prick that doesn't know what fun is
"As I come back to my town, I can finally see its beauty. The water has never looked more clean, and the stars have never been so many. I am a different person. And finally, I get it all."
Well this has been another year. Get ready for some LONG artistic rambling because this is my space on the net babyy
I'm not usually one to say "New Year, New Me", but I must admit this year it really was that case for me. Been a year of big maturation, good influences at last, the brain must have developed more, as there were some cerTAin things happening that sped up the process- Buuut it was an inevitable process regardless, not complaining, I am happy, and I will always find beauty in that little missing hole.
Got to make my dream of going missing come true! Well, not exactly, but partially yes. It's crazy how much I fantisized about that a year ago, just genuinely wanting to leave it all behind to have a fresh new start somewhere, anywhere, as anything anyone, literally a nothing, an empty flask that never got the right water in it. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to add sugar, those people can barely distinguish it from salt, you gotta make them read the ingredients list and they complain when it's just "salt" and "sugar", what did you expect, a deeper secret flavor? It's not that complicated, wake up. And quit making it my problem for goodness sake-
Anyhow, artistically speaking this was not a year for the stage, but just like Grotowski would have said It's not about the show, it's about the reharsal. There was definetely a lot of work behind the scenes, a lot of realizations, and a lot of new goals and roads. And there is no coming back from this.
Get ready for a magnificent disaster on your eyes because this year I have only been given reasons to embrace that grotesque. Finally, an environment that gets it. Lord how long have I been waiting to be taught comedy. I hated the times our teachers went "We don't have time, let's just skip the comedians" to focus on the tragedy. Comedy is done dirty so easily and I will never forgive people that think that way. But finally, FINALLY, I'm somewhere where people get it. And I couldn't be happier. My melancholy is SICK of those fake judges pointing in the wrong direction.
Due to the certain things, I decided to start using art in its more expressive way. "Just make something, it will work out" I say. Then I see it and realize things all over again.. And a thought of years returns and makes me wish I could be more conventional.. It would be so easy to make, just for ONCE, something pretty.. just for once, to make that landscape.. just for once, to be like most.. But then I stop. And I realize "If I don't make fucked up people, who will?". And at last, I must come to an acceptance: I can't see pretty. I never have. I just don't get it. But to be fair, I've always liked ugly more anyways. Other artists will show me pretty, they already managed. But when I'm alone, I won't see it. I will only see those wrinkles that old fella is trying to hide. And I will love them so much...
With that being said, I must conclude. I'm surprised that you're still around to read. I doubt you understood anything of that, and that's alright, I probably won't either at a certain point (I was just rambling about my personal art journey this year after all..). But I want to thank you for your attention, I really wanted to share these thoughts. Obviously I didn't get into personal stuff because this is the internet, and that is none of your business!! I feel like people often forget that they're not alone online, and because of this they end up sharing things a random stranger shouldn't know about them- Think twice before posting anything out there, will ya? Just because this is the era of social medias doesn't mean you own it to the internet to share your private life!
I know at the end of the year people tend to get all negative, going "This year was terrible, I can't wait for it to end!!", but I was never a fan of that mindset. Especially with a year like this, I liked it! And I hope you did too! I will remember 2024 fondly, such a different and brimful year... I hope that as the fireworks start you will remember the good things that happened and you'll be hopeful for 2025. One must never give up on hope. Otherwise you'll get all sad and whiny. You don't wanna be sad and whiny, do ya?