Iâve seen a lot of writing on aftercare for subs, but never seen anything about Dom drop or the kind of aftercare that D-types need. Consequently, many people assume that aftercare is only necessary for subs, and many people donât know what kind of aftercare to ask for or provide.
Itâs natural to feel guilty when youâre inflicting pain or cruelty to someone you care about. And like with everybody, a lack of adequate aftercare can be discouraging or even dangerous. Hereâs some aftercare talking points I tend to like hearing from my subs that you can use as jumping off points:
Reassure your Dom that everything they said and did during the scene was wanted and consensual. Go over and discuss anything that ended up being less than pleasurable or any sore spots that they hit if not.
If the scene went smoothly, reassure them that you are capable of saying no and/or using your safe word. Reassure them that despite roleplaying a loss of control, you know that you still were able to consent during your scene.
Reassure your Dom that you arenât actually scared of them; and reassure them that you donât feel like youâre being taken advantage of, nor do you think that they will.
Reassure your Dom that you trust them, you know that they are a responsible dominant, and that you donât feel afraid that they will abuse their power over you.
Reassure your Dom that they are a good person, and that they are not evil or bad for exercising restrained and consensual cruelty during a scene.
Reassure your Dom that they donât need to feel guilty for enjoying themselves when they are dominant with you, and that you enjoy your scenes with them as much as they do.
And some other things to keep in mind regarding aftercare as a whole....
Make sure you end the conversation/evening properly. Even if the Dom doesnât experience Dom drop immediately, itâs very easy for Doms to feel used or like pleasure machines if they feel like theyâve been left hanging.
^^ Especially if youâre sexting or doing BDSM long distance! Do not stop responding without giving closure and reassuring your Dom that youâre okay! If you disappear without saying anything, itâs very possible that your Dom will get anxious and worry that theyâve upset or hurt you.
Check in later. Aftercare doesnât always have to take place immediately after a scene, especially if they felt like they didnât need much aftercare afterwards or youâve had an informal scene and decided to skip it. Dom drop can still settle in a while after a scene has ended, so donât ever assume youâre automatically on the same page and that care wonât be needed.
Make sure to always offer regardless. Nobody should ever have to ask for aftercare! Donât assume that your Dom is okay and needs nothing just because theyâre in control during your scenes.
And finally, Doms: donât be afraid to ask for reassurance on the specific points you worry about! Subs canât read your mind, and they canât always know if the aftercare theyâre giving is enough unless you tell them. You will not lose your submissiveâs respect by asking for aftercare as long if they are committed to engaging in conscientious kink.
Stay safe, take care of each other, and practice kink responsibly! âĄ
