Today, I want to write about how you made me feel so special.
veyrosialda
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Today, I want to write about how you made me feel so special.
veyrosialda
Check out my blog right there!
I see a lot of people on this site romanticising mental illness and I’m sick of it.
Anxiety isn’t some fun little character quirk that makes you unique and different. There’s a difference between feeling anxious and having anxiety.
Anxiety is being at the school ball that you’ve been looking forward to for the last year and a half and suddenly feel petrified. You feel as if everyone is staring and the crowd turns into hundreds of judging faces.
Anxiety is hiding in the bathroom to try and stop your third panic attack as the loud music turns into a haze of blurred nothingness. The voice in your head becomes much louder than any cheesy dance music.
Anxiety is having to bail on an after party you paid money to go to because your body felt tense and wired. As if the slightest little thing would push you over the edge.
Anxiety is biting off fake fingernails, ripping nail polish and fidgeting with anything you hold to try and stop the buzzing in your head
Anxiety is having to quit your job because each extra shift they put on you causes another panic attack
Anxiety is first being scared to be around a lot of people… The being afraid to go to school or work… Then being afraid to go out with friend and eventually it’s being terrified to leave your house.
Anxiety is wondering if you could actually live up to the expectation you set on yourself or… If you’re doomed to fail
Depression isn’t feeling blue or something that everyone goes through. It’s a crippling mental illness that can ruin peoples lives.
Depression is unable to get out of bed, because the thought of it causes fear to run down your whole body.
Depression is hoping to get your parents to hate you so it will easier for them to forget about you when stop fighting or pushing your friends and partner away because they’re better off without you dragging them off
Depression is digging your nails into your flesh till you bleed or burning your body with hot water to feel something again.
Depression is constantly fighting off the voice telling you to end it, to just give up and fucking end all the pain.
Depression is not knowing when you’re actually happy or if you’re just faking it so other people don’t have to worry about it.
Depression is looking at people, looking at friends and hating them, hating how happy they are as you wonder why you can’t be like them
Depression is staring at your window longingly as that voice screams at you to jump out and run away for good.
Stop pretending that anxiety and depression is all fun and fucking games. It’s this attitude that made me think that how I was feeling was normal until I tried to fucking cut my wrists with a damn box cutter at work. Just stop and remember that mental illness isn’t a trait. It’s a problem that people need help for.
Still thinking about how to manage my life well. These days, there are too many crossroads to take. I have a hard time figuring out how to deal with these crazy-head-turning-mind-confusing stuffs going on. Some days, I got drowned in the pit of disarrayed thoughts and find myself unable to climb up to that ladder of recovery. I end up losing myself and believing that I'd be stuck in this hollow land with the darkness and uncertainties to comfort me. I am so convinced that I won't be able to alter this situation but this is the part that I, myself is wrong. I was wrong. There will always be choices. Coffee or tea, sneakers or heels, black or white, left or right, wrong or right, to be mean or not, to be good or bad, to be able to help or not, to be someone who loves or be loved, to try something new or continue to what is used to? It is either yes or no. I have realized it is like this, to be able to be in control with your life, go with the ends. Never let doubts get in your way, no in betweens, always the extremes. Simple right? Just a realization. I still find this way too difficult to apply with myself. Too difficult, too complex, too oppressive. 📷 @chichaigurl / #writingmymind
Questions like "What is your biggest fear?" is much of a cliche in old autograph books and getting to know you questions but this was actually the hardest question for me to answer. I was actually hesitant to write a single stroke of the answer I intended sharing. I was afraid that in this statement people might actually know my biggest weakness and find it very immature and dramatic. Things that they don't even understand and find it very annoying. That dread will always be unintentionally hurting someone with my actions — unconsciously and unintentional. I believe I am not really good in decision making and tend to make drastic judgements that will eventually make the fall of me. Not replying on my friends messages because of my weariness, replying with too short statements because of too many tasks might actually be some of the reasons. I am actually too afraid to make them feel unwanted and unhappy and alone thinking that I didn't care much. But I do, I really do. It's just that, sometimes I cannot compose myself into comforting them when I am also suffering from my own uncertainties. Cancelling of hangout plans because of sudden work-related stuffs, giving too much time not accomodating the time they need because of too tight schedules. I don't think they understand my ways, I am actually very happy on that split second moment where I could see them. Even the tiniest momentum of a talk or chat over lunch, I thought it'll be enough. That is the biggest error. I figured I have to make much time in between my schedules and actually have the "we time" very worthwhile. I wanna make time for them but definitely neglect the fact the what I'm giving them is, "too little" counted like none at all. These days I wanna see them, my friends, but I I am not really on the right track of spending time time with them. I text them an hour away before I see them which is very stupid of me. They won't compromise getting into trouble just because of my unplanned side trips. They can't adjust always to my schedules. We need to meet in between and I need to make an effort — more effort. Sorry. Now I guess I've hurt too many people because of my ways I don't even understand.
The Day I Cried The Most
Mainstream heartaches lead you to never ending cries and a pail of tears. But this time, an ocean of water coming from my eyes can not even compensate the tears of heartache and pain I felt.
You'll wake me up every morning with a very loud sound and a very cheerful tone saying good morning or you'll climb up in my bed and snuggle your nose into my armpits, your very obvious way of saying you want attention. You always make sure I am welcomed everytime I come back home from a very tiring day at work and a very stressful weekly routine. You never fail to brighten up the mood with your blithe. You always put a sparkle of happiness in that shiny shimmering eyes of yours and you're cold little nose gives warmth to an unhappy heart. You are an epitome of cuteness, one that anyone can not resist. A sunsine that sprinkles tini-tiny bushels of brightness.
Abruptly, you are now gone. You made the people around you so sad, that specifically includes me. You have torn my heart apart, its pieces in the ground and my tears kept falling from my eyes. Crestfallen, downcasted with the thought of you and your bliss that I know, I cannot embrace when I look back and come home.
Sending you love Ryner wherever you are. ❤
Love,
Ate Veyya ❤
Morning mood in a gloomy Friday 😌
When Your Friend’s Too Evil
They even edited me in the picture but really? That didn’t even get close to me. That. Is. Not. Me. Never.
But I missed you all, with the roadtrips and hospitable gestures, from the “hatod-kuha” with that car of Bon’s (Camaro sha guyses! Pang chicks daw niya pero nagaras kay gakiat si Kuya Keith lol)
Be back in Medellin in a couple of days! And I can’t wait.
Dayunon na nato ang Malapascua mga sizt please! Ayaw namo pagda bbgirls kay OP na ko mga hinampak 😂 kung magda mo, da sad mo bbboy para na ko. Hahahahahaha.
See you very soonest. ✨
Today, I'd like to write about you.
does anyone pop up in your mind when you read the quote above?
“The only darkness we should allow into our lives is the night, for even then, we have the moon.”
— Warsan Shire, Our Men Do Not Belong To Us
Mister & Miss MSAA 2018 (Medellin Schools Athletic Association) Thank you Medellin for having me. It's such an honor to be part of a promising event that hones the youth of Medellin to be active, developing camaraderie and exuding the essence of sportmanship and bonding Medellin Schools into one. To my co-judges which are a times greater than me, thank you for the warm welcome and friendship, till we meet again. Keep the fire burning. Soaring great at eight! 🎉 Viva Medellin!
To That Tiremazing Day
Perks of having so damn cool friends? Spoiled with food and, a lot of foods. Ang yeah, to adventures and side trips too.
Its a sudden invitation from my cousin to judge in a pageant that triggered me to come to my father’s hometown — Medellin. Good thing I have met this bunch of amazing strangers that turned to be super friends in the said place.
We agreed to gather in the North Bus Terminal after our work around 8 o'clock in the evening, for us to go home together. Bon, Kuya Keith, Cira and I. (I only met Cira that day but it felt like I’ve known her for ages.) I was so hungry that I literally ordered my gwapo friend to buy me doughnuts since I’m craving for it for days now. And hola! Here comes my Jcos doughnuts. 😋 Thank you to Bon! Back to the base, we were gathered at around 9, Filipino time sorry. The bus took off around 9:30PM and we arrived at Medellin around 1:00AM, I can barely walk because I’m too sleepy. But these idiots were too persuasive they got me out of my feet.
We stopped at Bon’s house to get his car and just dropped my things at the resort I am staying. So cool! I am being sarcastic here because I’ve been rolling my eyes the whole time because I just wanna sleep and rest.
But that doesn’t stop my damn friends from being too cheerful at that time. They didn’t even know where to go. We don’t have a place in mind, they just want to have the roadtrip. It lead us first in Lamintak where a fiesta was held. We really did use some alcohol, a little. And danced to the beat, a little. Oh and that roadtrip in mind brought us to Bogo in the middle of dawn too. Well after that side trip to Lamintak.
(see above picture of Bogo Pier at dawn)
I thought I’d be bored and sleepy as hell with this super sudden trip but I’ve enjoyed myself with the gang I’ve only met, some of them. We just talked and shared some fun jokes, laughed our ass out and some cried of a brokenheart but it was very much entertaining. I arrived at the resort I am staying the morning after, almost 5AM. Sad thing is, I don’t have the luxury of time to sleep and I have to attend to a formal event that day, February 24. Hello eyebags!
I’d trade my day of sleep for another trip with them. Credits to my hospitable friend, Bon Rowie Perez with this tiremazing gala.
February 23, 2018
He's at it again with the confusing signals and wavering words.
Vea Rosialda
I can't fathom my own deep thoughts. I am drowned in an ocean of doubts and insecurities, and just because of that, my mind went blank, blank slate.
Sinulog Festival & chill 🍸🎉 #Sinulog2018
"Do not tame the wolf inside you just because you've met someone who doesn't have the courage to handle you." — Belle Estreller
Good thing about this year is I'll be more focused on the religious rights and solemn prayers in devotion of Sto. Niño de Cebu. No more divided minds and adjusting of scheds. Viva Pit Señor! 🎉 will be missing the #sinulog2018 festivities this year 'coz of some unplanned adult stuffs going on with my life deym. Here's a throwback to last year's shows and festive days, yea with good company ✨