I mentioned I might in 2026 but things were moved up. This was decided a month or two ago, I just didn't update on here.
So yeah. Surprise!
Just came back from a business trip in Japan a couple weeks ago. It was also my first time in Japan. It was amazing! My Japanese coworker was afraid for some reason that I would be disappointed. But nope, I'm actually even more excited now.
The role I'll be taking on is global-facing, and so I'll interface with CTOs from various group companies in different countries (including some international business trips). So I won't be in an engineering role, but adjacent. More like strategy for global engineering efforts.
So my career is now at a point right now where it might really start to accelerate if I make the right moves.
It's a little bit overwhelming.
But I'm trying not to think too hard about it and psych myself out.
Well, I got an A in both of my master's classes this semester!
... Thanks to the assistance of AI. Honestly, without it, I'm not sure if I would have been able to do it. Having my textbooks read to me while doing other things. Summarizing key points. Helping me sift through >25 page long research articles. Generating practice questions for exams. Etc. It really helped while working full-time and learning Japanese. (And also relearning how to study after 6 years.)
Apparently one of my classmates was taking three classes (full-time load for our program) while working full-time. Though he is remote, so I'm sure that helped significantly. I know I was able to do way more during the pandemic when I was remote.
For awhile I wasn't sure how I was doing in one of my classes, because the professor graded everything a few days before the grading deadline. Got 100% on a project I thought I might have done completely wrong, got an 88% on a test I thought I aced. But I somehow ended up with a 97% in that course lol. A bit of an emotional rollercoaster with that one.
Before I got my final grades I was thinking about maybe taking 1 class per semester in the future. But honestly, I think two or three could be manageable with that AI assist.
For those wondering, AI was definitely not that useful for certain aspects of my coursework. There were different types of analyses that I tested with AI that it didn't understand, not to mention how generic a lot of responses are. So don't get me wrong. It was definitely an assist. And I still need to learn the content for it to be useful to my job, so I made sure my approach was responsible and balanced.
After all, AI is here to stay. Better to learn to properly work with it as a tool than to try avoiding it out of a sense of pride. One of my older professors is taking that stance and yet he also complains about things like how long it takes to do certain tasks AI could definitely assist with.
That being said, I'm still glad I got the bulk of my education done without AI. AI has its place, but the temptation to cheat through things with it is very high, and I'm sure plenty of desperate students are doing just that. Critical thinking is not something you can learn if you analyze everything through an LLM.
Damn it sucks getting behind in grad school reading. I've learned my lesson lol.
Part of the struggle is realizing which chapters I need to read directly for the homework and shifting around my catch-up schedule a bit. But it's also just a lot so I'm trying not to burn out.
I just have to make it to this weekend and it'll get much easier.
Catching up for grad school has been going well overall.
I didn't meet all of my plans, but I was smart enough to schedule in miscellaneous catch-up times for myself ahead of time. Well, I didn't do much of anything yesterday (its own story) so that is going to come in handy. Plus, I don't explicitly schedule catch-up time during lunch but that's usually available to me, too.
*deep inhale* It's all good.
I'm still on track to be fully caught up by next weekend.
I only scheduled ~2 weeks in advance. But basically once I'm caught up I'll have 1 week still of slightly brutal catch-up from the catch-up (because new material is still churning out!). But after that my goal is to pre-read on the weekends and just review before the lecture on that topic.
My classes vary between 1-2 chapters a week for each of my 2 classes (sometimes multiple partial chapters which is a little confusing). They seem to be 15-25 pages each so I basically have anywhere from 30 to 100 pages to read per week (as a part-time student). I could go do the math to find out the real amount but I'd rather not waste the time lol.
I had to relearn to study again. Partially because I graduated from undergrad about 6 years ago (kudos to anyone still here lol). But also because grad school is a different beast. I'm really trying to prioritize understanding and taking good notes because everything is open book anyway.
So I don't really have to memorize anything, per se. But overall it does directly benefit me to take good notes (1) to make the open book exam easier and (2) so I can reference them in my job, which my courses are highly relevant for now.
But remember, good notes aren't necessarily pretty. They don't need to be at all. And I'm certainly not putting in any special effort to make them pretty unless it directly assists understanding.
It's funny. I wanted to start making studyblr type of content again (probably mainly on Instagram) but since I do everything on my computer it is kinda boring to look at haha. I was actually thinking of upgrading my iPad (mine is a 2017 Pro) because I saw a lot of good content on mindmapping for grad school. That might be cooler to look at, but I'm thinking about it so that's not the only reason I get one haha
~ be a financially responsible adult ~
So I should be on a normal schedule for grad school in about 3 weeks. Which sounds shocking. But I have limited time outside of work and I'm utilizing as much of it as I can. So you can imagine how brutal grad school can be, especially part-time.
It's actually not that bad, though. Just requires discipline and a bit of planning.
In terms of trying to wake up early this week, I failed every day except Saturday. And when I succeeded, I just went on a house cleaning rampage instead of studying.
Sigh.
So it was not successful yet but I'm not giving up. Next week is another opportunity.
Last night I spent some time time-blocking my calendar to figure out when I would need to study to catch up on grad school work. I should be able to catch up by next weekend and get a little ahead by the weekend after ("ahead" in this context meaning I read the chapter and whatnot before the class).
I did fail to wake up early today. Maybe it is the lingering sleep debt/rhythm from last week or maybe it was the warm purring cat. Or... staying up a bit late to plan. Idk.
However, I did the work I was planning to do in the morning during my lunch at work and managed to finish the assignment I was working on tonight in 30 mins less time than I anticipated, even with breaks (though I also started a little later).
I have some "catch-up" time scheduled in and am trying to leave lunch breaks open so I have that extra hour, if needed. I tried to give myself reasonable breaks, but they are shorter for this first week.
I have been using ChatGPT and other tools like Speechify to read my books aloud for some study assistance. I use it to help me with things I already know/studied or answer clarifying questions. So I'll read the book and ask a clarifying question on the topic or double-check my homework after doing it manually. It's very similar to asking a tutor. And I still have to be able to explain it myself, so I'll quiz myself on these topics, too.
Obviously the point is to learn, not to cheat. Especially now that I'm doing a degree where I know directly how everything I'm learning will apply to my job, unlike undergrad where it was occasionally hard to care because some things seemed irrelevant.
Plus, it's probably super obvious if someone puts 0 effort into the work and just asks AI.
Honestly, though, I've gotten the impression that a lot of my professors are pretty old school and don't even understand things like literature citation graphs or AI tools. Using these tools properly is a required skill for the future of work, so it's better to use them properly than throw your hands up.
Anyway, off to quickly review some Japanese I spoke with a colleague today over Teams and then get ready for bed so I can be more successful in waking up early tomorrow.
If you follow me on Instagram, you may have heard that I started grad school.
MS in Psychology, Human Factors, all paid for by my company. The university does have on-campus students (which I got to meet in-person the first week of classes), but they also have a fully remote option which I'm doing since I don't live in the state.
One unintended downside, though, is that all the assignments are due at 2:59am in my timezone. Or midnight in the school's timezone. Gotta be more mindful to make sure I don't confuse Friday at 3am with Friday night, because it's actually Thursday night. Yikes.
But at any rate, I'm a bit behind right now. In part because I was doing a projection arts festival last week which was all-day-everyday kind of work. It was something I already committed to in advance. But luckily one of my classes last week was cancelled for Labor Day and this week my other professor cancelled both classes for a conference. So I have some time to catch up.
But damn, the reading in grad school is no joke.
I've stripped away pretty much all of my other optional responsibilities at this point. I stopped mentoring sessions, I am no longer organizing Discord stuff for the communities I'm involved in (which were semi-professional). I'm really making an effort to put grad school first.
However, I also was told I'm on the short list for a work exchange program in Japan in 2026. So language-wise, I'm only focusing on Japanese. And, of course, not at the expense of grad school. It's easy to immerse in anime (but I have to avoid watching too much) and I have some videos that are perfect to listen to while driving to review what I'm learning.
I'm still trying to figure out how to organize my time the best, though.
So one thing I want to prioritize once I equilibrate back to normal sleeping times this week (not going to bed at 7am when the sun comes up for the festival) is waking up early. I would like the opportunity to do a little bit of school work before I go to work in the morning. Maybe go to the gym for a little bit. Whatever I can do to put myself in the right place to get more done early, then I can have a little free time when I get home to decompress before I go to sleep.
But if anyone has tips for how to do this, lmk. I've never been too successful at it in the past, but I really want to make this change.
Anyway in other news, things have been going well. I've been mentoring a bunch of people, specifically for my niche field, and it's been awesome. People genuinely have felt that I've helped them and impacted them in a positive way. I achieved some milestones and recognition from the platform. I'm giving a pretty sizeable group session this weekend. (All free btw.)
It's good.
I do get a little anxious about it sometimes. I'm trying to deliver some content that no one else is really doing. It can give me a little bit of imposter syndrome here and there. But I try to remind myself that I don't have to be perfect. If I'm helping and not giving out false or misinformation of any kind, doing it imperfectly is ok.
I've realized through this process that I both know more than I give myself credit and also don't feel like I know anything. Lol. It's humbling to say the least. But not necessarily in a bad way. Sometimes it's just hard to know what to focus on next when there's so much I could be doing. There's a lot to learn.
Just sometimes it feels a little ironic that I struggle to know what I should do next, and yet I'm helping other people with that.
I think I've just hit that stage where I'm not a beginner but I'm not advanced either. So I'm stuck in that awkward intermediate phase where you aren't skilled enough to just focus on the gaps.
If you haven’t watched the Goblin Slayer anime, honestly… just don’t.
And I don’t mean specifically because of the first episode. Although don’t get me wrong; the first episode is absolutely horrific to the point where that boilerplate “viewer discretion is advised” warning feels wholly insufficient.
SA and d**th trigger warning.
Also, some Goblin Slayer spoilers.
—
I mean, watching the first episode I was shocked. Shocked to the point where I had to turn off the TV for awhile and just process what I saw. … It was horrifying. However… this is not really about that.
R*pe is a serious topic that warrants discussion. It is a topic that deserves respect and for people to listen. It requires awareness, indeed.
I naively thought hoped that Goblin Slayer might be trying to accomplish some of that. Because even the violence in the show is pretty graphic. None of that slicing a monster in half then ~magically sparkling and disintegrating away~ bullshit that normalizes violence as no big deal in other shows. It was at least realistic and gave you a clear sense of how horrible m*rder and SA should be perceived.
But what really got me was the fan service, tbh.
Overall, fan service is pretty lame imo. A cheap trick for more views. Usually completely distracts from the story. And generally isn’t doing women any favors. It’s annoying at best.
But the fan service in Goblin Slayer is straight up inappropriate.
Not only do they portray the r*pes in a very male-gaze kind of way (e.g., gradually tearing off women’s clothes until they finally tear off the private areas, hentai moaning despite being terrified and brutally abused) but they actually try to show main characters in the show gratuitously reacting to these themes.
For me, the most egregious of this was in S1E8 (where I stopped watching) right after Goblin Slayer woke up next to Sword Maiden and the priestess (surprisingly, actually just sleeping for some resurrection spell that requires a virgin to work). Sword Maiden engages in some conversation with Goblin Slayer that turns to her recounting the horrific r*pes she endured that almost killed her.
And yet… They chose that moment to have her hand slide down her body, jiggling her breasts with typical unrealistic hentai physics, rubbing her thighs together, and blushing as she cuddles up to Goblin Slayer. While she’s recounting her r*pes.
Maybe it’s just me, but given that this series was written by a man and probably mostly watched by men, I think people are somehow missing how absolutely fucked up that is.
Why would a woman EVER use that conversation to flirt with a man? Why?
I really don’t think anyone would.
(Sans the utterly insane.)
I can understand wanting to be held and comforted by someone you trust when revealing that past. But absolutely NOT sexualizing it.
That was just so disgusting.
And some people on the internet truly don’t seem to give a shit about it.
I’ve never been r*ped, but I did narrowly escape a situation where I could have been once. So I can’t fully understand how that feels. But even that dire threat was enough for me to empathize with how awful of a crime r*pe is.
So really, how the fuck is Goblin Slayer allowed to just be on the list of TOP ANIME on Crunchyroll for anyone to click on? (With a really insufficient viewer discretion warning, mind you.)
Why is this fan service content proliferating to this degree?
I’m not an imbecile. I know that sex sells.
But we have studies on this shit showing just how damaging and destructive consistent porn consumption is for men. And yet the freely available suggestive content flooding social media and, obviously, porn itself, is just so easy to access.
Not just easy to access, though. “Normal” to access regularly.
There’s a debate as to whether porn is an acceptable outlet for people to engage in fantasies instead of acting them out in real life vs. if the opportunity to consume that content actually makes things worse. Particularly for the more… illegal fetishes out there. It’s hard to say for certain, and no one wants to make the wrong call on that given the potential consequences, certainly.
But I mean… Idk if it’s because I’m demisexual, or a woman, or that I’m married and no longer “looking” (I don’t like to be perceived sexually), or that Tumblr banned porn and I stopped using Tumblr regularly not too long after that (mostly because of a lot of other people going inactive and I had some major life changes at the time).
But, I just personally don’t feel a need to view sexual content on any consistent basis. I feel as though having all that extra exposure to porn on Tumblr was actually more triggering for me. Now that I just don’t really see it much, I don’t really find myself feeling a sense of FOMO for it. I don’t really seek it out. And I pretty much never want to even hear the audio of it if I do.
Obviously, I do get horny. I do engage in sex and/or self-pleasure. But unless I’m specifically triggered by something I saw that turned me on, I never actually need any sort of supplement to get off.
Appaaaarently, men need visuals to get off. “Need.” Allegedly.
Idk. I just don’t. It’s more of a vibe for me (pun not intended).
But my point here is to say that I’m just getting sick and tired of any kind of fan service, let alone the disgusting misuse of it in a series like Goblin Slayer (and other series I know probably exist but don’t want to come across).
Some will call me a snowflake. Vanilla. Prude. What-fucking-ever.
I honestly don’t give a shit at this point. I have nothing to prove. My life doesn’t revolve around sex.
To me, I’m just perceiving this as a slippery slope that contributes to more hateful, selfish, and destructive behavior toward women in this world. The normalcy of men casually viewing this content (including just the slightly suggestive stuff) helps no one and nothing.
There are studies that show consistent porn use, and especially porn addiction, can be the same if not worse than some hard drugs as far as how it changes the brain.
We really don’t need this shit. We don’t need it. We don’t.
Not at this level of casual daily consumption.
In fact, I’d question if this overstimulation of sexualized content is actually causing less young people to want to engage with real people. Because it’s “easier”. (Some studies point in that direction, actually.)
Personally, I’m thinking that an unintended New Year's resolution for myself is to just stop engaging with unnecessarily sexualized content. Avoid it where I can. Maybe it seems crazy, Idk. It just doesn’t seem worth it to me if the cost is normalizing content that leads to harm to women, in any form.
I don't want to contribute to its success in any form. I don't want to have to think about these things and feel the way I do when I see any of this type of content, at any level.
Like there are so many great anime that don’t have any drip of these themes at all. Ones that are wholesome. Ones that are thought provoking. Or generally positive and encourage self-improvement. Just good stuff. Why not? (Same goes for social media.)
Having sexual desire is normal. It’s evolutionary.
Watching the scene in Season 2 of Quintessential Quintuplets where their classmates can't tell them apart because they have the same face (even though they have different hair) reminded me of being in school.
I'm a fraternal twin (i.e., definitely don't have the same face, body type, or even hair type as my sister) and yet people would confuse us all the time. Despite looking like regular siblings (and not even the type of siblings that look scarily alike despite being years apart).
It was always so frustrating because people clearly did it because they didn't give a single shit. Not because it was actually hard to tell us apart. Makes a bit more sense for identical but we're not identical.
The other day @rudescience and I went to a Yelp Elite event that was essentially a free cocktail happy hour. Met some cool people and learned a few things about what makes a good cocktail (including ice temperature and preparation). Neither of us really drink but it was interesting!
After that, we walked to a restaurant downtown for Spanish-style tapas. And it was incredible. Good food and even better dessert (it was just sweet enough, very flavorful... something that's usually hard to come by in the US).
I was listening to this lo-fi radio on YouTube thinking my cat was calling for me... Turns out, I didn't notice part of the lo-fi is the cat sounds lmao
I haven't used ThredUp in years, in part because I generally don't like the platform for shopping, let alone selling. But I figured I'd give it a shot for selling once again, particularly for things that have been stagnant on places like Poshmark, Mercari, and Depop. Stuff that is technically "too old" for places like Plato's Closet despite being perfectly good quality for thrifting. Basically, things I would have donated anyway at this point.
I sent in the box some time in early February. And apparently, the estimated processing time is in... end of May. 11 weeks processing time.
Would have been nice to know when their policies require items for a particular season. The season they asked for clothing for will be pretty much over by the time they even open the box I sent them.
If I can at least recover the processing fee, that'd be the bare minimum. But if I can't even do that I'll consider clothes recycling options instead in the future.
I don't actually buy that much clothing nowadays. But people like to gift me clothing (either my family during Christmas or my husband's family whenever we come to visit once a year) and so I unintentionally start to collect more of it against my will.
Overall, though, I'd really like to get to a point where laundry is not a battle. I'm experimenting with wearing only lilac clothing for professional events (may seem extreme, but it has worked to make people remember me) and I like that my professional event wardrobe is so simple.
I don't think I'll want to go full lilac for everything, as I still want to be somewhat anonymous in normal life. But it's been a cool experiment.
I'm not in the best place right now. Generally negative thoughts because of career stress.
I'm in a catch-22 where I want to leave but in order to do that, I need to have completed enough of the right type of work to do something like a portfolio presentation. I'm working on one right now and I'll be doing a mock presentation with a FAANG UXR tomorrow. So how that goes will determine short-term next steps.
I realized today that for all of my research life, I've been an island. Always in small places trying to do big things, usually by myself (partially because of my personality, but also because my research topics were usually a bit outside of peoples' expertise). Even in this endeavor, I'm still an island. My department "functions" on mostly individual projects with collaboration as needed, but it's minimal.
My boss confirmed that the type of work I do, while important and useful, is technically on a negative topic that doesn't exactly look good for the company. So obviously, I can't share it. He didn't exactly shoot down the idea of trying to discuss general topics with non-competitors in the industry but didn't exactly encourage it, either.
Even when I try to collaborate, I'm left as an island. Again.
I'm just sick of it. I'd like to finally be able to join a competent team that can actually work together, especially on topics that I'm usually the sole expert on.
Sometimes it feels good to be a big fish in a small pond, but honestly, I'm well over it. If I land my next job in a big company, that brand recognition would be more than enough. I'd still have to prove myself to them, but perhaps less to the outside world.
My research subject today also had a bad time. She was really good about it, but it never feels good to make someone feel bad. Just another damper on the day.
That awkward moment when you get an electric/gas meter reading because your energy bill was more than 2x higher than usual. And the lady on the phone says the estimate was too low...
:s
Apparently the Clean Energy™ we purchase has been getting more expensive each month. Sigh
