www.rachelsdead.com @deerlydepartcd-blog - Tumblr Blog

continued . ( @photoncrd . )

A brief nod was given in response to what Rachel said. Max knew that feeling all too well. It was something she was sure everyone experienced at times. “Sometimes it might feel that way but just remember that you are your own person and no one can take that away from you.” A hand was cautiously placed on the blonde’s shoulder and she gave it a reassuring squeeze. Sometimes she was nervous being around Chloe’s friend that had taken her place when she had to move. Max doubted that it was Rachel’s intention and it was just unavoidable while they were getting used to each other. “Even when it doesn’t seem that way.” She didn’t know if she was helping or not - lately Max felt that she’d been doing more harm than good and just making everyone mad when she was trying to be a good friend to them. “Do you want to talk about it?” The least she could do was offer whether it was accepted or not.

max didn’t know the half of it . she couldn’t . couldn’t possibly understand . couldn’t understand how it felt to be constantly shoved around . LIED TO . forced to play in everybody else’s stupid games . how many people had told her they loved her only to tear down everything she tried to be all over again . first her parents , then frank , then JEFFERSON . why was she so gullible ?

but if max was right - if it all really WAS just her - that was worse . made her weaker and crueler than she ever imagined before . after all , now chloe KNEW , and she was being replaced with max . a placeholder until she came along - all innocence and butterflies . superpowers . gentle and sweet . it was only a matter of time before chloe stopped CARING about her anymore .

hazel eyes began to water , threatened to smear make - up and spill over . she’d shake her head . refused to let herself cry in front of this stranger . instead shrugged . " i don’t want to be a bad person . ” spoken as she looked back towards max . “ but i’m good at it . like - every time something good happens i fuck it up . ” a pause as she looked back down . took a deep breath . “ chloe hates me , doesn’t she ? ”

#darkroom au #photoncrd

continued . ( @loncliness . )

it’s true; this is WAY outside of chloe’s usual realm of courtship. it’s incrediblyobvious, given her usual punky outfits and the fact that she hadn’t even worn a dress( much less a purposefully provocative one ) in too long for her to even count. yet, she’d found one that managed to fit her edgy aesthetic, a nice black and red dress, while getting about as classy and sexy as chloe price could probably get.a few candles, which she had definitely stolen from her mother, were scattered about the room, gave a dimly lit ambiance.

she really hoped that this would even remotely succeed in wooing rachel – or, at least, not end up in a painfully awkward rejection. at this point, chloe would takeeither. she’d take a gold star sticker for effort, even.

“ chill, rachel. i just wanted to make my room more romantic for you, ” chloe answered, laying across the bed in what she could only hope rachel would also interpret as a super sexy pose. “ what do you think? have any thoughts, feedback? general ideas on where this could or, uh– couldn’t go? ”

it was different , but definitely in a good way . more because of the thought so obviously put into it than anything else . ( not to say that chloe wasn’t incredibly attractive in that dress , but oh , she’d never thought so much thought would be put into something like this . ) but when chloe laid across the bed , she’d GRIN , moved to join the other on the bed , moving to sit beside her . leaned down to press a soft kiss to the other’s lips , let it linger for a long moment before she pulled away .

she’d let her fingers trail over the other’s chest lightly - fingertips tracing over soft , pale skin . “ i love it . ” a soft murmur as she pressed another kiss to the other’s lips - this time deeper than before , still adoring and loving but even more passionate than the last .

it all only reminded her of just how much she loved chloe - told her all about just how much chloe honestly CARES about her , so of course she appreciated it . only knew even more certainly just how much she loved chloe .

#loncliness #post-bts

thriving-em

#musings

continued . ( @methdrip . )

Jesse’s not sure how long he’s been cooped up in his house – days, maybe even weeks – but he’s pretty sure he didn’t invite Rachel in. He’s quick to wipe his eyes and turn away from her, like she hasn’t just walked in on his pitifulattempt to make it through the hardest time in his life. “Jesus,” He shakes his head, with his face in his hands. “Do you know how to KNOCK?”

she hadn’t heard from him in so long . had grown concerned for the person who’d become something so much more than just her drug dealer . so she refused to let it go when she heard nothing from him for over a week now . instead showed up on his doorstep and found the door open - not so subtly snuck into his house and found him there . noticed the red puffiness of his eyes . the way he was acting . ignored his question . ignored the fact that she had no permission to be there . “ you haven’t said SHIT to me in over a week . i was worried frank KILLED YOU or something . ”

#methdrip #post-bts

Methdrip‌ .

Truthfully, any answer she would have given him would have made Jesse happy. He’s not really picky about the shit there is to do, as long as he doesn’t have to do it ALONE any more. When his family had first moved here, he’d been convinced that he could survive as a lone wolf – What’s one more year, anyway? – but that quickly proved itself to be a pathetic lie. Jesse needed friends, social contact, PEOPLE around him to feel sane. He’d only lasted on his own about a week.

“That sounds WICKED, yo,” He leaned back against the wall, flicking his cigarette butt to the ground and grinding it into powder with the heel of his shoe. “I love concerts and shit. I played in a band back in Albuquerque, before I moved.”

Jesse wondered briefly if his friends back home thought about him. Did they miss him? Had they moved on already? He certainly thought about them, more often than not, but maybe that was because he hadn’t made any new friends yet. Rachel might turn out to be his saving grace.

He seems to perk up at her question – what was he doing? “Right now?” He looked around them at the students hurrying to class, the quickly thinning crowds. Jesse turned back to her with a smirk. “Besides skippin’ class with you?”

he played in a band ? that was definitely cool . not that she was at all under the illusion that he was famous but it was interesting . meant that at least he knew how to play SOME kind of instrument . " a band ? that sounds hella cool - what'd you play ? ” she’d drop her own cigarette butt to the concrete - snuffed it out with the sole of her black converse shoe .

but what was really important - the fact that he was willing to spend time with her . that he was willing to skip class with her . oh , it wasn’t that she skipped class often , but recently blackwell had become more and more of a HELLHOLE for her . had grown tired of dealing with victoria and all her minions . didn’t want to deal with her parents or her teachers either , even if she knew her parents would find out . knew she’d have to face the consequences eventually .

but today was absolutely NOT that day . “ HELLA . d’you have a car ? ‘cause if you do , we can go to the lighthouse or the junkyard or wherever . ”

#methdrip #post-bts

Methdrip .

Jesse plopped himself down onto a barstool next to her with a pained sigh. He could feel his heart beat in his nose. Honestly, though, he was sort of GLAD that Frank had come in there and tossed the place – now he finally had a GOOD REASON to cut him the fuck off. Before it was all conjecture – just things that Jesse had assumed, things he’d deduced, but nothing CONCRETE. No evidence of his strange and UNNERVING attraction to Rachel, the UNDERAGE HIGH SCHOOLER with daddy issues.

Jesse shivered. People in Oregon didn’t FUCK AROUND.

He laughed a little at her sentiment. “Yeah, I mean – I definitely didn’t think I’d be like, takin’ a BEATING for a client, either,” He’d always had a weakness for kids – and Rachel WAS a kid – always found solace in knowing that he could protect the weak. He was quite thankful that Rachel came to him, that she actually took him up on his offer to come here whenever she felt UNSAFE. “I wouldn’t be comfortable knowing you were out there, just like, at his MERCY. Frank freaks me the fuck out. I don’t trust ‘im.”

Jesse thought briefly on the fact that the GUN seemed to be the only thing that had stopped Frank from trying to kill him. He didn’t want to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t had one. “Stay as long as you need, yo, but… what are you gonna DO? Like, he knows where your school is, he might even know where you LIVE. It’s like, a RECIPE for disaster.”

a weak laugh at the mention of taking a beating for a client - knew all too well that it was her fault he was beat up . shifted uncomfortably when he said he doesn’t trust frank . not that she does . but god - then the way he followed up . pointed out the TRUTH . that eventually she would have to leave . not necessarily because he was forcing her out , but because she still had SCHOOL . didn’t have clothes here or any of her belongings .

but he knows where she goes to school . he knows she lives in the dorms and could so easily figure out which one she’s in with the labels on the map in the hallway . and GOD of course he knows where her parents live - nearly everyone does . after all , it was no secret that her father was the district attorney . god , he even knew where CHLOE lived - knew that they hung out in the junkyard often . so jesse had a POINT . what would she do ? what COULD she do ?

she’d take a long drink from the aluminum can in her hand . needed to be MUCH LESS SOBER than she was now if she expected to think about ANYTHING related to frank without going insane . just THINKING about it again and the reality that she couldn’t escape him was threatening to make her tear up again . “ i don’t know . i’m not - this isn’t the kinda shit they teach you how to fucking DEAL WITH in school , y’know ? like - i can’t tell my parents because they’ll be pissed and like - do something stupid probably , and i can’t just stay HERE for the rest of my life because i have to go to school , but i can’t just go to school because he knows where THAT IS and he knows where the DORMS ARE , so i - i don’t know , jesse . i haven’t thought any of this that far through . ”

#post-bts #methdrip

Methdrip .

It was PAINFULLY obvious that whatever they’d given her for a sedative, they’d given her far too much of it. She was completely out of it, CLEARLY uncomfortable, in pain. He knew they had a matter of seconds before the two guys – WHOEVER the fuck they were – woke up again. Noticed her missing. Remembered Jesse’s face.

He looked around frantically, laying Rachel on the WEIRDLY out-of-place couch. It took him ten seconds to find the vial of shit they’d shot her up with. Stuck it in his pocket. Went to work on the duct tape on her wrists and ankles. The longer he looked at her, the ANGRIER he got – the more DIFFICULT it became to stop himself from going out to his car, getting his gun, and coming back to finish the two SCUMBAGS who’d done this.

Jesse took a breath, shaking Rachel a bit. “Hey – HEY, Rachel. Stay with me, okay?” he gingerly scooped her up again, making his way back to his car as fast as he could. Once they were outside, he set her down once more, leaning her forward in his arms. “We gotta get that shit outta your system, okay? Sorry in advance.” Stuck his fingers down her throat, trying to get her to puke up as MUCH of that poison as she could. Then he loaded her into his car, started the engine, and began to speed them to the nearest hospital.

“RACHEL,” He kept reaching over, shaking her, trying to keep her from falling asleep. “Yo, stay WITH ME, man!”

she’d lean into him slightly , eyelids beginning to feel so heavy as he went to do SOMETHING . she could feel herself sink into the couch - brain was already feeling foggy when he returned . but his TOUCH would pull her back into consciousness , the tug against her arms and then legs as he worked to remove the tape that bound her limbs together . she could barely keep her eyes open , though , and when he shook her she already wanted nothing more than to let herself fall asleep . but at his coaxing , she’d try to fight HARDER - tried to force her eyes to stay open and focus on him .

she’d try to take a deep breath , only to feel that intense TIGHTNESS in her chest . as if something was pressing down on her - trying to keep her from drawing enough oxygen in . and when he picked her up , she knew that even if she wanted to fight , she couldn’t - every limb felt heavy and unmovable . proven when he brought her outside and forced his fingers into her mouth with little resistance even when she tried to . she knew he was saying SOMETHING , but what was it ? sounded only like garbled words .

but he’d trigger her gag reflex EASILY - force her stomach to contract and making her puke up whatever was left in her stomach . she was shivering - freezing even though it had been HOT out before . ( how much time had passed ? hours ? days ? it felt like she hadn’t slept in a MONTH . ) and yet , she could almost feel the cold sweat on the back of her neck - beginning to dampen the roots of her hair . but she’d manage to keep her eyes open as he loaded her into his car , nearly slumped over into the seat as she FOUGHT to keep herself conscious . didn’t know what she had been given , but knew that the last time she’d felt anything like this , she was told that she had almost DIED .

and she DOESN’T want to die - struggles to obey . to pry her eyes open even as her eyelids seemed to grow heavier and heavier . but the longer she tried the less his occasional shaking would work - the more she’d try .

#methdrip #darkroom au

Methdrip .

There was no fucking WAY that this was real. No way that Jesse had followed that scumbag Nathan back to this… barn in the middle of nowhere, with a professional, underground photography studio. It seemed like something out of a movie, or a video game, not something that actually HAPPENS to people. Especially not to people like Jesse. He had just wanted to stay at home, smoke a bowl and watch Futurama, but instead he’d seen Rachel on his way home. She had been walking – or, rather, STUMBLING – out of the junkyard with some KID, and something had just felt… WRONG. Especially when she’d gotten into his car.

On the drive there, Jesse had cursed himself for being so creepy, considering he and Rachel really didn’t know each other that well. Following her while she went home with a guy? Pretty fucking CREEPY, as far as base standards go. Or, at least, it would have been creepy, if Jesse’s gut feeling had ended up being wrong – but instead, there he was, watching from his car while Nathan dragged an unconscious Rachel from his car and into the barn. Jesse had pulled his gun from the glove box, followed the two inside, and watched in abject HORROR as he’d dragged Rachel underground, to a bunker, where someone else waited with a camera.

Fuckin’ freakshow. Jesse stood in the hallway for several minutes, listening to the two men, looking at the fucking UNSETTLING Ero Guro art on the walls. What was he supposed to DO? How did he know that the guys who drug and kidnap teenage girls didn’t have a gun down here with them?

It was difficult to keep his breathing in check, to keep himself from making too much noise and giving himself away. Now or never, bitch. Get in there.

Jesse burst through the door, gun drawn, and the two men turned to gape at him, and the rest was a blur – clawing and fighting until Jesse knew he had at least a few minutes to grab Rachel and take her back to his car – before Jefferson and Nathan woke up again. He approached her, his stomach CHURNING at the sight of her limbs duct-taped together, and her dazed, confused eyes. Jesse swallowed hard.

“Yo, I’m… I’m here to help, Rach, stay calm. I’m gonna pick you up, okay?”

the sounds of a FIGHT made her stomach churn - fear that they would kill the person who might just be the last person who could possibly save her . and when the figure approached she’d tense slightly - tried to FOCUS her vision as he looked back to her . it was jesse , right ? he was the right shape . the right size .

then he’d speak , and she’d KNOW , even through the echoing . it was faint , but THERE . she’d offer a small nod - a small movement that sent everything around her spinning as she struggled against dizziness . she vaguely understood . recognized that he was likely much SAFER than jefferson and nathan combined . after all , he’d definitely never tried to touch her - definitely hadn’t slept with him for any reason . and at this point ? he really was more of a parent than EITHER of her own .

she couldn’t really respond in any meaningful way - instead only offered a slight groan that in some vague way might sound like his name . and when he’d pick her up , she wouldn’t fight him - instead leaned into him , face pressed against his shoulder as she took a shaky breath . tried to ignore the wave of nausea as she was MOVED . after all , she would MUCH RATHER be carried than be left there under jefferson and nathan’s control . probably end up dead if she wasn’t lucky enough .

#darkroom au #methdrip

❝ i just need an excuse to hang out with you. ❞

." tell them i’m SUICIDAL . they can’t turn that down . i mean , who wouldn’t let you visit your friend who wants to kill herself ? it’s the perfect lie . ” spoken into the speaker of her phone - barely a lie . she needed chloe there . everything was getting to be TOO MUCH and she was touch starved after only two days . “ please , chlo ? i really want to see you . ” practically BEGGING , but for chloe she was willing to . everything felt wrong , and there was no sign that it was going to improve any time soon . so she’d take whatever little relief she could get - try to sneak chloe into the dorms again , or maybe they could go to the junkyard . bring a blanket and spend the night in the back of chloe’s truck . at this point she didn’t CARE . she just needs chloe .

#post-bts #loncliness

Jesse-fucking-pinkman .

“I know, right? I should, like, put that shit on my resumé. 3 years experience with conflict resolution.” Jesse was THANKFUL to see Rachel perk up a bit – making jokes was one of the only ways he had ever known how to make himself feel better, besides other, more… SELF-DESTRUCTIVE tendencies. So it was nice to see that she had the same sense of humor. He could always use that to cheer her up.

Jesse replaced the cap to the painkillers, already grateful for the way he knew he would feel in about ten minutes. There were only a few times in life that it was good to NOT feel your face – THIS was definitely one of those times. As he reached up to place the bottle back on the shelf, he brought another down with him, popping it open as well and shaking a small white bar out into his palm. Two milligrams should be more than enough.

He held his hand out to Rachel. “Gotta wait to take it for a bit, though. Mixing it with alcohol is, like, a really bad idea,” He warned her, popping the cap back onto the Xanax. “You’re welcome to stay, yo. I told you, I gotta spare bedroom.”

." i’m sure lots of places would totally hire you for that . i mean , dealing with shitty people is pretty much NUMBER ONE in any customer service job , right ? ” a slight smile at the fact that he at least seemed willing enough to accept jokes . didn’t really know how else to handle it ANYWAYS . after all , up until now her only coping methods were arson , breaking things , and DRUGS - none of which were particularly healthy . but at least this he was willing enough to indulge .

when he offered her the pill , she would accept it - offering a SMALL NOD at the warning . would instead slip it into the pocket of her flannel shirt . instead took another drink from the can that remained in her hand . “ no problem . ” definitely wasn’t looking to get too fucked up after all that had already happened . didn’t want to end up feeling even WORSE if frank came back - as unlikely as that was .

.“ thanks , jesse . like , seriously . you hella saved my ass . ” earnest . didn’t want to LEAVE . definitely didn’t want to go home and be alone or have to explain everything about frank to chloe . couldn’t even begin to consider how she could tell her - much less how she could tell her in the state she was in NOW . “ gotta say i never thought i’d be coming to my drug dealer for protection . ”

#post-bts #jessefuckingpinkman

Jesse-fucking-pinkman .

Jesse took another step closer to her, turning to stand next to her instead of across from her. “Yeah, that’s cool and all, but what do YOU do for fun?” He leaned back against the sun-bleached wall and smoked his cigarette, silent for a few moments, seeming to contemplate her offer, like it was a hard choice. It wasn’t. But he had to keep her on her toes, right? Keep her wanting more.

Jesse remembered seeing the lighthouse on his drive into town with his family – overlooking Arcadia Bay like some kind of guardian, keeping the town safe from whatever HORRORS may lurk beneath the murky waters. It had been a fascinating sight, considering he’d grown up landlocked in the desert. The closest he’d ever been to an ocean was in a painting his mother had hanging in their kitchen. Finding out that it was a popular spot for the youth of Arcadia Bay didn’t really surprise him.

He’d already spent a fair amount of time on the beach. Almost every night he snuck out of his house to smoke a joint on the rocks overlooking the ocean, to watch the stars and let the sea air wash over him. He’d fallen asleep out there a few times. It was a place that made him feel calm and safe, like the rest of the world was moving a million miles a minute while he remained solid on the rocks, watching the ocean tide collide with the sand as it had for all of time.

“I mean, I DO need a tour,” He turned to her with a devious smirk on his face, giving her a once-over and not bothering to be discreet about it. “I’ll take you up on that. It’s a date.”

what does SHE do for fun ? aside from everything she’d already mentioned , not much . wasn’t as if she had all that much time once school and homework and theater were factored in . but it wasn’t as if it would never happen . there were moments of peace - moments where the world would practically stop and allow her to remain there . mostly it was stargazing - laying back on the hoods of abandoned cars and watching the stars light up the sky . seek out each constellation . it was peaceful and , though likely not many people’s definition of fun , it was to her .

but that would sound stupid . definitely wasn’t what he wanted to hear . after all , he was the type who seemed like he’d be far more interested in LOUD MUSIC and hard drugs than he would be stargazing . or anything else as stupidly dorky that she liked . so she’d shrug - offer something else . not a lie , but definitely not the full truth . “ sometimes they have concerts around town . mostly local bands , but sometimes bigger names come through . it’s hella cool . and there’re a couple bars around here who don’t card . or road trips . once i went down to long beach for a concert with a friend . it was INSANE . ”

she’d offer a smile as he moved to stand next to her - definitely noticed the flirting , though that had been what she was hoping for , right ? it meant that , whatever was going to happen , he was interested in her . open to hanging out . and if he was right and could get her whatever she wanted ? maybe she wouldn’t have to deal with FRANK anymore . after all , he was getting creepier and creepier . so maybe if she had someone else to get everything from it would go at least a little better , whether he was into her or not . ( though if the look he gave her was any indicator , he was DEFINITELY interested . ) and it certainly would be better than having frank salivating over her every time she said hello or wanted a little weed . “ sounds perfect . so , are you doing anything now ? ”

#post-bts #jessefuckingpinkman

Jesse-fucking-pinkman .

Shit, that had to be a personal record – he’d gotten her number without even ASKING for it. Jesse flashed a brilliant smile her way, all blue eyes and white teeth. “Yo, I’m not about to say NO to getting your number,” He flicks the ash from the tip of his cigarette, bringing it to his lips with one hand while the other pulled his cell phone from his pocket. Jesse flipped it open and took another step closer to her, offering it to her.

Jesse watched her carefully when she took it from him, watching as her thin fingers punched a number into his cell, practically GRINNING the entire time. He was giddy to have met this girl – she seemed totally cool, and Jesse needed a friend here. Someone to talk to.

“I’m pretty much always around, too,” He takes the cigarette from his mouth and turns his head to exhale the smoke. “Haven’t made a lot of friends here, yet, so I’m pretty much always free. What’s, uh, what’s there to do for FUN around here?”

she’d accept his phone - carefully entered her information as she held her own cigarette between her lips . would laugh as she offered it back to him , the question of what there is to do around arcadia one she’d definitely wondered before . after all , in such a small town what WAS there to do aside from party and smoke ? sure , she occupied plenty of time with extra - curriculars , but even then boredom was still frequent . it was why she DOES sometimes hang out with the vortex club - because at least there might be something interesting might happen .

she’d let out a breath accompanied by a trail of smoke as she removed the cigarette from her lips . considered just what to tell him - what he might be interested in that he could do there in arcadia . “ not much . the lighthouse is a pretty popular party spot - lots of people go there hook up or get high or both . there’re vortex club parties and the beach . but other than that most people just hang out at the DINER or whatever . ”

a pause as she offered a slight smirk - small tilt of her head as she looked him over carefully . curiously . “ if you want , i could hella show you around sometime . you seem way cooler than any of those vortex club kids anyways . ”

#post-bts #jessefuckingpinkman

Jesse-fucking-pinkman .

Oh, shit. Jesse’s face turned cold as Rachel told him about her father, and how he was the DISTRICT ATTORNEY, and Jesse really couldn’t help but let his mind race at all the possibilities. Rachel could easily be using he AND Frank to get information, to gather up evidence about the Blue Sky that was floating around, because any investigator worth a damn would be able to connect Jesse to it pretty easily. Shit, the kid hadn’t even changed his NAME. It was too easy. His heart thrummed against his ribcage and he took a shaky breath in an effort to try and steady it.

Calm down, Jesse. Rachel was a GOOD KID. Jesse could tell. She wasn’t honest to everyone, but she had been honest with him, and that meant a lot – especially considering the circumstances. If she had anything to do with her father and they’d wanted to bring Jesse down, he would’ve been locked up a month ago. The boy scratched his head. “Shit, kid, that’s INTENSE.”

It was… almost comforting, to know that he had a connection there. Her offer was a BIG DEAL, something that could fuck Rachel over for the rest of her life if she got caught doing it. “Thanks, yo. I’ll let you know, but it’s safe to say if they ever got evidence on me, I’m gonna be livin’ it up in county. Probably won’t be able to tell you,” He leaned back on the trunk of the car. “Don’t put your ass on the line for ME, kiddo. I already fucked my life up, you could be GOIN’ places. I hear you’re an honor student?”

she noticed the way his face seemed to PALE at the mention of the DA . swallowed hard - suddenly anxious . worried he would try to pull a knife or a GUN on her . would KILL HER . finish what damon merrick started and kill her and leave her corpse in the woods where nobody would EVER FIND HER . oh please don’t let him kill her . she’s not ready to die . not yet . not when she hadn’t even made it back to los angeles . not when she hadn’t even BEGUN the modeling career she’d been dreaming of ever since she was a kid .

and then he scratched the back of his neck and actually SPEAK . didn’t reach for a weapon . didn’t reach out to HURT HER . would release a soft sigh as she he actually thanked her for the offer . would offer a slight nod . knew that he already seemed smarter than frank . definitely likely better that he wasn’t inviting just ANYONE to show up at his door for drugs . trusted that he could very likely take care of himself , unlike her apparently .

but at the mention of her being an HONOR STUDENT , telling her not to put her ass on the line for him . she’d offer a small shrug . definitely didn’t want him thinking she was trying to pull something over on him . would instead offer information . “ yeah , i guess . i have a four point oh , or whatever . but really , it’s fine . i wouldn’t offer if i wasn’t sure i could do it . and if he figures out it was me , it’s not like he could turn me in to the cops . i have too much career - ruining bullshit on him . not to mention it’d look pretty bad for him if anything came out about me , and in a town like this ? everyone would know in less than forty - eight hours . he’d NEVER get re - elected . so , at least for the next nine years , i’m pretty much totally SAFE . ”

#post-bts #jessefuckingpinkman

Jesse-fucking-pinkman .

Jesse seemed to grow anxious at her words – the LAST thing he wanted was for this frightened girl to return home blaming herself for the things that transpired here. It reminded him a lot of the way he used to internalize Mr. White’s wrongdoings, how Walt seemed to be able to accomplish infinitely EVIL tasks and feel no remorse while Jesse shouldered all of the guilt and pain and anguish. “Hey–” Jesse moved the beer can from his face, so that he could see her properly. “Rachel. It’s NOT your fault that Frank is a fuckin’ PSYCHO. A’ight?”

He reached over to her and rested a reassuring hand on her arm, leaving it there for several moments before he released her to pop open his beer as well. “I can handle myself. This ain’t my first rodeo.” Jesse brought the rim of the can to his lips and took three long gulps before setting the beer down on the counter again. The pain in his nose had reduced to a dull throbbing, which wasn’t PLEASANT by any stretch of the imagination, but was absolutely preferable to what it had felt like about 5 minutes ago.

He turned to face the sink once again, reaching to open the cabinet above it, and produced a prescription bottle. Vicodin. He saved them for times like this, when he really just needed to stop hurting and chill the fuck out. He popped two into his mouth and swallowed them dry, turning to Rachel once more. “… I got, like, XANAX and shit, if you think it would help you sleep.”

hazel gaze would lift once again to meet his own at the gentle touch of his hand on her arm - would easily hold her attention as he spoke , her heart seeming to tighten in her chest as she swallowed hard in an attempt NOT to start crying all over again . oh , maybe he was right . wasn’t like she was the one who told him to go apeshit that night in particular . never said that she wanted him to practically STALK HER and come to jesse’s house trying to take her home with him .

yet , even with the reassurance , the guilt lingered - perhaps easier to push away with his reassurance , but still THERE . would drive her to lift her own can to her lips as he pulled his hand away , taking a long gulp herself before carefully setting it back down in front of her . " i know . ” a soft acknowledgement as she took a deep breath . watched as he took a drink . would try to at least make some kind of joke . make him feel just a little less sorry for her . “ but , y’know , guess it’s HANDY that you’ve got so much experience , because i’m sure i wouldn’t have been qualified enough for that . ”

spoken with a small smirk as she watched him turn to the cabinets and retrieve a prescription bottle . considered his offer carefully - not that it would take long at all to reach a conclusion . after all , medication would probably be the only way she could even come close to getting to sleep after everything that had happened , and she was in no mental or emotional state to be refusing help . “ HELLA - please . and , uh , is it still cool if i stay here with you tonight ? ”

#post-bts #jessefuckingpinkman

Jesse-fucking-pinkman .

Jesse couldn’t help but GRIN when she met his eyes – he could see the interest there, hiding behind her carefully coordinated exterior – and he knew he had her. At least, he had a way in to these… INFAMOUS Vortex Club parties. Jesse would never turn down an opportunity to get FUCKED UP, especially with people like Rachel Amber, who weren’t part of the group. People who watched from afar. DETACHED people. Like Jesse.

He tossed his burnt-out cigarette against the concrete and snubbed it out with his shoe, pulling another from his pack to light up once more. “I’d hang out with you whether or not you could get me into those FAMOUS parties, yo,” he gazed at her through the smoke that wafted from his lips. The way she laughed made it hard to look away. He wondered briefly how much practice Rachel had with MANIPULATING others – because Jesse had a feeling that she could be GREAT at it.

“I mean… I wasn’t joking when I told you I can get anything,” An unfortunate skill he had – the ability to make connections anywhere he was. Being an addict will do that to you. He looked at her again, stepping into the light so that his eyes glowed. “Whatever you want – DEFINITELY stronger than weed.”

ANYTHING . that was a promise that almost actually surprised her . had definitely been around hard drugs before , but definitely hadn’t known anyone aside from FRANK who was capable of obtaining them . and if there was a way of getting shit that didn’t involve going through him , when she already KNEW he was into her . after all , she wasn't BLIND . so perhaps this would be a good thing . would offer her a better way to get what she was looking for .

and yet , she was curious . wondered whether he was getting his stuff from frank or if there was someone else . after all , she’d seen the inside of frank’s rv - knows he doesn’t make his own shit . not that she imagined he’d be smart enough too . so maybe jesse just knows someone else ? maybe someone outside of arcadia ? not that it mattered that much . at least , not to her . wasn’t like she was about to start asking questions when it was definitely public knowledge that she was the daughter of the district attorney . figured the less she asked , the less suspicious she would seem . not that there was anything to even be suspicious OF .

.“ sounds good . ” couldn’t help but appreciate the way he said he’d hang out with her whether or not she could get him in . found herself taking even more notice of just how insanely BLUE his eyes were . “ if you want my number , i’ll hella make sure you get on the list . and , you know , if you ever need someone to hang out with , i’m pretty much always around . ”

#post-bts #jessefuckingpinkman

Jesse-fucking-pinkman .

“Beer or whiskey,” He repeated her, looking over at Rachel with a wide, bloody grin. He pointed at her. “I like your style,” Jesse sauntered over to the fridge and threw the door open, practically MOANING at the burst of cold air that hit him. He leaned in close, resting his forehead against the produce drawer for several moments, and groaning at the cold. “God, that’s NICE.”

He finally reached in and grabbed two cans of beer from the shelf and shutting the refrigerator afterwards. He slid one to Rachel from across the counter and pressed his own can against his nose, sighing in relief. “This’ll help, for now. I think I gotta couple ice packs in the freezer somewhere – it’s not the FIRST time I’ve… y’know,” He gestured to his face. “Got the shit kicked outta me.”

He looked over at Rachel again, watching her face. He could tell she felt GUILTY, that she blamed herself, at least partially, for what had just happened. Jesse had never been much good at consoling people. “… Uh, hey, Rachel…” He swallowed, looking pretty much everywhere but at her. “You know this… like, that this isn’t your fault, right? You got nothin’ to feel bad about, yo. FRANK is the crazy bitch who hit me, that… bean fucker.”

she’d crack a small smile at his smile - infinitely glad that he had managed to chase away frank . in fact , he was probably the reason she wasn’t on her way to the hospital right now , whether she would have been dead or alive . she absolutely owed him . couldn’t believe he was so nonchalant about taking a beating for her . about having his entire house ransacked by the other man all because he was looking for HER . because he got high and couldn’t deal with the fact that she didn’t want to fuck him anymore .

when the can was slid to her across the counter , she’d catch it easily . took a deep breath as she took a closer look at his face . knew it would only get WORSE as bruises form . and sure , maybe he’d gone through it before , but why did that mean he should do it again all for her ? why did he deserve to get hurt for something he had nothing to do with . but then his tone shifted - seemed to grow more serious . refused to look back at her .

not her fault ? maybe . but she should have known better than to get involved with someone who was essentially known for being sketchy as fuck . so sure , maybe she DIDN’T have anything to do with frank’s descision to hit jesse , but she was still the reason he was there in the FIRST PLACE . yet , she’d still offer a small laugh at the term ‘ bean fucker . ’ probably ruined whatever business relationship the two might have had before she got involved . she’d pop open the can before her as she spoke - gaze lingering on the top of the can . “ if it weren’t for me , you wouldn’t have to deal with that bullshit . like , what if he tried to kill you or something ? "

#post-bts #jessefuckingpinkman

Jesse-fucking-pinkman .

“Oh, yeah? Free drinks – sounds like you gotta pay with somethin’ else. Like your self-esteem.” It definitely hadn’t taken Jesse long to figure out the social hierarchy here at Blackwell. Most schools had one, and it was usually easy to tell who was on top, because they were USUALLY sophomores or juniors and thought they were just the TITS. Walked around, clearing a path with their gaze, making sure everyone around them knew just how INSIGNIFICANT they were compared to the royal family. It was… kind of hilarious, actually.

Jesse was a senior. He didn’t give a SHIT about who liked him and who didn’t. It was fun to watch from afar, DETACHED from it all, since he was the new kid anyway. All the other seniors had been at Blackwell for 4 years – had already formed their cliques and friend groups and had no interest in interacting with a total STRANGER, forming a new bond only to lose it once everyone goes to college. He was alone most of the time, so a new conversation was a welcome change of pace.

He took another puff of his cigarette. “You, uh, think you can get me into the VIP section? I can bring whatever you guys need – there’s a REASON my parents think I’m a BURNOUT.”

oh , he wasn’t WRONG . self - esteem was something just about everyone in the vortex club lacked . lived in an eternal cycle of building each other up and then tearing each other down . oddly fitting for a group naming themselves after a VORTEX . but she didn’t care about the politics . didn’t care what victoria thought about her or said about her . didn’t care whether their stance on her that week was negative or positive . after all , she was only there for the parties . only stayed on good terms with them because of what they could do for her .

and at the question of whether or not she could get him into the vip section , she’d offer a slight smile - head tilted to the side as she brought her cigarette back to her lips . would carefully consider the offer to bring WHATEVER THEY NEED . would look him over carefully , consider him more than she had before . meet his blue eyes again , this time with much more interest . wondered idly about just what his offer entailed . knew it was likely more than WEED . after all , nearly everyone knew where to get that . hell , nearly everyone uses it .

.“ i can definitely get you in if you promise to hang out with me for a little while . " cigarette removed from between her lips . would exhale in a soft puff of smoke . the suggestion was more playful than demanding - accompanied by a small laugh . “ what kind of stuff d'you want to bring , though ? because i’m sure if you show up with anything stronger than WEED you’ll be the life of the party . ”

#post-bts #jessefuckingpinkman

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

www.rachelsdead.com