m a l a c h a i

seems the monster always wins kai parker the sociopath { PHOENIX } he/them

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clena-gilbcrt:

“Not me,” She smirked playfully. “Why can’t it just be simple?” Granted her idea of simple probably differed greatly to his. “I just wish it was easier. I wish this,” She gestured at the space on the bed between them, “was easier.”

“That’s because you spent eighteen long, dream-like years with me and my goofy self. You’ve been spoiled, and thus lulled into a false sense of calm.” He watched her gesture. He wish he could answer. “From what I’ve seen, feelings are never easy. Sorry for upping that ante.”

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clena-gilbcrt:

“I don’t think I could ever be scared of you,” she whispered, “Even if I tried.” Another smile came across her features before she frowned, lowering her voice even more. “Of what’s to come. Of the future.”

“Now that’s a little hard to believe. Everyone’s scared of me.” He was born with stigma. It was just used to being seen as a threat. But her answer sobered him, and he’s nodding gently -- so subtly so it was hard to tell he moved at all. “Me too.”

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clena-gilbcrt:

“Okay, no more food talk,” she smiled and snuggled a bit closer to him, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. “I’m scared, Kai.” She admitted sheepishly.

His smile mirrored hers. “Thank you.” She was used to being around vampires -- he wasn’t all that worried. Then he’s watching her expression, the way it shifted ever so slightly. “Of what, exactly?” he asked quietly. “Me?” The added word was offered gently, almost playfully, but it was a concern all the same.

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jgilbertts:

@defectivetwiin

“I know you found Elena,” Jeremy greeted him, this time the gun he held was not for the other — so that was an improvement. “where?”

“Where did I find her, or where is she right now?” he asked, cocking his head. “For the latter.. back home -- obviously. Where else?”

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clena-gilbcrt:

She adjusted herself on the pillow next to him, turning to face him. “I’m sorry, I’ll do my best to stop looking like a burger,” she laughed. 

“Talking about food is a step backwards,” he continued to tease. Despite his warning, he’s reeling in whatever urge he may have, letting himself get comfortable beside her.

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clena-gilbcrt:

She could see the flicker on his face as he had the same thought she’d had. “I’m not gonna make you sleep in a chair, Kai. Come on, you idiot.” With a laugh she pulled his arm, it was a weak attempt to pull him onto the bed so she could snuggle up next to him - completely innocently of course. “I won’t bite…I mean, you are the vampire.”

“I’m still working on that, you know,” he teased a warning, obeying her playful tug and taking his spot beside her. “So, try to act unappetizing.”

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clena-gilbcrt:

“I get what you mean,” she smiled, “It’s times like these I miss my Mom, she was so good with these kinds of things. Always so optimistic and made it seem like there was nothing wrong,” she sighed. No matter how many years passed, no matter what she went through or what she felt for people nothing would dull the ache she felt at the loss of her parents, Jenna and John. They were her whole world, and with them gone she had to step up and be the hopeful one…something that was difficult in times like these. “I’m so tired,” she sighed, leaning back into the soft pillows with a yawn. “Please don’t leave me?” She asked, her wide eyes looking up at him.

He felt like he could finally breathe when she admitted to being tired. It would be a lie if he said he didn’t feel a little drained as well. She looked better, though, and she was safe here in her home. Even if she hadn’t asked, or hadn’t want him to, he had to intention to leave her -- but the way she said it made his brow tighten. “Like... back to the chair?” he asked. To watch over her. With everything, he didn’t know why he let himself entertain the idea that he would lie there with her. Innocently, but he digressed.

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clena-gilbcrt:

“Maybe you should just talk to her? And get an answer for sure. It does nobody any good just sitting in this limbo - and we know more than a bit about that,” she smiled reassuringly at him. Her smile faltered when he continued speaking, “You can’t believe that’s why I’m in love you? I love you because of who you are, Kai. You’re not broken, there’s nothing for me to fix…you’re just you. Whatever you think is wrong inside of you isn’t wrong at all, it’s special. Just like you.” She meant every word, of course he had a dark past but so did she. The mention of kids caught her off guard, she hadn’t considered the fact he was a vampire and she a human, but then it hadn’t stopped her before. “I don’t want to think about that, all that matters to me is the here and now. And right now I want nothing more than to be with you.” She couldn’t believe she was saying the words, “If we’ve learned anything about living in this town, it’s that nothing is impossible. I mean, look at Elijah and Katherine.” It was a strange topic given the current situation of their relationship, “It doesn’t even matter. I don’t care about kids or the fact that I’ll be a shriveled up raisin and you’ll still look like a movie star. All I care about is you.”

“I want to,” he agreed, though he didn’t seem quite convinced. “I’m afraid to push her. Not because I think it’ll affect her decision, but because.. I don’t want to have to put her through that?  Does that make sense?” Forever working on trying to understand his feelings. He expected her to counter his claims, but he wasn’t as prepared as he had lead himself to believe. Nothing more. He was still fairly numb because of the whole Bonnie and Enzo thing, and what had happened between her and Lucien. Truth was, the reality of the situation hadn’t fully set in, and it was still having trouble breaking through the Kai Parker patented wall. It was plain on his face that he was having trouble processing everything; a blank stare, a neutral expression.

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clena-gilbcrt:

“I suppose there are,” she laughed, already sounding much better as his blood ran through her system and healed any ailments she had. “I am sorry Kai, truly. I know exactly the position she’s in, I’ve been there when Damon came back to life and I was with Liam. Granted, I had my memories erased of him but the emotions were still under the surface. It’s hard when you love more than one person, no matter the circumstances. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.” She sat back from their hug, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “It will be okay, Kai. I promise.”

Her laugh was a short-lived reprieve. “That’s the worst of it. Part of me just wants her to choose so she’s not suffering anymore, even if it’s not me.” It was the in between that was like a weight on him. Pressure, weighing him down, plaguing his thoughts. Like he was supposed to do something, but was trapped; bound to the floor by the chains. “You don’t want to be in love with me, Elena. I’m not Damon. I’m not.. a work in progress. I’m broken -- I was born broken. Something inside of me is all wrong. My coven’s magic even rejected me.” He knew it was unfair to say it the way he did. He knew better than to think she was out to fix him, but there was something to be said about the contrast with him and the Salvatore. “And I’m immortal. I will never have kids, never should. The list literally goes on. Not that logic works with things like this, but please, appreciate my effort?” 

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clena-gilbcrt:

“I’m sorry. I had no idea,” when she had been kidnapped she knew things were a bit rocky for them, but she figured they’d made up while she’d been gone. “I thought you two would have fixed things. It’s been weeks since he came back. I’m sorry Kai, I’m so sorry I haven’t been here for you,” she leaned across and pulled him into a hug. “I’ve just added to your mess, and it’s the last thing you need right now.”

“There are worst things than Elena Gilbert being in love with you,” he offered, letting his arms envelop her loosely. “I don’t know if there is any fixing it. I mean.. if she was going to pick me, she would’ve already, wouldn’t she?” He didn’t want to say it, but, “We know Bonnie. Those eighteen years were for you as much as they were for me. And even if you weren’t in the picture?  She does better with those kind of goals. It keeps her grounded. So, I don’t even have that to prove to myself that her feelings for me are the real thing anymore. What’s eighteen years for me if she would wait more for Enzo?  How much longer?  A century?  He died, Elena -- they didn’t fall out of love. Their relationship puts whatever time she and I had to shame, and I’m stuck. It hurts, like hell.”

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clena-gilbcrt:

She had expected him to be shocked, so she just nodded in understanding. “I know…I understand.” It was a lot to take in, and so quickly too. But if she had learned one thing from her complicated but short life on this earth, it was that there was never time to waste. Life was too short - at least it was for her. “I can feel a but coming in there soon. So let me do it for you,” It was expected, she wasn’t naive enough to believe he  could ever feel the same way, “but you’re engaged to my best friend, you two have an eternity stretched out ahead of you. I get it. It kills me. But I get it. All I want is for you to be happy, even if it’s with someone else.”

“But the life I wanted, the life I thought I had, it’s slipping away from me. Feelings, like the ones you have for me, are ruining that. Bonnie still loves Enzo. I haven’t talked to her in days because that’s what she wanted.” It wasn’t an excuse to entertain her confession, but he wasn’t going to let her pain this picture of a perfect life she clearly thought she was butting into. “I’m not in a good place for any of this, but that’s not because of you. Everything’s already a mess.” 

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clena-gilbcrt:

“Kai,” she sighed, “I might wish I didn’t….but I do. The way I feel about you, I don’t think even the strongest compulsion couldn’t take that away,” it wasn’t factual but the sentiment was true, “I don’t want you to take it away from me…the way I feel when I see your face. It’s so different to anything I’ve felt before and I don’t want to lose that feeling. I wish I didn’t because it’s too complicated, and it would hurt so many people. But despite all the pain it’ll cause, I don’t want to give up what I feel for you because it’s love, Kai. I love you.”

He’s just staring at her. There wasn’t much else he could do, or thought to do. Was there a correct response?  Was he missing something important?  “I.. I don’t know what to say,” he finally blurted out. Everything was happening so fast, so suddenly. One minute he’s preparing to live the rest of his immortal life with Bonnie Bennett, and the next, he’s lost her to a man they thought to be dead. And his friend, a person he would consider his closest, was confessing her love to him. He didn’t know what he felt, because he was never good at reading that. It was overwhelming. “I care about you, a lot. I do. When I got your call, I was devastated. It destroyed me.” 

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clena-gilbcrt:

She took his hand and guided his finger to her lips, gently placing a soft kiss on it and drawing some of the blood. It tasted as foul as it always had, like rust, but she instantly felt less tired and sore. “I don’t know, Kai. I wish I could tell you why.” She sighed herself, still holding his hand. “I wish I didn’t.”

He’s watching her closely, carefully, needing to know if it helped in any way. The intimacy of the action, completely lost on him. When she said she wished she didn’t, there was a moment when Kai felt defeated -- hurt, even. All he heard was that she wouldn’t want to love Kai Parker. A reasonable stance, but there was something about it, thinking that she felt that way, that affected him. “I can take it away,” he suggest softly, feeling small in that moment. “It won’t be like last time. I’ll still be your best friend -- always.”

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clena-gilbcrt:

“Just a bit,” it was probably a risk, given that it could essentially result in her becoming a vampire again if she died - if it worked that way. Maybe now she would just die, vampire blood or not. She wasn’t exactly in a rush to find out. Of course he’d see through her, her lies were more transparent than glass, “Kai…I can’t.” The words escaped her, “What is there to say?”

Baring his fangs, he broke the skin of his index finger before offering his hand toward her. “If it can help,” he encouraged. He gave her a frown, a brief lapse in his expression. “I don’t know. I don’t know how this works.” He sighed. “Do you know the why?”

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clena-gilbcrt:

“I guess I can, he must have taken The Cure from me before he tortured me…that’s why his blood healed me,” she saw the image of him with the vials full of her blood, countless vials full of the one thing that could turn a vampire human again. When he moved to the bed she sat up more, leaning on her pillows, “It isn’t your fault Kai…” The mention of what she had needed to tell him caught her off guard, “I don’t remember,” she lied terribly, but it was better than the humiliating truth.

“Would you take some of mine?  Just for right now.” It was his initial thought before he remembered the cure; her incapability of keeping the blood down. Give her a boost before they could nurse her back to one hundred percent. He read her lie like a glaring red sign, and he considered taking the opportunity she so desperately wanted to provide. “I do,” he contrasted her statement, “And I think we probably.. need to talk about it.”

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clena-gilbcrt:

Her hand came to her throat, “I remember he - He fed on me…” There were flashes of him asking her for information, compelling her, breaking her bones then healing her with his blood. “It was like torture,” her eyes filled with tears, “It was horrible.” The it hit her like a weight dropping on her heart as she remembered what he had done to her, “He drained my blood, he drained all of the cure from my system.”

There it was. The reason, whether it was his motive from the start or not. “Can vampire blood heal you now?” Kai felt that information was the most useful in that moment. In an impulsive lapse of judgement, he moved from the chair and onto the bed beside her. It took him a moment, but then he said, “I’m sorry this happened to you. And there was something else. Something you said to me when I found you.” A pause. “Something you wanted to tell me over the phone.”

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clena-gilbcrt:

“Well I’m nice and toasty now,” she smirked, it still filled her with a sense of pride to see him so caring. She’d always believed in him, since they’d first met she knew he had light in him…and now he was everything she knew he could be. “Another vampire? How? I don’t remember you bringing me back here…”

There was not fighting the little smile he wore when she said she was toasty. “She knew enough about Lucien, knew his movements. She quickly became invested in your case when I met her. Bleeding heart, that one.” When she mentioned she didn’t remember, however, the smile started to fade. “You don’t?” His brow knotted gently. “What do you remember?”