( * & . — SCANDAL SENTENCE STARTERS .
‘ a lady never gets drunk. ’
‘ and yes, i do love you. no matter what. i have always loved you. no matter what. ’
‘ are you still getting married? ’
‘ as long as she’s alive, well, she’s your flaw. your achilles heel. which makes her my weapon. ’
‘ buying into the delusion that there’s any way to live together, to get through an entire life together, that’s… well, that’s the fantasy. that’s pretending. ’
‘ call my bluff. i dare you. ’
‘ come back to me. forgive me. i love you. ’
‘ do not tell me what i have to do. you don’t get to do that anymore. ’
‘ do you not understand that when the monster gets hungry, he will turn around and eat you? ’
‘ do you want me to get married? ’
‘ do you want me to thank you? thank you for saving me from my sad little suicide attempt? ’
‘ does it bother you at all? all the lies and pretending? and that’s not an accusation cause i do it too and i do it well. ’
‘ don’t insult me by lying to my face. ’
‘ don’t patronize me like i’m some hysterical teenage girl at the beginning of my cycle. ’
‘ for a screw up, you’re actually very bright. ’
‘ frankly, it’s embarrassing that you still haven’t realized, after all this time, that if we were together – actually together – i would tear right through you. ’
‘ girls like to be kissed first, right? romance them a little before you dive right into their pants? ’
‘ go screw yourself. and when you’re done with that, you can go straight to hell and screw yourself there. ’
‘ he has a weakness. if i exploit it, maybe i can get information out of him. ’
‘ he is who i choose. he is who i will always choose. you are just a lesser version of him, a sad reminder of who i truly deserve. ’
‘ how does someone as brilliant, as accomplished as you, not know what you are, who you are? ’
‘ i am better than you. ’
‘ i am not some man acting out of rage and then thinking later. i am a woman. ’
‘ i am not some toy you can play with when you’re bored or lonely or horny. i am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. i am not a fantasy. if you want me, earn me. until then, we are done. ’
‘ i am sick of smiling. i am sick of acting like we’re happy. ’
‘ i am spectacular, but i can’t compete with religious fervor. ’
‘ i am tired of doing everything myself! i am alone here! ’
‘ i asked you to save me… and you said no. ’
‘ i can’t be with you. it’s not that i can’t – i don’t want to. ’
‘ i can’t breathe without you. i can’t sleep without you. ’
‘ i can’t do this… be with you. i can’t be with you. i’m sorry. ’
‘ i could tell you five minutes from now that i want to be with you, that i want to save you… you would crawl back to me and forgive me every single time. ’
‘ i don’t want to marry her. i want to be with you. do you want to be with me? ’
‘ i don’t want us to fight anymore. if you don’t hurt me, i won’t hurt you. ’
‘ i got here because i managed to escape you. ’
‘ i have never left your side. you left mine, but i never left yours. ’
‘ i have spent all this time feeling guilty, feeling like a monster, feeling like i broke us! but it was you! ’
‘ i haven’t had this much fun spending the night with a woman in… hell… ever. ’
‘ i lie in bed every night and i play our relationship over and over again in my head like a movie. we meet. we fall in love. we can’t stop ourselves. we’re meant to be. i give up everything inside of me and then it stops. the movie just stops. i don’t know how it ends. ’
‘ i love you. i’m in love with you. you are the love of my life. ’
‘ i love you. i’m in love with you. you are the love of my life. my every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. i can’t breathe without you, i can’t sleep without you. i wait for you, i watch for you. i exist for you. ’
‘ i may not be able to control my erections around you, but that does not mean i want you. ’
‘ i think you believe that i will never choose you. ’
‘ i thought, hey! let’s get some estrogen in here and see what happens! ’
‘ i wait for you, i watch for you. ’
‘ i want us to stand in the sun together. ’
‘ i wasn’t thinking about you. i don’t think about you. ’
‘ i will open up our closet and i will pull out our dirty laundry to the world. i am that tired. ’
‘ i will slit his throat. if he learns that i’m the one who made you break his heart, that too will force me to slit his throat. ’
‘ i wish we’d never met, but we did. and i tried… i tried and failed. and tried and failed again to hide – to stop loving him. but i couldn’t. i was weak. i hated myself. ’
‘ i would never try to kill you. ’
‘ if i only went where i was welcomed, i would never leave the house. ’
‘ if you knew the sacrifices i have made, the things i have given up, and the pieces of myself that i have given away for you… and you treat me this way? you declare war on me and you shame me and you make me beg for scraps when i have done nothing but fight for you. ’
‘ if you want me, earn me! ’
‘ it hurts until it doesn’t. you think it’s going to break you, but it won’t. you may not sleep as well at night, but you will be fine. numb, but numb and fine are the same. ’
‘ it’s a gesture. it means i’m sorry. people get coffee when they’re sorry… i can get you tea instead. ’
‘ it’s because you found your precious (name here) doesn’t have the secrets of the universe tucked between her magical thighs – that she’s just a person like everyone else and that she’s capable of using you like everyone else. ’
‘ it’s my turn! he suffers. he hurts. he burns. i’m tired of carrying the cross. let him pick it up now. ’
‘ it’s you. you’re difficult. ’
‘ i’d lose… our little war. i’d lose. ’
‘ i’m damaged. she doesn’t like to yell at me. ’
‘ i’m done. i told you we’re done. we’re over. ’
‘ i’m just a twisted sociopath who gets what she wants no matter who gets bulldozed along the way. ’
‘ i’m playing the game and i’m playing it better than anyone. ’
‘ i’ve gone from being his bitch to being yours. ’
‘ leave me be. leave me be! ’
‘ let’s not pretend we’re something we’re not. ’
‘ life is unfortunate. random. coincidental. bad things happen to good people all the time. ’
‘ marriage can wreak havoc on a person. ’
‘ mediocrity is not an option for me. i don’t want that and neither should you. ’
‘ monsters eat people. it’s what we do. ’
‘ my every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. ’
‘ oh, look. it’s the girl who can’t shut her legs or her mouth. ’
‘ one, i am not a hen. two, i am not a prize at a state fair. you cannot win me! ’
‘ please stop. please stop getting my hopes up. ’
‘ pretending is what’s real. every married couple alive pretends. ’
‘ put another glass of scotch on top of it and just deal with it. ’
‘ screw as many whores as you want. i wouldn’t expect anything less. ’
‘ she’s not my mistress anymore, so buck up. you won. ’
‘ she’s perfect, but she’s not you. ’
‘ she’s perfect. but she’s not you. ’
‘ so cheers, baby. drink up. i live to fight another day. ’
‘ so, you can cheat and i can’t? is that it? well, that is one hell of a double standard. ’
‘ stock your damn fridge. if i’m going to be your fake boyfriend all day, i’m going to come home at the end of it and drink real beer and eat real food. ’
‘ the only difference is that i’m in love with you. some people would call that a defect. ’
‘ the plan is to find him, and when i do, i’m going to look him in the eye and put a bullet in his head. ’
‘ the truth of the matter is that i will never love anyone as much as i love you. ’
‘ the truth of the matter is that i will never love anyone as much as i love you. you have never chosen me. we’ve done horrible things to one another, but for some reason, i still end up here in front of you… looking at you. wanting you. in love with you. ’
‘ there is a famine in my lady bits. my vagina is beautiful, she is welcoming, but she is being treated like a murder house. i can’t get anything in there. ’
‘ there’s no gratitude in parenting. i don’t know why we do it. ’
‘ this is amazing. she has actually managed to go from being a slut, to being an every-woman, to being your sister-wife in under 48 hours. i didn’t even know that was possible. ’
‘ time’s up! we’re coming for you! ’
‘ we should’ve locked ourselves in a room together and gotten drunk years ago. ’
‘ well, guess what? you’re alone! the path that you walk is not my path. the shoes that you stand in are not my shoes. we are not equals, nor will we ever be. you are alone. ’
‘ we’re in this together, okay? we have to be in this together because i don’t have anybody else. i don’t. you’re all i have. ’
‘ we’re not ever going to be over. i am never going to be over you. ’
‘ we’ve done horrible things to one another, but for some reason, i still end up here in front of you… looking at you. wanting you. in love with you. ’
‘ what does it feel like to be so hot for someone, to be so turned on by them that you would put everything you ever worked for at risk? does it feel good? is it an amazing high? ’
‘ what, did you think you’d find me drunk and playing russian roulette? ’
‘ what’d you call me? ornamental? not functional? i am a rose dying on a vine here. ’
‘ what’s wrong? what’s wrong? what is wrong? this is my life! that’s what’s wrong! ’
‘ when i was faced with the chance to cheat, i kept my knees together and said no. ’
‘ when you walk in here, you make me hope. ’
‘ you always did know just the right way to hurt me. ’
‘ you are a measly little troll and i don’t like you, and i do not respect you, and i think you’re pathetic. ’
‘ you are the biggest bitch i know. don’t tell me you can’t do this. ’
‘ you are the one i like to ride, but no one will ever ride you like i do. ’
‘ you declare war on me and you shame me and you make me beg for scraps when i have done nothing but fight for you. ’
‘ you do not summon me! ’
‘ you don’t have to love me, but we are in this hell together and the flames are burning both of us with equal intensity, baby, so the least you could do is be my friend. ’
‘ you have never chosen me. ’
‘ you have no idea how my world works. ’
‘ you love me. you love me! ’
‘ you missed out on your happy ending today. ’
‘ you own me! you control me! i belong to you! ’
‘ you put your tongue in my mouth and now i deserve to live? that’s a thing? that’s how it goes? ’
‘ you ruined me. i’m ruined! ’
‘ you should know – i hope you know – i did my best for you. i take tremendous pride in who you have become. ’
‘ you should never apologize for being you. ’
‘ you should’ve never given me someone to love. monsters eat people. it’s what we do. ’
‘ you took in a wild monster and you groomed me and petted me and trained me to sit at your feet, but that doesn’t mean i’m a puppy. that just makes me a very loyal monster. so i don’t go too far. i went exactly as far as my leash allows and yo hold the leash. you went too far. ’
‘ you were never an option for me. ’
‘ you! you ruined our relationship! you shut me down. you locked the door. you killed us. ’
‘ you’re an escape, someone to toy with. you’re a yo-yo, a booty call, a side piece. ’
‘ you’re complimenting me. is this some new, genuine way of putting the screws to me? ’
‘ you’re not good enough for me. ’
‘ you’re not ready. and you never will be. ’
‘ you’re not you anymore. you know who you are? you know who you’ve become? you’re your father. ’
‘ you’re one creepy bastard, you know that? ’
‘ you’re ornamental. not functional. so don’t come in here and try to use your brain because no one cares. ’
‘ you’re scared of what we have. of something real. ’
‘ you’re the only one who has always been honest with who you are. ’
‘ you’re weak. you need me too much – need me to tell you what to do and how to feel. you were never an option for me. ’
‘ you’re wrong. i’m not scared. i may be horrible because i’m abandoning you, because i always abandon you, but i’m not scared. not the least bit. ’
( my original version of this meme can be found here. )
