spotify meme: 62 - time and music // a new brain
Songs of surviving. The tsunami coming ashore and your surprise when you open your eyes and you’re still there alive. And you’re still wanting more. You’re grateful for time and music.
He’s snuck in through a backdoor that he’d found usually unlocked back when he’d operated under his cover as a substitute professor. He has only made it as far as the back row, lest the click of his cane give him away. As much as he appreciates the aesthetic, he really hates how much less sneaky it makes him. Still, he’ll take the cane for a few weeks as he continues to heal over the alternative every day.
There had been a time in his life when he might not have cared this much. Don’t get him wrong – he’s never had a death wish or been careless with his life, but adventure used to be the pain priority. Living hard, not long, was where it had been at. As long as he made the most of the days he had and experienced everything he possibly could, he’d been willing to take risks that may not have been the most reasonable.
But times have changed and so have Neal’s priorities. While adventure still calls out to him and he doesn’t always manage to deny its temptation, it’s not everything to him now. When he’d been sat on a dirty floor somewhere on a foreign island with a bullet-hole in his thigh and a target on his forehead wherever he went, his first thought hadn’t been about how the thrill of it all had been worth it. No, all he’d been able to think about was what he’d be missing out on if this was his end. The people he’d been hurting, the stories he’d leave unfinished. He was no longer unattached and had bigger things to concern himself with than his own selfish pleasure.
Dying there would have meant an entirely unsatisfying end to his story and so many upset people in his wake. June, Mozzie, Peter, Elizabeth, Ellen, Sara, Blaine. Before, he’d only had himself to worry about. Only himself to answer to if he made a wrong decision. Now, he felt the responsibility of being attached, of having a family. It cost him some freedom, but it also brought a sense of comfort he’d never experienced before.
So as he sits there now, cane carefully resting against the seat next to him and listens to the piano melody carrying through the room, he doesn’t feel robbed of a great tale to add to the Neal Caffrey Storybook. He doesn’t feel the itch to look for what thrill may be waiting around the next corner. He just feels glad to be back home in one piece and to be among the people he has to admit he loves. There is plenty of explaining and mending to do, but as it turns out now, he has time.
Eyes follow the way Blaine’s fingers dance over the keys, head swaying with it and a smile silently pulls at Neal’s lips. What a shame it would have been to never experience that again. He’s grateful. Grateful for time. Time and music.