Deirdreams

[deirdreamer]

Don't let what's left take over what's right.

[deirdreamer]

Not Your Year

To let the last three months dictate how I feel about 2015 would be unfair. It had a great start: finally doing work that I enjoyed, balancing time with my family, learning a bunch of cool new stuff, actually feeling secure for a while with my then-partner. But a lot of things got out of hand. I let myself drown in work, got carried away and tried to cram everything I wanted to do in such short time. I was so much in a hurry that I didn’t even stop to think about the people in my life who had different paces of their own.

I lived the better half of 2015 like I was constantly running out of time. Then some stuff happened that made it slow down... and well, eventually, stop. Time didn’t mean anything to me anymore in the last couple of months. I was constantly jumping from various points in my life history to all the possible futures that I could think of -- all of them were happening at the exact same time in my head. It was anxiety-inducing. It still is.

I am, however, learning how to deal with it. And I have promised not to push myself too hard next year, not to force myself to do things at a pace that I or people around me cannot handle. People talk about taking giant leaps to reach their goals, but I have to remember to take some things one day at a time. So. Here I am, taking a baby step to tomorrow -- 2016.

[vivatregina]

Hindsight

I always do a year in review post of some sort, but from the outset, I already know it’s going to be difficult to write about 2015, because 2015 was difficult.

This was the year that I left my job. This was the year that I walked out on the publishing industry — my dream since I was 17, the only thing I’ve known. This was the year that I thought I could finally let my guard down and let myself fall for someone — admittedly someone a little ill-advised, but who isn’t, and don’t the slightly ill-advised ones always make life more interesting? — and found out the hard way that I was wrong. This was the year that I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, which didn’t come as a surprise to me, although I’ve been skirting a diagnosis (and psychiatrists) for the better part of a decade. This was the year that I let go — both voluntarily and otherwise — of the last vestiges of everything I once thought I would become, and that’s not an easy thing to do.

You tell yourself when you’re young, “This is who I’m going to be when I grow up.” You grow up, and you become that, and you discover that it’s not what you thought it would be. Then you’re lost, because all your life you’ve been working towards this one thing, and then you have it, and you realize it may not be for you after all.

What is left to dream, when your biggest dream comes true and it isn’t a dream? Who doesn’t come away from that disheartened?

As I’m writing this now, I’m telling myself in my head that people have gone through worse things this year. People have died horribly, people have lost their entire lives senselessly, the world is in crisis; what business do I have, writing from this privileged standpoint, from the warmth of my bed, complaining about how badly I have it when, in fact, I have it so well? I’m living comfortably despite my ‘funemployment,’ my parents are incredibly supportive of both me and all my fledgling recovery plans, I’m always having a good time when I’m not having a bad spell. I have real friends who have stuck by me through all of these personal crises, who stayed my friends even when I stopped being editor and stopped being ‘useful.’ My family is moving to a beautiful new house in a month; I’m getting my dream room. I’m going to Berlin next year and Mom just told me yesterday that maybe I should think about not setting a date on my return flight. I have it so good, and I know it. But another voice says: That’s not the point. It says, that doesn’t invalidate anything you’ve felt or gone through. It says, your having it good doesn’t instantly make it so that you didn’t also have it bad.

It says, you have a right to feel the way you feel. (My shrink says that, too, when I bring it up in our sessions, and I always bring it up in our sessions because I can’t seem to stop feeling guilty for every last thing.)

The hardest thing about 2015 was that it wiped my slate clean. I don’t know who I am, I’m not entirely sure where I’m going, or where I’m going to be in the next few years, and that’s fine when you’re fresh out of college, but when you’re nearing your thirties like I am, it’s a terrifying prospect. You’re supposed to have your shit together by this age, or at least that’s what everyone else makes it seem like. I have failed miserably at that despite having all the tools at my disposal to succeed. Despite having already succeeded.

And now here I am trying to cobble together a new face. Trying to build myself again from almost nothing, unsure of the form I will ultimately take, and unsure if it will be better than the one I have shed.

I feel like a child, and I am not afraid to admit that I’m afraid. I feel like I’m standing on a precipice, looking out into darkness with the knowledge that the only way out is through — the only way out is to jump, regardless of what’s waiting ahead of me, because while I’m not certain about what is coming, I am certain that I cannot go back.

What is left to dream?

New dreams, I guess. New dreams. I don’t know what they are yet, and I’m scared, but I’m hopeful that 2016 will give me that. A different perspective. An altered view of the world. New dreams, new goals to aspire for and work towards that I just can’t see right now because they’re still shrouded in that darkness, because I’m not ready for them at this point in my life.

But I hope that 2016 is the year that I will be. And that’s all I can do right now. Hope. And that’s enough.

I’ve kept this Tumblr running since 2009. It’s a little surreal but despite my years in publishing, it’s always this blog that comes back to me, it’s the things I’ve written here that people have approached me about. And you have no idea how much that has meant to me, because this is — was — my outlet. I’ve been mostly unfiltered here for the better part of five or six years; this is myself as myself. That it has been helpful in some way or another to complete strangers, that it has been related to, that it has been appreciated; I don’t have the words apart from thank you.

But I’ve been thinking for quite some time now that maybe the time is finally right to close this public chapter of my life, and 2016 seems like as good a time as any. So this will be my last post here. I may pop up again elsewhere, and I’m not going anywhere on Instagram, but this, this particular story, I feel, has come to its natural end. Thank you for being with me on this leg of my journey.

[deirdreamer]

Such a brave move by such a brave woman.

[deirdreamer]

the rules are: make your aesthetic (based off of your personality and interests) with only photos that you have saved to your device! you cannot search and download any items until you are done!

tagged by decibelles

tagging jelliedfish lucenteventide abbeylieve psychophoenix iwanttowriteforalivingdad smikatoots deinosaur centimeters albb

[deirdreamer]

Hi, folks!

I know, I know… I haven’t posted in four months. And although I don’t really have to explain myself since this is my blog after all (and I get to update it anytime I want), I feel like sharing why I haven’t had the time to sit down and write. Now, this is going to be more of a laundry list of things I plan to write about in the coming weeks because this (sort of) online diary really has to catch up with everything that has been going on in my life so far and for that, I apologize. This post is so skip-able but I couldn’t think of a better way to segue to the beginning of dated posts, which cover the following things:

My birthday roadtrip to Pagudpud, passing by my favorite places in the North

A couple of my shots from photoshoots I had to do for work

More baking experiments

Preparing my own packed lunch to trick myself into thinking I still have control over some things in my life

My recent staycation in Binondo, eating my way through Filipino-Chinese culture

Other things keeping me busy right now: MedGrocer, Sisig Society, upcoming trip to Japan with one of my best friends, etc.

So do stay tuned for those posts! Hopefully it won’t take me another four months before I start posting useful stuff again.

[deirdreamer]

I've been a follower for months now and I've been meaning to ask you this: how did you cope with your parent's separation? My parents are in the process of going through divorce and I don't know how to deal with it I feel like my life is falling apart

Hello, darling! Sorry I’m attending to this just now :(

First off, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My friends never really knew what to say to me when I was going through the same thing and now I understand why: there’s nothing anyone can say that can revert what’s happening between your parents.

Coping with it is kind of a long process, one that took me more than 6 years to really get over. The legal process of annulment of their marriage took almost 3 years (completed a couple of months ago) and by then I was pretty okay with it because of the extra years of adjusting prior to the filing for separation.

Now I’m guessing the divorce took you by surprise, as you feel like your life is falling apart – that’s how I felt when my parents first opened up to me about their marriage problems when I was 15. What I did to cope with that was a mix of desensitization and distraction.

When I talked to my parents, I kept asking them about why things were going the way they were and I tried to see it from their perspectives. I didn’t shut them out of my life; I heard them out as much as possible. It’s a slow process and, I’m not going to lie to you, it hurt like hell, but eventually I found my way to understanding what led them to such a decision. It took a LOT of maturity for me to set aside the anger and disappointment, but I want you to know that you shouldn’t stop yourself from feeling those things if you do – even I still feel negative emotions up to this day. I set them aside mostly when I talk to either of them because it allows me to keep an open mind about the situation, but I never forget that I am 100% allowed to feel this way. As the eldest, I also had to make sure I talked to my siblings about what they were feeling: my sister felt betrayed, and my brother felt the need to either blame himself or my mother.

Anywaaaaaaay the point is I basically drowned myself in everything about the whole separation until I finally reached that point where I can be chill talking about it now. You know you’re there when you no longer find yourself in tears when talking about it with people you love and trust.

Also, because I had the convenience of staying away from our home for the last 5 years, it was pretty easy for me to distract myself from what was going on. I didn’t let it consume my life so I was still able to focus on my studies, meet new friends, concentrate on my interests, etc. I guess what’s important for you to survive the whole thing is to not lose yourself in the process of the divorce. This was difficult for me because I’m kind of a family-centered person, but the good news is that I didn’t lose that part of me either despite the separation. If there’s anything you’ll allow this to change in you, make sure it’s to make you a better and stronger person. I fought to rise above the depression it brought me by fixating on the kind of person I would be by the end of it, and that really helped. It wasn’t so much a positive outlook, but a neutral one that allowed me to maintain decent relationships with both my parents.

I hope this helps in any way. The wounds never fully heal but you can learn to live with them. I can’t promise that it won’t hurt when you accidentally pull on the stitches from time to time, but the important part is they’re closed and cannot get any worse.

P.S. I have a disqus on my blog so you can comment anonymously on this post if you want to keep this conversation going. I would love to be able to talk you through this. Hang in there!

[deirdreamer]

On Wanting To Be 21 Forever 

When I turned 21 last year, it wasn't that big of a deal. Everything felt exactly the same and the first couple of months weren't really special. Sure, I just graduated from college and I landed my first job, but nothing actually struck me that made me go "wow so this is what 21 feels like!!!?". I didn't get what the big deal was about the first official year in your twenties (yes, because "twenteen" doesn't count -- everyone practically still acts like a teenager anyway). 

But I just turned 22 last month and it took me an entire year to understand it, but 21 is indeed a significant age. It's basically the youngest you'll ever be allowed to be; you may have bills and a ton of expenses but you may still able to get away with the recklessness because damn it, you're fresh out of college and temporarily excused from being a fully-pledged adult. Of course there are responsibilities that come with the age but the expectations are actually quite low if you think about it. Go schedule that vacation, buy that impractical piece of furniture, eat expensive steak for dinner... no one's gonna be on your case about it because you don't necessarily have to save up for any major life stuff yet. You have this magical license to be as careless as you want to be because anything you do can be easily forgiven, especially when you play the "I'm just trying to enjoy it while I can" card.

21 is the peak of your youth. If you haven't found your identity yet, this is probably the age to go look for it. I guess that's why people would let you off the hook for doing such impulsive things; you're just in that I'm-trying-everything-so-I-can-figure-out-what-I-want-in-life phase. And it's sort of a prerequisite to moving forward.

21 is such a beautiful transition age and perhaps that's why people would want to be 21 forever. I mean, I would love to stay 21 for another year. Maybe I'm not ready to own up to what I've discovered about myself and maybe I still want to get away with my crazy decisions. Or maybe I just enjoy being as young as I am now (it's actually weird how I now fear getting older each year! Imagine, I used to be part of the demographic that couldn't wait to get rid of the -teen suffix).

Then again, who ever said that personal growth had to slow down after 21? 22 isn't a completely different age, and we have Taylor Swift to vouch for that.

[deirdreamer]

Why I Don’t Regret Joining A Startup

I can't believe it's been a year since I graduated from college! I guess this means I won't be considered a "fresh graduate" anymore because a new batch will be going through a transition period of soul-searching and job-hunting. That said, I figured that this was a good time to talk about the major career decisions I had to make in the past year. I wanted to impart some lessons I've learned and discuss the things I've discovered about myself and the real world so that the next set of fresh grads can take them into consideration when deciding on what to do after graduation.

So before anything, just a quick recap of when I was in those shoes: I was offered a nice job even before I was handed a diploma, and I quickly accepted (I didn't know what else was out there for me, and it seemed like a comfortable way to try out HR while earning a fine salary). And well, we all know how that turned out after a couple of months so I was back to job hunting. I knew better that second time around -- I knew what kind of work I didn't enjoy and what type of environment wouldn't help me develop the skills I wanted to develop.

I wanted a marketing role and I wanted to join a company where my efforts would visibly affect the group's growth. I wanted coworkers who would be able to embrace my tendencies to be a focused introvert or a really chatty smart-ass. I wanted bosses who I would ultimately respect because of their achievements and not because of their seniority. Basically, I wanted so many things and I wasn't even sure if they were possible, but I went right ahead and attended interviews, openly expressed the kind of person that I am, and quietly watched out for what I wanted.

After about a month of job hunting, I was able to narrow my choices down to two (I had to be brave enough to immediately say "no" to offers that I knew weren't gonna make me happy). One was a management trainee position in a Hong Kong IT company, and my main responsibility was to market an app they were working on. Another was a marketing role for a home-grown company managing three food concepts and launching another concept soon. Of course, both opportunities had their pros and cons: the MT position would allow me to travel to HK, UK, etc for work but involved tasks that would utilize my (nonexistent) people skills more, while the other would allow me to be creative and analytical at the same time but it felt risky working for a young company. In the end, I chose the latter primarily because they were working on a concept that was close to what I wanted to work on in the long run.

Fast forward to four months later where not even a little bit of myself regrets the decision I made then. And to be perfectly honest, I'm a bit surprised. Job satisfaction wasn't something I expected; I figured I would be bored or tired or, worse, empty by now -- y'know, the usual things people feel when they're corporate slaves fooling themselves into believing that they're making a positive impact on the economy or something. Then it hit me: I'm not just another drone working for a corporation; I don't go to work in the morning only to wait for the hours to pass so I can go home and repeat the process again the next day. I'm part of a startup(-ish) company and that, I think, makes all the difference.

So anyway, long story short, and for some folks who would prefer I would go right ahead and make an easier to read and digest version of this post, here goes:

3 Reasons to Work for a Startup

1) It's the perfect environment for aspiring millennials; it's both challenging and accommodating.

Just to get this out in the open already: startups have a limited budget to work with. This means that they don't have the resources to hire people who 1) bring too little to the table and 2) are too specialized in a field already to be flexible. So what does this mean for millennials? Well, for one, startups motivate you to shine -- you come in as a diamond in the rough but under the competitive pressure (and I say this in the non-traditional sense! Don't picture people dragging each other down, but imagine being surrounded by A+ students and all you want to do is prove that you can get an A+ too), you can come out feeling like you can cut through anything life throws at you.

This also means that startups prefer people who are jack of all trades (Millennials) than those who are master of one (most people from Gen X). This is a big deal for me because it doesn't limit my contribution to the company. A huge chunk of my satisfaction right now is actually drawn from the fact that I get to utilize my HR background (I'm so grateful that my 5 months at my first job didn't go to waste) and my publicity and promotions experience from college. I'm given the freedom to do interviews and photoshoots and to manage special projects -- which are all things I enjoy doing, but unfortunately fall under the responsibilities of different departments in a conservative corporation. Luckily, my bosses are very accommodating of my skills and of the things I want to try out. In fact, my job description and responsibilities change every couple of weeks! (And this is definitely a good thing if you're looking to beef up your resume.) Startups are just so flexible that way.

2) It encourages quality relationships with bosses and coworkers.

Another thing you need to know about startups is most of them don't have enough people to fill up a complex organizational chart. I currently don't report to a team lead or supervisor or head who then reports to another name in a box on a chart; instead, I have one-on-one meetings every week with one of the owners of the company. I get to talk to the managing director, who happens to be in-charge of marketing, about stuff I want to post on the concepts' Facebook pages or the props I want to buy for our photoshoots. From time to time, she coaches me through some marketing concepts I still need to understand (after all, I'm no business ad or management graduate) and she tells me stories about her previous job that I can use as learning points. During another day of the week, I meet with another boss to discuss the special project I'm working on. Around once a month, we get to talk about my personal career development plan; we look at what my strengths are and where I can utilize them more. I take comfort in the fact that my bosses care about my growth as much as the company's.

I guess you folks might think this is just good practice of the open door policy, but it's more than that because don't even have doors. The layout of our office is so open that we can see our bosses working at their desks just a couple of meters away from ours. The floor plan allows open communication between the employees that one can even hear the marketing team laugh and talk about other restaurants' campaigns. It's so damn open that people from across the room are invited to laugh along with us. It's gets crazy sometimes but this is where harmony in the workplace starts.

3) It's fulfilling.

I'll admit that it's not the most financially rewarding opportunity out there, but working for a startup is more worthwhile than sitting at a desk and pretending to be of use until the clock strikes 5. I draw satisfaction from the fact that I'm making an effort to be the best I can possibly be and that I’m not wasting my time at a job that isn't even meaningful for me. Now this may differ from startup to startup and from person to person, but working on a project that is of personal value doesn't even feel like work sometimes. The money is still there, of course, but the fulfillment from doing something of impact is a lovely bonus that not everyone can take home as a reward. 

Industries keep evolving and conservative companies can't adjust as quickly as startups do. Working for a startup taught me to be quick on my feet and to not be too comfortable with any trends that exist at the moment because they'll be different by next week. I learned how to change swiftly and to adapt to different conditions, but more than that, I also learned how to inspire changes and prompt improvements. I get to create my own trends and developments not only inside the company but also for an entire industry. And for me, that's the most gratifying part of being in a startup; when the inevitable happens and the company grows, the environment and the relationships might change, but the fulfillment you get from contributing innovations to this fast-changing world will still be there to push you to get up in the morning and fight on.

[deirdreamer]

I know this is loooong overdue, but hi anon! I didn’t ignore this question, it just took me a while to compose my response :)

I mean, of course I have my reasons for quitting -- both official and unofficial reasons -- but the lessons I learned were ones that had to be put into perspective first before I share them with the world. And now that I’m in this completely different career path from my first job, I think I now have a better understanding of what didn’t fit. So here it is:

What I Learned From My First Job and Why I Left

1) People skills are required.

I took an HR job and I obviously missed the memo that one had to be a people person to fit in. I’m not exactly the most agreeable person so it’s no surprise that I didn’t find anyone I could get along with nicely until one of my college friends joined our team. Things were easier when I had someone to eat lunch with (I often preferred eating at my desk with minimal human interaction) because I learned how to be less of a snob and be more of a friend.

Unfortunately, I was (probably still am) the type of person who didn't return greetings like "good morning" and didn't go around trying to make small talk with people I couldn't really tolerate. As a result, I think I became one of those people in the office that only a few got along with. And to be honest, that was completely fine by me. It was just that I felt like if I didn't graduate from where I graduated and if I didn't perform the way I performed, I would have been easily passed up for better opportunities.

The point here is you should NOT BE LIKE ME. I didn't bother fixing this because I didn't plan to stay in HR or in the company anyway. But if you like where you are now and who you’re with, I suggest you make the extra effort to not just tolerate the people you work with/for, but also to be a decent human being. I'm not saying that you should be 'plastic' or that you should force yourself to be friendly (which is especially difficult for introverts like me), but perhaps be careful about how you treat people because you'll never know how a short interaction or small gesture can affect your career.

2) Ideals are (sort of) for the naive, but give you something to work for.

I was able to live with the HR job for a while because I initially believed that I could help a lot of people get jobs and make their working life somewhat easier. It only took me a couple of weeks to realize that it wasn't gonna work that way; I was rejecting so many people -- people who traveled miles and miles away from their home just to take an exam. It used to break my heart turning down hopeful applicants but I eventually got used to it and became sort of numb about the entire thing (probably even made me more cynical that I used to be).

However, this eventually led to me not caring so much about my job anymore. I felt like I wasn't really making a difference anyway and I realized that the system was always gonna be that way. I guess my point here is that if I still believed in my reason for joining in the first place, I wouldn't have been demotivated and I wouldn't have left. 

3) Appearances aren’t everything, but still make up 3/4 of your total confidence.

I never really understood the value of wearing make-up on a daily basis until I started working. On top of that, I liked wearing basically the same ten items of clothing again and again. So obviously being part HR (the first department employees face when they join the company) challenged me to change the way I carried myself. My boss even used to remind me to wear make-up because I looked pale :))

I grew conscious so I made efforts to wear contact lens and dress appropriately. I eventually got tired of it though, so I started wearing my glasses in the office more often and wore clothes that were more comfortable but only looked passable for work. This made me more relaxed, but also made me feel less confident about myself because I interviewed applicants who were dressed better than I was, and stood in the elevator with people who seemed to master the art of power-dressing.

Anyway, it didn't take me long (well, maybe it did) to realize that there are merits to the whole corporate attire requirement. Looking professional on the outside made me feel more professional from the inside; it kinda gave me the power and confidence boost I needed to get through some days.

4) The corporate life isn’t for everyone.

I work for a start-up(-ish) company right now and things are so different! I guess the contrast is so stark now that I'm in a new environment, but even before the new job, I have already decided that the corporate life wasn't for me (at least for now). I learned that working for a big company meant that all my efforts can actually be reduced to a single ripple in a vast ocean. I felt like a replaceable part in a well-oiled machine and I did not like that at all. I happen to work better when I'm able to see what my contribution yields, when I'm able to quantify just how much I help the organization grow.

I'm NOT saying that being an employee for a corporation is entirely bad though, I'm just saying that it might not be the perfect work setting for everyone. I actually encourage all you youngins to try it out first -- either through an internship or through employment. The sooner you figure this out though, the happier you could be with your career path :)

[deirdreamer]

tagged by the lovely decibelles! :)

THINGS I LOVE RIGHT NOW

One Song

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

Two Movies

The Last Five Years

The Imitation Game

Three TV Shows

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Selfie (someone please resurrect this show!)

The OC (been feeling nostalgic lately)

Four People

My house elf <3

My sister

Ingrid, one of my best friends

Chelsea Fagan (because of her tweets obvs)

Five Foods

Steak by The Boyfriend

Burgers by The Boyfriend

Mushroom Tofu Sisig at Sisig Society

Shio Ramen and Fried Salmon Set Meal at Hokkaido Ramen Santouka

Chicken Pastel Empanada from the Starbucks near the office

Six People to Tag

jelliedfish

findinglenity

abbeylieve

brentstevenbueno

kezianthology

centimeters

[deirdreamer]

favorite jily fanfics???

Hi, anon! I’m so sorry it took me a while to reply :( I didn’t get notified when you sent this ask before the weekend and I would have spent more time coming up with a better list than this but it’s a Monday and I obviously don’t have enough time to really dig through my favorites but off the top of my head:

Farrago by B.C Daily - drabbles. link is to one of my favorite chapters!

Realising by B.C Daily - absolutely loved the dialogue on this one <3

That Elusive Aha Moment by Wilhelmina Willoughby - more flufffff

Amortentia by jamesstruttingpotter - i’ve read quite a lot of amortentia-themed fanfic but this one wins it for me because it’s short and sweet

(I swear I recently read a nice one about James discovering that Lily’s patronus was a doe and I’ve been trying to look for it for the past hour but it’s nowhere to be found :( but I swear this exists somewhere!)

Meet the Mother by PenonPaperFingersonKeys - one-shot that is just way too cute to not recommend! (don’t go for chapter 2, the first one’s enough)

UGH I have more but I just don’t have the time to track them all down right now :(( if these aren’t enough, just read more stuff from the four authors I’ve linked!

And to my friends who are reading this who would love to join me be an emotional wreck over Jily, just scroll through the jily tag on tumblr because the Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Karen Gillan gif sets are so perfect <3

[I can’t believe I actually have a request for fic rec??? #tumblrmilestone!!!]

[deirdreamer]

Hello! Been dropping by your blog for years now. Great posts. By the way, you have a new job now? What have you been up to?

.

Hi! First off, thank you so much for dropping by! It means a lot that this blog still gets a bit of action every once in a while :)

I’ve been getting a lot of “where do you work now?” messages from anons for the past couple of months and I guess I can’t evade the topic any longer. I wanted to write a decent text post about it, but haven’t gotten around to it yet :)) so I figured I should address the topic casually like through my inbox?

A photo posted by Deirdre Remida Conde (@deirdreamer) on Mar 7, 2015 at 12:27am PST

So right now, I’m an associate marketing manager for the company that owns three food concepts (Adobo Connection, Chopstop, and Sisig Society) and this really amazing (BUT SECRET — for now) online concept. What I’m doing at work now’s just mostly digital marketing for the food concepts, but the bulk of my responsibilities is on the online concept where I’m managing most of the things that have to be done so we could launch within the year. It’s all very exciting and fast-paced at the moment and I wish I could give some more details soon!

Work basically allows me to do things that are in my comfort zone (like next week, I’ll do art direction/food styling and a bit of shooting for the food concepts’ PR photos), but also challenges me to stretch my creative limits and to do some of the dirty work (or what feels like gritty work!) I’m actively being coached by my bosses and co-workers so everyday is a learning experience!

To be honest, I have so much to say about my new job right now, but I’ll save that for a later post, so I hope you drop by again! Thanks for the question :)

[deirdreamer]

Deirdre Reviews Baguio, A Masterpost

Hi, everyone! Just wanted to list down most of the places I visited in Baguio when I went home for the holidays. If any of you would want to keep this list as a reference, go ahead!

Arca's Yard - Ambuklao Road (one of my favorites!)

Baguio Craft Brewery - Palispis Highway, formerly Marcos Highway (I don't even need to promote this place, craft beer is enough motivation for you to visit!)

Cafe Rheality - Jose de Leon Building, Session Road (actually my mom's cafe haha)

Gossip Coffee Shop - Upper General Luna Road

Grumpy Joe - Leonard Wood Road

Hill Station - Casa Vallejo, Session Road

Just Another Damn Good Sick Joint - Leonard Wood Road (would not recommend to ANYONE; avoid this place like the plague)

La Casa Bianca - Leonard Wood Road (also one of my personal favorites!)

Le Coq Bleu - Suello Village

North Haven Spa - Casa Vallejo, Session Road

Ozark Diner - Bareng Drive, Bakakeng

Patch Cafe - Bloomfield Hotel, Leonard Wood Road

Under the Tree Book Cafe - Baden Powell Inn, Governor Pack Road (probably not the best place for tourists, more for locals)

[deirdreamer]

HELP! A friend of mine wants me to be the photographer in her wedding and it's my first time! Any tips you can give for a first timer? I've looked into a bunch of sites about amateur photography; they're useful but I wanna hear from someone in my age. And since you take great photographs, I'd like to hear tips from you! Hope you answer! Thanks so much! :D

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Hi there! Sorry it took a while for me to respond (tbh I only ever have Sundays to do whatever I want haha) Anyway, I hope it’s not too late for me to give a few tips! :)

Before I begin though, I just want to thank you for leaving this question in my ask box. I actually didn’t know I was relevant in this field as I’ve only ever (professionally?) covered like three weddings and I wasn’t the sole photographer in any of those :))

That said, the most important thing I learned from covering major events is that you can’t do it alone. A partner is very very helpful, especially when too many things are going on already (and this happens a lot during gatherings!) If your friend didn’t ask anyone else to cover her wedding (i.e. hire a professional team to do it), then I suggest you inform her that you might have a hard time doing it alone. Ask another friend who can assist you in taking photos because you can’t just keep running around to shoot different angles of one very precious moment. Trust me on this, I thought it was easy if I just push myself to keep an eye out for everything that happens but you’ll end up giving your friend a one-sided perspective of her big day; an assistant photographer adds valuable insight and photos different from yours that may improve the selection of photos you’ll hand over to the bride and groom :)

Second, it’s always best to manage expectations. When I was an assistant photographer for a wedding before, I appreciated that the main photographer and the clients discussed 1) the kind of photos the photographers can take and 2) the type of photos the clients want. Your friend might want more posed and traditional photos of the families and guests OR your friend might want candid and unique photos of the event… OR EVEN BOTH. I had to deal with a couple before that wanted all the photos to be black and white. I appreciated knowing this so I knew what kind of photos I needed to take. Some clients would even come up with a shot list, where they enumerate the crucial moments that you need to cover (e.g. the bride’s reaction when she was surprised with a horse and carriage in place of a bridal car (this actually happened it was so cute and touching)) OR significant details they want you to shoot (e.g. the bride wearing running shoes under her dress (also actually happened)). I wouldn’t have captured these moments or details well if we didn’t discuss what I had to expect from the wedding.

In turn, don’t forget to also set your friend’s expectations; this is especially relevant because it’s your first time. If you’re limited in terms of equipment, inform her of the limitations of the shots you might be able to take (like if you’re using kit lens, tell her you might not be able to take close-up shots unless you’re really near the altar / if the venue is kinda dark or if the reception’s in the evening, tell her you might have difficulty with lighting or something). It’s okay to doubt yourself in cases like this (and at our age, it’s definitely fine and understandable), because it’s better to surprise yourself with better photos than you expected than to disappoint a friend who might have expected perfection for her big day.

Basically, those are the top two things I would like to remind anyone who’s going to cover an event for the first time! I hope these were the type of tips you were asking for? I don’t comment a lot on what particular photos should turn out like because that’s quite up to you! I wish you the best for your friend’s wedding and if there’s anything else I can help you with, feel free to leave a message :D

[deirdreamer]

PATCH CAFE

Bloomfield Hotel, #3 Leonard Wood Road, Baguio City

This will be the last post for the review series for now, as Patch Cafe was the lastplace I visited when I went home for the holidays. I actually stumbled upon itby accident because it wasn't on my initial list of cafes to try, but I was outin town with my boyfriend and all the popular restaurants were full. We werejust out looking for dessert and coffee when we passed by the Bloomfield Hotel and I remembered that they had a cafe.

It was such a lovely surprise that the place wasn't full and that it looked absolutely cozy inside! We settled ourselves in a comfortable corner to order tea, coffee, and cakes. My boyfriend got a cute solo-sized New York Cheesecake, and I got a slice of Banana Hazelnut Cake. The desserts were so decadent and were worth coming back for! I can't believe we almost missed this place because I wanted to have a cheesecake at Casa Vallejo! This place is definitely more homey and had waaaay less people. 

Although the interior's as photogenic as all the other coffee shops in town, it gave me the impression that I was sitting in just another cafe in the metro. Nevertheless, the visit still felt like home and the cakes surely made up for that minor detail. Overall, Patch Cafe could be a worthwhile alternative when all the other popular (more recommended) places are full and you'd much rather be sitting comfortably than be on a waitlist.

[deirdreamer]

OZARK DINER

Bareng Drive, Bakakeng, Baguio City

I've beenlooking forward to go visit Ozark Diner when I was back home, but it was quitefar from the town so it took a while before I got to go. I was even worried that I wouldn't be able to find it since I don't frequent the Bakakeng area -- thank goodness the cab driver knew where it was though!

When I entered the joint with my boyfriend, we were relieved to see that it wasn't packed with tourists (unlike so many places in the city center at the time!) so we decided to stay there for a late lunch. The menu was simple and featured all-American dishes. In hindsight, I figured that I should have ordered one of their best-sellers instead of being the usual me that's always in the mood for burgers... because then I'd be able to give a better review. Don't get me wrong, the burger was pretty tasty but it wasn't anything special for me. Maybe next time I should try their Chicken Pot Pie or Classic Pork Chop?

Despite the lack of words to type about their main dishes, there's one thing that I am very sure of about Ozark Diner's food: the desserts are worth the trip! They have American favorites such as the Apple Pie and Pecan Pie, and unique cheesecakes like their Dark Beer Cheesecake (WHICH I ABSOLUTELY ENJOYED), Ginger Wasabi Cheesecake, and Sili Labuyo Cheesecake. I'm pretty sure I spent at least half an hour savoring the Dark Beer Cheesecake!

Overall, this is probably the most authentic place I could go to in Baguio for American comfort food. We even caught a glimpse of their resident chef from the US, so I'm pretty confident saying that the meals here are genuinely American.

[deirdreamer]

Herrow Madam... I would really like to know how you did this.. /post/22183383343 the first one with the blurry lights :) (omg i've been going page after page in your blog.. i think i'm in page... 54 of your blog.)

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Hi! What were you doing on page 54??? =))

That first photo with the lights is very simple to shoot :) All you have to do is turn off the auto-focus on your camera and turn the focus ring until you’re not really focusing on anything (does that make sense?)

The thing is actually called ‘bokeh’ and there are tons of tutorials online for it if you have the time to read up on it. It usually works best if you have a subject you want to focus on and you want the background blurred. In the photo you’re referring to, I don’t have a subject and the background was just a bunch of houses on a mountain which appeared to be circular blobs of light in the final photograph because 1) the lights were literally kilometers away and 2) I used the largest aperture possible on my 50mm, which was f2.

I HOPE ALL OF THAT MADE SENSE! I’m not the best person to ask about these things, but I try :D