The Losers as Texts From My Girlfriend (2)
literally any of them they're all gay: i had a dream about you last night and woke up super fucking emo
ben: i just want to talk to my girl pls
stan: (picture of that 'oi mr/mrs stop hurting my girl' text) I FUCKIF FOUND OT FUCMING HETEROS
bev: i got loads of cute clothes on sale, prepare for a runway sesh later
ben: oh my god i can't wait for my punk girlf
bill: i just want to dance to blondie w you and watch harry potter and hold u while we sleep :(
bev: but john lennon's ghost dick is waiting for me :(
richie: (to eddie) um i turned u gay when i come over we are cranking the gay up all the way
mike: (bc he's a farm boy) there's a chance when we meet i will be missing a finger so. be aware
eddie: 'stop buying striped shirts' fuck off you don't understand gay culture
reddie: we are both mushy gays
stan: i hope ur a 60 year old man
mike: pls keep up with the hillbilly lifestyle its an important part of your life now
richie: either it's going to fall off or my spidey senses are finally kicking in
richie: OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO BUY WEBS FOR MY WEBSHOOTERS
reddie: we are both gay disasters
mike: 'you know where we're going? a fuckin field. you know what's in the field? cows n shit.' we love yeehaws
eddie: god they're the daddy duo. he's my daddy too
ben: and no matter if i'm blind or not, i'll always know how beautiful you areeee
bev: we will live in a house of pillows and blankets. oh! and cats
bev: i'll probably be dead by the time you're awake (thx radio ghost) but just know that i'm happy with john lennon
richie: yes, i am the best dad
ben: write shitty fanfiction until she falls in love w you
richie: i told my mom that i'm a slut for the office and she's mildly concerned
eddie: john mulaney is my dad pls
richie: listen. we get a bunny. and name it rabbit downey jr
bev: me, on the floor, prying my cat's mouth open at 5am name a better cat mom
anyone about richie: i thought you had wheelies on
eddie to richie: i'll leave my window open for u
eddie: i used to be a pro rollerskater
ben: the sun is bright because now you're up and it has to compete
richie: GOD I LOVE PAUL MCCARTNEY. DAD
stan: '(stan) not every bad thing is caused by homophobia' yeah try n convince my gay ass
bev: wonder if dad knows he's listening to the queer theme song
mike: i have pulled a calf out of a cow
richie: i'll tell him that the lizard king is my lord and saviour
stan: that's no fun jeffrey dahmer would beg to differ
bill: we don't make snape references in this family
richie: sometimes i want to send really gay messages but then i think of leonard bernstein
ben: i am threating you with love and affection fucking DEAL WITH IT
ben to bev: i love u even if you can't bake :(
richie: open my gift. pls. pls. YOU GOT RICKROLLED
bill: i love u because u know my favourite vines
richie: i'm just trying to shove a whole hot pocket in my mouth
bill: everyone always says 'i love you' in dinosaur but no one ever asks 'how are you' in dinosaur
bev: i found an old twilight hairbrush from like 2009 and there's a Weapon made into it
richie to eddie: my toes are so cold i'm gonna put them on your legs in the middle of the night and you'll push me off the bed
ben to bev: also fuck your dad
mike: omg dad came downstairs and i was singing into my brush
ben: listen you were the first girl i flirted with. 'hey google how do i flirt with a girl without crying'
bev: you called me!!! love!!!
my actual girlf: (petname which i will not reveal) are you going to make a part 2 because i read through our messages again and i am actually hilarious
bonus! pennywise: are you going to tell them about my dead guy fetish. EVIE WHY ARE YOU EATING A PSYCHOPATH. evie spit him OUT he just Slaughtered Someone. explain the physics of swallowing someone whole. its for a friend. exposure is my kink. forget wine n dine. expose n vore.
pennywise: i can't wait to gut u, sweet dead body