Fyremark Shadow University

The academy of magical arts and sciences for those who struggled to find conventional placement. All are welcome! Attendance is mandatory.

[fyremarkshadowu]

Welcome to Fyremark Shadow University

Feel free to direct asks to—

Your Mentor: Russell Baker

Your Peer Advisor: Adelaide

Your constant digital companion: Pinnochio

All will be explained in due time. This resource will be updated as your orientation unfolds, so please check back in. Student services will receive questions from students and only from students, so questions about the universal force known as the "meta" will not be accepted, and can instead be directed to @caspercryptid or @fsuclassof2043

The story thus far

The orientation powerpoint

[fyremarkshadowu]

Howdy! I'm Emmi, you're my roomie, right? Yeah? I hope we'll be great friends. I know that's an awful thing to say as a first greeting because than like what if you find me unbearable but I'm really banking on trauma bonding here because What The Fuck, right? One minute I'm trying to avoid some kooks while I was paddling out and then I see a shadow under the water and then wham, next thing I know I'm waking up with a bag over my head and my ears all fucked up like getting too deep underwater too quick, and then some cunt is up in my face telling me I should be grateful that I've been given the opportunity to awaken my mystical potential so I— well. Handled it poorly. And then they put me in here. I got the orientation slideshow but it didn't really help much.

....sorry, I talk a lot, and it's been a hell of a day. At least I got out of the room a bit— in the common room the RAs— they're called some bullshit, but they're RAs— have covered everything in boxes of sheet sets and room supplies, so that's where I got everything I've got on my side of the room. Aren't the sheets beautiful? My family always... star themed everything. And they don't seem too worn. Some of the boxes had stuff that looked a little better loved, but some people like that. I did get this lamp that has this little bronze fox hiding in the tree-trunk base— you see him there? His nose is all polished and bright. Somebody had this and just— pet his nose.

I don't quite know what to feel about the sources of those boxes but— well. It's nice to have bedsheets.

Maybe we can look on the bright side, yeah?

can you show me to the common room?

Do you wanna go to a party?

Did the bag they put over your head smell like gravy?

When you say "handled it poorly"....

Voting ended onMay 5

[fyremarkshadowu]

Meet your FSU support team! Adelaide is a second year student here who's chosen to fulfill her community service obligation to the arcane court by helping new students get oriented on campus! Feel free to reach out to her anytime with questions that weren't answered during your orientation and tour!

[fyremarkshadowu]

Oh, sure, loads. There's the dinosaurs, there's the fair folk— not that I would call them creatures to their faces or within earshot— there's your fellow students who've made some big fucky wuckies, there's the weird shit that's been cursed by your fellow students when they make some mistakie wakies, and there's some animals that have been caught in some baddie ... babbies. I kinda lost the rhyme at the end there I hope you can forgive me.

Anyway, campus is dangerous! Magic is dangerous! Everything is dangerous! Live in fear forever!

Okay, the sun is setting, I am actually going to show you to your dorm now before it gets too dark out here and we stop talking about hypothetical monsters and start talking about real ones. There's a computer in your dorm room that can only access a few pages to keep you from getting into too much trouble. Send a message to your peer advisor if you have more questions, alright? Or ask your roommate, I'll introduce you when we get there!

Let's go!

[fyremarkshadowu]

Nah. If it helps I'm not even actually sure it's real time travel, I think it might be a conspiracy. The dinosaurs are very real though so you should definitely not go out that gate and if a giant shadow passes over you go into zen rock position and pray for a quick death or a dumb bird who can't see your dumb ass in your bright red shirt. And I know you weren't wearing that shirt when you got got and they put it on you that you'd be easily visible if you regained consciousness and tried to escape so I'm not judging but I would recommend greens and browns and grays now! Helps you blend in with the scenery and the walls so you don't stick out to predators.

does that help?

no

a conspiracy?

are there a lot of— attacking creatures?

OK. dorm now

Voting ended onMay 3

[fyremarkshadowu]

Oh right, it always throws people off. So, there's a treaty with the fair folk that designates that we cannot store active weapons storage in their territory, and then they made a case that you lot count as active weaponry, and we did lose that case. But we can't put a magic university on Ecumene, because people would see it, so we had to put it.....somewhere else. And by we I mean the powers that be because I think this was wildly stupid. Anyway, we're in dinotimes. So that all evidence of this can be wiped off the map by the meteor. We are also located up a mountain in an in-between space so we're kind of in the fair folk's territory but it's a legal gray area.

hope that helps.

I think I'm more confused now

so are we gonna die to a meteor?

I really hate time travel.

thanks! dorm time now.

Voting ended onMay 2

[fyremarkshadowu]

I don't mean it in an offensive way! I just mean that now you're more of a natural disaster than a person, or a potential natural disaster, like an unexploded ordnance someone has dug up from whatever trash heap you used to call home, and you're being delicately and gently relocated so that you don't kill yourself and take everyone you know with you!

And I mean you're basically presumed guilty until proven innocent, designated too dangerous to leave alone but not useful enough to put to work until you can prove that you're worthy to join society and can be trusted to not just wreck everything and everyone in your path by a system that's fallible at best and likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy where you become so massively traumatized that you kill someone and become the next example of why mages outside of the quadrants can't be trusted, so as you go along the full weight of everyone's eyes on you will begin to slowly crush you to paste.

Anyway enjoy college.

....okay. so anyway, the dinosaurs?

I wasn't offended before, but I'm kind of offended now?

the next example?

I'd like to go to the dorms now.

Voting ended onMay 1

[fyremarkshadowu]

The dean of freakshow university is not exactly a sought after position. Pretty much anyone who will do the job will get the job, and we just see how long they last before the campus, the fair folk, the dinosaurs, the students, or one of the teachers kills them. So it doesn't exactly disqualify Dean Aurelius that he's a lying self-absorbed cheat with no educational experience. Actually puts him about on par with everyone else here. Including me!

Frankly if he can find a way to wring money out of this place I'll be the first to congratulate him. You kids aren't even good for prison labor. Too much unexpected fire to put you near saleable goods.

no offense.

none taken.

okay that was one too many dinosaur references.

what do you think he's up to?

I want to go to the dorms now

Voting ended onApr 30

[fyremarkshadowu]

Oh that's a joke about Kangan water, the MLM. A little after my time but one of my students explained it to me last year and played me a fun little song about it. #inspirational. Da dee da dee da dadada.

Anyway the joke is that I'm calling Dean Aurelius a con artist. Because he is one. Factually. Like, on Earth he is still at large for conspiracy, forgery, money laundering, identify theft, making false statements, and I think some other stuff? He may have also shoplifted. And maybe killed somebody. I don't quite remember! One of my students recognized him from the news last semester. So maybe they've declared him dead by now and it's no longer an active investigation.

Anyway, he's kind of a bad guy.

why is he the dean?

which of your students recognized him, so I could ask them for more information?

what the fuck?

I'm done learning terrible things, dorm time now

Voting ended onApr 29

[fyremarkshadowu]

You know, every year, I think it'll be totally fine to take a little popsicle and crack break during the orientation, they'll call my name when they want me to get big and green and scary, they'll give me my student back, and my student will know all the things they need to know from the orientation. What do they even tell you? Do they give you twenty slides of gifs and ask you to sign up to buy a ten grand water filter from the Dean and then release you on this school? Is that what they do? It's no wonder there's so many dead students. Yeesh.

Okay, I can be the voice of reason. I hear loads of voices, some of them have gotta be reasonable! I mean, mostly they tell me that they're dead and regret ever stepping foot in this school, but that is a very reasonable thing to feel.

Anyway— oh, there's one now. I see. Gotcha.

Okay, so, the library is about two miles in that direction, towards— yeah, no cardinal directions. Normal compasses spin. But there's a footpath through the forest. You shouldn't follow it, though, because you are not currently magically adept enough to know when you are being led off the path by illusions, and upperclassmen regularly set up traps in those woods as practice spells. So if you try to find the library, you will be led directly into one of the fucked up little magic springs in those woods, or you'll just be lost forever. I mean, I'll look for you. No one else will. Don't do it.

You aren't safe anywhere on this campus, and you never will be, but you are safest in your dorm, or out in town. I wouldn't recommend exploring, because place is evil.

Does that clarify things?

maybe I will just go back to the dorms now

ten grand water filter?

why would the upperclassmen do that?

are you talking to ghosts right now?

Voting ended onApr 28

[fyremarkshadowu]

Nah.

THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, NAH?

would you mind explaining things, so that I can know them?

do they just want me to stay in the dorms, is that it?

out of idle curiosity, why are You a tour guide.

Voting ended onApr 26

[fyremarkshadowu]

Nah.

Well, if you say so!

Is there anyone else I can talk to?

the fuck do you mean, nah? this tour has been two buildings.

I know classes are remote, but surely I am at least supposed to use the library.

Voting ended onApr 25

[fyremarkshadowu]

So it is. You'd think I would remember that! I was 18 in.... fuck. Uuuuh. Oh dear. When was I born....when was the last time I saw the real world? What was happening?

You wouldn't know, would you, kiddo? I could tell you everything I remember and you'd just look at me like you're looking at me now, like you're caught between pity and being worried i'm going to eat you. You don't have to worry. But maybe I've been as useful as I can be, now. You've got your map, keep that safe. You've gotten my advice, though you're welcome to ignore it. After all, what do i know? I'm just an old loon.

Do you need anything else before I go?

are you okay?

isn't there more to the tour? academic buildings, the library?

thank you for the tour. I'm going to take your advice.

is it cool to admit that I'm terrified of this school?

Voting ended onApr 24

[fyremarkshadowu]

That's not important right now! What's important right now is that you are young and something insane has happened to you and it is absolutely vital to your mental health that you go and get absolutely smashed and make some friends. You're going to spend this whole year cooped up in your room with nobody but your roommate who you might kill accidentally and that's super bad for you! You are not allowed to leave or wander but you gotta stretch your legs! you gotta be free like a beautiful bird! you are beautiful bird!

Okay you're looking at me like you still want the answer to the question and if you don't get the answer from me you're going to ask somebody else. Alright so if the fae knew the exact layout of the campus they might try to kill us a little bit. We're mostly not at war but we a little bit are. It's complicated. like a war that is.....not active. like it's not exciting. it's not hot. There's probably something i could call that. I don't remember right now! I've been here such a long time, sometimes my memories get a little fuzzy!

Listen, baby bird. The quarantine gate is not locked, for safety reasons, so that if they need to move through it they can. It only opens in one direction, so once you're in you can't get back out that way, but the town gate is only guarded on the freakshow side so-- pretend i didn't say that. Fyremark. Anyway. You can get through the Quarantine gate as long as no one is actively watching it, and you can walk-- long strides, you're not as tall as I am, most people aren't-- long strides. 60 strides past the purple flowering tree. through the crack. Go run around! look at the shops! see the lights and the demonstrations and the fashion! and get back before dawn.

Got it?

Got it

it's a cold war. The word you're looking for is cold war.

Shouldn't I be worried about going into quarantine?

what did you just say about killing my roommate?

Voting ended onApr 23

[fyremarkshadowu]

Ooh, that's a good point, I should make sure you know where to avoid! Okay, follow me.

So let me doodle this map real quick— yes I do keep colored gel-pens on me at all times, and the color is essential, its vital, it's important, color is life, color is love. I AM buying myself time to draw more details on this map than I strictly speaking need to, but since maps are banned if I'm going to give you a contraband map it has to be useful enough to be worth the risk! So do tuck this somewhere really safe when you're done looking at it but here it is.

So you can see where we are right now– your orientation earlier was in the basement of that beautiful building next to us right now! I know I didn't capture how tall it is. Work with me here.

So behind us through the trees are your dorms, and ahead of us are the gates. I'm sure you can see at least one of them! Yes that terrifyingly large thing that looks a little like the door from Jurassic Park. Do not go through that door. If it is open, run.

Anyway, moving right along the wall here, you can see the gatehouse up there— your checkups with the doctor are in that building! And then that next big gate is for quarantine.

Quarantine holds everybody who loses their marbles. They put you in there to look at you for a bit and then usually they let you out again if you're in control of your actions. Or mostly in control of them. Anyway, rumor has it exactly 60 paces from the lilac tree growing along the wall there's a significant enough crack that someone enterprising can slip through and go to town. Which would be TERRIBLE. because you shouldn't go anywhere near anyone in Quarantine and you should most definitely not go to town. You are way too dangerous and deadly to go be around other people or see the magical community doing concerts and parties celebrating the upperclassmen returning to fyremark. Savvy? You are not allowed in town. Do not go to town. No fun allowed. And you couldn't get to town because the town gate is really well guarded and they check everyone and there is no other way to get to town.

got it?

got it

wait what was that about maps not being allowed?

wait, what was that about jurassic park?

why is the doctor's office in the gatehouse?

Voting ended onApr 22

[fyremarkshadowu]

Thank you for not being a narc. We're really struggling with this one, huh? Tell you what, I think Mg. Muffin is available for one of your core classes, theeeeeeee..... one about the fair folk. I'll finangle that for you and we can get you into Dr. Chess's class for fields.

Okay, let me think. What am I supposed to be doing. I am unmoored in time and space. Oh, the tour! I'm supposed to give you a tour! Which is strange, because you're barely allowed to look around and when you do you're going to be taking your own life into your hands. It's really dangerous to wander alone. Or with friends. Basically it's dangerous. Period.

Oh, but I guess you're not alone and undefended right now, are you? I'm here! Funny, I'm not used to being useful.

what do you want to see?

what am I supposed to do for fun around here?

where am I NOT allowed to go? just so I can avoid it better.

I'd like to go to the robe store and get clothes

What do YOU think I should see?

Voting ended onApr 20

[fyremarkshadowu]

What a year this week has been. Hm? Oh, don't worry about how the last minute felt like months! That happens sometimes. The flow of time here is weird, anyway, teacher reviews.

So Sabrina Severn has some....mixed opinions. Apparently she's pretty boring unless you're talking about the zoology and anatomy subfields, at which point she becomes.....passionate. There's some horny guys in here who really dig it! somebody else gave her a 1 star and said it was creepy.

Mg. Cheshire has more reviews probably because she's something of a celebrity around here- she's a former felon! isn't that neat! okay i mean, former is a strong word. She is sort of in prison. or at least containment, they don't like the word prison and i have been instructed not to use it, but you're not going to tell anyone, are you? mwah. Anyway a lot of reviews like "very clearly hates this, and you" and "glad this class is remote because I asked her to repeat something and she looked like she literally wanted to kill me."

Okay, so. Muffin. Muffin has bad reviews but there's something i need you to know. It is that Muffin is a raccoon. okay? I don't know if they're a good teacher and in fact I these reviews suggest very strongly that they aren't but they are a racoon and when they teach you can look at their tiny little raccoon hands. Who cares about grades. Anyway.

So, the monsterfucker, the felon, or the raccoon?

Mg. Sabrina Severn (the monsterfucker)

Mg. Cheshire (the felon)

Mg. Muffin (the raccoon)

I just want you to know that I am reporting you the literal second I can

Voting ended onApr 19