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Uni life: Part 2

I don’t think I’ve smoked this much weed, ever

Uni life: Part 1

Levi Wagner, there are 6 girls in this 10,000 student university who hate you, and you probably don’t even know it.

What a fucken loser

I’ve come to a conclusion, and all Sues are cunts

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, listening to Hozier while high is the epitome of self-actualization

caringpluto

if you’re gonna do anything today, please listen to this song. it’s so gorgeous and haunting and has v strong hozier vibes. please please give her music a chance, it’s so hard being a new artist nowadays.

Listening to Hozier while high at midnight is the epitome of self-actualization.

My relationship with people

I study people because I write about people. I want to know why we do what we do, what hurts us, what rushes us, what motivates us and why we are like we are.

Very ironic in the way that I’m terrified of people. We are capable of anything, we are evil and we are scary. I’m so scared of getting hurt, on purpose or by accident, because all humans are capable of hurting others.

I hate people, and I’m scared of people, but I love them, and I study them.

What is my life, really?

Ash solving your problems #5

if you don’t want to fall asleep while reading, studying or watching TV, make yourself very uncomfortable and don’t try to get comfortable. It will keep you awake, because there’s no way you could sleep in the positions.

Problem solved

#problem solving #ash solving your problems

dukeofbookingham-deactivated202

One of my students turned in a paper arguing that Hamlet and Macbeth both view death as a solution to their problems and the only difference is that Hamlet wants to kill himself and Macbeth would rather kill everybody else and I honestly treasure this insight.

I think im starting to understand why he thinks Im beautiful

I hate the fact that I get jealous of people who have the same talent as me. I should be lifting them up, encouraging them, and allowing myself to learn from them, but instead I throw myself down, wondering why I didn’t think of that first, or why they are so much better than me.

And I hate the fact that I’m the only one who reads these Tumblr posts that I write. All the things I’m finally willing to say, and it all goes to waste, because nobody sees it anyway. What’s the point

Hatred

The feeling you get when your female teacher tells you that the #metoo movement is pointless because every woman is going to experience sexual harassment, and there’s no way around it.

The fire in your soul every time you think about the person who ruined your life beyond repair, and there’s nothing you can do about it anymore, and there’s no way you can even talk to them.

The passion in your eyes when one of your best friends is in a relationship with someone who is going to tear them apart, and you can see it, because you’ve seen it done before, but it’s not your place to tell them that.

What I see when I look in the mirror.

#hatred

The Future

I've been busy getting my first job, graduating high school, preparing for university and being in a healthy, wonderful relationship for the first time in my life. Some would say that things are going booming.

But I feel like all this is happening too fast. I'm too young to graduate, I'm not skilled enough to live on my own away from home, I'm not ready to leave all my friends behind, and in a year or 2, I could be married. In some ways, I feel like my life isn't my own, and it really doesn't belong to me. There's another entity who is walking in my shoes, procrastinating on my homework for me, putting on my apron for work and kissing my boyfriend. It all feels too weird to be me. Yet it is. It isn't some other being possessing me, it really is me, and that scares me.

The future scares me! Doesn't it for you too? Not knowing who you are going to become, or even what the next 3 minutes look like? Things can change in an instant, and alter reality forever. Maybe I've been watching too much Marvel, or reading too much Sci Fi, but the future is a scary subject, and I really don't feel ready.

But I guess all I have to do is just keep ye head up. I have to look ahead, because if I look at the ground, I'll crash into the future like he is a big man in a trench coat standing in the middle of the pathway. With my head up and eyes open I can tap his shoulder and shake his hand. Still scary, but perhaps less so.

I know this post is just a ramble, and it is so self-centred. Count how many times I use the words "I" and "me" in this post, seriously do it. It's disgusting how focused on myself I am. How much I want people to read my books, think of me as beautiful, and consider me a good friend. I get stressed out, then I hate myself for getting stressed out, and I hate others for hating me for being stressed out.

I'm an attention seeker, an eye whore, and I hate it. But it's no use looking into the past. So please don't check the date on my last post, because it's humiliating, and please don't take the things I've done in the past as who I am today. Sure, the past shapes who we are, but I have so much ahead of me.

So many big men standing in the pathway of life that I need to smile at and shake hands with. That is such a stupid metaphor.

Thanks for reading.

#future #fear #ramble

relatablepoetryandquotes

via @extramadness

Yeah, I get mad when I’m left out of stuff. Yeah, I’m human, thanks

theres nothing like the deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

its literally, fucking fine.... I shouldn’t think about it too much... what happens, happens and it will get fucking better

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