last of the american girls

she's a rebel, she's a saint. she's the salt of the earth and she's dangerous.

[ramonameisel]

Every goddess carries a monster between her bones and iron in her heart.

thoughts #40 | r.m (via rmeisel)

[delilah--devlin-blog]

Lincoln: And there it is.

Lincoln: Wouldn't be a discussion if you didn't bring up the one mistake I made

Lincoln: In case i needed an additional reminder as to why this doesn't work. Perhaps it's the fact that no matter how long we'll together you're always ready to throw that at me

Lincoln: I don't need to. And I don't want to.

Delilah: Because we don't bring up my work?

Delilah: Or the fact that I was barely an adult and I got scared and ran?

Delilah:

Delilah: Fine. Have a good night. Or nice life. Whatever.

[delilah--devlin-blog]

Lincoln: I never asked? I didn't have to Delilah

Lincoln: How many times have you ended this?

Lincoln: I would never tell you to choose me over your education or your career, so i won't make you

Delilah: How many times did you?

Delilah: I shouldn't have had to ask you not to cheat.

Delilah: Ask, Linc. Ask. Once and for all, ask so you can finally realize what I value.

[comatosechild]

Clever girl. You play with fire because you want to be burnt.

Holly Black, The Coldest Girl in Coldtown (via nastyorchid)

[delilah--devlin-blog]

alicelostindream:

“No, it’s not your business. But you won’t tell him, because you know how caring he is, and how worried he would be.” Alice said, every word slow as she tried to breathe, while she was speaking. She was just tired. She needed to be in her car, but she didn’t want Delilah to follow her, if she believed Alice would ever lie to Lincoln. “You said one of us needs to stop lying. And since I don’t lie, it means you lie, to him. And I’m not going to ask you what you lie to him about, but if you ever loved him, don’t lie to him. He deserves so much better than lies”

“I won’t tell him because you should. And you should tell him because he cares and worries.” Delilah did know how Lincoln was, maybe too well, and she knew that he’d want to know about what happened but she wasn’t about to tell him. Studying Alice to try and figure out if the girl was feeling better or not, the girl’s sudden attempt to protect Lincoln caught her off guard. “Not saying something you should is a lie, just a different kind. And I love him. Present tense. It’s not like a light switch that flips on and off,” She shot back before sighing, a sad smile on her lips.

[delilah--devlin-blog]

[wnq-writers]

Her heart was a secret she was afraid of; she wouldn’t talk to anybody about it, nor would she think about it, because if she did, she remembered that it was real.

perfect-barbarian-land  (via wnq-writers)

[delilah--devlin-blog]

alicelostindream:

She started to walk slowly, her gaze on the ground as really she was just trying to avoid going into the ground and passing out this time. God, it was so… So… Awful whenever this happened. When her body would not stop shaking, and her breathing felt directly painful. “I’ve never-” She stopped walking, looking at Delilah, without properly looking at her, her gaze too hazy. “I’ve never, lied to him. He knows more about me, than anyone. He knows, everything about me. I just do not want him to be worried, again. I’ve never lied to him. You might have lied, but you’re his ex girlfriend, while he’s my best friend. I’ve never, never, never, lied to him. I just don’t inform him of every panic attack I have”

Freezing in place, Delilah leveled her gaze on Alice and slowly nodded. It seemed like maybe they were in similar places for different reasons. “And I won’t ever tell him about this one because it isn’t my business.” It wasn’t, she didn’t need to dive in and try and fix things that weren’t ready to be fixed or anything else. “I never thought you lied to him but sometimes things are too much to say to someone, right? Sometimes you just need something to be private, even if it’s just to the person it’d mater to.”

[delilah--devlin-blog]

alicelostindream:

She didn’t want to talk, but she knew few understood her if she wasn’t talking. She just wanted to be in her car. To be safe. To be where they, could not reach her again. Or to be back in Lincoln’s arms. Nothing bad ever happened there. Pointing in the direction of the car, she took a careful step forward, not really sure of where her feet would land. She wasn’t still quite back, her vision still a bit blurry. “I want to be home with Maisie. I’ll be fine home. But Lincoln worries so much”

Trying to keep herself together and not go to a place of how much worse things that happened to her could be, Delilah slowly nodded her head and held her arm towards the direction Alice indicated. “Okay, so I’m going to get you home.” Biting her lip, Delilah debated about what she had to say next, but she’d never been good at censoring herself. “I think that one of us need to stop lying to him and...” Trailing off, Delilah looked up and shook her head. “I think you need him to know the truth but it’s your truth not mine.”

[delilah--devlin-blog]

alicelostindream:

“He knows about it… He knows everything..  He understands… But… He thinks I am doing well, but… I’m not.. I’m not doing well” Her body shaking as she spoke, she couldn’t help but have her fingers in her hair, trying to not rip out the strands of blonde hair. She didn’t take the hand offered to her, instead she stood up on her own, wrapping her arms as closely around herself as she could. “I need to get to my car… I need my car… I need my stuffy.. I need my car. They can’t reach me if I’m inside of my car. They can’t touch me then. I’m safe in my car.”

“Okay,” She breathed, nodding her head like she understood even though she didn’t. Lincoln had put up with so much of her shit that she couldn’t see why they shouldn’t tell him but this wasn’t her’s to tell. “Where is your car? No one is going to touch you from here and no one will touch you in your car.” Following the girl’s action, Delilah stood. “I’m going to get you to your car. And I’m going to get you wherever that car is going. And I won’t tell Lincoln anything if you don’t want me to, but I’m not letting you be alone right now.” 

[delilah--devlin-blog]

alicelostindream:

She was trying to get her act together, but it was so hard when all she could feel was their hands on her, feel the panic of that day over and over again. God… She wanted to be home in her bed again and never go outdoors again. Because then they could not find her again. They could never take her again if she was always home. But even as the tears were dropping from her eyes, there was few names, few things that could bring her back to the moment, but the name of her safe place could. “Lincoln?” She whispered, her voice trembling, but she looked over at the girl with tear eyed filled eyes. “You can’t take me to him. He can’t see me like this… He things I’m doing better. He… He’ll be so disappointed. He can’t see me like this”

It was a lot to take in for Delilah since she was used to just burying everything away, but she could accept that Alice didn’t want Lincoln to see her like this. There were similar things that she hid from him and she wasn’t going to deny someone else that. “I won’t take you to him, but even when he drives me nuts he’s a good man. He’d understand. He’s put up with me this long,” Delilah said, feeling like a liar since she’d hidden things from him. “Alice, can I help you up?” She asked, holding out her hand and not wanting to spook the girl. “If you want you can hang out in my apartment until you feel better. I have a doorman and everything.”

[delilah--devlin-blog]

alicelostindream:

To Alice, it was like everything in the world had just turned black. She was back then, back to the panic that hit her when they grabbed her, and she felt helpless again. Her heart was racing far too fast, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Don’t touch me” She cried out, her hands pulling at her hair. There was a voice in distance, but to her, there was nothing but being sixteen again, and a pair of hands grabbing her, while another put the cloth over her face. “Don’t take me… I can’t be taken again… No… Not again” She cried, more or less falling down on her knees in full panic. “Not again… No.. No… I can’t…”

She wasn’t set up for this. Delilah was set up to take care of herself and no one else, but she couldn’t pretend to not be involved in this. She wanted to pull out her phone and tell Lincoln to get over here, but it was so fast and all she could do was sink down with Alice, doing whatever she could to be sure that whatever she’d triggered didn’t get worse. “Alice? No one is going to take you.” She croaked, choking up in panic and hoping that her memories that were creeping in weren’t worse than what the girl was feeling. “Alice? It’s Delilah. Lincoln’s girlfriend...” It was a lie, but she was crouched on the sidewalk trying to protect a girl she barely knew so it was one of the few good lies she’d ever told. “Darling, I promise, no one is taking you. And as soon as you’re ready I’ll take you straight to Lincoln and we’re going to figure this out.” Forcing herself not to reach out to the girl, Delilah swiped at her eyes, overcome by the reaction.

[delilah--devlin-blog]

Lincoln: Delilah, i'm not saying it's not going to happen

Lincoln: I'm saying right now, after everything that's happened i can't just jump into something

Lincoln: The fact is work will still come first for you

Delilah: Neither of us can jump

Delilah: But you never asked

Delilah: Maybe you couldn't.

[delilah--devlin-blog]

alicelostindream:

“He’s bad enough when I do dumb things… He’s very protective of me, but he knows I can walk three blocks alone” She tried to explain, though when she saw the hand reach out towards her she already tried to step backwards, her heart starting to race in her chest, silencing every single sound around her, including Delilah’s voice. “No no no nno!” She couldn’t control her voice as she stumbled backwards after the feeling of her arm getting grabbed, panic hitting her hard. “No, don’t grab me! I can’t, no! No!”

The first reaction was enough that Delilah immediately dropped her hands and held them up. She’d known Alice was nervous, their encounter that day suggested it and she knew it’d been danced around, but she hadn’t expected this. The brunette took a step back, torn between separating herself and trying to block the girl from any other passers-by. “Alice?” Raising her voice, hands still up though she was tempted to tug the girl away but not wanting to make it worse, “Alice? I’m not going to grab you. I’m not going to touch you again.” Shifting her bags, glaring daggers at anyone who dared to look at them, Delilah moved to block Alice from getting knocked into by the others around them. “Alice?” She repeated, all of her typical armor dropping as she wished she could hug the girl but not wanting to make things worse. “I’m not going to touch you and I’m going to be killed before I let someone touch you. Do you understand that?”

[delilah--devlin-blog]

Lincoln: I don't want you to quit your job

Lincoln: Frankly....I don't know if i could even be in a relationship right now

Lincoln: i wish i could say I could, i wish it was that simple but i couldn't do it

Delilah: Don't

Delilah: Don't be sorry.

Delilah: I'll figure out a world after five years of you

Delilah: ...

Delilah: Somehow

[delilah--devlin-blog]

alicelostindream:

“And the exception makes the rule” It was a dumb saying, Alice thought. That for every rule, there had to be an exception to prove it. Like the rule of once a cheater, always a cheater, there was always the few ones who did not cheat again, but they were the proof of the rule, or something. “I’m just going to my car. Lincoln trusts me to walk three blocks on my own, it’s not like I’m going to walk across a lone parking station again”

It was sweet how Alice believed in the statement and she was probably the exception to the rule. That didn’t mean that there weren’t people out there waiting to take advantage of that. “I’m not Lincoln. I’m worse. And I’m not taking his shit if something happens and he finds out I left you.” Reaching out, Delilah grabbed Alice’s arm to link it through her own. “I’m walking you where you need to go and that was a very specific reference. So if you want to talk about that, I’ll try not to forget who you are again. We can swap stories.”

[delilah--devlin-blog]

Lincoln: And i love you too

Lincoln: But the fact is you're never going to trust me again

Lincoln: Because you have this certain opinion of me that i'm around sleeping with everyone

Lincoln: I spend more time watching netflix with Alice, then i do sleeping with random people

Delilah: I could.

Delilah: If you could trust me and be honest.

Delilah: What do you want me to do? Do i quit my job? Do i throw two degrees to the wind for a man? What do you want?