@demuretosociety-blog - Tumblr Blog

you know I would usually write on here how I feel and how these past couple of days are going for me. but honestly, I’m sad. I am so fucking sad.

and the most saddest thing of all is that I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore. in addition, I have avoided talking to any of my old friends and relatives. like I said, I can’t talk about this anymore and I can’t ask for anyone’s help. I need to find and love myself. because all I feel, in this very moment, is pain, guilt, and hatred.

you lose people. this life we have now, all of these decisions we make every day, has a consequence. you can be positive your entire way and grow as a person, but there’s a catch. you might just lose the most amazing people. so don’t worry, it isn’t your fault. it isn’t theirs either. it’s life. it will always be this way. but if you’re lucky enough to find someone real, cherish them. forgive them. love them. and for the love of god, don’t let them go.

arguing with you is so fucking draining. i can feel my whole body just feel completely drained and i hate that you make me feel the most happiest, but completely drained. i am so fucking tired of it.

I know what I have to do now. I have to let you go. We can’t continue to do this. Because it may not be hurting you, but it’s affecting me to realize you don’t feel the same. And trust me, I want to keep you in my life so closely, but I’m watching you meet and give other people the attention I want. You don’t love me the way I love you.

va-cios

Todos tenemos cierta melancolía recordando un amor trágico, un amor que estuvo a punto de ser pero nunca fue.

vanish

““Will I ever get over my first love?” you ask. I tell you that’s too broad. You don’t “get over” someone you were once in love with. You can not simply just erase the adrenaline filled first touches, or the sunny cherry kissed afternoons spent dazed in their presence. You can’t fill the holes they once dug into the deepest part of your heart. You will always know them and they will always know you; they will always be a part of your deepest thoughts because they once had the privileged of hearing them. But what can happen is this. Those nights spent sitting alone in your room replaying the memories as your heart burns and your mind sinks will slowly turn into a still presence of just knowing who you once were. Those mornings started by a panicked realization they are gone will soon turn into admiring the sun peeking through the windows while you realize your sudden and subtle contentment. The pain of unrequited love fades. You let go of the fact that they don’t want you anymore. You realize you don’t need them to make you happy and you start to live for yourself. You realize that it ended for a reason; you were only meant to be together in the past and it simply is not fit for you anymore. You begin to take life for what it is and grow from every experience. Of course you still have love for them, but it is a different kind of love. It’s that distant love where you wish them the best but you aren’t desperate for their presence anymore. As you continue to move on you may think of them and reminisce on the old times, but you know the doors to the nights of screaming and crying over them have finally been locked. You’re on a new path now, and so are they. It’s the beautiful cycle of life and love.”

— a letter to my old self (via toxiccafe)

and then, that’s when I realize I didn’t mean anything to them. that I was simply not worth the fight and they didn’t care. you can’t change people, because you’ll just be destroying yourself.

withouut--hesitation-deactivate

one day you’re going to come across somebody and this person isn’t going to be who you expected. they’ll bring you butterflies in the deepest parts of your stomach yet peacefulness in the depths of your mind. you’ll be confused because you won’t understand how someone can make you so nervous yet so calm at the same time. you’ll soon begin to realize that this same person is on your mind in times that you should be focusing on other things. they will make you want more of them and you’ll soon see how contagious their laugh is. their eyes will become embedded in your brain and all you’ll see is their face and all you’ll hear is their voice. you’ll want to know every little detail about them, to the point where you’ll feel obsessive but no matter how much you try to push it away, you’ll just keep coming back for more. some day you’ll meet someone that you didn’t expect, but this person will end up becoming the one person you won’t ever want to live without. without really realizing it, someone is going to be the reason that shows you real, happy love does exist and trust me, it’s a ride you want to be a part of.