Recently, there is a sense of wanting to "catch-up" with the stuff I missed on doing when I was a teenager.
At the age of 10 to 11 years old, I've been exposed to an environment where sacrificing my own "needs, wants, essentially, what we call as happiness" for someone else's benefit. This would root out from a lot of things within the family - my grandmother suffering from cancer (has metastasized over the span of years we've been with her), we've got financial problems that burdened us after she passed, family problems getting panned back and forth because of my dad's brother and my grandfather (company-related). I don't think I had a childhood that really allowed me to enjoy whatever the kids were enjoying at their age. My dad often shared all his woes to me that I've grown accustomed to what he considered is "normal" to him. In return, it gave me a predisposition that life is all about suffering and we are not deserving enough to have a breath of fresh air and just enjoy things as it is.
Over the years, I've realized that it isn't really productive to retain that kind of mentality. It's just another way to burn yourself out from whatever goal you have in mind. I think it works for my dad but it doesn't for me.
Now that I have a significant other who is privileged enough to experience a somewhat financially "able" type of life, there is a sense of "healing" that is happening within me. Throughout my high school and college life, I had a tendency to surround myself with people who were always emotionally struggling. I always found myself being unceremoniously put in the position of healing other people, being there for them, not dealing with my own mental weaknesses. I don't know. Why was I into that kind of crap? It was toxic. It only destroyed what remaining innocence I had in me as a person - given all the crap I had to deal with at home.
I am genuinely beyond happy and contented with my partner right now. We've got a few sad days where we both doubted ourselves if we're both good for one another but we greet each day as a new slate to prove of our affection. I hope it remains this way because I haven't felt this loved than ever. Not even my dad or mom has expressed this type of affection towards me. I love you, Waks ♥
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Experiencing happiness through another person's vlog/tiktok/life
You know, technically, isn't this the reason why we watch vloggers?? Instagrammers?? Tiktokers??
A majority of people in the world are unable to do the stuff they genuinely want to do because they've got other priorities and obligations to fulfill that's why they turn to social media to live even just for a few minutes of their lives, their dreams, through someone else's?? AM I MAKING SENSE HAHA
Because I followed a few people like Ciara (haha kung mabasa mo to, technically I am a fan 🤣🤣🤣 you should take it as a compliment tho; plugging her tiktok cos I love her content @itskiy*r**a yazz binabasa pa rin blogs ko ty bhi3 AHAHAHAH) - their tiktoks I mean - ALSO SHOUTOUT TO KISHA GUATLO MY GIRL CRUSH (FOLLOW HER TIKTOK PLS @gtl.k1)
I don't have the nicest of the body (pear-shaped, overweight BMI, not exactly motivated as of the moment to workout as much as I wanted to). Yeah, and I accepted that! HAHA I watch these people because they can dress nicely and be super cute, do fun tiktoks, eat what they want - and to just see a person live that type of life makes me happy because "hey! they're living the kind of life I wanted". I'm not jealous because I've accepted that it's not how things would go for me; I've got a different thing happening for me. In fact, it's somewhat of a body positive/inspirational thing to view their content because somehow, I'm a bit urged to take care of my body also HAHA
Enjoy lang sa life! Whatever comes, whatever it will be. It's what you choose to do with it that matters, okay? So cheer up. There's another day to come. Just keep moving forward in life. You'll get to be where you want to be rin basta you just keep walking. Do your best to learn from your experiences. And please, don't ever forget to be kind. Forgive people whenever you can. I just think there is so much more to life with bearing grudges. We've all got our stuff to deal with. Least we can do for other people is to just be kind to them.
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Being the person who often get told "save your words" after getting in an argument
I think people are, generally, not prepared to hear what other people has to say HAHA. This has happened a lot to me. Close friends becoming strangers just because of how prideful they've become. I think not all childhood friends are bound to become our lifetime friends. It's hard to accept that fact the moment that it happens. I still grieve to this day because I can't have that "same" friend back. She's got her own way and probably her own mistakes in life to realize. I still pray for good things to come her way.
I've come to a point in life where I don't really engage in conversations anymore. I used to tolerate making small talks with some random stranger but now, I'm just the type who absorbs the energy in the social environment. I listen.. a lot. I'm quiet. I get physically tired. So if a person approaches me, I'll talk to you. No judgments at all. Just talk to me. I'm a social sponge.
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I've been playing these songs since January 2022. HAHAHA So dumping them here
Just A Bit of Rain - She's Only Sixteen (SOS)
For all the days you've felt incapacitated from not having a job that pays enough, unable to attain your goal for your age, for being a gen Z in an economy with skyrocketing inflation
Leave Me Out of It - She's Only Sixteen
For all the days you just want to stay out of trouble, yeah listen to this. AHAHAH
Good Company - She's Only Sixteen @9:35
For all the times I've thought about Waks, I love you MY SUPER POGI BEBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And to whoever is reading this (including my future self), listen to this when you just want to slow down and chill.
