Ghoulish. Cancerous. Defeat. Vulnerability.
All of the words above, and many others, can only be described as to be a part of my life for many years (~8).
Inferiority Complex (IC): we have all experienced the unrealistic feeling of inadequacy at some point. You meet that one person, who is much better at everything they do. You feel as though when you are around them their superior knowledge overshadows your ability to think, speak or mingle.
For the longest time, I, for one, have shared the holy bond of holding an IC. In my profession (software developer), I have watched many people reach their breaking point, only to not be able to see past their muddied thoughts to reach greener pastures so that they may brush their boots off to fight another day. These very people, became discouraged, drowned out helpful words and pushed away those who wanted to help.
Why? Because they [I], saw these mentors as people who knew much more than they [I] and were unwilling to cope with the teachings bestowed upon them.
My IC stems from never really having a mentor to instill great confidence in myself. I always played catch up, always a step behind (or so it seemed). Even in my every day job (almost 8 years later), I feel as though I will be "found out" to be one who does not possess enough skills worthy enough to have a desk in the office of my current employer.
Part of my every day process at my job is to submit Pull Requests (PR) into our different software repos, so that other developers may gander on the feeble code I have written. This entire process is very daunting for someone like myself, with a very strong IC, for you see, the very thought of receiving an email with suggestions for code cleanup or suggestions on improvement only breeds ferocious anxiety in my mind.
Coping with these thoughts is not easy. Reading PR comments is sometimes a task one might describe as painful as receiving open heart surgery, without anesthesia.
So, how do I cope with my IC? How do I defeat my IC on a daily basis?
Fear is defeatable. Fear is curable. Fear is an emotion that can be suppressed and hidden. Confidence, is key (a little cliché).
I use the fear that my IC instills in me and turn it around to breed confidence in others around me so that we all can learn from one another. Passing on your knowledge to someone else is one of the best tools to learning.
Am I perfect? Hell no. Will I always hesitate before submitting a PR? Yep. But you can bet your bottom dollar, that I'm going to soak up as much as I can from those around me with more knowledge so that the next time someone asks me a question, I can put a smile on, and point them in the right direction.