“While I appreciate the English lesson — I repeat, stay put. It’s safer.”
“What about safety in numbers? Bad things always happen when people split up. I’m not letting you go alone.”
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@dennisonwitch-blog
“While I appreciate the English lesson — I repeat, stay put. It’s safer.”
“What about safety in numbers? Bad things always happen when people split up. I’m not letting you go alone.”
Brooklyn nine-nine sentence starters
change pronouns as fit, lots of trigger warnings ahead, taken from multiple characters
“Click. I just captured the exact moment you realized you had failed. I guess we all got something out of this.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually, sometimes including sex.”
“People receive meaningless threats all the time. It’s really no big deal.”
“I’m surprised you’ve read Othello.”
“Well, no one asked you. It’s a self-evaluation.”
“We’re a package deal, everyone knows that.
“Oh, great! I’ll take my shirt off.”
“I’m in unspeakable pain.”
“Oh, I really came in here with the wrong energy.”
“I am flummoxed! That’s a word I learned for this party, and I am it!”
“Anyone over the age of six celebrating a birthday should go to hell.”
“I’d rather walk into the freezing ocean.”
“I remember that old bag. She was my favorite.”
“Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I’ll turn it up.”
“"Kind, sober and fully dressed.” Good news, everyone. We found the name of [name]’s sex tape!“
” Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, and fully dressed?“
“Of course. Totally. I mean, why would a death threat be a big deal? Oh, that’s right ‘cause it threatens death!”
“ When it comes to shooting patterns, I like to go PB&J. Penis, Brain, Jaw.”
“You don’t out grow punk, sir/ma'am.”
“Here, wear my shirt. I was gonna take it off anyway.”
“I’m really into rented clothes. I love how many butts have been in them.”
“ No one knows. I am a rock. I am an island. I have lapsed into song lyrics again.”
“Not a gift, snitch. It didn’t cost me anything. Just my worthless man hours.”
“Don’t remind me. I’m going to be untangling that web for a month.”
“And when this is over, I’m going to find you, and I’m going to break those little fingers.”
“Nope. I’m gonna wait ‘til I’m on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately. ”
“I’ve only said I love you to three people. My mom, my dad and my dying [relative]. And one of those I regret.”
“ I’m gonna punch him so hard in the mouth that he bites his own heart.”
“Thank you, [name]. Your entire life is garbage.”
“I cannot believe that I’m considering a non-violent option.”
“My [erelative] always said, "Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie.” Fun fact: she/he/they made me cry a lot.“
"Yeah, I might buy my shoes at a kids store and yeah, I might be scared of geese, but I am a damn good [profession] and I will not be made a fool of.”
“I thought he was faking it. I wanted to splash the lies out of him.”
“Seriously, you are beautiful. If he/she/they ever lies to you again, you can call me.”
“Okay, just so we’re clear, from this point forward, my call sign will be Death Blade.”
“Yeah, I’m not an idiot. I know how to trick my best friend into eating his/her/their fiber.”
“Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don’t give candy to a baby! They can’t brush their teeth!”
“ I’ve talked a lot about [name] in my departmentally-mandated therapy sessions.”
“You should take my minivan.”
“ I was working out and I saw a muscle in my shoulder I’d never seen before. I thought it might have been a scientific discovery.”
“Your head is so small. It is so small. Where do you keep your brains?”
“Probably not. I mean he/she/they seems like the kind of laid back guy/girl/person who delights in having his/her/their mistakes exposed.”
“ Don’t move as a group! You’re not gazelles!”
“I feel like a proud mama hen whose baby chicks have learned to fly!”
“Baby, I’ve got some bad news. Someone painted a giant penis on our minivan.”
“I threw away the photo because I think it’s ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself, especially when you haven’t earned a place on the wall.”
“I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.”
“So nice of you to greet us, [name]. I thought surely you’d still be crushed under that house in Munchkinland.”
“approval ratings are - pardon my language - in the commode.”
“Look at that. You’ve helped me find my smile.”
“That is amazingly funny.”
“You’re a grown man/woman/adult, [name]. Strong like an Oak.”
“Their components have a long shelf life, they’re cost effective, and they’re so simple a child could make them.”
“Dress it up however you want, that’s some disgusting animal kingdom nonsense.”
“So you choose your [relative] over me, your co-worker who hates you?”
“Every time you talk I hear that sound that plays when Pacman dies.”
“Honestly, I’m going to last forever. You hear that bitches? I’m gonna last forever.”
“My mother cried the day I was born, because she knew she would never be better than me.”
“All men/women/people are at least 30% attracted to me.”
“At any given moment, I’m thinking about one thing: [name] hunkered over eating dog food.”
“Turns out I gave up easy. You hear that bitches? I gave up so easy.”
“Mmm-kay. No hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye.”
“Hi, [name], the human form of the 100 Emoji.”
“Hold it up. You’re gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there?”
“You are blessed with a great power, and you should never snip its wings. You should let it soar.”
“I am prepared to light [name] on fire in protest.”
“After zero consideration, I’m happy to say, "hard pass.”“
"Sounds like a genetic disorder.”
“We didn’t want to say anything that would get us uninvited.”
“You called us useless. You called us incompetent. You called us zeroes in the sack.”
“Yeah, no doy. How do you think we got to be the oldest guys here?”
“Get your act together, or so help me God, you won’t live to see retirement.”
“Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack. No offense, [name].”
“Just drop down onto the ground and wiggle.”
“Who wants to have sex with a tree?”
“Take me to the land of vending machines.”
“It takes a big person to admit when they’re being a total dumb-dumb.”
“Can’t spill food on your shirt if you’re not wearing one.”
“i don’t need this now.”
five word prompts // accepting
“It’s a simple question. What are you doing? Cause it looked kinda witchy, and what I don’t need is witches doing suspicious stuff.”
“it’s just a cut, really.”
five word prompts // accepting
“You sure?” she asked, holding out a bunched up handful of paper towels, a worried expression etched onto her features. “Cause that looked like a lot of blood.”
[ OPEN STARTER ]
“Stay put? I wasn’t put in the first place! That whole phrase is a complete disaster.”
five word prompts
[inspired by this]
“actually… i just miss you.”
“alright, i’ll leave you alone.”
“and slowly… i was forgotten.”
“and then everything just disappears.”
“and where do i go?”
“anyone could tell from here.”
“are you finishing that or…?”
“are you stupid or stupid?”
“anything, just call me, okay?”
“bitch better have my money.”
“bro… that’s so… not cool…”
“but did you do it?”
“call me now. it’s urgent.”
“can’t you listen to me?”
“cross that. don’t answer that.”
“don’t even think about it.”
“don’t you dare walk away.”
“do it. i dare you.”
“did you think i forgot?”
“eventually… you just move on.”
“even if you still do.”
“everything will fall into place.”
“fight me, you attractive stranger.”
“for once, i need you.”
“for once… i was right.”
“for once… i was wrong.”
“forget i even asked you.”
“forget it. you fucking suck.”
“fuck’s sake, what’s your problem?”
“fuck off. i mean it.”
“give and take. that’s life.”
“great. perfect. nice. fuck this.”
“have you lost your mind?”
“hello? it’s me. i was-”
“hey… that wasn’t so nice.”
“here’s a glass of whatever.”
“how about a hug, hm?”
“how about you make me?”
“i haven’t forgot you yet.”
“i can’t be around you.”
“i don’t need you, really.”
“i don’t need this now.”
“is this your first time?”
“it’s just a cut, really.”
“it wasn’t me, i swear!”
“i said i love you.”
“just don’t fuck it up.”
“just… come back alive, okay?”
“just make sure you’ve eaten.”
“kick his ass for me.”
“killed him? wait, what, literally?”
“life really sucks. feel better.”
“letting go hurts… a lot.”
“let me live, will you?”
“no, i don’t need you.”
“nothing can hurt me now.”
“nothing matters anymore to me.”
“okay it was me… so?”
“people lie all the time.”
“pipe the fuck down, asshole.”
“please, you can’t die now.”
“please don’t leave me alone.”
“quiet. they can hear us.”
“quick! give me your phone!”
“quicker, you freaking piece of-”
“quit it or i’ll bite.”
“quit staring! they’ll notice us!”
“really? do i look stupid?”
“real smooth, tripping over air.”
“rise and shine, sweet thing.”
“rise and fucking shine, motherfucker.”
“seriously? give me a break.”
“so… what are we now?”
“so… did you miss me?”
“so… can we go eat?”
“so… when’s the next flight?”
“so… how did everything go?”
“sometimes, i wish you died.”
“so what? you did it.”
“time passes slower without you.”
“then what do you suggest?”
“the fuck? who are you?”
“then you tell me why.”
“this is not working out.”
“this isn’t what i wanted.”
“this is all a fucking disaster.”
“when did it all happen?”
“who knew you’d be here?”
“why do i even bother?”
“why do i love you?”
“why didn’t you tell me?”
“you’re just… so, so stupid.”
“you can’t be here now.”
“you look like an accident.”
“you really need to go.”
“you know who to call.”
"zero fucks given. next please.”
@wolfpupy twitter ask meme
❝ its all fun and games until its not that anymore ❞
❝ i grow more powerful every day and by powerful i mean sad ❞
❝ only the good die young? phew good thing that i am so incredibly awful ❞
❝ if theres one thing i dont know about its everything ❞
❝ heres some general life advice, when the sun hits the ground find somewhere to hide ❞
❝ surfs up. hail satan ❞
❝ after 13 long years congress approved a bill that will finally let the bodies hit the floor ❞
❝ hey kids, i know youre struggling right now but im here to tell you, everything gets worse forever ❞
❝ in a way aren’t we all responsible for my actions ❞
❝ some say love is a river, me i say things that make sense ❞
❝ if your newborn baby has a full head of hair that means it is a business baby and is ready to enter the world of finance ❞
❝ i may be dumb as hell but i am also insanely stupid ❞
❝ take every thing you own and throw it into the ocean who cares ❞
❝ you know the old saying, boys will be trash ❞
❝ one of these days i will float up off into damn space and no one can stop me, not even gravity or nasa ❞
❝ if i could shoot anything with a gun i would probably shoot another gun, the hunter become the hunted ❞
❝ lets forget about the bodies for a second. what do you really want to let hit the floor? your feelings perhaps? ❞
❝ i’ve seen a lot of things in my time, which i blame on me leaving my eyes open. things got a lot better once i decided to just close them ❞
❝ learning from mistakes is for people who recognise that they make mistakes. i dont give a shit ❞
❝ there are few things in life that can’t be achieved with occult dark magic ❞
❝ how to predict the future: think of the worst possible thing that could happen ❞
❝ halloween is forever bitch ❞
❝ who are the real criminals, me who does the crimes or the people who hurt my feelings all the time ❞
❝ looks like things are always happening once again ❞
❝ i am going to lay completely still on the forest floor until either things start going my way or i disintegrate into nothing ❞
❝ im sure im going to ruffle some feathers with this but given the choice between good times and bad times i would like to have the good times ❞
❝ the best way to solve problems is to create more problems until you are dead ❞
❝ tired of people always telling me go to hospital and that i’ve lost a lot of blood, its my severe head injury not yours stay out of it ❞
❝ i hit the hay all day mother fucker. 24 hour sleep cycle. if you awake you a fake. its bed time bitch ❞
❝ i hope one day i will find love, or a cool looking leaf. either one ❞
❝ piles of uneaten candy will signal im dead ❞
❝ the hairless rat is not a new species, merely a result of my failed scam of shaving rats and selling the hair back to them at a high price ❞
❝ we let the bodies hit the floor then what? next we’ll have bodies hitting walls, roofs, you name it, bodies will be hitting it ❞
❝ sometimes the people that hurt us the most are the ones swinging big knives around while screaming and trying to cut us ❞
❝ yeah yeah blame the guy whos dna matches with the dna found at the crime scene. surprise surprise ❞
❝ for as long as i can remember i have been able to remember things, maybe even before that ❞
❝ yeah i looked both ways before crossing the street, i looked both ‘handsome’ and ‘radiant’, too bad i got hit by that car ❞
❝ stop living in a dream world and start living in the regular nightmare world all of the rest of us live in ❞
❝ blood moon, very cool to see. and whats the sun doing again? the same regular thing for the millionth time? what a load of worthless trash ❞
❝ if existing for an amount of time has taught me anything its that i have no idea whats going on ❞
❝ hurled my bible at the paper boy and knocked him off his bike with the real news ❞
❝ i’ll go in whatever direction the wind takes me, and if i am too heavy for wind to move me around i will probably just lay down and die here ❞
❝ i’ve said it before and i will say it again, i think people should give me hundreds of dollars and feel good about doing it ❞
❝ wow, i’ve never thought about it like that before. and i never will. i’ve already forgotten what you said, good bye forever ❞
❝ stop being so defensive i am just trying to hit you with weapons ❞
❝ dont betray me and act surprised when i get revenge on you, thats the number one consequence of betraying me. everyone knows it. even babies ❞
❝ blood is just nature’s red water that flys out when you make a mistake. relax and enjoy the experience for once ❞
❝ reached the limit of what you can do with imagination? why not try occult dark magic ❞
❝ if anyone needs me i will be laying face down on the ocean floor ❞
❝ its time to forget the mistakes of the past and start making the mistakes of the future ❞
3 p*rn blogs have followed me here today. why????? there is nothing for you here!!??!?
☾ [ DANI ] liked for a starter
❝ —— You’d be surprised how often I have to reverse spells like this. It honestly baffles me how so many people even want to CAST them. ❞
“What baffles me is how many people want to cast spells in the first place. They end up in Salem and think ‘oh I can do magic now’, and it never goes right. You can reverse it though, right?”
"I just wanna see where the massacre took place."
GHOST ADVENTURES STARTERS // accepting
“Of course you do.” Dani rolled her eyes, a teasing smirk playing on her lips. “The witch house is the only place left from the trials. But there’s a lot of other museums and guided walks and stuff, if you want to go full on tourist.”
[ OPEN STARTER ]
Dani walked in the already wide-open door, curiously glancing around. “Hello?” she called out. Realizing she sounded like every cliche horror movie, she rolled her eyes and kicked the door shut behind her. “You left the door open, moron!”
#burrito!alicia is here to ruin your life
Ghost Adventures Starters
"I hate the basement. I'm just putting that out there."
"I've come a long way to talk to you because I think you're a piece of crap."
"Is this spirit being a smartass?"
"You look great for being... not alive."
"Ghosts don't even like me."
"It's cold, it's dark, and it's exciting as hell!"
"Are you banging your head on the wall?"
"Something is up here, gathering all the power it can."
"If this is the portal of hell, why don't you come up out of that ground and get us?"
"Here I am in the sugar shack!"
"I hope you can hear me up there in the damned attic!"
"I can't wait to get locked in here."
"Dude, he's kinda creeping me out. No joke."
"Have you ever heard of those guys who wear jackets when it's really, really hot out?"
"I can't believe they left me out here, all by myself, with this music playing."
"Wait, am I standing on his grave?"
"I have respect for all spirits... except for you."
"I just wanna see where the massacre took place."
"This right here is like putting holy water on a demon."
"I'm just pumped! Are you guys pumped?"
"I smell beautiful."
"Do you see that? Because I can't, either."
"You have reached your final desination. Hell."
"This is tougher than it looks on tv, trust me."
"This is beyond dangerous. I don't recommend anybody do this."
"It was probably the most dangerous, craziest thing we've ever done."
"Hey, we're just lost. We need a place to stay."
"Thank you for knocking."
"I've got a teddy bear for you!"
"Were you stabbed in this room, Sir?"
❛ certainly took you long enough. next time i should be more obvious : i’ll purr && cough up a furball. ❜
“You jerk! You let me go on like that. Why didn’t you just tell me? Wait - how are you even here?”
Meeting someone new was both a blessing and a curse. “I have no idea where Essex street is…” Hope chuckles softly as he looks around for the street sign.
“Right, sorry.” She shakes her head, embarrassed, a blush rising to her cheeks. “It’s, uh, about three streets that way.” Dani says, pointing to her left. “I could show you if you want.”
❛ i could be scarier. black cats were once thought to be bad omens. ❜
“Black cats?” A frown immediately forms on her face. Childish hope wells up in her, thought she tells herself it can’t be. “Binx?”