đë°ì±í x fem readerđ đ titplay, nipple play, making out, groping, dirty talk, teasing, it's implied sunghoon has bigger chest than reader...
heâs your classmate that sits behind you in lectures, always poking your back with the back of his pen just to annoy you, stealing your notes âby accidentâ, setting you up by saying out loud that you have a question for the professor, and the one thing he does that pisses you off the mostâhim grinning like an idiot when you glared at him.
and now you were paired together for this assignment.Â
âtook you long enough,â he drawled, eyes flickering up to you. âi was starting to think you bailed.â
âsome of us actually care about grades,â you muttered, sitting down on the edge of his bed, keeping a safe distance. you pulled out your notes and laptop. âletâs just get this over with. we need to cover the case study and then outline the slides.â
sunghoon hummed, rolling onto his side so he was facing you. too close. his shoulder brushed yours as he leaned in to look at your screen.
âright, right. i already did the research part,â he said, extending his arm to pull a shared doc. surprisingly, he actually had decent points listed outâclear bullet points on psychological factors and examples.
with citations.
for once, he wasnât completely useless.
you raised an eyebrow. âwow. didnât expect you to actually contribute.â
he scoffed, shrugging. âiâm smart, you know? youâre just always too busy being annoyed at me to notice.â
you rolled your eyes and began putting his points into sentences. for a while, it was almost normalâsunghoon working out on the slides outline on his laptop, and you, focused on yours.Â
the two of you actually made decent progress. it was quiet and the next fifteen minutes went by with you two trading ideas, and making amendments on the reports. every now and then heâd throw in a sarcastic comment, followed by you telling him to shut upâbut it stayed mostly on track.
until it didnât.
sunghoon suddenly stopped typing. he leaned back against the headboard, stretching his arms above his head so his black t-shirt rode up a little, exposing a sliver of toned stomach. then he looked at you, head tilted like he was genuinely curious.
âhey,â he said carefully. âdo you like guys that go to the gym?â
you paused, fingers hovering over the keyboard. you turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised. that was random.
âuhâŠ?â you blinked. âsure? i donât mind.â
he hummed, nodding slowly like your answer was so, very interesting. a small smirk started pulling at his lips.
âyeah? thatâs good,â he murmured, eyes dragging over you for a second. âi go pretty often, yâknow? chest days are my favourite.â
you narrowed your eyes, puzzled and confused. âokay⊠and why are you telling me this?â
sunghoon shrugged, all fake innocent, but his voice dropped lowerâteasing. âjust saying. gym gyms usually have nice chests. broad. solid.â he casually brought a hand up and ran it along his chest, stopping right over his left pec.
âmine are pretty big, actually.â
he paused, then looked straight at you with that little smile.Â
â...bigger than yours, i bet.â
the words hung in the air, so blunt and ridiculous that your mouth fell open.Â
âexcuse me?â you chuckled dryly, brows pinched.Â
sunghoon just leaned back against the headboard, looking way too pleased. that smug smirk was fully out now, eyes halfâlidded as he watched your reaction.
âyou heard me,â he said. he even had the audacity to glance down at your chest again, slow and obvious, before meeting your eyes. âi mean⊠look at me. then look at youâitâs pretty obvious.â
your face burned with embarrassment and annoyance. âwhat the hell do you even know about me?â you shot back, turning fully toward him on the bed. âyouâre just talking shit like always, sunghoon.â
he raised an eyebrow, clearly entertained by how fast you took the bait.
âoh yeah?â he tilted his head, still smirking. âthen prove me wrong. are you mad at me because you donât go to the gym, or you mad cause you know iâm right?â
sunghoon casually pressed a hand to his own chest againâand even just that, the fabric stretched over the firm muscle underneath.Â
âsee? nice and full. yours lookâŠâ his eyes fell on your chest, looking so bored as ever. â...cute and all, but câmon. itâs all about how big it is. women are hot when their breasts are big.â
your mouth fell.
âwhat?!â you snapped, heat rushing up to your neck. âmy chest is not small, you asshole.â
his smirk only grewâyouâre so cute when youâre worked up.
âoh?â his voice dripping with fake innocence like honey. âthen why are you getting so defensive? if itâs not small, you should have no problem proving it.â
you glared at him, jaw tight. âyouâre insane if you think iâmââ
âprove it then,â he cut in, leaning closer. his eyes locked on yours, dark and challenging. âtake your hoodie off. right now. letâs compareâsee who has a bigger chest. you, or me.â
your heart slammed in your chest. your cheeks were red now. âno way. weâre supposed to be doing the assignmentââ
âcoward,â he said softly, almost sweetly, but the word hit exactly where he wanted. âif theyâre really isnât small, then show me.â
âunless youâre scared iâm right, then.â
sunghoon shrugged like it was no big deal, before focusing back on his laptop, typing lazily as if he hadnât just dropped a bomb on you.Â
you frowned, suddenly feeling super protective over your body. you know for a fact yours is a decent sizeâand there was never a need to be conscious, or aware of it. but this guy⊠this fucking guy is always getting on your nervesâŠ
âiâm not scared,â you hissed, cheeks burning.
âthen take it off,â he said, not even looking at you. âif not iâll just accept the fact that i have a bigger chest than you⊠and that yours is kinda tiny.â
that was it.
the ragebait hit perfectly.
âfine,â you snapped before you could think twice.
you grabbed the hem of your hoodie and yanked it up and over your head in one frustrated motion, tossing it somewhere down on the floor. underneath, you were wearing a simple white bra. the cool air of his room hit your skin and you felt exposedâbut you sat up straighter, glaring.Â
âthere. happy now? clearly not tiny.â
sunghoon finally looked up from his laptop.Â
his eyes widened just a fraction before the slowly dragged down, lingering openly on your chest. for a second, he didnât say anything. just stared. then that evil little smirk came back, even sharper than before.Â
he let out a low chuckle.Â
âhm. thatâs not fair though?â he said, tilting his head. âthat could be a push up bra. no way i can tell properly like this."
your jaw dropped. âare you serious right nowââ
before you could finish, you pointed at him. âyou know what? take yours off too then. if weâre comparing, it has to be fair. or are you the one whoâs scared?â
sunghoon raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by how far you were willing to go just because he poked you.
he set his laptop aside, then grabbed the back of black shirt with one hand. in one motion he pulled it off, revealing his bare torsoâsharp collarbones, defined pecs, and the faint lines of abs.
shit.
he leaned back on his hands, chest pushed out slightly, looking way too confident.
âsee?â he said smugly, voice lower now. ânice and solid, huh?â his eyes dropped back to your braâcovered chest. ânow⊠yours still looks smaller. but maybe if you take the bra off, i can give you a fair judgement.â
he bit his lip to hold back a grin.Â
you scoffed, amused and clearly irritated. your tongue pressed against your cheek as you stared at him. the annoyance boiling ever. this idiot really thought he could win over this stupid game?
âalright,â you muttered.
not overthinking it, you reached behind your back and unhooked your bra. you slid the straps down your shoulders and pulled it off in a quick motion. out of pure spits, you balled it up and tossed it straight at his face.
sunghoon caught it with his hand, laughing under his breath as he let it drop onto his lap. his eyes immediately locked onto your bare chest, and this time the smirk faltered for a second. his gaze darkened, dragging over your exposed skin.
âfuckâŠâ he breathed, leaning forward a little. âokay⊠iâll admit theyâre not tiny. butâŠâ he tilted his head, eyes flicking between your chest and his own. âmineâs natural, though. are yours?âÂ
your eyes widened.
âare you actually accusing me of getting work done right now?â you snapped, halfâshocked, halfâlaughing in disbelief.
sunghoon shrugged, still staring shamelessly at your tits, biting his bottom lip.
âiâm just saying. itâs a compliment, you know? they look really good it gets me wondering if you do get some work done,â his voice dropped lower. âi need to make sure. câmere, yn. let me feel themâjust for comparison.â
he patted the bed right between his spread legs, eyes gleaming.Â
your eyes narrowed, not moving.Â
sunghoon chuckled softly, patting it once again. âyou already took off the bra anyway. whatâs the point of stopping now?â he gave his chest a light slap, the sound sharp in the quiet room. âlookâmen can get implants too, you know? feel mine, theyâre naturalâŠcâmon.â
you glared at him, face burning, but the ragebait had already done its job. the stubborn, competitive part of you refused to let him win.
âyouâre an asshole, by the way.â
ehânothing sunghoon ever knew.
you shifted forward on your knees, crawling towards his spread legs. you sat on your heels right in front of him, you bare chest now inches away from his. the closeness made your heart hammer.Â
ughâyou hated to admit that sunghoon had a⊠really nice chest⊠theyâre so defined, and firm, broad, the muscles flexing every time he breathed. his skin looked smooth and warm. itâs so annoying how good he looked.
sunghoon noticed your stare immediately.Â
his smirk deepened, looking far too pleased. âwhatâs that face for?â he murmured, voice low. âadmiring me now?â
âshut up,â you muttered, but there was no real bite left in it.
his hands came up slowly before they cupped your titsâwarm, slightly calloused palms pressing against soft skin. he gave them a gentle, testing squeeze, thumbs brushing over your nipples as he weighted them in his hands.
âmmâŠâ he hummed, pretending to be all serious and focused, but his breathing had gotten heavier. âsoft⊠nice shapeâŠâ
goddamn his dream had finally come true.Â
you were always covering these beauties upânot once had he even seen your cleavage. and now here you wereâtopless, sitting between his legs, letting him touch.
sunghoon couldnât hide how much he was affected. his hands moved slower, more deliberately, cupping and lifting your breasts like he was memorising every detail.
âfuck, ynâŠâ he murmured. âtheâre actually pretty nice, huh?â he muttered, glancing up at your face. he supposed pretty girls just meant everything about them is pretty.Â
he took one of your hands and pressed it flat against his firm chest, right over his left pec.Â
âfeel that? all natural, baby. go on, compare properly.â
his hand kneaded your tit, no longer pretending it was just comparison. his thumb kept teasing your nipple, eyes watching your face for every little reaction.
ânghââ you gasped softly, the sound spilling out before you could stop it.
your cheeks burned even hotter. but you didnât pull away. instead, your hands moved on their own, sliding over his firm chest. you pressed your palms harder against his pecs, feeling the solid muscle underneath then squeezed them just like how he was doing to you.
they were so tight and warm, the skin smooth under your fingers.Â
sunghoon let out a low, breathy chuckle that sounded close to a groan.
âmm, fuck⊠youâre really feeling me up now, huh?â he teased, voice huskier. he gave your tit another firm squeeze, the flesh spilling between his fingers. then he leaned in, lips brushing against your jaw as he whispered.Â
âkeep squeezing baby, iâve always liked it when youâre all mean and rough with me.â
you moaned softly at that, your heel pressing right up at your clothed cunt. âyouâre so annoyingâŠâ you murmured, digging your fingers into his chest in response, thumbs brushing over his own nipples just to retaliate. sunghoonâs breath hitched, his free hand sliding to your waist and pulling you closer until you bare chests were fully pressed togetherâsoft against hard, warm skin on warm skin.
âshit, babyâŠâ he groaned, forehead resting against yours. âyour tits feel so fucking good in my hands. so soft⊠so sensitive.â
he pinched your nipple, watching your face intently for that little gasp.
but youâd had enough of him constantly controlling over you.
you pushed his hands away from your chest with a glare. sunghoonâs eyes widened slightly in surprise, but before he could say anything, you cupped your own tits, lifting them slightly.
then you leaned in and slowly brushed your hardened nipples against his.Â
back and forth. teasing. deliberate.
the sensation made both of you shiver. your sensitive peaks dragged across his firm, solid chest, catching his own nipples in passings. sunghoonâs mouth fell open, a low, surprised groan slipping out as he stared down between you.Â
âfuuuuckâwhat are you doing?â
you kept going, rolling your nipples against his in filthy circles. the frictions sent little sparks down your spine, and you could feel how hard he was getting beneath you.
âyou wanted to compare so badly, right?â you breathed, voice shaky but laced with defiance. âhowâs this for comparison, huh?â
sunghoonâs hands landed on your hips, gripping tight as he let out a shaky laugh.Â
âshit⊠youâre actually trying to kill me,â he muttered, eyes glued to the way your tits looked pressed and rubbing against his. âthey feel even better like this. so fucking pretty⊠keep doinâ that, baby.â
he tilted his head down and bit his lip hard, clearly losing the smug upper hand but still trying.
the feeling was fucking crazy that his grip tightened, his breathing getting heavier as he watched the filthy little show you were putting on.
âusing your cute little tits on me like that⊠youâre really into this, huh?â
you didnât answer with words. instead, you leaned in closer and dragged one of your nipples right over hisâpressing a little harder until your soft tits were fully squished against his firm chest. he hissed softly, chest rising sharply under you.
you were so close nowâfaces inches apart, breaths mixing. his eyes dropped to your lips.Â
sunghoon didnât even warn you.
one hand slid up your back, fingers threading into your hair, and he pulled you in, crashing his lips against yours.
the kiss was messy and greedy from the start. he groaned into your mouth the second your lips met, tilting his head to deepen it instantly. his tongue pushed past your lips, tasting you. at the same time, his other hand moved to squeeze out tit.
âbeen wanting to do this for so longâŠâ
he kissed you harder, almost desperate, sucking on your bottom lip before sliding his tongue back in. the heat between your bodies was insaneâbare chests pressed together, hearts hammering, his hard cock straining against your tummy through his sweats.Â
thatâs another one of his dreams about you came true.
when he finally pulled back for air, his lips were wet and slightly swollen. he rested his forehead against yours, breathing heavily as he gave your pretty tit another firm squeeze.
â...think i win this time, butâŠâ he whispered breathlessly, that annoying little smirk trying to come back even now.
he dragged one hand down your body, sliding it between your legs. he pressed his palm against your clothed cunt, feeling the heat there, rubbing.Â
pairing ⥠vampire!sunghoon x f!reader & husband!jake x f!reader
summary ⥠Despite the night terrors that have haunted you for years, youâve achieved everything a God-honouring woman should want: a husband who loves you dearly, a white picket fence, and the certainty of a perfect future together in your new quiet little town. However, a certain pale-faced neighbour reminds you a little too much of the eerie presence that plagues your restless nights.
18+ mdni â ïž smut with plot, gothic horror/thriller, angst, hurt/comfort, small town au, established relationship (jake), vampire/human relationship (sunghoon), implied major character death, religious imagery & trauma, bible quotes, traditional gender roles & marriage, purity culture critique, loss of faith, slightly patronizing partner dynamic, night terrors, ambiguous ending, sexually repressed reader, infidelity, soul bonds, mildly obsessive love, dubcon: sexual coercion (via soul-contract), biting, blood drinking, physical restraint, vampire venom as aphrodisiac, animal death mentioned, predator/prey dynamic, multiple smut scenes, p in v sex, unprotected sex, handjobs, fingering, loss of virginity, slight somnophilia, dacryphilia, choking, rough sex, praise kink, mild degradation kink
FEAT. niki as a vampire lore-obsessed teen
wc ⥠31.6k
inspo & creds ⥠thank you so much to my lovely mutual @seongjesdoll who inspired me with their fic right here please go read it! this fic is also heavily inspired by Nosferatu.
a/n ⥠this is very different from what I usually write but I adored experimenting with horror/thriller as a genre! this idea hit me like a truck months ago. this has been in the works for a while so Iâm soso glad to finally share
please note ⥠if you are uncomfortable with heavy subject matter such as dubcon, horror, death, themes of religion and purity culture⊠do not read this!
"...in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, do you promise to be faithful? To love him and to honour him all the days of your life?"
"I do."
You'd waited for it since you were a young girl. To walk down the aisle, daylight seeping through stained-glass, in a dress of pure white. You'd imagined your hand in his, fingers intertwined, warmly encompassed in safety and certaintyâyour shared kiss in the chapel, a declaration of your promise not only to him, but to God.
A husband, a family, love. The life every good girl prayed for. You prayed for it too, with your hands folded, head bowed, voice steady.
But what you imagined most, in the silence after the amen, was the thing no prayer could sanctify.
"...But each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."
Your Sunday school teacher had read the verse aloud with the patient severity of someone delivering a warning she hoped you'd never need. She'd looked at you, it seemed, and said that desire was a seed planted in the heart, that what began as a thought could grow into something monstrous, that a woman who let lust take root would one day reap a harvest of ruin.
You'd nodded, hands neatly folded on the desk, terrified by the image of something dark and living growing inside you. You'd tried not to think about the heat already stirring in places you had no name for, the tiny seed you could already feel pressing against the soil of your heart, waiting to split open.
The truth was that while other girls spoke of their desires for true love, for the miracle of childbirth, and motherhood, you desired something too shameful to say aloud.
Your mind always drifted to the impure. Instead of exchanging vows, you dreamed of how your future husband would lay you down the night after your wedding. You'd thought of how his hands would feel pressed against your bare skin, always hidden under long skirts and sleevesâhis lips, worshiping you in places no good girl should dream of. How he'd relieve that ever present ache between your legs that never seemed to dissipate and claim your innocence.
You'd thought of it so much, it began to rot you from the inside.
Many times, you'd held back tears during Sunday service, ashamed of the filth that plagued your mind in the holy place of worship of all places. The hymns would rise around youâSanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus Dominus Deus Sabaothâand you'd mouth the words while your thoughts drifted to the heat of an imagined touch, the weight of a body you'd never felt. You'd clench your thighs beneath your Sunday dress and beg God, silently, desperately, to scrub your mind clean.
In your sleepless nights, to avoid temptation, you'd rise from the bed, hands clasped together in prayer before your bedroom window. You'd leave it wide open, in hopes that the frigid wind would cool down the heat inside you. And though you trembled in your nightgown, goosebumps on every surface of your skin, it could never quite quell the fire that never burned out.
At first, you prayed for it to stop. You prayed for purity. Then, you prayed for numbness, believing you'd rather feel nothing at all. Alas, God granted neither, and you began to question which of the two dawning terrors was more catastrophic: the possibility that He wasn't listening at all, or the possibility that He simply did not care.
You knelt until your knees were bruised, you whispered prayers until they turned into sobbing pleas for mercy. There was only so much you could take until you began to lose faithânot just in God, but in yourself.
It was only then, in a moment of desperation, of utter helplessness, that you pleaded for something else:
"I beg of you," you whispered into the night, and whether it reached God, or for something else entirely, you did not care anymore. "If you cannot make this feeling stop, then I beg for relief."
Through the white curtains, you felt a presence. There was no face, no silhouette, no sound other than the howling wind. Yet, you looked up, as if to meet someone's gaze. As if something stood there, watching you.
A chill ran down your spine, and not as a result of the winter air seeping into your bones.
You don't remember a voice. You do, however, remember a silent promise: relief, in exchange for you, eternally.
Eternity. You knew what it meant. Heaven. Hell. The soul's unending life before God or in exile from Him.
You were old enough to know better. Desperate enough not to care.
Every night, then after, he came to you in dreams. You envisioned bits and pieces: a tall silhouette, cold fingertips, an ever-present stare. You saw visions of your own blood dripping down your neck, staining your night clothes. You felt his sharp teeth pierce your flesh as he ravaged you, corrupted you, made a sin of your body and had you begging for more every single time.
Your eyes rolled back in ecstasy, your fingers curled around your bedsheets, and when it finished, you awoke in a cold sweat. You, alone. Your window, closed. And your body, still untouched, still sacred despite the obscene wetness between your thighs, and the way your body trembled from the aftermath of your high.
Relieved, you were, to no longer repress your lustful urges. Horrified, you were, to realize you'd given into your darkest desires, pleasure coaxed out of you by the hands of something sinister.
"Look at you. My beautiful wife."
Jake hovers atop you, the cross at his neck hovering just above your face. Everything was as god intended. Two untouched children of the lord, about to make love on their marital bed, in a home they should hope to raise a family in. For the first time in many nights, the moonlight didn't feel so unholy.
"My beautiful husband," you mirror his adoration, heart beating so fast you fear it might leap out of your chest. "I love you."
His fingers lace with yours, his palms clammy and shaking. He's nervous, as are you. He'd told you as much before you even reached the bed.
"I love you, too," he whispers.
He leans down to kiss you, different from the kiss you shared in the chapel. No longer did you have to settle for quick, chaste pecks. You feel his tongue, his desperation, years of pent-up desire reaching its limit.
Hand still interlocked with yours, he enters you slow and restrained, a gasp leaving his lips, as it does yours.
Everything is as it should be. As God said it should be. You should be overcome with joy. The world should still around you, heaven should open, and some sacred part of you should be remade forever.
It doesn't. The reality is much quieter. A body receiving another body, and nothing more.
Instead, you feel discomfortâsharp and immediate. And itâs not just the physical kind that mothers warn their daughters about before their wedding nights. Your skin crawls, your stomach tightens, and suddenly the world is collapsing. Everything aches. Your head, your heart, the space between your thighs where your body refuses to yield, refuses to feel, refuses to let you forget even for a moment that you belong to something else.
You can't help but think that your husband, basking in his euphoric glow, deserves someone untainted.
Tears stream down your cheeks before you can choke them back, and at the immediate sight of it, he pulls out of you. Cradling you in his arms, he soothes you, gently asks if heâs hurt you. If thereâs anything he can do. You shake your head, your sobs turning to whispered apologies.
He holds you close all night, and you cling to him like you're trying to crawl under his skin, hoping Jake will shield you from the inevitable terrors of the night. Because you know, deep down, even after all of this, you'll still feel its presence in your dreams. Its cold, harsh grasp, its teeth, its predatory gaze.
But tonight, the boundary between dream and waking feels thin. As you lie awake, Jake softly snoring at your side, you feel it. That presence. That feeling you've never been able to explain, something better described as an instinct or a sixth sense.
Through the window, half-lidded and drifting, you search for reassurance. Instead, you find a pair of eyes in the dark. A shadow, watching you. You jerk upright, heart hammering, but in the blink of an eye, with a flicker of movement, you find nothing.
âSweetheart?â You hear Jake's groggy voice at your side, an arm tugging at yours, âWhatâs wrong?â
âNothing, justâŠâ Your breath rises and falls, watching the tree branches drift with the howling wind, watching the snow pile up on the edge of the window. âThought I saw something.â
He pulls you back down to the bed, kisses pressed to the back of your neck. You allow yourself to relax in his arms, the weight of slumber pulling you under.
You make it through the night. You always do. And this time, you wake up in a pair of warm, loving arms, rather than the shivering cold of your childhood twin bed, which you'd been accustomed to for years. You're thankful at least that in spite of your nightmares, your husband is a daydream.
A week was all you had for a honeymoon, if you could even call it that.
You'd told each other you didn't need a vacation. A honeymoon seemed frivolous when you already had everything you wanted: a house, a ring, a future together. You told each other there would be time for travel later. You have forever, after all.
So, straight into your new home you were, ready to build your life together. Your two weeks of time together were mostly spent unpacking boxes and pretending to help your husband build IKEA furniture. Really, you were mostly there to gawk at how attractive he looks when he gets mad at poorly designed instruction manuals.
Though the time slips through your fingers, and suddenly there are no more late mornings tangled in his arms, slow afternoons with nowhere to be, and evenings fumbling in the dark, learning the strange and sacred shape of intimacy.
You'd come to depend on the safety of his presence, the way his breathing beside you kept the dreams at bay. Selfishly, desperately, you did not want to lose it.
"Please don't leave," you whine like a child, rising from the bed.
He adjusts his tie in the full-length mirror at the corner of your bedroom, and your hands snake around his waist from behind, fingers clawing into the fabric of his shirt. You bury your face into his back, just breathing in his presence before you knew it'd inevitably slip away.
"And miss my first day at the office?" He chuckles, an amused smile playing at his lips.
Finished with his tie, he takes your hands, twirling you once before pulling you against him. His mouth finds your neck, then your jaw, then your lips. You melt into the shape of him, this body you're still learning, still marvelling at. But he pulls away all too soon.
"I can't support my wife and our future kids if I get myself fired."
"I know," you pout, following him out of the room, into the hall, hand still grasping his. "But what am I supposed to do here all alone?"
The question is smaller than the fear beneath it. While it is true that here, alone in a new neighbourhood without any real housework to be done yet, you're at a loss with what to do with your time, you both know the real reason why you're gripping his fingers like a child at the school gates: Your terrors, your anxieties and your skittish nature, once soothed and coddled by your parents, had now become Jake's responsibility to tend to, and you are petrified of being alone with your thoughts for the first time in your life.
"You could call your family?" He glances back at you as you both descend the stairs, his hand sliding along the banister.
"My mom has called me every day since the wedding," you deadpan.
He huffs a laugh and turns into the front hall. You reach the coat rack before he does, fetching his coat while he sits on the bench to lace his boots.
"You could go into town?"
"By myself?" You try to make it sound like a joke. It doesn't work.
He stands. You hold the coat open behind him, and he slides his arms in with a small, grateful sound. Then his gaze drifts past you, through the glass of the front door, to the house across the street. A mother is sending her children off, their school bags bright against the white, snowy morning.
"What if you go around and meet the neighbours?"
It isn't a terrible idea. In fact, trying to make new friends in the neighbourhood is what you should be trying to do, as a new couple looking to start their life there. And though ideally, you'd prefer to have your much more socially competent husband alongside you to do the task, you suppose it's about time you start facing your fears alone.
One messy kitchen and a batch of cookies later, you're wrapping up a small bag for each house on your small, quiet street, smiling behind your wool scarf as you ring the bell to the house across the street.
The first house is easy. A middle-aged couple, grateful and brief. The second is an elderly man who mistakes you for a door-to-door salesman. The third, a woman with six cats and one furious white Persian that hisses at you through the screen door until you retreat.
It all blurs together until you reach the end of the street, with only one bag and one house remaining.
You'd be lying if you said you hadn't saved this house for last. Something about it triggered that feeling inside you that you'd grown used to. A dark curiosity that you'd come to fear.
It isn't just the architecture either. Every home on this street is old. That was part of the appeal, why you and Jake had chosen to live here. You preferred something real, something with history. This one, however, feels like the kind of history you don't want to pry into. The kind of spookiness that children sense from the sidewalk and dare their friends to go up to, just to knock on the door and run before anyone answers.
It towers over the neighbouring roofs as if to assert its dominance, shouldering them aside. You don't like the way the entire premise was encompassed by a black, metal gate, and you like it even less now as the sun begins to setâone of the many unfortunate parts about winter; how the sun sets late afternoon, allowing the dark to creep up on you too soon. You hate the dark.
It's all just in your head, surely. Every house in this neighbourhood has an older look and feel, and you're certain that the people living in there are nothing but normalâperhaps even kind. All you have to do is ring the bell, give them the cookies, and leave. It's no big deal.
You nearly laugh at yourself out loud. You're a grown adult, for god's sake, there is no reason to be scared.
With a falsely confident stride, you push past the gates, walking across a jagged cobblestone path. Though you tremble with each step.
Something doesn't feel right, but you remind yourself it's as real as your nightmaresâwhich is to say, not real at all. Your nightmares, the years of psychological torment, it's all in your head. It always has been.
With the sun just about dipping below the horizon, you ring the doorbell, standing before the heavy double doors. You then knock and, for a second, you are relieved to hear nothing back until the doors open with a loud groan. Though you don't see anyone at all, eyes carefully scanning the dimly lit entryway. Your hands curl around the bag in your hands.
"Hello?" You call out, not yet taking a step. "I'm the new neighbour from across the street.â
Silence.
âI⊠I made cookies.â Your voice echoes into the hall, and you swallow your nerves. âBut, if you don't want to be bothered, I totally understand. I can just leave here and be on my way."
You wait a few seconds, hovering in the doorway, and the silence stretches.
You want to leave. Every part of you is screaming at you to turn on your heel and run far, far away. But they'd opened the door for you. You'd made your presence known already. You're standing right there with the cookies in your hand, for God's sake. You canât just leave now.
Briefly, you wonder what Jake would do. He'd probably walk in with a confident stride and a smile. He'd charm them easily, have them laughing in minutes and get swept up in conversation for hours.
Stupid, you think. You're fine. Completely fine. Just go inside.
You glance around again. The shoe room is empty, save for a small table that stands just beside the door, close enough. And in a split second, you devise your plan: Youâll set them down and immediately leave with your obligations fulfilled, and avoid seeming like a rude, doorbell-ditching neighbour. Itâs perfect. Foolproof. Simple.
You step forward, arm extending toward the table, already planning your retreat.
Then the door slams shut behind you.
"Welcome."
The voice comes from directly behind you. You spin, a strangled sound catching in your throat, and there he isâa silhouette pooled in the darkness beside the doorframe, so close you don't understand how you missed him. He must have opened the door. He must have been standing there the whole time, shielded by the shadow of the door, watching you step past him.
"My apologies," he says, stepping aside, the candlelight giving you a proper view of his face. "I've just woken up, and my eyes are sensitive to the sun. I did not mean to startle you,"
Though your heart is pounding through your chest, and you feel like your legs will give out at any moment, you are oddly comforted by his the sight of him. A young man, tall and pale, not much older than yourself and quite strikingly beautiful. You've never seen his face before, though you think it looks strangely familiar, as if you've known him a long time. Youâre staring. And though you are aware of it, you donât tear your gaze away.
"Are these for me?" He looks down at your hand, where you hold your cookies close to your chest.
Wordlessly, you nod, extending your hand. Though you don't expect him to lower his head, his face dipping towards your outstretched hand, the tip of his nose barely grazing the pulse at your wrist.
He inhales.
The sound is soft, barely audible, and his eyes close for a fraction of a second.
They open again, and they find yours, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Thereâs a sharpness to his gaze, and it cuts straight through the cold, a dull, traitorous warmth blooming in your lower stomach.
"Smells delicious."
"Thank you," you squeak, shrinking under his gaze.
"My dear," his head tilts, brows furrowing, "You're trembling. You must've been out in the cold a while."
"Yes, well..." You glance toward the door. "Well, Iâ"
"I would hate to send you back out there." He takes the bag from your hands before you can finish, the motion smooth, unhurried. "Why don't you stay for tea?"
"Oh! Gosh, no, I couldn't possibly imposeâ"
"I insist."
As if he were commanding you, you find yourself staying, seated on an old-looking couch, the fireplace cackling, warming your chilled hands. Though it does nothing to ease your trembling. The grandfather clock in the corner ticks every second.
Soon, a small teacup is set down in front of you, as he pours both of you a cup from the pot. You look up as he sits himself across from you, face to face, and your palms dig into the couch cushion.
"I must admit, I'm quite delighted to have a visitor," he crosses one leg over the other, his posture upright, poised. It makes you straighten yourself out, embarrassed by your poor manners. "It's been a very long time. You said you moved here across the street?"
"Ah, Yes. My husband and I just moved." You raised your hand to show your ring finger. "Actually, we also just got married."
"Newlyweds. Congratulations," his voice is smooth, "What made the two of you move here?"
"Well, we're not from too far. Just across the southern river. And we looked at houses closer to home but... Something about this neighbourhood felt right. So we decided to start our life here." you smile briefly at the memory, "It's quieter here. Better for raising childrenâwell, eventually, of course. Hopefully."
You falter, the mention of children suddenly feeling far too intimate for a conversation with a man you met three minutes ago. There's a brief, expressionless pause before his mouth curves into a smile.
"It is a nice neighbourhood." He hums in agreement, "Very safe."
"Exactly."
The conversation lulls, and you use the moment to glance around the room. It's grand, immaculate, every piece of furniture polished to a dark gleam. There's no clutter. No photographs on the mantle. No second mug drying on the drainboard. The silence of the house surrounds you, deep and undisturbed.
Your eyes drift back to him. His hands were folded neatly around his teacup. Pale, long-fingered, ever so still. No ring.
It catches you off guard. A man like this, who is wealthy, well-spoken, and irrefutably beautiful in a way that makes your stomach feel strange, and yet he lives alone in a house like this. There should be a wife. There should be children.
Unless there's something wrong with him.
The thought surfaces before you can stop it. You're being judgmental. He's been nothing but polite. He invited you in from the cold. He made you tea. If he's a bachelor, that's his business. Maybe he's shy, maybe he prefers solitude, maybe he's simply never found the right person.
You don't ask. A married woman doesn't comment on another manâs status. The whole line of thought is dangerous, a door you shouldnât open.
His eyes are on you now, steady and watchful. Too watchful.
You drop your gaze to your untouched teacup to distract yourself, and the grandfather clock ticks.
Then, he laughs. Sheepishly, you watch as he takes a sip of his tea.
"I did not poison it, I promise,â he says, setting the cup down with a clink.
"Oh!" You gape, "No, no. I did not thinkâI mean, I did not mean to offend you, Mr. ...?"
"Please, call me Sunghoon."
"Sunghoon, then," you let out a sigh, "I'm sorry. I'm easily startled or, as my husband would say, 'a bit of a scaredy-cat,' but I really do appreciate you inviting me in."
"No offence taken. I understand. This is a pretty scary house," he laughs lightly, his voice dropping ever slightly, "and you are a vulnerable young lady."
You laugh nervously at his last comment, certain that he intended well. But it only makes you feel uneasy. Instinctively, your hand goes to the dainty cross at your neck. A habit you'd developed over the years.
"That is to say, you have every right to have your suspicions. And if I were your husband, I wouldn't take your safety so lightly." You don't miss the way his eyes move from you, down to your neck, "He is a very lucky man."
His eyes remain on your throat. You can feel them there, cool and steady, like a fingertip resting just above your pulse. The cross seems to warm under his attentionâor perhaps that's your skin, flushing with a heat you don't want to name. Your fingers stay wrapped around the little gold chain, clutching it as if it can shield you from something you can't quite see.
Stop it, you tell your body. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
You hold it so tightly the edges bite into your palm. A penance. A reminder. You are a woman of God. You are pure. You areâ
"A woman of faith, I see."
The fire pops, and a log shifts, sending a shower of sparks up the chimney. You flinch. He doesn't react. In fact, you aren't sure that you've seen him move at all, his body as still as a statue.
"Of course," you reply as naturally as you can sound, "...aren't you?"
"If I say I am not," he raises a brow, "What then?"
You pause, drawing a breath that feels too shallow and force your lips into something resembling a smile.
"Well," you swallow, "God did say to love your neighbour."
"Ah, Mark twelve, verse thirty-three." Sunghoon's smile doesn't waver. "To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbour as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
The verse hangs in the air, complete and precise, and the tension in your shoulders eases, if only a little.
"So you are a believer."
"I believe in many things." His voice is soft, almost musing. "I believe in life after death. I believe in sinners and saints. I believe some of us, while we may try to convince ourselves otherwise, do not belong in the light."
He then pauses, and you swear you watch his smile curl into something wicked, before he continues.
"I believe prayers can be answered. Especially the ones laced with shame, whispered breathlessly in the night."
Your teacup rattles, the sound too loud in the quiet room. You set it down, but your fingers are shaking so badly the porcelain nearly slips. The cold that has been hovering at the edges of you since you walked through the door now settles deep in your bones.
You look at Sunghoon, your eyes meeting his lingering, far too intense stare. The horrible ache inside of you, the one you've come to know all too well, the one that has haunted your dreams for years, begins to wake from its slumber.
Something is wrong. His demeanour. The way he doesn't seem to breathe or blink or move at all. His presence. The way he looks at you like he owns you, and how that look makes your thighs clench, an inexplicable heat overtaking you.
You nearly jump out of your skin when the grandfather clock strikes the sixth hour.
"Oh!" You laugh nervously, an attempt to conceal the small yelp that escaped you. "Look at the time! I should really go."
"So soon?"
"Yes! My husband should be arriving soon, so..."
You are scrambling for the door, heart thumping in your chest as he follows close behind. Picking up the pace, you grab your coat from the rack near the door. But before you can grab the knob and swing the door open, you feel his presence behind you, cold and seemingly lifeless. You turn.
"It was lovely meeting you," he takes your trembling hand in his, "I hope to see you again, soon."
He lifts your hand as if to kiss it. Though he doesn't. Not yet.
You hear the soft sound of an inhale, barely there, but unmistakable, a slow, shuddering breath. His eyes flutter half-closed, and you blink, frozen in fear, wondering for a brief second if your mind is playing tricks on you, or if he really just sniffed you like some kind of animal.
He then kisses your hand, his lips just barely grazing your knuckles, featherlight. You should feel horror. You should feel disgust. Both are there, you suppose, but beneath it lies something far more shameful.
In the still, empty silence, you let out the tiniest, neediest whimper.
It lingers long enough for both of you to process what exactly you had just done.
He looks up at you through his lashes with a grin, like the most beautiful predator you'd ever laid your eyes on. And, though you can't quite tell in the dim candlelight, you think the canines peeking out the edge of his smile look rather sharp.
With that look permanently etched into your mind, you run. No other words exchanged, no farewell. Youâre sprinting back down the street to your place, as fast as your feet can take you, not sparing a single glance behind.
A sigh of relief, though it sounds more like a sob, escapes you when you see Jakeâs car in the driveway.
Your hands tremble so violently the keys skitter against the lock, and when the door gives, you throw yourself inside, slam it shut, press your spine to the wood like you're holding back a flood. You breathe in and out. In and out. Chest rising and falling with every breath. Exactly how Jake had taught you to do every time your fears crept up on you too quickly.
"Jake?"
The house is completely dark, and only the silence whispers back. You take off your boots, your coat, throwing them to the side without care as you move. The floorboards creak beneath your feet, and the panic you had only just quelled begins to rise again.
"Jake, where are you?" You try again, this time a bit louder.
You check the living room. The dining room. The kitchen. Then, on shaky legs, you carry yourself upstairs, hand sliding against the railing as you make your way to the bedroom. Still, not a soul to be found. Your hands grip the doorway, nails digging into the wooden frame as you choke down your heavy breaths, blinking away the tears that threaten your eyes.
A pair of arms wrap around you from behind, and the scream that leaves you is almost inhuman.
"It's just me!"
You thrash around in his grasp, and Jake immediately lets go.
He steps back, palms raised, face slack with shock and guilt. You're shaking violently now, heaving as a single tear falls from your eyes.
"Just me, sweetheart." His voice drops, taking your hand in his and guiding you to the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have scared you like that. That's my fault, I'mâ"
You don't let him finish. You collapse into him, and he catches you without hesitation, his arms folding around your trembling form as you curl into his lap. He presses his lips to the crown of your head.
"Don't ever do that again."
"I won't." He murmurs into your hair, "Cross my heart, I never will."
You're sobbing into his chest as he whispers I'm sorries and I love yousâOver and over, until the words blur into a rhythm as steady as his heartbeat beneath your ear. You latch onto him like he's your lifeline. He is warm and solid and alive, and you cling to him with a desperation that should embarrass you but doesn't.
Only when your breathing steadies do you finally find the strength to speak.
"I missed you so much."
"I missed you, too."
"I missed you more." Your voice cracks on the last word, and you feel the tears threatening again.
"Shh. It's okay. I'm right here. It's okay." He smooths a hand down your hair, your back. "What happened, sweetheart? Did something happen? Why were you outside?"
"I..." you trail off, unsure how to even proceed as you sniffle. "I went to meet the neighbours... and... the house at the corner. The man there, he..."
It sounds ridiculous when you try to rationalize it in your head, and would probably sound even more ridiculous if you tried to say it out loud.
Sunghoon didn't technically do anything wrong. He only looked at you in ways that made you feel wrong. He said some things that could be interpreted as threatening, though he said it in a polite tone. He kissed your hand and had maybe sniffed you, if you even remember it properly, or if that's just your terrified, panicked brain making things up. He also made you whimper, but that certainly isn't something you can tell your husband.
The memory of it makes you let out another sob, feeling utterly pathetic and ashamed in his arms.
"Hey, talk to me," his voice drops, "What did he do?"
Swallowing your guilt, you pick up the pieces of the truth you can stomach to say aloud.
"The way he was looking at me, it wasâhe kissed my hand, andâ" you stammer, "I don't know. I don't know how to explain."
You can feel Jake exhale.
"Okay," he says calmly, matter-of-factly, taking in the information, "A creepy neighbour tried to hit on you? Is that it?"
Hitting on you. The phrase doesn't quite capture the feeling of being hunted, like a lamb who wandered aimlessly within a predator's reach.
You don't correct him, though. You nod your head, breathing heavy into his grasp as he smooths down the back of your head, holding you tight.
"I'm sorry," you feel the vibration of his voice against his chest. "You want me to talk to him? Scare him off, a bit?"
You picture that predatory gaze, the eyes of something sinisterâsomething demonic. Then you look to your husband: warm and bright and too good for this world. Your husband is the safest, strongest, and most capable man you know. Still, you are strangely terrified at the thought of letting him go there alone.
"I just want you to stay here. With me." You say, simply, "That's all I want."
"I'll always be here. Forever," he hums, circling your wedding ring, dragging your palm flat along his chest until it rests just above his heart, "That's what I promised to you. 'Til death do us part."
You close your eyes. You try to let the steady thrum of his heartbeat drown out everything else. Safe, you tell yourself. I'm safe. He's here. I'm safe.
It doesn't work. What exactly are you safe from? From a man who only looked at you? From a feeling that had started long before you ever set foot in that house?
The heat is still there, coiled low in your belly, waiting. It doesn't care that you're in your husband's arms. It doesn't care that you want it gone. It's been awakened, and it won't be going back to sleep.
You press your thighs together. You're still hot. Too hot. Jake doesn't notice right away, holding you in his arms, his hand still covering yours above his heart.
Your husband pulls back, cupping your face in his hands.
"You're burning up." He says gently, brows furrowed in pure-hearted concern. "You're really warm. Are you getting sick? You were out in the cold for a while, weren't you?"
You open your mouth to answer, but he beats you to it.
"Maybe we should just order takeout tonight. You should rest. I'll warm you a bath, and we can rent a movie. How does that sound?" His thumb traces the curve of your jaw, his eyes searching your face for clues he doesn't know how to read. "I can call in sick tomorrow, andâ"
"Jake."
Your eyes drop to his lips. You're still curled in his lap, your breath shallow, your thighs pressed together beneath your skirt. It takes him a second or two for his expression to shift.
Your mouth is on his before he can speak, hot and heavy, desperate to suppress the dark, deviant desire that refuses to leave you alone. You can't help yourself. Not when you're sitting in his lap like this, your arousal and guilt unrelenting.
He goes rigid, a startled sound catching in his throat. This isn't how you kiss. You never kissed him like this before you were married, and you certainly hadn't after, either.
Every night you've shared so far has been nothing but gentle and loving, always handling you with the care one would give a porcelain doll. He had learned of your fragility and your fears long before he ever learned your body, and made love to you the only way he knew how: carefully, tenderly. As if your pleasure was a gift to be earned and not a hunger you already carry.
Tonight, though, you kiss him with the kind of hunger a sexually repressed Catholic boy can only dream ofâthe kind he was taught to repent for, to pray away. You moan against his lips, the sound raw and almost wounded, clawing open his shirt and grinding against his hips like it's the only thing you need right now.
"Heyâhey, slow down." His hands close gently over yours, stilling them. His eyes search your face, wide and careful. "We don't have toâare you okay? You were just crying, and I don't want you to feel likeâ"
You shake your head. All you want is that horrible ache inside you to be gone, fucked away by the man you love, the man you married. You pull your hands free and push him back onto the bed. He goes willingly, propped on his elbows, still watching you with that tender, uncertain concern.
"Baby, I'm serious." Jake's voice cracks. His hands hover at your waist, twitching and uncertain. "I don't needâahâare you sure you want this right now?" The words tumble out of him, broken and breathless, even as his hips rise to meet yours. His body knows what it wants. His mind is still catching up. "You don't have to do this for meâ"
"It's for me." Your voice is low, almost like a growl, and his eyes widen.
You reach for the hem of your own dress first and pull it over your head. The fabric catches for a moment on your ear, on your elbow, and the clumsiness of it makes you want to scream. Then it's gone, discarded somewhere on the floor, and you're working at the clasp of your bra while Jake stares up at you with parted lips and dawning disbelief.
He reaches up again, hand hovering a moment before moving to yours, trying to still or slow your moments, but this time you slap them away. Your hands make quick work of his pants, as you do your own, and without a second to spare, you're staring down at his half-hard length, holding the weight of him in your clumsy, still inexperienced hand. You carefully watch his expression, brows knitted, lips parted, and when you tighten your grip ever slightly as you stroke him, he's thrusting up into your hand.
"Shit." He breathes.
You shift forward, lining him up with your entrance. Your underwear is still onâyou realize this too late, and the awkwardness of shoving the damp fabric aside makes your face flush. But you don't stop. You sink down onto him, and the stretch steals your breath.
You sigh at the stretch, not used to taking all of him so quicklyânot used to being on top, either, and your eagerness momentarily subsides, taking a moment to adjust. Then, with the awkwardness you'd expect of two adults who only started having sex a few weeks ago, you start to move, hands pressed down against his chest. He gazes up in awe, hands twitching at his sides before moving to your hips.
"Holy shit," he manages, the words repeating in broken moans, desperately containing himself from falling apart right there as he watches you, his gorgeous wife, take him with a newfound hunger. He looks wrecked already, his jaw tight with the effort of holding back. "If you keep moving like thatâ"
His hands tighten, slowing you. He's trying to pace you, trying to protect you from yourself, and the unbearable, oblivious tenderness of it is the last thing you can stand.
"Jake." Your voice comes out sharp, breathless, a frown tugging at your lips. "For God's sake. I'm not going to break. Just fuck me."
There's a moment of pure shock that lingers, and he goes still. Very still. A part of you almost regrets it. Maybe you frightened him. Maybe you've shown a side of yourself that you were never supposed to show, and now he'll never look at you the same.
He exhales a long, shaky breath.
His hands slide from your hips to your waist, then down to your thighs, gripping with an ownership he's never allowed himself before. He thrusts up into you once, testing, and when you gasp, he does it again. Harder. Your head falls back. A moan spills from your lips, and the sound seems to unlock something in him.
"Fuck," he breathes.
His fingers dig into your skin as he moves you, setting a rhythm that is no longer careful, no longer restrained. You try to match it, but you're still clumsy, still learning, and after a few desperate, off-beat thrusts, he makes a low sound in his throat and flips you onto the mattress.
Your face falls into the pillow. His hand presses between your shoulder blades, arching your back, and then he's inside you againâdeeper this time, fuller. The moan you let out is almost a sob. He pulls back and slams into you, and you feel the curve of his grin against the shell of your ear.
"You like this?" His voice is low, but still laced with that concern he always wears. There's a genuine curiosity to his question, a disbelief that lingers. "You like it rough?"
"Please," your desperate voice is muffled in the pillow, "harder, please."
He makes a sound, something between a laugh and a guttural groan, and his hand spreads warm across the small of your back.
"Look at you," he murmurs, almost to himself. "God, look at you. My wife."
He pulls back slowly, letting you feel every inch of him leaving you, and the anticipation is its own kind of torment. When he thrusts back in, it's deep and full, and the gasp you let out is his name. He does it again. And again.
His hand fists the sheets beside your head. His forehead drops to the curve of your neck.
"Fuckâ" His voice is ragged, almost disbelieving. "You're reallyâI can'tâ"
His thrusts grow deeper, harder, his hand pressing into the arch of your back as he drives into you with an indulgence he's never allowed himself. You can feel the tension, the pressure building. His name falls from your lips in fragments, and he answers with his bodyâfaster, deeper, more.
"That's it," he breathes, and the pride in his voice is new, too. He's proud of this. Proud of what he's doing to you. Proud of you. "I've got you."
You clench around him, crying out when he hits that spot inside you just right, clawing at the pillows beneath you. The orgasm seizes you and doesn't let go, and he feels it. Every pulse, every shudder. His rhythm falters and then breaks entirely.
His voice cracks, high and wrecked, and he buries himself to the hilt and stills, his whole body going rigid against your back. Then he's coming, too. Deep inside you, his hips jerking with each pulse, his groan a long, ragged thing that vibrates through you. He keeps thrusting, fucking his cum back into you, riding it out until he's shaking, until he's spent, until his forehead drops to the nape of your neck and his breath comes in great heaving gasps against your sweat-damp skin.
For a long moment, neither of you moves. He's still inside you, and you can feel his cum between your thighs, still draped over you, his chest pressed to your back so you can feel the hammer of his heart. Your body hums. The world is quiet. The only sound is your breathing, slowly finding the same rhythm.
Then he laughs.
It starts as a breathless little thing against your neck, almost disbelieving, until it blooms into something utterly delighted. His arms slide around your waist, and he pulls you with him as he rolls onto his side, still buried inside you, his face pressed to the curve of your shoulder.
"Who are you," he breathes, "and what have you done with my wife?"
He's grinning. You can feel it against your skin. His hand is flat across your stomach, holding you close, and he presses a kiss to the crook of your neck.
"Seriously. What wasâwhat's gotten into you?"
You turn in his arms, just enough to see his face. He's flushed, pleased, his eyes half-lidded and warm.
You snuggle into his chest, pressing your cheek to the warm plane of his sternum, and his arms fold around you automatically.
"Missed you," you whisper.
"Clearly." The word is thick with satisfaction, his voice still rough and low. He presses a kiss to the crown of your head. "Must've been real lonely, huh? Waiting for me to come home."
âNever leave again. Please."
He laughs softly, pulling you tighter against his chest. The sound rumbling through his chest beneath your ear. His hand moves in slow, soothing strokes down your spine.
"Sweetheart, if this is what I come home to, you couldn't drag me out that door." He presses a kiss to your hair. "I'll quit tomorrow. Become a stay-at-home husband. Live right here in this bed forever."
His breathing deepens, slows. His hand stills on your back. Within minutes, he's asleep, his lips still curved in the ghost of that grin, his body warm and heavy and trusting against yours.
You don't sleep. You can't. The satisfaction is already fading, replaced by the old familiar acheâa low thrum beneath the surface, waiting. You know the dreams will come tonight. You know what waits for you in the dark. But for now, you let yourself be held. For now, his heartbeat under your ear is louder than the guilt. For now, that's enough.
Like clockwork, the dream arrives. Tangled in your husband's arms, you glance to the window, feeling that same presence you always do, tainting your mind with lustful images you could not escape.
Except that tonight, the shadow has a face.
You've never seen a face in your dreams before. For years, the presence has been nothing but sensationâcold hands, sharp teeth, a voice without sound. A silhouette at the edge of your sleeping vision, tall and still. Never eyes you could look into.
Sunghoon's face materializes out of the dark. First the eyes, dark and depthless, then the sharp planes of his face, then the mouth that curved against your knuckles and made you whimper. He looks exactly as he did in the candlelight. Beautiful. Predatory. Waiting.
Why him? You wonder, visions of his lips at your neck invading your mind. Why now?
Though in your dreaming state, you don't have much time to ponder such questions. You're too consumed by the image of those sharp canines that you swore you saw, sinking into your flesh, his hands wandering the length of your body. You don't flinch. In the dream, you arch toward him. You offer him your neck. You come undone with his name on your lips, only a whisper in the night.
You wake with a gasp, still tangled in your husband's embrace, slick between your legs. Though Jake doesn't stir. His breathing is deep and even, his body warm and trusting against yours.
The ghost of your dream lingers, and you press your palm to your mouth to hold back the sob building in your chest.
Dawn comes pale and grey through the curtains, but you're already awake. You couldn't go back to sleep, no matter how hard you tried. So you stop trying. You slip carefully from the bed and pad barefoot to the shower.
You rinse yourself under scalding hot water as if scrubbing every inch of yourself could wash the dream away. You fold Jake's work clothes into a neat pile on the dresserâa reminder that you are a loving, faithful wife and not whatever your dreams make you out to be.
In the kitchen, the coffee machine clicks and hisses. You stand at the window with your empty mug in your hands, and before you've made the conscious decision to look, your eyes have found it. The house. His house.
Just looking at it makes your blood run cold.
You can't help but wonder why every curtain remains drawn, despite the large, beautiful windows. You wonder why he mentioned having "just woken up," though you'd visited him late afternoonâalmost eveningâyesterday. You think of the way he looked at you, sharp, calculated, like a predator who'd caught its prey. And those teeth, which now that you're thinking back, most certainly had to be sharp, like the ones in your dreams.
Curtains drawn. Cold hands. Sharp teeth.
"Morning, baby," Jake's groggy voice is heard from the hallway, heavy footsteps pattering into the kitchen.
You turn to greet your husband with a broken smile. He chases your lips for a kiss, hands at your waist as they slide down the length of your nightgown with a newfound easeâremnants of last night's confidence still lingering in his touch. You jump in his grasp, a sound of surprise caught in your throat, but you both turn your heads at the beep of the coffee machine.
He pours you a cup first, and you try to focus on his words, you really do. However, his complaints of a passive-aggressive boss and abundantly vague emails fall on deaf ears as your hands tighten around the warmth of your coffee mug, eyes unwillingly and unhelpfully drifting to the window every few seconds.
You hear your name on his lips, but only process it once his hand reaches out to rest atop yours.
"You're spacing out." His thumb moves in slow circles over your knuckles, "Everything alright? Or am I just talking your ear off?"
"Just... tired."
"That makes two of us," he smiles, the two of you sharing a playful look. But he's still watching you, still reading the tension in your shoulders. "Talk to me, sweetheart. I'm here."
Your thumb traces the rim of your mug, and then, before you can talk yourself out of it.
"Do you believe in supernatural things?" You start hesitantly, "Not just God, obviously, but... other things...?"
Your husband takes a slow, pensive sip of his coffee.
"This is about your dreams again, isn't it?"
He gives you that look. The same one your mother and father used to give you at the mention of your nightmares. Sympathetic, but doubtful.
You look down, and he sighs, lifting your hand to his lips. The kiss is gentle and warm, though you shudder regardless.
"Remind me. How long have you been having these dreams, again?"
"Years."
"Years," he echoes, "And how many times, in all these years, have any of your dreams ever hurt you? Really hurt you?"
You sigh, shoulders slumping, a quiet relief blooming in your chest at the sight of his easy, gentle smile. The sunrise peeks through the window just enough to cast a golden glow across his face. His brown eyes and honey skin, now illuminated, were warm and familiar like the fresh cup of coffee in front of you that you had yet to touch.
"They haven't."
"Then I think it's safe to say that whatever it is you're afraid of, that's just your extra creative brain coming up with new reasons to freak out." he taps your head, and you roll your eyes, cracking a smile of your own. "None of it is real. It can't hurt you."
You kiss him goodbye at the door, your worries soothed momentarily as you watch his car disappear around the corner. But soon after, as you're reaching into the sink to work on a day-old pile of dishes, you can't help but watch the house at the corner. You watch all morning. Not a single soul exits or enters the home.
The town library is exactly what you'd expect. The air is stiff, the scent of old books and dust, and an old woman behind the front counter glares at you over the rims of her glasses, like sheâs waiting for a reason to shush you.
You hadn't meant to come here. You were going to do errands. That's what you told yourself, anyway. But your feet carried you straight past the grocery store and straight through the heavy oak doors of the town library. And now, you wandered aimlessly through the aisles, unsure of what exactly you're looking for.
Dreams. You find a nonfiction book on dreams. You pull it from the shelf and flip to a chapter on nightmares. The author theorizes that our deepest fears materialize in our sleep, that the subconscious paints faces onto the things that frighten us most. A stranger who unsettled you. A presence that made you feel unsafe. The brain takes what it can't process during the day and works through it at night.
It makes sense. It's rational. He frightened you with that unsettling look in his eyes and his words, and your dreams gave him a form. It's a natural psychological response.
Then the book goes on to list common nightmare archetypes. The falling dream. The dream of being chased. The dream of being naked in public. Nowhere does it mention the dream where a stranger touches you between your legs, their lips on yours, then at your neck, or why you might envision them sinking their teeth into your flesh and drinking your blood. Nowhere does it account for the way your body responded.
Snapping the book shut and shoving it back on the shelf, you continue drifting with a little more purpose now. Past Town Records. Past Local Histories. Past a whole shelf of sermon collections by long-dead Reverends. Your fingers trail the spines, but you don't stop.
You turn down a narrow aisle in the back corner, away from the windows, away from the light.
The titles swimming into focus are older, darker, their spines cracked and their pages yellowed. Supernatural Histories. The Undead: A Historical Overview. Vampires Among Us.
Your hand reaches for one before your mind can stop it, failing to notice the pair of legs, long and lanky, stretched across the aisle, which blocks your path.
"Ohâ!" You nearly trip, steadying yourself against the shelf.
A teenager is wedged between the shelves and the wall. He doesn't even look up. His head is bowed over a thick, hardcover book that looks older than time itself, and the sound of heavy drums and electric guitar bleeds from the headphones clamped over his ears. His school uniform is rumpled, tie loose, blazer nowhere in sight. His hair is jet-black except for a single bleached strand.
You clear your throat.
Nothing.
You clear it again, louder.
He turns a page.
"Excuse meâŠ." You say a little more sternly this time, hands at your hips. "Shouldn't you be in school...?â You pause, glancing at his open backpack, at the name on his notebooks. "âŠNiki?"
He takes his time glancing up, eyes dragging over you with the lazy, unimpressed scrutiny only a teenager can manage. He takes in the sensible skirt. The ironed blouse. The cross at your neck. One pierced eyebrow lifts a fraction. He pulls his headphones down to his neck, his music a low hum.
"Shouldn't you be in the erotica section, or something?" He retorts, rolling his eyes.
"What?" You gape.
"Just saying." He gestures vaguely at you. "You've got the whole... repressed housewife look."
"Youâ" You give up halfway through your sentence, deciding your time shouldn't be spent exchanging comebacks with a boy who hasn't even graduated yet.
He goes back to his book, a ghost of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
You step over his legs, which he doesn't move an inch, and try to ignore him, scanning the shelf in front of you until you find the book you had your eyes on before. Locating it, you reach.
"Isn't the occult, like, the devil to you people?"
Your hand stops mid-air, and you turn. He's watching you now, the book in his lap forgotten.
"I'm just looking."
"Sure. Just looking." He closes his book finally, giving you his full attention for the first time, and you immediately wish he hadn't. "Listen, lady. Vampire smut's two aisles down. No judgment. I'm not your pastor."
"I already saidâ" The flush crawls up your neck. "I'm notâI would neverâ"
"You'd never," he repeats, flat. "Right. So what are you looking for in this section? A cookbook?"
Your hand is still frozen in the air, fingers hovering over the spine of a book with a lurid, painted cover. A woman in a torn nightgown, fainting into the arms of a dark figure with glowing eyes.
"I wanted to... research something.â
"Research.â
You nod weakly.
He pauses a moment, like heâs analyzing you. Then his whole expression shifts.
"Wait. For real? You're not just messing with me?" His eyes are wide now, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. It makes him appear even younger than he is, his mood brightening with childlike excitement. "You're actually researching vampires? Like, the lore? The real stuff? You're not just looking for sexy billionaire novels?"
"I don't know anything about sexy billionairesâ"
"Oh my god." He scrambles to his feet, all gangly limbs and sudden, startling height, and you take an instinctive step back. His face is absolutely alight. "Oh my god, that's sick. That's actually so sick. Nobody in this town cares about this stuff. Everybody here just thinks I'm some freak whoâ" He stops himself, clears his throat. "Okay. Okay. So. What do you want to know?"
He's already pulling books off the shelf before you can come up with an answer, scanning spines with the practiced eye of someone who has memorized every title.
"Okay, so. First of all, don't touch that one." He jabs a finger at the book you'd been reaching for. "Complete garbage. The guy just makes stuff up. Zero sources."
"You've read it?"
"I've read everything on this shelf." He says it with pride and a slight shrug. He pulls down a thick volume bound in dark blue cloth, its cover embossed with a faded silver symbol you don't recognize. "You want this one. Written by a Victorian occultist. Genuine primary sources. He gets into the super niche stuff most modern books ignore."
"Niche stuff?"
"Yeah, like. The running water barrierâthey can't cross it. Like rivers and lakes. Which is wild. And the mirror thing? It's not that they don't have reflections, it's that old mirrors were backed with silver, and silver's purifying. So the reflection was there, just corrupted. Sort of." He's talking faster now, words tripping over each other. "And then there's the soul-contract stuff, which is the real deep lore. Most people don't even know about it."
"Soul-contracts?"
"Oh, you have to hear about this." He grins, clearly delighted to have an audience. "Okay, soâvampires need blood, right? And most of them have to hunt for it. Every meal. Every night. That's a lot of work. So some of them, the older ones, the smart ones, they figured out a more... efficient system."
He flips through the book, looking for a page.
"They find a human who's desperate. Like, really desperate. And they make a deal. The human offers themselves upâtheir blood, their life force, whateverâand in exchange, the vampire gives them something that they want."
Your stomach tightens.
"Oh! That's..." You struggle to find your words, but force your voice to stay steady. "What kind of something, exactly?"
"Anything. Revenge, protection, a cure for some disease. Whatever the human needs so badly, they'd trade their soul for it." He finds the page, runs a finger down the text. "But the key thing is, the vampire can't just take. The human has to give permission. Willingly. Otherwise, the bond doesn't form. Hence, the contract part of the soul-contract."
"The bond?"
"Yep. The bond is formed only if it is totally, one-hundred percent mutual. The vampire is tied to the human just as much as the human is tied to the vampire. It's not a master-servant thing. It's..." He pauses, searching for the word. "Permanent. The connection can never be broken, like some eternally messed-up, toxic situationship."
Your hand has found the cross at your throat. You don't remember reaching for it.
"What I don't get," he continues, frowning at the page, "is how the whole thing starts. Like, how does the vampire hear the human in the first place? The book says it answers a call. Not literally a call, though. The words are weird. It says: 'A plea uttered from the deepest well of the soul, often in a state of such desperation that it transcends the mortal sphere.'"
"What kind of plea?" Your voice comes out as a whisper.
"Doesn't say exactly. But the book keeps comparing it to..." He squints at the footnote, then pauses, turns the page. "Huh. That's weird."
"What?"
"The language it uses. It says 'a prayer inverted.'" He traces his finger down the margin. "'Not all prayers reach the kingdom of heaven. Some are intercepted by hungrier ears.' Spooky, right?"
You can't breathe.
The cross burns against your palm. You press it harder, trying to ground yourself, but the world narrows to a single point: a memory. Your bedroom window. The winter wind on your wet cheeks. Your knees bruised against the floorboards.
I beg of you. If you cannot make this feeling stop, then I beg for relief.
"Hey." Niki's voice cuts through the static in your head. "You good? You look like you're gonna, uh... hurl. Or pass out."
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, no." He sets the book aside, straightening up, eyes narrowing. "You're definitely not fine. Was it something I said? I have a habit ofâI mean, my mom's always telling me I don't know when to shut up, so if Iâ"
"You didn't do anything." You shake your head, swallowing hard. "I just need some air."
âWait!â
You step back, your heel catching on the leg he's stretched across the aisle again. You stumble, and he scrambles to his feet, catches your elbowâa quick, awkward gesture.
"Sorry. Didn't mean toâI justâ" He pulls back immediately, shoving both hands in his pockets like he's been burned. He drops his voice to a whisper, then he stares straight at you. âYouâve met a vampire, havenât you?â
You blink.
"No." You shake your head too fast, an unconvincing laugh escaping your lips before you ramble on, "What? No. Thatâs ridiculous. Vampires aren't real. Arenât you too old to believe in these things? Please.â
âButââ
âI'm just... I'm bored. AndâŠâ You swallow, âI need to get home before my husband is back."
Thereâs a pause. A long one.
"Oh⊠I get it.â He gives you a knowing look. âYou can't tell anyone. Vampire confidentiality. Right?" He shifts his weight, suddenly looking less like a brooding delinquent and more like a kid who's spent too many lunch periods eating alone. You open your mouth to protest, but he continues. "Then, if you do see one. Hypothetically. Could you... ask something for me?"
You take in his wide-eyed, hopeful stare.
"The garlic thing. Is it true? Everyone's always arguing about it, but I think it's just complete crap.â
You let out a sigh.
"I'll keep that in mind."
He beams, looking like heâs about to jump up and down with joy, but quickly reins himself in, dropping his voice an octave and shrugging the excitement away.
"Cool... cool. Alright. I'll see you later, then, vampire research lady. I'm always here, so come and find me whenever you wanna, like. Hang out or something...You'll come back, right?"
You don't process any of it. Still shaken, you turn and walk. Past the shelves. Past the desk, where the old librarian still watches you with narrowed eyes. Past the heavy oak doors and into the cold, gray afternoon.
Not all prayers reach the kingdom of heaven.
You pull your coat tighter and start walking, not home just yet. You need to let yourself breathe before you go back to the house with the kitchen window that faces his door, before you have to look your husband in the eye and pretend the conversation you just had never happened.
Teenagers believe anything. You tell yourself with every heavy step, fresh snow crunching underfoot. None of it is real. It can't hurt you.
A thick snowfall arrives on a Friday afternoon, the following week. Schools and stores close, and a company-wide email advises everyone to stay inside. Jake stood at the bedroom window when he read it, watching the storm howl past the glass, and felt two things at once: a quiet disappointment that winter is nowhere near its end, and a much louder, much more immediate gratitude that he doesn't have to leave you today.
He's been worried about you. That's nothing new, actually. He's been worried about you since the day you met, when you laughed at one of his jokes only to screech at the sound of a twig snapping under your step two seconds later. He recognized something in you then.
To call it skittishness would be an understatement. There was a weight behind your wide-eyed stare. The look of someone who has been carrying something heavy for a very long time and has never asked anyone to help her hold it. You told him about your night terrors a month into the relationship. Sat him down, explained it like a warning, as if it could ever scare him off from pursuing you. He wanted to be the one to help. He still does. It's the quiet purpose of his life.
He was foolishly optimistic back then. The reality of what it means to live with you, alongside your fears, is not an easy responsibility to carry. You smile when you're sad. You deflect when he asks questions. You say I'm fine and change the subject and slide into his lap, and he lets you, because he loves you, because he doesn't always know the right thing to say, and maybe because some part of him is afraid that if he pushes too hard, he'll be devastated to find there's far more he doesn't understand about you than he realizes.
He holds you in the ways you ask him to. He soothes your fears without knowing what they are. He plays the role he's resigned himself toâhusband, protector, warm body in the darkâand tries not to notice the moments when your eyes go distant, when your hands tremble for no reason, when you stare into nothing like something else is there, staring right back.
It wears on him. He doesn't resent it. He could never resent you. But there are nights when he wakes up beside you, listening to you stir in your sleep and feels a loneliness he can't explain. Sometimes it feels like there is a part of you he cannot reach, a room inside you where he is not invited.
So he does what he can. He goes to work. He comes home. He holds you when you let him. He prays for you, even on the days when his own faith wavers. And when you reach for him, pulling him into bed with that desperate, devouring hunger that has become the new rhythm of your marriage, he gives you everything you ask for. He gives you more. Because in those moments, you are fully presentâyour attention is on him and not lost somewhere else. In those moments, he is not your caretaker or your protector. He is simply yours.
It's a relief he didn't know he needed. To be wanted. Not neededâwanted. There's a difference.
Jake's always been good at being needed. Being helpful. At smiling, nodding and letting others feel heard. It's something he carried into adulthood. Into his faith. Into his marriage, where his wife's fragility gave him a role he recognized: the steady one. The unneedy one. The one who holds and is never held.
But desireâreal, shameless, take-me-now desireâwas never something he imagined being on the receiving end of. He was taught that sex was a service a wife provided to her husband. A duty. A kindness. Something to be accepted with gratitude and restraint. He was prepared to be grateful. He was not prepared for you.
These past weeks, you've become something else entirely. You pull him in by the belt before he's shrugged off his coat. You beg him to be rough, to be merciless, to stop treating you like something fragile. The first time you said it, after the initial disbelief subsided, he nearly wept from relief. From the sudden, staggering realization that you wanted him the way he had always secretly wanted you. That the hunger was mutual. That he was allowed to be hungry at all.
He's been enjoying it more than he probably should. He knows that. Some old, stubborn guilt stirs in him every time he pins your wrists above your head, every time he hears you moan his name like a prayer. He used to repent for thoughts far milder than the things you do together now. But the guilt is quieter than it used to be. Quieter than the sound of your breath hitching. Quieter than the way you say harder and please and fuck me right now.
He assumes it's a side effect of your clinginess. You spend all day alone, trapped by the cold, left to the mercy of your own thoughts. Of course, you reach for him the moment he walks through the door. Of course, you want to be touched, held, filled with something other than the silence of an empty house. He's happy to be that for you. He's happy to be whatever you need.
He doesn't understand the whole of you. He'll never understand what keeps you up at night, and why it does. But he understands the curve of your hip, and the sound of your laugh, and the way your body answers his in the dark. And for now, with the snow piled high against the windows and the fire crackling in the next room and you warm and real and wanting in his arms, that is enough. It's more than enough. It's everything he didn't know he was allowed to ask for.
The neglected part of his heart that spent years believing desire was something to be managed, not feltâthat accepted loneliness as the price of being steady, that tucked itself away in the front pew and never asked for moreâthat part is wide awake, and it reaches for you helplessly.
All of that to say is: being holed up with you inside on a cold evening, he does the only thing that makes sense. He finds you in the kitchen, wraps his arms around your waist from behind, and presses his lips to the curve of your neck.
You giggle, leaning back into him, the wooden spoon still in your hand.
"You want me to burn dinner?"
"I want you," He punctuates each word with a kiss to your shoulder, your jaw, then your neck. "Want you all the time. Everyday. Every second."
"You're insatiable." You swat at his arm, but your voice is fond. "And a distraction."
"What's wrong with being distracted?"
"Jake." You roll your eyes, your tone playful but stern, "Go find something else to do."
"Like what?" He pouts, resting his chin on your shoulder, peering down at the pot.
"Maybe, shovelling the driveway?"
He groans. "I'll do that in theâ"
"Morning? You sleep like a log. Besides..." You turn in his arms, your free hand coming up to toy with the collar of his shirt, and a suggestive grin tugs at your lips, "You won't have the energy to."
"Oh?" His eyebrows lift, a slow grin spreading across his face. "Well, if that's the case..."
He presses a kiss to your cheek and pulls away.
"Don't miss me too much," He calls out as he makes his way down the hall, dreading having to bundle up for the cold.
"No promises."
He dreads it even more once he's actually outside, scrunching his nose as the icy cold hits him, like little needles against his skin. But seeing you move about the kitchen from where he shovels makes it all worth it. It's always worth it.
He's watched you sleep enough nights to know how hard you fight just to stay still. The way you squirm and pant and clutch at him, sweat beading at your brow, tortured by something he can't see and you can't name. He's learned not to wake youâit only makes it worse. So he holds you instead.
But morning always comes. You always smile at him over coffee, tired and brave, pushing through the day like the night never happened. Like you haven't spent eight hours running from something he can't fight for you.
So, really, the least he could do as a husband was shovel the driveway without complaining. Even if his back was beginning to ache as if he were a middle aged dad. He can clear a path. He can make one thing easier for you, even if it's just the driveway.
"Hello."
Jake lets out an embarrassingly high-pitched scream and nearly topples over into the snow, managing to brace himself with his shovel. He turns, letting out a sigh of relief when his eyes land on the tall, pale-looking man, who greets him with a closed-mouth smile.
"Man, you scared the crap out of me," Jake laughs, which dissolves into nervous laughter when he notices how the man does not laugh with him. He stands still, almost statuesque.
"My apologies. Jake, yes?"
"That's me." He adjusts his grip on the shovel and extends his free hand, tilting his head. "Do we know each other? I'm sorry, I'm terrible with faces."
"Sunghoon." The hand that meets his is cold, even through both their gloves. The grip is brief and precise. "A pleasure. I live at the corner. Your wife made my acquaintance last Monday."
Jake pauses a moment, his hand freezing mid-shake.
The house at the corner. The weirdo. The hand-kissing, too-long-staring, made-you-uncomfortable neighbour you'd come home crying about last week.
His brows furrow at the realization that this was the guy you were talking about. Although he was imagining someone much older and creepier. Not a polished, perfectly composed, and frankly quite handsomeâif Jake is being honestâguy his own age.
"You're the neighbour, huh?" Jake deadpans, shoving his shovel into the snow and standing up straight. He looks Sunghoon up and down, taking his time, letting his gaze drag. Sizing him up. He's taller. That's annoying.
"Yes. We had a lovely conversation. I wish to extend my gratitude."
"How kind. But not necessary."
"Oh, but it is."
"But it really isn't."
"I insist."
"Okay. Look, man. I'll give it to you straight," Jake frowns, eyes narrowing, "I know my wife is beautiful and perfect and all. That's why I married her. You got that? So, I think it's best if you leave her alone."
Sunghoon stares, wordless and expressionless, for a moment. Jake holds his ground, though the silence is starting to get uncomfortable.
Maybe he'd been too confrontational. Too harsh. Of course, you and your safety are his number one concerns, but from the way the man's face softens so earnestly, the fear of having possibly misjudged the entire situation starts to creep up on him.
"My apologies. It seems I gave you the wrong impression," His tone is bashful and all too disarming, and he clears his throat as he reaches for his pocket. "You see, ever since I lost my wife, I've become a bit of a hermit. But for a pair of friendly neighbours, I thought I might try getting myself out of my shell."
Jake's frown drops. He stands there in the snow, feeling like a complete and total asshole. He'd been ready to defend your honour, all puffed up and protective and righteous, and instead he'd just threatened a lonely widower who was only being kind. His mother would be appalled. His pastor would probably have words: Lord, we lift up Jake, who apparently forgot every single thing we taught him about loving thy neighbor.
Sunghoon extends an envelope, wax-sealed and dignified, held out with a leather-gloved hand.
"Oh." Jake takes it, and the wax seal feels like a personal indictment. "I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't mean toâI wasn't trying toâreally, I justâI'm so sorry."
"It was a long time ago." Sunghoon waves him off with a gentle grace that makes Jake feel even worse, somehow. "I take no offence. I was also quite protective in my first year of marriage."
Jake nods, grateful for the absolution, and sighs.
"When you really love someone, itâs like you'd do anything for them. You know. Move mountains. Fight a bear. Orâ" He gestures at the shovel, at his own puffed-up posture. "Accost a stranger in your own driveway, apparently."
"It's true." Sunghoon's mouth curves. "I once threatened a man on the street because he looked at my wife too long. She was mortified. I was unrepentant."
Jake laughs. "And she scolded you for it, I'll bet."
"Absolutely." Sunghoon's expression is something fond, something distant. "But you know..."
"The wife is always right," they say in unison.
"But we love them anyway."
"We do."
Jake smiles. It's the first time since moving here that he's felt something like this. The kind of easy conversation he used to have with friends back home, before the marriage, the move, the new job.
Sunghoon. An odd neighbour. He speaks as if he could be from another generation, hands out wax-sealed letters, and lives in a mysteriously large house all on his own.
Jake could understand why it might be off-putting. But Jake also remembers when you used to scream at the sight of your own shadow. When you'd cling to him at social gatherings in college and glare at every person in the room like they were trying to hurt you.
You've always been afraid. Of the dark. Of strangers. Of everything. He's learned to calibrate for it, to filter the world through the lens of your anxiety and adjust accordingly.
It's not intentionally dismissive. He listens. He tries to. But this time, he should've known that when you crawled into his arms crying over a neighbour who only did so much as look at you, that it would be what it always is: another false alarm.
A part of him still ponders what he could possibly mean by "a long time" when the man before him doesn't look a day over thirty. And even if he were, say, in his mid to late thirties... late thirties...? That's still too young to have lost a wife and had plenty of time to get over it. He does not dare to ask, though. You know, considering he's already accused the guy of hitting on his wife. Following that up with so, exactly how long has your dead wife been dead? feels like it might not improve the situation.
Sunghoon's gaze drifts. Past Jake, over his shoulder. Jake follows it to the kitchen window, where the curtain twitches. There's a flash of movement, quickly stilled. You've been watching the entire time.
"She mentioned being a bit timid," Sunghoon smiles a little, gaze torn away from the window. "If not both of you, perhaps just yourself? I would be glad to host regardless."
"He's weird, sure. But he went out of his way to invite us. I think he's just trying to be friendly in his own, you know, awkward sort of way." Jake rambles to himself over dinner. "A lot of the other couples on this block are a lot older than us. It would be nice to make friends with a guy my own age."
The dinner invitation sits open between you on the kitchen table, its wax seal broken, its cursive script elegant and old-fashioned. You stare at the words on the page, and all you can see is the way he looked at you through the window. The slow, knowing smile. The way his eyes had found yours through the glass, like he'd known exactly where you'd be.
"I think we should accept." Jake's tone of voice is unfortunately optimistic. And a part of you cannot believe half of what you're hearing, but the other part of you knows this is who you married: Jake, a man who assumes the best in everyone, who never enters a room expecting danger, who extends undeserved kindness to every stranger he meets. "Worst case, we learn to stay away. Best case, you have nothing to worry about. Either way, it will put your mind at ease."
Put your mind at ease. You nearly snort aloud. As if an evening in that house with that man could do anything but the opposite. Jake doesn't notice. He's already picturing the dinner party, already imagining a new friendship.
"...I'm not sure. Maybe we should think on it."
His smile falters. You know that look. It's the closest Jake ever gets to exasperation.
"Come on." He sets his fork down, and you feel the weight of his stare. "He lost his wife, and he lives in that creepy mansion all alone. Don't you feel a little bit bad?"
You offer no response, picking at your food. He gives you a few seconds, letting the tension-filled silence linger, and when it becomes clear you're not going to budge, he sighs.
"Well." He picks up his fork again, his jaw set with a gentle stubbornness. "You can think on it. I'm going."
"What?" Your fork is clattering against the table. "No. You can't go alone."
He blinks at you, fork hovering halfway to his mouth, his expression caught somewhere between confusion and the beginnings of a laugh. His brow furrows.
"Didn't know I needed supervision." The words come out light, almost teasing, but his eyes are still searching your face. He's trying to find the joke. When the smile doesn't come, the teasing edge fades from his voice. "I'm just going across the street, baby. What do you think is going to happen to me?"
"I'm just being cautious."
"Cautious?â He scoffs, âWhat, you think heâs an axe murderer or something?â
He waits for you to laugh, to roll your eyes, to admit you're exaggerating.
"Sweetheart.â His voice drops, frustration building up. âBe realistic. Seriously."
"I am realistic. He told me I looked vulnerable. Like it was a threat. Like I was in danger, I...â Your words are tumbling out faster now, more frantic, âHe sniffed me. That's not normal, Jake. Heââ
âSure he did.â
It lingers in the air a moment, and you stare, suspended in disbelief at how heâs looking at you as if you are a child describing a monster in the closet.
âYou think Iâm making it up.â
The dismissal is worse than the doubt. He's not even taking it seriously enough to disbelieve. Your hands are trembling. You press them flat against the table.
"I didnât mean it like that,â He starts, âSweetheartââ
âYou donât believe me.â
"I believeâŠ" He stops, taking a moment to reel in his thoughts. He lowers his voice to a tone that's more gentle and patient, acutely aware of how your breathing is growing uneven. "Maybe these nightmares are warping your perception of the people around you. Which is making you act a little judgmental."
He reaches across the table. His palm hovers over your knuckles, an offering. But you swat his hand away before it lands. It's a small gesture, but the impact of it lingers.
"You don't believe me." You repeat.
His frown is no longer patient.
"Do you even believe yourself?"
Jake looks at you, searching for something neither of you can name. For an answer. For understanding. For anything at all. You can't help the shame that creeps up on you, rotting you from the inside.
You don't know what you believe. All you know is that your dreams have a face now. The face lives at the end of your street and has invited you to dinner.
It would be so easy to say you're afraid of him. It wouldn't be a lie. But the truer explanation is also the most shameful: you want your neighbour. You've wanted him since he looked at you in the candlelight and made you feel like prey that was begging to be caught. But admitting that would mean admitting that the rot inside you was never his faultâThat all of this has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with the woman you've been trying not to be since you were old enough to know better.
You don't let yourself finish the thought. You never do.
Through the corner of your eye, through the kitchen window, a passing car's headlights reveal the sight of something in your yard. Something red, in contrast to the stark white snow, and you freeze.
"Listen, Iâm not trying to argue. I'm really not. I'm just trying to help. You canât be afraid of every stranger youâ"
"I just saw something." The words leave your mouth before you've decided to say them. "Out there."
Jake stops. His eyes follow yours to the window, where the dark has settled back over the yard like a curtain drawn shut. When he looks back at you, his frown is firm.
Holding Jake's hand, you walk with him through ankle-deep snow, his flashlight flickering ever so slightly. The beam is weak but steady enough to catch the trail he's tracking: small animal footprints, evenly spaced, leading toward the hedge at the edge of the yard.
"There," you whisper, though you don't know why you're whispering. "Behind the bush."
He angles the light. For a moment, the snow is just white and clean and untouched. Then the beam catches it. A bright splash of red, vivid against the pale. It's fresh. Still wet.
"Oh my god." Your hand flies to your mouth.
Jake crouches, his jaw tight, and pushes aside the lowest branch. The cat lies curled beneath the hedge, its fluffy white coat matted with blood. Its neck is torn, and two small punctures sit just above the collar, neat, precise, too deliberate to be random. You'd seen it in movies. You'd seen it in the book Niki flipped through at the library.
That night, after Jake calls the old woman across the street and breaks the news that her beloved house pet lies lifeless in your front yard, you find yourself curled up against Jake's chest. Your violent shaking and panicked breathing had now simmered down into quiet breaths and subtle trembling.
"There were no other footprints around."
"Hm?" His voice is thick with the sleep he's been fighting off.
"The cat."
Jake doesn't sigh, but the way his chest rises and falls tells you he was hiding his frustration for your sake.
"It was dark." His hand resumes its slow circles on your back. "We probably just missed it."
"I know what I saw."
"What do you think it was then, hm?" He teases lazily, thoughtlessly. "A scary cat-killing monster with no footsteps?"
He means it as a joke. Mostly. But you don't miss the edge in his voice, how it's sharper than it would have been an hour ago, before the argument at the kitchen table, before the cold trek through the snow to find a dead cat in your yard.
"A vampire."
The word lands in the dark between you and just sits there. Jake goes still. Then, slowly, he shifts upright, disentangling himself from you. The loss of his warmth is immediate.
He looks at you. Really looks at you.
"Okay. What is going on with you?"
"You don't think it could be?" You try, âTwo marks, side-by-side, at its neck. What kind of wild animal does that?â
"Is that a serious question?" He blinks at you, "Baby. Look at me. Please tell me you aren't serious."
You don't answer.
This time, he does sigh loudly, and with a small "come here," he's pulling you in his arms again. He settles back against the pillows, tucking you against his chest.
"Let's pretend, hypothetically, that your little conspiracy theories are real. All the vampires and the cat-killing monsters and the creepy neighbours with sharp teeth..." His voice is warm and tired and almost teasing. But mostly just exhausted. "Then I promise I'll protect you from all the big, bad, scary things out there. Okay? Does that make you feel better?"
It should. But all you can think about is the cat beneath the hedge. The two neat punctures above its collar. The way Sunghoon looked at Jake, curious and patient, eyes at his neck when he wasn't looking.
You don't need Jake to protect you. You need him to stay the hell away from that house. You need him somewhere the monster can't reach.
But he won't stay. He's made that clear.
"Jake?"
"Mm?" He's already drifting, the exhaustion finally pulling him under.
"I'll come with you."
You walk the short distance to the house at the corner hand in hand with your husband, his palm warm and steady around yours. The snow has stopped falling, leaving the street hushed and still, though you feel anything but peace. Jake's thumb traces small circles over your knuckles, a nervous habit he doesn't seem to notice.
"You're squeezing," you murmur.
"Am I?" He loosens his grip, shooting you a sheepish smile. "Sorry. I just want this to go well."
You know why. It's not just about making a good impression or redeeming himself for the confrontation in the driveway. He's trying to give you peace of mind, even if he has to manufacture it. A successful evening means a normal neighbour. A normal neighbour means your fears were just fears. He needs that to be true. For you and for himself.
The gate groans when Jake pushes it open, the iron scrollwork black and wet with melted frost. The cobblestone path is uneven beneath your boots, the same path you fled down some time ago with your heart in your throat and the phantom heat of a stranger's lips still burning on your knuckles. The house looms above you, every window dark, the curtains drawn against the fading afternoon light.
"Nice place, right?" Jake says under his breath. It's such a desperately optimistic read of the looming dark house in front of you. You'd call it a generous lie if you didn't know your husband any better.
The heavy double doors open before Jake can knock.
Sunghoon stands in the shadow of the threshold, tall and pale and composed. His smile is closed-lipped, polite, his eyes moving from Jake to you with an unhurried grace.
"Welcome." He steps aside, gesturing you in. "Please, come in out of the cold."
"I'd shake your hand, but my fingers are still thawing." Jake laughs, "Seriously though. Thanks so much for having us."
"The pleasure is mine. It's been a very long time since this house has had guests." Sunghoon guides the pair of you inside, and you don't miss the way his hand brushes your back. His gaze flicks to you, and the corner of his mouth lifts just slightly. "Welcome back."
You murmur something that might be thank you. The warmth of the foyer wraps around you as the door swings shut, but it does nothing to stop the chill working its way down your spine.
"Man, this place is insane. You could fit our whole house in this entryway." Jake is still shrugging off his coat, glancing around the foyer with wide, earnest eyes. Â He elbows you gently, grinning. "Why didn't we buy a creepy old mansion, babe?"
You don't answer, shedding your own coat, avoiding Sunghoon's stare.
"It's too much house for one person, I'm afraid. But it does have its charms." Sunghoon turns, gesturing toward the hall ahead. "Shall I give you the tour?"
"Yes, please." Jake nods enthusiastically, following him into the hall.
You trail behind.
Each room is just as beautiful as the last. The parlour with its heavy velvet drapes and furniture draped in dusty sheets. The study, lined floor to ceiling with books, a massive oak desk sitting dark and unused in the center. The dining room, where a long table has been set for threeâcandles flickering, silver gleaming. The formality of it all makes you feel like you've stepped into another century.
"My wife had a fondness for entertaining," Sunghoon says, noticing your gaze. "I'm afraid I've let the tradition lapse. You'll have to forgive me if I'm out of practice."
"Are you kidding? This is incredible." Jake claps him on the shoulder, already at ease. "Our dining table is just a couple of sad IKEA chairs."
It's in the music room that Jake stops dead in his tracks.
The grand piano sits in front of the large, draped windows. It's an ancient-looking thing, the legs intricately carved and the body engraved with winding patterns, with candelabras on either side, their wax frozen mid-drip. The ivory keys are yellowed with age, but the dark wood gleams, suggesting it's been properly maintained over the years.
Jake drifts toward it. His hand lifts before he seems to realize it, hovering just above the closed lid.
"No way," he breathes. "You play?"
"Occasionally. Though my wife was far better. It belonged to her." Sunghoon comes to stand beside him. "And you?"
"No, no. I just..." Jake runs a reverent hand over the closed lid. "I used to play guitar. Nothing fancy. Mostly in youth group, you know? Worship nights, that kind of thing."
"Ah, yes." Sunghoon's smile deepens. "A man of faith. Your wife mentioned it."
"Born and raised." Jake glances back at you, his expression bright with the pleasure of finding common ground. "Actually, I used to sing in the choir too, back when I was a kid. Drove the conductor insane because I could never remember the Latin verses."
"A church choir. Now that brings back memories." He hums, soft and almost wistful, "I sang as a child, too. Soprano, if you can believe it. Before my voice dropped and they had no more use for me."
"No way." Jake laughs, delighted. "Small world, huh? What denomination?"
"The details blur after a while." Sunghoon waves a hand, "Though I'm afraid my faith hasn't weathered the years as well as yours."
"Hey, I get it. Life has a way of testing you." Jake's hand finds yours, squeezing, as if to say, see? He's just a guy. A normal, lonely guy. "But the door's always open, right?"
"So I've heard."
You stand a few paces behind them, your hand limp in Jake's grip, listening to the easy rhythm of their conversation. It should be a comfortâyour husband, making a friend, building the life you'd both imagined for yourselves in this new town. But all you can feel is the way Sunghoon's gaze keeps drifting toward you even as he speaks to Jake. The way his smile never quite reaches his eyes.
You drift away, taking in the rest of the room while their voices fade behind you.
The bookshelf is built into the far wall, floor to ceiling, packed with old volumes in dark, cracked leather. You let your eyes trace the spines without really seeing themâsomething to do, somewhere to look that isn't the two of them. Most of the titles are in languages you don't recognize. Latin, maybe. Something older.
Then your gaze snags.
A book bound in dark blue cloth, its cover embossed with a faded silver symbol you recognize instantly. You've seen it before. In the narrow library aisle, in the hands of a bored teenager. Instinctively, your hand reaches.
"Have you read it?"
The voice comes from directly behind you, close enough that you feel the words stir the hair at the nape of your neck. You flinch, spinning on your heel, and find Sunghoon standing less than an arm's length away. You hadn't heard him move. You hadn't heard anything at all.
You look around frantically. Jake. Where is Jake? Where did heâ?
"It's local history, mostly. Folklore. Old superstitions." He reaches past you, his sleeve brushing your shoulder, and pulls the volume from the shelf. He turns it over in his hands, long pale fingers tracing the embossed symbol. "You don't strike me as the type to believe in such."
"I don't." You say too quickly, "I just find it interesting. The stories. The history."
"So you have read it."
His eyes meet yours. The candlelight catches them strangely, deepening the dark, and for a moment, you can't look away. You donât want to. Nor do you want to keep trying to convince yourself that the way he looks at you is anything normal.
"What about you?" You tilt your chin up. "Do you believe any of it is real?"
"I think Iâve told you before. I believe in many things." He slides the book back onto the shelf. "They say curiosity is a dangerous thing. It can be. Though I think a curious mind, who is drawn to things they cannot explain, is putting themselves in far more danger by resisting their nature."
"One might call it resistance. One might also call it none of your concern."
The words come out sharper than you intended. Sunghoon smiles, slow and knowing.
"The scaredy cat has claws." He doesn't step back. His gaze doesn't waver.
Against your will, your mind flashes back to the cat in your front yard, lying bloody and lifeless in the snow. A shudder runs through you.
Jake's footsteps echo in the hallway, and Sunghoon steps back, the space between you reasserting itself as if it had never closed.
"Anyway." Sunghoon's voice lifts, smooth and easy, perfectly timed to Jake's reappearance in the doorway. "It's quite an interesting read, even for a skeptic."
"Sorry about that." He says, expression half sheepish. "I kind of got lost on the way to the bathroom. This house isâyeah. What'd I miss?"
"Your wife was admiring my library," Sunghoon replies. "She has excellent taste."
The three of you sit at one end of the long dining room table, silverware grasped in your unsteady hands, your wine glass untouched. Sunghoon brought out the first courseâsomething rich and dark, red wine sauce pooling on porcelain. It smells delicious, and you watch Jake dig into it thoughtlessly. You move the food around your plate instead. Your mother would scold you for bad table manners, but you don't owe this man any manners. Not when heâs charming your husband to his face, and cornering you when heâs out of sight.
"So only a few weeks," Sunghoon says, refilling Jake's glass with a bottle that had no label. "Married, moved in, new job. You've been busy."
"Busy doesn't even cover it." Jake is already reaching for his glass, his shoulders loosening with each sip. "I barely have time to do anything like this anymore. Socializing, I mean. As much as I love being cooped up with my other half..." He shoots you a wink. "This is nice. Really nice."
"It is." Sunghoon hums in agreement. "I remember what it was like. The demands on a new husband can feel endless. The pressure to build something lasting, to be enough for someone who's given you everything."
"Yeah." Jake exhales, something in his posture softening. "Exactly. It's a lot sometimes."
Sunghoon's gaze drifts to yours.
"Of course, it's hard on the wives, too. I'm sure." He says. "The adjustment can be difficult. Old habits. Old fears. They don't disappear just because there's a ring on your finger."
Jake doesn't seem to notice how you shift in discomfort. Heâs already nodding, already raising his glass in a loose, tipsy agreement. He doesn't hear the implication. He doesn't see the way Sunghoon's eyes haven't left your face. He doesnât listen to you when you tell him to stop drinking, either.
One bottle turned into two, and you don't know how many glasses you've watched your husband down, but you know with certainty that he's far gone as you sit in the living room, stiff and silent while the men chat away. You don't listen. You're too busy noticing how your heart beats faster than the ticking grandfather clock in the corner, eagerly waiting to leave.
The fire has burned down to embers, a low red pulse that makes the shadows stretch along the walls. The record crackles to life, piano drifting through the air. Something slow and minor.
"My wife adored Chopin's nocturnes, but I preferred his sonatas. Though one could argue that everything he composed was excellent." Sunghoon places the record sleeve down, the edges worn. "I used to listen to this one to clear my head."
Jake stirs against you, lifting his head with visible effort.
"Oh yeah?" His voice is thick, syrupy. He squints at the record sleeve in Sunghoon's hands, then back at you. "I know someone who could use that."
He looks straight at you. His eyes are glassy, fond, and painfully oblivious. You glare.
"I'm just teasing, baby." His hand finds your thigh, squeezing. A drunken peace offering. It doesn't help at all. "Just teasing."
"Careful." Sunghoon's voice is closer now, light and teasing as he slides into the couch across from you two. "You'll end up sleeping on the couch tonight."
Jake snorts, and you watch something loosen in his shouldersâwatch him lean into the camaraderie of it, the easy, too-easy understanding that passes between them. He gestures with his glass, the dregs of wine sloshing against the crystal.
"She wouldn't let me. Who else is going to protect her from all the scary monsters and the dark?" He rolls his eyes, affectionately dismissive.
"Jake." It comes out as a whisper, a plea.
"You're scared of the dark?"
"She's scared of everything." Jake interrupts, his words slurring. "Scared of the dark. Scared of being alone. Scared of herself, even." He raises his hands in surrender, palms out, the gesture loose and exaggerated. "Don't ask me why. Nobody knows why. I've been trying to figure it out since we met, and I've got nothing."
He lets his hands drop, gazing at you with a sad, broken look in his eyes. Something only alcohol could drag out of him, and something he'll hate himself for in the morning.
"I don't know how to help." He continues, "I don't know what to do. I never know what toâ"
"Jake, stop it."
He blinks at you, the awareness that he's crossed a line he definitely shouldn't have dawning on him all at once. His shoulders hunch, invisible weight pressing down on him.
"Right. I should shut my mouth. I know, I know." He sets his glass down on the side table, clumsy, the stem rattling. His hand finds your knee and pats it twice, a sloppy apology. "I don't know what I'm saying. I'm not trying to be mean, sweetheart. I just⊠don't understand you."
"I know."
"I try. I promise, I try."
"I know you do." You soothe him, feeling his weight press against you. You turn to Sunghoon. "I think he's had too much to drink. We should probablyâ"
"I try, just..." He exhales, long and slow, the last of the fight going out of him. "Just... can't..."
His head dips forward. His shoulders go slack. The weight of him against your side becomes dead weight, heavy and still.
"Jake?" Your hand moves to his chest, shaking gently. Nothing.
His breathing remains deep and even, but there's no flicker of consciousness beneath his eyelids, no reflexive squeeze of his hand where it lies slack in yours.
"Your husband." Sunghoon hasn't moved from his chair. The firelight catches the pale angle of his jaw, the dark gleam of his eyes. "He's lovely."
"He is." The words come out defensive.
His gaze then drops to your throat.
Your hand twitches up. Beneath your blouse, the cross rests against your heated skin. You wore it like this on purpose, tucked away so you wouldn't be tempted to reach for it, so he wouldn't have the satisfaction of seeing you clutch it like a shield. Still, your muscle memory betrays you.
"Though, not quite as lovely as you."
You dart your gaze away immediately, redirecting your attention to Jake. You shake him with less care and more urgency.
"Jake." You hiss his name under your breath, a prayer and a plea. "Jake, wake up."
He returns nothing. Not a twitch. Not a flicker of consciousness.
"Please." Your voice is rising now, shedding its careful composure. "Please, Jakeâ"
"He's not going to wake up."
Sunghoon's voice is certain.
Your hand stills on Jake's shoulder.
"What did you do to him?" Your voice is low. Gone was the politeness you'd faked for your husband's sake.
He smiles.
"Nothing. He drank my wine. Enjoyed good company. That's all." Sunghoon states plainly, "He's exhausted. You've noticed it, haven't you? The dark circles. The way he collapses the moment he's home."
Your gaze drops to Jake's face. To the shadows pooled beneath his eyes. The way his hand, even in sleep, rests on your thigh like he's still trying to anchor you. Your throat tightens. You've done this to him. Your fears. Your clinging. Andâ
"And the nightmares," Sunghoon continues, his head tilting. "The things you call nightmares. They must be so tiring for him to tend to."
A slow, creeping horror spreads through your chest as you stare back at him.
"But they're not really nightmares." His voice drops, low and intimate. "They never have been."
You move before you can think.
"Jake." Your hand closes around Jake's arm. You pull, trying to drag him upright, trying to haul his dead weight off the couch. "Jake, get up. We're leaving. We're leaving right nowâ"
His body is heavy and uncooperative, slumping against you, and you're not strong enough, but you try regardless. You try because you can see Sunghoon start to rise from where he's seated from the corner of your eye.
You reach to set down your wine glass. You need both hands. You need to grip Jake properly and drag him out of this house, even if you have to crawl. But your hands are shaking, and the glass comes down too fast.
It shatters.
The sound is obscene in the quietâa bright, crystalline burst, shards scattering across your hand, across the coffee table and onto the carpet.
Immediately, the pain rises through your palm, and you hiss, jerking your hand back. You watch the blood well upâdark in the low light, beading along the cut and spilling over, sliding down the curve of your wrist.
A single drop falls to the carpet.
Then you hear it. A low, ragged inhale, shuddering and deep, as if the air itself has become something to be devoured. Your head lifts before you can stop it.
He's already above you, his presence caging you into the couch, and the expression on his face has changed. His eyes are dark. His lips have parted. His whole body is still, but it is not the stillness of composure. It is the stillness of a predator in the moment before the strike.
He reaches down. Takes your wrist. The motion is nothing gentle, but there is a restraint in his grip that makes your pulse hammer against his fingers. He draws your bleeding hand toward his face, eyes fixed on the red tracing its way down your palm. He lowers his mouth to it.
"Sunghoonâ"
He inhales, and the groan that escapes him is low and guttural, pulled from somewhere deep in his chest. It is pure hunger, pure want, and it makes your thighs press together where you sit, a traitorous heat blooming low in your belly that you cannot control.
"What are you?" Your voice is a mere whisper, weak and trembling. "What do you want from me?"
"You know what I am. You've known me a very long time." His fangs catch the firelight, sharp and unmistakable. He turns your wrist over, watching a bead of blood trace down your palm. "As for what I want... All I've ever wanted is what you promised me all those years ago."
The memories come back to you all at once: The dreams. The cold hands on your bare skin. The sharp teeth sinking into your neck while you begged for it, night after night, year after year. The presence at your window that was never a nightmare at all.
It's always been him.
"For so long, I've waited." He shudders, and the sound is almost pained. "For even just a taste of what is mine."
You watch, frozen, as his lips close around your fingers. His tongue moves against your wounded hand, lapping at the blood with a hunger that feels obscene. His eyes flutter shut. A tremor runs through him, and you feel it echoed in your own body.
Your husband lies sleeping three feet away, a monster is drinking from your hand like a man dying of thirst, and you cannot speak. You cannot do anything but watch and feel the shameful heat pooling between your thighs, the ache you've spent a lifetime trying to pray away now so acute it nearly doubles you over.
A whimper catches in your throat. You try to swallow it back, but it escapes anyway, small and utterly pathetic. His eyes open at the sound, fixed on yours as you watch the slow movement of his throat as he swallows. Your breath is coming short, and you nearly forget how to breathe entirely when his knee comes up to the couch, just between your thighs as he leans over you. Your free hand is pressed flat against your thigh to keep it from reaching for him.
When he finally pulls his mouth from your fingers, a thin strand of saliva, stained with your blood, connects his lower lip to your skin.
"Just a taste..." he breathes, the words ragged. His grip on your wrist tightens, not enough to hurt, but enough to make clear he is holding himself back by a thread. "It's not enough."
"Please," You shake your head. "Please, I don'tâ"
"Don't you remember? The way you kneeled before me. How I answered your call." His voice drops. "I promised you reliefâin exchange for you. For your blood. Your flesh. Your soul. Your innocence. We made a deal."
The soul-contract.
Permanent. Mutual. Even if the vampire dies, the connection doesn't break.
You had hoped it was all folklore. Even after you saw his fangs, after he tasted your blood. Some small part of you clung to the belief that the promise you made at your window was nothing more than a desperate girl's cry into the dark.
But the deal was real. Your marriage, your faith, your husband's gentle loveânone of it could change what you'd already given away.
"Why now?" Your voice cracks. "Why me. Whyâ"
"You have no idea how torturous it was. To be bound to someone I could not reach." His voice is ragged now, stripped of its usual composure. "To feel your wanting every night. Your dreams, your shame. To be unable to touch you. To be unable to drink you. Unable to even stand at your window and watch you."
His eyes find yours, and the hurt in them is so raw, so genuine, that for a moment you forget he's a monster.
"And then you moved across the river. Across the street. I thoughtâfinally. Finally, she's come to me." His expression hardens. "But you came with him. You let another man touch what was already mine. How could you do that to me?"
The running water barrierâthey can't cross it.
You remember when you viewed the house in this neighbourhood. The unmistakable, almost unsettlingly strong pull you'd felt. You'd taken it as a sign from God that this place was right. That your future belonged here.
So you left your childhood home behind. You crossed the southern river. You brought yourself within his reach, and you brought your husband with you.
God. He hadn't been the one to answer your prayers. He hadn't guided you on the right path, either. Perhaps you'd let him down too many times. Perhaps your faith was too bleak, too fragile. Or perhaps he'd stopped listening altogether the night you knelt at your window and begged for something He couldn't give.
"I felt everything. Every touch. Every kiss. His name on your lips." His gaze cuts to Jake's sleeping form, a strange sort of understanding surfacing beneath his frown. "I even felt your love for him."
He is quiet for a long moment, and so are you. Then, his gaze returns to you.
"I cannot understand how you could love someone else. Though, I also cannot blame you for needing someone in my absence."
His mouth is at your throat now. You feel the graze of his fangs against the thin skin over your pulse, the place where your blood beats closest to the surface.
"But I am here now. Do not deny me any longer." His voice is a murmur against your neck, each word a brush of cool lips. "I've been so patient, my love."
Your pulse is racing, warm and alive under his cold touch. Your blood sings to him, practically begging to be taken. Though he doesn't bite.
You remember why before you can question it: The soul-contract requires permission.
Your body is screaming for you to give in. Your hand wants to curl into his hair and press him closer to your neck, to offer yourself and enjoy every second of it, the way you have done so in every dream you've ever had of him. You are trembling with the effort of holding yourself still as you imagine the pleasure, the relief.
Then you look to Jake, the peaceful look on his face, his soft breathing.
"Don't."
His hand stills. Then it withdraws entirely. The loss of contact is almost worse than the touchâyour skin aching where his palm had rested, your pulse hammering against nothing.
His expression shifts, tenderness replaced with something wounded.
"That night." Your voice trembles, but you force the words out. "It was a mistake. I was young. And desperate. That's all it was."
"You can lie to your husband. You can even lie to yourself. But you cannot lie to me." He frowns. "I can smell your desire from down the street. It reeks."
"I don't desire this. I don't. I don't want it. I just want to be left alone." You shake your head as the words fall out, painfully unconvincing. The tears come before you can stop them, spilling over your cheeks. "Please. Please leave me alone."
He watches you weep, ever so still and silent. Then, his hand rises, near your face. For a moment, you let yourself lean into the possibility of the touch, the cold comfort of his fingertips.
"These tears." His voice is barely a whisper as a single finger traces the track of your tears. "You only cry because you continue to deny yourself."
You sniffle. Blink. Meet his gaze through the wet blur of your lashes.
"You've tormented me for years." You try to sound angry. Your voice doesn't obey. "You've ruined me. And now you're ruining my marriage."
"Tormented?" His brows furrow, and he studies your faceâthe parted lips, the flushed cheeks, the wet gleam of your eyes. His hand remains at your cheek. His touch is cold. It soothes, momentarily, the all-consuming heat inside you. "You have it all wrong. I've loved you for years."
"Love." You'd laugh if you weren't crying, "You're not in love. You're hungry."
"Hunger is the purest form of love. It doesn't think. It doesn't negotiate. It simply wants." He tilts his head. "You know that. You've been hungry your whole life. You hunger for something only I can give you. Something only we can share."
You think of the ache. The one that never goes away. The one you've tried to pray away, fuck away, hide away in the deepest part of yourself. It pulses now, insistently, and you know he could make it stop.
You pull away regardless. Your body screams, but you ignore it. You will not give in to temptation. You will resist.
"Stay away from me."
His expression doesn't change, but the air between you feels as if it does. He looks at you for a long, unreadable moment. Then he inclines his head.
"Very well."
The firelight catches his faceâhis terribly beautiful face. It hurts to even look at him.
"You're stubborn." His hand drifts from your neck, his gaze longing. "So was I."
He brings his palm to your forehead, and your eyelids grow heavy. The weight of slumber threatens to pull you under, and you try to fight it, but your body is no longer yours to command. It hasn't been for a long time.
"But you know, my dear..." His voice is the last thing you hear, "A vampire still needs to feed."
His gaze shifts past you. Toward the couch. Toward Jake.
You aren't able to protest.
The record still plays, the second sonata in its third movement, and it lulls you, allowing the darkness to swallow you whole.
You wake slowly, your body rising before your mind can follow. The first thing you register is warmth. The second is wetness, a slick, shameful heat between your thighs that tells you the dreams have come again even if you can't remember them.
The third is the press of your husband's body against your back. Hard. Insistent.
"Shit, baby." Jake's voice is rough, his arm tightening around your waist. "You're killing me."
Your husband.
You lurch forward, twisting in his grip, your hands finding his shoulders and pushing him flat against the mattress so you can climb over him. Your heart is pounding from the images that linger at the edge of your memory like a flickering candle flame. His face. His teeth. Your blood on his lips. The way your husband slumped against the couch, and how he moved towards him.
"Jake!" The name tears out of you. Your hands cup his face, thumbs pressing into his cheekbones, tilting his head left and right. "Jake, you're alive."
He blinks up at you, squinting against the pale morning light. His hair is a mess, flattened on one side, and there's a crease from the pillow pressed into his cheek.
"Ugh. Barely." He groans, scrubbing a hand over his face. "How much did I drink last night? I feel like I got hit by a truck."
Your hands are still on his face, your eyes still searching.
"Do you... do you remember anything?"
"Uh..." He hums, his brow furrowing with the effort of recollection. "The meal was amazing. And the wine. A lot of wine. And..." He shifts, adjusting himself with a wince. "I remember thinking our neighbour's a really cool guy."
Your heart drops into your stomach.
"I could see myself being friends with him."
Friends. With him. With that monster. You bite your tongue.
"Do you remember anything else?" You ask a little quieter this time.
"Should I be remembering something else?" He props himself up on his elbows, his expression shifting from groggy to concerned. "Did something happen?"
"Do you remember passing out on his couch?"
His eyes widen.
"I did? Shit. That's... so embarrassing." His hands come up to his face, a half-groan, half-laugh leaving him. "It was fun, though. You had a good time too, right?"
You don't answer. Your gaze drifts to his neck, to the skin just below his jaw. There they are. Two small punctures, red and slightly raised, the skin around them faintly bruised.
A vampire needs to feed.
You reach, your fingertips brushing the wounds. Jake flinches.
"What is that?" He twists away from your touch, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and stumbling toward the mirror above the dresser. He tilts his chin, squinting at his reflection. "Huh. Looks like mosquito bites or something. Weird time of year for bugs."
"Vampire bite."
Jake's eyes meet yours in the mirror. For a moment, his expression is unreadableâcaught somewhere between confusion and a smile, like he's waiting for the punchline. Then his face settles into something flatter. Tired.
"Ha. Yeah, right. Very funny." He turns from the mirror, reaching for a T-shirt on the floor. "Don't tell me you're still serious about that."
"I am serious."
He pauses, one arm in his sleeve, the other still free. He turns to look at you over his shoulder, his expression wholeheartedly, genuinely, bewildered with disbelief.
"Baby." He pulls the shirt the rest of the way on. His voice is groggy, too tired to give your seeming absurdity any real argument. "Come on."
"You don't understand, youâ" At the fuzzy recollection of the previous nightâthe glass shattering in your hand, and the wound he licked clean, you scramble to show Jake your hand, holding out your right palm. "Look. I cut my hand and he..."
Your voice trails off, seeing your hand. You turn your hand over, flexing your fingers. You know you didn't imagine the pain of the glass piercing your skin. You know you watched him devour the blood from your open wound. And yet, there isn't a single mark. Not even a faint scar. Not a trace of proof to show him.
"Sweetheart. Look at me." Jake says slowly, calmly. "Are you actually suggesting that our neighbourâwho, by the way, invited us into his home and made us dinnerâis a vampire?" He waits, watching you. Watches how you don't answer, how you ignore him and continue to inspect your hand for proof that isn't there. "You can't be serious. Vampires aren't real. They're Halloween costumes. They're shitty movies. They'reâ "
"Jake. Justâlook at your neck." You gesture, and his hand flies up instinctively to the wound. "It's literally right there. We're both looking at it."
"These areâI don't know what they are. An allergic reaction. A spider bite. I don't know. But it's not..." He stops himself, shaking his head. "You believe this. You actually, genuinely believe that Sunghoon is a vampire?"
"He is."
Neither of you moves.
Jake stares at you. You stare back. And for a long, strange moment, you're both just standing there in your bedroom looking at each other like you've each just discovered the other is speaking a foreign language.
"I don't..." He passes a hand over his face. "I don't even know what to say to that."
"Say you believe me."
"I don't." He exhales, long and slow. "Baby, you're asking me to believe in actual, literal monsters who drink blood and sleep in a coffin and turn into bats."
"He doesn't turn into a bat, orâ"
"Oh, well, that's reassuring. Thank you for clarifying." He scoffs. "I can't believe what I'm hearing. I can'tâit's too early for this."
"Jake," you plead, "I know it sounds crazy. But I know what I saw."
"What did you see?"
The question hangs in the air between you. He poses it the same way he always does, when he asks about your nightmares. And you realize, with a sinking, gut-wrenching clarity, that there is no answer you can give that he will believe.
You could describe the fangsâsharp and white and gleaming in the firelight. You could describe the sound he made when he smelled your blood, animalistic and starving. You could describe the way his mouth closed around your fingers, the way his tongue moved against your skin as he drank from your hand.
You could spend hours, talking in circles, trying to explain it. It doesn't matter. Jake didn't see it. He would only look at you with those patient, loving eyes and say you had a nightmare or you were scared and the wine got to your head.
"Hey." His voice softens. He crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed beside you, his hand finding yours. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad."
"I know."
"Where is this coming from?" He asks, "The vampire talk. Is it your dreams?"
You nod. It's true, even if not the whole truth.
"Tell me about them." His thumb traces your hand. "I know you don't like talking about your dreams. But I can't help you if you don't tell me."
Jake waits. When nothing comes, he squeezes your hand.
"Please. I want to understand. Please give me something." His fingers lace through yours, intertwined with his hand, "I'm your husband. You can tell me anything."
The words are right there. My dreams, my sins, the things I prayed for in the dark, Â the monster that answered. But they don't come. Saying them out loud means admitting what you'd done, what you brought into your marriage and haunts the space between your thighs when you wake in the dark. What you still, in the deepest and most secret part of yourself, want.
He wouldn't see the woman he thought he married. He'd see filth. Sin. Your rotting, corrupted soul. A woman who begged evil to touch her.
"I don't think my dreams are just dreams anymore." The words come out barely a whisper. You can't bring yourself to tell him the rest. "I'm so scared, Jake."
The sob that follows is ugly and raw. You crawl into his lap like you did a few weeks ago, your fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt, your face pressed to the warm hollow of his throat. And he holds you. Like he always does. Like he's come to expect.
"Okay," he murmurs into your hair. "Okay. I've got you. It's okay."
But it's not okay. Even now, with his arms around you and his heartbeat steady beneath your ear, you feel it. That hunger. A ravenous void inside you, hot and insistent and utterly indifferent to the tears still drying on your cheeks. It never leaves. It's always there.
Your hand moves before you can stop it. Sliding up his chest. Curling into the collar of his shirt. Your mouth finds his.
He lets you kiss him, his lips parting under yours, a small sound of surprise caught in his throat. His hands come up to your waist, steadying you, and for a moment it's like every other timeâthe familiar heat, the familiar hunger, the familiar way your body presses into his like he's the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.
You climb deeper into his lap, your knees bracketing his hips. You roll against him, a slow, desperate grind, chasing the friction that might quiet the ache for even a few seconds.
You need him to be enough. You need him to be the answer, the cure, the thing that scares the monster out of you.
"Baby." His voice is breathless, his hands tightening on your waist. "Slow down."
You don'tâyou can't. Slowing down means thinking, and thinking means remembering the cold hands, the sharp teeth, his mouth on your fingers while your husband slept three feet away. So you kiss him harder. You grind down against the pressure in his underwear, a desperate little sound escaping your throat.
"Hey." His grip shifts, trying to tame you. "Hey, slow down. Justâ"
Your hand drops to grasp him, but he's quicker than you. He closes around your wrists, and your back hits the mattress, his weight settling over you, his knees bracketing your hips. He keeps your hands pinned down on either side of your head, breathing heavy above your form.
You thrash. Not playfully, either. Not with a smile or a giggle or a pout. It's a full-body thrash, fuelled by a sharp and sudden frustration, verging on genuine anger. You twist beneath him, trying to free your hands, trying to arch up into the heat of his body.
"Stop." His voice is quiet. "Just stop. For a second."
You thrash again. You hiss his name, and you even try to kick him, but he shifts his weight enough to keep you fully restrained. He doesn't budge. His grip on your wrists is secure, his weight solid and unmovable.
It's only when you feel your tears sliding from your temples into your hairline that you realize you're still crying. You must look insane. You must look like exactly what you are: a woman trying to fuck her way out of her own damnation.
"Please." The word comes out broken, barely a whisper. You don't know if you're asking him to let go or to never let go.
"No." He shakes his head. "We're not doing this."
"Why not?"
"Every time you get scared, or something upsets you, you climb into my lap and kiss me. I don't know what you're trying to do or why, but..." His voice isn't quite as steady as it usually is. A hitch in his breath, a flicker of something else. He swallows. "I can't just fuck the hurt out of you. It's not right."
"It helps." Your voice cracks. "Please. Just help me."
He stares down at you. His eyes are so tired. So unbearably, impossibly tired. And beneath the exhaustion, there's something you've never seen before.
"Sweetheart." He whispers. "You're scaring me."
Your body goes slack beneath him, but his grip doesn't loosen. He still holds your wrists against the mattress, still keeps his weight braced above you, still watches you with those wide, careful eyes. Like you've gone rabid.
He shouldn't have to hold me down, you think. A good wife doesn't need to be restrained.
A good wife doesn't claw at her husband while she's still crying. A good wife doesn't grind against him like a bitch in heat, chasing a relief he can't give her, chasing a hunger that has nothing to do with love. A good wife doesn't show her burning desire. Desire belongs to the husband. It's his to wield and use, and for her to accept it.
But here you are. Pinned to your own marriage bed for all the wrong reasons, your face wet with tears you can't explain, your body still aching with a want he didn't ask forâa want to be consumed, to be devoured without shame, without guilt. Of course he doesn't know what to do with it. You crave something he cannot give you.
The fight drains out of you all at once, leaving nothing but the hollow ache and the shame and the terrible, traitorous thought that rises up before you can stop it.
Sunghoon wouldn't stop.
Sunghoon wouldn't be scared. He would see the hunger on your face and recognize it. He would give you exactly what you were asking for. He would pin you to the mattress and sink his teeth into your throat and make the ache disappear. He wouldn't try to save you. He would let you drown.
"Baby?"
Jake's voice cuts through the dark. You blink, and the fantasy recedes, with Sunghoon's face dissolving, the cold hands retreating, the sharp teeth fading back into the shadows where they belong.
Your husband is still there. Still hovering over you with that furrow between his brows, that gentle, worried look he's been wearing for weeks. He's been talking. You haven't been listening.
"I think I know what's going on."
You look up.
"We haven't been to church in weeks. Either of us. Ever since the wedding, we've just... let it slip." His voice is so certain. "You're losing touch with God, and it's scaring you."
Losing touch.
Your eyes land on the cross around his neck, catching the pale light from the window. It's the same one he was wearing when you met him all those years ago. You've never seen him without it.
Jake is a good Christian. He always has been. His faith has never wavered, never faltered, never turned its back on him the way yours turned its back on you.
Foolishly, you'd once hoped that his goodness might rub off on you, that marrying a man who loved God so easily might help you remember how to do the same. Now you wonder if you're doing the opposite. If you're the one dragging him away from the light.
"I'm not saying it's the whole answer. I'm just saying... maybe it's a start." He presses a kiss to your head. "Let's go. Together. It can't hurt, right?"
The hope in your chest is as steady as a single lit candle in the wind. Somehow, it still burnsâIt flickers, it wavers, but it still burns. You don't know if it's because you're too stubborn to let it go out, or if you only cling to it because it's the only thing you know.
"Yeah," You nod. You try a smile, though it feels stiff against your cheeks. "Let's go."
The church is small and quaint, an old-fashioned-looking chapel. Stained glass windows filter in colour from the grey winter light, and the air smells of incense and old wood and the faint, sweet perfume of the elderly women who fill the front pews.
You sit near the back, and Jake holds your hand throughout the opening prayers, his thumb tracing those same familiar circles. When the choir rises to sing, he glances at you with a small, encouraging smile. See? the smile says. This is where we belong.
You try to feel it. You close your eyes. You bow your head. You let the Latin verses wash over you, the same ones Jake joked about forgetting as a boyâGloria in excelsis Deo, et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatisâand wait for the peace that is supposed to follow.
The prayers feel hollow in your mouth, words without meaning. The hymns rise and fall, but they bring you no peace. The stained glass saints stare down at you with flat, judgmental eyes, and you feel the weight of their disapproval.
You don't belong here. You are sitting in the house of God with the stain of your dreams still fresh on your skin, with the memory of a monster's eyes and sharp teeth and the wet heat of your own arousal clinging to you beneath your skirt. You are filthy.
Jake squeezes your hand, and you flinch.
"You okay?" he whispers.
You look at him, his smile, his earnest concern.
You don't belong. You are filthy, you are damned. But you are trying. God help you, you are trying.
Returning the squeeze of his hand, you nod.
The service drags on. The priest's homily is about faith in times of trial, about holding fast to belief when the world grows dark around you. You sit with your hands folded in your lap, your spine rigid, listening to the words but taking in none of it.
When the final blessing is given, and the congregation rises to leave, you feel like you've been holding your breath for an hour and only just now remembered how to exhale.
"See?" Jake says, his arm slipping around your waist as you walk toward the doors. "That was nice, right?"
"Hey, lady!"
The voice echoes through the vestibule, bright and unmistakable, and you freeze. Jake turns, his arm still around you, and you watch his expression shift from confusion to surprise as a lanky figure in a rumpled button-up shirt comes bounding toward you through the thinning crowd.
Niki. From the library. The collar of his shirt askew. His hair looks like it hasn't seen a comb since last Sunday. And he's grinning like you're the most exciting thing to happen to him all week.
"Hey, lady! And sirâ" He glances at Jake, giving him a quick, awkward nod. "Lady's husband. Hi."
"We need to go," you say quickly, your hand tightening on Jake's arm. "Sorry, Niki, we'reâ"
"What's this?" Jake's free hand has already reached out, plucking a slim paperback from the boy's grip before either of you can react. He turns it over, reading the cover. "Vampire lore, huh?"
Jake turns the book toward you. The cover shows a shadowed figure with glowing eyes, looming over a sleeping woman. The Old World Vampire: A Study of Belief, Burial, and Blood.
"I keep it in the Bible during service," Niki grabs it back, oblivious to how Jake's expression flickers with all the shock, scandal, and the distant horror of a youth group alumnus at the thought of someone tucking something so unholy between the pages of Scripture. "Please don't tell my mom. She'd kill me if she knew I was reading this stuff in church."
Jake doesn't respond to Niki. He's looking at you now, and the lightness in his voice is a thin veneer over something sharper.
"Sweetheart." He waits until you meet his eyes. "How exactly do you know this kid?"
"We met at the library. A few weeks ago."
"Dude." Niki is staring at Jake now with unbearable sincerity. "Your wife is so cool."
Jake blinks, the exhaustion in his face flickering. His brow lifts almost imperceptibly as he glances at you, a question forming at the corner of his mouth. Something in his expression is almost amused.
"She's the only person in this entire town who cares about this stuff. My mom literally tried to get the pastor to purify me one time because of my 'satanic theories' but sheâ" He jabs a finger toward you, his face alight. "She gets it."
The amusement dies.
"What stuff?"
You can feel Jake's stare now, the weight of it pressing against the side of your face. You don't return it.
Niki opens his mouth to answer, but Jake raises a hand.
"I'm asking her."
The silence that follows has Niki's grin faltering. He looks at you, then at Jake, just catching up to the tension in the room.
"History. Folklore." You swallow, "The occultâ"
"Vampires." Jake finishes for you, flatly. Then turns to Niki. "My wife talks to you about vampires, is that it?"
Niki blinks, nodding enthusiastically. "You're so lucky, man. Seriously. I've got no one to talk to about this stuff and you just, like, get to be married to her. That's insane."
"Yeah. Lucky me."
"We should go," you say quickly. "Goodbye â "
"Wait!" Niki is already digging in his pocket, his fingers closing around a crumpled scrap of paper. "I wanted to give you this. My Discord."
He points at the username scrawled across the paper:
xX_vampK1_Xx
"I kept waiting for you to come back to the library, but you never did, so..." He thrusts it toward you, his expression almost painfully eager. "Message me? Please?"
From the distance, a woman's voice calls out. "Niki! Car. Now."
"That's my mom." He shoves the paper into your hand, his fingers cold and quick. "Okay, bye lady! Bye, lady's husband!"
And then he's gone, swallowed by the crowd of departing church-goers, leaving you standing in the vestibule with a scrap of paper in your fist and your husband staring at the side of your face.
The drive home is quiet.
Jake doesn't speak until you're through the front door, until his keys are tossed onto the hall table and his coat is shed. You shed yourself of your own coat, the small paper Niki had handed you still folded in its pocket.
"When I said go out to town and make friends," he says, his voice carefully level, "I didn't think you'd go befriending... emo teenagers."
You don't answer. You smooth the sleeve of your coat, align it on the hanger and close the closet door with a soft click.
"Kid gave you his Discord in front of me. At church. Ballsy, I'll give him that." A laugh, but there's nothing funny about his tone. "Must've really charmed him with all that vampire talk."
"Don't tell me you're jealous of a high schooler." You turn to face him finally, your back against the closet door.
"You know that's not it." His arms cross over his chest. "You never told me you went to the library. You never told me you wereâwhat, researching? Talking with some kid who hides monster books inside his Bible?"
You push off the door and walk past him, into the kitchen. Away from the hurt in his eyes that you can't quite bear to witness.
"You're keeping secrets from me." He raises his voice ever so slightly, not enough to startle you, but enough to be heard from down the hall. "You're not going to explain yourself?"
His footsteps trail behind you. You reach the sink and turn on the faucet, letting the water run for no reason at all. Just sound. Something to drown out the shame.
"I went to the library to read about vampires. Because I thoughtâBecause I know our neighbour is a vampire." You say, "And I didn't tell you because I knew you would look at me like... this."
Jake exhales, a long, measured breath.
You turn off the faucet, eyes glued to the tub of hot water, but you don't reach for any dishes.
"You don't believe me. So why would I tell you?"
His hands find your shoulders, warm and steady, and he turns you gently away from the sink. Away from the dirty dishes and the pretense that any of this is normal.
"I believe that you believe it." His thumbs trace the curve of your shoulders. "I believe you're scared. I believe something is wrong. I just don't think it's what you think it is."
"That's not the same thing."
"No. It's not."
He's quiet for a moment. Then, with a sigh, he guides you. His hand finds the small of your back. He pulls out a chair at the kitchen table and waits until you sit. Then he sits across from you and takes both your hands in his.
"Don't keep things from me." His voice is low, but it sounds like a plea. "I don't care how crazy it is. Even if you became a madwoman, I would never leave you. Never." He squeezes your hands. "Please. Don't hide. Don't push me away."
"I'm sorry," you look down at your joined hands. "I'm sorry that I'm like this. I'm sorry I can't just be normal."
"Stop. Don't apologize." He lifts one hand to your chin, tilting your face up until you meet his eyes. "I love you. I'll love you 'til the day I die."
You nod, sucking in a breath. You think you would be crying if you hadn't already shed all your tears earlier that morning.
"I love you too."
He nods, but the furrow in his brow doesn't smooth. His thumb traces a slow arc across your knuckles, and you can feel him preparing himself for whatever he's about to say.
"I want you to see someone. A therapist, or a counsellor. Someone who can actually help you work through all of this.â His voice is gentle, but there's no hesitation in it. He's been thinking about this. Maybe for a while. "These fears. The nightmares. It's not healthy. You can't spend the rest of your life like this."
A therapist. Your eyes drop to Jake's neck, where you know a vampire's bite hides beneath his collar.
"It won't help."
"It might." He squeezes your hands, willing you to meet him halfway. "You don't know unless you try. Even if it doesn't, at least we tried."
He lifts your hands to his lips and presses a kiss to your knuckles. His eyes are full of love, but tired. So very tired. You can see it in his movements, in the slight hunch of his shoulders.
You could argue. You could try to explain why it's a waste of money and time. But that's not what he needs to hear.
"Okay." You say. "I'll go."
His eyes widen, like he'd braced himself for a fight and doesn't quite know what to do now. Then he pushes back his chair and stands, pulling you up with him. His arms wrap around you before you've even found your footing, one hand splayed across your spine, the other cradling the back of your head. You feel his breath against your hair, warm and unsteady, and you feel his smile.
"Thank you," he murmurs. "Thank you."
He pulls back just enough to kiss your forehead. Then your cheek. Then the bridge of your nose, clumsy and reverent, and you almost laugh despite everything. He's already talking about a counsellor his mother knows, a name he'll look up, a number he'll call in the morning, but the words blur together, lost in the rhythm of his heart against your ear.
Being held is not the same as being saved, but you close your eyes and accept his embrace anyway. His arms are warm, and his heart is steady, and for now, that's enough. It's all you have left.
The call comes Monday afternoon.
You've been at your laptop for the better part of an hour, filling out a self-assessment form for the counsellor Jake's mother recommended.
On a scale of one to ten, how often do you feel overwhelmed by daily tasks?
Do you experience intrusive thoughts?
Have you ever felt disconnected from reality?
The last question is taking you longer than it should, when your phone buzzes against the kitchen table. The number is one you don't recognize, and you almost let it ring. But then you look back at your screen, and decide you'd rather do anything else than pick out numbers on a scale that can't measure what's actually wrong with you.
"Mrs. Sim?"
Your hand tightens around the phone. Jake's boss explains something about how he looks terrible, how he nearly collapsed getting up from his desk, how someone needs to come get him immediately.
"I told him he should have stayed home," the boss's gruff voice says over the phone, "He kept saying he didn't want to let anyone down. Is he always this stubborn?"
You find him at his desk, pale and half-slumped, a coworker hovering uncertainly at his elbow. Between the two of you, you get him to the car. He doesn't argue. That's how you know it's bad. And you watch him from the corner of your eye the whole drive home, his head against the window as he fights his own exhaustion.
"It's nothing. Really." His words slur together as you guide him down the hall, his arm heavy across your shoulders. "Probably just a cold. I'll be fine in the morning."
You ease him onto the mattress. He sinks into it, his body going slack the moment his head touches the pillow. His eyes close. His breathing evens out, shallow but steady.
You bring him soup, which he doesn't eat. You bring him water, which he barely sips. You sit on the edge of the bed and watch the shallow rise and fall of his chest, and the whole time your mind is spinning through the past few weeks like a reel of film you can't stop.
Every night you've woken gasping from dreams you can't confess to. Every morning he's held you through the aftermath, whispering reassurances into your hair while the shadows under his eyes grew darker and darker. Every time he's said I'm trying, baby, I'm trying so hardâand you've let him. You've let him carry you, let him comfort you, let him pour himself out trying to understand something you can't explain.
And what have you given him in return? Tears. Secrets. A hand squeezing his at church while you both pretended everything was fine. Late nights where he held you instead of sleeping, early mornings where he made you coffee and asked gentle questions and got nothing back but silence.
You look at him now, with his work shirt still half-unbuttoned, his face slack, his fingers twitching faintly against the blanket and feel the guilt settle over you. He's spent every ounce of himself trying to save you from a monster he doesn't believe in.
"I'm sorry," you whisper to the quiet room. He doesn't stir.
The next day, he is worse.
You can't get him to lift his head for more than a few seconds. The medicine you brought sits untouched on the nightstand. His skin has taken on a translucence that makes your blood run cold, and when you press a cool cloth to his forehead, he barely seems to register the touch.
"Just need to sleep," he murmurs, the words slurring together. "Don't worry. You worry too much."
You don't leave his side.
You watch the hours crawl past, the gray morning fading into a grayer afternoon, the light at the window never quite brightening, and try to convince yourself it's a fever. A winter bug that hit him harder than most. But even as you tell yourself these things, your eyes keep drifting to the collar of his shirt, to the pale skin beneath, to the two small marks you know are there, still healing. You don't see any other marks, but the thought lingers.
By the third day, he can barely open his eyes.
You've stopped leaving the room except to refill the water glass he can't drink from. You've stopped pretending this is something you can fix with soup and cold compresses and whispered prayers. You sit in the chair beside the bed, your knees drawn up to your chest, and watch him fade.
It's around noon when you notice it. The sun is high in the sky today, not a single cloud, and the light illuminates the blood stain on his pillowcase, clear as day.
A small stain, rust-brown and drying, near the nape of his neck. Your hands are shaking as you reach for him, as you ease him onto his side and lift the hem of his shirt.
The marks are everywhere. Some are freshâbright red, the skin around them inflamed and angry. Others have scabbed over, dark and ugly and bruised. Bite marks. Dozens of them. Clustered between his shoulder blades, and trailing down like a map of slow consumption.
You don't realize you're crying until a tear falls, mingling with the dried blood on his skin.
The sound you make must wake him, because his fingers twitch against the blanket, and his voice, thin and weak, drifts up from the pillow.
"Hey." A long pause. He doesn't have the strength to turn his head. "Don't cry."
You help him lie back against the pillows, your hands trembling so badly you can barely manage it. His eyes find yoursâstill that same warm brown, still impossibly gentle, even now, even after everythingâand the tears come harder. He opens his mouth, as if to say something, but doesn't. Whether he can't find the strength or the words, you aren't sure. But you aren't about to let him finish, even if he could.
"I have to tell you something." You say quick and certain, though you feel anything but. "Please just listen."
He blinks, slow and heavy. Barely aware, barely awake.
"When I was younger. Before I met you. Before I even knew what I was doing. I prayed for something God couldn't give me. Something sinful. Somethingâ" You swallow, force yourself to continue. "Lustful. Shameful. Every night. Every prayer. It was consuming me."
Jake's brow furrows. His hand moves across the blanket, searching for yours.
"My prayers were answered," you keep going. "But not by God. By something else. Something evil. These nightmares didn't appear out of nowhere. They're the consequence of what I did. It came to me in my dreams. It tempted me. It tainted me. For years. And now..."
You can't look at him. You stare at the blanket, at the pattern of the quilt, at the pale shape of his hand still reaching for yours.
"I've dragged you into the darkness with me." You grip his hand, "I'm sorry, Jake."
Silence. A long, stretching silence, broken only by the rasp of his breathing.
Then his fingers find yours.
"Baby."
You look up. His eyelids are heavy, his brow furrowed with an effort that seems to take everything he has left. The slow, laboured machinery of a mind trying to surface and failing.
"Baby, you are the light of my life." His voice is barely a whisper now, each word an effort. "I know you. I know your heart. It's pure. The purest of them all. Don't say scary stuff like that."
"You don't understand." You shake your head, the tears sliding hot and fast down your cheeks.
"I know." A ghost of a smile crosses his lips. He strokes the back of your hand, the motion so familiar, so tender, that it makes your chest ache. "But you understand me either."
The room is quiet. The light through the window has shiftedâthe gray afternoon giving way to the pale gold of a winter sunset, slanting through the glass and spilling across the bed.
Jake's gaze drifts to your face, and something in his expression changes. Softens. Opens.
"If only you could see yourself right now." His voice is barely audible, but there is a warmth in it that remains. "The way the light hits you. You're so beautiful." His fingers tighten around yours. It's the last of his strength, poured into a single gesture. "You look like an angel."
Your heart swells.
He doesn't see it. Even as you confess words you'd never dared to even think about out loud, he doesn't see the rot, the sin, the stain that has been spreading through you since long before you ever met him.
"You should see yourself," he murmurs again, his eyes already drifting closed. "So pretty. My pretty wife. I love you so much."
"I love you more." You whisper, watching the rise and fall of his chest.
He doesn't understand what you've told him. Or maybe he does. Maybe the truth is too big, too impossible, too far outside the world he believes in. All you know is that even now, when your sins are quite literally bleeding him dry, he looks at you and sees something worth loving.
You lay your head against his chest, closing your eyes. You listen to the fading rhythm of his heart, like a ticking clock.
You will not let time run out.
"Hello? Who isâwait." A pause. A sharp inhale. "Lady? Is that you? You actually made a Discord!"
Niki's voice crackles through your laptop speakers, tinny and incredulous. In the background, you can hear the faint, distorted blast of music, which cuts off abruptly as he slams a button. A desk chair creaks.
"This is amazing. I didn't think you'd actually call me. I mean, I hoped, but I've been checking my Discord every day since church."
You stare at the Discord interface, feeling decades older than you are. Jake lies down the hall, silent and still. You made sure he was asleep, though that wasn't hard to ensure. He hadn't done so much as open his eyes since the afternoon.
"I need your help."
"Help. Yeah. Okay. Um. Help with what, exactly?" His voice drops to a theatrical whisper. "Is it a vampire thing?"
You take in a breath.
"I need to know how to kill one." The silence on the other end stretches so long you think the call has dropped. Then you add, "Hypothetically."
"Oh. My. God." A drawer opens. Pages ruffle. "Okay. So. Classic methods. A wooden stake through the heart works, but the wood mattersâhawthorn, ash, some sources say rowan. Decapitation is more reliable, but that's hard to pull off unless you have a sword, which I'm guessing you don't."
"I don't."
"Sunlight. Direct, full exposure. Not just a cloudy dayâlike, dawn, clear sky, no shade. Fire works on basically everything, but you'd have to trap it somehow." He's speaking faster now, the words tumbling over each other. "There's also holy water and consecrated ground, but the research on that is mixedâ"
"That's enough. Thank you."
"What? No. Wait. I have so much more. I have an entire notebook. I haveâ" He stops. His voice changes, sharpens. "Wait a second. Why do you need to know this?"
"Goodbye, Nikiâ"
"No, hang onâYou're literally asking how to kill a vampire." His voice cracks, and he clears his throat, the words still returning with a squeak as they come out in a rush. "Holy shit. You do know a vampire. I knew it. Is it in town? Is it drinking people's blood? Did it attack you? Are you in danger?"
You sigh, a hand to your temple. He's talking so fast, you can't find a proper opening to leave, and though you know you should probably just hang up, some part of you doesn't want to leave the poor boy in a state of panic.
"Iâm not in any danger. I'mââ
"I can help, you know. I'm not just some kid. I know so much about this stuff. More than anyone. I've read every book in that library twice. I've read books that aren't even in the library. I know lore that isn't even translated yet. You need a vampire taken down? I'm your guy. I mean, I've never done it, but I could probably figure it out."
"That's sweet of you, really, butâ"
"And you're just a housewifeânot saying that housewives can't kick ass! I'm sure you could. Maybe. But you're not exactly, like, a vampire hunter." He sucks in a breath so sharp you hear it whistle through his teeth. "Wait. Shouldn't your husband be protecting you? Why isn't heâdoes he even know about this?"
You close your eyes.
"He doesn't know," Niki gasps in horror. His voice drops to a horrified whisper. "That's why you were asking about soul-contracts in the library. That's why you looked like you were going to throw up when I read that passage. You're in a soul-bond with a vampire, and your husband doesn't know."
Your head is in your hands now, his voice rambling through the laptop speaker.
"That'sâthat's insane. That's literally insane." He sputters, the words tangling in his mouth. "Isn't that likeâI mean, a soul-contract, isn't that kind of likeâisn't that like cheating? Like, spiritually? Eternally? Your husband thinks he's married to you, but you're alreadyâ"
"I have to go."
"Wait!"
You end the call.
The laptop screen glows, Niki's profile picture still visible in the cornerâsome anime character with a stupid hairstyle, smirking at nothing. A notification pops up. Then another. Then a string of them, rapid-fire, the little red badge counting up.
xX_vampK1_Xx: wait
xX_vampK1_Xx: pls dont hang up
xX_vampK1_Xx: or die
You don't read them all, closing the laptop instead.
Wooden stake.
Fire.
Sunlight.
You wait for him.
Curtains drawn back, the window open. The winter air slips through the gap, cold enough to make you shiver in your nightgown, but you remain there, facing the open night. You wait the way you used to waitâon your knees, on the floor, praying for something that God refused to give you.
Down the hall, Jake lies in the guest bedroom. The room you'd once hoped would become a nursery. It seems like a distant dream now, a life that belonged to someone else. You'd moved him there before the sun had set, his body heavy, unconscious, and blissfully unaware. He doesn't know what you're about to do. You hope he never will.
When the silhouette appears, it's almost a relief.
He steps through the parted curtains, and the moonlight reveals him. He's too pale, too still, his dark eyes already fixed on you before you've even found your voice.
He's beautiful. He's always been beautiful, and you hate that he is. It would be so much easier if he were grotesqueâif his skin were rotting flesh and his eyes were hollow and vacant pits belonging to something long dead, you could recoil. You could run. Instead, you stare, almost forgetting your true intentions for a moment.
"Now, this brings back memories." He looms over you, unmoving. His eyes drift to the bed, where your husband is absent. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"You're killing my husband."
He doesn't flinch. Of course he doesn't. He stands there in the center of your bedroom, hands at his sides, and regards you with an expression that teeters on amusement.
"Believe me." His gaze drops to your throat, to the cross trembling against your collarbone. A faint smile tugs at his lips. "I would much prefer to have you."
There's a silence before you scoff.
"Taking the life of the man I love won't make me want you."
"Indeed, it won't. You already want me. Yet foolishly, you continue to deny yourself."
He is silent for a moment as he watches you clutch helplessly at the cross at your neck.
"Look at you. You waited here. Alone, in the dark, to face something that could destroy you in seconds. And you still clutch that thing." His lips curls into a frown. "As if God could ever save you."
He takes a few steps forward, leaning down until his lips are at your ear.
"But you're a smart girl. You know that He can't." He says, leaning down. One hand reaches for your chin, lifting it to properly meet his gaze. "That's why you prayed to me instead."
"I prayed to God." You hiss.
"And as always, God did not answer."
He drops your chin. Then he moves past you, toward the window. His fingers brush the curtain, and he looks out at the dark street, the bare trees, the distant glint of the river just visible beyond the rooftops.
"I was once like you." He says, "I prayed. I prayed for her to heal. I prayed every waking hour at her bedside."
His wife. You assume that's who he means. You think of the house he keeps tidy in her memory, the piano that stays tuned for her, but you don't ask. His tone tells you the grief is old, smoothed by the centuries past, no longer a wound but a scar.
You swallow the bitter taste in your throat. Selfishly, you dislike the idea of him loving anyone else. The thought is irrational, and deeply shameful, but it surfaces before you can push it back down.
"Please do not fret, my love." He says it all too quickly, as if he sensed the shift in you before you felt it yourself. "It was a very long time ago."
You open your mouth to protest but the words die on your tongue. He's looking at you with that quiet, knowing expression, and you realize there is no point in lying to a creature who can read your emotions before you've even named them.
"I was merely a fragile human. Hopeful enough to offer God everything. Foolish enough to believe he would answer with anything other than silence." The breeze howls past the window, brushing his hair from his face. "So I found another way. And I have been what I am ever since."
"You were once human, too?" Your voice is soft, curious, and more sincere than you wish it was.
He finally turns to face you again, this time with a hint of a smile.
"We are more alike than you know." he holds out a hand to you, and you take it. You let him help you stand, your nightgown catching the wind as you look up at him. "I can smell the shame in you. I've always been able to. It's the same shame I carried centuries ago."
A monster, comparing himself to you. You should feel offended by the way he looks at you, right through you, past the skin and bone, into the soul you've spent a lifetime trying to scrub clean. Though, you suppose he's earned the right. He's been in your dreams for years. He's seen every thought you tried to drown, every aching desire you tried to bury, and how it rots you from the inside. He's seen all of it, and he does not recoil.
A man can judge you. A monster cannot.
You're horrified to find relief in that thought.
"The difference between you and me, however, is that I've stopped pretending to be something I'm not."
Your eyes wander to the door briefly, knowing your husband lays peacefully down the hall.
"Jake still looks at me as if I'm pure. As if I'm worthy of his love. Even after everything I've done." Your eyes burn, and you blink hard against the sting. "That's all I have, and you're taking it away."
"Because I needed to feed. Because you have not given me permission. I cannot take what is mine unless it is offered freely. So I took what was available to me. Your scent on his skin. Your proximity." His eyes hold yours. "Do you understand what that is like? To be bound to someone, to feel their wanting every night, to taste it in the air, and to not be allowed to have them? The blood of animals does nothing. The blood of your husband is unsatisfying. I am ravenous."
He steps closer. The space between you shrinks to almost nothing.
"It is not merely blood that you promised me. You offered me your soul. Your life. Your eternal presence. That is what I hunger forânot the taste of you on my tongue, but the whole of you, bound to me as you were always meant to be." His voice drops to a whisper. "Every second I have waited has been a small death. I have died a thousand times since you made your promise."
You know what that hunger feels like. You've carried it your whole life, coiled low in your belly, hot and insistent, never fully quieted. You tried to fill it with prayer. You tried to fill it with your husband's body. Nothing worked. Nothing ever works.
"He is innocent." Your voice splinters. "He doesn't deserve this."
Sunghoon is silent for a long moment. Then he sighsâa soft, tired sound.
"Innocent. Pure of heart. Kindâtoo kind for a human, if you ask me." He says. "You're terrified of what he'd think. You don't believe his love is unconditional."
"How could anyone love this?"
A tear slips down your cheek. You had no idea you were on the verge of crying, but you feel it now. The uncontrollable trembling of your body, the sob threatens to escape your throat. Sunghoon's hand rises. His fingers brush your jaw, cool and smooth, tilting your chin upward. You open your eyes.
It's the first time you've seen him this close, the moonlight casting a soft glow over his features. His expression is nothing cruel. It's something almost tender, which is far more devastating.
"I do." He says. "I love your scent. Your shame. The way you whisper my name in the dark."
Your lower lip trembles, and his thumb traces it, feather-light. In fact, all of you trembles. You've stopped trying to decide whether it's out of fear, want, or the draft of winter air.
"You offered me your soul long before you ever gave him your hand. That is a promise no ring can compare to." His eyes hold yours, unrelenting. "I love you eternally."
His hand trails down your throat. His fingers curl, lightly, around the column of your neck, just holding it, just relishing your pulse beneath his fingertips. The cross dangles between you, and you feel his gaze flicker to it.
"Please understand. I have only ever wanted you. He was merely the vessel I drank from because I could not drink from you." his voice drops to a murmur. "Give me what you promised me. What you've been promising me every night for years. I'm patient. I've waited long, and I can wait longer. Your husband, however..." his eyes drift to the door, an acknowledgement of his fading life down the hall, "He doesn't have the luxury of patience."
"If I refuse, he dies."
Sunghoon doesn't blink. "Yes."
No hesitation. The truth, cold and simple. You feel your hands tighten into fists at your sides.
"That's not a choice. That's not 'asking for permission.' That's a threat."
He only laughs in response.
"You made a deal with a monster. Did you expect him to play fair?" Sunghoon tilts his head. "I'd argue I've been rather generous. I could have drained him on your wedding night, when he laid hands on what was already mine. Could have left him in your bed, cold and lifeless. But I didn't. I let him live. I even offered him my wine."
He wears the slightest grin, cruel and merciless, and his fangs catch the light. "Aren't I kind?"
"You are vile." You spit. "You are despicable. Awful. Andâ"
"And you still want me."
The space between you shrinks as he leans closer, until you can feel the chill radiating off his skin, until you can see the faint gleam of the moonlight on his pupils.
"He is not the reason you will say yes."
His voice is quieter now.
"You will say yes because you have been starving for as long as you can remember. Because you have tried to fill that hunger with prayer and penance and the body of a man who loves you but cannot understand you. Because you knelt at your window and begged for relief, and I am the only one who has ever offered it to you. I am the only one who can give it to you."
His fingers brush your jaw. Feather-light.
"So, go on." He nods, "Tell me what you want."
"I want you to leave Jake alone." You hiss. It only makes him grin. You expect nothing less.
"And what else?"
"I want you to stop making me feel like this."
"How do you want me to do that, exactly?"
You open your eyes. He's so close now. Your body is tremblingânot from the cold, not from fear, but from the unbearable, humiliating effort of holding yourself back. Your thighs press together beneath your nightgown, a needy, restless friction that does nothing to ease the ache. Your pulse hammers in your throat. Between your legs, you're soaked.
You've been soaked since he stepped through the curtains.
Every inch of you is screaming for relief. Every inch of you has been screaming for years.
It's not really a choice. If you pull away, you're letting your husband die and spending the rest of your life mourning a man you loved but couldn't save.
Regardless, your body doesn't want to pull away. It made its own choice the moment you knelt at your window all those years ago. Everything since then has been the long, torturous process of coming to accept it. The prayers. The shame. The dreams you woke from, wet and wanting. All of it leading here. To him.
"I want you to touch me," you whisper. The words come out ragged, half a sob, half a plea. "I need you to relieve me from this torment. I can'tâI can't take it anymore. Please."
His hand tightens just barely at your throat.His hand rests at your throat, cool and steady. His touch remains ever patient, and his eyes flicker from yours to your neck like he cannot decide which is more precious to him in this moment.
"Say it properly."
And you do.
"I give you permission. My blood. My body. My soul. Take it. It's all yours. It's always been yours."
He exhalesâa shuddering, both reverent and ravenous sound.
His hand tightens around your throat, fingers digging into the vulnerable flesh, feeling the pulse hammering beneath his touch, the rush of blood through your veins. He dips his head into the curve of your neck, and the breath he takes in, the groan that rumbles against your skinâthey are not the sounds of a man. They belong to a predator who has caught its prey at last and is trying very hard not to devour it all at once.
Your eyes flutter shut.
"If only you could smell yourself right now." His voice comes out rough, almost like a growl, "Your terror, your desperation. Your arousal."
He lifts you in a single, clean sweep, as if you weigh no more than a feather. Your feet are off the ground, your body helpless in his grasp, and you don't have the time to react as he throws you down on the marital bed with a force that knocks the breath from your lungs. You barely have time to register the impact before his body is over yours. His knee rises between your thighs, spreading you open beneath him and his hand fists your hair, tilting your head back, baring your throat to the moonlight and his teeth.
His gaze drifts down the length of your body, catching on the way your nightgown has ridden up your thighs, on the rise and fall of your chest. He leans forward.
"My stubborn, sinful girl. You were never meant for heaven." His fangs press against your pulse, not yet sinking in, but with enough pressure that it makes your breath catch and your body go rigid beneath him. "You were always meant for me."
One hand grips your throat, fingers digging into the flesh just beneath your jaw, holding your head in place with a force that borders on bruising. The other rests over your heart, palm flat, enough to feel the frantic rhythm.
"So fearful that nobody could love you in the dark, when I have loved you for years."
His fangs sink into you, and a cry is torn from your throat, gasping into the dark and your body arches into him without your permission. The sounds he makes are equally as ungraceful and unrestrainedâ a growl that sounds like it belongs to an animal, a groan that sounds so guttural and almost pained, as if tasting you after all this time is a relief so profound it hurts. You writhe beneath him, but his body holds you steady, his grasp so harsh that it's sure to bruise.
The pull of his mouth is rhythmic, hypnotic, each draw of your blood sending a fresh wave of heat spiraling through your core. You are dizzy with it. You are alive with it. You are his, and you have always been his, and the acceptance of that truth is the single most liberating thing you have ever felt.
Disgust is a distant flicker, extinguished before it can catch. The pain is already gone. In its place, a pleasure so sharp and bright it borders on agony races through your veins. You shake with it, every inch of you raw and exposed, the sheets a torment against your feverish skin. Your hands find his back and hold on, clawing at his shirt.
"What isâ?" Your voice is a whiny, pathetic sound, piercing through heavy, laboured breaths. The ache between your legs from before is now throbbing with a sort of want you couldn't even begin to describe. Something unnatural, feverish and all-consuming. "Why do I feel likeâ?"
"It feels good, doesn't it?" His fangs retract, but his mouth stays, kissing the wound he left behind, lapping up every last drop of your blood. "The venom. It immobilizes prey. Turns pain into pleasure. Though you didn't need much convincing, did you?"
A broken sound tears from your throat as his tongue drags down the column of your neck, chasing a stray bead of blood. His hand rips your nightgown higher, baring you to the cold air, and he finds you soaked. You can feel his grin at your neck.
"You were begging to be fucked long before I ever bit you," he whispers, "Long before your nice little husband ever put his hands on you."
"Please, Sunghoon," The words tumble out before your pride can catch them. It's wrecked, shameless, and entirely honest. "Just touch me. Please."
He obliges without a word. Your panties are eased down your thighs, the cold air a brief shock against your overheated skin, and then he finds youâslick and aching and desperately ready. A single, long finger slips inside with no resistance at all, and the sound that escapes you is almost a sob. You might cry from just that alone, graciously accepting any kind of touch at this point. You might already be crying, though you don't have the sense to think about it. You're lost in the sensation, clenching around him, your hips rolling forward of their own accord, chasing more.
"It feels so much better when you give in." His voice is soft, almost crooning, as his finger moves inside you with excruciating slowness, a rhythm designed to tease rather than satisfy. "When you stop denying yourself."
A frustrated sound catches in your throat. Your hips lift, chasing his hand, and he hums in quiet approval. Then a second finger slides in beside the first, stretching you, and the cry that escapes you is louder than before. Your head falls back against the pillow. Your fingers twist in the sheets.
And then his fangs are at your throat againâa sharp, searing sting that melts almost instantly into heat. He drinks as his fingers move inside you, a slow, devastating counterpoint: the pull of his mouth, the thrust of his hand, the weight of his body pinning you to the mattress. You are caught between pleasure and surrender, and you have stopped caring which is which.
"My sweet little sinner." He pulls back just enough to speak, his lips stained, his breath cool against the wound he left behind. His fingers curl inside you, finding a place that makes your vision blur.
"What would he think if he saw you like this? His fragile, innocent wife, offering herself to a monster, begging for more." He thrusts deeper, and your back arches off the bed. "Would it break him? Would it shatter that pure, simple love he carries for you?"
The tears come before you can stop them, spilling down your temples and into your hair. A sob tears free, raw and ugly, and you shake your head against the pillow.
"No?" His voice is soft, almost tender. His thumb traces your cheek, smearing the tears there. "Use your words, my love."
"I don't care." The words rip out of you, jagged and desperate, louder than you intended. Your hips are still rolling against his hand, chasing the climax he keeps just out of reach. "I don't care what he thinks. I just want this."
You feel the pressure building, the tightening in your belly, rushing toward the edge faster than you can outrun it.
"Please." The word is barely a whisper now, your voice wrecked and trembling. "Please take me. I can'tâI needâplease."
His fingers still inside you. You cry out at the loss, at the empty ache he leaves behind, and when you open your eyes, he is looking down at you with something like awe. Something like triumph. Something like love, if a monster is capable of love, as he claims.
He grabs the front of your nightgown and rips it open. The fabric splits with a sound like a scream. You gasp, arms flying up to cover yourself, but he seizes your wrists and wrenches them away. Forces your hand down between your bodies, pressing your palm against the hard, aching length of him.
He releases you to tear at his own clothes. His shirt. His pants. Then he is bare above you, and the sight is almost too muchâthe blood on his mouth, the pale plane of his chest, and his eyes, how they devour the sight of you whole, looking at you in all your filth and finding you holy.
"I'm going to ruin you." You feel the tip of him at your entrance, and your body stiffens. His eyes hold yours, dark and depthless and full of terrible tenderness. "Just like you begged me to."
He sinks into you in one slow, devastating thrust, and your mouth falls open on a sound that might be his name, but before it can escape, his lips find yours. He swallows your cry the way he swallowed your blood, consuming it, claiming it as his own. His tongue sliding against yours, and you taste your own blood on his lips. His mouth never leaves yours, as if he would drink every sound you make, as if there is no part of you he does not intend to devour.
You start to cry. Not because it hurts. Not because you're being ruined, though you are, though you've wanted to be. You cry because it's better than your dreams ever were. Because every fantasy you spent years repenting for, every shameful vision that drove you to your knees at the window, was a pale shadow of this.
He pulls back to look at you, and the expression on his face is rapture. His hand is wrapped around your throat, holding you steady for each forceful thrust, pinning you to the mattress, to the moment, to him. The rhythm of his hips is relentless and perfect. Every drag of him inside you eases the ache you've carried for so long it has become a part of you, and at the same time deepens it, feeds it, stokes it into something insatiable. The venom only heightens the feelingâpleasure easing your hunger, each stroke pushing you closer to an edge you no longer want to escape.
He is the most beautiful creature you have ever seen.
You think it without flinching. You think it while tears stream down your temples and into your hair, while your body arches to meet his, while you give yourself over to the monster who answered when God wouldn't. He is beautiful. He is yours. You are his. And you have never felt less like pretending otherwise.
He fills you in a way your husband never could. It's terrible and entirely the truth. You have spent weeks trying to use Jake as a remedyâhis body, his love, his gentle, faithful handsâand it worked, for a few hours at a time. But the hunger you carry was never something he could satisfy. He was never meant to. That was never the deal you made.
This is what you bargained for. What you knelt at the window and begged to feel.
You lose yourself in the rhythm of him. The thick, unrelenting drive of his cock. The weight of his body pinning you to the mattress. The way he takes and takes and takes, and still watches you like you are something sacred. His dark eyes hold yours with something that looks like awe. Something that looks like devotion. Something that looks, impossibly, like love. If you even believe that a creature like him can feel love. Though love is the furthest thing from your mind right now.
"That's it." His voice is a low growl, rough with pleasure and hunger and the effort of holding himself back. "Cry for me. Let me see you fall apart."
Your nails rake down his back. Your thighs tremble around his hips. The tears are still falling, streaming into your hair, but you don't hold them back. You don't try to hide. You let him watch. You let him see all of it. The surrender, the pleasure, the relief at last.
You finish, your high crashing through your body in pulses that leave you gasping, clenching around him, your back bowing off the bed. You cry out his name, and he groans as he feels you break around him, his rhythm faltering for just a moment before he drives deeper, harder, more.
You barely have time to come down before his fangs find your throat again. The bite is sharp and sweet, and the venom floods your veins anewâreigniting the fire that had just begun to go out, pulling you back toward the edge you just tumbled over.
"More," you plead. The word is raw, scraped clean of pride. "More."
He gives you more. He gives you everything. And you take it all of it with your eyes open and your soul laid bare beneath him.
More. More. More.
The night folded in on itself, a long, delirious rhythm of hunger and satiation, of teeth and hands and the slick press of bodies moving together in the dark. He would drink until you grew faint, then pull back, laving the wound with a tenderness that made your chest ache, and wait for your eyes to flutter open, for your hips to lift in silent, desperate invitation. And then he would begin again.
You lost count. It didn't matter. Time had become a thing that happened to other people.
You remember, dimly, the sound of your own voice sobbing his name into the hollow of his throat. You remember the weight of him, the cold press of his skin slowly warming with each swallow of your blood. You remember his mouth tracing the length of your collarbone, his fingers mapping the dip of your waist, his voice murmuring things against your flesh.
The window stood open through all of it. The curtains drifted. The winter air slipped in, cooling the sweat on your skin, but you never felt cold. You felt nothing but him. Nothing but the slow, spreading heat of the venom and the terrible peace of finally letting go.
The pale, gray light starts to rise in the distance. The hush of early morning. The distant, muffled quiet of a world still half-asleep.
He is still inside you. Still moving a slow, grinding rhythm, more reflex now than urgency, the last shivering aftershocks of a night that had no end. His face is buried in the curve of your neck, his lips parted against the wound that hasn't closed, and his hips roll against yours in a lazy, hypnotic pulse that feels less like fucking and more like breathing.
Your hand is in his hair. Your fingers are tangled in the dark silk of it, your thumb tracing the shell of his ear, and the gesture feels so natural, so intimate, that your throat tightens with something you refuse to name.
Then the light shifts.
It spills through the open window, pale gold, the first true ray of a winter dawn. It creeps across the floorboards, slow and searching, and climbs the edge of the bed. It touches your bare ankle. It warms the tangled sheets. It reaches, like a blessing or a blade, for the man in your arms.
You watch it happen.
It finds his shoulder first. The light glistens, a luminous sheen on the marble of his skin catching the ridge of his shoulder blade, the curve of his spine, the place where your nails have left their marks across his back. He doesn't notice. His mouth is still at your throat, his body still moving against yours, lost in the rhythm of consumption.
"Sunghoon."
He lifts his head.
His eyes are black, pupils blown, the irises reduced to thin rings of dark amber. Your blood is on his lips. Your blood everywhere. All over your own lips, all over your neck, your chest and the sheets beneath you. And his skin, his beautiful, terrible skin, is beginning to gleam in the morning light.
Every plane of his face limned in gold, the sharp angle of his jaw, the impossible symmetry of his features. He looks like something that fell from heaven and landed wrong.
He looks at you. And you see the moment he understands.
The light is spreading. It touches his temple. The curve of his ear. The column of his throat. And where it touches, his skin begins to changeâtaking on a strange, crystalline shimmer, like the surface of fresh snow catching the first light of dawn. It starts to unmake him.
He doesn't move. He doesn't flee. He just looks at you, old and tired and almost, almost human.
Your hand is still in his hair. You don't pull it back.
A broken growl, low but softened, escapes him, and his forehead drops to yours. His eyes close, and for a long, suspended moment, you lie there together in the path of the rising sun.
It starts at the edges, before the shimmer spreads a slow, glittering dissolution, like diamonds fracturing along the surface of him. The places where the sun touches him turn luminous, iridescent, and then they begin to separate. He is coming apart in fine fragments, a mist of dust that catches the light and holds it, suspended, before drifting upward on the morning air.
His eyes find yours one last time. There's no fear in them. No anger. Just that same dark, depthless devotion. That same hunger.
Your body is still humming with the aftermath of pleasure, your thighs slick, your throat aching with the memory of his hands around it.
You close your eyes. They're too heavy to keep open.
"More."
The last thing you feel is his hand returning to your neck, and his teeth sinking into your flesh once more. The last thing you hear is the sound of his growl as he savours his last meal.
Tangled with death, you lay, lips parted in pleasure.
You came back for summer. You got him instead. Sun, salt, and scandal, Jejuâs elite playground is back in session, and so is your favorite mistake: Lee Heeseung. Your enemy. Your almost. Your what-if. One house apart. One argument away. One drink too many from disaster.
pairing: enemy!heeseung x reader !
warnings: yearning slow burn strong language possessiveness jealousy alcohol banter secrecy angst parties rich people (yes, that's a separate warning) loads of sexual tension porn with plot enemies to lovers childhood rivals friends with benefits mutual pining unresolved tension emotional constipation family friends beach-town drama arguments miscommunication fear of commitment
warnings (smut): Multiple explicit sex scenes Enemies -> friends with benefits â Lovers Rough unprotected sex (no!) Creampie Tit/nipple play Fingering Handjob Grinding Teasing Wall sex Door sex Kitchen counter sex Manhandling Dirty talk Cum play Overstimulation Marking & biting
playlist: Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen [] Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift [] Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter [] Are You Bored Yet? by Wallows []
likes and reblogs for a cookie!
â WORD COUNT: 29k!
(Masterlist)
Sam: happy birthday to me, love u dada
HELL HAD A VERY SPECIFIC SMELL.
Not sulfur. Not smoke. Not whatever dramatic nonsense poets liked to compare suffering to, or any of the bullshit propaganda movies liked to spread.Â
No, hell, in your experience, smelled like salt in the air and expensive sunscreen. Like sun-warmed pavement and blooming jasmine climbing over white-painted fences. Like the ocean sitting just close enough to hear from your bedroom window, taunting you with the promise of peace you were never actually going to get.
Hell smelled like summer in Jeju Island. And unfortunately, you had just arrived.
You stood in the driveway of your familyâs beach house with your sunglasses sliding down your nose and your patience already clinically deceased, staring at the towering white house like it had personally offended you. Which, honestly, it had. The place looked like every rich familyâs Pinterest board had thrown up on it, ivy curling around stone walls, floor-to-ceiling windows reflecting the blinding afternoon sun, hydrangeas blooming obnoxiously blue along the front walk.
Beautiful. Expensive. Full of memories you preferred not to examine too closely. Your mother stepped out of the car behind you with the kind of energy only women with fresh manicures and vacation plans possessed.
âDonât just stand there,â she said, already fishing her oversized sunhat from her tote bag. âHelp your father with the luggage.âÂ
You adjusted your sunglasses and gave the house one last deeply unimpressed look. âIâm considering simply walking into the ocean instead.â
From somewhere near the trunk, your father sighed. âAnd every year, you make the same joke.â
âBecause every year, the ocean remains an option.â
Your mother clicked her tongue, the universal sound of maternal disappointment, and handed you two bags anyway. âBe dramatic later. Weâre already late for dinner at the club tonight.â
Of course you were. Summer in Jeju Island wasnât really summer. It was a social performance with a beachfront view. Three months of yacht parties, country club dinners, charity galas disguised as drinking events, and the same old-money families pretending they didnât all know each otherâs scandals already. Everyone here had grown up together, gone to the same private schools, kissed the same people, ruined each otherâs lives in aesthetically pleasing ways. It was beautiful. It was exhausting.
It was home, in the most unfortunate sense of the word.
You hauled your bag up the front steps, pushing the door open with your shoulder. The familiar coolness of the house greeted you immediately, air conditioning and polished wood and lemon-scented cleaning products. Somewhere upstairs, your childhood room waited exactly as youâd left it last August, probably still holding the ghosts of every bad decision youâd made between seventeen and twenty-two. A charming thought.Â
You dropped your bags by the staircase and wandered toward the kitchen, where your mother was already directing the opening of windows and the placement of flowers like she was staging a home magazine shoot.
She looked over her shoulder at you. âAnd before I forget,â she said, in the dangerously casual tone mothers used right before ruining your day, âbe nice to the Lees this summer.â
You stopped mid-reach for the lemonade pitcher. Slowly, you turned. âExcuse me?â
âThe Lees,â she repeated, as if she hadnât just spoken your personal curse into existence. âWeâre having them over next weekend, and I would appreciate it if you didnât start any unnecessary arguments.â
You stared at her. There was a long, silent moment in which your soul quietly left your body and floated somewhere over the Atlantic. Then, âIâd like it officially noted,â you said, setting the pitcher down with great dignity, âthat I never start the arguments.â
Your mother gave you a look. You gave her one back. She won. âYou absolutely do.â
âI finish them beautifully,â you corrected. âThatâs different.â
She sighed, turning back to her flowers. âJust behave. Especially with Heeseung.â And there it was. The name. The final nail in the coffin. Lee Heeseung. Your lifelong enemy. Your annual migraine. The human embodiment of every smug text message left on read.
Next door. Living, unfortunately.
You leaned against the kitchen counter and closed your eyes for one brief moment, like maybe if you didnât move, the universe would take pity on you and reverse time. It did not. Because of course he was here. He was always here.
Every summer since childhood had come with three guarantees: humidity, your motherâs obsession with hosting dinners, and Lee Heeseung existing entirely too close to your personal space. Your families had been friends forever, which meant your lives had been annoyingly, inescapably intertwined since before either of you had enough common sense to avoid each other.
There were photos somewhere, horrifying evidence, of the two of you as children on the same beach, him with scraped knees and you with a missing front tooth, already looking like you were one wrong comment away from attempted murder.
Some things, apparently, were timeless. As teenagers, it had only gotten worse. Heâd grown into his face in the kind of unfair way that shouldâve required government intervention, too handsome, too charming, too aware of both. The kind of boy adults loved and girls wrote bad poetry about. Golden boy energy in expensive linen. Meanwhile, you had perfected the art of making eye contact while verbally destroying someone. Naturally, you got along terribly.
Every summer had become its own tradition of verbal warfare, stolen drinks at parties, arguments on docks at midnight, insults dressed up as flirting and flirting disguised as threats. There had been one almost-kiss when you were nineteen, drunk and angry and standing far too close on his parentsâ balcony.
Neither of you had ever mentioned it again. Civilization had survived. Barely. Your mother was still talking. âHis mother mentioned he got back last week.â
Wonderful. Fantastic. Thrilling.âDid she also mention if heâs developed the ability to shut up?â you asked.
âShe mentioned heâs doing very well.â Of course he was. Lee Heeseung was always doing very well. He probably woke up looking expensive and emotionally unavailable. You poured yourself a glass of lemonade with the gravity of someone preparing for battle.
âGreat. I canât wait to not care.â
Your mother pointed a flower stem at you. âI mean it. No fighting.â
You took a sip. âWith all due respect, mother, if Lee Heeseung and I stop fighting, one of us has probably died.â
From the front yard came the low sound of a car door shutting. Then another. Your fatherâs voice drifted in from outside, greeting someone. Your mother brightened instantly. âOh! Perfect timing.â
No. Absolutely not. You set the glass down very, very slowly. âNo,â you said. She smiled the smile of a woman who had already decided your fate.
âYes. Go say hello.â You looked toward the window like it might offer an emergency exit. Sunlight poured across the garden. Beyond the hydrangeas and white fencing sat the neighboring house, just as grand, just as obnoxiously perfect. And somewhere in that orbit of privilege and poor decision-making was Heeseung. Back for another summer. Meaning your peace, your dignity, and probably your better judgment had all officially expired.
You inhaled once. Exhaled. Straightened your sunglasses like armor. âWell,â you muttered, heading for the door, âwelcome back to hell.â
The universe, unfortunately, had a sense of humor. Because the second you stepped out onto the front porch, armed with sunglasses, a bad attitude, and the vague hope that maybe your father had been greeting the mailman instead of your greatest seasonal inconvenience, you saw him.
Leaning against the hood of his car like heâd been placed there by an overly confident romance novelist. Of course. Of course Lee Heeseung would make an entrance by simply existing in expensive sunlight.
His car was obnoxious. Sleek, black, expensive enough to probably have its own trust fund. It sat in the driveway of the house next door like a personal insult, gleaming under the late afternoon sun while he leaned against it with all the irritating ease of a man who had never once struggled to be liked. White linen shirt, sleeves rolled to his forearms. Dark sunglasses pushed back into his hair. Skin already carrying the kind of summer tan people paid money to fake.
And that smirk. That stupid, smug, entirely too familiar smirk. Your father was by the front gate, already deep in conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Lee, who were as lovely as ever, warm, elegant, and somehow still producing that man without demanding an apology from the universe.
Mrs. Lee spotted you first. âOh, there she is!â There was genuine affection in her voice, which made this all worse. You pasted on your best socially acceptable smile and walked down the steps with the slow, resigned grace of someone approaching their own execution.
Mrs. Lee kissed your cheek, your mother appeared from somewhere behind you like sheâd been waiting for this exact moment, and within seconds both sets of parents were exchanging the usual summer pleasantries.
How was the drive?How long are you staying?Youâve gotten so grown up.We must have dinner together soon.
The rich-people mating dance. You answered where necessary, smiled where required, and tried very hard not to look to your left. Naturally, you failed. Because Heeseung was looking directly at you. Still leaning there. Still smirking. Like heâd been waiting for this. You crossed your arms instinctively. He pushed himself off the car. Slowly. Like a villain with excellent posture. Then, with the audacity of a man untouched by divine punishment, he looked you over once, head to toe, unhurried, deeply annoying, and said, âMissed me?â
You stared at him. There were many possible responses. Most of them involved violence. Your mother, standing three feet away, would probably object to murder in broad daylight, so you settled for a look sharp enough to qualify as attempted manslaughter. âI was actually having a wonderful day,â you said, âbut thanks for asking.â
His mouth twitched. Your father laughed because traitors lived everywhere. Heeseung slid his hands into his pockets, infuriatingly calm. âGood. Iâd hate to ruin your summer that quickly.â
âPlease,â you said sweetly. âYou ruin my summer just by continuing to exist.â
Mrs. Lee sighed in the fond, exhausted way of a woman who had witnessed this dance for over a decade. âSee? Exactly the same.â
âWorse, actually,â you said.
âAt least she admits she thinks about me,â Heeseung replied.
You inhaled. Exhaled. Decided prison orange would not flatter you. Your mother gave you a warning glance over the rim of her sunglasses, the universal signal for âdo not embarrass me in front of the neighborsâ. You smiled tightly. Heeseung smiled back like he was enjoying this far too much. He was. He always did. That was the problem.
From the outside, the two of you probably looked like some kind of old-Hollywood screwball romance, beautiful people exchanging insults in linen by the sea. From the inside, it felt more like mutual destruction with excellent lighting. Mr. Lee was discussing the yacht club renovation with your father now, and the adults had drifted slightly toward the garden, leaving just enough space for danger.
You turned toward him, lowering your voice. âIf youâre planning to spend this summer being extra unbearable, Iâd appreciate a warning so I can emotionally prepare.â
He leaned slightly closer, sunglasses hiding his eyes but not the amusement written all over his face. âEmotionally prepare?â he repeated. âYou? I thought your whole thing was pretending not to have emotions.â
You scoffed. âMy whole thing is surviving despite your presence.â
âCute.â
âDonât call me cute.â
âI didnât. I said your delusion was cute.â There it was. The familiar rhythm. Effortless. Annoying. Dangerous in the way old habits always were.
You hated how easy it was to fall back into it, like no time had passed at all. Like last summer hadnât ended with the two of you arguing on the marina docks at two in the morning, both too stubborn to say whatever actually needed saying. Like the almost-kiss years ago had never happened. Like your pulse didnât do something deeply embarrassing every time he stepped too close.
You adjusted your sunglasses and took one deliberate step back. âTry not to get hit by a yacht this summer, Heeseung. It would create paperwork.â
He grinned. âThere she is. I was worried college made you soft.â You smiled back, bright and false and weaponized. âAnd I was hoping maturity had found you. Shame weâre both disappointed.â
Mrs. Lee called his name from the garden before he could answer, and for one brief, shining moment, you experienced peace. He glanced toward his parents, then back at you. That smirk again. Like he knew something you didnât. Which was unacceptable. âSee you around, neighbor.â
You folded your arms tighter. âThreatening me already?â
âJust making promises.â God, you hated him. Truly. Deeply. Artistically. He turned then, walking back toward his parents with the lazy confidence of someone who had never once doubted the world would make room for him. Mrs. Lee adjusted his collar as he passed, and he let her, smiling in that easy, golden-boy way that made adults adore him and should have been scientifically illegal.
Spawn of the devil. Your father was still laughing at something Mr. Lee had said. Betrayal, everywhere. A few more polite goodbyes later, the Lees disappeared back into their perfectly landscaped kingdom next door, and you stood in the driveway watching Heeseung disappear behind the white fence like a storm cloud in designer sunglasses.
Your mother touched your arm. âYou could at least pretend to be nicer.â
âI was radiant with charm.â
âYou looked like you were planning arson.â
âThat was charm.â She sighed, already turning back toward the house. Inside, the air was cool again, but your mood had fully committed to violence. You followed her to the kitchen, where she resumed unpacking with suspicious calm, the calm of someone about to ruin your evening.
You should have known. âBy the way,â she said casually, arranging lemons in a bowl like a woman with no regard for her daughterâs suffering, âweâre having dinner with the Lees on Saturday.â
You stopped. âNo.â
She didnât even look up. âYes.â
âCancel.â
âNo.â
âFake your death.â
She placed the final lemon down and finally turned to face you. âBe serious.â
âI am serious. Iâm willing to help stage it.â Your mother smiled in the dangerous way mothers did when theyâd already won. âSaturday. Seven oâclock. Try not to start a war before dessert.â
You stared at her. At the lemons. At the kitchen. At the universe. Somewhere next door, Lee Heeseung was probably alive and smug. And now there would be dinner. Shared wine. Forced politeness. His knee probably brushing yours under the table just to ruin your life.
Your villain origin story, apparently, came with a seafood course. You picked up your abandoned lemonade and took a long sip like it contained stronger coping mechanisms. Summer had officially begun.
Tuesday arrived the way summer days in Jeju Island always did, slowly, lazily, like the sun itself had nowhere better to be.
By ten in the morning, the entire town had already settled into its usual rhythm. Tennis whites at the country club. Mothers with iced coffees and expensive sunglasses pretending not to gossip. Men in linen shirts discussing boats like they were discussing national policy. Teenagers and college kids spilling toward the beach in swimsuits and bad intentions. Everything here moved with the polished ease of old money and old habits. You hated how easy it was to slip back into it. There was something dangerous about returning to a place that remembered every version of you.
Summer here had a way of convincing people they were invincible. It was probably responsible for at least seventy percent of your mistakes. By afternoon, youâd decided your motherâs constant rearranging of flowers and reminders about Saturday dinner were enough to qualify as psychological warfare, so you escaped. You packed a beach tote with the seriousness of a military operation, sunscreen, sunglasses, a bottle of water, your newest hardcover, lip gloss, and the kind of bikini your mother would call unnecessary and your best friend would call revenge.
Then you walked the familiar path down to the shore. The beach behind the summer houses was quieter than the public side near the clubs and restaurants. Less crowded. More private. A stretch of pale sand bordered by dunes and sea grass, where the houses sat like silent judges overlooking the ocean. This part belonged to families like yours and the Lees, generational wealth and carefully curated summer traditions.
It also meant escape was limited. Still, the ocean was worth it. The salt-heavy breeze hit first, warm and familiar against your skin. Then the sound, the endless hush and crash of waves folding into shore, gulls overhead, distant laughter carried by the wind. You slipped your sandals off and let the sand burn briefly against your feet before finding your usual spot. Far enough from the water to keep your book safe. Close enough to hear the tide.
Perfect.
You spread your towel out, dropped your bag beside it, and stretched out on your back like a woman personally committed to becoming one with summer. Sunlight soaked into your skin almost instantly, warm and golden and heavy in that way only coastal afternoons could be. Your bikini was barely enough fabric to qualify as clothing, but that was the point. Tiny black straps against sun-kissed skin, sunglasses shielding your eyes, a paperback novel open against your stomach.
Peace. Actual peace. No dinner invitations. No passive-aggressive mothers. No Lee Heeseung. Just heat and salt and the kind of silence that felt earned. You read for a while, though read was a generous term for occasionally turning a page while mostly listening to the ocean and contemplating whether adulthood could be legally postponed forever. The book was good. The sun was better.
A few familiar faces passed along the shore, neighbors, old classmates, people youâd known your whole life in the vague, privileged way beach towns operated. There were waves, smiles, the occasional âwelcome back,â but no one lingered. Exactly how you liked it. At some point, you must have drifted halfway to sleep, caught in that hazy summer state where time stopped mattering. The sun had shifted warmer against your shoulders. The edges of your book blurred. Somewhere nearby, someone laughed.
Then a shadow fell across you. Immediately, your soul knew. Without even opening your eyes, you sighed. Deeply. Spiritually. Like a woman who had seen the face of God and found it disappointing. âNo.â
There was a beat of silence. Then, âThatâs not very neighborly.â Of course. You opened one eye. And there he was. Lee Heeseung, standing over your towel like some sort of beautifully dressed natural disaster. Shirtless, because apparently humility was not part of his summer wardrobe. Swim trunks slung low on his hips, sunglasses on, skin bronzed by the sun like heâd been handcrafted by someone with a personal vendetta against your patience.
Water still clung to his shoulders, droplets sliding slowly down his chest like the universe itself was trying to make your life harder. Annoying. Extremely annoying. You closed your eye again. âIf I ignore you long enough,â you said, âwill you evaporate?â
âI think that only works on your personality.â You considered throwing your book at him. It was hardcover. Tempting. Instead, you shifted onto one elbow and looked up at him over your sunglasses. âDonât you have a yacht to crash or someone else to emotionally inconvenience?â
He grinned, infuriatingly pleased with himself, and sat down uninvited at the edge of your towel like personal boundaries were a concept heâd heard of once and rejected on principle. âI was swimming.â
âI can see that. Congratulations on your ability to enter water.â
âThank you. I worked very hard.â
You stared at him. He stared back. There was something uniquely exhausting about Heeseungâs presence, like he moved through the world assuming everything, and everyone, would make room for him. And worse, they usually did. He looked out toward the ocean, arms resting loosely over his knees. For a second, with the sunlight catching against his skin and the sea stretching endlessly behind him, he looked less like your lifelong enemy and more like one of those postcard summers people spent the rest of their lives trying to recreate.
Which was dangerous. You hated when he looked cinematic. It made being annoyed significantly less efficient. âYouâre ruining my peaceful beach solitude,â you informed him.
âI noticed. You seemed too happy.â
âI wasnât happy. I was tolerating existence.â
âEven worse.â
You let your book fall shut against your lap. âThis is exactly why people warn me about you.â He tilted his head.
âNo, they warn people about you. Iâm universally beloved.â
You scoffed. âBy mothers and women with no standards.â
âAnd yet here you are, talking to me in a bikini.â
You sat up fully. âDonât flatter yourself. I was here first.â
âMm. Territorial.â
âGet off my towel.â
He laughed then, low and easy, carried by the wind and the waves, and it did something profoundly irritating to your bloodstream. That laugh had been the soundtrack to half your summers. Bonfires at sixteen. Pool parties at eighteen. Drunken arguments on docks at twenty. Memory was a cruel thing. You stood abruptly.
Enough. Absolutely enough. If you stayed any longer, youâd either drown him or make eye contact for too long, and both options felt equally dangerous. With the sharp efficiency of someone preserving her dignity by force, you started packing your things. Your book went into your tote. Sunscreen. Water bottle. Sunglasses pushed into your hair.
Heeseung leaned back on his hands, watching the whole performance with zero remorse. âLeaving already?â
âYes.â
âBecause of me?â
âDonât be ridiculous.â
A pause. Then, truthfully: âYes.â His smile widened. You hated how much he enjoyed winning tiny wars. You shoved your sandals on and slung your bag over your shoulder, glaring down at him with all the righteous fury of a woman denied a peaceful tanning session. âYou are genuinely the most irritating person I have ever met.â
He looked up at you, sunlight in his hair, smirk already waiting. âAnd yet you keep coming back every summer.â You opened your mouth. Closed it. Because unfortunately, he had a point, and you refused to give him the satisfaction of hearing that aloud. Instead, you gave him one last glare sharp enough to qualify as a formal threat and turned toward home.
The walk back felt warmer somehow, the sun heavier against your skin, sand clinging to your ankles. Behind you, his laughter followed, soft at first, then clearer as the wind carried it over the shoreline. Infuriating. Familiar. Summer itself, if summer had a god complex and perfect teeth. You didnât look back. But you could still hear him. And somehow, that felt worse.
Saturday arrived wrapped in sunlight and bad intentions. By six in the evening, the entire house smelled like citrus candles, your motherâs perfume, and the kind of expensive stress that came with hosting, or in this case, being hosted by, the Lees. The sun was beginning its slow descent over the water, pouring honey-colored light through the bedroom windows and turning everything soft and golden in a way that made even impending social torture look romantic.
Outside, Jeju Island was in full performance mode. The streets near the coast glowed with polished summer wealth, convertibles pulling into curved driveways, tennis bracelets catching the light, champagne already being chilled somewhere on a yacht that absolutely did not need to exist. The ocean breeze drifted in through the cracked windows carrying salt, jasmine, and the faint sounds of someone laughing too loudly three houses down.
Everything looked beautiful. Which was unfortunate, because beauty made suffering feel theatrical. You stood in the middle of your bedroom surrounded by what looked like the aftermath of a small fashion war. Dresses across the bed. Shoes abandoned like casualties. A hairbrush on the floor. Three rejected outfit options hanging from your closet door like public executions.
And in your hands, your salvation. An oversized gray hoodie. Soft. Reliable. Emotionally supportive. The kind of hoodie that said I do not wish to be perceived. Perfect. You pulled it over your head with the solemnity of a woman entering battle. It swallowed you immediately, sleeves too long, hem brushing your thighs, the entire look somewhere between off-duty model and suspicious raccoon. You stared at yourself in the mirror.
Excellent. If all went according to plan, the Lees would assume you were a drifter who had wandered in from the beach and politely ask you to leave before appetizers. Peace at last. Your mother entered without knocking, because privacy was apparently a concept reserved for only the elites. She stopped in the doorway.
Looked at you. Looked at the hoodie. Looked back at you. Silence. Long enough to be considered legally threatening. âNo,â she said.
You folded your arms. âCounterpoint: yes.â
âNo.â
âThis is fashion.â
âThis is a cry for help.â
You turned back to the mirror, adjusting the hood with dramatic precision. âIâm cultivating mystery. Theyâll be intrigued.â
âTheyâll think I forgot to raise you.â
âHonestly, that might buy me sympathy.â
Your mother crossed the room with the terrifying calm of a woman who had already made her decision three minutes ago. From behind her back, like a magician revealing the final trick, she produced a dress. Yellow. Of course it was yellow, why? Because, summer, darling. Not soft yellow. Not subtle yellow. The kind of rich, golden, sunlight yellow that looked like it belonged in a movie where everyone had unresolved feelings and excellent cheekbones.
A sleek sundress. Fitted enough to be dangerous, effortless enough to pretend it wasnât. You narrowed your eyes. âNo.â
âYes.â
âIt looks like optimism.â
âIt looks like summer.â
âIt looks like a setup.â
She held it up against you with complete disregard for your emotional well-being. âIt looks like you clean up beautifully.â There it was. The betrayal. Because that was exactly the problem. You knew the dress looked good. That made it worse. Wearing the dress meant effort. Effort meant possibility. Possibility meant Lee Heeseung seeing you in a dress that suggested maybe, potentially, under the right atmospheric conditions, you had once been nice to someone.
Unacceptable. You stepped back. âI would rather be hit by a jet ski.â
âWonderful. You can wear this to the hospital afterward.â
âMother.â
She sighed, setting the dress on the bed like a final verdict. âYou are not wearing that hoodie to dinner with the Lees. Mrs. Lee adores you, your father is already pretending this evening will be civilized, and I refuse to let my daughter look like she escaped from a beach bonfire.â You looked at the hoodie. The hoodie looked back. A fallen soldier. Somewhere in the distance, a gull cried out over the ocean like it, too, understood your suffering.
You flopped backward onto the bed with all the grace of a dying Victorian heroine. âThis is oppression.â
âThis is dinner.â
âThereâs seafood involved. That makes it worse.â
Your mother sat beside you, smoothing a wrinkle from the yellow dress. For a moment, the teasing slipped into something softer. âYouâve been doing this with him for years,â she said.
You stared at the ceiling. âDoing what?â She gave you a look, not sharp, not smug, just the tired wisdom of a woman who had watched two stubborn people circle each other for too long.
âThis one. The fighting. The pretending.â You groaned dramatically and threw an arm over your face. âIf this conversation ends with you calling him charming, Iâm moving to another country.â
She laughed then, quiet and warm. âIâm just saying⊠maybe try not to make tonight a battlefield.â Too late. The battlefield had excellent landscaping and probably a wine pairing. Still, after she left, the room felt quieter. The golden light had shifted lower now, stretching long shadows across the floorboards. From your window, you could see the neighboring house through the trees, white walls glowing in the sunset, lights beginning to flicker on, elegant and smug and entirely too close.
Somewhere over there was Heeseung. Probably looking expensive. Probably being annoying. Probably existing with that stupid face. You hated that your first instinct was to wonder what heâd be wearing. Probably linen. Men like him were always in linen, like they were personally sponsored by summer. With a sigh heavy enough to qualify as literature, you sat up and stared at the yellow dress again. It stared back, victorious.
Fine. Fine. You changed. And, because the universe enjoyed humiliation as a hobby, your mother was right. The dress fit like it had been designed specifically to ruin your peace. Thin straps, bare shoulders, the kind of silhouette that looked effortless and absolutely was not. Against sun-kissed skin, the yellow made you look like you belonged in this town, like expensive mistakes and beautiful bad decisions.
You hated it immediately. Mostly because you looked good. You stood in front of the mirror, turning once, suspicious. Like maybe if you stared hard enough, youâd find a flaw large enough to justify changing back into the hoodie. There wasnât one. Traitorous fabric. You added gold hoops, minimal makeup, lip gloss sharp enough to count as a weapon, and tried very hard not to think about why any of this mattered.
It didnât. Obviously. You were dressing for yourself. And if Lee Heeseung happened to see you and suffer emotionally, that was simply community service. Downstairs, your father was already waiting by the door with car keys and the resigned expression of a man who knew he was escorting two women into battle and had chosen survival over commentary. He looked up when you descended the stairs. Paused. Smiled. âWell,â he said, âyou look expensive.â
You picked up your clutch. âI plan to act accordingly.â Your mother beamed like sheâd personally invented beauty. You refused to acknowledge this. Outside, the evening had turned warm and velvet-soft, the sky streaked pink and gold over the ocean. The walk next door was barely two minutes, just enough time for dread to fully settle in.
The Lee house stood glowing at the end of the path, every window lit, laughter already drifting from inside. Dinner. Wine. Politeness. Heeseung. You inhaled slowly as your father reached for the front gate. Summer, apparently, had decided subtle suffering wasnât enough. It wanted dinner and a show. The Lee house always looked like it belonged in a magazine spread titled People With Better Lives Than You.
White stone, warm lights spilling from enormous windows, ivy climbing tastefully up the walls like even the plants here had trust funds. The front garden smelled like jasmine and sea air and whatever expensive candle Mrs. Lee probably had burning somewhere inside. Everything about it radiated polished wealth and the kind of family dinners where people said things like summering abroad.
You hated how nice it was. You hated even more that youâd spent half your childhood here. Birthday dinners. Pool parties. Christmases once, before everyone got too busy and too grown up for normal traditions. There were memories tucked into every corner of this place, most of them involving some version of you losing an argument to Lee Heeseung and plotting revenge by dessert.
Tonight, unfortunately, promised tradition. Mrs. Lee opened the door before you could even knock, all elegance and warmth in a silk dress the color of champagne. âThere you are!â She kissed your cheek before you had time to prepare emotionally. âLook at you,â she said, holding you at armâs length. âAbsolutely gorgeous.â From behind you, your mother made the smug little sound of victory.
You chose to ignore it. âYou say that now,â you said, stepping inside, âbut letâs revisit after I inevitably insult someone over seafood.â
Mrs. Lee laughed like she always did, like your bad attitude was somehow charming instead of hereditary. âNonsense. Weâre all family here.â That was the problem. The foyer opened into soft golden light and polished wood floors, the low hum of conversation drifting in from the dining room. Somewhere, glasses clinked. Somewhere else, your father and Mr. Lee were already discussing something expensive and unnecessary, probably boats.
You slipped off your sandals and stepped inside, the familiar warmth of the house wrapping around you. And then, of course, there he was. Lee Heeseung, leaning against the archway to the living room like heâd been strategically placed there for maximum irritation.
Black button-down this time, sleeves rolled, top buttons undone just enough to be a public health concern. Dark slacks. Watch glinting at his wrist. Hair slightly messy in that suspiciously intentional way attractive men got away with. He looked like summer trouble dressed in designer clothing. Annoying. Extremely annoying.
His gaze found you immediately. Paused. And for one dangerous second, he said nothing. Just looked. Slowly. Unhurriedly. Like the room had gone quiet around it. It started at your feet, moved upward, and landed finally on your face with something unreadable flickering behind his expression. Not smug. Worse. Appreciative. You wanted to throw yourself directly into the ocean. Instead, you smiled sweetly, the kind of smile that had ruined lesser men.
âTry not to look too shocked. I know basic hygiene is a surprise.â
His mouth twitched. âThere she is,â he said, voice low and easy. âI was worried the dress had made you nice.â
Your mother, traitor that she was, immediately linked arms with Mrs. Lee. âOh, perfect,â she said. âYou two can catch up while we finish setting the table.â
No. Absolutely not. You opened your mouth. âNoââ Too late. The parents had already vanished with the terrifying efficiency of adults who believed proximity solved everything. Your father gave you a look on the way out, the kind that said âbehaveâ, and disappeared toward the kitchen like a man abandoning a sinking ship.
And suddenly, it was just the two of you. Silence. Not awkward. Worse. Familiar. The kind of silence built over years of unfinished conversations and too much history. You crossed your arms. He mirrored nothing, which somehow made it more annoying. In your deeply correct and entirely unbiased opinion, âcatching upâ with Lee Heeseung translated loosely to trying to have a normal conversation without committing a felony.
A challenge, certainly. You managed three words. âWell. Youâre alive.â He nodded thoughtfully.
âStill devastatingly handsome too, thanks for noticing.â
You sighed. âThis is why people drink before family dinners.â
âAnd yet you came sober. Brave.â
You were preparing a truly excellent insult, something elegant, devastating, probably Pulitzer-worthy, when Mrs. Leeâs voice floated in from the dining room. âDinner!â Saved by seafood. You gave him one final look. âDonât make me regret this.â
He stepped aside, one hand gesturing toward the dining room like some smug Regency villain. âNo promises.â
The dining room looked exactly like every old-money summer dinner should. Long table, linen napkins, candles despite it still being warm outside. Too many wine glasses for any morally responsible evening. French doors stood open to the back patio where the ocean breeze drifted in soft and salted, carrying the sound of waves somewhere beyond the dunes. Sunset had bled fully into evening now, the sky darkening violet over the water.
Everything felt cinematic. Which was rude, considering your mood. Seats were assigned by parental conspiracy, obviously. You discovered yours and stopped. Heeseung. Right next to you. Naturally. Mrs. Lee smiled far too innocently. âI thought it would be nice.â It would not. It absolutely would not. But protesting would only make it worse, so you sat with the grace of a woman choosing violence internally. Heeseung took the seat beside you, looking entirely too pleased with the universe.
Across the table, your mother was already discussing someoneâs daughter getting engaged. Your father had wine. Mr. Lee had opinions about coastal property values. Everyone settled into conversation with the practiced ease of people who had done this for decades. And somehow, despite all of it, your entire awareness kept narrowing to the person sitting six inches to your right.
His knee brushed yours under the table. Lightly. Accidental. Probably. You froze for exactly half a second. Then refused to acknowledge it because dignity still mattered. You reached for your water. His hand reached for the bread basket. Fingers brushed. Again. This time, definitely not accidental. You turned your head. He was already looking at you. Calm. Composed. Infuriating.
Like he hadnât just weaponized table manners. You smiled without showing teeth. âIf youâre trying to start something over dinner rolls, Iâd like you to know thatâs a deeply embarrassing way to die.â
His expression remained perfectly neutral as he handed you the basket. âIâm just being polite.â
âSuspicious already.âÂ
Across from you, Mrs. Lee sighed fondly. âYou two are exactly the same.â
You and Heeseung answered at the same time. âAbsolutely not.â Everyone laughed. You considered faking your death. Dinner continued in that dangerous, glittering way summer dinners did, wine poured generously, stories repeated beautifully, everyone glowing a little softer in candlelight. Your parents kept bringing up old memories.
That camping trip when you were thirteen. The sailing lessons disaster. The time Heeseung pushed you into the pool and you threw his phone into the ocean. Mrs. Lee was still mad about that one. You maintained it had been justified. Everyone treated the two of you like old friends. Like there had always been affection under the arguments.
Like this was charming instead of mutually assured destruction. It was infuriating. Because they werenât wrong. That was the worse part. Every now and then, while someone else talked, youâd catch him looking at you. Not casually. Not the usual teasing glance. Longer. Quieter. Like he was trying to remember something. Or decide something. Too much. Entirely too much.
You focused on your wine. On your fork. Your plate. Literally anything else. But awareness sat there anyway, warm and sharp and impossible to ignore. The yellow dress suddenly felt like a mistake. The ocean breeze moved through the open doors. Candles flickered. Someone laughed at the far end of the table. And beside you, Lee Heeseung leaned back in his chair, looking unfairly good in soft light and expensive black clothing, like every bad decision summer had ever offered.
You hated him. Probably. Mostly. Which was becoming, very inconveniently, less convincing by the second.Â
By the time dinner ended, the sky had softened into that strange in-between hour where everything looked prettier than it had any right to. The table was abandoned in stages, wine glasses left half-full, dessert plates forgotten, your father and Mr. Lee still arguing about boats like it was a blood sport. Mrs. Lee and your mother disappeared into the kitchen with the kind of determined energy that suggested they were about to wash dishes neither of them had touched all evening.
Which left the younger generation exactly where summer always did. Outside. Near water. With alcohol. And poor judgment. Someone, probably Jay, because it always felt like a Jay decision, had suggested a beach fire, and within twenty minutes everyone had drifted down toward the private stretch of shoreline behind the houses like it was instinct.
It kind of was. This was what summers here were made of. Bonfires and old friends. Salt in your hair. Music from someoneâs phone speaker. Drinks passed around without anyone asking whose they were. The beach at night felt different than it did during the day. Softer somehow. Less polished. The tide rolled in slow and silver under the moonlight, waves folding quietly against the shore while the bonfire crackled warm against the cooling night air. Sand clung to bare ankles, the fire throwing gold over familiar faces.
It made everyone look younger. Closer to the versions of yourselves that had first started all this. Sunoo arrived first, carrying drinks and looking like downtown Cove had personally appointed him its stylish representative. Sharp grin, prettier than most women, and already prepared to be everyoneâs problem. âLook who survived dinner,â he said dramatically when he spotted you. âI was taking bets.â
âYou shouldâve bet against me,â you said, taking the drink he offered. âI nearly drowned in polite conversation.â
âTragic. And in that dress too. What a loss.â
âDonât encourage her,â Jay called from where he and Sunghoon were attempting to set up folding chairs in the sand with all the competence of men raised by money.
Jay looked exactly the same as always: clean-cut, expensive taste, and permanently carrying himself like he was five minutes away from judging someoneâs life choices. Which, to be fair, he usually was. Sunghoon stood beside him, all cool quiet and expensive silence, somehow managing to look elegant while losing a fight against a beach chair.
Some people were simply born unfair. From farther down the shore came the sound of laughter, bright and familiar, and then Eunchae appeared with Yunjin and Yoonchae trailing behind her, all of them carrying the kind of chaotic energy that guaranteed tonight would end with at least one regrettable decision. Eunchae saw you first and immediately pointed.
âThere she is! The woman of the hour.â You narrowed your eyes. âThat sounds like a threat.â
âIt is,â Yunjin said cheerfully, pulling you into a quick hug. âWeâve heard about dinner. Weâre here for details.â
âThere are no details.â
âThere are always details,â Yoonchae said.
And then, because the universe had apparently decided your suffering needed an audience, Lee Heeseung arrived. Late, naturally. Walking down the path from the houses with his sleeves rolled and his hands in his pockets like he was entering a film scene instead of a beach fire. The ocean breeze moved through his hair, and for one deeply annoying second, every girl within a ten-foot radius visibly remembered he was attractive.
Including you. Unfortunately. Sunoo, traitor that he was, smirked immediately. âAnd thereâs the other half of our favorite summer divorce.â
âPlease,â you said. âIâd need to marry him first, and I do have standards.â Heeseung dropped into the sand beside the fire like he belonged there, which, annoyingly, he did, and looked at you over the rim of the beer Jay handed him. âShe says that now. Give it ten years.â
âIn ten years, Iâll still be filing restraining orders.â
âRomantic,â Yunjin sighed. Everyone laughed. That was the problem with old friends, they remembered too much. This group had grown up together in fragments. Family dinners, yacht parties, beach bonfires at sixteen, too many summers collapsing into one long memory of sunburns and terrible choices. Theyâd all witnessed the evolution of whatever it was between you and Heeseung. Which meant they were insufferable about it. Sunoo stretched out dramatically in the sand.
âI still think you two should just get married and save us all time.â
Sunghoon, staring into the fire like a philosopher trapped in a luxury campaign, added, âAt this point, it would actually be less dramatic.â
Jay nodded once. âFinancially, it makes sense.â
You looked around the circle. âI need better friends.â
âNo,â Eunchae said, grinning, âyou need to admit youâve been flirting through mutual destruction for like eight years.â
You opened your mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. âThat is an incredibly rude accusation.â
Heeseung took a sip of his drink, far too calm. âSheâs right.âÂ
You turned toward him so fast it nearly counted as whiplash. âExcuse me?â
He shrugged. âYouâre meaner when you like someone.â
Sunoo made the loudest, most disrespectful sound of delight known to man. âOh my god, weâre finally saying it.â
âWe are saying nothing,â you snapped.
Yunjin leaned forward, eyes glittering. âShould we bring up the balcony incident?â
Absolutely not. You pointed at her. âIf you value our friendship, youâll choose silence.â Too late.
Eunchae gasped dramatically. âOh my god, the almost-kiss.â And there it was. Like a match dropped into gasoline. The balcony incident. Nineteen years old. One of Jayâs stupid summer parties. Too much champagne. Too much moonlight. Too much unresolved tension and a stupidly beautiful balcony overlooking the ocean. You and Heeseung had been alone for exactly seven minutes before an argument turned into standing too close, then silence, then that terrible suspended second where both people know exactly whatâs about to happen.
Youâd almost kissed. Almost. Then someone had opened the balcony door, reality had returned, and both of you had spent the next three years pretending it never happened. Civilization had survived. Barely. Around the fire, everyone looked delighted. You wanted the ocean to take you.
âIt was not an almost-kiss,â you said with dignity.
âIt absolutely was,â Sunoo replied.
âThere was tension,â Yoonchae added.
âThere was eye contact,â Eunchae said.
âThere was champagne,â Yunjin said solemnly.
Jay, like a judge delivering sentence, finished: âThat counts.â
You looked to Heeseung for support. A mistake. Because heâd gone strangely quiet. Not smug. Not teasing. Quiet. His gaze stayed on the fire, beer loose in his hand, jaw set just enough for you to notice because unfortunately, after years of knowing someone, you learned the small things. Interesting. Very interesting. You tilted your head slightly. He wasnât embarrassed.
If anything, he looked⊠annoyed. Or thoughtful. Like the memory had landed somewhere deeper than expected. That was new. Usually, Heeseung met chaos with amusement. He was good at pretending nothing mattered. But now, under the firelight, with everyone laughing around him and the ocean dark behind you, he looked still. You watched him for a second too long. Then he glanced up. Caught you.
And just like that, the moment snapped. His expression shifted back into something easier. Familiar. Dangerous. He smirked. You rolled your eyes so hard it shouldâve caused medical concern and took another drink. The conversation moved on, someone brought up an old yacht party disaster involving Sunghoon and a very expensive pair of loafers, Sunoo started a dramatic retelling of his brief and toxic relationship with a bartender from last summer, Eunchae laughed so hard she nearly fell backward into the sand.
The night folded around you, warm and nostalgic and too easy. This was the trap of summer. It made everything feel survivable. Even him. By the time the fire burned lower and people started drifting home, the moon sat high over the water and the beach had gone quiet again. You walked back alone, sandals in one hand, the other curled around your phone.
The sand was cool now under your feet. Waves whispered against the shore. Somewhere behind you, someone was still laughing. Your dress smelled like smoke. Your hair smelled like salt. And despite yourself, your mind kept circling back to one thing. That silence. The balcony. The firelight. The way Heeseung had gone quiet.
Interesting. You were still thinking about it when your phone buzzed in your hand. A text. You stopped walking. Looked down. Of course.
Heeseung
A single message.
Heeseung: still thinking about that balcony, or are you finally admitting i almost won?
You stared at the screen. There it was. The beginning of every bad idea. You should ignore it. You absolutely should. Instead, standing barefoot under the moonlight with the ocean at your back and your better judgment somewhere drowning offshore, you smiled. And typed back.
You: won what? you almost passed out from cheap champagne. history remembers the truth.
Three dots appeared almost instantly. Danger, apparently, texted first.Â
The following week was suspicious. Not in any dramatic, life-altering way. No scandals. No yacht crashes. No accidental engagements announced over brunch. Just⊠suspicious. Because you were happy. Unreasonably, offensively happy. The kind of happy that made people around you uncomfortable, like spotting a shark in shallow water and realizing it was smiling.
It started subtly. You slept better. You stopped glaring at sunlight like it had personally betrayed you. You let your mother drag you to the farmerâs market on Wednesday morning and only complained twice, which she later described to your father in the same tone people used for religious miracles. By Thursday, you had laughed, genuinely laughed, at something Mrs. Lee said over iced coffee, and your mother had nearly dropped a peach. âAre you ill?â she asked immediately.
You looked up from your sunglasses. âDeeply, but unrelated.â
She narrowed her eyes. âNo, seriously. Youâve been⊠cheerful.â The accusation hung between you. Cheerful. As if sheâd caught you committing tax fraud. You leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping your coffee with all the dignity of a woman being unfairly persecuted.
âIâm always cheerful.â
She gave you a look so flat it couldâve ironed shirts. âLast week you called a seagull a personal enemy.â
âIt knew what it did.â
Your father, reading the paper at the table, lowered it just enough to contribute, âYou also threatened the blender.â
âIt started first.â He nodded thoughtfully and returned to the business section. Traitor. The truth was harder to explain. There was no grand reason for it. No cinematic revelation. No dramatic confession under moonlight. Just summer. The beach. The sun. Late-night fires. Salt in your hair. And texts. That was the real problem. Because after the bonfire, Heeseung had texted again. And then again. Nothing serious. Nothing dangerous enough to name. Just stupid things.
A midnight text that only said: are you still pretending you didnât almost kiss me first
A blurry photo of Sunoo asleep on a yacht chair: proof he can be quiet
And every single time, against your better judgment and your carefully cultivated reputation for emotional self-preservation, you replied. Sometimes immediately. Sometimes after twenty strategic minutes. Because dignity mattered. Still, the effect had been catastrophic. You were smiling at your phone now. In public. Like a woman with no survival instincts.
On Friday afternoon, your mother found you standing in the garden staring at the hydrangeas like you were in a coming-of-age film. You were holding one bloom gently between your fingers, sunlight warm on your shoulders, genuinely appreciating how ridiculous and beautiful summer looked here.
She stopped on the patio, and squinted, then called into the house, âHoney, come outside. I think our daughter has been replaced.â
You rolled your eyes. âPlease. If I were replaced, the imposter would be nicer.â
âExactly my concern.â Unfortunately, your brief and scandalous flirtation with floral appreciation ended there. The hydrangea wilted two days later. Probably out of sheer terror. Even worse, people noticed. Everyone noticed. Sunoo, after seeing you smile at your phone during lunch, gasped like a Victorian widow and clutched his chest. âOh my god. Sheâs in love.â
You nearly threw your drink at him. âIâm blocking you.â
âDenial. Classic.â
âItâs called boundaries.â
âItâs called a crush.â Across the table, Heeseung said absolutely nothing. Which, somehow, was worse, because lately, heâd been watching you. Not constantly, not obviously, just enough, across dinner tables, from the beach, leaning against his car while pretending not to. Curious. Like heâd noticed the shift and hadnât decided what to do with it yet, like he was waiting.
On Sunday, you passed him outside while coming back from the beach, still warm from the sun, tote bag over your shoulder, skin glowing with the kind of happiness you were trying very hard not to examine too closely. And for reasons still unknown to science, you smiled at him. Not your usual sharp smile, not sarcastic, not weaponized. Bright, easy, and real.
It happened before you could stop it. For one glorious second, Lee Heeseung looked genuinely startled. Actually startled. He stopped mid-step, eyebrows lifting like his brain had temporarily lost signal. He didnât smile back, just looked at you with that unreadable expression and one slightly raised brow, like he was trying to solve a puzzle and deeply suspicious of the answer.
You kept walking, because stopping would imply weakness. But halfway up your front steps, you could still feel it, that look, and somewhere behind you, you just knew he was still standing there, watching. Interesting. Very, very dangerous.
By Friday night, the entire town had collectively decided to be beautiful. You could feel it in the air. Summer in Jeju Island had a rhythm to it, and bonfire nights sat somewhere near the top of the food chain, just beneath yacht parties and just above making terrible decisions in someone elseâs kitchen at two in the morning. The beach changed on nights like this.
During the day, it belonged to families and sunscreen and children building sandcastles with inherited wealth. But at night, especially on Fridays, it belonged to people your age. To music drifting over the dunes. To bottles hidden badly in tote bags. To girls in tiny dresses and boys pretending they werenât trying too hard. Bonfire nights were for performance. And if there was one thing you respected, it was committing to a bit. You stood in your bedroom with your closet doors thrown open and the kind of focus usually reserved for military strategy.
Your bed was covered in options. Black satin. White linen. Something red Yoonchae once described as âemotionally irresponsible.â You were considering that one. Because tonight wasnât just any bonfire. Tonight, everyone would be there. Which meant he would be there. And while you were a mature, evolved woman who absolutely did not make outfit decisions based on Lee Heeseungâs potential suffering, you were also not a liar. You pulled the red dress off its hanger. Short, silk, and worst of all, backless. The kind of dress that looked like bad decisions and expensive apologies. Perfect.Â
You slipped it on slowly, watching yourself in the mirror as the fabric settled against your skin like it had been waiting for this exact moment. It clung where it should, skimmed where it mattered, and left just enough to imagination to make imagination work overtime. Dangerous. Excellent. You added gold jewelry because subtlety was for people with less interesting lives. Glossed lips. Soft waves in your hair. Perfume that smelled like jasmine and poor choices.
Then heels. Not practical for the beach. That was beside the point. When you walked downstairs, your father was on the couch pretending to read and your mother was rearranging flowers for sport. Both looked up. Your father blinked once. Then lowered his book. âShould I be concerned?â
âAlways,â you said.
Your mother smiled like she was watching an expensive revenge plot unfold in real time. âWhere exactly are you going dressed like that?â
You picked up your clutch. âTo remind people to mind their business.â
Your father muttered something about raising a supervillain. Your mother kissed your cheek on the way out and whispered, âBe safe.â Which, translated from mother-language, meant: Donât get arrested. Donât set anything on fire. Try not to ruin anyoneâs son permanently. No promises.
The walk to the beach felt cinematic. Warm night air against bare skin. The sound of waves pulling at the shore. Music already carrying from farther down the sand, bass soft and distant beneath the ocean. The moon hung low and bright over the water, silver against black waves. Firelight flickered somewhere ahead. And by the time you stepped over the dunes and onto the shore, every head turned. Good. Let them. There was power in being seen and knowing exactly what they were seeing. Sunoo, standing near the cooler with a drink in one hand and judgment in the other, spotted you first.
He froze dramatically. Then placed a hand over his heart. âOh,â he said. âShe came to kill.â âSomeone has to keep standards alive.â
He looked you up and down with the solemn respect of a man appreciating art. âThat dress should come with legal paperwork.â
âExcellent. Iâm hoping for emotional damages.â Eunchae appeared next, immediately grabbing your arm. âNo, seriously, turn around. I need to hate you properly.â You did, because generosity mattered. She groaned. âIâm ending our friendship.â
âUnderstandable.â Yunjin, from beside the fire, raised her drink toward you. âWhatever crime you commit tonight, I support you.â
âThank you. That means a lot.â The bonfire itself was already in full swing. Someone had dragged out chairs no one was using. Music played low from a speaker half-buried in someoneâs beach bag. Jay and Sunghoon were debating something useless near the waterline with the seriousness of men discussing world peace instead of tequila brands. People moved in loose circles, laughing, drinking, pretending not to stare at each other. Summer. Beautiful and a little stupid.
And then, like a sixth sense specifically designed to inconvenience you, you felt it. That look, across the fire, Heeseung. He stood with Jay near the cooler, beer in hand, black shirt rolled at the sleeves, looking like heâd walked straight out of an ad for poor decisions. The firelight caught against the sharp line of his jaw, the glint of his watch, the expression on his face, which, for one deeply satisfying second, was surprise. Real surprise.
His eyes landed on you and stayed there. Paused. Moved once, slow and deliberate, like he was trying very hard not to react and failing in private. He noticed, immediately, of course he did. You smiled, not at him, but in his direction, which was somehow worse, and turned your attention elsewhere. Because if you were going to weaponize beauty tonight, subtlety would only dilute the effect.
His name was Minjae, which you remembered mostly because heâd tried to kiss Yunjin two summers ago and gotten publicly roasted for it. Harmless. Pretty enough. From one of the families near the marina. More importantly, available. He approached with exactly the kind of confidence men borrowed from expensive watches. âWell,â he said, smiling as he stepped closer, âyouâre either trying to ruin someoneâs life tonight or start a small war.â
You took the drink he offered. âCanât it be both?â He laughed, leaning in just enough to suggest intention. And from the corner of your eye, there, heeseung watching, not openly, but enough. His posture had changed, slightly stiffer, beer untouched, expression neutral in the way men got when they were trying very hard not to look like they wanted to commit a felony. Interesting. Very interesting.
You smiled brighter. Poor Minjae. A perfectly nice civilian about to become collateral damage. âYou clean up well,â he said. âI usually do.â
âIâve noticed.â
âHave you?â The conversation was easy, almost too easy. Light touches. Leaning closer. The practiced dance of summer flirting where no one meant too much and everyone pretended otherwise, and the entire time, you could feel it.
That awareness from across the fire. Sharp, and steady. Heeseung. You laughed a little louder than necessary. Touched Minjaeâs arm. Tilted your head just enough. Purely for scientific purposes. Across the beach, Sunoo noticed first, because gossip was basically his cardio.
He looked from you to Heeseung and nearly ascended. âOh,â he whispered to no one and everyone. âOh, this is delicious.â
Jay followed his line of sight and physically winced. âSomeone should probably stop this.â
Sunghoon, wise as ever, took a sip of his drink and said, âNo.â Correct. Absolutely no one should stop this. Because now Heeseung was walking over. Slowly. Calmly. Which was infinitely more dangerous than if heâd looked angry. He moved like someone with a purpose. Like the ocean itself had personally requested violence. Minjae was still talking. Something about boats. You had no idea. Because Heeseung stopped beside you, close enough for the smell of expensive cologne and sea air to ruin your peace.
And said, casually, too casually, âDidnât know you liked boring men.â Silence. Beautiful. Terrible. Immediate. Minjae blinked. You took a slow sip of your drink. Turned your head. Looked directly at him. And smiled.
Oh. This was going to be fun. Minjae, to his credit, had enough self-preservation instincts to realize when heâd accidentally wandered into someone elseâs war. He looked between you and Heeseung, your too-sweet smile, Heeseungâs dangerously calm expression, and gave the kind of laugh people used when backing away from wild animals.
âWell,â he said, lifting his drink slightly, âIâm suddenly remembering I promised Sunoo Iâd help him with⊠something.â Sunoo, across the fire, yelled, âI did notââ Too late. Minjae was already retreating into the night, leaving you alone with the problem. Which was standing far too close and looking far too pleased with himself. You turned slowly, crossing your arms.
âDid you just scare off my entertainment?â
Heeseung took a sip of his beer like he hadnât committed a social crime. âIf your entertainment starts explaining boat engines, Iâm doing you a favor.â
âI was having a lovely time.â
âNo, you were being annoying on purpose.â You placed a hand dramatically over your heart. âAnd here I thought I was subtle.â
He looked at you then, really looked, and the amusement thinned just enough to let something sharper through. âThatâs the problem.â The fire crackled behind you. Somewhere farther down the beach, someone shouted over the music. Laughter carried on the wind.
But here, in the small space between you and him, everything had gone quieter. You tilted your head. âWhat exactly is the problem, Lee?â His jaw shifted. That tiny thing he did when he was trying not to say too much. Dangerous.
âYou always do this.â You blinked once, deliberately. âDo what?â He stepped closer. Not enough for touching. Enough for trouble. âAct like you donât know exactly what youâre doing.â There it was. Not a joke. Not banter. Something real enough to make your pulse trip over itself. You shouldâve backed up. You didnât. Instead, you smiled, that slow, sharp smile you used when you were either about to win or about to ruin your own life.
âAnd what exactly am I doing?â He let out one quiet laugh, humorless. âSeriously?â
âVery.â His eyes dropped briefly to your mouth. Mistake. Terrible, catastrophic mistake. Because suddenly the entire night rearranged itself around that single glance. The firelight. The ocean. The red dress. His voice lower now, rougher around the edges.
âYou flirt with people you donât care about,â he said. âYou get that look on your face when youâre trying to prove something. And then you wait to see who notices.â Your heartbeat was officially embarrassing. You folded your arms tighter, mostly so he wouldnât notice.
âAnd you noticed.â He didnât answer immediately. Which was answer enough. The moonlight silvered the edges of everything, the shoreline, the glass in his hand, the expression he was trying and failing to keep neutral. You swallowed. Slowly. âSounds like a you problem.â His mouth twitched.
âProbably.â There it was again, that unbearable thing between you, stretched tight as wire. Years of almosts. Arguments that had never really been about arguments. Every summer version of yourselves layered on top of each other until neither of you knew where the joke ended and the truth began. You could still remember the balcony. Nineteen. Champagne. His hand on the railing beside yours. That second where everything had almost changed.
You wondered if he was thinking about it too. You suspected he was. Because now he was closer. And now you could smell the ocean on his skin, something expensive underneath it, and the very specific danger of a man who knew exactly what he was doing. You should absolutely leave. Instead, because self-destruction was apparently hereditary, you said softly, âYouâre jealous.â
His expression sharpened. âDonât flatter yourself.â âToo late.â âYou think this is funny.â
âNo,â you said. âI think youâre jealous, and I think you hate that I noticed.â He stepped in once more. Enough that your breath caught. Enough that the entire world narrowed. âCareful.â
âOr what?â Your voice came out quieter than intended. He noticed. Of course he noticed. His gaze dropped again, slower this time, and when he spoke, it was barely above the sound of the waves. âOr youâll say something you canât take back.â Silence. The dangerous kind. You could hear your own breathing. The ocean behind him. Someone laughing far away, in another universe where people made good choices. Here, there was only this. His hand brushing your bare arm as he shifted. Your pulse in your throat. The ridiculous certainty that if either of you moved half an inch, the entire summer would split open.
You thought, this is it. Finally. At last. And then, âOH MY GOD, THERE YOU TWO ARE.â Eunchae. Of course. She appeared like divine punishment in platform sandals, carrying two drinks and absolutely no sense of timing. You jumped back so fast it shouldâve counted as cardio. Heeseung looked like he might walk directly into the ocean. Eunchae stopped. Looked between you. The space. The tension. The crime scene. And grinned like the devil herself.
âWow,â she said. âI almost feel bad interrupting whatever deeply repressed thing was happening here.â âDonât,â you said immediately.
âNever,â Heeseung muttered at the exact same time. She handed you a drink with the smugness of a woman collecting evidence. âCute. Anyway, Sunoo is taking bets on whether you two make out before August.â
You took the drink because murder was illegal. âTell Sunoo I hope he loses money.â
âOh, he definitely wonât.â She skipped away before either of you could respond, leaving behind chaos and the lingering smell of coconut perfume. Silence again. But ruined now. Worse, somehow. Because now both of you knew. Not the joke. Not the performance. The actual thing underneath it. And once you knew that, pretending got harder. You stared out at the water. He stared at the fire. Neither of you said anything. Eventually, as the night thinned and people started leaving in groups of laughter and half-finished conversations, it became painfully obvious that your usual ride home had abandoned you in favor of some post-party food run.
Which left, âGet in.â You stood beside Heeseungâs car, clutching your shoes in one hand and your pride in the other. âNo.â He unlocked the passenger door without looking at you. âYes.â âIâd rather walk.â
âItâs two miles.â
âIâm resilient.â
âYouâre dramatic.â
You narrowed your eyes. He opened the door wider. âGet in.â And because the universe hated you, you did. The drive home was quiet. Not awkward. Worse. The kind of silence that knew too much. The windows were down, warm night air rushing through the car, carrying salt and smoke and the last traces of summer bonfire on your skin. Your heels sat abandoned on the floor. Your red dress still smelled like fire.
He drove with one hand on the wheel, the other resting near the console, expression unreadable in the passing streetlights. You looked out the window because looking at him felt like volunteering for emotional damage. Neither of you mentioned the almost-kiss. Neither of you mentioned anything. When he pulled into your driveway, the house was dark, your parents already asleep.
For one second, neither of you moved. Then you reached for the door. At the same time, his hand shifted. Your fingers brushed. Just barely. Warm. Accidental. Or maybe not. You froze. So did he. And for one stupid, suspended second, it felt like the whole world was holding its breath again. Then you pulled your hand back. Too fast. âGoodnight,â you said. Too quiet. He nodded once.
âNight.â You got out. Walked to the front door. Did not look back. But you could feel him there, still sitting in the driveway, engine running, watching until you got inside. And later, long after the house had gone still and the ocean whispered somewhere beyond your window, you lay awake staring at the ceiling. Wide awake. Heart traitorous. Mind worse. Because now you knew. And so did he. Nobody slept.
The next few days were a masterclass in mutual psychological damage. Not dramatic damage. Worse. Polite damage. The kind where nothing happened and somehow everything did. You didnât fight. That was the first sign something had gone horribly wrong. No sarcastic remarks over morning coffee. No pointed comments when passing each other near the beach path. No weaponized flirting in front of your parents. No smug little âmorning, neighborâ from across the driveway.
Nothing. Just awkward, terrible silence. Youâd see him and immediately become fascinated by literally anything else. The mailbox. A cloud. The concept of sand. Anything but eye contact. Because eye contact implied remembering. And remembering implied the bonfire. The almost-kiss. The car ride. His hand brushing yours like the universe personally wanted you to suffer. No, thank you. You were suddenly the busiest woman alive. If he was at the beach, you were tragically needed elsewhere.
If he was by the marina, you had urgent business in the opposite direction. If he was leaning against his stupid car looking like a rich-boy problem in linen, you turned around. Dignity first. Unfortunately, subtlety had never survived around your families. By Wednesday morning, Mrs. Lee noticed. Of course she did. That woman could detect emotional tension like a bloodhound. You were outside watering your motherâs increasingly judgmental hydrangeas, a task youâd been assigned after the tragic and suspicious death of the previous one, when it happened.
The sun was already warm, the kind of bright coastal morning that made everything look too innocent. Birds chirping. Ocean breeze drifting through the hedges. A peaceful suburban scene. Lies. Across the white fence separating your houses, Mrs. Lee stood on her patio with a basket of laundry and the sharp, narrowed gaze of a woman putting pieces together. You shouldâve run. Instead, you smiled weakly.
Mistake. Because at that exact moment, Heeseung stepped outside. Coffee in one hand. Sunglasses. Half-awake and offensively attractive. He looked toward you automatically. You looked anywhere else so fast it nearly caused whiplash. Silence. A beat. Then, Mrs. Lee gasped.
Not a small gasp. A full-body gasp. The kind that meant family history was about to be rewritten. She turned toward her son so fast the laundry basket nearly died for it. âLee Heeseung!â He stopped mid-sip. Already tired. âMom, what.â
Her hand flew dramatically toward your side of the fence like she was presenting evidence in court. âWhat did you do to Y/N?â From your yard, you froze. The watering can continued pouring directly onto your foot. Fantastic. Heeseung blinked. âMom, what do you mean?â âShe isnât looking you in the eyes!â
Across two properties and approximately three decades of neighborhood gossip, your soul left your body. âMrs. Leeââ you tried weakly. She was unstoppable. âDo not Mrs. Lee me. I raised you both. I know things.â
Heeseung rubbed a hand down his face. âMomââ Her eyes widened. Her voice rose. âDid you finally have sex?â Silence. Birds stopped singing. The ocean itself paused. From somewhere inside your house, your father definitely dropped something. And then, Mrs. Lee, with the volume of a woman chosen by God for this exact purpose: âDONâT TELL ME SHE CANâT LOOK AT YOU BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT YOUR DICK LOOKS LIKEââ
âMOM!â
âMrs. Lee!â You. Heeseung. Probably the entire coastline. At that point, survival instincts kicked in. You dropped the watering can. Actually dropped it. Water everywhere. Dignity nowhere. And then you ran. Not walked. Not gracefully retreated. Ran. Straight through the back door, up the kitchen steps, past your mother, who was holding coffee and looked far too entertained, and directly into the sanctuary of your bedroom like a Victorian woman fleeing scandal.
Your heart was trying to leave your chest. Your cheeks were on fire. You pressed both hands to your face and groaned into the universe. This was it. This was how you died. Not dramatically. Not beautifully. Killed by secondhand embarrassment and one very loud mother. Worse, far, far worse, you were blushing. Blushing. For a man currently being publicly lectured about sex on a Wednesday morning.
Humiliating. Absolutely unforgivable. Your mother knocked once on your door and entered anyway, because privacy remained a myth. She took one look at you face-down on the bed and smiled like a woman watching reality television. âWell,â she said, setting her coffee down, âthat clears some things up.â
âPlease leave me here to decompose.â
âIâd love to, but dinner is in two hours.â
Cruelty. Pure cruelty. Later that afternoon, once the heat of your humiliation had cooled from catastrophic to survivable, you made the dangerous mistake of leaving the house. Just a quick walk, you told yourself. Fresh air. Emotional recovery. Absolutely no Heeseung. The universe laughed. Because halfway down the lane near the beach path, there he was. Of course. Standing beneath the shade of the jacaranda trees like some handsome curse. You stopped. He stopped.
For one horrible second, neither of you moved. Then you made the deeply strategic decision to simply walk faster. Ignore. Evade. Survive. Unfortunately, Lee Heeseung had longer legs and audacity. âY/N.â His voice behind you made your spine straighten. You kept walking. Badly. âY/N.â Closer now. You stopped because running twice in one day felt like poor character development. Slowly, with all the grace of someone approaching public execution, you turned.
He stood there looking⊠weirdly nervous. Interesting. Suspicious. Your cheeks immediately remembered this morning and attempted betrayal. No. Absolutely not. You stared at a point somewhere near his left shoulder. âIâm sorry,â you blurted. Fast. Too fast. Like the words had tripped over each other trying to escape.
âFor the thing. Earlier. Your mom. I meanânot your mom, obviously sheâs lovely, but the yelling and theââ you gestured vaguely at existence ââeverything. Sorry.â Excellent. Elegant. A true masterclass in social recovery. You were already preparing to evaporate when he stepped forward and stopped you. Not dramatically. Just enough. A hand lightly catching your wrist. Warm. Immediate regret. âY/N.â You looked up instinctively. And there it was. Eye contact. Actual, dangerous eye contact. For one second, all the confidence he usually wore like expensive cologne just⊠vanished. Gone. He blinked once. Twice. And thenâ âIâuh.â
You stared. Heeseung Lee. Golden boy. Professional menace. Smooth-talking devil of Jeju Island. Stuttering. You would treasure this forever. He cleared his throat. âSunoo wanted me to give you this.â He shoved a folded paper into your hand like it had personally offended him. âAn invite. For Friday. Heâs doing some thingâwell, not some thing, itâs a party, obviously, and he said if I forgot, heâd kill me, soââ He kept talking. Rambling, actually.
Words continuing in increasingly unnecessary detail while you stood there holding the paper, blinking. Because now he was nervous. Actually nervous. And somehow that was worse. Far worse. You grabbed the invitation. Nodded once. And, choosing self-preservation above all else, turned and walked away at a speed just barely pretending not to be fleeing. Fast. Very fast.
Behind you, his voice stopped. Silence. Then, a soft scoff. Followed by a quiet chuckle, carried lightly by the ocean breeze. You didnât turn around. Absolutely not. But you could feel it anyway. Him standing there. Watching you speed-walk your dignity down the lane. And annoyingly, your heart was still beating too fast. Friday night arrived heavy with heat.
The kind of heat that sat low against your skin and made the entire town feel slower, softer, dangerous in ways daylight never was. By nine, the sky over Jeju Island had gone ink-dark, the moon hanging pale over the water, and the beach had transformed again into its usual summer ritual, music spilling over the dunes, bonfires burning low and golden, laughter rising and dissolving into the sound of the tide. Sunooâs parties were never really parties. They were events. Carefully chaotic, full of beautiful people pretending they were not looking at one another too closely. Someone always brought expensive liquor. Someone always made a bad decision. Someone always kissed the wrong person under the excuse of summer.
Tonight, the air felt like it had already decided who that would be. You had tried not to think about it while getting ready. Failed, of course. Because the truth was, the last few days had left something unsettled between you and Heeseung. No more easy arguments. No more familiar rhythm to hide behind. Just glances held too long and silences that felt louder than fights ever had. And the memory of his hand on your wrist.
The way he had looked at you. The way he had lost words. It had followed you all week. So when you dressed tonight, it wasnât for attention. It was armor. A black dress this time, simpler than the red one, but worse somehow. Thin straps, soft fabric, bare skin at your back, the kind of dress that didnât ask to be noticed because it already knew it would be. Your hair loose, your mouth glossed, gold at your throat catching the light. You looked like someone about to make a mistake.
And maybe that was the point. By the time you arrived, the party had already spilled toward the shoreline. Music low, drinks in warm hands, familiar faces blurred by firelight and moonlight and too much history. You let yourself be folded into it. Yoonchae pressed a drink into your hand. Yunjin laughed at something dramatic Sunoo was saying near the fire. Jay stood half in the water, arguing with Sunghoon over something neither of them would remember tomorrow. Everything looked normal.
It almost felt normal. Until you saw him. Heeseung stood near the edge of the beach, farther from the fire than everyone else, a drink untouched in his hand, dark shirt open at the throat, sleeves rolled carelessly to his forearms. He wasnât laughing. Wasnât talking much. Just watching. And when his eyes found yours, the rest of the beach seemed to pull backward.
There it was again. That terrible, quiet thing. You looked away first. Coward. The night stretched. Another drink. Then another. Enough to soften the edges but not enough to blur them. Enough to make your body warm and your thoughts reckless. Enough to make him impossible to ignore. You felt him before he reached you. That shift in the air.
That awareness. You turned, and there he was. Close. Too close.
âHaving fun?â he asked, voice low enough that no one else could hear. You tilted your glass against your lips. âImmensely. Iâve only considered fleeing twice.â His mouth almost smiled. âOnly twice?â âIâm pacing myself.â Silence settled between you, but not the easy kind. The kind that waited. The kind that knew.
The ocean stretched black behind him, waves breaking silver under moonlight. Firelight moved over his face in pieces, catching the sharpness of him, the tension in his jaw. âYouâve been avoiding me,â he said. Not accusing. Worse. Certain. You looked at him then.
âHave I?â
âYes.â
âMaybe youâre just easier to avoid lately.â
His expression shifted. Something quieter. Sharper. âThat morning embarrassed you.â Mrs. Leeâs voice echoed in your memory and heat climbed your neck instantly. You looked away toward the water. âYour mother nearly announced your sex life to the entire coastline.â
âShe likes you.â
âI nearly died.â
A brief silence. Then, softer, âYou ran.â You let out a dry laugh. âWouldnât you?â
âNo.â
âNo,â you agreed. âYouâd stand there and make it worse.â
âThat does sound like me.â For a second, it almost eased. Almost. Then he said, quieter this time, âThatâs not why youâve been avoiding me.â The wind moved between you, carrying salt and the faint smoke of the fire. No. It wasnât. Because the truth sat uglier than that. You had been avoiding him because once something shifted, you couldnât shift it back. Because pretending was harder now. Because every look felt like standing too close to the edge of something.
Because if you let yourself think too hard about him, you would ruin everything. And maybe you already had. You set your drink down in the sand. âDonât.â
âDonât what?â
âDo this.â His gaze didnât move from yours. âDo what?â You laughed once, breathless and frustrated. âThis. This thing where you look at me like Iâm supposed to know what youâre thinking.â
He stepped closer. Moonlight and firelight and trouble. âMaybe you do.â Your pulse stumbled. âYouâre impossible.â His voice dropped. âSo are you.â
And there it was. Years of it. Every argument. Every summer. Every almost. The balcony. The beach. The car ride. Every second spent pretending there wasnât something here because admitting it would mean letting it matter. You could hear your own breathing. His too. Close enough now that it blurred. You should walk away.
You should say something cruel, something sharp enough to put distance back between you. Instead, you stayed. Because the truth was simpler than pride. You wanted him. Maybe you always had. And he looked at you like he knew it. Like he had been waiting for you to stop lying. His hand brushed your bare arm, slow enough to feel like a question. You should have answered no. Instead, your voice came out quieter than you intended. âTell me to stop.â He didnât. For one suspended second, neither of you moved.
Then he kissed you. It felt like anger, like relief, like something starved, messy and immediate and years too late. Your hands found him without permission, his shirt, the line of his jaw, the back of his neck. His mouth was warm and rough against yours, like heâd thought about this too many times and was done pretending otherwise. There was nothing careful about it. No softness. No hesitation.
Just all the tension finally breaking open. He kissed you like he was trying to win something, and you kissed him like losing had never sounded better. The sound that left him was low, wrecked, against your mouth. His hand tightened at your waist, pulling you closer until there was no space left to pretend inside. When he finally pulled back, it was barely, forehead against yours, breath uneven, your lips still brushing when he spoke.
âFuck.â The word sounded like confession. Then his mouth found yours again, harder this time, and the world narrowed to heat and salt and the way his hands made thinking impossible. He kissed down the corner of your mouth, breath warm against your skin, voice rough and half-lost. âMm. Fuck, inside. Now.â You should have laughed. Should have reminded him he was arrogant, impossible, and absolutely not carrying you anywhere. Instead, when he lifted you, your legs finding his instinctively, your mouth was still on his.
Still kissing him as he walked. Across the sand. Up the path. Toward his house lit quiet against the night. The world beyond it disappeared. There was only this. His hands. Your heartbeat. The sound of the ocean somewhere behind you like witness. The back door. The hallway. Darkness and breath and mouths and hands and years of wanting collapsing all at once.
He barely got his bedroom door shut before you were against it, the sound of it closing sharp in the dark. Heeseung didnât waste a second. His mouth was back on yours before the echo faded, hotter, deeper, more desperate than on the beach. One large hand cupped the back of your head, the other already sliding down the curve of your waist, gripping the soft fabric of your black dress like heâd waited years to tear it off.
You gasped into the kiss as your back hit the door again, the wood cool against your bare shoulders. His body pressed flush against yours, hard and burning, the evidence of how much he wanted you unmistakable against your stomach. âFuck, this dress,â he muttered against your lips, voice gravel-rough. His fingers found the thin straps first, tugging them down your shoulders with impatient hands. The fabric whispered as it slid down your body, pooling at your waist before he pushed it lower, letting it fall completely to the floor in a dark heap around your ankles.
He pulled back just enough to look at you, bare except for the delicate black bra and panties, skin flushed, chest rising fast. His eyes darkened, jaw tight. âBeautiful,â he breathed, almost angry about it. âSo fucking beautiful it pisses me off.â
Then his head dipped. His lips found the swell of your breast above the bra, hot and open-mouthed, tongue dragging over the lace. You arched into him with a shaky moan as he mouthed at your nipple through the thin fabric, sucking lightly, then harder, the wet heat of his mouth making your knees weak. His teeth grazed just enough to make you whimper.
Your hands trembled as you reached for his belt, fumbling with the buckle in the dark. The metallic clink sounded loud in the quiet room. You shoved his shirt up and off his shoulders, desperate to feel skin, and he helped you, ripping it the rest of the way off and tossing it somewhere behind him.
The moment his belt came undone, your hand slipped inside, palming him over his boxers. He groaned low against your chest, hips twitching forward into your touch. But Heeseung wasnât letting you set the pace. His hand slid down your stomach, fingers hooking into the waistband of your panties and pushing them aside without ceremony. Two long fingers dragged through your folds, finding you already slick and aching for him.
âShit,â he hissed against your nipple, voice vibrating through your skin. âYouâre soaked.â You couldnât even answer properly, only a broken sound escaped as his fingers circled your clit once, twice, before sliding lower and pushing inside you without warning. The stretch was sudden, perfect, and your head fell back against the door with a soft thud.
Heeseungâs mouth switched to your other breast, sucking harder now, tongue flicking over the hardened peak while his fingers curled inside you, slow and deep, stroking that spot that made your thighs shake. His thumb pressed firm circles against your clit in time with every thrust of his fingers.
Your hand tightened around his cock, stroking him through the fabric as best you could while your other hand clutched at his shoulder, nails digging in. âHeeseungââ His name came out wrecked, half-moan, half-plea. He lifted his head from your chest, lips shiny, eyes nearly black with want. His fingers didnât stop moving inside you, steady and relentless.
âSay it again,â he demanded, voice low and rough. âMy name. Like that.â You did, moaning it louder this time as he added a third finger, stretching you open, preparing you for what was coming next. His mouth crashed back onto yours, swallowing every sound you made while his fingers fucked you against the door, wet sounds mixing with your ragged breathing.
Your dress was long forgotten on the floor. His pants hung low on his hips. The only thing that mattered now was the burning friction between you, the years of tension finally snapping apart in the dark of his bedroom. And neither of you was nearly done yet. Heeseungâs fingers were still buried deep inside you when he suddenly pulled them out, leaving you empty and clenching around nothing. You barely had time to protest before his hands gripped the back of your thighs.
In one smooth motion, he lifted you, wrapping your legs high around his waist. Your arms instinctively looped around his neck as he carried you away from the door. The movement pressed his body flush against yours, and the second your weight settled, his pants, already tugged low on his hips, slid further down.
His cock, hot and heavy, shoved straight against your soaked folds. Your panties had been dragged aside earlier and stayed that way. There was nothing between you now except bare, slick skin. The thick length of him slid right between your folds, the head nudging insistently against your entrance with every step he took. You gasped sharply at the sudden, intimate contact.
Heeseung groaned deep in his chest, the sound raw and broken. âFuckâfeel that?â he rasped, hips twitching involuntarily as he walked you across the room. Every movement made his cock drag slowly through your wetness, the head rubbing right over your swollen clit.
The friction was maddening. Skin to skin. Hot. Wet. Overwhelming. You moaned into his neck, legs tightening around him as another wave of arousal slicked between you. Heeseungâs grip on your thighs turned bruising, his breathing ragged against your ear. By the time he reached the bed, both of you were trembling. He laid you down carefully, never fully breaking contact. The moment your back hit the mattress, he followed, settling between your spread thighs. His pants were shoved just low enough. His shirt was long gone. And his cock, thick, flushed, and glistening with your arousal, rested heavy against your pussy.
Heeseung braced himself on one forearm, the other hand guiding his length. He rubbed the head slowly up and down your folds, coating himself in your wetness, teasing your clit with every pass. His eyes found yours in the dim light filtering through the window. Dark, hungry, and strangely vulnerable. You could feel him throbbing against you. Could see the tension in his jaw as he held himself back, waiting. You nodded, barely a breath. âYes.â
That was all he needed. Heeseung didnât hesitate. With one smooth, powerful thrust, he pushed inside you, burying himself to the hilt in one go. The stretch was intense, perfect, overwhelming. A broken moan tore from your throat as your walls clenched tight around his cock. Heeseung let out a low, guttural sound, forehead dropping to yours as he bottomed out, hips flush against yours.
âShitâ so tight,â he groaned, voice wrecked. âYou feel⊠fuck.â
For a few heartbeats, he stayed still, letting you adjust, letting himself feel every pulse and flutter around him. Then he started moving. Slow at first, long, deep strokes that dragged against every sensitive spot inside you. Each thrust pushed a soft cry from your lips. Heeseungâs rhythm quickly grew harder, more desperate, the wet sound of skin meeting skin filling the dark room. His mouth found yours again in a messy kiss as he fucked you deeper, hips snapping forward with increasing force. One hand slid under your ass, tilting your hips up so he could hit even deeper, grinding against your clit with every thrust.
You were lost in it, lost in him. The way he filled you. The way he moaned your name against your mouth like a prayer and a curse at the same time. The way years of tension finally shattered between you with every brutal, perfect stroke. Heeseungâs pace turned punishing, relentless, like he was trying to make up for every summer youâd spent pretending this didnât exist.
And you took every single thrust, legs wrapped tight around his waist, nails raking down his back as the pleasure built sharp and fast inside you. Heeseungâs thrusts grew erratic, deeper, harder, his hips slamming against yours with a desperation that bordered on violent. You were so close it hurt, every stroke pushing you right to the edge.
âFuckâ Iâm gonna cum,â he groaned against your mouth, voice strained and raw. âCome with me. Now.â You could only nod frantically, nails digging into his shoulders as the pressure inside you finally snapped. Your orgasm crashed over you hard, walls clenching violently around his cock as you came with a broken cry of his name. The intensity made your vision blur, thighs shaking around his waist.
Heeseung followed right after, burying himself to the hilt with one final, deep thrust. A low, guttural moan tore from his throat as he came inside you, hips stuttering, pulsing hot and deep while he rode it out, filling you with every twitch of his cock. For a long moment, the only sound in the room was your ragged breathing. He collapsed on top of you, chest heaving, sweat-slick skin pressed against yours. His face was buried in the crook of your neck, breath hot and uneven against your throat. You could feel his heart hammering wildly against your chest.
Silence. No soft kisses. No gentle words. No confessions whispered in the dark. Just heavy breathing and the slow realization of what youâd just done. After what felt like forever, Heeseung finally pulled out of you with a quiet hiss. He rolled off to the side, staring up at the ceiling, one arm thrown over his forehead. You both lay there, naked and still catching your breath. Then, quietly, âThis was a mistake.â
Your voice came out steadier than you expected. âYeah,â he answered, just as flat. Liars. Neither of you believed it. Not even for a second. But neither of you said anything more.
Morning came like regret. Too bright. Too warm. Too aware. Sunlight spilled through the curtains in long golden strips, cruel in the way only summer mornings could be, soft and beautiful and entirely uninterested in your emotional devastation. Somewhere outside, the ocean moved lazily against the shore. A gull screamed like it had a personal vendetta. Your head hurt. Not from alcohol. Worse. Memory.
Every second of last night returned in fragments the moment you opened your eyes, his mouth on yours, your back against his door, the way he had said your name like it meant trouble, the heat of it, the impossibility of pretending it hadnât happened. You stared at the ceiling for a full minute. Then another. Then sat up with the slow dread of a woman remembering she had, in fact, made every bad decision available to her.
Excellent. Fantastic. Character development. Heeseungâs room looked unfairly like him, clean without trying, expensive without showing off, sunlight falling over dark wood and linen sheets and the kind of quiet luxury that made you want to rob him on principle. He was standing by the window, already dressed. Of course he was. Dark T-shirt. Messy hair. Coffee in hand. Looking like the human embodiment of consequences. He turned when he heard you move. And for a second, neither of you said anything.
No teasing. No smugness. Just that strange stillness people had after crossing a line they couldnât uncross. You pulled the sheet tighter around yourself for dignity. It did nothing. He leaned against the window frame, studying you with an unreadable expression. âWell,â he said finally, voice rough from sleep and something else, âthis feels healthy.â
You let out one dry laugh. âAbsolutely thriving.â His mouth twitched. Dangerous. Because if he smiled right now, if either of you made this softer than it was, the whole thing would collapse into something harder to survive. You got out of bed, collecting your clothes from the floor like evidence. âThis was a mistake.â The words landed between you. Again. Too quick. Too sharp. You regretted them immediately. Something in his expression shifted, not hurt, exactly, but enough to make your chest tighten.
He set his coffee down. âWas it?â You pulled your dress on with more focus than necessary. âThat depends. Are we pretending this was a one-time lapse in judgment, or are we being honest?â He watched you for a long moment. Then, quietly, âPretending clearly hasnât worked for us so far.â
No. It hadnât. Not for years. You sat on the edge of the bed, suddenly exhausted by the weight of it. The almosts. The history. The fact that wanting him had somehow become the least surprising part of all this. Outside, the day kept moving. Waves. Sunlight. People living normal lives. Inside, it felt like standing at the edge of something. You looked at him.
âSo what now?â He crossed his arms, considering. And because the universe had a sense of humor, the answer came with the terrifying logic of two people who were entirely too good at making bad ideas sound reasonable. âWe donât do relationships.â
You snorted. âUnderstatement of the century.â âYou said it yourself. No settling down this summer. No complications.â âNo emotional disasters.â
âPreferably.â Silence. Then, you said it first. âFriends with benefits.â The words hung there. Ridiculous. Obvious. Inevitable. Heeseung looked at you like he hated how much sense it made. âVery mature.â
âExtremely.â
âProbably a terrible idea.â
âThe worst one weâve had so far.â
Another silence. Then both of you, at the same time, âOkay.â You stared at each other. And somehow, that was the funniest part. Because of course this was how it happened. Not with romance. Not with confessions. With negotiations. You stood, stepping closer now, the air between you still carrying the remains of last night. âFine,â you said. âBut if weâre doing this, there are rules.â
His brow lifted. âOf course there are.â
âObviously. Iâm not running an emotional free-for-all.â He leaned back against the desk, arms crossed, watching you like he already knew this would be entertaining. âGo on, then.â
You started counting on your fingers. âNo dates.â âAgreed.â
âNo jealousy.â A pause. Small. Noticeable. Then: âAgreed.â
You narrowed your eyes but kept going. âNo emotional attachment.â âThat sounds healthy.â âIt sounds necessary.â He nodded once. âFine.â
âNo sleepovers.â His expression shifted slightly. You ignored it. âNo public affection. Iâm not becoming beach gossip.â
âSunoo will be devastated.â âHe survives on disappointment.â
A ghost of a smile. You continued. âNo calling unless itâs late.â
âThat sounds suspiciously specific.â
âIt sounds like boundaries.â
âAnd?â
You took a breath. The final one. The one that mattered. âThis ends with summer.â That one stayed in the room longer. Because suddenly it wasnât just about tonight or last night or whatever this was becoming. It was a deadline. An expiration date. A promise to keep it temporary. Necessary. Smart. A lie, probably. But necessary. Heeseung looked at you for a long moment before nodding once. âEnds with summer.â
You hated how that felt. Still, you extended your hand like a business deal, because if you were going to ruin your life, professionalism mattered. âDeal?â He looked down at your hand. Then back at you. Slowly, he took it. Warm. Steady. His fingers closed around yours and something about it felt far less casual than either of you intended. âDeal.â
Too intimate. Too dangerous. You pulled your hand back first. Because someone had to be responsible here, and apparently it was going to be you. You grabbed your bag from the chair and moved toward the door before common sense could return and save either of you. At the threshold, you paused. Didnât turn around. âJust so weâre clear,â you said, hand on the door, âif this ruins my life, Iâm blaming you.â
Behind you, his voice came low and familiar again. âIf this ruins your life, itâll be because you let it.â You smiled despite yourself. Didnât let him see it. Then opened the door. And walked out into the sunlight like a woman with a plan. Very mature. Very stupid. Exactly the kind of thing summer was made for. It started quietly, almost politely. As if whatever existed between you and Heeseung had agreed to disguise itself as something manageable.
A bad decision with boundaries. A summer arrangement. A temporary indulgence. Nothing more. That was the lie you told yourself the first time he texted you after midnight and you slipped out of your house barefoot, cardigan thrown over bare shoulders, the path between your homes lit only by moonlight and terrible judgment.
That was the lie you told yourself when he opened the back door before you even knocked, like he had been waiting there, like he knew the exact second your resolve would break. That was the lie you told yourself when his hands found your waist before either of you said hello. This is fine. It was not fine. At first, it felt almost easy.
There was a thrill to it, sharp and bright and addictive in the way summer secrets always were. The private satisfaction of sitting through family dinners knowing exactly how his mouth had looked against your skin the night before. The way his knee brushed yours under the table and neither of you reacted, though both of you remembered. It lived in stolen things. In late-night visits when the whole neighborhood had gone quiet, and the only sound was the ocean somewhere beyond the trees and your own heartbeat betraying you on the walk next door.
In the pool house one humid Thursday afternoon, when everyone else had gone sailing and the house sat warm and empty under the sun. Chlorine in the air, sunlight breaking over the water in fractured gold, your bikini still damp against your skin while Heeseung stood too close and said your name like it meant trouble. His hand sliding underneath the strap to touch you then quietly adjusting it back into place as if he hadnât branded your entire neck in marks.
In parties where you crossed crowded rooms without touching, where his hand at the small of your back lasted only a second but ruined the rest of your night. Where youâd disappear separately and meet somewhere quieter, on balconies, behind the marina, near the dunes where the music couldnât quite reach and the summer air felt heavier.
Every moment carried that same dangerous illusion: that because no one knew, it somehow meant nothing. You learned each other in fragments. The sound of his laugh when it was real, not performed for a room full of people. The way he got quieter when he was tired. How he always reached for your wrist first, like stopping you there somehow felt more honest than pretending he wasnât pulling you closer.
How you started recognizing the sound of his car before it even turned into the driveway. You hated that one. Because it meant anticipation. And anticipation implied care. Care was not part of the agreement. So you became very good at pretending. You rolled your eyes when Sunoo accused you of being suspiciously unavailable lately. You blamed âfamily obligationsâ when Eunchae asked why you kept vanishing halfway through parties.
You told your mother you were staying in because the heat was unbearable, and then spent the entire afternoon in Heeseungâs room with the windows open, listening to the sea and trying not to think too hard about the intimacy of daylight. That was the dangerous part. Not the sneaking around. Not the kissing. Not even the wanting. Daylight. Because night made everything easier to dismiss. Midnight had always been built for mistakes. But sunlight was honest. It stripped things down. Left no shadows to hide inside.
And lately, you were both finding reasons to stay. A cancelled beach day because it was âtoo hot.â Skipping a yacht party because neither of you were âin the mood.â Sunday brunch abandoned halfway through because one look across the table had made patience impossible. Your parents thought you were finally becoming mature. Choosing rest. Prioritizing peace. If only they knew. On Tuesday, your mother found you in the kitchen at noon, wearing one of Heeseungâs old shirts thrown hastily over your swimsuit because you had forgotten your own cover-up and panic had terrible fashion sense.
She looked at you. Looked at the shirt. Looked back at you. And simply said, âInteresting.â You nearly died on the spot. âLaundry accident,â you replied immediately.
She sipped her iced tea. âOf course.â You fled before she could smile. It was becoming ridiculous. The kind of ridiculous that should have frightened you more than it did. Because somewhere between the late-night texts and the locked doors and the way he said your name when no one else was around, the rules had started feeling less like boundaries and more like decorations.
No sleepovers, and yet you had woken up in his bed twice this week. No emotional attachment, and yet you knew when he was in a bad mood before he said a word. No jealousy, and yet when a girl from the marina laughed too long at something he said, your entire evening soured without permission. This is fine. It was not fine. And the worst part was how natural it all felt. Like maybe this had been waiting for years. Like every summer before this had only been rehearsal.
One evening, stretched beside him on the pool house couch while golden light slipped slowly across the floorboards, you listened to the distant sounds of your families having dinner on separate patios, laughter drifting across the hedges, glasses clinking, the whole world carrying on politely while the two of you existed here in the quiet center of your own disaster. His hand rested lazily over your waist. Your head against his shoulder. Too comfortable.
Far too comfortable. You should have left an hour ago. Instead, you stayed. Because leaving meant acknowledging it. Because staying meant pretending this was still simple. You traced absent patterns against his arm and stared at the ceiling fan turning slowly overhead. Summer had always felt like this, beautiful enough to make bad ideas look romantic. Temporary enough to make them feel safe. You told yourself that was all this was.
A season. A secret. Something that would end when the weather changed. But even then, with the evening light soft around you and his heartbeat steady beneath your cheek, some quieter part of you already knew the truth. This was never going to end cleanly. But the thought vanished as quickly as it came when you felt his hand sliding between your legs. Later, neither of you said much.
The room was quiet in that intimate, ruined way it only became after too much honesty, sheets tangled at your legs, the windows cracked open to let in the salt-heavy night air, the ceiling fan turning lazily overhead like time had slowed just for this. Outside, summer kept moving. Waves somewhere beyond the trees. A car passing faintly down the road. Someone laughing in the distance, far enough away to belong to another world entirely.
Here, everything felt still. You lay on your back staring at the ceiling, your body heavy with exhaustion, skin still warm, his sheets twisted around your legs like evidence. Your hair was a mess. Your thoughts were worse. This had become dangerous. Not because of the sex. That part had been inevitable the second either of you admitted wanting it. No, the dangerous part was afterward. This. The silence that didnât feel awkward. The way neither of you rushed to leave. The softness that slipped in when no one was paying attention.
You hated softness. Softness made people stupid. Beside you, Heeseung was quieter than usual, one arm thrown behind his head, the other resting across his stomach, his breathing finally even after the storm of the last hour. In the low light, he looked younger somehow. Less polished. Less like the version of him the rest of the world got.
Just him. That was somehow worse. You turned your head slightly, watching him. His eyes were closed. For once, he wasnât performing anything. No teasing, no arrogance, no carefully placed smirk like armor. Just tired. Real. You wondered if he knew how dangerous that was too. As if sensing it, he spoke without opening his eyes. âIf youâre staring because youâve finally admitted Iâm right about everything, Iâd like it formally documented.â
Your mouth twitched despite yourself. âI was actually wondering how someone can be this annoying while unconscious.â He opened one eye. âTalent.â
âCurse.â
âChemistry.â You rolled your eyes and turned back to the ceiling, but the smile betrayed you anyway. Silence returned. Softer this time. The kind that settled around people who had stopped trying so hard to fill it. You should leave. That thought came and went three separate times. You should absolutely get up, find your dress, reclaim your dignity, and walk back to your own house like a woman with standards and emotional boundaries.
Instead, you stayed exactly where you were. Because moving felt like too much effort. Because his room was warm and the ocean breeze through the window made everything drowsy. Because your body had given up on principles sometime around midnight. Because leaving would make this feel real. And staying let you pretend it was still just summer.
Your eyes grew heavier. The last thing you really registered was the lamp on his bedside table casting soft amber light across the room, and the faint smell of salt and clean linen and him. Then sleep came quietly. No dramatic realization. No final declaration. Just exhaustion winning where common sense had failed. Sometime later, minutes, maybe an hour, you felt movement.
Half-asleep, caught somewhere between dreaming and waking, you registered the mattress shifting, the lamp clicking off, the room falling deeper into darkness. Then warmth. A blanket pulled over you. Careful. Quiet. His hand brushing lightly against your shoulder for just a second longer than necessary.
You should have opened your eyes. Should have made a joke. Broken the moment before it could become one. You didnât. You stayed still, breathing slow, pretending sleep because somehow that felt safer than acknowledging tenderness. In the dark, his voice came low and almost amused. âRule number four,â he murmured.
No sleepovers. You felt him settle beside you. The mattress dipped. The silence deepened. And then, after a beat, âTerrible at following instructions.â You smiled into the pillow where he couldnât see it. Outside, the ocean moved patiently against the shore, summer stretching endlessly into the night. And there, in Lee Heeseungâs bed, beneath his sheets and your own very bad decisions, you fell asleep. Oops.Â
Something shifted after the sleepover. Not dramatically. No confessions, no declarations, no grand cinematic moment where either of you admitted the obvious and ruined everything properly. Worse. It changed quietly. In the spaces between things. And somehow, that made it far more dangerous. Because sex was easy to dismiss. Sex could be blamed on summer, on heat, on proximity, on years of unresolved tension finally finding somewhere to go. Sex was physical. Temporary. Conveniently stupid.
But softness, softness was treason. It started with coffee. You were standing in his kitchen one morning, barefoot, wearing one of his hoodies because your own clothes were somewhere upstairs and dignity had long since packed its bags. The house was still half-asleep, sunlight slipping pale and warm through the windows, the kind of slow summer morning that made everything feel deceptively gentle.
You were reaching for the coffee tin when he slid a mug across the counter toward you without looking. Iced. Too much milk. One sugar. Exactly right. You stared at it. Then at him. He was leaning against the opposite counter, scrolling through something on his phone with the dangerous calm of a man who had no idea heâd just committed emotional violence. âYou remembered.â
He looked up. At the mug. At you. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. âYou complain about bad coffee like itâs a moral issue.â You narrowed your eyes. âIt is a moral issue.â He smiled into his own cup. That was the problem. Not remembering. How natural it felt. As if of course he knew. As if of course you noticed. As if this was normal. It wasnât. Nothing about this was normal. And yet the days kept folding around it anyway.
He started bringing you food without asking. Not in some dramatic, romantic gesture way. Nothing obvious enough to name. Just showing up at the beach with the exact sandwich you liked because he âhappened to be near the deli.â Leaving fries on the passenger seat when he picked you up because youâd skipped lunch and he could always tell when you did. A bottle of water handed to you silently after too much sun and too much pretending at some yacht party, his hand brushing yours for only a second before he walked away.
Little things. The kind people noticed. The kind people definitely noticed. By the second week of July, your friends had reached collective suspicion. It happened on a Wednesday afternoon at the beach club, where everyone had collapsed under umbrellas with overpriced drinks and varying levels of sunburn. Sunoo was the first to say it, because of course he was. He lowered his sunglasses dramatically and pointed between you and Heeseung like a detective solving a murder. âYou two are weird.â
You didnât even look up from your book. âThat is the least shocking thing anyone has ever said.â
âNo,â Yunjin cut in, leaning forward, âlike weird weird. Youâre not fighting.â
That got your attention. You looked up. Across from you, Heeseung was stretched lazily in a chair, sunglasses on, looking entirely too comfortable for someone under investigation.
Yoonchae nodded. âItâs unsettling. I miss the hostility. It was romantic.â Jay, who treated gossip like a legal proceeding, added, âThe last thing you said to him that even resembled an insult was, and I quoteââ He lifted a hand, reciting with criminal accuracy: âDonât stay in the ocean too long, your wig might fall off.â Silence. You blinked.
Sunghoon, traitor, added quietly, âThat wasnât even an insult. That was concern wrapped in a taunt.â You hated all of them.
âIt was a warning,â you said.
âBecause you care,â Sunoo sang.
âBecause baldness is a public issue.â Across the table, Heeseung laughed. Actually laughed. Low and easy and far too pleased with himself. And you, idiot that you were, smiled back before you could stop it. The entire group gasped like Victorian women witnessing an exposed ankle. Eunchae clutched her chest. âOh my god. Theyâre smiling at each other. Weâve lost them.â
You buried your face in your drink. This was unbearable. But the truth sat heavier than embarrassment. Because they were right. You werenât fighting anymore. Not really. The sharpness had softened at the edges, and in its place had come something quieter. More dangerous.
You knew when he was lying. It was always in his shoulders first, too relaxed, too deliberate. Like if he made himself look calm enough, no one would notice. And he knew when you were upset before you said a word. Sometimes before you did. Like the night you came back from dinner with your parents, frustrated and restless and not wanting to explain why, only to find him sitting on the hood of his car outside your house.
He took one look at you and said, simply, âWhat happened?â No performance. No jokes. Just knowing. You sat beside him without answering, and he handed you fries in silence. That was worse than comfort. That was intimacy. And intimacy was not part of the agreement. Neither was the fact that you kept ending up in his clothes.
His hoodie mostly. Dark gray, too big, sleeves falling over your hands, smelling faintly like him and expensive detergent and whatever impossible thing made you feel too warm when you wore it home at sunrise. The first time, youâd told yourself it was practical. The second time, convenient. By the fifth, even you had stopped pretending. One evening, walking back from his house with that hoodie wrapped around you and the sun barely rising over the water, you caught your reflection in a neighborâs window and had the deeply humiliating realization that you looked happy.
Not smug. Not victorious. Happy. You nearly turned around and walked directly into the sea. And then there was jealousy. The rule neither of you talked about because talking about it would make it real. No jealousy. Very simple. A lie, obviously. It surfaced one night at another party on Jayâs yacht. Some guy, tall, forgettable, rich in the boring way, spent too long talking to you by the bar. Leaning in too close. Laughing too easily.
You were polite. Mostly. But from across the room, you felt it before you saw it. Heeseung, watching. Still. Cold. Not dramatic, that wouldâve been easier, just quiet. His expression shuttered in that way he did when he was trying very hard not to let something show, and suddenly the rest of the night tasted wrong. Later, when you found him outside near the dock, the air heavy with salt and dark water below, you said it before you could stop yourself.
âYouâre being weird.â He leaned against the railing, gaze on the ocean. âIâm always weird.â
âNot like this.â
A long pause, the air thick with unspoken tension. Then, âNothingâs wrong.â You laughed softly. There it was, the lie. You stepped closer, âYou know I can tell when youâre lying, right?â
Finally, he looked at you. Moonlight catching the edges of him. That familiar unreadable expression. âNo,â he said. âYou just like thinking you can.â You folded your arms. âAnd you like pretending Iâm wrong.â
His jaw shifted. A tell. You noticed. Of course you noticed. For a second, it almost cracked. Whatever this was. Whatever sat under all the rules and pretending and carefully chosen silence. But then he straightened. Looked away. And the wall went back up. âIt means nothing,â he said. The words landed heavier than they should have. Because both of you knew he wasnât talking about the guy. He was talking about all of it. This. You. Him.
The arrangement. The softness. The way neither of you were following your own rules anymore. Nothing. You stared at him for a long moment, the ocean loud in the silence between you. Then you nodded once. âRight.â A lie, both his and yours, both of you standing there in the warm dark of summer, pretending not to bleed where it hurt.
It means nothing, and somehow, that hurt worse than if heâd said everything, the silence between you lingered for a second too long. Warm night air moved around you, carrying the salt of the ocean and the distant hum of music from the party still going on behind the marina. The dock swayed faintly beneath your feet, water dark and endless below, moonlight breaking silver across the surface.
You stood there with his words still sitting heavy in your chest. It means nothing. Such a simple sentence. Such a stupid, transparent lie, but you hated that it hurt. More than that, you hated that he knew it hurt. That somewhere beneath all the arrogance and all the careful pretending, he knew exactly where to place the knife. And still, somehow, neither of you left. Because leaving would mean ending the conversation. Because staying meant there was still something unfinished here.
You folded your arms tighter, more for protection than attitude. âRight,â you said again, quieter this time. Heeseung looked at you like he wanted to say something else, something better, or worse. You could see it in the hesitation. In the way his mouth opened slightly, then closed again. In the tension sitting sharp in his shoulders, like even he was tired of performing indifference.
But he didnât, of course he didnât. Instead, after a long moment, he stepped closer. Not enough to be dramatic. Just enough to be familiar. And maybe that was the problem. The familiarity of it. The way your body recognized him before your mind had time to argue. His hand brushed your arm lightly. A thoughtless gesture. Comforting. Soft. Dangerous. You should have stepped back. Instead, you stayed still.
And then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, like his body had made the decision before his brain could stop it, he leaned down and pressed a quick, absent kiss to your forehead. Gentle. Careless. Tender. The kind of kiss that belonged to something entirely different than whatever this was supposed to be. And the second it happened, you both froze. Completely, the world stopped, the ocean, the music, your heartbeat, everything. Because that, that was not in the rules. Not even close. No public affection. No emotional attachment. No softness.
And forehead kisses? Forehead kisses were practically emotional terrorism. You stared at him. He stared at you. His hand was still lightly on your arm. Your lips parted, but no sound came out because honestly, what exactly was the appropriate response to being emotionally assassinated on a dock? Apparently, the answer was, a dramatic choking noise.
You both turned. Too late. Because standing ten feet away, carrying drinks and what looked like the absolute time of their lives, were your friends. All of them. Sunoo. Sunghoon. Jay. Eunchae. Yunjin. Yoonchae. Witnesses. To your death. For one beat, nobody moved. Then Yunjin made a sound like a Victorian woman seeing a manâs ankle and clutched her chest.
âNo,â she whispered. Then louder, âNo. No, I refuse.â
And with all the theatrical commitment of a woman born for performance, she dramatically dropped backward onto Eunchae. âIâve fainted,â she announced to the night. âIâm dead. Tell my family I died right.â Eunchae, instead of helping, was already doubled over laughing. Actually laughing. Tears in her eyes. Full-body betrayal. Jay turned away entirely, hand over his mouth like he was trying and failing to remain dignified. Sunghoon stood there in complete silence, which for him was basically screaming.
Sunoo looked like he had ascended to another spiritual plane. And Yoonchae, traitor, elegant, terrifying, just slowly raised one eyebrow and said, âWell.â You wanted the dock to collapse. Immediately. Preferably with you on it. Beside you, Heeseung cleared his throat with the deeply haunted expression of a man realizing public humiliation was hereditary.
âIt was nothing.â Silence. Then six people spoke at once. âNothing?â Sunoo repeated, scandalized. âYou kissed her forehead!â Eunchae shouted.
âThatâs husband behavior,â Yunjin yelled from her fake death position. Jay pointed accusingly. âThat is not casual. Casual men do not forehead kiss.â
Sunghoon, finally contributing, said simply, âThat was intimate.â Which, somehow, was worse. You covered your face with both hands. This was how legends ended. Not with dignity. Not with grace. But with your friends conducting a public trial over a forehead kiss. Heeseung rubbed the back of his neck, visibly regretting every life choice that had led him here. âIt was automatic.â
âA Freudian slip,â Sunoo said immediately.
âA cry for help,â Yunjin added.
âA confession,â Eunchae gasped.
âA legal declaration,â Jay said.
âA marriage proposal,â Yoonchae finished.
You made a strangled noise. âPlease stop talking.â
âNo,â everyone replied. Across the chaos, you finally looked at Heeseung. Really looked. And annoyingly, he looked just as wrecked as you felt. His composure cracked at the edges. His usual confidence gone. His ears, very slightly, red. Interesting. Very interesting. For one brief second, despite the humiliation, despite the six idiots currently planning your wedding in real time, you almost smiled. Because he was embarrassed. Actually embarrassed. And somehow, that made the whole thing worse. Or better. Definitely worse.
He looked back at you. Something unspoken passing there. Something quiet and dangerous. Then, because the universe refused to let either of you have peace, Sunoo threw an arm dramatically into the air and declared to the ocean, âTHEYâRE IN LOVE AND THEYâRE MAKING IT EVERYONEâS PROBLEM.â You and Heeseung, at the exact same time: âShut up, Sunoo.â Which only made everyone laugh harder.Â
â
The yacht looked like something built for people who had never been told no. White and gleaming and impossibly large, anchored just far enough from shore to feel exclusive, close enough for everyone to pretend it was casual. Music spilled across the water in low, expensive waves. Champagne sweated in silver buckets. Someone was laughing too loudly near the upper deck, and somewhere below, the ocean moved dark and patient against the hull, like it had seen this all before. Summer in Jeju Island had always been performative, but yacht parties were theater. Everyone arrived looking like they had something to prove. Girls in silk and gold, boys in linen and old money and inherited arrogance. Sunglasses even after sunset. Bare shoulders catching the last of the light. Beautiful people pretending they werenât waiting for someone specific to notice them.
You hated how much you fit into it. Tonight, the dress was white. Soft and dangerous. The kind of dress that looked innocent until someone stood too close. Thin straps, bare back, fabric skimming your skin like seawater. Your hair loose from the salt air, gold at your throat, your mouth glossed and unhelpful. You looked like a mistake dressed as a good idea. Maybe that was the point. By the time you stepped onto the deck, the sun was already beginning to sink, everything dipped in amber, the ocean turning molten and gold around you. The air smelled like sunscreen, champagne, and money.
Sunoo spotted you first, of course. He stood near the bar, already three drinks deep into being everyoneâs problem, and his eyes widened slowly as you approached. âOh,â he said softly, like someone witnessing divine intervention. âSomeone is about to ruin a life.â You took the champagne he handed you. âOnly one? Iâm aiming higher.â
He smiled, but it faded quickly when his gaze shifted past your shoulder. There. At the far end of the deck. Heeseung. Talking to Jay, drink in hand, sleeves rolled, dark shirt open at the throat in that infuriating way he never seemed aware of. The wind moved through his hair. The sunset caught against the sharp line of his profile. And then he looked up. Found you. Paused. There was always that moment. That small, suspended second where everything else fell away and it was just this, the recognition, the tension, the memory of every version of yourselves that had led here. His gaze moved slowly.
Not rushed. Not subtle. Like being touched without contact. And even from across the deck, you felt it. Something in your chest pulling too tight. It would have been easier if he looked away first. He didnât. Neither did you. Until Yunjin bumped your shoulder lightly and saved you from your own poor decisions. âDonât do that,â she murmured. You blinked. âDo what?â She took a sip of her drink, watching the sunset like she wasnât dismantling your life. âLook at him like that. It makes the rest of us feel like unwilling participants.â
You laughed, but it sounded thinner than you meant it to. Because tonight, something already felt wrong. Not wrong. Fragile. Like standing barefoot on glass and pretending it was only sand. Maybe it was the accumulated weight of it. The weeks of pretending. The rules bent past recognition. The softness neither of you spoke about. The forehead kiss that still sat in your chest like a bruise. Or maybe it was simpler than that. Maybe you were tired. Tired of pretending this was casual. Tired of pretending you didnât care. Tired of him saying it meant nothing when it had started to feel like everything.
So tonight, you decided to be reckless. Not because you wanted someone else. Because you wanted him to react. Which, in hindsight, was the kind of decision people wrote warnings about. Minjae found you first. Again. Pretty enough. Easy enough. Familiar enough to be useful. He leaned against the rail beside you while the yacht drifted slow under the dying sun, talking about some party in Seoul, some mutual friend, something forgettable. His hand brushed your arm when he laughed.
The way his shoulders went too rigid. The way his mouth flattened when he was holding something back. The way he stopped pretending to enjoy the party. You kept flirting. Because cruelty, apparently, was a love language. By the time the sky had gone violet and the city lights glittered faintly across the water, the tension had become its own living thing. Heavy.
Everyone noticed. Sunoo kept looking between you and Heeseung like he was watching a live sports event. Eunchae physically winced every time Minjae touched your arm. Jay had the expression of a man reviewing poor investment choices. And Heeseung, he stopped speaking entirely. You should have stopped. You didnât. Because part of you wanted him angry. Wanted proof. Wanted something undeniable.
You found it when you excused yourself to the lower deck for air. The music faded there, softer beneath the sound of the water. The yacht rocked gently beneath your feet. Moonlight stretched silver over the sea, and the world felt quieter, suspended between one decision and the next. You barely had time to breathe before he was there.
âSeriously?â His voice behind you was low. Controlled. Too controlled. You turned slowly. He stood in the narrow corridor of moonlight and shadow, jaw tight, eyes dark enough to make the night feel thinner around you. There it was. Finally. You leaned back against the railing, crossing your arms like your pulse wasnât trying to leave your body. âAre we opening with accusations? Very romantic.â His laugh was short. Humorless. âYouâre unbelievable.â
âAnd youâre late. I thought jealousy would get you here faster.â That landed. You saw it. The flicker in his expression. The anger sharpened by something much worse. He stepped closer. âYou think this is funny?â
âNo,â you said quietly. âI think you donât get to care.â The ocean moved below you. Dark and endless. He stopped. For one second, the entire world seemed to hold its breath. âAnd why not?â The question came softer than you expected. Not angry, not sharp, honest, and that was worse, because there was an answer. A real one. Because caring meant naming this. Because naming this meant breaking it. Because if he said it first, if either of you said it first, there would be no way back to pretending.
You looked at him and saw all of it at once, the boy you had spent every summer fighting, the man standing in front of you now, the terrible inevitability of wanting someone you were never supposed to want this much. Your throat felt tight. âBecause,â you said, and even your own voice sounded unfamiliar, âyou were the one who said it meant nothing.â Something in him shifted. Like regret. Like anger turned inward. He moved closer again, and this time you didnât step back. There was nowhere to go.
Moonlight on the water. Champagne still bitter on your tongue. His hand braced against the railing beside you, trapping you there without touching. His voice dropped, rough around the edges. âAnd you believed me?â Your heart stuttered. Because no. No, you hadnât. That had been the problem. You had heard the lie and let him keep it because the truth was too dangerous.
You looked up at him, and the space between you felt like standing in the ocean during a storm, like drowning and floating and drowning and floating, never knowing which one would win. âTell me Iâm wrong,â you whispered.
He stared at you like he was trying to decide whether honesty would ruin him. Maybe it would. Maybe it already had. His hand lifted, slow enough to stop, brushing a strand of hair from your face with a tenderness that felt far too intimate for a yacht full of people and all the lies between you. His mouth was only inches from yours. And when he spoke, it was barely sound at all. âI think,â he said, âI stopped being careful with you a long time ago.â
Not quite a confession. Worse. Because it was true. And truth, between the two of you, had always been the most dangerous thing of all. He stood there for one suspended second after saying it, like even he was startled by the sound of his own honesty. The yacht rocked gently beneath you, the ocean below black and endless, moonlight breaking itself into silver shards across the water. Somewhere above, the music still played, muffled now, distant, belonging to another life entirely. Laughter drifted from the upper deck like something from far away, from people who had not just stepped to the edge of something irreversible.
You could still feel the words between you. I stopped being careful with you a long time ago. It settled into your chest like saltwater, slow, stinging, impossible to separate from your own blood. For weeks, maybe years, the two of you had been circling this. Pretending desire was just annoyance sharpened into habit. Pretending every almost was accidental. Pretending the way he looked at you meant less than it did. And now here it was. Not clean. Not graceful. Just true. You should have said something. Something intelligent. Something devastating. Something that would let you keep whatever remained of your pride. Instead, your body betrayed you first.
Your hand found the front of his shirt, fingers curling into the fabric like instinct, like gravity. You didnât even realize youâd done it until he looked down at your hand and something dark and quiet moved across his face. His restraint snapped so softly you almost missed it. Then he took your wrist. And before you could think, before either of you could retreat back into irony and self-preservation, he pulled you with him. Up the narrow staircase. Past the low spill of music and careless laughter. Through the blur of warm bodies and champagne and summer pretending to be harmless.
You barely registered the startled glance Sunoo gave you as Heeseung walked past him without a word, your hand still in his like a confession neither of you were ready to speak aloud. The hallway inside the yacht was cooler, quieter. White walls. Dim lights. The hum of the engine beneath your feet. Somewhere, a door shut. Somewhere else, the sea kept breathing against the hull.
He kept walking. You followed because there was no version of this where you didnât. Because at some point, resisting him had become another kind of surrender. At the end of the corridor, he stopped. A private deck. Smaller. Hidden from the party. Open to the night. Only the ocean. Only the moon. Only the two of you and everything you were pretending not to destroy.
The door shut behind you with a soft click. Silence. He turned. For a moment, neither of you moved. The wind came off the water cool against your overheated skin, lifting your hair, carrying salt into the space between you. You could hear your own breathing. His too. He looked at you like a man standing too close to fire and knowing he was about to step in anyway.
And suddenly, it felt like standing at the edge of land. Like the last piece of solid ground beneath your feet. Like one more step would mean surrendering to something larger than either of you, something tidal and reckless and impossible to survive unchanged. You crossed that distance first. Or maybe he did. Later, you wouldnât know. Only that one second there was space, and the next there was none. His mouth found yours like gravity.
Not gentle. Not hesitant. Like being pulled under. The kiss hit you like cold water and summer lightning, sharp, immediate, consuming. Every part of you lit at once, every defense dissolving so quickly it felt humiliating. His hands were at your waist, your neck, your jaw, like he couldnât decide where to hold you, only that he needed to. You kissed him back like drowning. Like if you let go, youâd wash out to sea. His mouth tasted like champagne and salt and every bad decision youâd ever wanted to make. It was anger and relief and hunger all tangled together, all the years between you collapsing into something hot and breathless and overdue.
The world tilted. Or maybe it was just the boat. Or maybe it was him. You had the absurd thought that this was what slipping away from land felt like, that moment your feet stopped touching the ocean floor and suddenly there was nothing holding you up but instinct and want. Floating. Falling. The same thing, sometimes. His hands slid to your back, pulling you closer, and the sound that left him against your mouth was low, wrecked, like even he was surprised by the force of this.
You understood. Because kissing Heeseung felt like melting. Like sun-warmed skin slipping beneath water. Like losing the shape of yourself. Like becoming something softer, stranger, more dangerous. He kissed you like he was angry at how much he wanted to. You kissed him like you were tired of pretending you didnât. And somewhere in the middle of it, all your carefully built walls, your rules, your boundaries, your clever little exits, went under like they had never been there at all.
His forehead rested against yours for one brief second, both of you breathing like youâd been running, like maybe you had. His thumb brushed your cheek. A tenderness so small it almost hurt more than the kiss. When he spoke, his voice was rough enough to sound like truth. âYou make this impossible.â You smiled, breathless, your lips still close enough to steal.
âSo do you.â Then his mouth was on yours again, and whatever was left of reason disappeared with the tide.
â
The rain started sometime after midnight. By morning, Jeju Island had turned silver. The sky hung low and heavy over the coastline, clouds blurring the horizon until the ocean and the storm became one endless sheet of grey-blue. Rain slid steadily down the windows in soft crooked lines, tapping against rooftops and palm leaves and the quiet little streets of the neighborhood with the kind of patience only summer storms possessed.
Everything felt slower in the rain. Softer. The beach emptied. Yacht plans were cancelled. The marina sat abandoned except for boats rocking gently against their docks like sleeping animals. For the first time all summer, the town stopped performing. And somehow, that felt dangerous too. You woke late to the sound of thunder somewhere far away, curled beneath your sheets with damp air drifting through the cracked window. Your phone rested beside your pillow, screen lighting softly against the grey room.
A text.
powerâs out at our house.
Then, a second later:
mom says yours still has electricity
And finally:
tragic. devastating. iâll survive somehow.
You stared at the screen for a moment longer than necessary. Then sighed. Because despite everything, despite all your promises to yourself about boundaries and self-preservation and not becoming the kind of girl who let boys ruin her summer, you were already smiling. An hour later, Heeseung arrived at your front door soaked from the rain.
Not drenched dramatically. Just enough that dark strands of hair clung messily to his forehead, rainwater catching along the line of his jaw and disappearing beneath the collar of his sweatshirt. The storm had turned the whole world softer around the edges, and standing there beneath the muted grey sky, he looked less like the polished golden boy everyone knew and more like something real. Your mother let him in with entirely too much enthusiasm. âOh good,â she said brightly, already walking back toward the kitchen. âNow you can both stop pretending you donât miss each other.â
âMom,â you warned. Heeseung coughed into his sleeve to hide a smile. Rain followed him inside in traces, the smell of wet pavement and ocean wind clinging faintly to him as he stepped into the warmth of the house. For a moment, neither of you moved. No parties. No music. No late-night tension sharp enough to cut through.
Just quiet. The kind that made you suddenly aware of ordinary things. The soft ticking of rain against the windows. The oversized sweatshirt hanging off his shoulders. The fact that he looked at home here. That realization unsettled you more than it should have. The day unfolded slowly after that. Not exciting. Not dramatic. And maybe that was why it mattered.
You spent most of the afternoon in the living room while the storm darkened outside, half-watching terrible movies neither of you cared about. Your legs stretched across the couch beneath a blanket, his shoulder brushing yours every so often in that absent, thoughtless way intimacy sometimes arrived. At some point, your mother disappeared upstairs with a suspicious smile and the kind of timing that deserved investigation.
The rain deepened. Hours passed unnoticed. You learned strange things about each other in the quiet. Not the big things. Not the carefully curated versions people offered at parties. Small things. Real things. Heeseung hated peaches because he got sick eating too many as a kid one summer. You used to fake injuries during tennis lessons because you hated losing more than you liked sports.
He still remembered the time you punched a boy at thirteen for making Eunchae cry near the marina. âYou broke his nose,â he recalled from the kitchen doorway, coffee mug in hand.
âHe deserved worse.â âYou were terrifying.â âI still am.â A smile touched his mouth then. Soft. Unthinking. Rainlight filled the room pale and blue around him, and suddenly the years between childhood and now felt strangely thin. Like maybe you had always been circling each other. Like maybe every version of yourselves had led here eventually. Later, thunder rolled low across the coastline while you sat cross-legged on the floor beside the couch, flipping through an old photo album your mother had abandoned on the shelf years ago.Â
Bad idea. There were photographs everywhere. Sunburnt summers. Beach days. Bonfires. All of you impossibly young. You paused on one picture, eight years old, missing front teeth, shoving Heeseung into the sand while he laughed hard enough to blur in the frame. Your chest tightened unexpectedly. âWe look awful.â
âWe look happy,â he corrected quietly. The room fell still after that. Outside, rainwater slid endlessly down the glass. Inside, something shifted. Not loudly, just enough to feel it. He sat down beside you on the floor, close enough that warmth gathered between you naturally. The photo album rested forgotten between your knees. And for the first time since this began, it didnât feel like war. No tension sharpened into cruelty. No sarcasm waiting like a weapon.
Just this strange, aching softness neither of you knew how to hold. You turned another page slowly. Another photograph. Older this time. Sixteen, maybe seventeen. A summer party. You standing near the water laughing at something outside the frame while Heeseung looked at you instead. Not the camera. You. Your breath caught slightly. âYou kept this?â He glanced down at the picture. Then away. Your pulse stumbled. âWhy are you looking at me like that?â
His jaw shifted faintly. For a second, you thought he might dodge the question. Turn it into a joke. Deflect the way he always did whenever things came too close to honesty. Instead, his voice came quieter than you expected. âI think,â he said slowly, âIâve spent a long time trying not to.â
The rain outside seemed to hush around the words. You looked at him carefully. Something vulnerable flickered there beneath all the practiced ease. Something raw enough to make your own chest ache in response. And suddenly you understood something terrifying, this was no longer just desire. Desire was simpler.
This, whatever this was becoming, had roots. Deep ones. You looked back down at the photograph because meeting his eyes felt too dangerous. âI used to hate summers here,â you admitted softly. The confession surprised even you. He looked at you then. âWhy?â You traced your thumb along the edge of the page.
âBecause everything always ended.â The words settled heavily between you, summer romances, bonfires, fireworks, warm nights, every beautiful thing in Jeju Island came with an expiration date stitched into it from the beginning, and suddenly, without meaning to, you had said something true. Something too true. You felt him shift closer beside you. Not touching. Almost worse.
For one suspended moment, it felt like standing at the edge of another confession, like both of you could ruin yourselves completely if you kept talking, so neither of you did. Cowards.
By evening, the storm had softened into a quiet drizzle. The whole house glowed warm against the rain-dark world outside, lamps casting amber light across the living room while distant thunder faded somewhere beyond the ocean. Youâd lost track of time entirely. Dinner had happened somewhere in between conversation and silence and accidental touches that lasted too long. And now he stood near the front door pulling his sweatshirt back on while you lingered barefoot by the hallway, neither of you acknowledging how reluctant this felt. The rain tapped softly against the windows.
He looked tired. You probably did too. For one dangerous second, you almost asked him to stay. You could feel the question there, hovering at the back of your throat. Stay, not because of sex, not because of loneliness. Just, stay, and somehow that made it infinitely more frightening, across from you, he hesitated too, his hand resting on the doorknob, eyes on yours. Like he almost wanted to ask, but neither of you moved.
Because asking would mean admitting this had already crossed into something neither of you knew how to survive. So instead, he opened the door. Cool rain air slipped inside. âIâll see you tomorrow,â he said quietly. Not later. Tomorrow. Something about that felt dangerously permanent. You nodded once.
âYeah.â He left. And somehow the house felt emptier after. You stood there for a long moment listening to the rain before your mother appeared behind you carrying two mugs of tea. She looked toward the door knowingly, then back at you. âYou know,â she said lightly, âsummerâs ending soon.â
The words hit like cold water. Suddenly, the room felt too small. Too warm. Your heartbeat stumbled somewhere beneath your ribs. Because for the first time all summer, the ending no longer felt theoretical. It felt real. And terrifyingly close.
Summer began leaving in pieces. Not all at once. That would have been kinder. Instead, Jeju Island unraveled slowly, quietly, like a tide pulling back from shore before anyone realized the water was disappearing. The marina grew emptier first. Boats vanished from their slips one by one, carried back toward cities and obligations and real lives waiting elsewhere. Beach houses that had glowed warm every night for months slowly darkened at the windows. Suitcases appeared in entryways. Goodbyes drifted through the neighborhood in soft, temporary promises.
See you next summer.
As if next summer was guaranteed. As if people stayed the same long enough for promises like that to survive. The air changed too, still warm, but thinner somehow, the evenings arriving earlier, sunsets softer, touched already by the melancholy of something ending, even the ocean looked different, darker blue, quieter, less forgiving. You hated noticing it, because noticing meant acknowledging the clock, and the clock meant him, everything suddenly seemed measured in remaining time, three more Friday nights, two more yacht parties, a handful of mornings left before the entire town dissolved back into memory.Â
Your arrangement had always come with an expiration date stitched into it. Ends with summer. At the beginning, the rule had felt safe, now it felt like standing beneath a blade waiting to fall. You started sleeping badly after that, not because of him, because of the way he had started looking at you. More carefully, more openly, like somewhere along the way, he had grown tired of pretending.
It happened in small moments at first, his hand lingering too long at your waist before letting go, the way his gaze searched for you automatically in crowded rooms now, no hesitation, no embarrassment about it, how he no longer acted surprised by tenderness, as though caring had become instinctive, dangerous, dangerous things. And worst of all, he had stopped treating this like it was temporary.
You noticed it one evening at the beach. The sky had gone pale gold with approaching sunset, the shoreline nearly empty except for scattered locals and gulls drifting low over the water. You sat wrapped in one of his hoodies, knees pulled loosely to your chest while the tide crept closer across the sand. Heeseung sat beside you quietly, one arm draped over his bent knee, watching the horizon.
Comfortable silence stretched between you. The kind that should have felt peaceful. Instead, it terrified you, because this wasnât supposed to become comfortable. Comfort implied permanence. Permanence implied loss. âYouâre thinking too loudly,â he murmured eventually.
You glanced at him. âWhat does that even mean?â
âIt means you get this look on your face when youâre spiraling.â You looked away too quickly. The ocean breathed in and out before you answered. âIâm not spiraling.â
âYou started reorganizing the snacks in my kitchen alphabetically yesterday.â
âThat was stress cleaning.â
âThat was psychotic.â A faint smile touched your mouth despite yourself. His gaze softened when he saw it. There it was again, that look, something gentler, something infinitely more frightening. Your chest tightened.
You stood abruptly before the feeling could settle properly. âI should go.â The shift was immediate. You saw him notice it in real time, the distance, the retreat, his expression changed carefully, like someone stepping onto unstable ground. âYou just got here.â
âI know.â Rain clouds gathered faintly over the horizon, turning the water darker beneath the evening light. You avoided his eyes while brushing sand from your legs, because lately every time you looked at him too long, something inside you started giving way, and you couldnât afford that, not now, not with endings everywhere. The drive home was quiet. not tense, worse, careful, as though both of you could feel something fraying between your hands and neither knew how to stop pulling. After that, it became impossible not to notice. How often he reached for you now. How naturally your lives had begun folding together. How every goodbye felt heavier than the last.
And the more real he became, the more frightened you grew. So you started pulling away, subtly at first, taking longer to answer texts, leaving earlier, skipping late-night visits with excuses thin enough that even you didnât believe them, too tired, family dinner, headache, lies, all of them, because the truth sounded too ugly to admit aloud: You were beginning to love him, and loving someone with an end date felt like volunteering for heartbreak in advance. He noticed immediately, of course he did, he had always known you too well.
One night at Sunooâs house, while music drifted softly through crowded rooms and everyone else played cards half-drunk around the kitchen island, you felt his eyes on you from across the room almost constantly, not possessive, not angry, trying to understand, which somehow hurt worse. You laughed too brightly at things that werenât funny. Let conversations distract you. Pretended not to see the way his jaw tightened every time you slipped further away from him. By midnight, the tension between you had become unbearable.
You found him eventually outside on the balcony overlooking the ocean, moonlight silvering the sharp edges of his profile. The wind moved softly through the dark. Neither of you spoke immediately. There was too much sitting between you now. Finally, he turned. âYouâve been avoiding me.â Not accusatory. Just tired. You crossed your arms tightly against yourself. âIâve been busy.â
A pause. Then quietly, âThatâs not true.â Something sharp moved through your chest. Because no matter how carefully you built distance, Heeseung always walked straight through it. You looked out toward the water instead, far easier than looking at him. The ocean below looked endless tonight, cold, restless. âI just think maybe we forgot what this was supposed to be.â The silence after that felt dangerous. When he spoke again, his voice had gone lower. âAnd what exactly was it supposed to be?â You swallowed, temporary, easy, nothing, but none of those words fit anymore. Not after rainy afternoons and forehead kisses and sleeping beside each other until sunrise, not after the way he looked at you now.Â
You could feel him watching you carefully, waiting, and suddenly the pressure of it became unbearable, the ending hanging over everything, the fear curling tighter around your ribs every day this became more real, because if you admitted what this was becoming, then losing it would destroy you. So instead, you stepped backward emotionally the way frightened people always do. âYou said it yourself,â you murmured. âThis ends with summer.â
His expression shifted, hurt, this time, barely hidden, âAnd thatâs all you want?â You opened your mouth, nothing came out, because the answer existed, because it terrified you. The wind moved cold against your skin, below you, waves crashed endlessly against the shore, over and over, like something trying desperately to return to land. He stared at you for a long moment. Then finally asked, softly enough to hurt, âWhat are we doing?â
The question hung there between you, not angry, not dramatic, honest, and honesty had become the most dangerous thing between the two of you. You looked at him, really looked, at the exhaustion in his eyes, the hope he was trying not to show, the terrifying possibility of being loved back. Your throat tightened painfully. But fear arrived faster, fear always did.
So instead of answering, you stayed silent, and in that silence, something began to break.
â
The storm rolled in after midnight, it didn't rain at first, just pressure, heavy clouds swallowing the sky whole, the air turning electric and difficult to breathe. Wind moved through Jeju Island in restless waves, rattling windows and palm trees and the fragile remains of your composure. You hadnât slept. Couldnât.
His question kept replaying in your head like something unfinished. What are we doing? You had no answer that didnât terrify you. So instead, you spent hours pacing your room while lightning flickered faintly beyond the ocean horizon, illuminating the walls in brief silver flashes. Coward.
The word followed you everywhere now, by one in the morning, your thoughts had become unbearable, by one-thirty, you were walking toward his house through the storm, barefoot, sweatshirt pulled tight around yourself, heart beating too hard.
The neighborhood lay silent beneath the dark sky, every house asleep except his. Light still glowed beneath his bedroom door upstairs. Something inside your chest twisted painfully at that. Like some foolish part of you had hoped heâd be sleeping peacefully. Unaffected. But of course he wasnât.
You knocked once before opening the door. He looked up immediately from the couch. And the moment your eyes met, you understood this was going to hurt. The room was dim except for one lamp near the window. Thunder murmured low outside, rain finally beginning against the glass in soft scattered drops. Heeseung stood slowly. Neither of you spoke at first.
The distance between you felt enormous. You hated it. You hated that you were the one who created it. âYou came,â he said eventually. His voice sounded exhausted. You wrapped your arms around yourself tighter. âI couldnât sleep.â Something unreadable moved across his face. For one dangerous second, it almost softened. Then he remembered. âWhat do you want me to say?â
There it was. No avoiding it now. Your pulse stumbled painfully. âI donât know.â âThatâs the problem.â The words landed harder than they should have. Thunder rolled somewhere closer now. He ran a hand through his hair, frustration bleeding through the calm heâd been holding together for days. âI feel like Iâm standing outside a locked door with you lately.â
You looked away immediately. Because if you looked at him too long, you would fold. âYouâre making this more serious than it is.â Even saying it felt wrong. You could hear the lie rotting underneath the sentence. So could he, his laugh this time sounded hollow.
âSeriously?â You swallowed hard. âThis was supposed to be simple.â âSimple?â His voice sharpened suddenly. âYou think any of this has felt simple?â Rain hit harder against the windows. The room felt smaller now. Too warm. Too full of things neither of you knew how to survive. You took a step backward instinctively, he noticed, of course he noticed, and something inside him finally snapped.
âIâm tired,â he said quietly, âof pretending I donât care.â Silence, the words settled into the room like lightning striking water, there it was, the thing both of you had spent all summer running from, not hidden anymore, not softened into implication, real. You stared at him, your heart hurt so badly it almost felt physical, because part of you had wanted this, wanted him to say it, and another part, the larger, more frightened part, wanted to run until your lungs gave out.
Loving someone meant they could leave. Summer always left. You knew that better than anyone. So fear reached for cruelty the way drowning people reached for air. You laughed softly. Wrong move. His expression changed immediately. You felt your own panic rising now, wild and sharp and impossible to control. âThis was never supposed to mean anything.â
The second the words left your mouth, you wanted them back. Too late. Silence. Not dramatic. Worse. Stillness. You watched the hurt move across his face slowly, like something extinguishing. His eyes lost warmth first, then softness, then hope, and suddenly the room felt freezing. He nodded once, a small movement.
âRight,â he said quietly. âGot it.â You opened your mouth instantly. Nothing came out. Because the truth was trapped somewhere beneath all your fear, clawing at your ribs too late. He grabbed his keys from the counter. Didnât look at you again. Thunder cracked outside just as he reached the door. âHeeseungââ
He stopped. For one second, hope flared painfully inside you again. Then he spoke without turning around. âI think,â he said softly, âI deserved better than that.â And left. The door shut behind him with terrifying finality. You stood there frozen while rain hammered against the windows and the storm swallowed the coastline whole. For the first time all summer, he didnât come back, and afterward came silence.Â
No texts. No late-night knocks at your window. No headlights outside your house. Nothing. Just absence. Cold and endless as the sea. After Heeseung left, summer collapsed in on itself. Not dramatically. No thunder. No shattered glasses. No cinematic unraveling loud enough for the world to notice. Just absence. Quiet and creeping and everywhere.
It settled over Jeju Island like fog rolling in from the ocean, slipping beneath doors and into lungs and through the spaces between ordinary things until everything familiar felt wrong. The beach became unbearable first. You still went sometimes out of habit, carrying books you never opened, towels that stayed folded beside you untouched. The shoreline stretched wide and glittering beneath the August sun, beautiful in the same indifferent way it had always been, but now it felt hollow somehow.
Like a photograph of somewhere you used to belong. Everywhere you looked, there were ghosts of him. Near the dunes where he had first kissed you like he was starving. At the marina docks where moonlight had turned his honesty into something dangerous. On the stretch of sand where heâd once laughed at you for trying to fight the tide after too much tequila and too little dignity. You kept expecting to see him.
Leaning against the lifeguard tower. Walking toward you through the surf. Looking at you the way he always did lately, like he had already memorized every version of your face. But the spaces stayed empty, and somehow emptiness had weight.
The parties werenât any better. Without him, they felt exposed somehow. Too loud. Too artificial. Music thumping against hollow spaces where your heartbeat used to live. Champagne too sweet. Laughter arriving half a second too late to feel real. You drifted through them like someone haunting her own life.
People noticed, of course they did. Sunoo stopped cornering you with gossip and instead watched you carefully whenever you thought nobody was looking. Eunchae started hugging you too tightly before leaving parties. Even Yunjin, who usually treated emotional devastation like a spectator sport, went strangely quiet around you. One evening near the bonfire, while everyone else sat tangled in conversation and salt air and late-summer exhaustion, Sunghoon settled beside you silently with two drinks. You accepted one without looking at him.
For a while, neither of you spoke. The fire cracked softly before him. The ocean breathed dark beyond the shoreline. Then finally, âYou look miserable.â No judgment. Just fact. You let out a quiet laugh that sounded closer to breaking. âIâm fine.â
âRight.â The word carried enough disbelief to hurt. You stared down at the bottle in your hands. âYou know,â he said after a moment, âyouâre the first thing heâs ever taken seriously.â Your chest tightened immediately. You looked at him then. Sunghoon kept his gaze fixed on the fire. âHe acts like nothing matters most of the time,â he continued quietly. âBut you did.â
Past tense. The word sliced through you before you could stop it. You swallowed hard. The fire blurred faintly. âHe wonât even come out with us anymore,â Sunghoon admitted. âJay says heâs been packing.â Packing. Something cold moved through your ribs.
You looked away quickly toward the ocean because suddenly breathing felt difficult. Summer had always ended. You knew that. You had built your entire heart around that truth years ago. Nothing beautiful stayed. Not beach towns. Not warm nights. Not people. Especially not people.
But somehow, somewhere between the rainstorm and the yacht and the way he remembered your coffee order, you had forgotten. Or maybe you had simply hoped he would become the exception. That realization arrived slowly over the following days. Not all at once. In fragments. You missed him in stupid ways first. Reaching automatically for your phone after something funny happened.
Turning toward the empty seat beside you at dinner before remembering. Still wearing one of his hoodies to sleep because taking it off felt too much like admitting he was gone. You found traces of him everywhere. In your routines. In your silences. In yourself.
You remembered the way heâd looked at you across the table that day, soft, unarmed. Like loving you had happened quietly when he wasnât paying attention. The realization hit then, simple, terrible. Oh. This is love. Not infatuation, not summer lust, not convenience sharpened into attachment. Love.
Real enough to hollow you out. Real enough to ruin everything else afterward. You leaned against the storefront window, eyes burning suddenly. Horrible, absolutely horrible, because now you understood why everything felt wrong without him. He had become stitched into the shape of your summer so completely that removing him tore pieces out alongside it.
And worse, you had done this. Fear had done this. You replayed the fight endlessly afterward, every cruel sentence tasting more poisonous each time you remembered it. This was never supposed to mean anything. You had watched those words break him in real time, and still youâd said them. Coward.
By the final week of August, panic settled fully into your bloodstream. You started looking for him without meaning to. Driving past the Lee house too slowly. Watching the beach at sunset. Checking your phone at two in the morning like your body still expected him to return eventually. He never did. The silence between you became its own kind of violence. Finally, the worst part.
It happened accidentally. Your mother stood in the kitchen arranging flowers while late afternoon sunlight spilled gold across the countertops. Outside, cicadas buzzed lazily in the heat, summer sounding exhausted now. You barely listened until she said, âI saw Mrs. Lee earlier.â Something inside you immediately sharpened.
âOh?â âShe said Heeseungâs leaving tomorrow morning.â The world stopped. Your hand froze halfway around your coffee mug. âWhat?â Your mother glanced up, surprised by the sudden rawness in your voice. âHeâs heading back early. Something about work starting sooner in Seoul this year.â Tomorrow. The word crashed through you like cold seawater. Tomorrow meant this was real. Tomorrow meant endings.
Tomorrow meant there was suddenly almost no time left to fix the thing you had destroyed with your own hands. Your pulse turned violent beneath your skin. Outside the window, the ocean stretched blue and endless beyond the cliffs, glittering beneath the fading August light. Beautiful. Temporary. Already slipping away.
â
The next morning arrived too bright. Cruel sunlight flooded Jeju Island in sheets of gold, the ocean glittering innocently beneath the sky like yesterday had not split your heart open. Everything looked painfully beautiful in the way endings often did.
You barely slept. Every hour had passed tangled in panic and memory and the unbearable realization that if you let him leave now, this would become one of those tragedies people carried forever. The kind stitched permanently beneath your ribs. By nine in the morning, your hands were shaking. By nine-fifteen, you were in your car.
You drove too fast down the coastline road, sunlight flashing violently through the trees, your heartbeat louder than the music still playing faintly through the speakers. Wind rushed through the open windows carrying salt and heat and the last dying breath of summer. Your mind replayed him endlessly. The rainstorm. The yacht. The forehead kiss. The way he had looked at you like you were something worth staying soft for.
The moment his face went cold after your cruelty. You gripped the steering wheel harder. Not this. Please not this. The marina came into view suddenly beyond the cliffs, boats swaying gently beneath the sunlight. People moved lazily along the docks carrying luggage and coffees and ordinary lives. Heeseung. Standing near the end of the dock beside one of the ferries heading toward the mainland.
White T-shirt. Dark sunglasses. One duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Leaving. The sight hit you so hard you nearly forgot to breathe. For one terrible second, fear almost won again. Turn around. Protect yourself. Pretend this never mattered. Then he glanced up. Saw you. And everything stopped. You barely remembered getting out of the car. Only the sound of your footsteps against the dock, the ocean below, your pulse roaring loud enough to drown the gulls overhead.
He straightened slowly as you approached, no smile, no anger either, just exhaustion, like he had finally become tired of hoping, that hurt most. You stopped a few feet away from him, sunlight breaking across the water between you both. Neither of you spoke at first.
Words suddenly felt impossibly small compared to everything sitting between your ribs. Finally, he exhaled quietly, âYou came.â The simplicity of it nearly broke you, no accusation, no bitterness, just surprise, your throat tightened painfully. âI had to.â The wind moved softly around you, carrying warmth off the ocean.
He looked at you carefully then, like he was trying not to expect too much, and suddenly you realized something devastating, if you stayed silent now, you would lose him forever, no more pride, no more running, just truth, your eyes burned. âI was scared,â you admitted first. The words came rough, fragile around the edges. Heeseung stayed perfectly still. So you kept going before courage disappeared again.
âI thinkâŠâ You swallowed hard. âI think I knew what this was becoming before you did. And it terrified me because everything here ends eventually and I didnât know how to love someone without already grieving them.â His expression shifted slightly. You stepped closer. âI said those things because I thought if I ruined this first, it would hurt less when summer ended.â
Your voice cracked embarrassingly on the last word. The ocean blurred faintly behind him. âBut it already hurts,â you whispered. âIt hurts all the time.â Silence. Not empty. Listening. You looked at him fully then, no defenses left anywhere inside you. âI was stupid.â A breath. âAnd cruel.â Another. âAnd completely in love with you.â
Just love. Messy and terrifying and real enough to destroy you if he rejected it. Your chest ached violently waiting for him to say something. Anything. Heeseung stared at you for a long moment that felt endless beneath the August sun. Then finally, he laughed softly, not mockingly, disbelieving, like he had spent the entire summer waiting for a miracle and couldnât quite believe it had arrived, you frowned immediately through the tears threatening your eyes. âThatâs your reaction?â
He stepped closer. Close enough now that you could see the exhaustion beneath his eyes, the relief slowly undoing it. âIâve been waiting all summer for you to admit that,â he said quietly. Idiot. You made a broken sound halfway between a laugh and a sob before grabbing the front of his shirt and kissing him, hard, desperate enough to make up for every moment you wasted being afraid. His hands found your waist instantly, pulling you against him with something almost painful in its urgency, and suddenly the entire world dissolved into sunlight and saltwater and relief.
The kiss felt different now, not drowning, not war, like finally reaching shore after spending months lost at sea, his forehead rested against yours when you finally pulled apart, both of you breathing unevenly beneath the burning light. âYou are unbelievably difficult,â he murmured.
You laughed wetly. âYou stayed anyway.â âYeah,â he admitted softly. âI did.â Around you, the marina continued moving, boats departing, gulls crying overhead, summer ending one irreversible second at a time. But for the first time since this began, nothing about this felt temporary anymore.
â
The late afternoon light filtered through the curtains of Heeseungâs bedroom, casting a golden haze over tangled sheets and bare skin. Months had passed since that messy night, since the angry kisses and the âthis was a mistakeâ lies. What started as stolen moments and stubborn denial had slowly, stubbornly, become something real.
Now, you were exactly where you belonged, underneath him, legs locked around his waist as he moved inside you with deep, unhurried strokes. Every thrust pulled a fresh sound from your throat. Your fingers dug into his shoulders, back arching as pleasure coiled tight in your core. âHeeseungâ mmph!â Your cry was muffled as he leaned down and kissed you, slow and filthy, his tongue sliding against yours while his hips kept that devastating rhythm. Heeseung chuckled warmly against your mouth, the vibration sending sparks through your body. He kissed you once more, softer this time, then pressed his lips gently to your forehead, lingering there as he stayed buried deep inside you.
Still teasing. Still chaos. Still both completely insufferable. But now it was real. He pulled back just enough to look at you, sweat-damp hair falling over his eyes, that signature smirk playing on his lips even while he was still pulsing inside you. âThought I told you not to fall in love with me,â he murmured, voice low and rough with affection.
You smiled up at him, glowing and utterly wrecked, your hand coming up to brush his hair back.
âThought I told you not to call.â Heeseung let out a genuine laugh, the kind that made your chest feel too full. He rolled his hips once more, slow and deep, drawing a soft gasp from you before stilling again. âYeah, well⊠I never was good at listening,â he said, brushing his nose against yours. âThat night after the party, when I texted you to come over⊠I told myself it was just one more mistake. One more time and weâd get it out of our systems.â
You raised an eyebrow, tracing your fingers down his spine. âAnd howâs that working out for you?â âTerribly,â he admitted, kissing the corner of your mouth. âBecause every time you walked away, I kept thinking about you. Every summer. Every fight. Every time you looked at me like you wanted to kill me and kiss me at the same time.â
He shifted slightly, still deep inside you, and rested his forehead against yours. âI kept telling myself not to fall. And then you showed up at my door the next morning anyway. Stubborn as hell. Beautiful as ever.â You laughed softly, tightening your legs around him. âYouâre the one who kept calling. Kept texting. Kept pulling me back in.â
Heeseungâs eyes softened, that rare vulnerable look breaking through the cocky exterior. âBecause I couldnât stop. Even when I tried.â His thumb stroked your cheek. âGuess Iâm the idiot who fell first.â The room felt smaller, warmer, wrapped in golden light and years of history finally settling into place. All the almosts, the what-ifs, the angry almost-kisses on balconies and beaches, they had led here. To this. You pulled him down into another kiss, slow and sweet this time, savoring the way he melted against you.
When you broke apart, Heeseung froze for half a second, then broke into the brightest, most boyish grin youâd ever seen on him.âThatâs what this whole thing has been, hasnât it? One long, messy âmaybeâ that turned into forever.â You nodded, eyes shining. âNo more mistakes. No more running. Just us.â
âJust us,â he echoed. He kissed you again, deeper, hungrier, and started moving inside you once more, slow and intentional, like he was sealing the words into your skin. The laughter faded into soft moans and whispered names, the two of you losing yourselves in each other one more time.
Later, as the sun dipped lower and you lay tangled together under the sheets, Heeseungâs fingers tracing lazy patterns on your bare back, he pressed one last kiss to your shoulder.
âSo⊠Call Me Maybe?â he asked, smirking.
You grinned. âOnly if you promise to always pick up.â
in which jay gives you lessons on how to get (and fuck) jake sim.
synopsis: when your crush on jake sim turns into full-blown panic about your complete lack of experience, your best friend suggests the one person on campus who can help: jay park â the dangerously attractive, notoriously skilled senior with a reputation for being an incredible teacher.
what starts as innocent lessons in flirting, kissing, and confidence quickly spirals into something much hotter⊠and much more complicated. because the more jay teaches you how to drive jake crazy, the more you realize you only want him touching you.
pairing: jay x fem!reader (x jake)
wc: 34.6k
warnings: smut! light fluff and angst
cw: college au, love triangle, mutual pining, slow burn. themes of virginity, virginity loss, sexual inexperience, anxiety about intimacy. mentions of alcohol. explicit sexual content (kissing, making out, dry humping, handjob, blowjob, p in v, unprotected sex.) heavy flirting and sexual tension, playful teasing, use of petnames, strong language.
a/n: even though today is my birthday, i wanted to be the one giving you a gift. so... yeah, here you go, the longest fic i've ever written. i hope you enjoy it as much as i did while writing! <3
the bass hums low through the crowded living room, a warm pulse that vibrates under your skin as you lean against the kitchen counter, half-hidden behind a cluster of red plastic cups.
the party is the usual saturday chaos â too many people crammed into this frat house off campus, bodies swaying and bumping into each other under the dim string lights someone messily hung on the ceiling. laughter spills over the music, loud, while the faint smell of cheap beer, cheap vodka, and even cheaper perfume hangs thick in the air, mixing with the occasional scent of cigarette smoke drifting in from the backyard. red cups litter every surface, and the floor already feels sticky under your sneakers from whatever got spilled earlier.
but your eyes stay fixed across the room, unable to look anywhere else, like some invisible string keeps pulling your gaze back no matter how much you tell yourself to stop.
jake sim stands near the sliding glass doors that lead to the backyard, where the night air probably feels cooler and less suffocating than in here.
one hand is casually tucked into the pocket of his dark jeans, the fabric hugging his legs just right, while the other gestures animatedly as he talks to a girl you vaguely recognize from your literature class â maybe her name is karina or something close. sheâs laughing at something he said, head tilted back in that carefree way, exposing the line of her throat, her fingers brushing his arm every few seconds like she canât help touching him. the way she leans into his space screams interest, flirtiness, and he doesnât pull away. if anything, he seems to welcome it, that charm radiating off him.
and jake â good god, jake looks perfect. the kind of perfect that makes your chest ache with a sharp, longing twist.
heâs wearing a simple black button-up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, exposing those toned forearms that flex subtly every time he moves his hand for emphasis. his hair falls softly over his forehead in that effortless, slightly tousled way, like he ran his fingers through it once and left it alone, knowing it would look devastating. the dim lighting catches on the sharp line of his jaw, the warm brown of his eyes, and when he smiles at her, itâs the same warm, dimpled smile heâs given you a dozen times in the hallway or during group project meetings. the kind of smile that feels like sunlight breaking through clouds, crinkling the corners of his eyes and making his whole face light up.
he leans in closer to hear her better over the music, nodding along with genuine interest, his full attention on her like sheâs the only person in this entire crowded house.
thatâs the thing about jake. when he focuses on someone, it feels like the rest of the world fades into background noise â no distractions, no half-measures. just him, fully present, making you feel seen in a way thatâs dangerously addictive.
you swallow hard, fingers tightening around your barely-touched drink until the plastic creaks under your grip. the soda has gone warm and gass-less, but you donât care. you havenât taken more than a sip in the last twenty minutes anyway, too busy nursing this quiet ache while pretending to scroll on your phone every few seconds so no one notices you staring.
youâve been crushing on him for four months now.
four long, torturous months of stolen glances across lecture halls, light flirting in the library where his knee would accidentally brush yours under the table, and random texts about class notes that somehow turned into conversations about favorite movies and late-night snacks and that one time he admitted he secretly loves cheesy romance dramas even though his friends would tease him endlessly for it.
and, the thing is, everybody knows jake doesnât flirt casually. if he gives a girl that kind of attention â the lingering eye contact, the playful teasing texts at midnight, the way he remembers small details like how you take your coffee â it means heâs interested in something real. dating, commitment, the whole boyfriend package with hand-holding walks across campus and good morning messages that make your heart race.
heâs had two serious girlfriends in the past three years, one lasting several months where youâd see them together looking so effortlessly in sync, the other stretching a whole year where rumors said they were practically inseparable until things eventually ended on good terms. each one looking blissfully happy in his presence, glowing like theyâd unlocked some secret level of connection and pleasure that you can only imagine.
and thatâs exactly why your stomach twists into tight, anxious knots right now.
youâre a virgin. painfully, embarrassingly inexperienced.
youâve kissed a couple guys before, sure â awkward fumbling in the dark during high school parties, all sloppy lips and unsure hands that never quite knew where to go or how to make it feel good. but nothing more. no one has ever touched you the way you know jake has touched his exes. youâve overheard enough whispered conversations in the girlsâ bathroom or seen the way those exes still look at him sometimes with fond, satisfied smiles.
jake is the type who probably knows exactly what heâs doing â patient, attentive, skilled in ways that leave girls breathless and glowing, satisfied down to their bones. the kind of guy who takes his time, learns what makes someone moan and shiver, who makes sex feel like an art form instead of a clumsy rush. and the thought of him finding out how clueless you are makes your cheeks burn even in the middle of this loud, overheated party, a flush creeping up your neck that has nothing to do with the alcohol youâre barely drinking.
what if you freeze up when things finally get intimate? what if your hands shake too much to touch him the right way, or you donât know how to kiss him properly with that slow, deep confidence he probably expects? what if you canât make him feel good, canât match the energy of his past girlfriends who clearly knew how to please him back? what if he realizes youâre not on the same level â not experienced, not sexy, not adventurous enough â and the interest in his eyes dims? the flirting would stop. the texts would fade. heâd move on to someone who doesnât need to google basic techniques in secret or lie awake at night worrying about being a disappointment in bed.
you bite the inside of your cheek hard enough to taste the faint metallic taste, forcing your gaze away just as the girl leans up to whisper something in jakeâs ear. her lips brush close, too close, and he laughs softly â that low, charming sound carrying across the room like a sweet melody cut through the bass. itâs warm and genuine, the kind that makes butterflies erupt in your stomach even from this distance.
you turn toward the counter instead, pretending to refill your cup from the half-empty punch bowl, the liquid sloshing messily as your hand trembles slightly. the ice cubes clink loudly in your cup, a small distraction from the way your heart pounds against your ribs.
around you, the party pulses on without pause. someone bumps your shoulder accidentally, muttering a quick sorry before disappearing back into the crowd. a group of girls nearby bursts into giggles over some inside joke, their voices high and tipsy. the music shifts to a slower track, something with heavy bass and breathy vocals that only makes the atmosphere feel more charged, more intimate despite the chaos. you glance back once more, unable to resist, and catch jakeâs eyes flicking in your direction for the briefest second. does he see you? does that dimpled smile flicker with recognition? your breath catches, but then heâs turning back to the girl, saying something that makes her touch his arm again, and the moment slips away like smoke.
you set the cup down untouched, wiping your damp palms on the sides of your jeans. the insecurity sits heavy in your chest, a constant whisper reminding you that jake sim deserves someone who can keep up. someone confident. someone who knows how to flirt without second-guessing every word, how to touch without hesitation, how to make a guy like him lose control in the best ways.
and right now, that someone feels impossibly far from who you are â standing here in the corner, heart racing over nothing more than a smile across a crowded room.
the party swirls around you, alive and indifferent, but your mind stays trapped in that loop of what-ifs and quiet longing, the bass still humming low like a reminder that time is moving forward whether youâre ready or not.
âyouâre doing that thing again,â a familiar voice says beside you.
yunjin appears like magic, sliding an arm around your waist and resting her chin on your shoulder. her long hair tickles your neck, smelling like coconut shampoo and the strawberry lip gloss she always wears. sheâs been your best friend since freshman orientation â loud where youâre quiet, confident where you overthink everything.
âwhat thing?â you mumble, even though you already know.
âthe âstaring at jake like he hung the moon but also might destroy my entire soulâ thing.â she steals a sip from your cup and grimaces. âugh, youâre drinking the watered-down shit again. come on, letâs get you something stronger.â
you let her drag you toward the other end of the kitchen, but your mind stays stuck on jake. even through the hazy, crowded warmth of the party, your eyes keep drifting back to where heâs laughing with some guys from the club soccer team. yunjin notices, of course. she always does, her grip tightening on your arm in a silent show of support while she pours something sweet and dangerously strong into a fresh red cup for you.
later that night, after the party finally winds down and the bass stops rattling your teeth, youâre both back in your shared off-campus apartment. the contrast is jarring, the heavy silence of the night settling over everything. the real conversation happens when the rest of the world is asleep. youâre sprawled on your bed in oversized pajamas, hair still slightly damp and curling from a quick shower, while yunjin sits cross-legged on the floor painting her nails a deep, glossy burgundy. the lamp on your nightstand casts a soft, amber glow across the room, and the distant city hums faintly outside the window.
you pull your knees tightly to your chest, hugging them until your knuckles turn white. the weight of the secret has been crushing you for days, and the words finally tumble out before you can stop them.
âiâm scared, yunjin. really scared.â
she glances up instantly, the brush hovering inches above her index finger. the playful tease drops from her face. âscared of what? jakeâs a sweetheart. heâs not some asshole whoâs going to play games with you.â
âitâs not him. itâs⊠me.â your voice drops to a pathetic whisper, your cheeks instantly heating up with a fierce, burning blush. you bury your chin in your knees. âiâm a virgin. completely. iâve barely even done anything beyond clumsy high school kissing. and jakeâs had actual girlfriends. serious ones. he knows what heâs doing, yunjin. what if iâm bad at it? what if i disappoint him? heâll realize iâm not⊠enough. not experienced enough. not sexy enough. not whatever his exes were.â
yunjin sets the nail polish bottle down on a stray magazine slowly, giving you her full, undivided attention. her expression softens, the fierce protectiveness she always has for you melting into something tender, though thereâs still a sharp spark of determination in her eyes.
âbabe⊠first of all, thatâs so normal. lots of people are virgins in college, even if they don't advertise it. second, if jake likes you â and he clearly does â heâs not going to expect you to be some kind of porn star on day one. he'd probably think it was sweet, honestly.â she pauses, watching your miserable expression. âbut i get it. you want to feel confident. you don't want to be overthinking every single touch when you're finally alone with him. you want to blow his mind when it happens.â
you nod miserably, burying your face completely in your knees for a second, your voice muffled. âi just want to feel like I know what I'm doing. just a little bit.â
yunjin taps her freshly painted fingers on the carpet, her mind visibly whirring. then she smiles â that mischievous, slightly dangerous, scheming smile you know all too well. itâs the smile that usually precedes a terrible, brilliant idea.
âif you really want to impress him⊠thereâs someone who can help.â
you peek at her over the tops of your knees, skeptical. âwhat do you mean? like a book? a podcast?â
âsunghoonâs friend. jay. jay park.â she says it like the name should mean something immediately, dropping it into the quiet room like a bombshell. âheâs discreet as hell. experienced â like, really experienced. girls talk about him in hushed tones in the sorority houses, trust me. apparently heâs an incredible teacher. no strings attached, just pure skill-building. heâs actually done this before for a couple of people who were in your exact shoes. helps them get confident, learn what they need to know. everything from flirting, body language, touching, all the way down to⊠you know.â
your eyes widen to the size of saucers. âyouâre joking. you want me to ask a random guy to tutor me in sex?â
âdead serious. heâs not a fuckboy in the messy, heartbroken-trail way. more like⊠selective. efficient.â yunjin leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees, her tone shifting into something more serious. âand look, here's the thing. jay is known for fucking the girls he hangs out with, yeah. he has that reputation for a reason. but⊠you don't have to do that. he's not some caveman. jay is actually the best one on this entire campus to go to for advice, even if you never lay a finger on him.â
she waves a hand to emphasize her point, careful not to smudge her polish. âhe might make an exception for you. you can literally just have the option of not sleeping with him. you can just go to him, tell him the situation, and let him give you advice. he knows how guys think, he knows what jakeâs vibe is since they run in similar circles, and he can literally just talk you through it. teach you how to read the room, how to touch without being awkward. but if you do decide you want hands-on practice? he's the guy. if you approach him the right way and youâre honest, heâll probably say yes to whatever level youâre comfortable with. heâs good at keeping secrets too. sunghoon swears he's the most trustworthy guy he knows.â
you stare at her, your heart hammering a rapid rhythm against your ribs. jay. youâve seen him around campus, of course. everyone has. heâs impossible to miss â tall, with that sharp jawline, dark hair usually styled flawlessly, always dressed like he just stepped out of a high-end fashion magazine. he has this quiet, heavy confidence mixed with a sharp, teasing look that makes people nervous to look him in the eye for too long. the mere idea of walking up to him and asking him for⊠lessons felt completely insane. humiliating. but beneath the embarrassment, a tiny, buried part of you felt a thrill that was absolutely terrifying.
âi couldnât,â you whisper, your voice shaking slightly. âyunjin, thatâs crazy. 'hey jay, can you teach me how to be good in bed so i can go sleep with your acquaintance?' heâll laugh in my face.â
âis it crazier than stressing yourself sick over whether youâll be good enough for jake? you're practically giving yourself an ulcer over a guy who hasn't even kissed you yet.â yunjin raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow. âlook, you deserve to feel prepared. empowered. jayâs the guy for that, whether he's just talking to you over a drink or showing you what to do. no emotions, no drama, just practice and advice. think about it. just promise me you'll think about it.â
the conversation lingers long after yunjin finally packs up her nail polish and leaves your room, kissing your forehead goodnight and telling you to text her if you need to spiral more. you lie awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling, the name jay repeating in your head like a dare.
you lie there in the dark, the harsh blue glow of your phone illuminating your face in the otherwise pitch-black room. your thumb hovers precariously over the message bar, trembling slightly.
you had found jayâs contact info through a mutual friend's group chat earlier that night, your heart racing so fast you could hear it in your ears the entire time you were saving his number. now, at exactly 2:17 a.m., the sheer absurdity of the hour matches the sheer absurdity of what you're about to do. you type a sentence, delete it. type another, delete that too. you rewrite the message five times, your palms sweating against the glass screen, before you finally force your thumb to stay still and craft something that sounds at least semi-coherent.
you: hi⊠this is awkward but um. yunjin mentioned you might be able to help with some⊠lessons? about confidence and stuff. with guys. iâm really new to all of it and thereâs this guy i like and i donât want to mess it up. if youâre not interested thatâs totally fine, sorry for bothering you this late.
you hit send.
the instant the little outgoing chime sounds, a wave of pure, instant regret crashes over you. you toss the phone away like itâs physically burning you, letting it land somewhere in the tangled blankets at the foot of your bed. you cover your face with both hands, groaning softly into the quiet room. this is ridiculous. it's humiliating. who even asks for something like this? jay park is going to think you're an absolute freak, or worse, he's going to screenshot it and show sunghoon.
a minute passes. then two. the silence in your room feels heavy, suffocating. you're just about to reach down and turn the phone completely off to save yourself further agony when the mattress vibrates.
buzz.
your heart leaps into your throat. you scramble through the covers, fishing for the device and unlocking it with shaking fingers.
jay: well this is a new way to get my attention. lessons, huh? for a specific guy? bold.
before you can even process the dry, teasing tone of his text, another message bubbles up right underneath it.
your stomach flips hard, dropping into a dizzying freefall. he said yes. kind of. itâs incredibly teasing, dripping with the exact kind of effortless confidence that usually intimidates you, but itâs still a yes. he didn't laugh you off. he didn't tell you to lose his number.
you roll onto your back, dropping the phone onto your chest and staring up at the ceiling fan spinning lazily above you. the shadows from the blades cut rhythmic patterns across the ceiling, but they do nothing to soothe your mind, which is currently racing at a thousand miles an hour.
what the hell are you actually doing?
asking jay park â the campus mystery, the guy who walks through hallways like he owns them, the one with that intense, piercing stare that makes people look away first â to teach you how to flirt, how to touch, how to⊠god, how to do everything. and you're doing it all just so you can feel like you're enough for jake sim. the contrast between the two boys couldn't be wider: jake, with his warm, sweet, golden-retriever energy and easy smiles, and jay, who feels like a sharp knife, dark leather jackets, and expensive cologne.
but underneath the suffocating layers of panic and embarrassment, a tiny, unfamiliar spark begins to take hold. itâs a spark of excitement. of real hope. yunjin was right; you've been putting yourself through misery over your lack of experience. maybe this is exactly what you need to break out of your own head. maybe jay really can turn you into someone confident, someone desirable â someone who wonât freeze up or panic when jake finally makes a real move.
you pull the heavy blanket higher up over your shoulders, curling onto your side as your phone screen finally times out and dims, plunging the room back into total darkness.
tomorrow at 4 p.m. there's no backing out now. you're really doing this.
and as exhaustion finally starts to get to you, a nervous, slightly hysterical laugh escapes your lips into the quiet apartment.
what have you gotten yourself into?
-------
the next afternoon, 4:00 p.m. arrives far too quickly.
when you push the glass door open, the little bell chiming above you feels like a death threat. you look around the dimly lit space, and there he is.
jay is sitting at a small corner table near the back window, looking entirely too calm and entirely too hot for a thursday afternoon. heâs wearing a simple black sweater, the sleeves pushed up to reveal his forearms, and his dark hair is perfectly styled, just like always. he has a half-empty iced americano in front of him, his thumb casually scrolling through his phone. thereâs a quiet, effortless aura of arrogance around him, but as he catches movement and looks up, his sharp features soften into a playful, lazy smirk.
âyouâre exactly on time,â he says, his voice a low, smooth rumble that instantly makes your stomach do a flip. he slides the empty chair opposite him out with his foot. âsit. you look like youâre about to faint.â
you sink into the chair, gripping your tote bag tightly against your chest like a shield. âhi. thank you for coming.â
ârelax, newbie. i donât bite,â he teases, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. he studies your burning, red face for a second before a soft chuckle escapes him. âyou know, you could have just told me the whole story in the text. saved yourself some typing.â
you blink, confused. âwhat do you mean?â
jay leans forward, resting his elbows on the table, his dark eyes locking onto yours with a dangerous amount of amusement. âyunjin told sunghoon. sunghoon told me. so, i already know the full context.â his smirk widens, making him look devastatingly handsome. âso you want to learn how to fuck properly for jake sim? bold.â
your entire face explodes in a fierce, blinding heat. you literally feel the blood rushing to your cheeks, and for a terrifying, very long second, you consider hiding under the table or running away as fast as you can. you bury your face in your hands, your voice muffled and laced with pure mortification. âoh my god. i am going to kill yunjin. i am actually going to murder her.â
jay lets out a genuine, low laugh at your reaction, the sound rich and surprisingly warm. âdonât kill her yet. sheâs just looking out for you. and honestly? itâs refreshing. most girls try a lot harder to play it cool around me.â
you slowly drop your hands, your cheeks still burning a bright pink. âi don't even know what i'm doing here. this is insane.â
âitâs only insane if you make it insane,â jay says calmly, his playful tone softening just a fraction into something a bit more business-like. he pushes a clean napkin and a pen toward you, though he keeps his eyes on your face. âletâs treat this like an introduction. an assessment. before we can fix anything, i need to know what weâre working with. list all the things you think youâre bad at. everything you're worried about. so i know what to focus on.â
you stare at the blank napkin, swallowing hard. the vulnerability of it feels immense, but youâre already here, and youâre already completely humiliated. you take a deep breath and start listing them off, your voice dropping to a quiet whisper so the barista wonât hear.
âflirting,â you start, counting on your fingers instead of writing it down. âi freeze up. and⊠kissing. iâve only ever done clumsy high school kissing, nothing serious. touching⊠like, knowing where to put my hands without being awkward. sex, obviously, since iâve never done it. and⊠just confidence in general. i overthink everything until i ruin the mood.â
jay listens quietly, his sharp eyes tracking the movement of your fingers. he doesn't laugh, and he doesn't tease you this time. he just nods slowly, absorbing the information.
âokay. thatâs a solid list,â he says. then, his gaze drops to how tightly youâre still clutching your bag, your knuckles white, your shoulders tense and pulled high. his eyes lift back to yours, perceptive and sharp. âyouâre terrified iâm going to try to jump you, arenât you?â
your breath hitches. you open your mouth to deny it, but the words catch in your throat. you are skeptical about getting physical with him. the idea of practicing on jay park feels like playing with fire, and youâre fully aware you might get burned.
jay sighs softly, leaning back again, his posture completely relaxed to contrast your tension. âlook at me.â
you look up, meeting his intense stare.
âyunjin told you i have a reputation, and sheâs right. iâm not going to sit here and pretend iâm a saint,â jay says, his tone completely direct, peer-to-peer, without a shred of judgment. âbut i donât do anything without absolute consent. i can see youâre stressed out of your mind right now. so, letâs take the pressure off. we are not getting physical. the âlessonsâ will be entirely theoretical. just talking, advice, breaking down how guys think, and giving you the blueprint. unless you explicitly ask to change that later down the line, we keep our hands to ourselves. deal?â
the relief that washes over you is so sudden and heavy that your shoulders visibly drop. âdeal. thank you. seriously.â
âdonât thank me yet, newbie. youâre still going to have to work on that confidence,â jay says, that familiar, teasing grin creeping back onto his face. he stands up, grabbing his iced coffee and sliding his phone into his pocket. âweâre done for today. meet me at my dorm tomorrow afternoon. third floor of the west quad, room 314. weâll start the actual work then.â
the next afternoon, you find yourself standing outside room 314 in the west quad, your heart doing gymnastics against your ribs. you take three deep, stabilizing breaths before finally raising a shaking hand to knock.
the door swings open almost immediately, and jay stands there looking effortlessly put-together in a gray hoodie and sweatpants. his hair is slightly messy today, falling over his forehead, which somehow makes him look even more intimidatingly handsome.
âyouâre on time again. i like that,â he says, stepping back to let you in.
his dorm is surprisingly clean and smells faintly of sandalwood and expensive laundry detergent. thereâs a vinyl player in the corner, a desk stacked with textbooks, and a neatly made bed. jay walks over to his desk chair, spins it around to face the bed, and motions for you to sit on the mattress.
âalright, newbie. welcome to lesson one,â jay says, his tone shifting into something surprisingly focused. he sits down, crossing his legs and resting his elbows on his knees. âtoday is all about the fundamentals. eye contact, body language, and light teasing. if you can't master the tension before you even touch a guy, everything else falls flat. so, we start here.â
you nod, swallowing hard, trying to look like a good student. âokay. what do i do?â
âfirst thing: eye contact,â jay says, leaning forward slightly. his dark eyes lock onto yours, intense and unblinking. âwhen youâre talking to jake, you have a habit of looking down at your shoes or glancing away every three seconds. it makes you look like youâre guilty of a crime. i want you to hold my gaze. donât look away until i do.â
you brace yourself and look straight into his eyes. one second passes. then two. the sheer intensity of his stare feels like a physical weight in the room. by second four, your heart is pounding, your throat feels dry, and your eyes instinctively dart toward the window.
jay lets out a soft, amused scoff. âfour seconds. tragic. again.â
you lock eyes with him again, biting the inside of your cheek. this time, you manage to hold it, but you can feel your face flushing a bright, furious pink.
jay watches the blush spread across your cheeks, a slow, lazy half-smile spreading across his face. heâs clearly enjoying how easily he can fluster you, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. âyouâre cute when youâre panicking, you know that? but you need to relax your shoulders. you look like a statue.â
âitâs hard,â you complain, your voice a little high. âyouâre staring at me like a hawk.â
âjake is going to stare at you too, newbie. you need to get used to it,â jay teases, leaning back in his chair with a playful grin. âalright, letâs move on to flirting and light teasing. pretend iâm jake. weâre at a party, i just walked up to you, and i say, âhey, i like your outfit.â how do you respond?â
you clear your throat, trying to channel every romantic comedy youâve ever watched. you try to mimic the slow, confident smirk jay always uses, but your lips twitch awkwardly.
âoh, this old thing?â you say, your voice dripping with a completely unnatural, overly dramatic theatricality. you even throw in a bizarre little hair flip that feels entirely forced. âthanks. i guess you donât look too bad yourself.â
the room goes completely silent.
jay just stares at you for three long seconds, his expression an unbelievable mix of utter disbelief and pure, unadulterated amusement. then, he buries his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking as a deep, breathless laugh escapes him.
âoh my god,â jay groans, looking up at you with tears of laughter in his eyes. âthat was⊠easily the worst thing i have ever heard in my entire life.â
âhey!â you yell, grabbing a stray pillow from his bed and throwing it at his chest. your face is practically purple with embarrassment. âi told you i was bad at this!â
jay catches the pillow effortlessly, still laughing. âbad? newbie, that wasnât just bad. that was completely goofy. you sounded like a cartoon villain trying to seduce a detective. and what was that hair flip? did you have a muscle spasm?â
âstop laughing at me!â you hide your face in your hands, completely mortified. âthis was a mistake. iâm leaving.â
âno, stay, sit down,â jay says, his laughter finally dying down into a wide, bright grin. he tosses the pillow back onto the bed and leans in closer, his voice dropping into a softer, playful murmur. âi'm sorry, i shouldn't laugh. it was honestly kind of endearing. but we definitely have our work cut out for us.â
you peek through your fingers at him, pouty and defensive. âfine. how am i supposed to say it, mr. expert?â
jay shifts in his chair, his entire demeanor changing in a split second. the laughter vanishes, replaced by a smooth, magnetic confidence that makes your breath hitch. he looks at you, his eyes dropping to your lips for a microsecond before rising back to your eyes. a small, knowing grin plays at the corner of his mouth.
âif i say âi like your outfit,â you donât act like a theater kid,â jay says softly, his voice a low, teasing purr that makes goosebumps break out on your arms. âyou look him right in the eye, hold it for a second, smile just a little bit, and say⊠âthanks. i wore it hoping youâd notice.ââ
you stare at him, your mouth slightly open, completely paralyzed by how smoothly he delivered the line. the air in the dorm suddenly feels incredibly thick, the playful atmosphere from a second ago completely evaporating into something heavy and charged.
jay holds your gaze for a beat longer, making sure the lesson lands, before breaking the tension with a quiet chuckle. he taps his fingers against his knee, leaning back in his chair. âsee the difference? subtle. playful. now, letâs try it again. and this time, keep your hair exactly where it is.â
you swallow the lump in your throat, trying desperately to shake off the weird shiver that just ran down your spine. heâs just demonstrating, you remind yourself. he does this for fun.
âokay,â you mutter, pulling your knees up to your chest on his bed and trying to center yourself. âsubtle. no theater-kid energy. got it.â
âalright. take two,â jay says, his expression shifting back into that smooth, predatory calm. he locks his eyes onto yours. âhey. i like your outfit.â
you force yourself not to look away. you look at his dark eyes, then let your gaze drop slightly to his lips â just like he did â before looking back up. you attempt a small, knowing smile, though your heart is hammering against your ribs.
âthanks,â you say, your voice a little softer than usual, a little more genuine. âi wore it hoping youâd notice.â
jay doesn't laugh this time. he stays perfectly still, his eyes tracking the slight tremor in your bottom lip. for a second, his grin falters, replaced by a sharp, intense curiosity that makes your stomach do a violent flip. then, the lazy crooked smile creeps back onto his face, and he nods approvingly.
âbetter,â he murmurs, his voice a low rumble. âway better. see? you donât need to put on a performance. guys like jake â and guys like me â we can tell when a girl is trying too hard. authenticity is hotter than any script you could write. you just have to let yourself feel the tension instead of running away from it.â
the rest of the hour goes by in a blur of intense eye contact and brutal, playful critiques. jay puts you through a dozen different scenarios. he teaches you how to respond to a compliment without deflecting it, how to use a quiet pause in conversation to your advantage, and how a simple change in posture can make you look completely magnetic.
he doesn't miss a single chance to tease you, though. every time you stumble over your words or give a goofy response, he boops your nose with his pen or groans dramatically into his hands. but by the time the alarm on his phone buzzes to signal the end of the hour, you realize something shocking: you arenât so uncomfortable anymore. youâre actually laughing with him.
âalright, session one complete,â jay says, standing up and stretching his arms over his head, pulling his hoodie up just enough for you to catch a glimpse of his toned stomach. you quickly look away, your face heating up again. he catches you, of course, and just smirks. âhomework for tonight: practice looking people in the eye. the cashier at the dining hall, your professors, yunjin. donât look down.â
âfine, professor park,â you roll your eyes, sliding off his bed and grabbing your bag. âthanks. for not totally giving up on me.â
âi don't give up on my projects, newbie,â he says, walking you to the door. he opens it, leaning against the frame and looking down at you with a soft, surprisingly warm expression. âsee you in two days. don't overthink it.â
âi'll try,â you murmur, giving him a small wave before turning and walking down the hallway.
the walk back to your apartment is a long one, and the cool evening air does nothing to calm the frantic state of your brain. you wrap your cardigan tighter around yourself, your sneakers clicking rhythmically against the pavement as you re-read every single moment of the last hour in your head.
your mind is a chaotic mess of conflicting thoughts.
but as you cross the street near the campus green, another thought creeps in, unbidden and entirely unwelcome.
jay.
you pull a breath into your lungs, a strange, tight feeling in your chest. you had gone into that room completely terrified of him, expecting a cold, arrogant guy who would judge your total lack of experience. instead, he had been⊠patient. incredibly observant. and so frustratingly attractive that it felt like a safety hazard.
when he had delivered that line â i wore it hoping youâd notice â the look in his eyes hadn't felt like a lesson at all. it had felt entirely too real. the way his voice had dropped, the way he had effortlessly controlled the energy in the room⊠it was terrifying how easily he could manipulate your feelings with just a shift in his posture.
heâs a professional, you remind yourself sternly, walking up the steps to your apartment building. he has a reputation for a reason. heâs doing this to help you with jake. do not confuse the lines.
yet, as you unlock your front door and hear yunjin yelling something from the kitchen, you canât shake the memory of jayâs lazy, knowing smirk from your mind. you had spent weeks stressing yourself sick over jake sim, but as you step into your apartment, you realize with a sudden wave of panic that learning how to play the game with jay park might be a hundred times more dangerous.
-------
two days later, you find yourself back outside room 314. you don't even need to take three deep breaths this time â only two.
when jay opens the door, heâs wearing a faded vintage band tee and dark jeans, looking like he just rolled out of bed but somehow still managed to look effortlessly attractive. he takes one look at your face, steps back to let you in, and closes the door with a quiet click.
âwelcome back, newbie,â he says, a lazy grin already spreading across his face. âdid you do your homework? did you look the dining hall lady in the eye, or did you stare at your tater tots again?â
âi looked her straight in the eye,â you say proudly, tossing your tote bag onto his desk chair. âshe looked confused, but i didnât look down once.â
âproud of you,â jay chuckles, walking over to his mini-fridge to grab a bottle of water. he takes a sip before turning his full attention to you, his eyes sweeping over your outfit before locking onto yours. âalright, today is lesson two. weâre graduating from eye contact. today is all about compliments, voice tone, and what i like to call âinnocentâ touching. leaning in, brushing an arm, breaking the physical barrier without making it a big deal. ready?â
you nod, though your stomach does a familiar little nervous flip. âready.â
âgood. sit on the bed,â jay commands smoothly, pulling his desk chair over so heâs sitting directly across from you again, only this time, he hitches the chair closer. his knees are barely a few inches from yours. the proximity alone makes the air feel instantly thick. âletâs start with compliments and tone. a lot of girls think giving a compliment means squealing and saying âoh my god your hair looks so good today!â thatâs friend-zone energy. jake doesn't need another cheerleader. he needs to know you see him as a man. understand?â
âyeah,â you murmur, swallowing hard.
âso, voice tone is everything. drop your volume. speak from your chest, not your throat. make him lean in to hear you,â jay instructs, his own voice dropping into that low, gravelly pitch that makes your ears tingle. âletâs try it. i walk up to you. iâm jake. iâm wearing a nice cologne. compliment me.â
you take a second to clear your throat, trying to channel your inner siren. you lean forward slightly, look him in the eye, and speak in what you think is a sultry whisper. âwow, jay. you smell really⊠nice. like a tree.â
jay blinks. the room is dead silent for three seconds.
then, he lets out a sharp, breathless laugh, burying his face in his hands. âlike a tree? like a tree? oh my god, newbie, please tell me youâre joking.â
âitâs sandalwood!â you protest, your face instantly turning a furious shade of crimson as you grab his pillow again, though this time he anticipates it and firmly plants a hand on it before you can throw it. âyou literally smell like sandalwood and cedar! thatâs a tree!â
âyou sound like a park ranger,â jay groans, his shoulders shaking with laughter as he pulls the pillow out of your hands. âand your voice went all breathy and weird at the end, like you were running out of oxygen. i said drop your pitch, not sound like you have asthma.â
âi told you iâm bad at this!â you whine, burying your burning face in your hands. âthis is why iâm a virgin, jay. i have negative game.â
âhey, look at me,â jay says, his voice softening, though the vibrant amusement is still dancing in his dark eyes. he gently reaches out and taps your wrist until you drop your hands from your face. âitâs fine. thatâs why youâre here. letâs try it again, but donât think about the specific words. donât describe the scent. just focus on how it makes you feel. and keep the voice steady. smooth. try it.â
you take a deep breath, looking into his eyes. you wait a beat, letting the silence stretch just like he taught you in lesson one. then, keeping your voice low and stable, you say, âyou smell really good today. itâs distracting.â
jay pauses. his smirk falters for a fraction of a second, his eyes darkening just a tiny bit as he processes the delivery. a slow, appreciative smile replaces his laughter. âthere we go. thatâs the tone. smooth, grounded, a little bit dangerous. jake would literally lose his mind if you said that to him.â
a rush of pride swells in your chest. you actually did it.
âalright, now letâs add the physical element,â jay says, leaning back slightly but keeping his eyes locked onto yours. âinnocent touching is all about making it look accidental. it has to look accidental, but feel intentional. a brush of the shoulder when you laugh, a lingering touch on the arm when youâre emphasizing a point. it makes the moments stick, you know? letâs combine them. give me that same compliment, but this time, i want you to break the physical barrier.â
your heart restarts its frantic rhythm. touching him wasnât part of the original plan, but this is entirely safe â just an arm, just a shoulder. theoretical practice in action.
âokay,â you whisper.
you look at him. you focus on your breathing, trying to get rid of the tension in your shoulders. you lean in slightly, your eyes dropping to his lips before rising back to his eyes. you reach your hand out, your fingers trembling just a fraction, and gently brush your fingertips against his forearm, letting them linger on the soft fabric of his sleeve.
âyou smell really good today,â you say softly, your voice perfectly steady this time. âitâs distracting.â
you expect jay to pull back, or to laugh, or to give you another critique. instead, jay doesn't even flinch. he doesn't get nervous at all; if anything, the touch seems to ground him. his eyes track your hand on his arm, and then slowly, deliberately, he tilts his head, a devastatingly handsome, wicked grin pulling at his lips.
he doesn't break your touch. instead, he leans forward, bringing his face so close to yours that you can feel the warmth of his breath against your cheek.
âis it?â jay murmurs, his voice dropping an octave, completely turning the tables on you. âif you think my cologne is distracting, newbie⊠youâre never going to survive the rest of these lessons.â
your breath hitches completely. your heart thumps so hard against your ribs youâre certain he can hear it. heâs completely unbothered, completely in control, flirting back with an effortless grace that leaves you completely breathless.
âyou⊠you cheated,â you squeak out, frantically pulling your hand back and sitting straight up, your face hot enough to fry an egg. âyouâre not supposed to flirt back! youâre supposed to be jake!â
jay lets out a low, rich chuckle, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, looking immensely pleased with himself. âjake is going to flirt back, newbie. if a girl touched him like that and gave him that compliment, he wouldn't just sit there like a log. heâs going to lean in. you need to learn how to handle the counter-attack.â
you pout, crossing your arms defensively. âyouâre just showing off.â
âmaybe a little,â he admits, his eyes crinkling with that playful, arrogant charm. âbut you did great. seriously. the touch was perfect â light, lingering, just enough to make a guy notice. letâs try another one. this time, letâs practice the âlaugh and lean.â when i say something funny, you lean in, laugh naturally, and let your shoulder brush mine. letâs see if you can handle it without panicking.â
for the next hour, the room feels like a battlefield of tension and laughter. you practice over and over again. you try leaning in to whisper something âsecretiveâ in his ear, your breath brushing against his neck, which makes jayâs jaw tighten for a brief second before he recovers with a smooth, teasing remark. you practice brushing a stray piece of lint off his shoulder, letting your fingers drag slowly down his chest.
every time you do it well, jay praises you, his voice warm and encouraging, but he never lets you get too comfortable. he always pushes back â catching your wrist gently, leaning into your space, or dropping a low, dangerous compliment right back to test your boundaries. he doesn't get flustered, but you notice that as the lesson goes on, his jokes get a little quieter, his smirks a little softer, and his dark eyes stay locked onto yours with an intensity that makes it harder and harder to remember that this is just a game.
âalright,â jay finally says, his voice a bit rough as he checks his phone. âthatâs enough torturing you for one day.â
you sink back against his pillows, completely exhausted but tingling with a weird, electric energy. âi think i actually did okay today.â
âyou did better than okay,â jay says, standing up and looking down at you. he reaches out, and for a second, you think heâs going to tease you again, but instead, he gently runs his thumb over the side of your cheek, a surprisingly tender gesture that makes your heart stop. âyouâre a quick learner, newbie. jake wonât know what hit him.â
he pulls his hand back smoothly, leaving your skin tingling where his thumb had just been. he walks to the door, opening it with that signature, lazy smirk.
âgo home, get some rest. next lesson, weâre talking about kissing mechanics. try not to lose sleep over it.â
you scramble off the bed, grabbing your bag and practically running past him into the hallway, your heart hammering a frantic rhythm as his quiet laughter follows you down the corridor.
the next monday, youâre sitting in the back row of your lecture hall, pretending to take notes on a PowerPoint about microeconomics. in reality, youâve just been drawing mindless spirals in the margin of your notebook, your brain completely occupied by the memory of jayâs thumb brushing against your cheek.
ânext lesson, weâre talking about kissing mechanics.â
the memory of his low, rough voice echoes in your head, making you shiver despite the aggressive air conditioning in the auditorium.
suddenly, a sharp elbow digs into your ribs.
âyouâre doing a new thing,â yunjin whispers loudly, leaning over the shared desk. she has her laptop open, but instead of notes, she has a blank word document filled with a massive, stylized question mark. âthe âstaring into the abyss like youâre trying to decode the matrixâ thing. spill. now.â
âshh,â you hiss, keeping your eyes glued to the professor. âweâre in the middle of class.â
âthe professor is seventy-five and doesnât have his hearing aids turned up, babe. talk,â yunjin demands, sliding her chair a microscopic inch closer to yours. her eyes narrow, her strawberry lip gloss catching the fluorescent lights as she tilts her head. âitâs been days. youâve been acting weirdly quiet, you didnât spiral once this weekend, and youâve been practicing weirdly intense eye contact with the barista at the campus cafe. which means⊠the lessons started. how is jay park?â
your face immediately flares up, the heat rising rapidly from your neck to your cheeks. you grab your highlighter and aggressively color over a random definition on your paper. âitâs fine. itâs going fine.â
ââitâs fineâ does not make a girl turn the color of a fire hydrant,â yunjin points out, a massive, predatory grin spreading across her face. she leans in so close her coconut-scented hair brushes your shoulder. âoh my god. did you guys do it? did he break his rule? did you break the no-fucking clause already? details, give me details!â
âno! oh my god, no!â you whisper-yell, frantically looking around to see if any of the athletes in the row ahead of you heard. luckily, theyâre all asleep. you drop your voice to a desperate, tiny whisper. âwe didnât do anything. i told you, itâs completely theoretical. he promised.â
âokay, okay, keeping it professional. i respect it,â yunjin says, waving a dismissive hand, though her eyes are still dancing with intense curiosity. âso what exactly happens in a âtheoreticalâ sex lesson with jay park? does he use a whiteboard? powerpoint slides?â
âno,â you mumble, hiding the lower half of your face behind your hand. âhe⊠we just sit in his dorm. he makes me practice scenarios. the first lesson was just eye contact and light teasing. he basically told me i have the flirting skills of a cartoon villain.â
yunjin bursts out into a short, choked laugh, quickly covering her mouth with her sleeve when the professor coughs. âi mean, heâs not wrong, babe. remember freshman year when you tried to wink at that guy on the club team and looked like you were having a neurological event?â
âiâm better now!â you defend yourself, your voice tight. âjay fixed it. well, heâs fixing it. we had lesson two a couple days ago.â
yunjin leans in even closer, her notebook completely forgotten. âand? what was lesson two?â
âcompliments. voice tone. and⊠innocent touching,â you whisper, your chest tightening just thinking about it. âlike, leaning in and brushing his arm. or laughing and letting our shoulders touch.â
yunjinâs jaw literally drops. she stares at you, her eyes wide. âwait. you touched jay park? the guy who usually looks like heâll have you legally removed from his presence if you breathe his oxygen? how did he react? did he flinch?â
âno, thatâs the thing,â you groan, burying your face in your notebook for a second before looking back at her miserably. âhe didn't flinch at all. yunjin, heâs completely immune to me. when i gave him the compliment and touched his arm, i thought i did a really good job. i dropped my voice, i held his gaze, all of it. but then he just⊠he didn't even blink. he just leaned all the way into my face and flirted back. he said something like, âif you think my cologne is distracting, newbie, youâre never going to survive the rest of these lessons.ââ
yunjin lets out a low, silent gasp, her hands flying to her mouth. âoh my god. newbie? he calls you newbie? that is so disgustingly hot, i think iâm going to throw up.â
âitâs not hot, itâs terrifying!â you whined, chewing on the cap of your pen. âhe is so effortlessly in control of the room. every time i think iâm getting the hang of it, he just raises the stakes to test if iâll panic. he spent the whole hour praising me when i did it right, but then he'd immediately counter-attack to show me how a guy would react. by the end of it, my heart was beating so hard i thought i was going to pass out.â
yunjin studies your face, her playful demeanor shifting into something a bit more analytical, a small, knowing grin tugging at the corner of her lips. âand what about jake? are you thinking about jake when youâre doing all this?â
the question catches you completely off guard. you pause, your pen hovering over the paper.
âi⊠yeah,â you say, though the answer feels a little delayed, a little less certain than it should be. âof course i am. the whole point of this is so i donât ruin things with jake. i keep imagining using the tricks on him.â
âright. of course,â yunjin says softly, though the look she gives you is incredibly perceptive. she taps her chin. âso, whatâs next on the syllabus, student of the year?â
you swallow hard, the bell suddenly ringing to signal the end of the lecture. you pack your laptop into your bag with slightly trembling hands, refusing to look yunjin in the eye as you mutter the final detail.
yunjin pauses mid-stride as you both walk out into the crowded hallway, a massive, thrilled grin spreading across her face. âoh, babe. you are playing with actual fireworks. good luck surviving that one.â
-------
the next afternoon, you find yourself walking back up the stairs of the west quad. your nerves are completely fried, mostly because yunjinâs warning about "playing with fireworks" has been looping in your brain for the last twenty-four hours. kissing mechanics. the words alone make your pulse skyrocket.
when jay opens the door to room 314, heâs wearing a fitted black t-shirt and charcoal grey cargo pants. he looks you up and down, a faint, amused smile lingering on his lips. "come on in, newbie."
you step into the familiar, sandalwood-scented space and immediately drop your bag by his desk, hopping onto the edge of his bed. before he can even sit down in his usual chair, the words start spilling out of your mouth in an anxious rush.
"okay, so something happened," you blurts out, waving your hands around. "jake came up to me yesterday at the student union. he was wearing his soccer jersey and he literally leaned against my locker and told me my hair looked pretty."
jay pauses, capping his water bottle and looking at you with a raised eyebrow. "and? did you use the eye contact?"
"yes! i held his gaze for like, five whole seconds," you say proudly, leaning forward. "and then i tried to do the subtle, playful voice thing you taught me. i looked at his jersey and said, 'thanks, you don't look too bad yourself.' but jay, the second the words left my mouth, i panicked. i got so incredibly awkward. i think my shoulders went up to my ears, and i literally backed into the locker door so hard it made a loud clanging sound."
jay stares at you for a beat, and then he breaks. he covers his mouth with his hand, his shoulders shaking as a deep, breathless laugh escapes him. "you backed into a locker? newbie, please tell me you didn't."
"i did!" you groan, burying your face in his pillows. "it was terrible. but⊠the weird part is, it might not have ruined everything? heâs been texting me literally all day today. look."
you scramble to pull out your phone, unlocking it and flashing the screen at him. thereâs a string of text messages from jake, filled with emojis and casual questions about your week.
jay steps closer, leaning down slightly to look at the screen. his eyes scan the notifications, and a low, thoughtful hum hums in his throat. he straightens back up, crossing his arms over his chest, his playful smirk turning into a highly analytical expression.
"okay, first of all, the text volume is good. he's definitely hooked," jay says, tilting his head. "but based on your little locker incident, i'm officially changing the syllabus for today."
you peek up from the pillow. "wait, what? aren't we doing kissing mechanics today?"
"absolutely not," jay says smoothly, a wicked, completely teasing grin spreading across his sharp features. "no offense, newbie, but if you're still crashing into structural steel because a guy complimented your hair, you are legally not ready for the kissing lesson. you'd probably faint on him."
"hey!" you protest, sitting straight up and kicking your legs out, though you can't help the blush spreading across your face. "i was just caught off guard!"
"exactly. which is why we need to build your confidence up through texts and pictures first," jay says, walking over to his closet and leaning his shoulder against the frame. "given how much he's texting you right now, itâs the perfect opportunity. so, lesson three: how to dress sexier, body language upkeep, and sending suggestive texts and photos."
your jaw drops. "photos? like⊠selfies?"
"relax, i don't mean nudes," jay scoffs playfully, rolling his eyes. "i mean the kind of photos that make a guy stare at his phone for ten minutes straight. subtle hints. showing off your collarbone, an arched back, a casual half-smile. the kind of stuff that says 'i'm not trying,' even though you absolutely are."
he walks over to your bag and picks it up, tossing it onto the bed next to you. "dump it out. letâs see what clothes you brought today, and then we're going to fix your text game."
for the next hour, jay takes his role entirely too seriously. he makes you stand up to practice your posture â forcing your shoulders down, teaching you how to subtly arch your back when you're sitting so your silhouette looks sharper, and showing you how to cross your legs to elongate your frame.
then comes the text interrogation. he sits right next to you on the bed, his shoulder pressing against yours, looking over your screen as you type.
"no, delete that exclamation point. it makes you sound too eager," jay commands, his thumb reaching over to tap your screen. "type this instead: 'busy right now, but i might have time for you later.' it creates mystery. it makes him want to compete for your attention."
"isn't that a little mean?" you ask, looking up at him.
"it's not mean, it's a hook," jay murmurs, his dark eyes fixed on yours from mere inches away. "trust me. watch how fast he replies."
you hit send. less than thirty seconds later, jake replies: 'what are you up to? let me know when you're free x'.
you stare at the screen in absolute shock. "oh my god. you're a wizard."
"i'm a guy. i know how our brains work," jay smirks, entirely pleased with himself. "now, let's seal the deal. we're sending a photo. stand up."
you get up, your heart doing a nervous dance as jay picks up your phone. he walks you over to the full-length mirror hanging on the back of his door, positioning you just right where the warm afternoon light hits your face.
"your sweater is too high. pull it slightly off one shoulder," jay instructs, his voice dropping into that focused, professional tone.
you hesitantly tug the knit fabric down, exposing your collarbone. jay steps behind you, looking at your reflection in the mirror. he frowns slightly, stepping closer until his chest is almost pressed against your back. he reaches out, his warm, large hands gently gripping your waist to adjust your posture, tilting your hips just a fraction.
"don't look directly at the camera like a deer in headlights," jay murmurs near your ear, his breath hot against your skin. "look slightly down, tilt your chin up. think about something that makes you feel good."
your whole body feels like it's on fire from his touch. your reflection in the mirror shows your cheeks flushed a deep pink, your eyes dark and wide. jay raises your phone, snapping a few photos. he pulls away smoothly, scrolling through the gallery before handing the phone back to you.
you look at the screen and literally gasp. the photo doesn't even look like you. it looks incredibly soft, effortless, and undeniably sexy. your collarbone stands out, your lips are slightly parted, and the flush on your cheeks looks intentional.
"send him that one," jay says, leaning back against his desk and crossing his arms, watching your reaction with an intensely satisfied smirk. "and don't add a caption. just let him suffer."
you hit send, your hands shaking. almost instantly, the typing bubbles appear from jake's contact.
they bounce up and down, then disappear, then start up again. jake is clearly panicking on the other end, deleting and rewriting his response just like you had done nights ago.
jay steps closer, leaning over your shoulder to look down at the screen. his chest gently brushes your back, the warm, clean scent of his sandalwood cologne enveloping you completely. âlook at that,â he murmurs, his voice a low, vibrating rumble right next to your ear. âheâs losing his mind. i told you.â
finally, the text comes through.
jake: oh wow. you look really pretty. where are you?
you automatically start typing a reply, your fingers flying across the keyboard. iâm just hanging out at a friendâs dorm.
âstop, stop, stop,â jay says, his hand suddenly coming down over yours to physically halt your thumbs. his palms are warm and broad, completely wrapping around your hands. a jolt of electricity zaps straight up your arms. he doesn't pull away immediately; instead, he slowly guides your hands down, forcing you to lower the phone. âwhat did i say about theater-kid energy? youâre giving away too much information, newbie. youâre killing the mystery.â
âbut he asked where i am!â you protest, looking up at him over your shoulder. your faces are incredibly close, so close you can count the dark lashes framing his piercing eyes.
jay just smiles, that slow, devastatingly confident grin that makes him look entirely too in control. he reaches out and smoothly takes the phone right out of your fingers. âhe doesnât get to know where you are. he didn't earn that yet. right now, heâs sitting in his room staring at a photo of your bare shoulder. we need to lean into that.â
he taps the screen, typing out a message with one hand while keeping his eyes locked on yours. âif he asks where you are, you donât give him a location. you give him a tease.â
he turns the phone around to show you what he wrote.
you: somewhere youâre not. đ
your jaw drops. âjay! that is so forward! i can't say that!â
âyou didn't say it, i did. now watch,â he says, tapping send before you can grab the device back.
you watch the screen in an agony of suspense. the response from jake is almost instantaneous this time.
jake: thatâs not fair. maybe i want to be there.
your breath hitches. jake has never talked to you like this before. usually, his texts are sweet, casual, and safe. jayâs little formula is completely shifting the dynamic, turning a simple crush into a high-stakes game of cat and mouse.
âsee?â jay says, his tone dripping with playful smugness as he slides the phone back into your hands. he leans his hip against the edge of his desk, crossing his arms and looking down at you. âheâs chasing now. when a guy says âmaybe i want to be there,â heâs testing the waters. he wants to see if the door is open. so, what do you do?â
âi⊠i tell him he can come over?â you guess, completely out of your depth.
jay groans, tossing his head back dramatically. âno! god, newbie, youâre trying to speed-run this. if you invite him over now, youâre giving up all your power. you have to make him work for it. keep him on his toes.â
he steps back into your personal space, the playful arrogance in his eyes shifting into something focused and instructional. he grabs your chin gently between his thumb and forefinger, tilting your face up so youâre forced to look directly into his dark eyes.
âthis is the suggestive texting masterclass,â jay explains softly, his thumb lightly brushing the sensitive skin of your jawline. âyou always want to imply a double meaning. you want him to read your texts and wonder if youâre being totally innocent or incredibly dirty. it keeps his mind completely occupied with thoughts of you.â
he lets go of your chin, but the ghost of his touch leaves a burning trail on your skin. he points at your phone. âtype this: âi donât know, jake. iâm kind of a handful. not sure you could handle it.ââ
your fingers are practically sweating as you type out the words exactly as he dictated. you hit send.
the typing bubbles appear immediately.
jake: try me. iâm pretty good at handling things.
you let out a soft, choked gasp, completely floored by the sheer boldness of jake's reply. your face is burning hot, your heart hammering against your ribs. you look up at jay, wide-eyed and completely breathless. âoh my god. it worked. it actually worked.â
jay doesn't look surprised at all. if anything, heâs studying your reaction with an intense, quiet curiosity. his eyes drop to your flushed cheeks, then down to your parted lips, before slowly rising back to meet your gaze. the playful, teasing smirk slowly fades from his face, replaced by a heavy, unreadable expression.
âof course it worked,â jay murmurs, his voice suddenly dropping into a low, gravelly register that vibrates straight through your chest. he steps a fraction closer, completely erasing the distance between you until your clothes are almost brushing. âyouâre a beautiful girl, newbie. when you actually give a guy a green light, heâs going to run straight through it.â
the air in the dorm room becomes completely stagnant, thick with a sudden, suffocating wave of tension. jay is looking at you with an intensity that has absolutely nothing to do with jake sim. his gaze feels heavy, physical, like a hand tracing the curve of your neck. for a terrifying, thrilling second, you forget all about your phone, all about jakeâs texts, and all about the rules of these lessons.
you stare up at him, your heart in your throat, completely paralyzed by how easily he can shift the gravity in the room.
jay holds your gaze for one more lingering, breathless second. then, just as quickly as it appeared, the heavy tension snaps. a lazy, familiar smirk creeps back onto his sharp features, and he steps back, breaking the spell.
âalright, lock your phone,â jay says, tapping the top of your head playfully. âthatâs enough digital damage for today. leave him on read for a few hours. let him stew in his own thoughts while he waits for you to reply.â
you quickly lock your screen, nodding dumbly as you try to force your lungs to remember how to breathe normally.
âlesson three concluded,â jay says, walking over to the door and swinging it open, looking entirely unbothered by the emotional hurricane he just caused in your chest. he gives you a sharp, teasing wink. ânext time, newbie⊠weâre finally doing kissing mechanics. donât forget to practice your posture before then.â
-------
four days pass, and your life feels like it has been completely split into two entirely different realities.
on one side of the screen, thereâs the jake sim reality. and to your absolute shock, jayâs blueprint is working flawlessly. jake has been pursuing you with a fervor that leaves you dizzy. when you see him on campus now, he doesn't just give you a sweet, friendly wave from across the quad. he actively detours to walk with you to class. when you talk, his eyes don't wander; they stay locked onto your face, and he looks at you with this intense, focused hunger that makes your stomach do backflips.
last night, he texted you out of nowhere at 11:00 p.m. just to say he saw a sweater in a store window that reminded him of the photo you sent, adding a little tongue-in-cheek comment about how he's still waiting to find out where "somewhere you're not" is.
it's everything you wanted. you're finally getting the boy youâve been pining over since freshman orientation. you should be ecstatic. you should be texting yunjin in a flurry of capital letters and celebratory emojis.
but instead, you find yourself staring at your bedroom ceiling in the dead of night, feeling completely untethered.
the truth is a terrifying, heavy weight in your chest, and admitting it to yourself feels like standing on the edge of a cliff. because every time jake texts you, a tiny, dark voice in the back of your mind whispers that it isnât actually your game heâs falling for. itâs jayâs. youâre just the actress reciting lines written by a boy who understands the mechanics of desire like the back of his hand.
and then there's the next lesson.
kissing mechanics.
your stomach drops into a cold abyss every time you think about it. youâre terrified. actual, physical kissing is a universe away from just holding eye contact or letting your shoulders brush during a laugh. it means jayâs hands on you. it means his face inches from yours, his lips touching yours, his sharp jawline, his heavy, low breathing. even if itâs entirely "theoretical" â even if he's just using his fingers to map out where to press or demonstrating the pacing on a pillow or explaining the biology of how a guy reacts â the mere thought of being that close to him makes your chest tighten until it hurts.
but beneath the suffocating layers of panic, there is an even darker, more humiliating truth that you barely have the courage to acknowledge in the privacy of your own head.
you were disappointed.
when you walked into room 314 a few days ago, fully braced for the kissing lesson, your heart had been pounding because you thought you were finally going to cross that terrifying physical threshold with him. and when jay had laughed, called you a newbie, and casually pushed the lesson back because you "weren't ready," a sudden, sharp pang of rejection had sliced right through you.
you had spent the rest of that afternoon acting annoyed and pouty, but deep down, your skin had been practically begging for the exact thing you claimed to be afraid of. you had wanted him to look at you and decide you were ready. you had wanted to know what his lips felt like, even if it was just a clinical demonstration.
it's a dangerous, toxic thought. jay is your tutor. heâs sunghoonâs best friend, a guy known for his selective, zero-strings-attached reputation, and he is actively helping you construct a trap to catch jake. confusing your feelings now would be absolute social suicide. it would ruin everything.
you roll onto your side, pulling your blanket tightly around your shoulders as you look at your phone. tomorrow afternoon is the day. there are no more text modules left to practice. no more posture corrections or wardrobe updates.
tomorrow, you have to look jay park in the eye and let him teach you how to kiss.
and as you close your eyes, trying to force yourself to sleep, you realize with a jolt of pure panic that you aren't sure which reality you're more afraid of anymore: the one where you finally kiss jake sim, or the one where you have to watch jay pull away from you when the lesson is over.
-------
the rain is drumming a steady rhythm against the glass of room 314 when you walk in. the afternoon light is weak, casting the dorm in a hazy, intimate shadow that immediately makes your throat feel dry. jay is sitting on the edge of his bed, his legs spread, hands loosely clasped between his knees. heâs wearing a soft, oversized gray crewneck sweater, looking entirely relaxed, while your nerves are stretched so tight theyâre practically screaming.
âwelcome back, newbie,â jay says, his voice softer than usual, matching the quiet hum of the rain. he tracks your movement as you set your bag down, his eyes lingering on your tense shoulders. âyou look like youâre walking to the gallows.â
âiâm just⊠anticipating,â you mumble, sitting on the opposite end of the bed, pulling your knees to your chest.
jay watches you for a beat, a faint, understanding smile touching his lips. âright. lesson four. kissing mechanics.â he shifts, leaning back against his headboard, his expression turning professional, though his dark eyes retain that sharp, observant glint. âbefore we start, a reminder of the rules. we agreed on a strict blueprint. entirely theoretical. no physical interaction. iâm here to give you the breakdown so you can take it to jake. clear?â
âclear,â you say. you try to sound relieved. you try to make your voice bright and cooperative. but a small, involuntary drop in your tone betrays you, a tiny hesitation that doesnât escape his notice. a sudden, heavy wave of disappointment washes through you, sharp and humiliating, and you hate yourself for feeling it. you should be grateful for the boundary, but your skin feels suddenly cold.
jayâs eyes narrow slightly, analyzing the split-second change in your expression, but he doesn't comment on it. instead, he clears his throat and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
âalright. letâs break down the mechanics,â jay begins, his voice dropping into that low, gravelly register that always makes your pulse spike. âkissing isnât just about the lips, newbie. if you just dive in, itâs clumsy. it starts with the pacing. when jake leans in, you donât rush to meet him halfway. you let him do the work. you tilt your chin up, keep your lips slightly parted â just a fraction â and breathe out softly. it signals invitation.â
you nod, trying to memorize the words, but your brain is panicking because jay is demonstrating the head tilt himself, his sharp jawline defining itself in the dim amber light of his desk lamp.
âwhen the actual contact happens, you start slow,â jay continues, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that feels almost physical. âitâs a gentle pressure. one lip tucked between his. you hold it for a beat, let the warmth build, and then you shift. itâs a rhythm. you use your hands â remember lesson two? â you let your fingers rest right on the side of his neck, just below the jaw. your thumb rests on his cheekstone. it stabilizes the movement, and it drives a guy absolutely crazy because it feels grounding.â
as he speaks, jay mimics the hand placement in the air, his long, elegant fingers moving with a slow grace that makes you track them like a hawk. the air in the room is growing increasingly thick, the space between you on the mattress suddenly feeling incredibly small.
ânow,â jay murmurs, his gaze dropping to your lips for a heavy, unhurried second before rising back to your eyes. âletâs practice the approach. the build-up of tension right before the lips touch is fifty percent of the kiss. if you panic there, the whole thing is ruined.â
he slides down the mattress, closing the distance between you until heâs sitting cross-legged directly in front of you. your knees are practically brushing.
âiâm going to act as if iâm going to kiss you,â jay instructs softly, his playful arrogance completely gone, replaced by a quiet, suffocating gravity. âiâm going to get close. your job is to hold eye contact, keep your breathing steady, and do not pull away. understand?â
âyes,â you whisper, your heart hammering so loudly against your ribs youâre certain he can hear it.
âlook at me,â he commands gently.
you look up. jay leans in slowly.
the world outside the window completely ceases to exist. his movements are deliberate, agonizingly drawn out, giving your brain time to register every single detail. you see the dark depth of his eyes, the slight curve of his nose, the perfect, soft shape of his lips. he tilts his head to the side, a fraction of an inch, mapping out the angle perfectly.
closer. you can smell the rich, intoxicating scent of his sandalwood cologne mixed with the clean scent of his skin.
closer. his chest is almost touching yours, the warmth radiating off his body enveloping you in a heat wave. your breath catches in your throat, your lips parting automatically, exactly the way he taught you. your eyes flutter, desperately wanting to close, but you force them to stay open, locked onto his.
he stops.
his lips are barely half an inch from yours. you can feel the literal heat of his breath brushing against your skin, hovering right over your mouth. the tension in the microscopic space between you is a physical, electric current, pulling at you, begging you to lean forward just a millimeter to erase the agony of the distance. your heart is in your throat. you are completely paralyzed, drowning in the proximity of him.
jay stays perfectly still for three agonizing, breathless seconds, his gaze raking over your eyes, your nose, your trembling mouth. his jaw tightens, a sudden, fierce flash of hunger crossing his features before he forces it down.
slowly, deliberately, jay pulls back. the sudden rush of cool air between you feels like a physical shock. he sits straight up, clearing his throat, though his breathing is visibly shallower than it was five minutes ago.
âjust like that,â jay says, his voice a little rough, a little strained. âyou held the gaze. you didn't panic. do that with jake, and heâllââ
the mention of jakeâs name feels like a bucket of ice water, snapping something inside you. you look at jay â at his parted lips, his flushed neck, the sheer, unbothered control heâs trying to fake â and a sudden, reckless wave of desperation overrides every single rule, every single boundary, and every shred of your common sense.
and then something you would've never expected comes out of your mouth:
âjay, can you give me a practical example?â
the words hang in the air. jay freezes, his usual smirk vanishing. and for the first time since you walked into room 314, jay park looks completely caught off guard. his dark eyes widen just a fraction, his posture locking up as he stares at you in absolute silence. he stares at your face like heâs waiting for you to say youâre joking. the only sound in the room is the sound of the rain against the windowpane.
âwhat?â he asks, his voice a low, gravelly rasp. he tilts his head, blinking down at you like heâs entirely convinced his ears are playing tricks on him. âwhat did you just say, newbie?â
the sudden realization of what just tumbled out of your mouth hits you like a physical blow. your stomach plummets, and a fierce, blinding heat instantly erupts across your cheeks, burning all the way down to your neck. you instinctively try to pull your knees tighter to your chest, wanting nothing more than to shrink into a microscopic atom and disappear into the mattress.
âi⊠um,â you squeak out, your voice dropping to a mortified, breathless whisper. you look down at your hands, your fingers frantically twisting the fabric of your pajama pants. âi said⊠can you give me a practical example? like⊠a real one.â
jay doesn't move. he just stays cross-legged in front of you, absorbing your words. then, slowly, the shock on his face melts away. a brilliant, wicked, and entirely amused grin spreads across his sharp features. he lets out a low, rich chuckle that vibrates deep in his chest, leaning back slightly on his hands as he studies your purple face.
âwow,â jay murmurs, his tone dripping with pure, unadulterated amusement. âthe quiet girl strikes again. you really are full of surprises, aren't you?â
âstop laughing at me!â you whine, hiding your face in your hands. your heart is beating so hard you can feel it in your teeth. âiâm being serious! iâm trying to be logical about this!â
âlogical?â jay teases, his voice filled with a quiet, shaking laughter. he reaches out and gently, but firmly, tugs your wrists away from your face so youâre forced to look at him. he doesn't let go of your hands, keeping his fingers loosely looped around your wrists. âokay, professor. please, explain the logic to me. iâm dying to hear this.â
you swallow hard, your eyes darting everywhere but his lips. you try to summon every ounce of justification your panicked brain can manufacture.
âwell⊠because!â you stammer, your voice incredibly shy, filled with an embarrassed pitch. âyou said it yourself! you said kissing is all about the rhythm and the pacing. andâ and you said if i panic during the approach, the whole thing is ruined! how am i supposed to know if iâm going to panic with jake if i haven't actually practiced the real thing? what if my timing is completely off? what if i accidentally bump teeth with him, jay? that would be traumatizing!â
jay listens to your anxious, stuttering speech, his eyes crinkling warmly at the corners. he looks incredibly smug, entirely enjoying how completely flustered you are.
âso,â jay says slowly, a lazy, teasing purr in his voice as he lightly squeezes your wrists. âlet me get this straight. purely for educational purposes⊠for my duties as your instructor⊠you think we should break the non-physical clause. for the sake of science.â
âyes!â you whisper-yell, your face burning hotter, if that was even physically possible. âitâs just⊠a hands-on lab! like chemistry class! it makes perfect sense!â
âchemistry, huh?â jay echoes, his voice dropping an octave, the vibrant laughter in his eyes shifting into something much darker, much more intense.
he slowly releases your wrists, but he doesn't move back. instead, he slides even closer on the mattress, completely invading your personal space until the heat radiating from his body wraps around you like a blanket. the playful, mocking expression of his face softens into something dangerous.
âyouâre a terrible liar, newbie,â jay murmurs, his eyes dropping to your parted lips, staring at them for a long, unhurried second before rising back to yours. âyouâre not thinking about jake simâs teeth right now. and youâre definitely not thinking about science.â
your breath hitches completely, your voice trapped in your throat.
âbutâŠâ jay whispers, his hand slowly rising to cup the side of your face, his broad palm warm against your burning cheek, his thumb gently resting right on your cheekbone â exactly where he had just described a minute ago. âif youâre really that worried about failing your practical exam⊠i guess your teacher is just going to have to show you how itâs done.â
jay doesn't give you a chance to think, to backtrack, or to let the embarrassment completely swallow you whole.
his fingers anchor themselves gently behind your neck, his thumb still resting right on your cheekbone, stabilizing you exactly the way he had mapped out verbally just moments before. he leans in, but there is no hesitation this time. the agonizing half-inch of space between your lips vanishes in a split second.
when his lips first touch yours, a gasp catches in your throat, and jay uses that exact fraction of a second to deepen the pressure. his lips are incredibly soft but firm, moving against yours with a practiced, devastating slow rhythm. a full-body shiver ripples through you, your hands automatically reaching out to clutch at the fabric of his soft gray sweater just to keep yourself grounded.
âbreathe, newbie,â jay whispers against your mouth, his voice a low, rough vibration that sends a jolt of pure electricity straight down your spine. âdon't hold your breath. follow me, don't overthink it.â
he pulls back just a millimeter, letting the cool air hit your wet lips before tilting his head to a slightly different angle and sliding right back in. it's a gentle, heavy pressure. he tucks your lower lip between his, sucking on it so softly it makes a quiet, embarrassing sound echo in the quiet dorm room. you try to copy the movement, your lips parting a little more as you attempt to match his pace.
âthere you go,â jay murmurs, his hot breath fanning across your skin as he praises you mid-kiss. his hand slides from your neck down to your shoulder, his broad palm squeezing gently through your clothes. âkeep your hands right there. stay relaxed. youâre doing perfect.â
he leads you flawlessly, controlling the entire gravity of the moment. every time you feel like you're about to lose your mind from the sheer intensity of it, jay slows things down, lingering in a soft, pressing rhythm that lets you catch up. your eyes have completely fluttered shut now, the darkness making the sensation of his lips, his warm hands, and the intoxicating scent of his sandalwood cologne a thousand times more overwhelming. you lose all track of time, completely drowning in the heat of his mouth, forgetting about the rain outside, forgetting about the syllabus, forgetting about everything.
when jay finally draws back, he does it slowly, his lips brushing against yours one last time before he fully breaks the contact.
the sudden loss of warmth leaves you feeling completely dazed. you slowly blink your eyes open, your chest heaving as you try to force air back into your lungs. jay is still hovering inches away from your face. his dark hair is slightly messy, his own breathing is visibly shallower, and his usually perfectly composed lips are a dark, flushed red. heâs staring down at you with a heavy, unreadable gaze that is entirely devoid of his usual playful arrogance.
for three long seconds, neither of you says a word.
then, reality comes crashing back down on you with the force of a tidal wave.
oh my god. you just kissed jay park. you practically begged him to do it. you used a fake excuse about "science" and "chemistry class" just to get him to put his hands on you.
a massive, blinding wave of mortification slaps you across the face. your cheeks explode into a furious, bright purple flush. you instantly let go of his sweater as if it had turned into white-hot iron, scrambling backward on the mattress until your back hits his headboard. you pull your knees all the way to your chest, burying your face completely in your arms, a small, choked groan escaping your throat.
âhey,â jayâs smooth voice breaks the silence, a soft, familiar chuckle bubbling up in his chest. you hear the mattress shift as he slides closer to you. âwhat are you hiding for? youâre the one who demanded a practical exam, professor.â
âplease donât look at me,â you whine into your knees, your voice incredibly muffled and strained with pure embarrassment. âi am going to jump out of that window. i am actually going to die right here on your bed.â
âdonât die yet, we still have to grade you,â jay teases, his tone dropping into that lazy, effortless purr. you feel his long fingers gently tap the top of your head. âcome on, look up. i promise i wonât tease you too bad.â
you slowly, hesitantly lift your chin just enough to peek at him through the gap in your arms. jay is sitting right there, leaning his elbow on his knee with his chin resting in his palm, watching you with an incredibly amused, knowing grin.
âso,â jay murmurs, his dark eyes locking onto your wide, panicked ones. âhow was the lesson? did it help clarify the mechanics for you?â
âi⊠yes,â you squeak out, your face still burning hot.
you pull your arms tighter around your legs, your heart still hammering a rushed rhythm against your ribs. you are completely, thoroughly embarrassed â more humiliated than you have ever been in your entire life. but beneath the suffocating layers of shyness, as you look at jay's slightly curved lips, you feel a terrifyingly honest truth settling deep in your chest.
you liked it. you liked it a lot. in fact, you liked it so much that the mere thought of taking these newly learned "mechanics" and using them on jake sim suddenly felt entirely, completely impossible.
-------
you keep your mouth shut. you donât tell yunjin. in fact, you donât tell a single living soul.
when you get back to your shared apartment that evening, yunjin is sitting on the kitchen counter eating dry cereal straight from the box, her eyes instantly narrowing into little laser beams the second the front door clicks shut. you quickly mutter something about having a massive headache from the library lights, sprint into your bedroom, and lock the door behind you. if you open your mouth, even just to breathe, youâre terrified the taste of jayâs strawberry-and-mint lip balm will somehow manifest in the air and give you away.
you spend the next two days in a state of absolute, localized hysteria.
the embarrassment is a physical weight, pressing down on your chest until you feel lightheaded. you can't stop replaying the feeling of his broad palm cradling your jaw, the specific, gravelly pitch of his voice when he whispered âbreathe, newbie,â and the agonizingly soft, rhythmic pull of his lips against yours. you had loved it. you had loved it so much that just thinking about it while sitting in a Tuesday morning lecture makes your stomach do a violent, hot flip.
and thatâs not even the worst part. the worst part â the thing that is currently keeping you awake at 3:00 a.m. staring at your ceiling fan â is how the lesson had actually ended.
right before you had practically bolted out of his dorm room, your face still a catastrophic shade of purple, jay had stood by the door with his hands shoved casually into his cargo pants. he had looked down at you, that slow, devastatingly handsome smirk firmly back in place, and murmured: âsince you passed your practical exam with such high marks, newbie⊠iâll let you call the shots for lesson five. it can be anything you want. think about it.â
anything you want.
how are you supposed to walk back into room 314 on thursday afternoon, look jay park in his incredibly symmetrical, aristocratic face, and say: 'oh, yeah, hi, remember how i said i wanted to learn for science? well, the science was great, can we please just make out for another hour?'
you canât. you literally cannot do that. it would destroy the flimsy, pathetic shield of "educational purposes" youâve been hiding behind. it would mean admitting that you aren't a student trying to impress jake sim anymore; it would mean admitting that jay has completely, effortlessly rewired your brain in the span of three weeks.
you stare at the screen, your thumb hovering over the keyboard. a week ago, a text like that would have made you scream into your pillow. itâs exactly what you wanted. itâs a direct reference to the tease jay helped you send him. but now, looking at the letters, all you can think about is jayâs chest pressed against your back, his warm hands adjusting your waist in front of the mirror, and his low voice telling you to let him suffer.
when you reply with a simple, sweet 'awkward timing, i'm stuck in a study group! next time x', it feels like youâre writing a script for a play youâve completely lost interest in starring in.
by thursday afternoon, your anxiety has reached a fever pitch. you change your sweater twice, eventually settling on a high-necked, oversized crewneck that offers absolutely zero skin-to-air vulnerability. you walk up the stairs of the west quad like a prisoner marching to the electric chair, your knees feeling strangely hollow.
when you reach room 314, you stand outside the heavy wooden door for a full sixty seconds, your hand raised to knock, your heart hammering a rushed rhythm against your ribs.
just be normal, you tell yourself, closing your eyes tightly. ask him to practice advanced flirting. ask him to break down how to read body language across a crowded room. do not look at his mouth. do not think about his hands.
you take one final, deep breath, brace your shoulders, and knock.
the door swings open, and jay is standing there looking entirely too comfortable in a soft cream-colored knit sweater and dark trousers. his eyes immediately lock onto yours, his gaze dropping to your high-necked crewneck before rising back to your face with a slow, knowing amusement.
âwell, look who it is,â jay says, stepping back to let you into the room. the door closes behind you with a quiet, solid click that feels incredibly final. âcome on in, newbie. i was starting to think youâd skipped town.â
âi wouldnât skip town,â you mumble, keeping your eyes trained firmly on his desk as you walk past him. you sit on the very edge of his bed, your posture rigid and stiff, your hands tightly clasped in your lap.
jay doesn't sit in his desk chair this time. instead, he walks over and leans his hip against the edge of the mattress, just a couple of feet away from you. he crosses his arms, tilting his head as his sharp, observant eyes trace the tense line of your shoulders, the frantic way your fingers are twitching, and the obvious blush already coloring your cheeks.
âalright,â jay murmurs, his voice low and conversational. âlesson five. youâre calling the shots today. whatâs on the agenda, professor? more chemistry labs, or are we pivoting?â
you clear your throat aggressively, trying to sound as clinical and professional as possible. âi think⊠i think we should practice advanced flirting. like, body language across a crowded room, or how to subtly command attention in a group conversation. i think thatâs a really logical next step for jake.â
jay doesn't say anything for a long, agonizing beat. he just stands there, watching you stumble over your words. then, a slow, dangerous smile spreads across his lips, his eyes glinting with pure, unadulterated mischief. he knows you're lying. he can see right through your pathetic little shield, and he is clearly planning on playing dirty.
âadvanced flirting in a crowd,â jay repeats smoothly, nodding his head as if heâs taking you completely seriously. âokay. sure. letâs practice that. but you know, advanced flirting isnât just about looking across a room, newbie. itâs about what you do when you finally get close to someone in a crowded, loud space. when the music is too loud and you have to make them listen to only you.â
before you can even process his words, jay moves.
he slides onto the bed, shifting his weight until he is sitting directly beside you. his thigh presses flush against yours, the heavy, intoxicating warmth of his body immediately enveloping you. your breath hitches, your entire body going completely rigid as you stare straight ahead, terrified to look at him.
âletâs set the scene,â jay whispers, his voice dropping into a low, gravelly register that vibrates straight through the mattress. he leans in closer, his chest brushing against your arm. âweâre at a busy bar. the music is throwing heavy bass. jake is standing right next to you, but there are people everywhere, pushing into your space. if you just talk normally, he won't hear you. you have to close the distance.â
he leans over, his face entering your peripheral vision. you bite your lip, staring straight ahead at his closet door, your heart hammering so violently against your ribs it feels painful.
then, jay eliminates the space entirely.
he leans over your shoulder, his chest pressing firmly against your back. he tilts his head, burying his face right in the crook of your neck, just an inch away from your sensitive skin. his hot, heavy breath fans out across your jawline and the side of your neck, sending a violent, electric shiver straight down your spine. you let out a soft, helpless gasp, your fingers tightly gripping the fabric of your own sweater.
âif you want him to notice you,â jay murmurs, his lips brushing against the tiny hairs on your neck as he speaks, his voice a devastatingly hot, quiet rumble right against your ear, âyou donât shout over the noise. you lean in. right here. where itâs quiet.â
you can feel the warmth of his lips moving, the heat of his skin radiating into yours. the air in the room is completely gone, replaced by the suffocating, heavy scent of his sandalwood cologne. your mind is a chaotic, blurred mess; you canât think about jake, you canât think about advanced flirting, you canât think about anything other than the agonizing friction of jayâs body pressed against yours.
âand then,â jay continues softly, his hand slowly rising to rest on the curve of your waist, his large palm squeezing gently through your thick sweater, anchoring you to him, âyou tell him something confidential. something that makes him forget the entire room exists.â
he lingers there for an agonizing, breathless three seconds, his breath hot against your ear, letting the agonizing tension build until youâre practically trembling under his touch. youâre completely paralyzed, your lips parted, waiting, secretly begging for him to just turn your face and kiss you again.
instead, jay slowly draws his head back just a fraction. he doesn't move his body away, keeping his chest pressed to your back and his hand firmly on your waist, but he tilts his head so he can look at the side of your face. his eyes are dark, intense.
âbut we aren't at a crowded bar, newbie,â jay whispers, his voice dropping even lower, turning into something raw and fiercely honest. his thumb rubs a slow circle into your waist. âitâs just you and me in a quiet room. and your shoulders are up to your ears because youâre lying to me.â
you swallow hard, a shaky breath escaping your lips.
jay leans in just a millimeter closer, his lips almost brushing your earlobe. âso stop playing games with me. look at me and tell me what you really want to do for lesson five.â
you swallow hard, the feel of his thumb rubbing slow, deliberate circles through the fabric of your sweater making it completely impossible to form a coherent thought. your gaze is frozen on the wrinkled blankets of his bed, your pulse hammering a rapid rhythm in your ears. jay doesn't move. he stays right there, his chest warm against your back, his breath a steady, intoxicating heat against the side of your neck, patiently waiting you out.
"i'm waiting, newbie," he murmurs, his voice a low, teasing purr that completely undoes the last shred of your resolve.
"i... i want to practice kissing again," you blurts out, the words rushing out of you in a desperate, breathless squeak.
the hand on your waist pauses for a fraction of a second. jay doesn't immediately pull back, but you can feel the slight shift in his posture, the way his jaw tightens against your hair. you quickly scramble to cover your track, the sheer embarrassment forcing your brain into overdrive as you try to construct a pathetic safety net of logic.
"becauseâ because of the mechanics!" you stammer quickly, your voice dropping to a mortified whisper as you twist your fingers together. "the last time... i was entirely caught off guard, jay. and i felt like i was completely awful at it. i didn't know where to put my hands, and my timing was definitely off, and... and if i'm going to be ready for jake, i need to actually make sure i can do the rhythm properly without freezing up. itâs just for the lesson. for practice."
the silence that follows is thick enough to cut with a knife. for three agonizing seconds, youâre entirely convinced youâve gone too far, that heâs going to laugh at your transparent excuse and tell you the lesson is over.
then, slowly, jay draws back.
you force yourself to turn your head, your cheeks burning a bright, furious pink as you look at him. jay is studying your face, his dark eyes incredibly heavy and focused. the playful, arrogant smirk you expected isn't there; instead, his lips are parted slightly, his gaze dropping to your mouth before rising back to meet your eyes with an intensity that makes your breath catch.
"for practice," he echoes, his voice a low, gravelly rumble that vibrates straight to your core.
"yes," you whisper.
"alright," jay murmurs, his tone shifting into something thick and serious. he slides closer, crossing his legs so heâs sitting directly in front of you, completely erasing the distance. "if weâre going to fix your rhythm, we need to do it right. look at me."
you lift your chin, your eyes locking onto his. jay doesn't hesitate this time. his large, warm hand rises, his long fingers sliding effortlessly into the hair at the back of your neck, his thumb anchoring right on your jawline to tilt your face up. he leans in, and before your brain can even register the proximity, his lips are pressing firmly against yours.
the contact is an immediate shock of heat. unlike the brief practical exam from days ago, jay doesn't start with a gentle question. he slides his lips over yours with a slow, heavy confidence, guiding your mouth to open slightly with a soft, persistent pressure.
"put your hands on my shoulders," jay whispers directly against your mouth, his breath hot and ragged as he pulls back just a millimeter to give the instruction. "don't just let them hang there. hold onto me."
your hands shake as you lift them, your fingers clutching tightly at the soft cream fabric of his knit sweater. the moment your palms make contact with his broad shoulders, jay lets out a low, approving hum deep in his throat. he tilts his head to the opposite angle, his lips sealing over yours again, deepening the kiss with a slow, agonizingly deliberate pace.
he teaches you through the movement itself. when your movements get too rushed or frantic from the sheer panic of how good it feels, jay uses the firm grip on the back of your neck to slow you down, lingering in a heavy, pressing rhythm that forces you to match his breath. his tongue lightly brushes against your bottom lip, a subtle, electrifying hint that makes a quiet, helpless sound escape your throat. jay catches the sound, his thumb stroking the sensitive skin of your jawline, pulling you closer until your chest is completely pressed against his.
the "practice kiss" begins to stretch, the boundaries of the lesson blurring until the air in the dorm room feels thick and heavy with a sudden, suffocating wave of genuine friction. it isn't just a clinical demonstration anymore. his lips are moving against yours with a raw, unhurried hunger, his breathing turning shallow and rough against your cheek. your fingers tangle deeper into the knit of his sweater, your body leaning entirely into his warmth, completely lost in the intoxicating taste of him. itâs a full-on makeout, a lingering, breathless collision that has absolutely nothing to do with jake sim.
suddenly, as if realizing exactly how far the line has been crossed, jay stiffens.
he pulls away, his hand sliding out of your hair as he abruptly breaks the contact.
the sudden loss of his warmth leaves you gasping for air, your lips tingling and flushed a deep red. you scramble back a few inches, your heart thumping violently against your ribs as reality comes crashing down on you like ice water.
the silence in the room is deafening, save for the sound of your ragged breathing. jay is sitting right in front of you, his dark hair completely messy from your fingers, his chest heaving under his sweater. he looks completely ungrounded, his eyes staring down at his own hands for a long, heavy beat before he finally forces himself to look up at you.
the atmosphere is thick with a sharp, suffocating awkwardness. both of you are completely aware that that wasn't on the syllabus.
jay clears his throat, his hand rising to rub the back of his neck as he shifts slightly on the mattress, trying desperately to summon his usual composed, unbothered demeanor.
âthat was⊠good,â jay says, his voice rough, strained, and completely lacking its usual playful smugness. he avoids looking directly at your lips, his dark eyes focusing on your forehead instead as he slides off the bed and stands up. âyour timing is⊠itâs fine. weâll work on it.â
the minute those words leave jayâs mouth, the spell breaks entirely. you don't even wait for him to officially dismiss you. you practically scramble off the edge of his bed, your sneakers skidding slightly on the hardwood floor of his dorm as you snatch your tote bag from his desk chair with trembling hands.
âiâ i have to go,â you stammer, your voice a high, frantic squeak that you barely recognize. you can't even look him in the eye; your gaze is glued to the door handle as you sprint toward it. âi have⊠a study group. and a paper. thank you for the lesson!â
you yank the door open and fling yourself out into the hallway, slamming it shut behind you before jay can even utter a response.
the walk â or rather, the hyperventilating run â back to your apartment is a blur of pure, unadulterated panic. your chest feels incredibly tight, your lungs burning as the cool evening air hits your face, but it does absolutely nothing to cool the raging fire still burning on your lips. your lips are tingling, slightly swollen, and heavy with the undeniable taste of him.
itâs for jake, you tell yourself, your fingers gripping the straps of your tote bag so tightly your knuckles turn a stark, ghostly white. itâs entirely for jake.
you turn the corner past the campus library, your breath coming in short, ragged gasps as you mentally repeat the words like a sacred mantra. the only reason i asked him to do that is because jake is going to kiss me soon. yunjin said jay is the best teacher. i just needed hands-on experience so i donât humiliate myself when jake finally makes a move. itâs an educational baseline. thatâs all it is.
but the anxious pacing of your thoughts only gets faster, louder, and more desperate.
if i didn't practice with jay, i would have frozen up with jake. jay was just correcting my rhythm. he said my timing was fine. so now, when jake kisses me, itâs going to be perfect. iâm doing this to save my future with jake. jay is just an instrument. a tutor. a textbook.
you push open the heavy glass door to your apartment building, practically taking the stairs two at a time because the elevator feels too slow, too claustrophobic for the storm currently raging inside your head.
it doesn't matter that my heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. it doesn't matter that i forgot how to breathe. it doesn't matter that i wanted him to keep going. you reach your front door, fumbling blindly with your keys, your hands shaking so violently that the metal clicks loudly against the lock. itâs for jake. itâs all for jake sim. it has to be.
you unlock the door and burst inside, instantly slamming it behind you and leaning your back against the wood, letting out a long, shaky exhale. the apartment is dark and quiet â yunjin isn't home yet â which is a blessing, because if she took one look at your wild eyes and bitten lips, she would know instantly that you didn't just practice advanced flirting.
you drop your bag on the floor and walk straight into the bathroom, flicking on the harsh overhead light. you lean over the sink and stare at your reflection in the mirror.
your cheeks are still flushed a deep, telltale crimson. your hair is slightly unruly where jay's fingers had tangled into it, and your lips are undeniably darker, stung red from the heavy, lingering pressure of his mouth. you look completely undone. you look like a girl who just got thoroughly made out with by jay park.
your phone suddenly buzzes in your pocket, the sharp vibration making you jump.
with a racing heart, you pull it out. a notification blocks the screen.
jake: hey! just finished soccer practice. totally random, but are you free to grab dinner tomorrow night? just the two of us? đ
you stare at the glowing text, the emojis, the sweet, easy invitation from the boy youâve been dreaming about for months. itâs the exact moment youâve been working toward. the ultimate goal. the reason you embarrassed yourself, the reason you sent the photos, the reason you walked into room 314 in the first place.
you lift your eyes back to your reflection in the mirror, your thumb hovering over the screen to type out a reply.
see? you think, your mind screaming at you to believe the lie as a cold sweat breaks out across your palms. it worked. the lessons worked. everything i did today⊠it was all just so i could be ready for tomorrow night. with jake.
but as you finally press your thumb to the glass to type 'i'd love to', your eyes automatically drift down to your own lips, and the phantom sensation of jay's heavy, rough breathing against your skin returns with a fierce, suffocating intensity that leaves you completely breathless.
-------
the afternoon sun is hitting the windows of room 314 when you walk in, casting long, warm bars of light across the hardwood floor. itâs a sharp contrast to the stormy darkness of your last lesson, but the familiar scent of sandalwood and clean laundry still hits you the second the door opens.
jay is sitting at his desk, casually typing something on his laptop, but he looks up the moment you step inside. his dark eyes immediately track your movement as you set your tote bag down by the door. he looks entirely composed, the previous lesson's awkwardness seemingly evaporated from his demeanor, replaced by his usual calm, lazy aura.
âwelcome back, newbie,â jay says smoothly, closing his laptop with a quiet click. he stands up, stretching his arms slightly before walking over to his mini-fridge. âhow was the big date?â
you sit down on the edge of his mattress, pulling your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around them. just the mention of yesterday makes a strange swirl of emotions tighten in your stomach.
âit was⊠really nice,â you say softly, staring down at the pattern of his blanket. âjake was amazing. he took me to that little Italian place downtown, the one with the string lights. he paid for everything, even when i tried to argue with him. and he was just so sweet, jay. he listened to me talk about my classes, he laughed at my jokes, and he walked me all the way back to my apartment building.â
jay leans against the edge of his desk, taking a sip of water, his eyes locked onto your face. âsounds like a textbook perfect date. so why do you look like someone just kicked your puppy?â
you swallow the lump in your throat, your voice dropping to a shy, embarrassed whisper. âbecause⊠he didn't kiss me.â
jay pauses, his water bottle halfway down from his lips. a sudden, sharp curiosity flashes in his eyes. âhe didn't?â
âno,â you groan, burying your face in your knees for a second before looking back up at him, completely miserable. âwe stood on the porch of my building for like three whole minutes. i did the eye contact. i did the posture thing you taught me. i held his gaze, my lips were parted, i did everything right! but he just⊠he smiled, ruffled my hair, told me he had an amazing time, and said goodnight. i donât get it. did i do something wrong? did he see right through me?â
jay stares at you for a beat, and then, a slow, incredibly wicked smirk begins to crawl onto his face. the intense seriousness from the end of your last lesson is gone, replaced by a wave of pure, triumphant amusement. he sets his water bottle down on the desk and steps closer to the bed.
ânewbie, you didn't do anything wrong,â jay says, his voice a low, deeply satisfied rumble. âyouâre just dealing with jake sim. the guy is a traditionalist. heâs old-school. heâs not going to lunges at a girl on the very first dinner date, especially not a girl he actually respects and likes as much as he clearly likes you.â
he hitches his usual desk chair over, spinning it around to sit directly in front of you, his knees inches from yours. âhonestly? this is perfect for us. it means weâre officially two steps ahead of him.â
you blink, confused. âtwo steps ahead? what do you mean?â
âi mean,â jay says, leaning forward, his dark eyes locking onto yours with a suffocating amount of focus, âby the time he finally gets the nerve to make a real move on you, youâre not just going to know how to handle a basic kiss. youâre going to be a master. which brings us to today's actual syllabus.â
he rests his elbows on his knees, his voice dropping into that low, gravelly register that instantly sets your pulse racing. âtoday, weâre moving past the initial contact. weâre talking about a full-on makeout. the pacing, the breathing, how to build the physical escalation without getting overwhelmed. how to take control of the rhythm so heâs the one losing his mind, not you.â
your breath hitches completely. the memory of how your last "practice kiss" had spiraled into a lingering, breathless fog flashes through your brain, making your lips tingle instantly.
jay studies the sudden, bright pink flush spreading across your cheeks. his smile softens just a fraction, a quiet, intense gravity taking over his features. he leans in a microscopic inch closer, his eyes dropping to your mouth before rising back to yours.
âso,â jay murmurs, his voice a heavy, dangerous purr. âdo you want today's lesson to be purely theoretical⊠or do you want a practical example, newbie?â
your heart is thumping so hard against your ribs youâre certain he can hear it. you know you should say theoretical. you know you should protect your sanity, preserve the lie that this is all just an educational game for jake. but as you look at jay â at his sharp jawline, his messy dark hair, his perfect, parted lips â the desperation from days ago takes over completely.
you donât say a word. you just look him straight in the eye and nod your head, a tiny, submissive gesture.
âgood girl,â jay whispers, the words vibrating straight down your spine.
he doesn't waste a single second. jay slides out of the chair and onto the mattress, crossing his legs right in front of you. his large, warm hand rises instantly, his long fingers sliding effortlessly into the hair at the back of your neck, his thumb anchoring firmly against your jawline to tilt your face up.
âremember the pacing,â jay murmurs right before his lips touch yours. âlet me lead first.â
the instant his mouth seals over yours, the entire world outside room 314 completely vanishes. his lips are incredibly soft but heavy with a firm, demanding pressure that immediately makes a soft, helpless sigh escape your throat. jay catches the sound, his thumb gently stroking the sensitive skin of your jaw, guiding your mouth to open just a fraction more.
âbreathe through your nose, newbie,â he whispers against your lips, his hot breath fanning across your skin as he shifts the angle of his head, deepening the kiss with a slow, agonizingly deliberate rhythm. âdonât rush it. follow my pace.â
you lift your hands, your fingers shaking as you clutch tightly at the soft fabric of his knit sweater, pulling yourself closer until your chest is flush against his. jay lets out a low, rough hum of approval deep in his throat at the touch, his grip on the back of your neck tightening just enough to anchor you completely.
the kiss quickly deepens, the boundaries of a simple "lesson" shattering instantly into a heavy, intoxicating fog. jay shows you how to escalate the tension; his lips move against yours with a raw, unhurried hunger, his tongue lightly tracing your bottom lip before pulling it between his teeth in a soft, agonizing tug that leaves you completely breathless.
âwhen the energy shifts,â jay murmurs, his voice raspy as he briefly parts from your lips to trace a line of burning kisses along your jawline, his lips hovering right over the sensitive skin beneath your ear, âyou use your hands to change the dynamic. donât just hold my sweater. slide your hands up. touch his neck.â
as if under a spell, you follow his whispered instructions. you let your hands slide up his broad chest, your fingers wrapping around the warm skin of his neck, your thumbs resting just below his sharp jawline. the physical contact makes jay let out a sharp, ragged exhale against your skin.
he pulls back just enough to look at you, his dark eyes clouded with a fierce, heavy intensity that has absolutely nothing to do with jake sim. his chest is heaving under his sweater, his lips dark and swollen.
âjust like that,â jay whispers, his large hand sliding down from your neck to firmly grip your waist, pulling your hips a fraction closer to his on the mattress. âyou control the distance. if he gets too frantic, you hold him right there. if you want more⊠you pull him back in.â
he doesn't wait for you to pull him. jay leans back down, his mouth crashing back onto yours with a sudden, overwhelming wave of passion that makes your head spin. itâs a full-on, breathless makeout, his lips parting yours completely, his thumb rubbing a slow, heavy circle into your waist through your shirt. you lose all track of time, completely drowning in the intoxicating taste of him, your fingers tangling into his dark hair as you match his pace, completely forgetting who this lesson was supposed to be for.
when jay finally draws back, it is agonizingly slow, his lips lingering against yours in three short, pressing kisses before he completely breaks the contact.
the sudden loss of his warmth leaves you shivering, your chest heaving as you desperately try to force air back into your lungs. jay stays hovering inches away, his forehead resting lightly against yours for a brief, breathless second before he slowly straightens up. his breathing is completely ungrounded, his eyes dark as he stares down at your thoroughly kissed, flushed face.
the silence in the room is suffocating, heavy with the weight of what just happened.
jay clears his throat, his hand rising to rub the back of his neck as he shifts back on the mattress, trying to force his usual lazy, unbothered smirk back onto his face â though his trembling fingers completely give him away.
âthat was⊠the baseline,â jay says, his voice rough, strained, and entirely devoid of his usual arrogance. he looks away from your lips, his gaze tracking a stray shadow on the wall instead. âweâll⊠weâll stop there for today. your pacing is fine, newbie. jake wonât know what hit him.â
he stands up quickly, walking over to the door to open it for you, but as you scramble off the bed with a racing heart, you realize with a sudden wave of absolute panic that you don't care about jake sim's reaction at all anymore.
-------
you would be lying to yourself if you had said you hadn't been eager for more after that. you were. in fact, you started meeting jay almost every day so you could "practice" making out.
it became an unspoken, addictive routine. you didn't even wait for a scheduled thursday afternoon anymore. a quick, vague text from jay â âmy roomâs free if you want to studyâ â and you would find yourself walking toward room 314 with your heart already doing double-flips inside your chest. you didn't even bring your notebooks anymore. what was the point of pretending?
with every single day that passed, the lessons started escalating little by little, the boundaries of "basic mechanics" crumbling into dust.
one afternoon, the air in his dorm room felt so suffocatingly hot that your hands grew bold. jay was guiding you through a deeper rhythm, his lips heavy and possessive against yours, when your fingers strayed from the hem of his sweater and slid up, slipping underneath the fabric. your bare palms pressed flat against the warm, solid skin of his lower back. you remember the exact way his entire body had rigidified for a split second, a low, ragged growl catching in his throat before he completely lost his composure, his lips turning frantic against yours.
another day, the lesson wasn't about the mouth at all. jay had backed you up against his closed closet door, his large hands anchoring your wrists gently against the wood above your head. âadvanced escalation,â he had whispered against your skin, his voice a dangerous, gravelly rasp right before he buried his face in your neck. he had kissed his way down your jawline, his lips warm and demanding as he sucked softly on the sensitive skin right above your collarbone, leaving a faint, stinging heat that made your knees turn to literal water.
but the most shocking shift â the one that still makes your face burn a furious purple when you think about it during lectures â happened just two days ago.
jay had been sitting in the middle of his unmade bed, watching you pace around his room as you anxiously rambled on about your nerves. without a word, he had reached out, grabbed your wrist, and pulled you down. before your brain could even process the movement, jay's hands were on your waist, lifting you up and guiding you until you were completely straddling his lap, your knees resting on either side of his thighs.
your whole body had gone into a state of absolute shock, your face inches from his. but jay hadn't teased you. he had just looked up at you with those dark, fiercely intense eyes, his thumbs rubbing slow, heavy circles into your hips. âthis is how you handle the proximity,â he had murmured. and then he had pulled you down by your neck.
you had kissed for a whole hour. a full, breathless, uninterrupted sixty minutes where your hands were tangled in his hair, his broad chest was crushed against yours, and his mouth was relentlessly teaching you a rhythm that made your entire soul ache. your body had fit perfectly against his, the heat between you completely consuming the small room. and you had enjoyed every single, agonizing second of it.
still, despite the bare skin, the bruised lips, and the sheer intimacy of sitting on his lap, you kept trying to convince yourself it was all because of jake.
every night, when you lay awake in your own bed staring at the ceiling, you forced yourself to repeat the old script. itâs not because of jay. jay park has absolutely nothing to do with it. heâs just an instructor. heâs just incredibly good at what he does because heâs experienced, and i am just a good student taking advantage of a resource.
you told yourself that the violent butterflies in your stomach, the way your hands shook whenever you touched his skin, and the desperate hunger you felt every time he leaned in were all just a biological reaction. you were just enjoying the physical sensation of making out because, in the back of your mind, you were projecting. you were simply thinking about doing all of these things with jake sim. jay was just the proxy, the placeholder, the mannequin you were using to perfect your technique so that when the time finally came, you would drive jake absolutely crazy.
or at least⊠thatâs what you said to yourself.
-------
you keep your mouth shut, maintaining the absolute lockdown on your secret. whenever yunjin asks how the lessons are going, you look her straight in the eye and lie through your teeth, insisting itâs all strictly theoretical. you tell her jay is just drawing diagrams and explaining body language, all while your lips are still practically stinging from being thoroughly devoured by him just an hour prior.
in the meantime, you keep hanging out with jake. he takes you to get ice cream, he walks you to class, and he remains the perfect, sweet gentleman. but whenever he holds your hand or leans in to give you a polite, fleeting peck on the cheek, a bizarre, hollow sensation settles in your chest. you keep expecting the earth to move, expecting to feel that white-hot, electric current that roars through your veins every time you walk into room 314. but it never comes. youâre just building up to it, you tell yourself desperately. the real spark will happen later. jay is just priming you.
and then comes today's lesson.
the afternoon sun is completely blocked out by the heavy curtains jay drew across his window, plunging the dorm room into a dark, suffocatingly intimate haze. youâre sitting directly on his lap, your legs straddling his thighs. the friction between your bodies is a living, breathing thing. you've grown bold over the past week; your hands are slipped entirely beneath his oversized tee, your palms pressed flat against the hot, defined muscles of his chest. your hips shift instinctively, a slow, heavy grind against his lap as you chase the friction, your mouth moving against his in a deep, wet rhythm that leaves you both completely breathledd.
jay lets out a sharp, ragged groan directly into your mouth. his hands, which had been anchoring your hips, suddenly tighten with a bruising force. he abruptly pulls his head back, his breathing incredibly shallow and heavy as he forces you to stop moving.
his dark hair is completely unruly, his lips a dark, swollen crimson. he looks up at you, his eyes clouded with a raw, fierce hunger that makes your stomach do a violent flip.
âjesus, newbie,â jay rasps, his chest heaving under his shirt as his hands steady your trembling waist. he takes a long, ragged breath, his voice dropping into an incredibly low, gravelly register. âhold on. stop moving for a second.â
you blink down at him, dazed, your heart hammering against your ribs. âwhat? did i⊠did i do it wrong?â
jay lets out a low, breathless chuckle, though his jaw remains incredibly tight. âno. you didn't do it wrong. thatâs the problem. the way you moveâŠâ he pauses, his intense gaze raking over your flushed face, tracking the absolute innocence in your wide eyes. a sudden, heavy curiosity settles over his features. âhave you actually ever done anything sexual before this? like, at all?â
the question hits you like a bucket of ice water. a fierce, blinding wave of mortification instantly erupts across your cheeks. you instinctively try to shift off his lap, but his grip on your waist tightens, keeping you anchored right there against his heat.
âno,â you squeak out, your voice dropping to an incredibly shy, embarrassed whisper. you look down at his collarbone, unable to hold his gaze. âi haven't. iâve never⊠iâve never done anything. i told you, i'm a total newbie.â
jay stares at you, a complex flash of emotion crossing his face â surprise, a sudden wave of protectiveness, and a trace of possessiveness that he quickly tries to mask. he clears his throat, his thumb rubbing a slow, grounding circle into your hip.
âright,â jay murmurs, his voice softening just a fraction. âokay. well. youâre doing great for a beginner.â
you swallow hard, the frantic script in your head screaming at you to take control, to justify why you're enjoying this so much, why youâre pushing the boundaries. you look at his perfectly parted lips, then back up to his dark eyes, and a reckless, desperate thought tumbles right out of your mouth.
âjay⊠can you teach me about the rest of it?â
jay freezes, his hand instantly stopping its movement on your hip. âthe rest of it?â
âyes,â you stammer, your voice incredibly small but filled with a panicked, stubborn determination. you force the lie out, hiding behind your golden shield. âi mean⊠for jake! what if things escalate on our next date? what if he wants to go further? i donât want to be completely clueless. i want to know how to make him feel good. i need to learn how sex works. the mechanics.â
jay studies your face for a long, agonizingly silent beat. the air in the room feels impossibly thick. you can feel the sudden, intense heat radiating from his lap, a physical reminder of exactly what your grinding had done to him. but jay is a professional, and more than that, he refuses to pressure you or take advantage of the ridiculous web of lies you've spun.
slowly, deliberately, jay lifts his hands and gently guides you off his lap. the sudden loss of his warmth makes you shiver. he sits back against his headboard, pulling one knee up to his chest, his expression shifting into something clinical, serious, and entirely focused.
âalright, newbie,â jay says, his voice a low, gravelly rumble that commands your absolute attention. âif you want to talk about how to make a guy feel good, weâre keeping this strictly theoretical. understand? no hands-on for this part.â
you nod quickly, sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed, your hands tightly clasped in your lap as your face burns hot.
âgood. then letâs start with manual stimulation. handjobs,â jay begins, his tone conversational but his words dripping with a raw, explicit honesty that makes your jaw drop. âitâs not just about gripping and sliding. the anatomy is sensitive. a guy's nerves are concentrated right at the head, especially underneath, on the frenulum. if you just pull the skin up and down dry, itâs uncomfortable. you need friction control. you use lubrication, or even just saliva, and you start with a firm but gentle grip at the base.â
you feel your eyes widening, your brain frantically trying to take mental notes as he speaks. jay doesn't break eye contact; he looks straight at you, using clinical but undeniably dirty language that makes your heart thump in your throat.
âthe rhythm is everything,â jay continues smoothly, his voice dropping an octave, turning into a heavy, suffocating purr. âyou match his breathing. a slow, steady stroke all the way from the base to the top, and when you reach the head, you twist your thumb gently over the top. it builds the pressure. you donât speed up until his breath catches. you pay attention to his sounds.â
âo-oh,â you squeak, your hands twisting together. âi⊠okay. slow rhythm. twist at the top.â
âexactly,â jay says, a faint, amused half-smile touching his lips at your absolute mortification, though his eyes remain heavy and intense. ânow, if things go further⊠oral. blowjobs. this is where most girls panic because they think about their teeth. your teeth should never touch his skin, newbie. you keep your lips curled completely over them. like an anchor.â
you feel like youâre going to spontaneously combust. your cheeks are a catastrophic shade of purple, but you are hanging on every single syllable.
âthe technique isnât just about depth,â jay murmurs, his gaze dropping to your mouth for a heavy, unhurried second before rising back to your eyes. âitâs about suction and warmth. you use the roof of your mouth and your tongue to create a vacuum. you start slow, swirling your tongue around the head before taking him in. and the most important part? the pacing. you donât just stay at the top; you move down to the base, using one hand to stroke the shaft while your mouth handles the rest. dual stimulation.â
he pauses, leaning forward just a fraction, his voice dropping into a whisper that sends a violent shiver straight down your spine.
âand you never, ever break eye contact,â jay whispers, his dark eyes locking onto yours with a terrifying amount of gravity. âwhen youâre down there, you look up at him. through your lashes. you let him see exactly what youâre doing to him. it drives a guy absolutely insane, newbie. it completely breaks his control.â
you sit there, completely paralyzed, your chest heaving as you absorb the intense, explicit breakdown. you are utterly mortified, entirely overwhelmed, and your brain is screaming at you that you are supposed to be picturing jake sim during this entire lecture.
but as you look at jay â at the way his jaw tightens, the way his low, gravelly voice sounds saying those explicit words, and the dark, possessive heat hidden deep in his eyes â you realize with a sudden wave of pure terror that jakeâs face hasn't crossed your mind even once.
you sit there at the foot of his bed, your heart hammering against your ribs so violently you can hear it in your ears. the explicit details of his words are still hanging heavy in the dim, warm air of the dorm room. your hands are knotted tightly in the fabric of your sweater, your palms slick with a nervous sweat.
you look down at his lap, then back up to his dark, unhurried eyes. the golden shield of your excuse â the lie that this is all a clinical preparation for a future with jake sim â feels incredibly heavy, but itâs the only armor you have left.
"jay," you whisper, your voice cracking slightly. you swallow hard, your face burning a catastrophic shade of crimson as you force the words out. "if... if the rhythm and the grip are that specific... what if i mess it up? what if i'm too rough, or too loose? can you... can you give me another practical example?"
jayâs entire body tenses. the casual, leaning posture against his headboard locks up instantly. his eyes widen just a fraction, his gaze dropping to your trembling hands before snapping back up to look at your face. the heavy, silent tension in room 314 returns with the force of a physical blow.
"newbie," jay rasps, his voice rougher and deeper than before. he clears his throat, his knuckles whitening as his hands grip the mattress. "we said strictly theoretical for this. i'm not trying to rush you into anything."
"i'm not rushed," you lie desperately, leaning forward just a fraction, your heart in your throat. "i just... i need to know if i'm doing it right. for the baseline. please, jay."
jay stares at you for three agonizing, breathless seconds. his jaw tightens so hard you can see the muscle tick under his sharp skin. he lets out a long, slow, ragged exhale through his teeth, the restraint heâs been maintaining for weeks visibly fracturing.
"alright," jay murmurs, his tone shifting into a low, gravelly register that vibrates straight through your chest. "come here."
you move on your knees, sliding across the mattress until you're sitting right beside his thigh. your knees are trembling. jay reaches down, his fingers hooking under the hem of his dark trousers, and with a low rustle of fabric, he frees himself.
your breath catches completely. he is already thick, fully erect, and a dark, heavy flush is painting his skin. the pure, raw reality of it makes your mind go entirely blank.
"don't look away," jay commands softly, his voice remarkably steady despite the shallow rise and fall of his chest. "wrap your fingers like this."
he reaches out, his broad, warm hand wrapping around yours to guide it. he positions your fingers at the very base of his shaft, curling them in a firm, even cylinder. his skin feels smooth, white-hot, and pulsing beneath your touch.
"now, look at me," jay whispers, his face inches from yours. "stroke up. slow. all the way to the top."
you slowly move your hand upward, the physical friction sending a jolt of pure electricity straight up your arm. your heart is beating in an erratic rhythm against your ribs.
"good. just like that, newbie," jay praises you, a low, breathy rumble in his throat. his eyes crinkle slightly at the corners, a soft, encouraging look melting his usual sharp features. "now, when you hit the head... slower at the top. twist your thumb over the frenulum. exactly like i explained."
you follow his instructions perfectly, slowing the motion, your thumb dragging gently over the ultra-sensitive rim.
"ohâ fuck," jay lets out a sudden, ragged groan, his eyes instantly fluttering shut as his head thumps back against the headboard. the sound is deep, unvarnished, and completely intoxicating. "yes. right there. that's perfect, sweetheart. keep that exact pace."
hearing the pet name slip past his lips makes your stomach do a violent, hot flip. you keep going, your movements becoming smoother, more confident as you fall into the heavy, dragging rhythm. you watch his face, completely fascinated by the raw power you suddenly hold over him.
but as the seconds tick by, the clinical baseline completely disintegrates. the touch is too hot, the friction too intense, and jayâs carefully constructed control begins to dangerously slip.
his breathing turns shallow and frantic, his chest heaving under his shirt. his sharp, dark brows furrow in a look that almost resembles pain. he lets out another heavy, broken groan, a sudden, involuntary jerk rippling through his lower half as his hips instinctively thrust upward against the firm pressure of your hand.
"jay," you whisper, completely captivated by the sight of him losing his mind beneath your touch.
"keep going... shit, don't stop," he swears under his breath, his voice rough and completely ungrounded. his hand flies to your wrist, not to pull you away, but to physically lock your hand in place, his fingers squeezing tightly as he takes over the pace, forcing your hand to move faster, harder against him. another ragged, breathy moan escapes his lips, his jaw clenching so tightly his veins stand out against his neck. "you're too good at this... fuck, newbie..."
the sheer, overwhelming heat of the moment fills the quiet room, the sound of his ragged breathing and the soft, slick friction of your hand filling the space between you. you are utterly drowning in him, your thumb tracing the wetness at the tip, your own breathing turning heavy as you lean into his space.
you look up through your lashes, his dark eyes snapping open to look down at you, clouded with a fierce, possessive hunger. and thatâs when the old, desperate script in your head panics, trying one last time to pull you back to safety.
"is this⊠how i should do it for jake?" you whisper, the question slipping out before you can stop it.
jay freezes.
the pleasure on his face vanishes instantly. his hand snaps down, gripping your wrist hard enough to still you completely. his eyes open, sharp and raw.
jay stares down at you, his chest heaving, his lips parted as he absorbs the name. for a second, something painful flashes across his face â hurt, anger, and something deeper. he exhales shakily, then gently but firmly removes your hand from him. the silence that crashes into the room is suffocating.
he reaches down, gently but firmly removing your hand from his skin, and quietly covers himself back up, shifting his weight to sit back against the wall.
the sudden loss of contact leaves your hand feeling cold, your fingers tingling. the blinding wave of embarrassment returns, your cheeks exploding into a furious red flush as you realize what you just said.
ânewbieâŠâ he says quietly, voice rough. âdonât do that.â
you feel sick with embarrassment. âiâm sorry, i didnât meanââ
but jay doesn't lash out. he doesn't tease you, and he doesn't bring up the name. instead, he just looks down at your flustered, wide-eyed face, a soft, incredibly gentle expression taking over his sharp features.
"hey," jay murmurs, his voice still low and beautifully rough from the aftereffects of the pleasure. he reaches out, his large, warm hand gently patting the top of your head, his fingers lightly smoothing down your messy hair. "don't look at me like that. you didn't do anything wrong."
you look up at him through your bangs, your heart still thumping softly. "i'm sorry. i shouldn't have..."
"it's fine," jay interrupts softly, a faint, tired but genuinely warm smile touching his lips. his hand slides down from your head to rest gently on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "you're a fast learner, newbie. really fast. you passed the lesson."
he sits there, his hand warm and heavy on your shoulder, his thumb rubbing a slow, comforting circle into your shirt. itâs a soft, lingering moment of aftercare that feels entirely too domestic, entirely too real for a simple tutoring session. and as you look at his gentle smile, your hand still warm from his skin, the lie about jake feels smaller and more pathetic than it ever has before.
-------
when thursday afternoon rolls around, the tension inside your chest is so thick you can barely swallow. the walk to the west quad feels different today; the golden armor of your excuses is getting heavier, cracking, but the raw curiosity burning in your veins is too loud to ignore.
when you knock on the door to room 314, jay opens it almost instantly. heâs wearing a loose, dark gray t-shirt and light gray sweatpants, his dark hair falling messy across his forehead. his eyes immediately lock onto yours, a quiet, intense gravity in his gaze that lets you know he hasn't forgotten a single second of tuesday's handjob lesson either.
"come in, newbie," jay murmurs, stepping aside.
you walk in and immediately sit cross-legged in the center of his unmade bed, your hands tucked between your knees to hide how much theyâre shaking. jay closes the door, the heavy click sealing the two of you in the quiet, sandalwood-scented dimness of his room.
he doesn't sit in his desk chair. he walks straight to the edge of the mattress, standing right in front of you, looking down with his hands shoved casually into his sweatpants pockets. "alright. lesson seven. what are we breaking down today?"
you look up at him, your cheeks instantly exploding into a fierce, burning crimson. you swallow hard, your fingers twisting together as you force the words out. "i... i want to learn how to give a blowjob. you explained the theory on tuesday, but... iâve always been curious about how the actual tongue work and depth feel. i want the practical example, jay."
jayâs entire posture locks up. his eyes darken significantly, a sudden, heavy wave of heat rolling off his body as he stares down at your flushed, determined face. he takes a slow, ragged breath through his nose, his jaw clenching tightly.
"newbie," jay rasps, his voice incredibly deep and rough. "are you absolutely sure about this? once we cross this line, thereâs no turning back."
"i'm sure," you whisper, looking him straight in the eye.
jay doesn't say another word. he slowly pulls his hands out of his pockets and sits down on the edge of the bed, right in front of you. with a low, deliberate rustle of fabric, he pushes his sweatpants down, freeing his thick, fully erect length. he is already pulsing, a heavy, dark flush painting his white-hot skin.
"get down on your knees between my legs," jay commands softly, his voice remarkably patient, completely ridden of his usual mocking tone
you slide off the mattress, sinking onto your knees on the hardwood floor right between his thighs. your face is level with his lap, the raw heat of his arousal radiating against your cheeks.
"now, look at me," jay whispers, his large, warm hand rising to gently cup the back of your head, his long fingers tangling into your hair to steady you. "remember what i said. keep your lips curled completely over your teeth. let me feel your tongue first. swirl it right around the head."
you lean in, your hands hesitantly resting on the top of his firm thighs for balance. you slowly extend your tongue, dragging the wet, warm tip in a slow circle around the sensitive rim of his crown.
"ohâ fuck," jay lets out a sharp, ragged gasp, his head immediately tossing back, his eyes fluttering shut as a deep shiver ripples through his lower half. his fingers tighten gently in your hair. "yes. just like that, baby. you're so warm, you feel so good."
"now, open up a little more," jay murmurs, his dark eyes snapping open to look down at you, clouded with an intense, suffocating pleasure. "take the top half in. use the roof of your mouth to create a gentle suction. don't rush the depth yet."
you part your lips, curling them firmly over your teeth as he instructed, and slowly slide your mouth over the thick, smooth head of his shaft. the sudden warmth and tightness of your mouth makes jay let out a low, broken moan deep in his chest. you pull back slightly, then slide forward again, your tongue swirling against him with every movement.
"you're doing so good, newbie," jay praises you, his voice a low, breathy rumble right above your head. his hand in your hair is incredibly sweet, gently guiding your rhythm, pacing your movements so you donât choke. "you're so pretty looking up at me like that. god, you're perfect."
hearing him call you pretty makes a violent, hot flash of adrenaline surge through you. you grow bolder, sliding your mouth a little further down, letting your throat adapt to the thickness. you manage your breathing, taking steady, short inhales through your nose as your mouth works rhythmically against him.
the clinical nature of the lesson completely shatters. jayâs control begins to dangerously fracture under the wet, tight heat of your mouth. his breathing turns shallow and frantic, his chest heaving under his t-shirt as his hips instinctively lift, thrusting a fraction deeper into your mouth with a heavy, unvarnished desperation.
"shit, look at you," jay groans out, a ragged, completely ungrounded swear escaping his lips as his grip on your hair tightens just enough to hold you in place. his eyes are locked onto yours, blazing with a raw, possessive hunger as you look up at him through your lashes. "look at you, sucking me off so good... fuck, sweetheart, you're driving me insane."
the explicit praise sends a jolt of pure electricity straight down your spine. you wrap your right hand around the base of his shaft, sliding it up and down in sync with the heavy suction of your mouth, creating a flawless, dual stimulation that completely breaks his remaining restraint.
jay let out a deep, guttural cry, his jaw clenching so hard the veins stand out against his neck, his hips moving faster, more rapidly against your mouth as he inches closer and closer to the edge.
"hold onâ hold on, baby, stop," jay suddenly rasps, his breathing completely shattered. he gently but firmly pulls your head back by your hair, his chest heaving as he draws a long, shaky breath.
you blink up at him, your lips wet and flushed a deep red, your heart thumping violently. jay stares down at your face, his eyes incredibly heavy, full of a fierce, protective softness that completely melts his sharp features.
slowly, he reaches down, his thumb gently wiping away a drop of moisture from the corner of your mouth. a faint, breathless, and incredibly tender smile on his lips.
"you're a genius, newbie," jay whispers, his voice beautifully rough as he lightly taps your cheek. "lesson concluded. you're officially too good for this campus."
-------
when you arrive for the next lesson, the atmospheric pressure inside room 314 feels entirely different. the standard conversational buffer â the casual banter about classes, the lingering ghost of a mention of jake â is completely gone. when jay opens the door, he doesnât say his usual witty greeting. he just looks at you, his dark eyes heavy and remarkably soft, and reaches down to gently take your bag from your hand, setting it by the desk.
"hey," he murmurs, his voice dropping into that low, gravelly timbre that instantly makes your pulse flutter.
"hey," you whisper back.
he closes the door with a quiet, deliberate click, locking it before turning back to you. heâs wearing a simple black t-shirt that clings to his broad shoulders, and his hair is a little messy, falling perfectly over his forehead. he doesn't wait for you to sit on the edge of the mattress; instead, he takes your hand, his long, warm fingers sliding effortlessly between yours, and guides you to the middle of the bed.
"we've spent a lot of time breaking down what makes a guy lose his mind," jay says softly, sitting down right in front of you, his knees brushing against your thighs. his free hand reaches up, his thumb gently tracing the line of your jaw, tilting your face up so you're forced to look directly into his eyes. "but that's only half the mechanics, newbie. you need to know what feels good for you, too. you need to know how your body reacts when someone is completely focused on you."
your breath catches, a fierce, sudden heat blooming across your chest. "jay..."
"i'm going to go slow, okay?" he interrupts gently, his eyes crinkling warmly at the corners with a reassuring, incredibly tender smile. "no rushing. i'm going to teach you exactly how you're supposed to be touched."
he leans forward, his lips pressing softly against your forehead, then your temple, before trailing down to the sensitive column of your neck. a violent, delicious shiver ripples through your entire body as he kisses his way back up to your jawline, his lips warm and unhurried.
"lay down for me, sweetheart," jay whispers against your skin, his hands moving to your waist to gently guide you back onto the pillows.
you slide down, your heart hammering a frantic rhythm against your ribs as jay shifts, hovering over you, supported by his elbows on either side of your head. his gaze rakes over your flushed face, his expression so fiercely loving and sweet it makes your chest ache. he reaches down, his large, warm hand sliding under the hem of your top, his palm resting flat against the bare skin of your stomach. you let out a soft, sharp inhale at the sudden friction.
"just breathe," jay praises you, his voice a soft, comforting rumble as his fingers trail lower, gently nudging the waistband of your shorts. "let me do the work."
slowly, deliberately, he eases your clothes down, exposing the smooth skin of your thighs to the dim, warm air of the room. you instinctively try to pull your knees together, a sudden wave of shyness hitting you, but jay gently presses them apart, sliding his body between your legs to anchor you. he doesn't look away; his eyes stay locked onto yours as his fingers softly brush against the inner skin of your thigh, moving upward with agonizingly slow, light strokes.
"you are so beautiful, newbie," he murmurs, leaning down to press a deep, lingering kiss to your lips, tasting you fully before trailing his mouth down to your collarbone. "so pretty for me."
when his hand finally reaches the center of your heat, you let out a breathless, broken gasp, your fingers instantly clutching at the fabric of his t-shirt. his fingers are warm, incredibly gentle as they find the small, sensitive bundle of nerves. he starts with light, circular motions, his thumb sliding over the slick skin with a practiced, effortless rhythm.
"there you go," jay whispers against your neck, his hot breath fanning across your skin as he tracks the sudden, erratic hitch in your breathing. "feel that? that's the baseline. you just stay relaxed, let the heat build."
he introduces a single finger, sliding it slowly into your tight, wet heat. a soft, helpless moan escapes your throat, your hips instinctively lifting against his hand. jay lets out a low, rough hum of absolute approval deep in his chest, his finger moving in a slow, curling motion that targets a deep, heavy ache you didn't even know was there.
"look at me, sweetheart," he commands softly. you blink your eyes open, your vision slightly blurry from the sheer intensity of it, to find him staring down at you with an unvarnished, consuming intensity. "you're doing so good. you're so wet for me."
he continues the rhythm, his fingers moving inside you with a steady, heavy pace while his thumb keeps a relentless, agonizingly perfect pressure on your core. you feel the tension building rapidly, a hot, tight knot coiling tightly in your lower stomach. your hands tangle deep into his dark hair, pulling him closer as your breathing turns shallow and desperate.
"jay... jay," you whimpered, completely ungrounded by the overwhelming sensation.
"i've got you," he murmurs sweetly, kissing away the tears gathering at the corners of your eyes. he pulls his hand away for just a fraction of a second, making you let out a needy whine, before he shifts his body lower on the mattress.
he presses your knees open wider, his hands firmly gripping the undersides of your thighs to steady you. you look down through your lashes, your face burning a furious purple as jay leans his head down, his mouth replacing his fingers.
the first touch of his wet, warm tongue against your sensitive core makes your entire body arch off the mattress, a loud, unvarnished cry echoing through the quiet room. jay's hands tighten on your thighs, anchoring you completely as his tongue sweeps upward in long, firm strokes, applying a heavy, steady suction that sends a violent, electric current straight down your spine.
"oh my god," you sob out, your fingers desperately clutching at the bedsheets as the coiling tension inside you completely snaps.
jay doesn't stop. he works through your release, his tongue moving in a relentless, beautifully deep rhythm, drinking you in as your body trembles and shakes beneath him. he holds you steady through the intense waves, his mouth warm and unbelievably patient against your sensitive skin until the final tremors slowly begin to fade.
when he finally slides back up the mattress, his face is flushed, his dark eyes shining with a deep, triumphant softness. he pulls the blankets up over your shivering shoulders, immediately wrapping his broad arms around you and pulling your back flush against his chest in a tight, protective embrace.
he leans down, his lips pressing a soft, lingering kiss to the back of your warm neck.
"you did so perfect, newbie," jay whispers into your hair, his voice rough and beautifully thick as his large hand rests over your heart, feeling it hammer a frantic pace against his palm. "absolutely perfect."
the cool night air hits your face the moment you step out of the west quad, but it does absolutely nothing to cool the raging, white-hot fire burning beneath your skin. your limbs feel heavy, almost liquid, and every step you take on the concrete sidewalk feels strangely disconnected from reality.
the guilt catches up to you by the time you reach the campus quad. it settles into your stomach like a block of lead, heavy and suffocating.
you just had sex with jay park.
well, not full intercourse, but it was sexual. it was intimate. he touched you, he put his mouth on you, he held you through the most intense physical release of your life, and he wrapped his arms around you like you belonged to him. the raw, unvarnished memory of his wet tongue, his whispers of "sweetheart," and the protective warmth of his chest pressed against your back makes a violent shudder get to your core.
it's for jake, your brain screams, a frantic, high-pitched panic echoing in your head as you grip the straps of your tote bag until your knuckles turn white. the reason why you're doing this is for improving for jake. you're a newbie. you needed to know what a release felt like so you don't panic or freeze up when jake finally takes you to his bed. jay is just the instructor. he's a textbook. he has nothing to do with this.
but deep inside, in a dark, quiet corner of your soul that you are desperately trying to block out, you know it's a lie. you know text modules and posture corrections don't involve a guy worshiping your body until you're sobbing his name into his pillows.
still, you really try to convince yourself. you force the golden shield back into place, cementing the lie with sheer, stubborn willpower as you unlock the door to your apartment. yunjin's bedroom door is closed, the apartment blissfully dark. you tip-toe straight into your room, lock the door behind you, and collapse onto your bed without even changing out of your clothes.
the bed feels too big, too cold, and your skin is still tingling, practically begging for the touch that was just stripped away from it.
fine, you think desperately, staring up at the shadows on your ceiling. if it's for jake, prove it. fantasize about him.
your hands shake as you slide them down the denim of your shorts, slipping past the waistband to touch the lingering, hypersensitive heat between your thighs. you close your eyes tightly, forcing jake's face into your mind's eye. you picture the sweet way he ruffles your hair, the little Italian restaurant with the string lights, the gentle way he holds your hand across the table.
you start to move your fingers, replicating the exact circular rhythm jay had used on you just an hour ago. a soft, needy gasp escapes your lips into the quiet room. the heat builds rapidly, your body already primed and ready to boil over.
it's jake, you tell yourself, your breathing turning hurried as you pick up the pace. imagine jake doing this to you. imagine jake hovering over you in the dark.
you lean into the fantasy, letting the tight, coiling knot in your stomach take over. you bite your lip hard, letting your brain go insane â imagining the pretty sounds heâd make, mouth open in a slight âoâ as his brows furrow, hair falling down, almost reaching that pretty nose adorned with the scar you love to feel between yourâ
wait.
jake doesnât have a nose scar.
thatâs jay.
your fingers freeze.
the world inside your bedroom completely grinds to a halt. you stare blankly at the dark ceiling, your hand slipping out from your shorts as if your skin had suddenly turned to ice. your heart is hammering, but itâs not from the pleasure anymore; itâs from pure, unadulterated terror.
you just pictured jay.
you were touching yourself, trying to build a future with the boy youâve liked for months, and your brain completely bypassed him to conjure the exact, devastating image of jay parkâs sharp jaw, his furrowed brows, and that tiny, pale scar cutting right across the bridge of his aristocratic nose.
a suffocating wave of reality hits you. it isn't jake. it has never been jake. not since you walked into room 314.
the next morning, the guilt is a physical sickness in your throat. you canât look at your phone. when jake texts you a picture of a golden retriever he saw on his walk, you reply with a short, polite emoji, your stomach twisting into knots. you are entirely, completely compromised.
by monday afternoon, you know what you have to do. you can't keep going to room 314. if you walk back into that room, if you let him put his hands on your waist one more time, you will never be able to look jake sim in the eye again. you will lose the entire script.
with shaking thumbs, you open your chat with jay.
you: hey jay. i think we should stop the lessons. i think i have everything i need now. thank you for everything.
you hit send and immediately flip your phone face-down on your duvet, burying your face in your hands. you expect him to reply with his usual lazy, arrogant âsure thing, newbieâ. you expect him to be relieved that his tutoring duties are officially over.
but three minutes later, your phone buzzes. then it buzzes again. and again.
jay: what do you mean? jay: did something happen? jay: newbie answer your phone. if i did something on thursday to make you uncomfortable you need to tell me. i told you we could go at your pace. did i pressure you?
the sheer, frantic panic in his messages makes your throat tighten. the cool, unbothered, perfectly composed jay park is completely gone, replaced by someone who sounds genuinely, deeply terrified that he hurt you.
you bite your lip, a stray tear slipping down your cheek as you type back.
you: no! no, jay, you didn't do anything wrong at all. you were perfect. it's just... things are getting serious with jake. he asked me out again this weekend. and since jake was the original purpose of the whole thing... i need to focus on him now. i have to be fair to him.
you watch the screen. the three little typing dots appear almost instantly. then they disappear. then they appear again. the silence stretching between your apartments feels agonizing.
finally, the phone buzzes one last time.
jay: right. the original purpose. jay: i get it. good luck this weekend, newbie. drive him crazy.
the text is so clinical, so brief, it feels like a physical slap. he doesn't fight it. he doesn't tease you. he just steps back into the box of the "instructor," closing the lid firmly behind him.
-------
the rest of the week passes in a gray, heavy blur. you don't go to the west quad. you take the long way around the library just so you don't have to risk seeing his tall silhouette walking past the glass windows.
friday night arrives, and you're sitting at the vanity in your bedroom, curling your hair for your second official date with jake. yunjin is leaning against your doorframe, watching you with a slight, curious frown.
"you're quiet today," yunjin notes, crossing her arms. "usually before a jake date you're bouncing off the walls. didn't your theoretical lessons with jay give you a confidence boost?"
"they did," you lie softly, your eyes fixed on your reflection. "i'm just... focused."
"well, jay's been acting weird too," yunjin shrugs, turning back toward the living room. "saw him at the student union yesterday. he looked like he hadn't slept in four days. completely tuned out."
your grip on the curling iron tightens so hard your palm aches. he's fine, you tell yourself desperately. he's jay park. he's glad to have his bed back to himself.
an hour later, you're sitting across from jake at a trendy, low-lit taco place downtown. the restaurant is loud, music bouncing off the brick walls. jake is looking at you with that sweet, boyish grin, talking animatedly about his soccer coach's ridiculous training schedule.
he's perfect. he's everything you wanted.
but as the noise of the restaurant swells, jake leans across the small wooden table, his face closing the distance to say something over the music. your brain immediately fires a memory â the heavy weight of jay's chest pressed against your back, his lips brushing the shell of your ear, his low voice whispering 'we're in a quiet room, stop playing games with me.'
"hey," jake says, his hand reaching out to lightly tap your wrist. "you there? you looked like you were a million miles away."
"i'm here," you say, forcing a bright, sweet smile onto your face. "sorry, just listening."
when the date ends, jake walks you all the way back to your apartment building. the air on the porch is cool, the dim amber light of the streetlamp casting long shadows over the brick steps. it's the exact setup from a week ago. the final act.
jake stands close, his dark eyes looking down at you with a soft, undeniable affection. he reaches out, his fingers gently tucking a stray curl behind your ear. his hand is nice. it's sweet.
"i had a really great time tonight," jake whispers, leaning in slowly.
your heart spikes, your body automatically going rigid as you realize itâs happening. this is it. the practical application. jake tilts his head, his eyes dropping to your mouth before closing as he bridges the final inch.
his lips press against yours.
it is a perfectly nice kiss. it's gentle, polite, and safe. but as jake's mouth moves against yours, your brain does absolutely nothing. there is no white-hot rush of electricity. there is no heavy, suffocating gravity pulling at your soul. your hands stay flat against your sides, entirely lacking the desperate urge to slide beneath his shirt, to grip his broad shoulders, to tangle into his hair.
jake pulls back after a few seconds, a sweet, satisfied smile on his face. "goodnight," he murmurs, ruffling your hair gently before turning to walk down the steps.
you stand on the porch in the quiet night air, staring at his retreating back. your lips feel completely cold. your skin feels entirely empty. and as you turn the key in your apartment lock, a crushing, definitive truth finally breaks through the last of your defenses.
the lessons didn't prepare you for jake sim. they ruined you for anyone who isn't jay park.
-------
you keep trying.
you really, truly do. you go on a third date with jake to an indie movie theater, and a fourth date where he cooks dinner for you at his apartment. he is everything a boyfriend should be â attentive, sweet, incredibly handsome, and completely respectful. but every time he holds your hand, your fingers feel numb. every time he leans down to kiss you goodnight on your porch, your mind is a completely flat, silent room.
there are no shivers. there is no gravelly voice whispering âbreathe, newbieâ against your skin. there is no heavy, intoxicating scent of sandalwood.
you are physically with jake sim, but you are entirely haunted by jay park.
you miss him. you miss him so much it feels like a physical ache in the center of your chest. you miss the arrogant, lazy smirks that you eventually learned how to kiss right off his face. you miss the way his large, warm hands felt sliding underneath your sweater. you miss the breathless, quiet aftercare where he would just stroke your hair and tell you you did perfect.
you haven't received a single text from him in two weeks. your chat history sits at the bottom of your messages, a cold, clinical reminder of "the original purpose."
then comes tuesday afternoon.
youâre sitting on the living room rug of your apartment, your knees pulled to your chest as you stare blankly at a textbook you haven't actually read a page of in thirty minutes. yunjin is sitting on the couch right behind you, painting her toenails a vibrant shade of cherry red.
the apartment is completely quiet except for the rhythmic swipe, swipe of her nail brush.
"hey," yunjin speaks up suddenly, not looking up from her pinky toe. "so, i ran into jake at the gym earlier today."
your shoulders instantly tighten. "oh. yeah?"
"yeah. he was glowing, honestly," yunjin says, finally capping the nail polish and leaning back against the cushions. she looks down at the top of your head, her sharp eyes narrowing in a familiar, hyper-observant squint. "he said things are going amazingly with you. he literally told me you're the most perfect, sweet girl heâs ever met."
you let out a tiny, hollow sound that is supposed to be a laugh, but it sounds incredibly sad. "that's... nice."
"so..." yunjin trails off, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. her voice drops into a lighter, teasing tone. "come on. spill. how are the advanced lessons going? did jay's theoretical tutoring actually work? did he give you the magic playbook or what?"
at the mention of his name, something inside you completely snaps.
the two weeks of suffocating guilt, the crushing weight of the lies, the phantom feeling of jay's mouth on yours, and the sheer, exhausting misery of pretending to be happy with jake all come crashing down at once. your eyes suddenly sting with hot, angry tears, and a shaky, broken sob escapes your throat before you can even think to mask it.
yunjin freezes. her jaw practically drops to the floor as she watches your shoulders violently shake, your face burying themselves into your knees.
"waitâ oh my god, hey," yunjin stammers, instantly sliding off the couch and dropping to the rug beside you. she wraps a panicked arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. "what's wrong? did jake do something? did he hurt you? i will literally fight him right nowâ"
"no!" you sob out, your voice muffled and thick with tears as you shake your head against your knees. "no, jake didn't do anything! jake is perfect! he's so sweet!"
"then why are you crying like someone died?" yunjin asks, completely bewildered, her hand rubbing your back in a comforting motion. "if jake is perfect, what's wrong?"
you lift your head, your face a catastrophic, tear-stained shade of purple, your chest heaving as you look at your best friend.
"it's jay," you choke out, the truth finally tearing its way out of your chest.
yunjin blinks, her eyebrows furrowing in deep confusion. "jay? jay park? what does he have to do with you crying about jake?"
"the lessons," you whisper, a fresh wave of tears spilling over your lashes. "they... they weren't theoretical, yunjin. i lied to you. i lied to everyone."
yunjinâs entire body goes completely still. her grip on your shoulder tightens as she stares at you, the dots in her highly perceptive brain suddenly trying to connect a picture she never expected to see. "what do you mean they weren't theoretical?"
"we... we did a practical lesson, a lot of them, actually," you confess, your voice cracking with pure, unadulterated embarrassment, but the relief of finally saying it out loud is a physical weight lifting off your lungs. "the first few weeks were just talking, but then... when he was telling me how to kiss someone correctly, i panicked because i thought i'd be bad at kissing jake. so i asked jay for a real example. and he kissed me."
yunjinâs eyes widen to the size of literal dinner saucers. "jay kissed you?"
"yes," you whine, covering your face with your hands. "and then it happened again. and again. and then we started meeting almost every single day. we weren't even studying anymore, yunjin. i would sit on his lap for a whole hour and we just made out on and on. and then last week... we... we did some more things, and he showed me what felt good for me, too. with his hands, and hisâ his mouth."
yunjin lets out a sharp, breathless gasp, her hand flying over her mouth. she looks completely, utterly flabbergasted, her jaw practically unhinged. "oh my god. oh my god. you and jay... you guys were sleeping together?"
"not all the way! but yes!" you cry out, pulling your hands away from your face, looking at her desperately. "and the whole time, i kept telling myself it was for jake. i kept saying 'oh, i'm just a newbie getting hands-on experience so i can be good for jake'. i even tried to touch myself thinking about jake afterwards, but yunjin... when i closed my eyes, all i could see was jay. i saw his face, and his hair, and his nose scar."
yunjin is staring at you like youâve just spoken to her in a foreign language. she is completely speechless, processing the absolute bombshell you just dropped into her living room.
"so... so i stopped the lessons, everything," you whisper, your voice dropping to a broken, miserable murmur as you look down at your lap. "i texted him and told him i had to focus on jake. and he just said okay. and now i'm going on these dates with jake, and he's so nice, yunjin, he really is... but i⊠don't feel anything. when jake kisses me, it's just... cold. i don't want jake to touch me. i just want jay. i miss him so much it hurts, and i'm a horrible person because i used him as a textbook and now i've completely ruined everything."
you bury your face back in your hands, your shoulders shaking as you let the final wave of tears take over, waiting for yunjin to lecture you, to tell you how reckless you were, or to tell you how completely messy this entire situation is.
instead, yunjin lets out a long, slow, and incredibly deep exhale. she reaches out, gently pulling your hands away from your face, forcing you to look at her. the initial shock on her face has melted away, replaced by a look of sheer, unbelievable realization.
"my love," yunjin says slowly, her voice completely serious. "are you actually an idiot?"
you blink through your tears, sniffing. "what?"
"you think you used jay park?" yunjin asks, letting out a wild, disbelieving laugh. "are we talking about the same jay park? the guy who has half the girls on the humanities campus begging for a text back? the guy who doesn't let anyone into his personal space, let alone his dorm room?"
you wipe your eyes with the back of your sleeve, confused. "but... it was a casual thing. he was just being a good instructor..."
"oh my god, you are a literal child," yunjin groans, throwing her hands up in the air. "listen to me. jay fucking park did not give you a 'practical lesson' because he cares about your future with jake sim. he did not spend an hour letting you straddle his lap and eat his face because heâs a dedicated tutor. he did those things because he is completely, utterly obsessed with you, you absolute moron!"
the conversation with yunjin stays ringing in your ears for the rest of the week, a loud, echoing truth that makes your chest feel completely hollow. he is completely, utterly obsessed with you. you want to believe it. god, you want to believe it so bad, but the memory of his final text â âgood luck this weekend, newbie. drive him crazy.â â stands like a massive brick wall between you and room 314.
and then, jake texts you.
itâs not a casual, low-effort âgrab coffee?â or a late-night invite to watch him play soccer. he sends a long, beautifully constructed message, asking you on a proper, official date to a high-end jazz lounge downtown that requires a reservation weeks in advance. he tells you heâs been noticing your new confidence lately â the way you hold yourself, the lingering eye contact, the ease in your posture â and that he likes you. a lot. he wants to make things official.
a month ago, a text like that would have made you collapse onto your bedroom floor in pure, unadulterated ecstasy. it was the ultimate finish line. the exact gold medal you had been sweating and crying for under jay's brutal, meticulous guidance.
so, you say yes. you force yourself to put on your prettiest dress, you spend an hour doing your makeup, and you walk down the steps of your building to meet jakeâs car.
the jazz lounge is beautiful. the dim, amber lighting reflects off the polished mahogany tables, the music is soft and smooth, and jake looks incredibly handsome in a dark blazer. he handles the evening perfectly. he pulls out your chair, he orders the best wine on the menu, and he looks at you with a heavy, sweet admiration that makes your cheeks warm.
"you look absolutely stunning tonight," jake murmurs, reaching across the white tablecloth to gently squeeze your fingers. "honestly, i feel like a different girl walked down the steps today. you've always been gorgeous, but lately... there's just something about you. you're so captivating."
you force a soft smile, nodding your head. "thank you, jake. that's... really sweet."
but as his fingers linger on yours, the crushing reality of the evening finally settles over you.
itâs nice. itâs objectively perfect. but it feels completely, utterly empty.
you sit there, listening to the saxophone player on the stage, and you find yourself looking at the way jake laughs. itâs a nice laugh, but it doesn't make your stomach do a violent, hot flip. you look at his hands, and you realize you don't have the slightest urge to slip your fingers beneath his cuffs. you look at his lips, and the thought of his mouth on yours doesn't make your breath catch.
and in that exact, agonizing moment, the grand illusion you've been clinging to for weeks finally shatters into a million jagged pieces.
you aren't projecting. you aren't using jay as a proxy.
you are deeply, completely, and irrevocably in love with park jay.
the realization hits you with the force of a physical blow, making your breath leave your lungs in a sharp, silent gasp. it isn't just about the mechanics or the white-hot heat of his mattress. itâs the way his dark eyes soften into a fierce, protective warmth whenever you look up at him through your lashes. itâs the patient, steady way he guides you when you panic, never pushing, always making sure you feel safe. itâs the quiet, breathless aftercare where he brushes the hair from your forehead, calling you sweetheart in a voice so thick and honest it makes your soul ache. itâs the easy, effortless way you laugh together between the heavy tension, the real, undeniable connection that you built brick by brick in that small, sandalwood-scented dorm room.
jay didn't teach you how to love jake sim. jay taught you how to love him.
"hey," jake's voice breaks through your thoughts, his brow furrowing with genuine concern as he leans in closer. "are you okay? you're really pale suddenly."
you look at jake â at his kind, sweet face â and you realize that staying here, pretending to be the girl he wants, is the cruelest thing you could possibly do to him. you can't live a lie anymore. the script is over.
"jake," you whisper, your voice trembling as you gently pull your hand back from his grip. "i'm... i'm so sorry. i can't do this."
jake blinks, completely caught off guard. "what? did i say something wrong?"
"no, you're perfect," you say, a tear finally spilling over your lashes as you grab your purse from the back of the chair. "you are absolutely wonderful, jake, i swear. but... my heart is somewhere else. itâs been somewhere else for a long time, and itâs not fair to keep dragging you into it. iâm so, so sorry."
before he can even process the words, you stand up from the table and walk â almost run â straight out of the jazz lounge, leaving the music behind you.
the moment you hit the cool night air of the sidewalk, you don't call a cab. you don't go back to your apartment to cry to yunjin. you sprint.
your heels click loudly against the concrete as you rush toward the west quad, your lungs burning, your heart hammering a desperate, terrifying rhythm against your ribs. the wind completely ruins your curled hair, and your breath comes in short, ragged gasps, but you don't care. the only thing that matters is the distance between you and room 314, and you need to eliminate it right now.
you burst through the heavy glass doors of his building, practically flying up the stairs three at a time because the elevator is too slow, too claustrophobic for the sudden, desperate panic roaring through your veins.
you reach the third floor, your chest heaving as you run down the carpeted hallway until you're standing directly in front of his heavy wooden door.
you don't wait to compose yourself. you don't brace your shoulders or try to be normal. you lift your shaking hand and knock against the wood, loudly, your whole body trembling in the quiet corridor.
the heavy wooden door swings open almost immediately, the sudden movement revealing jay standing in the entryway. heâs wearing an oversized black hoodie and matching sweatpants, his dark hair messy as if heâd been running his fingers through it repeatedly.
the second his dark eyes lock onto you, he freezes. his gaze sweeps over your ruined curls, the formal dress youâre wearing, the rapid rise and fall of your chest, and the fresh tears spilling over your cheeks.
"newbie?" jay rasps, his voice completely stripping of its usual calm, unbothered composure. he steps forward, his hands instantly coming up to hover near your shoulders, completely shocked. "whatâ what are you doing here? why are you crying? did something happen with jake? did he hurt you? i swear to god i'll killâ"
"i'm in love with you," you blurts out, the words tearing out of your throat in a shaky, breathless sob before he can even finish his sentence.
jay stops dead in his tracks. his hands freeze in mid-air, his jaw dropping open just a fraction as his entire body goes completely rigid. the quiet corridor feels extremely silent, the heavy weight of your words hanging in the space between you.
"i'm in love with you," you repeat, a fresh wave of hot tears blurring your vision as you look up at his face. you feel incredibly shy, completely stripped of your armor, your voice dropping to a small, trembling whisper. "i went on the date with jake. he was perfect, jay. he took me to that jazz lounge, and he held my hand, and he told me i was beautiful... but it felt completely empty. i didn't want him to touch me. i didn't want him to kiss me. because the whole time, the only person i could think about was you. i thought about how you look at me, and how safe i feel when you hold me, and... and i realized i've been lying to myself for weeks. i don't want jake. i want you. i've always wanted you."
jay stares down at you, his expression completely blank for three long, agonizing seconds. you feel a sudden, terrifying wave of panic hit your stomach, convinced youâve just made the biggest mistake of your life.
then, jayâs shoulders start to shake.
he drops his head back, a sudden, sharp bark of laughter escaping his lips. he keeps laughing, a breathless, rough sound that makes your heart sink into your shoes. heâs laughing at me, you think completely mortified, stepping back a fraction. yunjin was wrong, he thinks i'm patheticâ
before you can even take a full step away, jay moves.
his large hands shoot forward, wrapping securely around your waist, and with one heavy, desperate pull, he yanks you forward into his dorm room. the door slams shut behind you with a loud, final click, and suddenly, you are crushed completely against his broad chest.
jay wraps his strong arms around you, burying his face deep into the crook of your neck, holding you so tight itâs almost bruising. you can feel the heavy, erratic thumping of his heart against your ribs, his whole body trembling slightly as he holds you like youâre about to disappear.
"jay?" you squeak out, your hands hesitantly coming up to clutch at the thick fabric of his black hoodie.
"i'm not laughing at you, newbie," jay murmurs against your skin, his voice thick, ragged, and completely devoid of his usual arrogance. he lets out another low, disbelieving chuckle right into your hair, his grip tightening. "i'm just... i'm in complete disbelief. i can't believe you're actually standing here saying this to me."
he slowly draws his head back, keeping his large hands firmly anchored on your waist so you can't move away. his dark eyes are incredibly heavy, looking down at your tear-stained face with a raw, consuming tenderness that completely melts your heart.
"you are such a moron," jay whispers, a soft, beautiful smile finally breaking across his sharp features. "you really thought this was all just a clinical lesson for me? you think i let you straddle my lap for a whole hour because i'm a dedicated tutor?"
you sniff, looking up at him through your lashes. "yunjin said..."
"yunjin was right," jay interrupts softly, his thumb rising to gently wipe away a stray tear from your cheek, his touch unbelievably sweet. "iâve liked you for weeks, sweetheart. even a month, probably. do you have any idea what it was like for me to sit in that chair and listen to you ramble on about jake sim every single week? i hated it. i hated every single time his name left your mouth. i wanted to throw him across the campus every time you showed me a text from him."
you blink, your heart spiking. "then why didn't you say anything?"
"because i was terrified," jay admits honestly, his jaw clenching slightly as his dark eyes lock onto yours. "you came to me so innocent, so focused on this dream you had of being with him. i was so scared that if i told you how i felt, i would pressure you. i was scared i'd ruin your confidence, or make you feel trapped in the lessons. i didn't want to hurt your feelings. so when you texted me on monday saying you were done..."
he pauses, his breathing turning shallow as he leans his forehead lightly against yours, his hot breath fanning across your lips.
"i was resigned," he whispers, his voice dropping to a gravelly, vulnerable register. "i decided to just let you go to him. i thought, if jake makes her happy, i'll just step back and let her have her perfect boyfriend. it almost killed me, newbie. i haven't slept a full hour since monday."
hearing his confession makes your chest ache with a sudden, overwhelming wave of love. you lift your hands, your fingers tangling deep into the soft, dark hair at the back of his neck, pulling him that final, microscopic inch closer.
"you don't have to let me go," you whisper directly against his lips. "i'm right here."
"yeah," jay murmurs, his dark eyes flashing with that familiar, possessive heat right before his mouth crashes onto yours. "you're right here."
the weight of his confession still hangs in the air of his room, but the heavy emotional armor youâve both been wearing for weeks has completely shattered. your fingers are knotted so tightly in the dark hair at the back of his neck that your knuckles ache, your body pulling flush against his broad chest until there is absolutely no space left between you.
jay doesn't give you a single second to breathe. the moment your lips touch, the familiar, intoxicating taste of him rushes over you, but this time, the desperate restraint he had been clinging to during the "lessons" is completely gone. his mouth crashes into yours with a raw, possessive hunger that makes your knees instantly turn to water. it isn't a demonstration. it isn't a baseline. it is a fierce, consuming claim that leaves you both dizzy.
"jay," you gasp against his lips, a soft, helpless sound escaping your throat as his mouth slides hungrily down your jawline, his teeth gently nipping at the sensitive skin right beneath your ear.
"i've got you," jay rasps, his voice an incredibly deep, gravelly vibration against your neck. "i've got you, sweetheart. you're not going anywhere."
his large hands slide down from your waist, his broad palms gripping the undersides of your thighs with a sudden, bruising force. with one effortless, powerful lift, jay hoists you completely off the ground. you let out a sharp gasp, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as he carries you the three short steps over to his bed, collapsing both of you onto the unmade blankets.
the impact is soft, but the physical heat between you is instantly blinding. jay hovers directly over you, his heavy frame anchoring you to the mattress, his dark hair falling messy across his forehead as he looks down at your flushed, breathless face. his eyes are darker than youâve ever seen them, blazing with a fierce, protective intensity that makes your heart thump wildly against your ribs.
"look at you," jay whispers, his chest heaving under his black hoodie as his thumb traces the swollen, red curve of your bottom lip. "you're actually here. in my bed. telling me you want me."
"i do," you breathe out, your hands sliding beneath the hem of his hoodie to press your bare palms flat against the warm, defined muscles of his lower back. "i want you so bad, jay."
a low, ragged growl catches in his throat at the touch of your bare skin. he leans back down, his mouth devouring yours in a deep, wet, frantic rhythm that completely shatters the last of your control. his tongue slides possessively over yours, guiding your mouth to open wider, drinking in every single soft, broken moan you make.
the physical friction escalates instantly. jay shifts his weight, his heavy hips settling right between your thighs, the thick, rigid length of his arousal pressing hard through his sweatpants directly against your core. your dress is hiked up around your waist, leaving only the thin fabric of your underwear between your bodies. instinctively, a desperate, white-hot hunger takes over your body, and your hips tilt upward, a slow, heavy grind against his lap as you chase the unbearable pressure.
"fuck," jay groans directly into your mouth, his eyes flying shut as his entire body goes completely rigid at the sudden friction. his hands move to your hips, his long fingers digging into your skin to hold you still, but the desperate, needy roll of your pelvis makes a rough, unvarnished swear escape his lips. "newbie... shit, hold on. you're going to break me."
"no," you whine, your hands slipping out from his hoodie to clutch tightly at his broad shoulders, your eyes fluttering open to look up at him through your lashes. "don't stop, jay. please. i've been thinking about this for weeks."
the admission completely breaks his remaining restraint. jay lets out a sharp, ragged exhale and lets his hips move, matching your upward tilts with a heavy, rhythmic grind of his own. the dry humping is agonizingly perfect, the thick, hard pressure of his length rubbing relentlessly against your hyper-sensitive core through the fabric of his clothes. every single slide makes your head spin, your fingers digging deep into the soft cotton of his hoodie as you arch your back off the mattress, a loud, unvarnished cry echoing through the quiet room.
"yes, just like that," jay murmurs, his voice a ragged, breathless rasp as he buries his face back in your neck, his lips pressing a trail of burning, wet kisses along your collarbone. "let me feel you. god, you're so hot, sweetheart. you feel so fucking good."
he shifts the angle of his hips, grinding harder, deeper, targeting the exact spot that makes your whole body tremble. you lose all track of time, completely drowning in the suffocating heat of his body, the rough friction between your thighs, and the intoxicating, raw intimacy of hearing him lose his mind beneath your touch. his chest is heaving violently against yours, his breathing shallow and rough as his hips thrust down in a fast, desperate rhythm that brings you both dangerously close to the edge.
"jay," you sob out, your head tossing back against the pillows, your core weeping with a desperate, heavy ache that dry humping can no longer satisfy. "jay, please. i don't want the clothes anymore. i want to feel you. really feel you."
jay stops his movement instantly. he draws back, his chest rising and falling in deep, ragged gasps as he looks down at you. his face is flushed, his eyes clouded with a fierce, overwhelming hunger, but beneath the passion, that deep, protective tenderness returns with a beautiful clarity.
"newbie," he whispers, his hands gently framing your face, his thumbs wiping away the tears from your cheeks. "are you sure? your first time... i want it to be perfect for you. i don't want to rush this."
"i'm sure," you say, your voice remarkably steady despite the anxious beating of your heart. you look straight into his dark eyes, your fingers rising to gently trace the tiny pale scar on his nose that had given the lie away. "i love you, jay. i want it to be you. teach me the rest."
a profound, heavy silence settles over the room, the raw emotion of your words melting away the last remnants of the old "lessons." this isn't an educational baseline anymore. this is a confession, a complete surrender, and jay handles it with a reverence that makes your eyes sting with happy tears.
"okay," jay whispers, his voice dropping into a soft, beautifully thick register. "okay, sweetheart."
slowly, deliberately, he sits back on his heels. his large, warm hands move to the hem of your dress, gently and carefully sliding the fabric up over your hips, your waist, and over your head, tossing it onto the floor. his eyes track the movement, his gaze raking over your exposed skin with an unvarnished, breathless admiration that makes you feel completely worshiped. he reaches down, his long fingers hooking into the sides of your underwear, easing them down your legs until you are completely bare beneath him.
"you are so beautiful," jay murmurs, his voice shaking slightly as he leans down to press a soft, lingering kiss to your bare stomach. "absolutely perfect."
he stands up briefly, pulling the black hoodie over his head and kicking his sweatpants away, revealing his broad, heavily defined chest and the thick, white-hot length of his arousal. when he slides back onto the mattress, the sheer, raw heat of his naked skin making contact with yours sends a violent shock of adrenaline through your veins.
he hovers over you again, but this time, he doesn't immediately move to progress things. he takes his time. his large, warm hand slides down your side, his palm resting flat against your hip as he gently coaxes your knees apart, sliding his body between your thighs. he leans down, his mouth sealing over yours in a slow, agonizingly sweet kiss that tastes of absolute devotion. his fingers slide down, finding the slick, dripping heat between your legs, and he uses two fingers to slowly stroke your core, priming you, making sure you are completely prepared for him.
"relax for me," jay whispers against your lips, his thumb applying a steady, heavy pressure that makes your hips instinctively lift. "i'm going to go so slow, sweetheart. if it hurts, you tell me to stop. understand?"
"i understand," you whimper, your fingers tangling into his dark hair, pulling his face down so you can kiss him again.
jay pulls his hand away, the sudden loss of contact making you let out a needy whine, but then you feel the heavy, smooth head of his shaft aligning directly against your tight, wet opening. the sheer thickness of him makes your breath hitch, your hands instantly clutching at the firm muscles of his shoulders.
"look at me," jay commands softly, his voice a low, gravelly purr.
you blink your eyes open, your vision slightly blurry from the sheer intensity of the moment, to find him staring down at you with a consuming, fierce possessiveness. his dark eyes are entirely focused on yours, locking you in place.
slowly, with an agonizingly careful, steady pressure, jay sinks his hips down.
the initial stretch is tight, a sharp, white-hot pinch of discomfort making your eyes widen as a soft, broken gasp escapes your parted lips. your body automatically tenses beneath him, your fingers digging deep into the skin of his shoulders.
instantly, jay stops. he freezes in place, only a fraction of his length inside you, his jaw clenching hard as he battles his own primal urge to thrust. a thin layer of sweat glistening on his skin, but his entire focus remains totally on your comfort.
"i know, i know," jay murmurs sweetly, his face dipping down to press a series of soft, comforting kisses to your eyelids, your burning cheeks, and the tip of your nose. "breathe through your nose, newbie. just like i taught you. let your body adapt to me."
he reaches down, his large hand finding your core again, his thumb rubbing slow, heavy circles against your sensitive skin while he stays perfectly still inside you. the steady, masterful friction slowly melts away the sharp pinch, replacing the discomfort with a deep, heavy wave of slick, throbbing heat. your muscles slowly relax, opening up around him, practically begging for the rest of his weight.
"jay," you whisper, your hips giving a tiny, tentative upward nudge. "more. please."
"good girl," jay rasps, a low, broken hum of absolute approval escaping his chest.
he shifts his hands, wrapping his long fingers securely around your waist, anchoring you to the mattress. slowly, smoothly, he pushes his hips down the rest of the way, burying his entire length deep inside your tight, wet heat. a loud, unvarnished cry tears out of your throat, your legs instinctively wrapping tightly around his waist to pull him even closer as the sheer, overwhelming fullness of him completely consumes your senses.
jay lets out a deep, guttural groan, his head burying themselves into the crook of your neck as he stays completely buried inside you for three long, breathless seconds, letting you adjust to the magnificent weight of him.
"you're so tight, sweetheart," jay whispers, his voice completely ungrounded, shaking with a raw emotion that has absolutely nothing to do with a lesson. "you feel so perfect around me. fuck. you're mine. you know that, right? you're completely mine now."
"i'm yours," you sob out, your hands sliding up his back, feeling the unsteady rhythm of his heart beneath your fingers. "i'm yours, jay."
when he finally begins to move, it is the furthest thing from the clinical, calculated pacing of before. it is slow, incredibly deep, and heavy with a fierce, possessive passion. jay draws his hips back until he is almost entirely out, making you let out a needy, panicked gasp, before sliding back in with a long, smooth stroke that drives straight to the center of your ache.
âahâ jay!â you cry out, your head tossing back against the pillows as the relentless, deep rhythm takes over the small room.
he guides you through every single movement. when your breathing gets too frantic, jay uses his grip on your waist to lift your hips slightly, slowing the pace down, lingering deep inside you until your breath catches in sync with his. his mouth is everywhere â kissing your lips, your jaw, biting softly on your neck, leaving dark, faint marks on your skin that say louder than words exactly who you belong to.
"you're doing so good for me, baby," jay praises you, his voice a heavy rumble right against your ear. his breathing is completely shattered, his chest slick with sweat as it crushes against yours with every single deep, driving thrust. "look at you. you're taking all of me so perfectly. so pretty for me, sweetheart."
the explicit, loving praises send jolts of pure electricity straight down your spine. you grow bolder, your fingers digging into his hips as you match his pace, lifting your pelvis to meet his downward thrusts, creating a flawless, sharp friction that completely breaks his remaining restraint.
the pacing quickly turns heated, the slow tenderness fracturing beneath a sudden, overwhelming wave of raw, unadulterated passion. jay's dark brows furrow in a look of pure agony, swears escaping his lips with every single heavy, pounding thrust. he moves faster, deeper, his hips crashing against yours with a bruising, desperate force that makes the entire bed shake.
"jay... jay, i'm close," you sob out, the tight, hot knot in your lower stomach coiling so tightly you can barely breathe. your fingers tangle desperately into his damp hair, pulling him down, needing his mouth on yours as your climax approaches.
jay snaps his eyes open, his dark gaze locking onto yours with a terrifying, beautiful amount of gravity. "look at me," he rasps, his hips thrusting deep, holding you completely still beneath him. "look at me when you break, sweetheart. let me see you."
you look up through your lashes, staring straight into his cloudless, fierce eyes as he delivers three fast, incredibly deep thrusts. the coiling tension inside you completely snaps, a blinding wave of pure, white-hot release crashing over your entire body. you let out a loud, broken cry, your inner muscles clamping tightly around his length in violent, pulsing spasms.
the sudden, tight friction completely breaks jay's remaining control. he lets out a deep, guttural cry against your mouth, his jaw clenching so hard the veins stand out against his neck as his hips give one final, breathless thrust, burying himself as deep as physically possible inside you as his own release hits him.
jay stays buried deep inside you for a long moment, his chest pressed flush against your back as both of you come down from the high. his lips brush lazy, open-mouthed kisses along your shoulder, like he canât stop touching you even now.
âare you okay, pretty?â he murmurs, voice rough and low against your skin.
you nod, still catching your breath, a shy smile tugging at your lips. âmore than okay.â
he hums in satisfaction and carefully pulls out, immediately rolling you over so youâre facing him. his large hand slides up your side, gentle and possessive at the same time, as he tucks you against his chest. for a while, neither of you speaks. the only sounds are your slowing heartbeats and the distant hum of campus life outside his window.
jayâs fingers trace slow circles on your bare back.
âso,â he says after a long beat, that familiar lazy grin creeping into his voice, âhow do you feel now that youâve graduated from my lessons?â
you let out a soft laugh, hiding your burning face in the crook of his neck. âi feel like an idiot.â
âyeah?â he chuckles, the sound vibrating through his chest. âtook you long enough to figure it out.â
you pull back just enough to look at him, your fingers brushing the tiny scar on his nose. âwhy didnât you say anything sooner? all those weeks⊠you just kept teaching me like it didnât kill you every time i mentioned jake.â
jayâs expression softens. he cups your cheek, thumb stroking your skin with surprising tenderness.
âbecause you came to me wanting help to get another guy,â he says quietly. âi wasnât going to be the asshole who messed with your head while you were vulnerable. even if it sucked. even if i wanted to throw my laptop across the room every time you showed me his texts.â
he leans in and kisses you slowly, deeply â nothing like the heated frenzy from earlier. this one feels like a promise.
when he pulls back, his forehead rests against yours.
âfor the record,â he murmurs, smiling again, âyou were never going to end up with jake. not after the first time you asked me for a âpractical example.â i knew it then. you were already mine.â
you groan, embarrassed but smiling. âyouâre so cocky.â
âand you love it.â
you do.
jay pulls the blanket higher over your shoulders and wraps both arms around you, holding you like heâs afraid you might disappear if he lets go. his lips brush your temple.
âno more lessons,â he whispers. âno more pretending. just this. just us.â
you press a soft kiss to his collarbone, already drifting off in the warmth of his embrace.
âjust us,â you echo.
as sleep starts to pull you under, you feel jay smile against your hair.
âyou see this number here?â sunghoon said gently, his voice low so it wouldnât carry outside your bedroom. his slender finger tapped lightly on the exercise book. âyeah, you have to bring it forward when youâre factoring. like thisâŠâ
he wrote the next step nearly in his clean handwriting, then slid the pen back to you. his arm brushed yours in the process, warm and familiar. you nodded, cheeks a little warm.
the two of you were sitting side by side at your white study desk, the table lamp casting a warm, quiet glow over the papers and textbooks. it was past 10p.m., and the rest of the house had gone silent.Â
your parents had probably gone to bed tooâleaving just you and your older brother awake. he had offered to help you prepare for your college entrance exam for a scholarshipânever making you feel stupid even when you got stuck on the same type of question three times in a row now.
âoh⊠uh huh,â you murmured, biting your bottom lip in concentration. âso⊠then i multiply this part?â
âmmhm, exactly.â he smiled softly, the gentle older brother's proud smile that always made youâand everyone elseâflutter more than it should. âyouâre getting it. see? youâre smarter than you think.â
you tried to keep working, scribbling the next line, but you could feel him watching you instead of the paper. his chair was pulled so close that your shoulders nearly touched. every time you shifted, your knee brushed his under the desk.
a few more minutes passed with quiet explanationsâhis voice calm and steady as he guided you through the next few questions. but the air between you only thickened.Â
when you got stuck again, sunghoon leaned in a little closer to point something out. his breath brushed your temple.
âright here,â he murmured, tapping the edge of the ruler against the paper. âyouâre overcomplicating it, angel.âÂ
the pet name slipped out so naturally, so softly, that both of you froze for half a second. you slowly turned your head to look at him, and he was already watching you, eyes wide like he hadnât meant to say it out loud.
a small, shy laugh escaped you, breaking the sudden tension. you dropped your gaze back to the paper.
âiâm never gonna get that spot,â you mumbled, halfâjoking, halfâfrustrated.Â
your older brother chuckled softly. âhaâthatâs not true. youâre doing really well. you just need to slow down a bit. i believe in you, hm?â
he gave you an encouraging little nudge with his elbow, gentle as always. you pouted, then nodded and tried the question again, carefully moving the numbers and algebras around the way he showed you.Â
while you worked, you could feel his eyes on you.Â
sunghoonâs gaze dropped to your lips. he was staring at the quietly, almost unconsiouslyâhis attention was pulled to them. the way they moved when you concentrated⊠the way you darted your tongue out to wet the fleshâŠ
his eyes lingered there, dark and yearning and wondering, his usual gentle expression carrying something heavier. he didnât even realise how obvious it was.
you circled your final answer and looked up at him.
âlike thisâŠ?â you asked softly.
sunghoon didnât answer right away. he kept staring at your lips for another second before his eyes slowly lifted to meet yours. the air between you changed, the math completely forgotten for him.
then, almost like he couldnât hold it in anymore, he whisperedâ
âcan i kiss you?â
his voice was quiet, a little nervous, but full of longing. his hand had moved away from the ruler and now resting near yours on the desk, fingers barely an inch away. he didnât move closer, didnât pushâjust waited, eyes soft and hopeful, heart clearly racing behind that lovely expression.
you blinked at him innocently, heart racing as well, but a tiny secret thrill curled in your tummy. instead of answering right awayâyou bit your lower lip and looked down at the math paper like you were shy, even though you knew exactly what you were doing.Â
you let the silence stretch just long enough for his fingers to twitch nervously near yours.
â...but weâre studying, hoonie,â you said softly, voice sweet and a little pouty, glancing up at him through your lashes. âyouâre not supposed to want to kiss me now.â
you watched his reaction carefullyâthe way his breath hitched, the slight guilt flickering across his gentle face. it made something warm bloom in his chest. you shifted a little closer, your knee pressing against his.
âbutâŠâ you added, quieter. âif you really want to⊠i wonât stop you.â
your older brother searched your face, clearly torn between what he knew was right and how badly he wanted this. you tilted your head slightly, giving him that sweet little sister smile you knew heâd always been weak for.
your fingers brushed against hisâalmost accidental⊠but not really.
âhm?â
that was all it took.
sunghoon leaned in, one hand coming up to cradle the side of your face so tenderly it almost felt innocent. his thumb brushed your cheek.
you swore to god you thought he was going to be gentle and soft with itâbut the second his lips met yoursâŠ
sunghoon crashed into you.
the kiss was sudden and hungry, almost desperate. there was no hesitation, no careful testing. one moment his thumb was stroking your cheek, the next his mouth was claiming yours like heâd been starving. a low sound rumbled in his chest as he pressed forward, lips hot and demandingâtilting his head to deepen the kiss instantly.
your eyes widened in surprise before fluttering shut. this wasnât the soft older brother who patiently explained math to you. this was a hidden yearning breaking loose all at once.
you were reminded of how rough he was when both of you finally broke the line.
âah,â he moaned softly, lips moving against yours with a hunger that made your head spin, sucking lightly on your bottom lip before sliding his tongue into your mouth without warning. you whimpered into the kiss, fingers instinctively grabbing onto his shirt as he pulled you closer, the study chair creaking under the shift.
you tasted so good it was dizzying. the kiss grew messier, more passionate, his hand still cradling your face but now gripping a little tighter, thumb pressing into your cheek like he needed to feel you were real.Â
another low groan vibrated against your lips as he angled his head the other way and kissed you even harder, tongue stroking yours in slow, filthy strokes that made heat pool in your tummy.
âhnghâhoonie,â you breathed shakily, pulling back for air, barely an inch away. his lips were flushed and slightly swollen, eyes dark with lust. your breathing ragged, chest rising and falling quickly as you tried to steady yourself.
sunghoonâs hand was still cupping your cheek, thumb trembling slightly against your skin. he looked dazed, like he couldnât believe this was really happeningâthat he was kissing his little sister again like this, tongue deep in your mouth just seconds ago.Â
âyn,â he murmured, licking around his lips. his forehead pressed against yours, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. when he opened them again, his gaze instantly dropped to your wet lips.Â
âi want more.âÂ
before you could even respond, his hands slid down to your waist. with an eager motion, your older brother pulled you onto his lap. your knees settled on either side of his thighs as he tugged you flush against him, your short pyjama bottoms brushing against his gray sweatpants. the moment you were seated on him, a shaky exhale left his lips.
âangelâŠâ
sunghoon didnât waste another second. his mouth crashed back onto yoursâhungry, wet, deep. one hand stayed on your waist while the other tangled in your hair, pulling you closer as he kissed you like he was losing his mind.
his tongue slid back into your mouth, stroking yours in those filthy strokes again.Â
you whimpered softly against his lips and started moving your hips without thinkingâgrinding down against the growing bulge in his sweatpants. the moment you did, sunghoon groaned loudly into your mouth, his grip on your waist tightening.
âynâbaby,â he gasped between kisses, hissing.
you rolled your hips, slower this time, dragging your clothed core right along his hardening cock. the friction made both of you moan. âhahâhoonie, please,â you moaned aloud into his mouth.
even through the layers of fabric, you could feel how hard he was, how desperately your older brother was throbbing under you. sunghoonâs head fell back slightly as you ground down on him, but he quickly pulled you back into another messy kidd, tongues sliding together while you kept moving.
âplease what, angel?â
his hand guided your hips, helping you rock against him in a steady rhythm. every roll of your hips made him twitch and throb underneath you. the dry humping grew more intenseâslower, heavier grinds that had you both breathing hard and whimpering into each othersâ mouths.Â
you pulled back just enough to look at him with those big, sweet eyes, lips shiny, and voice all soft and breathy.Â
âwant you, want you sâbad,â you murmured innocently, licking your wet lips as you rolled your hips in slow circles that made him hiss. âyouâre so hard alreadyâis this because of me?â
your brother let out a broken groan, burying his face in your neck as he bucked up against you, matching your movements.Â
âyeah⊠fuck, angel. iâm so hard for you,â sunghoon whispered hotly against your skin, voice rough. âonly you do this to meâbeen trying so hard to be good⊠but i get so fucking hard it hurts.â
the math trial papers lay long forgotten on the desk, some of them even slipping onto the floor. you kept grinding on his lap, slow and teasing, feeling his cock throb under you with every roll.Â
you leaned back a little, looking at him with those doey eyes, biting your lip.
âhoonie⊠iâm worried,â you whispered softly, sounding so innocent. âwhat if i fail the exam?â
sunghoon listed his head from your neck, eyes dark but still full of that love. he cupped your face with both hands, thumbs stroking your cheeks tenderly even while his cock was anything but.Â
âmy babyâs gonna do so well,â he murmured reassuringly, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, then your nose, then your lips. âyouâre smart. and iâm right here with you, mm? iâll help you every night.â
he kissed you again, deeper this time, tongues sliding and intertwining together. the kiss turned messy and needy, your soft whimpers mixing with his low groans.
surely youâre going to bestâsunghoonâs the smartest person you know, and heâs your brother.
that dna runs through you too.
things escalated quickly.
your hands moved to the hem of your top, starting to pull it up. sunghoonâs breath hitched, eyes locked on your body as his fingers tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants, pusing them down just enough to free his aching cock.Â
just as you were about to lift your top over your head and he was about to pull you back down onto himâskin to skinâthe sound of the door handle turning broke through the room.
âyn?â
both of you froze instantly.Â
âheyâwhat are you doing?â
âdad! hoonieâs just teaching me,â you said brightly, gesturing to the math papers like nothing had happened before. âiâi got stuck on some trial questions again, so heâs helping me like always.â
sunghoon cleared his throat, trying his best to sound normal even though his voice was still a little hoarse. he shifted awkwardly in the chair, pressing the cushion harder against his lap.
âyeah⊠yeah,â he nodded, forcing a small smile. âjust tutoring. sheâs been working really hard.âÂ
your dad looked between his two children for a second, then let out a soft chuckle.Â
âaw, donât stay up too late, okay? itâs already past midnight. you both need sleepâespecially you, yn,â he gave sunghoon a nod, reaching out to pat his shoulder. âthanks for helping your sister, hoon.â
âno problem, dadâŠâ sunghoon replied, voice tighter than usual.Â
your dad gave you both one last look before closing the door again. the second you heard his footsteps fade down the hallway, you let out a shaky breath and turned back to sunghoon.
he was still gripping the edge of the pillow over his lap, breathing hard, cheeks burning red. his eyes met yours.
âthat⊠that was close,â he murmured, sighing, swallowing thickly. his gaze dropped to your lips again, then lower to your chest. canines digging down his bottom lip, your older brother smiled at you innocently. faux.
âcan we lock the door now?â
ââ
in a heartbeat, you scrambled off sunghoonâs lap and back to your own chair, heart hammering like crazy. sunghoon quickly pulled his sweatpants back up, grabbing a cushion and yanking it over his lap to hide the very obvious, raging hardâon straining against the fabric. his face was flushed, lips still red and swollen from your messy kiss.
you tooâinstantly pulled down your shirt and smoothed it down, wiping your lips using the back of your hand.Â
đŻïž ć ćźčâ â â â explicit sexual content â« 18+ âžâž intended for mature audiences | minors do not interact ᯠestablished relationship, emotional vulnerability, teasing, heavy kissing, cosplay themes, petnames, unprotected p in v, dirty talk, degradation kink, praise kink, breeding kink, daddy kink, creampie !
à» part 1 | part 2
ELâS â· BUBBLE : ouuhh shi is that .... mask girl part 2 !!?! goodness this took me a whole ass year and i thought this would be one of the last few things i'd finish but damn this is literally just 6.4k words of smut (i'm sorry this shit was nasty asl đ„ mbmb) . . . (ÂŽăïŒżăïœ) this request, thank you so muchi ! on my life the other ones won't be super half-assed ! :b
It had been a year and a half since you impulsively fucked your neighbor.
Let's rewind.
Park Sunghoon, unit 109. You, unit 110. He'd been living there longer than you, had the place before you even moved in, had been a fixture of the hallway and the elevator and the building's quiet ecosystem since well before you became a part of it.Â
Your apartment was bigger by a bit, and you had a balcony, and so did he, and for about a year that was the extent of what you knew about each other, parallel lives separated by one wall, coexisting in the same building without ever really intersecting.
You'd run into each other, of course.Â
That was inevitable.Â
The elevator, always the elevator, because there was only one and it was slow and you'd both developed the habit of timing your commutes to avoid waiting, which meant you ended up waiting together more often than not, standing in silence with your coffee and your headphones and the unspoken acknowledgment that you recognized each other but hadn't progressed past nodding. The laundry room in the basement, where you'd once spent twenty minutes folding clothes across from each other and he'd held the door open for you when you were struggling with an overstuffed basket and you'd said thanks and he'd said of course and that was the most conversation you'd ever had. The cafe downstairs in the complex, the little one with the good matcha and the barista who always spelled your name wrong, where you'd both ended up at the same window table on separate laptops and caught each other glancing over and looked away fast.
He was so, so hot. That was the thing you couldn't get around, the fact that sat in the center of every interaction you'd ever had with him like a stone in your shoe, impossible to ignore.Â
Park Sunghoon was tall and broad and bulked up in a way that made it very clear he spent a terrifying number of hours at the gym, his shoulders filling doorframes, his arms thick with visible muscle even through his jackets, his chest and abs a sculpted landscape that you'd caught glimpses of during the summer when he'd come back from the building's gym in a tank top, skin glowing with sweat, and you'd had to physically remind yourself that staring was rude and you were a grown adult with self-control.Â
But here's the part that made it complicated, the part that turned this from a simple story about wanting the hot guy next door into something that still made your head spin when you thought about it too hard: you were a cam girl.Â
Mask Girl, that was your name on the site, your persona, the faceless, nameless fantasy that thousands of people tuned in to watch three nights a week.Â
You wore a delicate mask that covered your face, and you performed with a confidence that belonged to someone else entirely â someone bold, teasing, and untouchable, someone who did provocative things on camera without ever fully touching herself, who built tension like architecture, who made her audience desperate for a glimpse of more without ever giving them everything.Â
One of those viewers, your most loyal, most generous, most dedicated viewer, was Park Sunghoon.
You didn't know this at the time.Â
How could you?Â
On the site, he was just a username: tiramissulatte.Â
A name that made you smile when it popped up in chat, always early, always staying late, always sending money with a casualness that suggested he either had a lot of it or didn't care about spending it on you, maybe both.Â
He talked in your chat more than anyone else, complimenting your outfits, reacting to your teases, and the things he said were so specific, so filthy, so attuned to exactly what you were doing that sometimes you wondered if he could read your mind through the screen. You'd arch your back a certain way and tiramissulatte would type something about the curve of your spine that made your stomach flip. You'd wear a new set and he'd describe the color against your skin with a precision that felt intimate, like he was writing you a letter instead of typing in a chat box.
You didn't know tiramissulatte was Sunghoon. Sunghoon definitely didn't know you were Mask Girl, not for sure, not until he did.
Eventually, a blackout forced you to ask Sunghoon if he could keep your cheesecake in his fridge before it melts. He lets you stay while the powerâs out, and what starts as a normal movie night slowly becomes tense when he starts acting a bit too strangely â staring too long, seeming distracted, like heâs hiding something.Â
When you try to leave for a moment, he stops you and reveals that he knows your secret identity as Mask Girl after recognizing the moles on your hand from your streams.Â
Damn it.Â
The realization completely changes the atmosphere between you, especially once you understand just how long heâs known.
Everything after that gets pretty blurry in your head.
He kissed you.Â
Then he was suddenly walking you backward, guiding you, and your back hit his bedroom door and then you were through it and then you were on his bed and his body was over yours, heavy and warm and so much broader than you'd allowed yourself to imagine, and he fucked you.Â
Right there, in his bed, in unit 109, with the movie still playing in the living room and your cheesecake still safe in his fridge and the power still out in your unit, he fucked you like he'd been waiting for it his entire life, and you let him, you wanted it, and the fact that it was impulsive and confusing and absolutely insane didn't matter because nothing had ever felt that right.
The morning after was complicated.Â
You'd woken up in his bed, in his t-shirt, with his arm around your waist and your brain full of static and the overwhelming, terrifying, exhilarating realization that you'd just slept with your neighbor, your viewer, tiramissulatte, Park Sunghoon, and you had no fucking idea what came next.Â
But you talked, really talked, for hours, lying in his bed with the morning light coming through his balcony doors, and you told him about the cam work and how it started and why you did it and how it made you feel, and he told you about finding you on the site and becoming a regular and the slow, consuming obsession that had taken root the more he watched, and by the time the conversation wound down you both understood that this wasn't a one-night thing, that it couldn't be, that something real, specific, and undeniable had been growing between you for months and the sex had just been the match that lit it.
He courted you.Â
Eight months of it, deliberate and traditional and so awfully Sunghoon it made your chest ache â showing up with food, learning your schedule, being there when you needed him and stepping back when you needed space, never pushing, never presuming, just steadily, patiently, beautifully making it clear that he was serious about this, about you, about whatever this was becoming.Â
You said yes.Â
Of course you said yes, because you'd been halfway to yes since he opened his door on that power-outage night and said of course, come in, and the eight months had only confirmed what you already knew.
Now here you were. Still in your respective units, him in 109 and you in 110, because you'd talked about moving in together and decided there was something sweet about maintaining your own spaces while being close enough that you could see each other whenever you pleased.Â
Your apartment had the bigger couch and the setup for your streams; his had the nicer kitchen and the balcony with the view. Between the two of you, you had everything you needed, and the wall between your bedrooms had become less of a barrier and more of a technicality.
You'd found work as an economic consultant about five months ago â real, professional, respectable work that used your actual degree and paid actual money, though not as consistently and not as well as Mask Girl did, so you kept the streams going, three nights a week, the same schedule, the same persona, the same teasing and provoking and driving your audience insane without ever giving them everything.Â
Sunghoon still watched. He still tipped. He was still tiramissulatte in your chat, still your most loyal viewer, except now when you read his messages you knew exactly who was typing them, and you'd smile behind your mask at the screen and think, that's my boyfriend, that's my man, that's the person who makes me coffee in the morning and carries me to bed at night, and the secret knowledge of it was the most delicious thing you'd ever tasted.
He absolutely loved it. Having his favorite cam girl all for himself â that's how he described it, with that quiet, possessive certainty that he rarely let anyone else see, the side of him that was reserved for you and only you. Your audience didn't know you were taken. They didn't know that the Mask Girl they fantasized about went home to the most beautiful man in the building, that the fingers they watched trail along lace edges were the same fingers that carded through his hair while he fell asleep, that the voice that whispered filth into the camera whispered his name into his pillow every night. It was your secret, yours and Sunghoon's, and the exclusivity of it, the intimacy of it, drove him absolutely insane in the best possible way.
Sometimes he'd help you get ready. Your outfit, your hair, your accessories, he'd sit on the edge of your bed and watch you sift through your closet with that quiet, observant gaze, and he'd point to things and say, "That one," or "The red tonight," and he was always right, always knew which combination would look best on camera, which color would pop against your skin, which silhouette would drive your viewers insane. He'd zip you up and adjust your straps and step back and look at you with this expression that was equal parts pride and hunger, like he couldn't believe you were his but he was going to appreciate every second of it.
He'd help you get unready too. After every stream, when the adrenaline had faded and the exhaustion had set in and you were soft and pliable and murmuring about nothing in particular, he'd carry you to bed, literally carry you, one arm under your knees and the other behind your back, like you weighed nothing, like his gym-honed body had been built specifically for this, for scooping you up and holding you close and making you feel safe and utterly, completely cherished, then he'd tuck you in and play with your hair and listen to you mumble about the cute pair of boots you'd found on your Pinterest feed or the drama episode you'd missed or whatever random thought was drifting through your tired brain, and he'd smile at you with that rare, private, just-for-you smile and press a kiss to your forehead and say, "We'll get the boots, princess. Go to sleep."
Sometimes both of you would get freaky. On stream, off stream, in the gray area in between, it didn't really matter, because whatever was happening between you in those moments was real and so intensely, perfectly attuned that it felt like you'd been made for each other. You were absolutely perfect for one another, you and Sunghoon, and you wouldn't have it any other way.
Christmas had been a milestone.Â
You'd brought Sunghoon back to your hometown, your family's house with the creaky porch and the too-small dining table and the chaos of too many relatives in too little space, and he'd fit right in like he'd always been there.Â
Your little cousin, the one who blasted Brazilian phonk from his portable speaker at all hours and had zero volume control, had clung to him like a koala, dragging him around by the hand to show him his room, his art projects, his collection of shiny rocks he'd found in the yard, and Sunghoon had gone along with all of it with a patience that made your mother watch the two of them with a soft, knowing smile.Â
He went grocery shopping with your dad, the two of them coming back with twice what was on the list because your dad had kept saying "one more thing" and Sunghoon had kept saying "of course, sir" and apparently they'd bonded over the pickle aisle in a way you were never going to understand.Â
He helped your mom set the table, folding napkins into little triangles with the same precision he brought to everything, and when she'd thanked him he'd said, "It's my pleasure, Mom," and your mother had stood frozen with a serving spoon in her hand and looked at you with eyes that said this is the one, this is the one right here.
And then there were your old friends. Or rather, the girls from middle school who had been mean to you in the way that middle school girls are mean, not overtly, not cruelly, just in that slow, grinding, undermining way that chips away at your self-esteem over the course of years until you graduate and realize you never want to see them again.Â
You'd run into them at the mall, of all places, and they'd swarmed you with those too-bright smiles and air-kisses and "oh my god, how have you been"s, and then Sunghoon had appeared beside you with two iced americanos and a bag from the bakery your mom liked, and their jaws had literally dropped.Â
Not figuratively. Literally. Jaw-dropping, eye-widening, conversation-stopping shock, because Sunghoon was just that handsome, tall, sharp-featured, bulked up in a black coat, and a scarf your mom had knitted him, his shoulders spanning the width of the hallway like a goddamn billboard for genetic superiority, and he was yours. The way he'd slid his arm around your waist and said, "Ready to go, baby?" without even noticing the effect he was having on everyone around him was the single most vindicating moment of your entire life.
It was a regular night, as regular as nights got when your boyfriend was the Park Sunghoon and your side hustle was Mask Girl.
You'd both just gotten home from shopping, or more accurately, from the nail salon and the subsequent wandering-around-the-city that had become your ritual.Â
True to his word, the word he'd given you in chat before either of you knew who the other was, when you'd shown your nails on stream and tiramissulatte had mentioned heâd pay for your next set and you laughed at him â he'd paid for your nails. Not just that first time. Every single appointment up until now, each and every time, pulling out his card before you could even reach for your wallet, and when you'd protested he'd just tilted his head and given you that look, the one that said don't argue with me on this, and you'd learned to stop arguing because arguing with Sunghoon about things he'd already decided was like arguing with a very handsome, very stubborn wall.
It had become a tradition now. Whenever you got your nails done, you both always had to do something afterwards â eat, take cute photobooth pictures together, catch a movie, cafe hop, wander through museums, just a lot of things, a rotating menu of date activities that turned a routine errand into something you both looked forward to.Â
Today had been ramen, at the little bar around the corner from the salon that you'd been going to for months, the one where the owner knew your order by heart and always gave Sunghoon extra chashu because she said he was too thin, which was absurd because Sunghoon was built like a weapon, all dense muscle and broad shoulders and arms that could bench press your body weight without breaking a sweat, but youâd never argue with free chashu.
Your nails were spring themed now â short French tips in green, yellow, and pink with tiny hand-painted florals and an obscene amount of sparkle that caught the light every time you moved your hands.Â
You'd held them up for Sunghoon to see when you'd walked out of the salon, wiggling your fingers in his face, and he'd taken your hand in his and examined each nail with the same careful attention he gave to everything and said, "Pretty. They suit you," and the casual sincerity of it had made your chest flip in a way that nine months of being together hadn't even begun to diminish.
After ramen, you'd strolled through the city park, the one with the duck pond and the willow trees and the cobblestone paths that wound through flower beds that were just starting to bloom, and there'd been a big, sprawling, unavoidable puddle right in the middle of the path, and you'd stopped and whined to Sunghoon that you didn't want your ballet flats to get wet, and he'd looked at you with that tiny, barely-there smile that passed for a grin on his famously stoic face, and he'd pressed a kiss to your forehead and then bent down and scooped you up with one arm, one arm, like you were a bag of groceries and not a grown adult woman, his bicep flexing against your thighs, the sheer strength of him so effortless and so absurd that you'd clung to his neck and laughed, and when he set you down on the other side he'd flexed on you, both arms, and said, "I'm so strong," with such deadpan sincerity that you'd laughed so hard you'd snorted, and he'd smiled, really smiled, the crinkly-eyed one that you lived for, and you'd grabbed his flexed arm and kissed his bicep and told him he was the strongest man alive and he'd said, "I know," and you'd walked home with your hand in his back pocket because you could, because he was yours and you were his and everything was exactly as it should be.
That was earlier. That was the good part.
Now, Sunghoon was face-down on your gigantic unicorn plushie, the one you kept by the couch because it was the size of a small car and served as both decor and emotional support, and he hadn't moved in ten minutes.
You'd noticed something was off the second you'd walked through the door, though you couldn't pinpoint exactly what.Â
Sunghoon's expression was a masterpiece of neutrality, that stone-cold, impenetrable mask he wore like armor, the one that made strangers think he was aloof and made you think he was the most beautiful mystery you'd ever tried to solve. He'd been quiet on the walk home, quieter than usual, which was saying something because Sunghoon was a man of few words on his most talkative days, but this was a different kind of quiet, a weighted kind, like there was something pressing down on his chest that he couldn't name or wouldn't share.
He'd dropped the shopping bags by the door, kicked off his shoes, and collapsed face-first onto the unicorn without a word, and now he was just lying there, his long legs dangling off the edge, his face buried in the plush, his body completely still, and you watched him from the kitchen with a growing knot of concern in your stomach.
You walked over and crouched down beside him, your freshly done nails catching the lamplight as you reached out and combed your fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his forehead, scratching gently at his scalp the way he liked. His hair was soft and slightly damp at the roots from the humidity outside, and you leaned down and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.
"Hoon? Baby? What's wrong?"
Nothing. Not a word, not a grunt, not even a shift of his body to acknowledge that he'd heard you. Just that still, heavy silence that was so unlike him, because even at his most tired, even at his most withdrawn, Sunghoon always responded to your touch, always leaned into your hand, always gave you something.
"Sunghoon-ah," you tried again, softer now, your voice dropping into that honeyed, babying register that you only used with him, the one that made his ears go pink on the rare occasions he let himself be soft in return. "Awww, poor baby. It's okay. I'm right here. Tell me what's wrong, yeah? Let me make it better."
You carded your fingers through his hair again, slower this time, tracing the shell of his ear, the back of his neck, and you felt the tiniest shift, his shoulders releasing a fraction of their tension, his body turning a centimeter toward you, but still no words. He wasn't crying. He wasn't even close to crying, you could tell. He was just upset, in that quiet, internalized way he had of being upset, where something was wrong and he either couldn't articulate it or wouldn't, and the not-knowing was its own kind of agony because all you wanted was to fix it and you couldn't fix what you couldn't understand.
"My poor baby," you murmured, and you leaned down and kissed his temple, his cheekbone, the corner of his jaw. "It's okay. You don't have to talk. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Awww, look at you, all sad and pouty on the unicorn. It's okay, baby, I've got you."
He shifted again, a small, subtle movement, his body orienting toward you just barely, like a flower turning toward warmth, and that tiny response was enough to tell you that he heard you, that he appreciated you, that whatever was weighing on him wasn't about you, it was about something else, something he was keeping locked behind those beautiful, guarded eyes of his.
An idea sparked in the back of your mind.
It was a ridiculous idea. It was a dramatic, over-the-top, absolutely unhinged idea, and it was exactly the kind of thing that would either make him laugh or make him forget whatever was bothering him entirely, and either outcome was acceptable to you at this rate.
"Hey," you said, and you smoothed his hair back one more time. "Wait here. Don't move. I'll be right back."
He didn't respond, not verbally, not with any visible reaction beyond a subtle shift of his body that might have been acknowledgement or might have been nothing, and you took it.Â
You stood up quickly, your knees protesting the crouch, and you padded down the hallway toward your office â the room you used for your Mask Girl streams, the room that held your setup and your lighting and the closet that held every costume, every prop, every piece of carefully curated fantasy that you'd accumulated over your career.
You opened the closet and surveyed your inventory. Rows of costumes on hangers, organized by color and theme, each one a different persona, a different fantasy, a different way of becoming someone else for the camera. You sifted through them methodically â the nurse, the cat girl, the maid, the schoolgirl, the devil, the angel â until your fingers landed on something you hadn't worn yet, something you'd ordered months ago and never had occasion to use, something that was still in its garment bag with the tags attached.
A bunny girl cosplay.
Oh shit.
You unzipped the bag and let it fall to the floor, and the costume unfurled in front of you like a promise. It was stunning. It was obscene. It was exactly what you needed. The ears were tall and pointed, covered in soft black velvet with wire inside so they could be posed, attached to a headband that sat securely on your crown. The stockings were sheer black thigh-highs with a lace trim at the top and a seam running up the back. The gloves were elbow-length satin that matched the ears. And the body â the body was the main event.
It was a bodysuit shaped like a corset, boned and structured, in thin black fabric with lace overlay that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. The breast area was tight, padded just enough to push your tits upward and together until they were practically spilling over the top, and the cut of it was so low that it bordered on illegal. The bottom half was high-cut on the hips, the kind of cut that made your legs look endless and your waist look impossibly small, and the whole thing fastened with a ribbon at the back that, when untied, would cause the entire structure to fall apart like a house of cards.
If this couldn't cheer Sunghoon up, you didn't know what would.
You dressed quickly, pulling the bodysuit on first and adjusting yourself within it, tucking and shifting and arranging until your cleavage looked like it had been sculpted by a renaissance artist with a very, very specific agenda. The stockings came next, rolling them up your legs with care, the lace sitting high on your thighs, the seam straight and precise. The gloves, satin-smooth against your skin. The ears, positioned just right on top of your head, one tilted slightly forward for that playful, coquettish look.Â
You checked your makeup in the mirror, you'd had a full face on from earlier, and it was holding up fine, just needed a touch-up. More blush, a sharper wing on the eyeliner, a swipe of the deep red lip color that you knew for a fact made Sunghoon lose the ability to form coherent sentences. You fluffed your hair, adjusted the ears one more time, and looked at yourself in the full-length mirror.
Ooh la la. You looked good. You looked better than good, you looked like a fantasy, like a wet dream wearing bunny ears, and the sight of your own reflection was enough to make you feel the first flutter of confidence that this was going to work.
Before you left the room, you grabbed one more thing, a length of black silk cloth from your prop drawer, soft and supple and long enough to serve as a blindfold. You tucked it behind you, took a breath, and headed for the living room.
The air conditioning prickled at your bare skin as you walked down the hallway, raising goosebumps on your arms and the exposed tops of your breasts, and you shivered, partly from the cold and partly from the adrenaline of what you were about to do.Â
When you rounded the corner into the living room, Sunghoon was still there, still face-down on the unicorn, his body in the same position you'd left him in, and a surge of tenderness so fierce it almost knocked you sideways washed over you at the sight of him, this beautiful, stubborn, infuriating man who wouldn't tell you what was wrong but who trusted you enough to stay exactly where you'd asked him to.
You crossed the room and crouched down beside him again, and this time when you touched his hair, you felt him lean into your hand, just barely, just enough.
"Hoon," you said, and your voice was soft and honeyed and full of the kind of warmth that was reserved exclusively for him. "Lift your head up for me. Just a little. And close your eyes. I have a surprise for you."
He didn't look at you. He didn't turn around. He just obeyed, lifted his head just enough for you to access his face, and closed his eyes, and the simplicity of it, the immediate, unquestioning trust of it, made your heart squeeze so hard it almost hurt.Â
You reached behind you and pulled the silk cloth free, and you wrapped it around his head and tied it carefully at the back, snug enough that he couldn't peek but loose enough that it didn't hurt, and the black silk stood out against his pale hair and his sharp features and you wanted to take a photo of him like this, blindfolded, trusting, and yours, but that would have to wait, unfortunately.
"Okay," you said, and you placed your hands on his shoulders and stood up, guiding him with you. "Stand up for me. Come on. Up."
He stood, and you led him by the hand to the couch, guiding him around the coffee table, and when the back of his knees hit the cushion you pressed gently on his chest and he sat, and you could feel the tension in his shoulders, the faint furrow between his brows beneath the blindfold, the way his hands gripped the edge of the cushion, he was surprised, caught off guard, not sure what to expect, and the uncertainty of it was almost endearing.
You climbed onto his lap. One knee on either side of his hips, your hands on his shoulders, your weight settling onto his thighs, and for the first time since you'd gotten home, he spoke.
"What are you doing, princess?"
His voice was low and rough and slightly muffled by the blindfold, and the word princess hit you like a jolt of electricity, the way it always did, because Sunghoon called you princess like it was a title he'd invented just for you, like you were royalty and he was your most devoted subject, and the roughness in it, the hint of curiosity beneath the exhaustion, gave you the opening you needed.
"Go see for yourself," you said, and you reached up and undid the blindfold with one hand, pulling the silk away from his eyes, and at the same time you shifted your hips forward on his lap, grinding down onto him in a slow, deliberate roll.
His eyes opened.
And you watched, in real time, as every thought in Sunghoon's head evaporated.
His gaze dropped to your chest first, because of course it did, your tits were right there, pushed up and out and practically begging for attention, the lace edge of the bodysuit cutting across the upper swell of your breasts in a way that made them look like they were about to escape entirely, and you weren't wearing a bra underneath, weren't wearing anything underneath, because the whole point of this was to leave as little between you and him as possible.Â
Then his eyes traveled down, taking in the corset, the stockings, the gloves, the ears, and then back up to your face, to your red lips and your sharp eyeliner and the mischievous, knowing smile that you were wearing like a weapon, and his mouth opened and closed and opened again and no sound came out, and you had never felt more powerful in your entire life.
"Whatâ" he started, and his voice cracked, actually cracked, and you felt the vibration of it in your thighs where they pressed against his.
"Shhh," you said, and you rolled your hips again, slower this time, a grinding motion that pressed your core against the growing hardness you could feel through his jeans. "I saw my baby was upset, and I couldn't figure out why, and you wouldn't tell me, and I thoughtâwhat's the one thing that always makes my Sunghoon feel better?" You leaned in, your lips brushing his ear, your breasts pressing against his chest, and the bunny ears tickled his cheek. "And then I thoughtâme. I make Sunghoon feel better. So here I am."
You ground down on him again, and this time you were shameless about it, rolling your hips in a slow, tight circle that dragged your clothed center against his length, and you could feel him hardening beneath you, could feel the heat of him even through the layers of fabric, and you made sure to be loud about it, a breathy, exaggerated moan right against his ear, followed by a smaller, more genuine one when the friction hit your clit just right, and the combination of performance and real pleasure made the sound so convincing that you felt his hands tighten on your hips.
"Awww, poor baby," you murmured, and you pressed your lips to his jaw and kissed a slow path to his ear while you kept grinding. "So stressed. So tense. Let me take care of you, yeah? Let me make it all better. You've been so good todayâcarried me over the puddle, paid for my nails, flexed those big arms for meâyou deserve a reward, don't you, baby? Don't you think my baby deserves a reward?"
His hands came up to rest on your hips, and his grip was firm and warm and just this side of desperate, and you could feel the war happening inside him, the part that wanted to stay upset, to hold onto whatever was weighing him down, fighting against the part that wanted to let go, to sink into you, to let you take all of it away. You made the decision for him. You kissed him.
You kissed him like you were trying to drink him, like his mouth was the only source of water in a desert, and you rolled your hips at the same time, grinding down onto him with a deliberate, rhythmic pressure that left no room for anything else, and you were extra noisy about it, so noisy, so shameless, gasping and whimpering into his mouth, making sounds that were pure performance and pure need all tangled together, the kind of sounds you made on camera when you knew your audience was watching, except this audience was just one man and he was the only one who mattered.
"Mmmphâohâ" you gasped against his lips, and you ground down harder, the friction against your clit sending a spark of genuine pleasure through you, and you let the sound come out filthy and breathless and completely unhinged. "Goodness, Hoon, you feel so good already, and I've barely startedâyou're getting so hard for me, baby, I can feel you through your jeansâyou're such a slut for me, you know that? One little grind and you're already this hardâ"
He kissed you back. That was the turning point. His hands tightened on your hips and his mouth opened against yours and his tongue slid between your lips and he kissed you like he was drowning and you were air, and the sound he made was this low, broken, desperate thing that vibrated through his chest and into yours, told you that you'd won. Whatever wall he'd built around himself tonight, you were scaling it, and he was letting you.
You kept grinding, kept kissing, kept being noisy and slutty and shameless about it, rolling your hips with purpose now, pressing down onto the length of him, letting him feel the heat of you through the thin fabric of the bodysuit, and the sounds you were making were absolute filth, breathy moans and high-pitched whines and his name over and over like a prayer, like you couldn't help yourself, like riding him through his clothes was the most overwhelming sensation you'd ever experienced.
"Baby," he groaned against your mouth, and his voice was wrecked, barely holding together, and the sound of it sent a bolt of heat straight between your legs.
"Shh," you said again, and you pressed your forehead to his and smiled, soft and fond and so full of love it almost hurt. "Let me take care of my baby. Let me make you feel good. You're so pretty when you're stressed, you know that? All broody and quiet and I just want to climb you like a treeâwait, I already am climbing youâ" you giggled against his lips and ground down particularly hard and his breath stuttered, "âI want you so bad it makes me stupid, Park Sunghoon, you and your stupid big arms and your stupid handsome faceâ"
Your hands went to the back of your bodysuit, where the ribbon was, and his eyes tracked the movement, dark and hungry and slightly dazed, like he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing.Â
You held his gaze as you pulled the ribbon loose, and the bodysuit went slack around your torso, the structure collapsing, and you shrugged it off your shoulders and pulled your arms free of the gloves and the bodysuit peeled down your body and fell to your waist, and then it was off entirely, kicked to the floor, and you were sitting on his lap in nothing but the stockings and the ears because you hadn't been wearing panties underneath, hadn't even thought to, because the whole point of this was to leave as little between you and him as possible.
He stared at you. His eyes swept over your bare chest, your bare stomach, the dip of your waist and the swell of your hips and the wet, glistening evidence of how turned on you were, and his throat worked around a swallow that was almost audible.
"Baby," you said, and you leaned back slightly, putting yourself on display for him, and you brought your hands up to your breasts and cupped them, squeezing gently, your thumbs brushing over your nipples, and you watched his eyes go dark, so dark, like someone had pulled a shade over the warm brown and left nothing but heat behind. "You've been so stressed today. Let me help."
You touched yourself the way you would on stream, which was to say, not fully, not completely, just enough to tease, just enough to build the tension to an almost unbearable pitch. Your hands on your breasts, kneading, rolling your nipples between your fingers, and you let the sounds come easy, soft, breathy moans that you knew drove him insane, little gasps and whimpers that were only partially performance. One hand drifted down your stomach, down between your thighs, and you rubbed lazy circles at your clit and your head fell back and you moaned, long and low and shameless.
"Mmmgh, Sunghoon, baby," you whined, and you rubbed yourself slowly, obscenely, your wetness coating your fingers, the slick sound of it filling the quiet room. "You feel so goodâfuckâhow I wish that dick could be inside me right now. Been thinking about it all day. Every time you looked at me. Every time you touched me. Every time you picked me up with those stupid big armsâI just kept thinking about how bad I want you inside meâ"
You leaned forward deliberately, pressing your chest close to his face, and you moaned into his hair, your lips brushing his temple, and you let the sound vibrate through you and into him. "God, you're such a slut for me, Park Sunghoon. My own personal slut. All mine. Nobody else gets to see you like this, nobody else gets to make you this hard, just meâand you love it, don't you? You love being a slut for me, baby?"
"Princessâ" His voice was rough, almost pained, and his hands were on your hips again, gripping hard, and you could feel the restraint in him, the effort it was taking him to let you lead, to let you set the pace, and you loved it, you loved the way his fingers dug into your flesh like he was holding on by a thread, like one more tease would be the thing that snapped it.
"I love it," you said, answering your own question with a grin that was equal parts wicked and adoring. "I love that you're such a slut for me. I love that all I have to do is put on bunny ears and grind on you and you're already falling apart. I love that my favorite viewer is also my favorite person to rideâ"
"Princess," he said again, and this time it was a warning, or maybe a plea, or maybe both tangled together into a single word that couldn't decide what it wanted to be.
You pulled back just enough to look at him, and his eyes were so dark they were almost black, his lips parted, his chest heaving, and the flush on his cheekbones was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. "Let's get you out of these," you said, and your hands went to the hem of his shirt.
You undressed him slowly, or as slowly as you could manage when your hands were shaking and your heart was hammering and every inch of skin you revealed made you want to skip ahead.Â
His shirt first, pulled over his head and tossed somewhere behind you, and you ran your hands down his chest, his abs, the sharp cut of his V-line, tracing the defined muscles that he spent hours at the gym building, and you pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his pectoral and murmured, "Gym rat. Look at you. All this for me? You're so hot it's actually annoying," and he huffed a laugh that was half breath and half disbelief. Then his jeans, unbuttoned and unzipped and pushed down his hips along with his boxers, and his cock sprang free, hard and flushed and thick and leaking at the tip, and you looked at it and then at him and then back at it and licked your lips.
"Oh, baby," you said, and you wrapped your hand around the base of his cock and squeezed, and his hips jerked up into your touch and a strangled sound escaped his throat. "Look at you. So hard for me. All this from a little grinding? And you call me the slutâyou're dripping, Hoon, you're making a mess already and I've barely touched youâ"
You weren't going to ride him. Not yet. You had other plans first.
You shifted off his lap and settled between his knees on the floor, the carpet soft beneath you, and you looked up at him through your lashes, the bunny ears still perched on your head, your lips red and swollen from kissing, your bare chest heaving, and the image you made was so pornographic that you half-wished your camera was running. But this wasn't for the camera. This was for him.
You leaned in and spat on his cock. A thick, deliberate string of saliva that landed on the head and dripped down the shaft, and you spread it with your hand, slicking him up, and the wet, obscene sound of your fist sliding along his length made you clench around nothing. You looked up at him and spat again, more this time, letting it drip from your lips onto him like you couldn't be bothered to swallow, and the sheer filth of it made his jaw go slack and his cock twitch in your hand.
"Oh, you like that?" you said, and you stroked him again, spreading the spit and precum, your grip firm and twisting. "You like when I'm messy? When I spill spit all over this big fucking cock? God, you're so big, HoonâI never get used to it. Every time I see it I'm like, how does that fit inside me? And then it does and I lose my goddamn mindâ"
You stroked him fast, your grip firm and twisting, your hand flying up and down his shaft while your thumb dragged across the sensitive ridge beneath the head on every upstroke, and his thighs were tensing and his abs were clenching and the sounds he was making were the most beautiful music you'd ever heard.Â
Then you slowed. You slowed way down, and you leaned in and took just the head into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, licking into the slit, tasting the salty bead of precum there, and you sucked lightly, so lightly, and his hand flew to your hair and gripped.
"Fuckâ" he breathed, and it was barely a word, more of an exhalation shaped like one, and you looked up at him through your lashes with his cock in your mouth and watched his eyes flutter and his head fall back against the couch, and the power of it, the sheer, intoxicating power of having Sunghoon at your mercy, made you moan around him, and the vibration of it made his hips buck.
You took him deeper, relaxing your throat, letting him feel the wet heat of your mouth inch by inch, and when you pulled back you did it slowly too, your lips tight around him, your tongue pressed flat against the underside of his shaft, and you popped off the head with a sound that was deliberately, pornographically wet.
"Such a pretty cock," you murmured, and you stroked him again, fast and tight, your spit and his precum making everything slick and obscene. "My favorite cock. The only cock I ever want in my mouth ever again. You know that? I'd be happy just doing this forever, just sucking you off whenever you're stressed, keeping you warm and wet and happyâwould you like that, baby? Want me to be your little stress relief? Your personal slut?"
"Princessâ" His voice was wrecked, barely a voice at all, just friction and heat and need, and you could tell he was getting close, could feel it in the way his cock throbbed in your hand, in the way his thighs trembled, in the way his breathing turned ragged and shallow.
You pulled back. Not yet. Not like this.
"Enough," you said, and you climbed back onto his lap, settling over him, and you reached down and positioned the head of his cock at your entrance. "I need you inside me. I need to feel you. You've been patient, baby, you've been so goodâlet me reward you."
You sank down onto him slowly, torturously slowly, and the stretch of him was so much, so overwhelming, that your mouth fell open in a silent moan and your eyes squeezed shut and your nails dug into his shoulders hard enough to leave crescents.Â
He filled you completely, thick and hot and so deep that you could feel him everywhere, could feel him in your stomach, in your chest, in the tips of your fingers where they gripped his skin, and when you were fully seated on him, when he was buried to the hilt inside you, you both just stayed there for a moment, breathing, adjusting, feeling.
Then you started to move.
You rode him slowly. Nice and slow, the way you'd promised yourself, rolling your hips in a languid, grinding rhythm that let you feel every inch of him, every ridge and vein and the way he pulsed inside you when you clenched around him. His hands were on your waist, letting you set the pace, and his eyes were on your face, dark and burning and so full of want that it made your breath catch.
"Mmmgh," you moaned, and you rolled your hips harder, grinding down onto him, and the new angle meant his cock was dragging against that spot inside you with every movement, and your voice came out breathless and broken. "Daddyâyou feel so goodâso big and warm for meâI'd love to be filled up all nightâjust like thisâkeeping you inside me foreverâ"
You felt the shift in him the second the word left your mouth. His whole body went rigid, his fingers digging into your waist so hard, and his jaw clenched and his eyes went wide and then narrowed and something dark, hungry, and absolutely feral crossed his face, and you knew damn well that you'd just lit a fuse and you were about to find out what happened when it burned down.
"Daddy?" he repeated, and his voice was low, lower than you'd ever heard it, a rumble that you felt in your bones, and there was a dangerous edge to it, something predatory and barely controlled. "Say that again."
"Daddy," you said, and you rolled your hips and pushed your chest forward, your tits bouncing with the movement, right in front of his face, and you watched his eyes lock onto them like they were the only thing in the world. "You're literally daddy, Park Sunghoon. You pay for my nails, you carry me over puddles, you put me to bed after my streamsâyou're so daddy it's insaneâyou're the daddiest man I've ever met in my entireâmmmphâ"
He took one of your nipples into his mouth and you forgot how to speak.Â
His tongue was hot and wet and relentless against the sensitive bud, his teeth grazing just enough to make you gasp, and you cradled his head against your chest and rode him harder, faster, chasing the feeling, and the sounds you were making, wet, desperate moans and breathless repetitions of daddy and yes and please and more, and you could feel him getting close, could feel the tension coiling in his body, the way his thrusts were getting jerkier, more urgent, his cock pulsing inside youâ
And you slowed down.
You slowed way down, nearly to a stop, just a slow, lazy grind that kept him right on the edge without pushing him over, and you looked down at him with half-lidded eyes and a smile that was equal parts love and wickedness, and you said, "Not yet, daddy. You gotta wait. You've been a bad baby, keeping secrets from me, not telling me what's wrongâbad babies don't get to come yetâ"
Something in him snapped.
It happened so fast you didn't have time to process it.Â
One moment you were on his lap, in control, setting the pace, and the next his arms were around you and he was standing, lifting you like you weighed nothing, and your legs wrapped around his waist on instinct and your arms wrapped around his neck and you barely had time to register the movement before your back hit the glass door of your balcony, the cold surface shocking against your bare skin, and the city lights were spread out behind you through the glass, and you hadn't closed the curtains, and you didn't care, you couldn't care, because Sunghoon was spinning you around and pressing your front against the glass and his cock was inside you again, from behind this time, and the new angle was so deep, so impossibly deep, that the sound you made wasn't even a moan, it was something more primal, something torn from a place you didn't know existed.
He didn't start slow. He didn't ease into it. He rams into you with a force that makes the glass rattle in its frame, his hips slamming against your ass, his cock hitting so deep inside you that you can see galaxies, and one arm wraps around your throat, holding, just claiming, a headlock that pins you against him while he fucks you, and his other hand comes down hard on your ass, a sharp, stinging slap that makes you gasp and clench around him, and then the hand is moving, sliding around to your front, finding your clit, rubbing it in tight, firm circles that have you seeing white.
"Daddyâ" you gasp, and the word comes out broken and desperate and so far gone that you barely recognize your own voice. "Daddy, I'mâahâdaddy, pleaseâharderâfuckâdaddy, I love youâ"
"Say it again," he growls against your ear, and his voice is so low and so rough and so utterly wrecked that it sends a shiver down your entire body, makes your walls clench around him so hard he groans. "Call me daddy again. Keep saying it. You wanted to tease me, princess? You wanted to edge me? Bad babies get fucked, you hear me? You don't get to tell me when I comeâI come when I wantâand I'm gonna come so deep inside you you'll feel me for daysâ"
"Daddyâoh godâdaddy, you feel so goodâyou're so deepâdaddy, I'm so closeâ"
"That's right, baby." His hand moves from your clit to your breast, grabbing it, kneading it roughly, his fingers pinching and rolling your nipple, and the combination of him inside you and his hand on your tit and his arm around your throat and his breath hot against your ear is so overwhelming that you feel like you might shatter into a million pieces.Â
"I'm your daddy. Say it louder. Let the whole building hear who you belong to. You're such a slut for me, aren't you? Putting on that little outfit, grinding on me, calling me daddyâyou wanted this, didn't you? You wanted me to snap, wanted me to fuck you like thisâ"
"I didâI wanted itâdaddy, pleaseâI wanted you to fuck me like you hate meâI wantedâahâI wanted you to ruin meâ"
"Oh, I'm gonna ruin you alright. I'm gonna ruin you so good you won't remember what was upsetting youâwait, that's meâI won't remember what was upsetting meâfuckâ" and he laughs, breathless and slightly unhinged, and the sound of it, the fact that he's laughing while he's balls-deep inside you and his hand is on your clit again and the city lights are glittering through the glass, it's so perfectly, absurdly, beautifully you-and-him that you feel the orgasm building like a tidal wave.
"Daddyâyesâright thereâdaddy, harderâI love youâI love you so muchâfuck me harder, daddy, pleaseâ"
"I love you too, princessâfuck, I love you so much it makes me crazyâ" His hips are snapping forward with a rhythm that's becoming erratic, desperate, his breath ragged against your ear, and his hand is working your clit faster now, harder, and you can feel yourself barreling toward the edge. "Come for me. Come on daddy's cock. Let me feel you."
The orgasm crashes through you like a wave breaking, your walls clenching around him in pulsing waves, your body arching against the glass, his name and daddy and yes and please all spilling from your lips in a breathless, desperate litany, and you feel him follow you over the edge a moment later, his hips jerking against you, his cock pulsing deep inside you as he comes with a groan that's muffled against your shoulder where his teeth are pressing into your skin, not hard enough to break but hard enough to mark, hard enough to claim.
"Oh yes, baby, I'm your daddy," he groans against your shoulder, and his voice is strained and breathless and so full of filthy, desperate need that it makes your cunt clench around him in another aftershock. "Keep saying that and I'm gonna stuff you up with my cum until it's all you'll ever be able to feel for days. You want that? You want daddy to fill you up so good you'll be leaking me all week?"
But he's not done. Before you've even fully registered the words, he's pulling out of you and scooping you up into his arms, and you're too wrecked to do anything but wrap your arms around his neck and let him carry you, and he walks with purpose down the hallway to your bedroom, and he kicks the door open and deposits you onto the bed, and he looks at you with those dark, burning eyes and you know what he wants and you want it too, and you reach for him and pull him down onto the bed with you.
You push him onto his back and straddle him, and you can feel his cock, still half-hard, pressing against your entrance, and you sink down onto him again and start to ride, and this time you don't go slow, you go fast, so fast, so desperate, your hips bouncing on his cock at a pace that's almost violent, your hands planted on his chest, your tits bouncing with every movement, and the sound of it fills the room â skin slapping against skin, wet, and so, so good.
"Daddy," you gasp, and you're riding him so fast that you can barely catch your breath, can barely form words, but you force them out anyway because you know what they do to him, you know the power you hold when you call him that. "Daddy, come for meâcome inside meâfill me upâI want itâI want all of itâcome more, baby, fill me upâgive me every dropâyou're such a good slut for me, coming inside me like thisâyou love filling me up, don't you, daddy? You love stuffing me fullâ"
His hands grip your hips so hard you know there'll be fingerprints tomorrow, and his head is thrown back against the pillow and his jaw is clenched and his abs are trembling, and you can feel him getting close again, can feel the way his cock throbs inside you, the way his breathing turns to gasps, the way his hips jerk up to meet yours, and the fact that he's still half-hard and getting hard again and you're making him come twice in the span of ten minutes makes you feel like a god.
"Come," you command, and your voice is firm and breathless and absolutely certain, and that's all it takes.Â
He comes with a broken groan of your name, his cock pulsing inside you, his cum spilling hot and thick, and you keep riding him through it, slowing only slightly, milking every last drop out of him, and you're babbling, encouraging him, praising him, "Yes, daddy, that's it, give me more, fill me up, so good, you're so good for me, such a good daddy, my good little slutâcome more, baby, I want it allâ"
When you finally stop, when you finally lift yourself off him, you can feel the mess â his cum and your slick dripping down your inner thighs, the evidence of everything you'd just done, and you crawl up his body and press a kiss to his lips, soft and sweet and so full of love that it makes your chest ache.
You reach down and wrap your hand around his cock, oversensitive and messy with both of you, and you stroke him slowly, spreading the mixture of your arousal and his cum along his length, the slick, filthy sound of it filling the quiet room, and you look down at him with a smile that's equal parts tender and satisfied.
"Does my baby feel better now?"
He smiles. A real smile, not the barely-there quirk of his lips that most people got, but the full, genuine, slightly dopey smile that was yours and yours alone, the one that made his eyes crinkle and his nose scrunch and made you fall in love with him all over again every single time.
"I do," he says, and his voice is rough and wrecked and warm, and you're about to lean in and kiss him again when his hand moves.
His hand comes up between your thighs, and before you can react, before you can process what's happening, his fingers are sliding inside you, two of them, then three, stretching you open with a suddenness that makes you gasp against his mouth, and your eyes go wide and you pull back and stare at him and he's looking at you with that dark, hungry look again, the one that says he's not done with you yet, the one that says you started this and he's going to finish it, and the shock of it, the sheer audacity of Sunghoon shoving three fingers inside you when you thought you were done, makes a sound escape your throat that's somewhere between a gasp and a laugh and a moan.
"SunghoonâwhatâIâyouâ"
"I won't be the only one who comes twice," he says, and his voice is rough and completely matter-of-fact, like he's stating the weather, like this is simply how things are going to be, and his fingers curl inside you and press against that spot and your brain short-circuits, your protest dissolving into a broken whine that you can't control.
He pulls you over him, positioning you so you're straddling his face, and his mouth finds your breast at the same time his fingers are fucking you, his tongue hot against your nipple, sucking and biting and licking while his three fingers stretch you open and curl and press and find that spot over and over and over, and everything is too much that your hands fist in his hair and you arch your back and you can't breathe, you can't think, you can't do anything except feel.
"Come for me," he says against your breast, and his voice vibrates through your nipple and straight down to your core, and the filth of it, the way his mouth is still on you and his fingers are still inside you and he's commanding you like it's totally normal, "Come for daddy."
You come so hard your vision whites out. Your walls clench around his fingers in pulsing waves, your entire body trembling, your voice breaking on his name, on daddy, on a sound that isn't even a word anymore, and he works you through it with the same steady, devastating rhythm, his fingers curling and pressing inside you while his mouth stays on your breast, and you can feel him smile against your skin when you clench around him, can feel the satisfaction radiating off him like heat, and he fingers you through it, through every aftershock, through every pulse, until you're pushing at his wrist and gasping from the overstimulation and your thighs are shaking so hard you can barely hold yourself up.
When it subsides, when the aftershocks have faded to small, trembling ripples, he gently lifts you off of him and lays you beside him on the pillow, and his fingers slide out of you slowly, and you whimper at the loss, and he brings his hand up to your face.
"Open," he says, and his voice is soft now, gentle, a command wrapped in tenderness, and you open your mouth without thinking, without questioning, because you're his and he's yours and this is what that means, and he slides his fingers inside, the ones that were just inside you, covered in your slick and his cum, and you suck them clean, your tongue swirling around each digit, tasting both of you on his skin, and his eyes are on your mouth and his expression is so raw and so full of something that looks like reverence and hunger and love all tangled together that it makes your chest hurt.
He pulls the blanket over both of you. The soft, heavy duvet that smells like your laundry detergent and his shampoo and home, and he wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you in close, your back to his chest, his breath warm and slow against the back of your neck, and the room is quiet except for the sound of your breathing slowly returning to normal.
"That was amazing," he says, and his voice is muffled against your hair, sleepy and satisfied and so soft that you almost miss it.
"I'm sorry," he says after a moment, quieter now, the sleepiness giving way to something more vulnerable. "For not telling you. For shutting you out."
You turn in his arms, because you need to see his face, because you need him to know that whatever was bothering him earlier doesn't change anything, doesn't diminish what you have, doesn't make you love him even one fraction less.Â
You're still too wrecked to form proper sentences, the sensation still running through you like electricity, making your muscles twitch and your breath catch and your skin tingle everywhere he touched you, but you manage a smile and whisper, "It's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay. You'll tell me when you're ready."
He looks at you for a long moment, and his eyes are clear now, no longer dull or guarded or shut off, and something in them shifts, softens, opens, and he pulls you in tighter by the waist and presses his forehead to yours, and you reach up and wipe the sweat from his forehead with your thumbs, gentle and so full of tenderness that it makes his breath catch.
And then he starts to talk.Â
Slowly, hesitantly, the words coming out in fits and starts, like he's testing each one before releasing it, like he's not sure how to give shape to the thing that's been sitting heavy in his chest all day. You don't push. You don't ask questions. You just lie there in his arms, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw, your thumb still brushing his temple, and you listen. You listen like you've always listened, with your whole body and your whole heart, and the words come, slowly at first and then faster, and the weight on his chest lifts piece by piece, and by the time he's done the room feels lighter and his arms feel tighter and his forehead is pressed to yours and he's saying, "Thank you. Thank you so, so much. For being patient with me. Forâum, for all of this."
And you smile, because that's all you can literally do, smile and hold him and know that whatever it was, whatever it is, you'll face it together, the way you face everything â side by side, wall to wall, unit 109 and unit 110, close enough to touch, and way too in love to leave.
â â.àłàż*:
æ çŸ : @simsimluver @maishee @grdientlips @yejisair777 @kristynaaah @heesroses @vmpiricou @seungiesdoll @malibluess @stwryun @hooniluhv @rikisn @hazeheart12 @exclipszz @melancholatte @bluepains @gojopolo @jasmineeeee1009 @ming1luvr @ni-k1ttie @enzsstuff01 @ixnotmee @emvss @simjaeyunslut @luvlyjaemin @kikizzz0 @ilovhoonie @starboyhee @prettygirlthings-world @jaesim @luv4dani @perristar @bkatarina | send an ask if youâd like to be added Ëđ·Ë
đż àż . . touch by cigarettes after sex
â· NOTE : thank you all so, so much for reading ! i hope you enjoyed this little world for a while ⥠all of this is purely a work of fiction & doesnât reflect reality at all . . likes, reblogs, and feedback are deeply cherished and very, very appreciated on here !
Jake usually moves through the house like a ghost, his "virgin nerd" persona defined by hunched shoulders and a nervous stutter that keeps the boundary between step-siblings firmly in place. However, behind closed doors, that awkwardness sharpens into a terrifyingly precise fixation, proving that his role as f-reader quiet step-brother was merely a mask for a deeply calculated hunger. When the tension finally snaps, the transformation is jarring; his stutter vanishes, replaced by a low, steady command and a raw, dominant intensity born from years of observing f-reader from the periphery of the family dynamic. This isn't about the hesitation of a novice, but a heavy-handed control where his intelligence is used to dismantle f-reader composure, turning years of repressed proximity into a rough, unapologetic claim.
đ đđ§đ«đ : college AU, smut (MDNI), porn with plot
đđšđ§đđđ§đ : they are both 20, fake nerd!jake, voyeurism, stalking, obsessive behaviour, jealousy, manhandling, masturbating, edging, filthy talk, oral sex (m. receiving), grinding, degradation, use of nicknames : baby, angel, good girl, face fucking
đ°đ : 8.5k
đ- this was so fun to work on, i think it's one of my fav request so far :)) it has been sitting in my drafts for so long omg. I will probably make a PART 2 of you guys want it and since I paused my Jay ff (Iâm procrastinating and might drop it guys). Enjoyyy :)
You wake up when the floorboards creak in the hallway. You wait in bed for five minutes, listening to the silence of the house, before you pull on a grey sweatshirt and walk downstairs.
In the kitchen, Jake is already sitting at the island, hunched over his laptop. His oversized black hoodie bunches around his neck, and his shoulders are rounded forward. When you step onto the tile, he flinches and quickly pushes his glasses up his nose.
"Oh. Hi," he says. His voice is quiet as he stumbles over the greeting. "Good morning."
"Morning," you say, walking to the counter. "Is there coffee?"
"Yeah. I made a pot." He points to the machine before he tucks his hands back into his sleeves. "It's still hot."
You pour yourself a mug. The ceramic is warm against your palms. You lean against the counter and look at him. "You have that midterm today?"
"Yeah, quantum maths. It's a pain in the ass." He types three keys and stops. "I've been awake since 5. My head hurts from looking at the formulas."
"Are you ready for it?"
"I think so. If I don't mess up the proofs." He looks up at you. His eyes blink rapidly behind his thick lenses and a faint red color spreads across his cheeks. "What about you? You have that group project presentation today, right? With the guy from your marketing class."
"Yeah, Damian. He hasn't sent me his half of the slides yet."
Jake's hands freeze on the keyboard. "He's a fucking idiot."
The sudden change in his tone makes you pause. His voice is flat and direct, without his usual wobble. When you look at him, he quickly slumps further into his hoodie, his eyes darting back to the screen.
"I mean," he mumbles, his voice rising back to its nervous pitch. "He just...he seems lazy. I see him sitting by the library sometimes, just talking on his phone."
"He is lazy," you say, taking a sip of the coffee. "I'll probably have to finish the presentation myself before noon."
Jake watches you drink. His head is turned toward you, his eyes fixed on your mouth, then your throat as you swallow. His face is completely still, devoid of the nervous twitching he usually does.
"You shouldn't have to do his work," Jake says.
You set your mug down on the granite. The sound makes him blink, and he immediately looks down at his keyboard again, his shoulders tensing.
"It's fine," you say. "I just want to get it over with."
"I could...I could look at your slides," he says, stammering slightly on the first word. "If you want. I can check the layout or make sure the alignment is correct."
"It's marketing, Jake. We just used a template."
"Right. Yeah. Of course." He nods quickly, his head bobbing four or five times. "Just...if you needed help."
He presses a key to lock his laptop before sliding it into his backpack. When he stands up, his actual height is obvious, he is clearly taller than you, but he immediately curves his spine, lowering his head as he zips the bag.
"I'm going to go to campus early," he says, his eyes focused on the floor near your feet. "I need to study more."
"Okay. Good luck on the test."
"Thanks." He walks past you, leaving a wide space between your bodies as he heads for the front door. "See you later."
The front door clicks shut and the kitchen is quiet again.
ââââââ
You pull into the gravel driveway at the exact same time Jakeâs car stops in the space next to yours. You both get out of your cars. Jake immediately ducks his head, grabbing his heavy backpack from the passenger seat and hoisting it over one slouched shoulder.
"Hey," he says, his voice quiet. He stands by his door, waiting for you to walk first.
"Hey," you say, walking toward the stone steps of the mansion. "How was the math midterm?"
"It was...hard. I think I got a B. Maybe a B-minus." He follows a few paces behind you, his sneakers squeaking on the stone.
Inside, the house is silent. Your mother is in Chicago for a week-long business conference, leaving just you, Jake, and his father.
Jakeâs dad is already sitting at the long mahogany dining table when you walk into the dining room. A roasted chicken and some sides are laid out on silver platters.
"There they are," he says, looking up from his phone. "Sit down. How was it today?"
You both sit. Jake takes the chair directly across from you. He immediately pulls his plate close, keeping his eyes on his food as he serves himself.
"It was fine," you say. "Just a bit busy."
"Thatâs good. So, we need to talk about summer," his dad says while carving the chicken. "Iâm booking a villa in Ibiza for July. You two are coming."
You set your fork down. "Oh, I don't think I can go. I wanted to take summer classes. I need to catch up on my biology credits."
Jakeâs dad sighs, waving his hand. "You work too hard. Take a break."
You look at Jake. He is chewing slowly. He swallows and looks up, his glasses slipping slightly down the bridge of his nose. He clears his throat twice.
"You, um...you can take the classes online," Jake says. His voice is small and hesitant. "The villa has high-speed internet. I looked at your syllabus on the counter yesterday. It's mostly reading and quizzes. I can...I can help you study if you get stuck. It wouldn't be a big deal."
He looks at you through his eyelashes, his expression nervous as if he is waiting for you to shut him down.
"See?" His dad says. "Jake will help you. It's settled."
Under the table, your knee accidentally bumps into Jake's. He doesn't pull his leg away immediately. He holds the contact for three seconds, his leg completely still against yours before he slowly flinches back and looks down at his plate.
"Okay," you say, looking at him. "I'll go."
After dinner, his dad goes to his study to make business calls. You and Jake sit in the main living room. A reality TV show plays on the flat-screen, yet neither of you is really watching it. Jake sits on the far end of the leather sofa, his knees pulled together and his laptop open on his thighs.
The air conditioning is on but the room feels stuffy. You pull at the collar of your t-shirt.
"It's fucking hot in here," you say.
"The compressor downstairs is old," Jake says, his fingers hovering over his keyboard. "Dad refuses to replace it."
"Let's go swim," you say while standing up. "The pool is clean. It'll feel better than sitting in here."
Jake looks up from his screen. He blinks. "Now?"
"Yeah, now. Come on, don't be boring."
He hesitates, his eyes darting to the door and back to his laptop. "Okay. I'll go change."
Ten minutes later, you meet by the outdoor pool. The blue lights under the water are on, casting bright reflections across the concrete patio. You are wearing a simple black bikini. Jake comes out in dark swim trunks and a white t-shirt.
"You're wearing a shirt?" you ask, dipping your legs into the water.
Jake sits on the edge, a foot away from you, letting his feet dangle in the pool. He looks at the water, keeping his eyes away from your body. "I don't want to get sunburned."
"It's 9 o'clock at night, Jake. There is no sun."
"It's a habit," he mumbles, his shoulders curving inward.
You splash a bit of water at his feet.
"Seriously, though," you say, leaning back on your hands. "Do you ever do anything fun? Do you even like girls?"
Jake freezes. His feet stop moving in the water. "What?"
"I've lived here for two years, and you've never brought a girl home. Not even a friend who is a girl."
He keeps his eyes on the water. His voice is very quiet. "I don't have time for that. I'm focusing on my degree."
"Right. Sure."
Thereâs a silence settling in between you two. So you decide to eventually break it.
"I havenât heard anything from Jay. What about him?" you ask, watching his profile. "He came over last week to drop off your textbooks. You should invite him over more often."
The nervous and slouched posture Jake has maintained all night vanishes in an instant. His spine straightens. He turns his head to look at you, and the movement is fast, completely lacking his usual hesitation. His jaw is clenched so hard a muscle twitches in his cheek.
"Jay is a fucking jerk," Jake says.
His voice isn't high or shaky anymore. It is dry and perfectly steady. You stare at him, surprised by the sudden bite in his tone. "He was nice to me though."
"He's a dumbass who fails half his classes and spends his weekends getting black-out drunk just because he has the money for it," Jake says, his eyes locking onto yours. "He isn't coming back to this house."
"Why are you saying things like that?" you ask, your heart beating a little faster against your ribs. "He's your friend."
Jake stares at you for another second. The expression on his face is cold, without any of his usual softness. He looks down at your collarbone and slowly back up to your eyes. He clears his throat and slumps his shoulders back down, his head dropping as he rubs the back of his neck. The nervous stutter returns but it sounds slightly forced.
"I just...I don't want him around anymore," Jake stammers, his voice rising back to its soft and shaky register. "He's...he's being annoying. He makes a mess. And he's loud."
He slides into the pool, letting the water come up to his chest, hiding his frame. But even underwater, his eyes stay on you, tracking your every move.
ââââââ
The house was unnervingly quiet. One week before summer break, and the entire afternoon stretched before Jake, empty and ripe with opportunity. Not for studying nor packing, itâs actually for you.
His heart hammered against his ribs as he pushed open the door to your bedroom. The air was filled with the scent of your perfume and he loved it. He breathed it in deeply, his eyes scanning the room. Your bed was perfectly made. However it was the walk-in closet that called to him.
He stepped inside, the soft carpet muffling his footsteps. Your dressing room was a sanctuary of all his desires. Dresses hung on one side, blouses on the other. But his gaze fell to the dresser, its top neatly arranged with perfumes and jewelry. He pulled open the top drawer. There they were. Rows and rows of your panties. Lace, silk, cotton. Thongs, briefs, boyshorts.
His hands trembled as he reached in, his fingers brushing against the delicate material. He pulled out a black lace pair. He brought them to his face, inhaling your scent that made his cock twitch in his pants. He was sick, he knew he was. A depraved and obsessed freak, but he just couldn't stop. He snapped picture after picture with his phone, capturing the intimate details of your underwear drawer for his own personal collection.
Next, he moved to your desk, your laptop left open and sleeping. He shook the mouse, and the screen lit up. He was in. Your social media was already pulled up. He clicked on Instagram, his eyes scanning your feed. Pictures of you with your friends, selfies from class, a few with your mom and his dad. Then something immediately catched his eyes. A private message thread with Jay. âThat motherfuckerâ he thought.
He clicked on it, his stomach clenching. The conversation was ambiguous, full of inside jokes. Jay had sent a picture of himself, at the gym, probably to show you where he was and what he was doing. You'd like the picture and replied that he looked pretty good. After that, a message from Jay that made Jake's blood boil cold : "Can't wait for summer break. Maybe we can see each other."
A low growl rumbled in Jake's chest. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he muttered to the empty room. "Fucking asshole. You think you can have her just like that? Youâre fucking dead." He slammed the laptop shut, the sound echoing in the quiet room. He had to see you. He had to watch you.
He retrieved the tiny camera he'd bought online, his hands shaking with a mixture of adrenaline and rage. He scanned the room, his eyes landing on the bookshelf across from your bed. Perfect. He climbed onto a chair, his fingers working quickly as he positioned the camera between two dusty hardcovers, the lens pointed directly at your bed. It was so small and almost invisible. He connected it to his phone, the live feed popping up instantly. He adjusted the angle, a sick sense of satisfaction settling in his gut. Now he could see you whenever he wanted, he could have you, in his own twisted way.
Hours later, he heard the front door open. You were home. He scrambled to his room, his heart pounding and locked the door. He grabbed his phone, opening the camera app, his eyes glued to the screen. He watched as you entered your bedroom, dropping your bag on the floor with a sigh. You looked tired, your hair slightly messy from a long day of classes. You stretched, your arms reaching for the ceiling, your shirt riding up to expose a sliver of skin on your stomach. Jake's breath hitched.
You turned your back to the camera, unbuttoning your jeans and shimmying out of them. His eyes were glued to the screen, his hand already palming his hardening cock through his pants. You stood there in your t-shirt and a simple pair of cotton panties, the ones he'd seen in your drawer that morning. You reached for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head, revealing a plain white bra. You unhooked it, letting it fall to the floor, and Jake's cock sprang to life, straining against the fabric of his pajamas.
He freed himself, his hand wrapping around his thick shaft, his eyes still locked on the screen. You were just in your panties now, your body even more perfect than he'd imagined. He watched as you walked to your dresser, pulling out a silk nightgown, the fabric shimmering in the soft light of your room.
He started to stroke himself, his movements slow and sharp, his eyes never leaving the screen. He imagined it was his hands on your skin, his lips tracing the line of your collarbone. He imagined you looking up at him, with your beautiful eyes, whispering his name.
"Fuck, Y/N." he grunted, his strokes becoming faster, more urgent. He was so close. He watched as you slipped the nightgown over your head, the silk clinging to your body like a second skin. You climbed into bed, pulling the covers up to your chin, and switched off the lamp.
The screen went dark but it was too late. With a final groan, Jake came, his release spurting onto his stomach and chest. He lay there, panting, his phone still clutched in his hand. He was sick, twisted, obsessed. As he stared at the dark screen, a satisfied smile spread across his face. He had you now. He had a piece of you, a secret part of you, all to himself. And he would never, ever let you go.
ââââââ
Finally, summer break. The villa in Ibiza is built from white stone that holds the heat long after the sun goes down. You are sitting at the glass table on the terrace, squinting at your laptop screen while the Mediterranean wind tosses the pages of your textbook.
The biology quiz on the screen is full of red marks. You click an answer, get it wrong, and hiss a curse under your breath.
"Thatâs the third time youâve picked the same protein synthesis pathway," Jake says. Heâs sitting on the lounger behind you, hunched over a thick paperback. Heâs clearly been tracking your failure.
"I know what I'm doing, Jake," you snap, clicking through to the next question.
"You clearly don't. You're forcing it because you're frustrated." He sighs, his voice thin and shaky. "If you just...if you looked at the diagram on page 214, it wouldâ"
"I don't need the diagram, I need this to be over so I can go outside." You click another random answer. Wrong again. "Fuck this."
The chair behind you scrapes harshly against the stone. Suddenly, Jake is standing right over you. He grabs the back of your chair and spins it around so youâre forced to look at him.
"Stop clicking," he says.
The stutter is gone. His voice is flat. He leans down, placing one hand on the table and the other on the arm of your chair, effectively pinning you in place. His eyes are cold and intensely focused, stripped of their usual nervous blinking.
"You are wasting your time," he says, his gaze boring into yours. "Open the book. Read the section I told you to read. Do not click another button until you can explain the process back to me. Okay?"
You stare at him, your mouth slightly open. The quiet side of him is nowhere to be found; in his place is someone who looks like he could dismantle your entire argument with a single sentence.
"Iâ" you start but the words catch.
Jake blinks. The sharp lines of his face suddenly go soft. He recoils as if heâs been burned, his shoulders hitting his ears as he slumps back into his usual posture. He looks at his shoes, his fingers twitching at his sides.
"I...I mean," he stammers, his voice jumping back up higher. "It would just...it would save you time. S-sorry. I didn't mean to be...whatever that was."
He won't look at you now and he edges back toward his lounger. "Iâm going to go down to the beach in 10 minutes. If you want to come. But, uh...finish the work first. I'll wait at the cove."
It takes you 40 minutes to finish. By the time you trek down the private stone path to the beach, the sun is beginning to dip, turning the sand into a pale gold. You spot him standing near the water's edge. Heâs taken his shirt off, and the sight stops you in your tracks. Without the oversized hoodies to hide in, his frame is lean and surprisingly muscular, his skin tanned from the few days you've been here. Heâs standing tall, looking out at the horizon, his posture relaxed and confident.
"Took you long enough," he calls out. He doesn't turn around but he knows it's you.
"The quiz was a bitch," you say, walking up to him. Up close, he looks different. His hair is pushed back by the wind and he isn't wearing his glasses.
He turns to look at you and grins. "Maybe youâre just a slow learner."
"Excuse me?" you laugh, shoving his shoulder.
"I'm just saying. I finished my credits two years ago." He dodges your next shove with a quick movement.
"You seem...different today," you say, eyeing him. "Did the salt air fix your brain?"
Jake shrugs, kicking a bit of foam toward you. "Maybe. Or maybe thereâs just nobody here to perform for." He steps closer, his shadow falling over you. "Is it a problem?"
"No," you murmur. "Itâs just...weird."
"Life is weird, you know." he says. Without warning, he reaches down and hooks his arms under your knees and around your back.
"Jake ! Put me down !" You shriek, grabbing his shoulders for balance. His skin is hot and slightly grit with salt.
"You need to cool off," he says. Heâs not struggling with your weight at all. He walks into the surf, the water splashing against his thighs.
"Jake, I swear to Godâ"
He drops you. You hit the water with a splash, coming up gasping and shivering. You immediately lunged for him, grabbing his waist to pull him down with you. He loses his footing, and you both go under, treading water in the shallow break. You come up laughing, wiping hair from your face. Jake is right in front of you, his hands resting on your waist to steady you against a coming wave. The playfulness vanishes as the water settles between you.
The wave pushes you forward, flush against his chest. His hands tighten on your waist, pulling you closer instead of letting you drift back. You look up, expecting to see his nervousness on his face, his eyes are fixed on your lips.
He leans in, agonizingly slow, giving you every second to move away. But you just feel like you don't want to.
When his lips touch yours, itâs not an accident of the waves. It lasts only a second where the world disappears, before he pulls back just an inch. His breath is jagged.
"S-sorry," he whispers, the stutter returning like a ghost. "The wave...pushed us."
He lets go of your waist and turns toward the shore, his shoulders already starting to hunch as he retreats into the surf.
The walk back up to the villa was silent.
Inside the villa, the air was cooler than a few hours ago. Jake disappeared into his suite immediately, leaving you standing in the foyer with damp hair and a racing pulse. You waited, leaning against the wall, until you heard the shower stop. When he finally stepped out into the hallway, he was wearing a fresh white t-shirt and grey joggers, his hair still dark and dripping.
"Jake," you said, your voice sounding thin in the high-ceilinged hall.
He stopped, his hand tightening on the towel around his neck.
"About the beach," you started, crossing your arms. "The kiss. It was...a mistake. The waves, everythingâŠwe should just forget it."
Jake was quiet for a long beat. He finally looked at you, his eyes unreadable behind the droplets of water clinging to his lashes. "Itâs okay," he said. His voice was dull, almost sounding empty. "I already forgot."
He brushed past you, the scent of his soap lingering in the air, and disappeared into the kitchen. You retreated to your room and threw yourself onto the bed. You stared at the ceiling, trying to focus on your biology notes, but your mind kept looping back to the feeling of his hands on your waist. You tried to convince yourself that the spark was just a fluke, a side effect of the sun, yet the memory of his gaze in the water felt like a bruise that wouldn't stop aching.
Restless, you eventually left your room to wander in the villa. You ended up in a wing you hadn't explored yet. You pushed open a heavy oak door and found yourself in a studio bathed in the blue light of the moon. The room was filled with art pieces. Large canvases leaned against the walls, and stone statues, half-finished figures emerging from marble that stood on pedestals like in a museum. This was Jakeâs motherâs space. You knew she had been an artist, but the sheer raw emotion in the room was overwhelming.
Jake stood perfectly still. He looked like one of the sculptures himself, a silhouette carved out of the darkness. You stopped a few feet away from him, your eyes wandering over the canvas near his shoulder.
"She stayed in here for days at a time," Jake said. His voice echoing through the room. "Dad hated it. He thought it was a waste of energy to create things that didn't have a profit margin."
"Itâs not a waste," you said, stepping closer to a marble bust. You reached out, running your thumb over the cold and polished cheek of the figure. "Itâs honest. You can feel how much she cared about this."
Jake turned his body toward you. He leaned his lower back against a heavy wooden workbench, his long legs stretching out across the floor. He wasn't hiding in his hoodie tonight, he was wearing a simple t-shirt that showed the sharp lines of his shoulders.
"Honesty is dangerous," he said. "People spend their whole lives building walls so they don't have to be honest. Then they come in here and realize theyâre transparent."
"Is that why youâre in here?" you asked, looking at him. "To feel transparent?"
He watched you, his gaze moving from your eyes down to the hand you still had resting on the statue and back up again. The air in the room felt like it was thickening, becoming harder to breathe. He looked like he was taking you apart, piece by piece, analyzing the way the moonlight hit your skin.
"Iâm in here because itâs the only room in this house where I don't have to pretend," he said. The honesty in his voice was a physical weight. He took a step toward you, closing the distance until you had to tilt your head back to maintain eye contact. The height difference you usually ignored felt overwhelming now.
"You look pretty," he said. "Especially in this light. With your hair like that."
Your throat went dry. You expected him to look away, to blush and stammer a retraction, to go back to being the boy who couldn't look you in the eye at breakfast. But he didn't. He kept his eyes locked on yours, his expression unreadable and heavy.
"Jake," you breathed, the name more of a question than anything else.
"Oh please," he murmured, his voice dropping lower, sounding like velvet. "Don't look at me like you're surprised. You've been watching me just as much as I've been watching you."
He reached out, his hand hovering near your face for a second before he tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers were warm, and they lingered there, his thumb ghosting over the shell of your ear with a slow pressure.
He let his hand drop yet he didn't move back. He stood there, looking satisfied with just being close to his prey, close to you. "Go to bed," he said, the command soft but absolute. "Before I stop being nice about it." You froze in an instant to his tone. He slightly turns before leaving. His voice suddenly softens. "If youâre searching for me, Iâll be at the pool. Goodnight."
ââââââ
You shut the door to your suite and leaned your back against the wood, your lungs struggling to find a steady rhythm. The heat from his thumb against your ear felt like it had been branded into your skin. You walked to the floor-to-ceiling glass doors that led to your private balcony, needing the cold air to snap you out of the haze.
The moon illuminated the entire grounds, turning the pool into a glowing sapphire rectangle against the dark stone of the terrace.
A ripple broke the surface. He was there.
You stayed in the shadows of your room, watching. He moved through the water with a fluid, powerful stroke that was completely the opposite of the clumsy and apologetic boy who tripped over his own feet in the kitchen. He reached the edge of the pool and hauled himself out in one smooth motion.
Water cascaded down his back, defining the muscles of his shoulders and the lean taper of his waist. He stood there for a moment, dripping, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths.He looked nothing like what you were thinking he was during those two years. He looked athletic, confident, and entirely too comfortable in his own skin.
You watched the way he ran a hand through his wet hair, pushing it back from his forehead. You found yourself wondering if he had ever been with anyone. The stutter, the hunched posture, and his awkwardness, it all felt like a clever lie now. If he could fake his entire personality, what else was he hiding? Could someone who looked like that, who moved like that, really be as inexperienced as he claimed to be?
He reached for a towel on a nearby chair, rubbing it over his face. Then, as if he could feel the weight of your stare from the second floor, his head snapped up. He didn't look startled. Not at all. He looked directly at the spot where you were standing in the darkness.
The distance was too great to see his eyes clearly, but the shift in his expression was unmistakable. A slow, knowing smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth ; a look of pure arrogant satisfaction. It was a silent acknowledgement that he knew exactly what you were doing. He knew you were watching, and he knew you liked what you saw.
Without a word, he slung the towel over his shoulder and walked toward the sliding doors of the villa, disappearing inside and leaving you alone with the sound of your own beating heart.
ââââââ
The next morning, you sat at the breakfast table, picking at a plate of fruit while Jakeâs dad scrolled through his emails at the head of the table.
Jake was sitting across from you, the nerd act back in full effect. He was slouched, his glasses slightly crooked, staring intensely at a bowl of cereal. But under the table, his foot found yours. He hooked his ankle around yours and began to slowly slide his foot up your calf. You stiffened, your fork hovering in mid-air. You looked at him, but he was mid-stutter, answering a question from his dad about the stock market.
"I-I think the tech sector is just...it's volatile right now, Dad," Jake mumbled, his face a mask of awkward concentration.
Beneath the tablecloth, his foot pressed harder, his toes tracing the sensitive skin behind your knee. You shifted in your seat, your face heating up. You tried to pull away, but he followed, his movements precise and unrelenting. He was watching you out of the corner of his eye, a tiny, almost imperceptible twitch of his lips the only sign he was enjoying your frustration.
"Are you kay?" His dad asked, looking up. "You're barely eating."
"I'm fine," you said, your voice a bit too sharp. "Iâm just not hungry."
Jake finally pulled his foot away, sitting up straight. "Actually, Dad, I'm g-going out today. Some guys from the engineering department are in Ibiza for the week. They invited me to a beach club."
His dad looked surprised. "Good for you, Jake. You need to get out more. Why don't you take her with you ?"
Jake turned to you, his eyes wide and blinking. "Oh, yeah. Do you...do you want to come? It might be b-boring, but..."
"Will Jay be there?" you asked, leaning back. "He mentioned to me that he was coming to Ibiza."
The change was instantaneous. Jakeâs expression flattened. His shyness didn't just fade, it evaporated into a cold and hard wall. He stood up, grabbing his phone.
"Nevermind," he said, his voice dropping into that low, steady register. "You're not coming."
He walked out of the dining room without looking back.
By 10:00 PM, the villa felt like a tomb. Jakeâs dad had gone to bed early, and Jake hadn't returned. You tried to watch a movie, but the silence of the house was grating. On a whim, you grabbed your purse and headed out. You needed noise.
You took a taxi and got toward the town, the neon lights of the coast beginning to blur. You got out of the car and dialed Jakeâs number. He picked up on the third ring. The background noise was a low thumping bass.
"Where are you?" you asked. "I'm bored out of my mind."
"I'm at a place called The Vault," he said with no stutter, the noise of a party in the background. "Come if you want. I'll put your name at the door."
He hung up.
When you pulled up to The Vault, you noticed the blacked-out windows and the massive security guards, but you didn't think much of it, everything in Ibiza was over-the-top. You walked past the velvet rope and into the red-lit interior.
As soon as you entered you saw the stage. It was a platform where a woman was slowly spinning around a chrome pole. You froze. It was a strip club. A high-end and discreet one, but a strip club nonetheless.
You scanned the room, your heart hammering. In the far corner, a raised VIP section was cordoned off. You saw Jay first, laughing with a drink in his hand, a girl in a minimal outfit leaning against his shoulder. A few seconds after you saw Jake.
He was leaning back in a deep leather booth, a glass of liquor in his hand. He looked like he owned the entire building. His black button-down was open at the collar, and he looked relaxed, dangerous, and entirely in control. He caught your eye across the smoky room. He didn't look shocked to see you, he smiled and signaled for the guard to let you up.
"Damn, Y/N? Is that really you ?" Jay shouted over the music as you reached the booth. "Jake said you were too much of a âgood girlâ for this place."
Jake didn't say a word as he shifted over, patting the leather seat right next to him. "Sit down." You sat, your thigh pressed against his. The heat from his body was immediate. The tension from the morning hadn't vanished, it had condensed into something much sharper.
"You didn't tell me what kind of club this was," you hissed into his ear.
Jake leaned in close, his lips brushing against your earlobe. "I told you exactly where I was. You're the one who decided to show up."
He took a slow sip of his drink, his eyes fixed on the stage where a dancer was performing. He didn't look away but his hand moved, his fingers splaying across your knee.
"Since you're here," he murmured, his voice voice through the loud music, "you might as well watch. Itâs educational, isn't it?"
Jay was busy talking to someone else, leaving you trapped in Jake's orbit. His hand started to move, his thumb tracing slow and rhythmic circles on the fabric of your skirt. Every time the bass dropped, his grip tightened just a fraction.
"You're different here," you say, looking at his profile.
He turned his head slowly, his face inches from yours. The red light of the club made his eyes look almost black.
"I'm the same as I always was," he said. "Maybe you werenât just paying attention to that."
He leaned back, his arm draping over the back of the booth behind your head, effectively caging you in. He looked over at Jay, then back to you, his eyes narrowing.
"Do you still think he's handsome?" Jake asked, his voice low. "Or do I have your full attention now?"
ââââââ
The night air was a welcome shock after the suffocating heat of the club. It clung to your skin, cool and sharp, doing little to sober you up but clearing your head just enough. The world tilted pleasantly as you walked, Jake's hand a firm, grounding pressure on your elbow, steering you through the loose crowd of people lingering on the sidewalk.
"I had no idea you were that much fun," you said, the words bubbling up, loose and unrestrained. You leaned your head against his shoulder for a moment as he unlocked the car door. "Like, genuinely fun. Thatâs crazy."
He let out a short, amused breath as he helped you into the passenger seat. "Gee, thanks. I'll cherish that compliment forever." He didn't sound offended, he was entertained. The engine rumbled to life and the city lights smeared across the windshield as he pulled away from the curb.
The ride home was comfortably quiet, the sound of the radio a distant melody beneath the sound of your own breathing. You watched him, noticing how he was so familiar, a constant in your life for years, but tonight, he felt different.
Inside the villa, instead of disappearing in his room like he usually did, he followed you into the kitchen, his movements quiet. You sank onto a barstool, resting your head in your hands.
"Here," he said softly. A glass of water appeared in front of you, along with two little white pills. "You'll thank me tomorrow."
You looked up at him, at the genuine concern etched on his face in the soft lighting. He was actually taking care of you. A warmth bloomed in your chest, a feeling so intense and sudden it almost took your breath away. It wasn't new, you realized with a jolt. It had been there for a while, buried under layers of the step-brother status and growing quietly in the dark. Tonight, the alcohol had simply stripped away the camouflage.
"Jake," you said, your voice barely audible.
"Hmm?" He was leaning against the counter opposite you, arms crossed and watching you.
You stood up, the stool scraping softly against the floor. You closed the small distance between you until you were standing so close you could see the flecks of gold in his brown eyes. "I really want to kiss you."
The words hung in the air between you. For a split second, you saw it ; a hint of something in his eyes. Hesitation ? Maybe conflict ? It was there and now itâs gone, replaced by a thing youâve never seen before. He didn't move, like he just froze. So you took the initiative. You rose onto your toes and pressed your lips to his.
For a terrifying moment, he was still, a statue under your touch. And with a soft groan that sounded like surrender, he gave in. His hands shot out, one tangling in your hair, the other gripping your waist to pull you flush against him. The kiss was nothing like you'd imagined. It was hungry, a little desperate, a release of all the tension that was built since then. His tongue swept against yours, claiming your mouth, it was possessive and a little bit angry.
He walked you backward out of the kitchen and down the hall, his lips never leaving yours, guiding you with his body until your back hit the door of your bedroom. He fumbled with the handle, pushing it open and kicking it shut behind you. He broke the kiss, both of you breathing heavily in the darkness of your room.
"Y/N," he breathed, his voice rough. "I canâtâ"
However he was already moving, pushing you gently towards your bed. You sat down on the edge, looking up at him. He stood before you, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his expression a storm of conflicting emotions. He slowly lowered himself to his knees in front of you on the bed. The sight of him there, sent a jolt of pure arousal straight through you. He placed his hands on your knees, spreading them apart. Then, he lifted one leg, placing his denim-clad thigh firmly between yours, right against the core of you.
"Go on," he urged, his voice a low command. "Take what you need."
It was an invitation you couldn't refuse. You began to move, rocking your hips against the hard muscle of his thigh. The friction of your core against him, the pressure right where you needed it, was intoxicating. Your hands gripped his forearm, your head falling back as you found a rhythm, chasing the pleasure that was building rapidly inside you.
"That's it," he murmured, his hands sliding up your thighs to your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh. "Just like that. Fuck, you look so good riding my thigh."
His words were gasoline on a fire. You moved faster, grinding against him, the coil in your stomach tightening and tightening, until you were right there, hovering on the precipice of your release. You could feel it, so close you could almost taste it.
But he moved.
He shifted his leg, just enough to break the perfect, maddening pressure. A whine of protest escaped your lips, your eyes flying open to meet his. He was watching you, his expression dark, a look of cruel satisfaction on his face.
"Jake," you begged, your hips still twitching with need.
He leaned in, his lips brushing against your ear. "Not tonight, angel." he whispered, his voice a soft, devastating blow. He placed a gentle, almost chaste kiss on your cheek. Then he stood up, leaving you cold and wanting on the edge of your bed.
He walked to the door without looking back. "Goodnight, Y/N."
The door clicked shut behind him, leaving you in the sudden, deafening silence of your room, your body humming with unfulfilled desire and the shocking, undeniable truth of your feelings for him.
ââââââ
The villa felt larger and colder with Jakeâs dad gone. The morning light was flat and grey, a sharp contrast to the blistering heat of the previous week. You sat on the edge of the sofa in the main living area, watching the dust motes dance in the air.
Jake had been a ghost all morning. Heâd walked past you three times without a word, his eyes fixed on his phone or the floor, his shoulders back in their defensive, rounded slump.
The glass doors slid open, and Jake stepped inside from the terrace, dripping wet. His hair was plastered to his forehead, and a towel was slung loosely around his neck. He started toward the hallway, his head down, intending to bypass you entirely.
"Why are you ignoring me ?"
The question came out of nowhere. It was born from a week of mounting frustration and the strange, electric silence that had followed the night at the club.
Jake stopped, not turning around immediately. He stood with his back to you, the water from his swim trunks pooling on the stone floor. When he finally looked over his shoulder, he had the shy mask pulled tight. His eyes were wide, and he blinked rapidly behind his damp glasses.
"I...I'm n-not," he stammered, his voice thin. "I just have a lot of...work. From the university. The fall semester is starting soon, and Iâ"
"Stop it, Jake." You stood up, walking toward him until you were only a few feet away. "Youâve been avoiding eye contact since breakfast. You didn't even say good morning."
"I was just...busy, thatâs all." he mummurred, looking at his feet.
"Why do you do that?" you asked, your curiosity finally overriding your caution. "How do you do it? One minute you're the guy who can't speak a full sentence without shaking, and the next youâre the person I saw at that club. And we evenâ" you stop yourself, the memories of the night before coming back to life in your head.
Jake stayed silent but you could notice how he stopped blinking frantically.
"Itâs just us, Jake," you stepped closer, your voice dropping. "Nobody is watching. You don't have to play the part. Itâs exhausting to watch you switch back and forth."
He still didn't speak, his breathing shallow.
"Something is happening," you said, the honesty of the statement making your heart thud. "Between us. Itâs been growing during the whole summer break, and you know it. Why are you pretending itâs not?"
Not a single recoil. He slowly stood up straight, the hunch in his spine vanishing as he reached his full height. He pulled the towel from his neck and used it to slowly wipe the water from his face. When he dropped the towel onto a nearby chair, the shy boy was gone. His expression was unreadable. He didn't deny it nor did he confirm it. He looked at you with a terrifyingly calm intensity that made the air in the room feel unbearable.
Then, the corner of his mouth ticked upward into a slow, smug smile. It was the look of someone who had been caught but didn't care.
"I'm going to take a shower," he said. His voice was a steady vibration, completely devoid of any tremor. He started toward his suite, but as he reached the door, he paused and looked back at you over his shoulder. He let his gaze wander down your body before meeting your eyes again.
"You could always come with me," he murmured, his tone mocking and sharp. "If youâre so worried about being ignored."
Before you could answer, he stepped into his room and closed the door, the click of the lock echoing through the empty villa.
ââââââ
Beyond all of this, you decided to cook. Not because you were hungry, itâs just because it was the only thing you could do to keep your mind off what happened these previous days. You focused on the task, deliberately keeping your mind off the shower running down the hall or the way he had looked at you before closing his door. You weren't going to wait for him.
The scent of his soap hits you a second before the heat of his body did.
You didn't hear his footsteps, but suddenly, thick arms slid around your waist, pulling you back against a solid, damp chest. You froze, the knife still in your hand, as his chin came to rest on your shoulder. He smelled of clean skin and a faint, expensive cologne.
"What's for dinner?" he asked.
His voice was a deep vibration against your ear, devoid of any stutter. He tightened his grip, his hands splaying across your stomach, pulling you flush against him so you could feel the dampness of his fresh t-shirt.
"Pasta," you managed to say, though your voice sounded strained. "And letâs go of me, Jake. Iâm holding a knife."
"You're so tense," he murmured, ignoring your request. He shifted, his nose brushing against the sensitive skin of your neck. "Your heart is going like crazy. Why is that?"
"Itâs hot in here. The stove is on."
"Right. The stove." He let out a short, dry laugh ; a sound that was more of a scoff. He turned you around in his arms, forcing you to face him. He leaned back against the counter, trapping you between his legs. His glasses were gone, and his eyes were dark, tracking the way your breathing had become shallow. "Youâre a fucking liar."
"And you're a fucking prick for playing these stupid games with me," you snapped, trying to push against his chest.
He didn't budge. He watched you, his hands moving to your hips to hold you in place. The shyness was nowhere to be found ; he looked at you with a heavy-handed confidence that felt predatory.
"You could eat something better than pasta," he said.
Before you could ask what he meant, he tilted your head back. He leaned down and captured your mouth with a raw, dominant intensity. This was deep and unapologetic, his tongue sliding against yours as he tasted you with hunger. He kissed you like he was finally claiming something heâd been watching from the periphery for years, his hands gripping your hips hard enough that you knew there would be marks the next day. The air in the kitchen felt like it was disappearing, leaving only the heat of him and the sharp, sudden reality that the mask had finally stayed off.
His hand slid from your waist to the back of your neck, his fingers tangling in your hair with a gentle but possessive grip. He pulled you toward him, and the next thing you knew, you were on your knees on the cool tile. The transition was seamless. You looked up at him, his presence towering over you, and reached out lower his sweatpants and his boxers. He wasn't interested in a slow and teasing exploration. He wanted it now.
You took him into your mouth, the taste of him flooding your senses. You started with a slow, prudent rhythm, your tongue tracing the vein along the underside, but the look in his eyes told you he wasn't in the mood for patience. His hand tightened in your hair as a silent command, and he guided your head downward.
You gagged slightly, the sudden intrusion making your eyes water, yet you didn't pull away. You let him take control, his hips thrusting forward, setting a rhythm that was faster than you expected. The kitchen was filled with the wet, obscene sounds of your mouths, a deafening contrast to the peaceful scenery of the villa.
"Thatâs a good girl," he growled, his other hand gripping your cheek.
You looked up at him through glazed eyes, a soft, pathetic whine escaping you around his cock. It was a sound of pure surrender, of being overwhelmed by sensation. He groaned again, the sound low and feral, and began to face fuck you with ruthless precision. Each thrust was harder than the last, his cock hitting the back of your throat, forcing you to take it all.
You couldn't do anything but hold on, your hands gripping his thighs for support, your breath coming in short and ragged gasps. You were completely at his mercy, his tool a piston driving into your mouth with increasing speed and ferocity. The heat of the room seemed to spike, the air feeling thick and charged with desire.
"That's it," he commanded, his voice strained. "Take it all. You love this, don't you? You love getting fucked in the mouth."
You whined again, a mix of pleasure and desperation, your body trembling as he bottomed out. You couldn't speak or couldn't form words, surrendered to the rhythm he set, letting him use your mouth exactly the way he wanted.
He stopped and pulled out, bringing his fingers to your mouth. You suck on his finger, swirling your tongue around the tip like itâs the most delicious thing in the world, desperate to taste more of him even as you gasp for air. He watches you with a smirk, pulling his hand out slowly and watching you chase it, lips parting in a pathetic whine. "God, look at you," he scoffs, his voice dripping with contempt. "You're dripping all over the floor like a desperate little slut."
He lifts his pelvis, dragging the slick, angry head of his cock against your wet, swollen lips. He doesn't let you swallow him this time. He taps the tip rhythmically against your mouthâtap, tap, tapâteasing you, denying you the fullness you're begging for. "You want it ? Sorry, baby."
He pulls away completely, leaving you straining on the cold floor, mouth open and wanting. He pulls his pants and boxers up with a casual snap, ignoring your hand reaching out for him. "Enjoy your pasta alone," he says, turning on his heel and walking out of the kitchen, leaving you panting and aching on the tiles.
Must be a cannibal, fucking me like an animal. Balls hit my pussy like cannonball
ENHYPEN NSFW twitter links
Sunghoon Ă fem.reader | Dead Dove Do Not Eat I repeat DDNE | Sunghoon is your step bro idgaf itâs for the plot | MDNI I must be logged into X to view videos
This is also a hentai link lmao so if thatâs not for you, then donât watch but if you can read you donât need me to tell you that. Also not gonna be like your typical post, I just need to get this off my chest
Scene 1
The concept of Sunghoon being your shy and inexperienced little step brother who you come home and use for your oral fixation. He just lets you put your mouth on his cock and never says a word. Heâd be sitting in his gaming chair and you would be sucking him like your life depended on it. Youâve never gonna last giving him blowjobs before but youâre so horny you canât think. Youâre gonna climb into Sunghoonâs lap, rub your pussy over his dick while he gains the confidence to stuff his fingers in your mouth. Youâre constantly teasing him about always being so flustered around you and heâs tired of it. So heâs gonna have you on your knees so he can fuck your throat and make sure you take all of his cum down it.
Scene 2
You really thought you were in control? Sunghoonâs lost it now. After all the teasing you had put him through, mouthing at his cock whenever you please. He was going to make you take his dick in your tight little pussy. Heâs going to pound into you, ignore your little pleas asking him to slow down. He canât help himself, you feel so nice and tight around him. Heâs going to lift your legs up so your knees are to your shoulders and bounce you on his dick so you can really feel it. Heâs going to give you all his cum and youâre gonna take it all and let it drip out of you.
Scene 3 & Scene 4
A few days after your little mishap with Sunghoon you couldnât get his cock out of your mind. So you think about how you could get access to it at all times. You make your own make shift glory hole! That connects his room to yours. Sunghoon is speechless, he stares at the hole wondering what heâs supposed to do. So you make his life easier for him, offering your pussy through the hole. Both of you fail to hear the keys to the front door, silly you, you forgot to lock your own bedroom door and Sunghoon has his cock deep in you. You both freeze as you quickly grab your blanket to cover yourself, Sunghoonâs cock still in you, unmoving. Your mum enters your room, asking you multiple questions as Sunghoon is on the other side of the wall fighting for his life. Sunghoon canât resist, heâs gonna keep fucking your pussy even if mum is there. So thatâs what he does.
Thankyou for coming to my TED talk. This is very much Sunghoon behaviour.
Youâre fixing your lip gloss in the reflection of Jakeâs borrowed your calculator, your attention completely lost on the cherry-pink shine instead of the math worksheet sitting untouched in front of you.
âBaby,â he murmurs, leaning back in his chair with that lazy grin that gets him out of trouble far too often, âyou look fine.â
You blink at him, doe-eyed.
âReally?â
Jake almost laughs at how serious you sound. "Yeah, really. Wouldn't say it if it wasn't true." His hand snakes out, fingers catching your chin before you can react. "But pretty faces donât pass tests."
You giggle because compliments make your brain go fizzy, and he leans over and kisses you once, soft and lingering, like heâs rewarding you for being cute. When he pulls back, his thumb smears your lip gloss across your bottom lip.
"Now," he says, tapping his pencil against your notebook, "are we gonna pretend to study, or am I wasting my time here?"
You pout at the notebook, like a child denied ice cream.
âI donât get why there are letters in math,â you complain, twirling the pink pen between your fingers. âNumbers were already enough.â
Jake snorts softly from across the library table, dragging the worksheet closer before you can accidentally doodle hearts in the margins again. He leans over to rewrite the equation for the third time, and your eyes drift from the page to the exposed skin of his forearms, before landing on the swell of his biceps that flexed whenever he rested his elbows against the table.
Jake was too nice to look at, and it made studying with him impossible.
âHere,â he says, moving your notebook closer. âYou solve this one.â
You immediately push it back.
Jake exhales sharply through his nose, like he's already exhausted by you. "You're gonna make me beg?" His knee nudges yours apart beneath the table. "Or should I just give up and bend you over this desk instead?"
"I don't know how!"
"You know exactly how," he counters, "You've been teasing me for twenty minutes."
You twirl your pink pen. "Maybe I like it when you get frustrated."
Jake's laugh is low and dangerous. "You're the worst student I've ever had."
"But I'm your favourite. Arenât I?"
He pauses just long enough to make your stomach flip. "Yeah," he admits.
Before you can think too hard about it, Jake reaches over and takes the pencil from your hand.
âWatch,â he says. âYou move this here first, then divide both sides.â
You try to focus. You really do!
But Jakeâs sitting close enough that his shoulder keeps brushing yours every time he writes, and he smells faintly like cologne, and suddenly algebra feels like the least important thing in the room.
âYouâre not listening,â he says without looking up.
âHow do you know?â
The thing was, you werenât listening. You probably hadnât been for the last 3 minutes he spent explaining equations that didnât make sense.Â
It wasnât like you werenât trying to pay attention; you seriously did try your best. Youâd listen attentively as he explained content you had no understanding of, attempting to let the words click in your head.Â
âOkay,â he says slowly, tapping the worksheet with the end of the pencil. His brows pull together in fake seriousness as he turns toward you. âTell me what comes first.â
You stare at the equation for a long moment, glossed lips pursed thoughtfully.
Then you glance at him.
Then back at the worksheet.
ââŠcrying?â you answer quietly.
Jake immediately drops his head into his hand, shoulders shaking with laughter heâs trying to hold in. âJesus Christ,â he mutters into his palm.
âIâm serious,â you insist with a small pout, sitting up straighter in your chair. Your bracelets clink against the table as you gesture dramatically toward the page. âThis looks evil.â
âItâs literally basic algebra.â
âThen why,â you ask, squinting suspiciously at the numbers, âare there so many steps?â
âBecause math would be too easy otherwise.â
You slump in your chair, defeated by the question. Jake could lie and say he wasnât watching the way your chest bulged over your top as you did, but that would be the furthest thing from the truth.Â
"Y'know," he says, spinning the pencil between his fingers with infuriating ease, "most girls at least pretend to care when I tutor them."
âI do care!â you insist, fluttering your fake lashes.
âReally?â Jake raises a brow, unconvinced.
âYeah.â You nod earnestly. âI care about making you proud of me.â
That catches him off guard. His smirk falters for half a secondâjust long enough for you to noticeâbefore he schools his expression back into one of lazy amusement.
âThatâsâŠâ He clears his throat, adjusting in his seat. âNot what I meant.â
Jake exhales sharply through his nose, dragging a hand through his hair. "Christ. You're manipulative."
You grin. "And yet you're still here."
"Because if I'm not," he leans in, voice dropping low, "some idiot's gonna have to explain why you failed."
"And because you like me."
Jake stares at you for a beat too long before exhaling slowly. "You make it really fuckin' hard to remember why I agreed to this."
Your eyes widen innocently. "Studying with me?"
âYeah.â
You lean closer, lowering your voice like itâs a secret. "Is it because I distract you?"
Jake doesn't answer right away. His gaze flicks to your lips, then back up, before he huffs out a quiet laugh.
"You distract everyone," he mutters, shaking his head like he can't believe he's admitting it.
You beam as if you've just won something.
Jake watches you for another second before shoving the worksheet back in front of you with a sigh. "Alright, pretty girl. Focus." He taps the paper. "Solve it."
You chew on the end of your pen thoughtfully. "...Can I have a hint?"
Jake groans. "Jesus. I've given you, like, six."
"One more?" you wheedle, nudging his arm with your elbow.
He exhales sharply, but there's no real bite to it when he finally relents. "Move the x-values first."
You scribble something down with intense concentration, tongue poking slightly against the inside of your cheek. Jake watches quietly this time, chin resting against his fist.
A whole minute passes before you slide the notebook toward him with a triumphant grin.
âI got an answer,â you announce proudly.
He leans over. âOkay, letâs seeââ
Then Jake stops.
"...How the fuck," he says slowly, tracing the pink "42" smudged across the page, "did you get forty-two?"
Your proud smile falters. âThatâs bad, isnât it?â
Jake looks from the paperâwhere the numbers only go up to twelveâback to your pouting face. His mouth twitches.
âBaby,â he says carefully, trying not to laugh again, âthe equation only goes up to twelve. Did you just... guess?â
You puff out your glossed lips in an exaggerated pout, twirling a curled strand of hair around your manicured finger. "But numbers are, like, soooo confusing!" you whine, deliberately pushing your chest forward until your bedazzled, low-cut crop top looks like it could split at the seams at any second.
Jake's gaze drops to your cleavage for a second too long before he exhales sharply.
"Christ." He snatches the pen from your hand, scrawling the actual answer onto the page. "This is what happens when you flirt instead of focusing."
You bat your lashes. "But flirting's way more fun!"
Jake sets the pencil down, rubbing his mouth with one hand to hide his smile. "Alright. Let's try this differently."
"Oooh, are we playing a game?"
His fingers trail up your bare arm, making you shiver. "Something like that." He taps the pencil against your bottom lip. "First rule? No skipping steps."
You pout prettily. "But rules are boring!"
"Trust me," he murmurs, leaning in until his breath ghosts over your ear. "You'll love the rewards."
"First," he announces, tapping the paper. "Write the equation perfectly. Every symbol in the right place."
When you bite your lip and copy the equation (after three tries), his large hand slides up your thigh beneath your skirt. "Good girl," he purrs, thumb brushing dangerously close to where you're already damp.
"Reward one," he continues, guiding your hand as you subtract from both sides. When you get it right, his fingers tilt your chin up. You squeal when his lips crash against yours, his tongue teasing your lower lip before pulling away.
You're already breathless when he murmurs, "Reward two" He watches intently as you divide, his fingers tracing idle circles on your inner thigh. "Beautiful." His hand slides yours to his lap, where the hard length of him strains against his sweats.
"Reward three," he groans as you free him, his hips jerking when your fingers wrap around his cock. He guides your strokes, slow and firm.
"Now solve," he rasps, teeth grazing your neck. Your fingers tighten instinctively when you gasp out the answer.
"F-five," you whimper, and his grip tightens around your wrist.
Jake groans, his hips jerking into your grip. "Perfect." His free hand slides up your thigh, pushing your skirt higher until his fingers brush the damp fabric of your panties. "Reward four." He presses his palm against you, letting you grind shamelessly against him while you keep stroking his cock.
Your breath comes in uneven gasps, the dual sensation making it impossible to think. "J-Jakeâ"
"One more step," he murmurs, lips grazing your ear. "Prove it." He nudges your panties aside, dragging two fingers through your slick folds. "Show me how you got five."
You whimper, thighs trembling as his fingers circle your clit. "IâI subtracted first, thenâoh godâdividedâ"
"Good girl." His fingers plunge inside you without warning, curling just right. Your back arches, your grip tightening around his cock as pleasure coils tight in your belly.
The textbook slides off the table when he lifts you onto it, spreading your legs wider. "Now," he growls, lining himself up, "let's check your work."
The first thrust punches the air from your lungs. His hands grip your hips, pulling you onto him with each rough snap of his hips. The sound of skin slapping fills the tiny dorm room, your moans muffled against his shoulder.
You come with a sob as Jakeâs free hand claps over your mouth, concealing your desperate whines. Jake exhales sharply as he pulls out, watching you shiver at the sudden emptiness. His fingers trail lazily through the mess between your thighs, smearing it across your flushed skin before bringing them to your lips.
"Lick," he commands, voice rough.
You part your lips obediently, swirling your tongue around his fingers until theyâre clean, tasting the mix of salt and sweetness on his fingers.Â
By the third "lesson", your ponytail is lopsided, lipstick smudged from Jakeâs mouth on yours. His sweats are shoved halfway down his thighs, your sticky-sweet moans filling the room every time his fingers dig into the soft flesh of your hips.
"Still stuck?" he taunts, thrusting deeper as you squeal, hands scrabbling at the desk.
"Nuh-uh!" you lie, toes curling when he pinches your nipple through your lace bra. "Iâoh!âI totally remember now!"
Jakeâs grin is feral as he pulls out, positioning you onto your knees on the floor. "Prove it."
You whimper but obey, sinking your manicured fingers into his thighs before taking him into your mouth with an exaggerated, wet pop. His groan is ragged above you, hands fisting in your hair as you look up through your lashes, drool dripping down your chin.
"Such a good girl," he praises, and you preen, hollowing your cheeks just the way he likes.
The dorm room is a wreck by the time heâs done with youâyour skirt ripped off, hair a tangled mess, and makeup ruined in the best way. Jakeâs lazily tracing equations on your bare stomach with his cum when you stretch like a cat, giggling.
"See?" you chirp, wiggling your hips. "I told you Iâm a fast learner!"
His hand smacks your ass hard enough to make you yelp. "Weâll see tomorrow," he growls, biting your shoulder. "After I quiz you."
Your breathy giggle dissolves into a moan as his fingers slide between your thighs again.
"Uh-oh," you whisper, already arching into his touch. "Better study extra hardâŠ"
i self projected so hard here yes reader is me i am reader .... jk!!!!!!!!!!!! just joking hahahah
synopsis: the four times you failed trying to flirt with your boss, and the one time he actually reciprocated.
pairing: boss!lee heeseung xf!reader
genre: modern au, office au, co-workers to lovers/boss x employee
cw: fluff, crack, smut, piv (unprotected), face-fucking, semi-clothed sex, rough sex, dryhumping, shoe-licking (ew), spanking, degradation, brat tamer!heeseung, power dynamics, petnames (use of good girl), light bondage, y/n is lowkey embarrassing/has zero shame whatsoever and just wants the heedih
word count: like 12k
this was lowkey inspired by miniskirt by aoa hence the name heheđź
MDNI
'print these contracts, organise them in chronological order, and have them ready in my office before you leave.'
that's what heeseung had told you to do, sliding a thick folder across the desk to you. this is what you deserve for disrupting your boss in an attempt to flirt with him, you suppose.
you remember staring at the files, and then at heeseung - asking him if he was serious.
"why wouldn't i be?"
"because thereâs like⊠a hundred pages here," you say slowly, flipping through the folder with disbelief. "and half of these dates arenât even labelled properly."
heeseung doesnât look remotely sympathetic.
"then figure it out."
you clutch the stack of half-printed documents dramatically to your chest. "but i'm just a helpless employee, sir."
"donât call me sir like that."
"like what?" you try to stop the grin from spreading on your face.
heeseung leans back in his chair with a quiet sigh, his watch gleaming under the lights. that looked expensive. "you know exactly what youâre doing."
and maybe you do.
because for the past three months of working under department manager lee heeseung, you'd made it a personal mission to get him to crack.
and to crack him.
"close the door on your way out."
that didn't get you any sympathy points. and now you're leaning against the wall, waiting for the barely-working printer to finish it's job - which would take a millennium judging from how much it already printed in the last twenty minutes.
the printer wheezes like itâs on its last breath before spitting out another single page.
you stare at it.
"you are genuinely useless," you mumble to the machine. another painful whirring sound answers you.
great.
you slide down the wall slightly, arms crossed as you wait for the next page to crawl out. the office is mostly empty now, just the distant hum of keyboards from the few employees still staying back late.
you're contemplating breaking the machine completely at this point. maybe heeseung would consider actually buying a new machine. that would benefit everyone.
the printer suddenly stops again.
"you actually piss me off." you walk over to it, pressing a few buttons before the screen flashes low toner in mocking little letters. you close your eyes, sighing.
"have you really reached a new low that you're talking to printers now?" jay walks by, pausing his steps as he sips on whatever iced beverage he was drinking.
you turn your head slowly toward jay with the blank expression of someone seconds away from a mental breakdown. "please don't start with me."
jay glances at the printer screen before letting out an understanding hum. "ah. toner issue."
"itâs been printing for thirty minutes and i have maybe," you look down at the pathetic stack of papers in the tray, "twenty pages."
"why do you need to print all that, anyway?" jay says gesturing with his free hand. you let out a long sigh, shuffling the papers into a neater pile against your chest.
"heeseung dumped it onto me. apparently the board meeting tomorrow needs physical copies of every contract involved in the merger." you pause, blinking up at jay. "why, you wanna help?"
jay lets out a short laugh, taking another sip from his straw. "very funny joke." he smiles at you, before shaking his head. "absolutely not."
your face falls immediately at the false hope. "oh, you're so fake. i'm never staying overtime for you again."
"that's crazy, because i distinctly remember you ignoring my emails for three business days last month." jay says, tone flat as he acts unbothered.
you roll your eyes, adjusting the heavy stack of papers in your arms. "whatever. i hope heeseung dumps ten times more work on you tomorrow."
"he won't, i'm his favourite." jay boasts, grinning lazily, making you scoff in annoyance.
you exhale through your nose, "i don't think his favourite would be working overtime."
jay just walks past, patting your shoulder. "you should just ask heeseung to fix the printer, it'd help everyone out." he's already around the corner before you can even utter a word out. what an idiot.
the printer makes a weird nose, and you whip your head around to look. yeah, it was definitely cooked. the screen flashes something ominous, low toner, paper jam, and a blinking error icon. sighing softly, you turn it off through the switch at the wall to just stop the loud, unnecessary noises it was creating.
you crouch down, gathering the scattered pages from the tray. around thirty printed overall, twenty properly done, the rest fading out halfway through like the printer gave up mid-sentence.
you stack them neatly, tapping the edges against your palm to straighten them. your eyebrows furrow as you skim the half-finished text. yeah, heeseung was going to cook your shit.
you exhale through your nose, straightening the stack one more time like thatâll magically fix the situation. whatever. itâs not like you personally sabotaged the machine. the thing had been dying for weeks anyway, it was way out of your control.
youâd just tell him that. the printer was already on life support. management issue. structural failure. not your fault.
yeah.
solid plan.
you slip the printed pages into a neat folder, tucking the thicker stack of contracts under your arm as you make your way back to heeseung's office. he definitely wasn't going to expect you back so soon.
you reach the door, and it's pretty much silent inside. well, besides for the loud ass typing sounding from heeseung's keyboard, you presume.
you hesitate for half a second, then knock. the typing doesnât stop, of course it doesnât.
you push the door open anyway.
heeseung is right where you left him, seated at his desk, sleeves slightly rolled up now, eyes fixed on his monitor.
you clear your throat.
"sir, the printer's out of ink again." you say, gently placing a stack of papers on heeseung's desk - half printed.
heeseung barely looks up from his laptop. "mm," his fingers continue gliding across the keyboard smoothly.
those fingers were the same ones you fantasized touching you all over.
"did you try replacing the cartridge?" he says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
you stare at him flatly, "no, i just thought i'd announce it for fun."
that finally earns you a glance. bingo.
it's a slow one too, heeseung's eyes lift from his monitor screen to your face, his features showing how he currently feels - which is clearly unimpressed. "you're acting very sarcastic for someone who's asking for my help."
despite the attitude, you're reminded once again why you don't mind that your boss to overwork you. even if he isn't smiling at you, the warm feeling in your gut that usually appears when you talk to him is definitely present.
you recover quickly, though, because you have practice.
"i'm not asking for help," you say, lifting the small stack slightly. "i already did it. technically."
heeseung's gaze drops to the papers again, then back to you. he pats the empty space on the table. "put them down." his tone is calm, matter-of-fact, like he already expects you to listen. which, annoyingly, you do. he was your boss, after all.
you walk over and place the papers where he indicated, careful not to let the half-printed pages slide out of order. heeseung immediately pulls the stack closer, flipping through them with quick, practiced movements.
you shift your weight slightly as he scans the faded text on one of the pages, flipping through the papers.
"..this one's unreadable." he says flatly, not even looking at you.
you chew your lip nervously, "in my defence, we all told you the printer was barely working."
you hate how much you get off from this.
seriously. nothing turns you on more than your annoyed boss, always looking unimpressed no matter what actually comes out of your mouth.
most people would probably be intimidated by him, but you enjoy poking fun at him. probably because every now and then, you manage to crack through that perfect composure for half a second.
itâs addictive, honestly. even if he never actually flirts back.
he mostly just stares at you like youâre a problem he hasnât figured out how to solve yet.
any normal person wouldâve probably gotten embarrassed by now, maybe they wouldâve stopped after the first few failed attempts at flirting with their boss, but it's not like heeseung even acknowledges your attempts, anyway. there's almost nothing to be embarrassed about.
heeseung just shakes his head softly, setting the papers back down onto the desk before reaching up to loosen and readjust his tie slightly. "it's late," he says calmly, "go home."
that snaps you back to reality, and you have to hide the disappointment that you feel from his words. why must he always look at you like you're the least attractive person in the room?
this was lee heeseung, your boss. you donât even know what you expected. for him to flirt back? after months of him pretending not to notice every teasing comment you throw his way?
you clear your throat quietly, composing yourself once again. "..what about the contracts?"
"âŠwhat about the contracts?"
"iâll handle them." heeseung nods, looking down at his watch.
"alone?"
he glances back at the papers, "you already stayed late."
you stare at him for a second. no way the boss that constantly forced you to work over time was showing concern.
you try to recover with humour instead. "wow. are you worried about me, sir?"
thereâs a pause before heeseungâs gaze lifts to yours again, completely unreadable. he looks upset - yes! this is exactly what you were hoping for. that heeseung would be angry enough to just bend you across his lap and-
"go home," he repeats.
ouch. okay.
"right. goodnight, sir." you say, nodding your head.
you bow politely out of habit, keeping your expression carefully neutral even as embarrassment starts creeping up your neck. he doesn't say anything back even as you walk out of his office.
the second time is all thanks to jake, to be honest.
"so, how was overtime last night?" jake asks, sitting across from you as the two of you eat lunch in the office lunch room. there was practically nobody else there. the two of you decided on a later lunch because you wanted to finish a project before the day got away from you.
you raise an eyebrow, pausing mid-bite. "why are you, asking me that?" you don't hide the way you emphasise the 'you', because everybody knew that jake was actually heeseung's favourite employee, and unfortunately for you, his close friend too.
jake blinks innocently, "what's that meant to mean?"
you lean back slightly in your chair, squinting at him. "you know exactly what that means." you clear your throat, trying not to make it obvious that you clearly care a lot about this. "..did heeseung say something?"
his expression shifts, mirroring you as he leans back in his chair slowly, stretching his legs out under the table. "why would heeseung say something?"
"oh, don't play dumb with me now, jake." you scoff, flicking your food with your fork.
you stare at him, and he stares back. you immediately hate how calm he looks.
"âŠbecause youâre asking me about overtime," you say flatly, deciding to say it outright because he's clearly beating around the bush.
"i ask people about overtime all the time."
"no you don't, jake."
"yes i do."
he sighs dramatically, like you were being the difficult one. "fine. i asked because jay mentioned you were still here after nine."
of course he did. you pinch the bridge of your nose. "this office is just one big surveillance system, apparently.'" you poke around at your food again, "it's always something with you two. oh, and i can't forget sunghoon as well." you say, internally rolling your eyes at the thought of them.
"that's not true." jake defends himself, taking offense to being labelled as someone who gossips, even though it was true.
you raise an eyebrow, unconvinced. "are you trying to convince me, or yourself, jake?"
he pauses, leaning back in his chair like heâs deeply wounded by the accusation. âwow. you're being very intense today."
"what did heeseung say, jake?" you crumble, holding your face in your hands. thank god the room was empty aside for you two, because you looked like you were about to go insane.
thereâs a long pause, and it's way too long for your liking especially.
when you peek through your fingers, jake is watching you with a look that's way too entertained about your misery.
"okay," you scoff. "fuck you then."
"..why are you acting like he confessed something dramatic?" he asks slowly, taking another bite of his food.
"because you're being especially ominous about it all." you deadpan. "be honest, did he shit talk me? is he gonna fire me-"
"what?" jake nearly chokes on his drink.
you immediately sit up straighter. "oh my god. he is, isnât he."
heâs pausing. why is he pausing? people only pause when theyâre calculating how bad the truth is. you knew you should've just taken the lift to the other department's floor and used their printer, but no - you were lazy and despite being in the presence of your insanely hot boss, you still wanted to go home earlier last night.
"no, no, what? he isn't firing you." jake reassures.
you narrow your eyes. "that pause was too long."
"i was chewing."
liar. people donât chew like that when theyâre innocent. that was a guilty chew.
"liar."
jake laughs under his breath, shaking his head like youâre exhausting but entertaining.
"answer the question." you say sternly, reminding him of the subject at hand.
if he says yes, you're quitting - no questions asked. you're not letting heeseung win. you will resign before you can feel formally embarrassed by your boss and a dumbass printer. fuck the printer, by the way.
he leans back, finally giving you something resembling seriousness. âhe didnât shit talk you.â
"..he didn't?"
"no. i'm serious."
you blink, slowly putting your fork down. "okay," you say carefully, "so, what did he say then?"
jake finishes swallowing any food in his mouth before he speaks again, watching you like he's deciding how much damage he wants to do. "he just asked if you were always like that."
"always like what?" you furrow your eyebrows, confused. always like what? in the way you were a shameless flirt? or was he asking because now he thought you were completely incapable of finishing a simple work task. well, it wasn't a simple task, to be fair.
jake shrugs, "his words, not mine."
"jake," you clutch your skirt with your now empty hand. "you're being extremely unhelpful right now."
"how can i help?" jake grins as he takes another bite of food, "i'm telling you everything i know."
"it's not enough," you whine slightly, straightening your posture. you hate how pathetic that sounded the second it left your mouth.
before he can respond, a loud crack of thunder suddenly echoes outside the building. both of you glance instinctively toward the large windows lining the break room. rain patters heavily against the glass a second later.
"okay well, shit." you sigh. the rain is heavy too, not even the drizzle type. it's heavy. your co-workers that had already left were so lucky that they wouldn't have to go home in this weather.
"i didnât bring an umbrella," you mumble immediately, making jake look back at you with absolutely zero sympathy.
"unlucky." he shrugs, leaning back. "i have one though, we can go home together if you'd like."
"..are you going to the station afterward?" you ask, and he nods.
"why don't you just ask him?' jake suggests, bringing the focus back to your conversation. the way he acted made it seem like it was the most normal thing ever.
"ask him what, jake? ask my boss if he's talking about me?" you shake your head. "okay, whatever."
you donât even know why you care this much. logically, this should not matter. your boss asking one vague question about you should not have your entire nervous system reacting like this.
"so, how's your day been?" you ask, shitfing the subject. jake looks at you.
jake looks at you, blankly. "..we've been together the whole day."
oh right. you two have been stuck doing that stupid project heeseung assigned you both. honestly, youâre surprised neither of you snapped first because that was treacherous. pages and pages of data entry, revisions, formatting issues, and enough spreadsheets to the point that if you saw another one, you'd actually go insane.
right on cue, the break room doors swing open.
both you and jake glance up automatically, though jake twists around in his chair more obviously than you do, considering his back was facing the door.
your posture straightens on instinct, a smile forming onto your face. you don't even realise that you're doing it till jake turns around, a stupid grin forming on his face at your expression.
you clear your throat quickly, forcing the smile down into something more normal. meanwhile, heeseung either doesnât notice, or pretends not to. both are bad, to be honest.
heeseung walks further into the break room calmly, phone still in one hand as his gaze flicks briefly between you and jake seated together.
"why are you two here so late? your day should be over." he asks casually.
jake glances at the clock on the wall before looking back at him. "we lost track of time doing the project you assigned us."
"sounds like poor time management," heeseung replies immediately, making jake laugh.
you straighten slightly in your chair. "we didnât âlose track of time,â we were literally fixing the spreadsheet you gave us because half the formulas were broken."
heeseung's gaze shifts to you, then he glances briefly to the windows, taking in the rain. then back at the two of you. he doesn't even acknowledge that you defended yourself.
"jake," he says, voice returning to business immediately, "i still need the revised figures before tomorrow morning."
"yeah," jake nods, giving heeseung a thumbs up. "i was gonna stay back another hour and finish it."
your head turns toward him immediately, "..you were?"
"yeah," he says simply. "itâll take another hour max."
heeseung hums once in acknowledgment before his eyes shift back to you, 'which means," he starts, "you can go home."
your brain pauses for a second. just you? heeseung wanted you out so bad, you sort of felt honoured. "i can stay too," you blurt out, offering before thinking.
both men look at you. jake looks confused and heeseung looks unreadable. you internally slam your head into the table.
why did you say that so fast. oh my god.
"thereâs no reason for both of you to stay," heeseung says calmly. "you already finished your part."
"she's going home with me," jake speaks up, also standing up to rinse his container in the sink. heeseung raises an eyebrow, and jake notices.
"what?" jake asks innocently, turning the tap off. "itâs raining. she doesn't have an umbrella."
heeseung pauses before he looks directly at you, "you didnât bring one?"
you suddenly feel strangely defensive. "the forecast said it was only gonna be cloudy." jake snorts next to you, and you
heeseung stays quiet for a second longer. his expression is unreadable, before he exhales softly through his nose, like heâs already regretting whatever thought just crossed his mind. "..you donât need to wait for jake."
you raise an eyebrow, turning your head to look at heeseung front-on, who looks mildly inconvenienced by his own words already. "iâm driving anyway," he says flatly. "i can take you home."
a spike hits your heart, and you feel oddly flattered. because realistically, who wouldnât react a little when their super attractive boss offers to drive them home? especially when said boss happens to be wearing your favourite tie from his rotation today. which you are aware he didn't do on purpose.
your eyes landed on it this morning, maybe lingered a little. the deep colour looked unfairly good against his dress shirt, sleeves still rolled neatly at his forearms from working late. you could only imagine those same arms around your neck later-
wait, you still needed to reply to heeseung. you clear your throat quickly. "you donât have to-"
"i know," heeseung cuts in smoothly, which hits at your spirits for a moment, but then your mood lifts again anyway, a stupid smile threatening to tug at your lips before you can stop it. because now it sounds less like obligation and more like choice, or, you could just keep telling yourself that.
jake nods, a little too excitedly. "okay, that's fine with me." he presses his lips together, visibly trying not to blurt out something obnoxious.
heeseung glances over to you, "go get your stuff. we're leaving." he says, using his chin to gesture toward the door.
'we're leaving'? not, 'meet me downstairs' or 'i'll wait downstairs., but he's saying we're leaving together.
"okay.." you answer, way quieter than intended.
jake offers you a knowing smile, "drive safe," he says, looking directly at you instead of heeseung.
you're going to strangle him. heeseung either ignores the weird tone completely or chooses not to acknowledge it. you stand quickly before jake can make this worse, grabbing your phone from the table and adjusting your bag over your shoulder.
"finish your work," you mutter at him while passing by.
jake grins shamelessly. "have fun."
you barely make it two steps out of the break room before you become hyper aware of the fact that heeseung is following behind you. probably to his office, it was right next to your cubicle after all.
act normal, why are you suddenly forgetting how to walk. you facepalm internally, you've literally been alone with him before. this is fine.
the hallway feels longer than it needs to. you finally reach the row of cubicles, the familiar maze of monitors and dividers coming into view. you can that your desk is just ahead.
you step inside, grabbing your bag, which is next to your computer. you can feel heeseung's presence behind you, standing outside the cubicle. you grab your things quickly, shoving them into your bag with slightly more force than necessary. guess he already got all of this things and was ready to leave.
you finally straighten, turning around. "okay! i'm ready." heeseung doesn't even blink at your enthusiasm, turning around and walking toward the elevator.
"let's go." he says simply.
you catch up slightly, trailing after him. the elevator is ahead, reflecting both of you in the metal, slightly distorted. he presses the button, and the doors open immediately. the two of you walk in.
you step in first, instinctively moving to one side, and he follows right after you. it's silent and uncomfortable.
you clear your throat slightly. "..long day?" you say, immediately regretting how weak that sounds.
heeseungâs reflection in the doors shifts slightly as he glances at you.
"it was." he agrees simply, not saying anything else. awkward. a small smile tugs at your lips when you see heeseung in the reflection.
the elevator hits the floor to the carpark, the doors slide open to reveal the dimly lit carpark.
"youâre always this quiet after work?" you ask lightly, stepping out of the elevator doors as you walk toward his car.
he glances at you briefly. "youâre always this talkative?"
you grin immediately. "only around people i like." the response slips out smoother than expected, and yet he doesn't say anything back, holy airball. you can hear both your footsteps echoing softly through the near-empty carpark.
heeseungâs lips slightly curl up in a smile, but it disappears basically the second it appears. he rounds what you assume to be his car, and honestly you couldnât name the brand, but you admit it looked expensive.
you stop beside the passenger side for a second, eyeing it openly. "wow."
heeseung glances at you while unlocking the doors with a soft beep.
"what?"
"your car looks rich." you say, in awe. you reach for the passenger seats door handle, sliding in. the seats are soft, and the car is noticeably clean. the only thing you can smell is a light tinge of his cologne.
heeseung just reaches forward to adjust something near the dashboard, entirely calm. "seatbelt."
you obey, arm reaching over your upper body to grab your seatbelt. the movement pulls your blouse slightly at the shoulder as you tug it across yourself, the quiet click sounding through the car once it locks into place.
you glance over, and heeseung is watching - as if he was making sure you were actually putting it on.
you narrow your eyes at him immediately. "were you expecting me not to?"
heeseung rests one hand against the steering wheel, expression calm. "no."
you scoff, "liar."
he hums softly, finally pulling the car out of the parking space smoothly. "you asked."
"and yet you answered dishonestly." you poke the inside of your mouth with your tongue, glancing out the window.
"i answered you professionally."
narrowing your eyes, "that isnât even the same thing."
he stifles a laugh, but you notice before he can conceal it, making your stomach flip on instinct.
you slump further in the seat, only now realising the proximity of the two of you. the car feels way smaller than what it did just minutes ago.
glancing back over to him, you see how one hand rests loosely against the steering wheel while the other adjusts the wheel slightly as he turns out onto the wet street. that was like, the hottest thing youâd seen all week.
it feels intimate despite the fact that heâs just driving you home.
wait.
you forgot to give him your address yet heâs still going the right way.
blinking, your posture straightens almost immediately, shuffling back upright in your seat. "..wait."
heeseung keeps his eyes on the road. "what?"
you look directly at him, "how do you know where i live?"
thereâs a small pause, before heeseung clears his throat. "your employee file."
you narrow your eyes instantly. "that sounds creepy when you say it like that."
"itâs literally HR information."
"okay, but why do you know it?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.
"iâm your boss."
"that does not answer my question at all."
a faint sigh leaves him through his nose, like youâre being difficult on purpose.
which, okay, maybe you are.
"youâve worked under me for almost a year," he says calmly. "i know where most of my employees live."
you stare at him suspiciously.
"..do you have everyoneâs addresses memorised?"
"no."
"just mine?"
that finally earns you momentary glance, but he looks back to the road a second after. "youâre asking a lot of questions."
"well, only because you arenât answering the one i actually want answered." you say, shifting slightly in your seat.
rain continues tapping steadily against the windows, soft wipers cutting through the sound every few seconds. heeseung sighs once again, "fine, which one is that?"
you stare at him for a second, trying to hide your suspicion. "you know which one."
"humour me."
heâs doing this on purpose.
you can hear it in his voice now, he sounds so composed. heeseung makes another left turn, the way you remember taking to your house.
"why do you know where i live specifically?" you ask, quieter this time. not that you mind. if it were anyone else, maybe it'd be a little creepy - yeah, but heeseung was welcome over at anytime.
the red light flashes briefly onto his face as he slows down, you take in his pretty features.
"because," he says evenly, "you're usually the last person to leave the office." your stomach does cart wheels at his answer, even if itâs the simplest thing youâve ever heard.
you try to hide the fattest grin that tries to force itself onto your face. "..you notice that?" you canât stop yourself from asking.
"you make it difficult not to." if it were anyone else, youâd take that as flirting, but heeseungâs tone is so flat, that if you actually did take it as flirting then youâd need to be admitted to the nearest psych ward for delusion.
so you donât, even if you want to. you stare out the window instead, watching rain streak across the glass, "are you saying iâm a difficult employee?"
"that isnât what i said."
"but itâs what you meant, right?"
he exhales softly through his nose, barely a sound. you catch it anyway. the car moves smoothly through the wet streets, indicator ticking quietly as he changes lanes.
heeseung continues, "you stay late."
you glance at him again. "so do other people."
"not consistently."
"thatâs because you donât give anyone else the annoying projects." you argue back, before realising. "does that mean youâre keeping track of when i leave?" you sound a little too hopeful, itâs pathetic.
"itâs part of my job to know whatâs happening in my department." he says flatly, shutting that idea down immediately.
you sigh softly, what a boring answer.
heeseung slows down the the familiar streets, and your apartment complex comes into view. heeseung eases the car toward the side of the road rather than pulling straight in.
he stops smoothly, gently turning the wheel as the engine quiets down. you grab your bag, unbuckling your seatbelt. "thank you, i really appreciate it." youâre about to grab onto the door handle, but heeseung halts your movements - grabbing your wrist.
it isnât tight or forceful, just enough to make you pause. you blink at him, "..what?"
he doesnât answer immediately. instead, his gaze flicks briefly toward the rain outside, then back to you. with his other hand, he reaches into the backseat pulling outâŠ
an umbrella.
black. simple. clearly kept in the car for situations exactly like this.
he had one the whole time?
"take it." he pushes it toward you, before leaning over your body and opening the door for you. you unclasp the umbrella, turning back.
"good night." you smile, and heeseung nods.
"good night."
you thank him again before holding it over your head and walking into the entrance of your apartment building.
okay but, he had an umbrella the whole time and yet he insisted on taking you home. well, insisted is a stretch but he offered.
that had to mean something.
you had hoped, at least.
the third time you tried flirting with your boss, it was completely unintentional. in the way you weren't even trying to seek him out this time, at least. you were planning that for later.
yes, you had worn an extra nice outfit that day because you wanted to catch his attention. not that it worked, it never did. you don't even know what made you try again.
it starts like a normal morning. no heeseung ordering you around this time. which in hindsight, should've been a bad sign. no emails, no urgent requests, and no heeseung appearing behind your desk randomly - before giving you a stack of papers.
you clock in, sit down, open your laptop as minutes fly by in what feels like seconds. you're at your desk, half-awake as you scroll through your emails, when a voice pops up at your cubicle.
"hey." sunoo is leaning slightly against the divider, smiling at you in that friendly way he usually does.
you sit up, leaning back against your chair, "what's up?"
sunoo and you don't even try being formal with each other now, it's been a while since the two of you met. "before you ask," he starts, already dropping a stack of papers onto your desk, "yes, this is your problem now."
you glance at the pile, "seriously?"
sunoo laughs softly, resting his forearms on the divider. "it's just some missing formatting stuff from yesterdayâs file. i fixed half of it but I got dragged into a meeting."
"wowow," you sigh, skimming over the papers. "you owe me."
"i owe you?" sunoo repeats, tilting his head softly.
"yes," you nod, looking up at him. "this is so much work, sunoo. i'm busy."
"busy doing what? you were scrolling emails and pretending to work," he corrects, making you glare up at him. "god forbid i actually give you to work to do."
"yeah, but it's your responsibility - not mine." you argue back.
sunoo shifts slightly, leaning more comfortably against the divider like he has nowhere else to be. like your desk is just part of his routine. "fine," he says. "we're still on for lunch, right? you're not ditching me for jake again?"
"that wasn't intentional. i had to finish my project, you know that." you don't hesitate defending yourself.
"yeah, yeah." sunoo smiles, his tone condescending like he doesn't actually believe in what you say.
you open your mouth to retaliate, because you refuse to allow yourself to be slandered this early in the morning, but sunoo interrupts. "why're you dressed so fancy today, hm? your blouse looks expensive."
you pause, glancing down at yourself. "in a good way, right?"
"yes, of course." sunoo states obviously, "how can you look expensive in a bad way?"
you ignore his question, "..really?"
sunoo nods immediately. "yes really. you look like youâre about to leave us for a better company."
you hum, pretending to think about it, smoothing your sleeve once like youâre just noticing it exists. "hmm."
"what is it this time?" sunoo sighs, making you scoff.
"bold of you to assume there's an issue, sunoo."
he narrows his eyes at you. "there is an issue. youâre doing that thing where you pretend youâre not doing something."
"what does that even mean?"
"you're overdressed." sunoo spits it out, taking in your outfit.
you tap the edge of the stack of papers on your desk, suddenly very interested in the alignment of the corners. "this is my normal everyday outfit, but okay."
sunooâs gaze drags over you again, shaking his head. "that's not normal, you can't fool me."
you blink. "excuse you?"
"that blouse is not ânormal.â thatâs âi have plans after workâ clothing."
"..i might have plans," you admit casually, lying out of your teeth. you had zero plans after work today. the most you were planning on doing was hopping on the game after dinner.
oh, but you wished you had plans. you wished your plans revolved around overtime, where you'd crawl underneath heeseung's desk and give them the most toe-curling blowjob any man has ever received.
sunooâs eyes widen a fraction. "you do?"
you shrug. "hypothetically."
he leans in a little, lowering his voice. "with who?"
this little nosy rat. at least sunoo kept his mouth shut, though. had you told jake and the entire workplace would've heard about it by now.
you open your mouth, but then stop. familiar footsteps sound, and they're getting closer toward you.
heeseung walks into the view beside your cubicle, holding a folder in his hand. he looks at sunoo, who's still leaning casually against your divider, then at you, in which you offer a sheepish smile.
"good morning, heeseung." sunoo chirps, pulling his gaze away from you to greet heeseung. heeseung's eyes briefly flick from sunoo to you, then back to sunoo in almost under a second.
"good morning." he replies finally, but his tone is entirely flat.
sunoo, who is still undeterred, smiles wider. "busy day today?"
"yes," heeseung glances at the folder in his hand. "aren't you scheduled for a meeting that.." he pauses, looking at his watch before his eyes lift back up to sunoo, "started three minutes ago?"
sunoo blinks, offering heeseung a sheepish smile. then he straightens abruptly, like he just remembered that urgency is a concept. "oh, right. that's me."
you watch, barely holding in a reaction, as he takes one step, then another. "see you at lunch!" he calls back way too brightly, before turning his body entirely as he speeds down the hallway.
the silence is loud again, or it feels like it - despite your co-workers being occupied with chatting as well as the soft clatter of keyboards.
you blink once at the empty space sunoo was occupying a second ago, seeing heeseung just standing beside your cubicle with the folder in hand, expression unreadable as ever.
why must he look at you like you're some outdated fashion trend?
"was that necessary?" you ask lightly, nodding vaguely in the direction sunoo disappeared.
he doesnât even look that way. "yes," he replies, "he was distracting you, and he was late to his own meeting." you shrug in response.
heeseung calls out your name, making you look up at him with a soft hum. "yeah?"
his eyes flick briefly to you, handing you another fuckass folder. it's heavy too, filled with enough paper to ruin your morning. you begrudgingly hold back the urge to roll your eyes. you swore on everyone's life that heeseung assigned you the most heinous roles known to man.
yes, your boss was hot, but was he hot enough for you to suffer at work everyday? yeah, probably, actually. you don't even know why you bothered questioning that.
you glance at him, still holding the folder between your fingers. "are you trying to torture me to death? because it's working."
"it's work," he says simply, "don't get distracted."
you squint at him, "it's killing me, heeseung."
that earns you a soft smile that lasts for literally 0.2 seconds. heeseung taps the folder once with two fingers, "organise it like the last one you did." he adds.
you sigh dramatically. "you know, most bosses say âgood morningâ first."
âgood morning.â heeseung mumbles, making you tilt your head.
"that was still late."
"those files you're going to organise are about to be late too if you keep talking."
you clutch the folder tighter. "they won't-
but heâs already turning slightly away like the conversation is over.
"bring it to my office when you're done." heeseung says like it's an afterthought, back turned to you.
you freeze slightly. "again?"
he pauses just long enough to glance back at you. "again." and with that, he's gone, walking down the aisle back into his office.
rude, but fine. you had worn your shortest skirt, hoping heeseung would at least spare a glance toward you. a glance that didn't involve him assigning even more work with the flick of his wrist.
now you had to spend another three hours filling out stupid spreadsheets, or whatever was actually in this folder. you sigh, flipping open the page.
the fourth time you flirted with your boss, itâs because he called you into his office just to wordlessly fix his tie before a meeting.
you patter your knuckles against the door of heeseung's office gently. "sir?" using your free hand, you adjust and smooth the lines out of your skirt.
when there isn't a response, you open the door gently. that's usually what that meant, anyway. it was a usual for the two of you.
you step inside, taking in his office once again. his office is neat in that way that feels slightly scary. everything's been placed with intention, nothing out of place. heâs standing by his desk, jacket on, tie slightly uneven.
it isn't that noticeable, you just tend to stare at him a lot. heeseung doesnât look at you right away.
you clear your throat softly, catching your attention. "you called for me?"
he turns to you, features conveying a look of frustration. "fix this." he says only two words with zero explanation, but you understand almost immediately.
you blink, "..your tie?"
heeseung looks at you like you've asked him something obvious. "yes."
you hesitate, but realise he's the one who asked. you step forward, because apparently this is your job now.
you reach up carefully, fingers catching the knot of his tie. itâs already half done, like he rushed it or did it without caring.
you start by undoing it, re-aligning it entirely. heeseung's gaze drops, not to your face, but to your hands - watching your every move. you feel an immediate shift in the air.
"this feels like something you could do yourself." you murmur, trying hard not to mess his tie up as you keep the mood light.
"..i don't actually know how to tie a tie." heeseung admits, making your hands stop.
you glance up at him, "what?"
heeseung doesnât even look embarrassed. if anything, he looks mildly inconvenienced at having admitted it out loud. "i never learned," he says simply.
"you're actually lying."
"iâm not."
"heeseung, you wear a tie almost every day." you say, genuinely flabbergasted.
"someone usually does it for me."
you squint your eyes, confused on 'who' this could possibly be. was he actually wifed up and this whole time you had been flirting with a married man? that made sense as to why he would never reciprocate. or maybe he just wasn't into you.
no but, if he was married you'd definitely know. there was no way jay or jake wouldn't have brought it up by now.
"..someone?" you mumble quietly, trying to keep this casual.
"stylists. assistants." he pauses. "sometimes jake."
oh thank god. he was the most single somebody could be, for sure. you smooth your expression immediately, pretending the question meant absolutely nothing, just professional curiosity.
you nearly laugh directly in his face, but you hold back for your own sake. you weren't trying to be assigned the workload of the entire team. "oh my god."
heeseung watches you carefully now, expression still composed, but thereâs the faintest hint of annoyance underneath it. "what?"
"nothing," you say immediately, absolutely lying. "itâs just very hard to process that you donât know how to tie a tie."
"you seem to be deeply affected by this."
"i am." you tighten the knot properly, smoothing the fabric down again. "this changes my entire perception of you."
"you're being dramatic," heeseung says making you scoff, but the sound comes out weaker than actually intended because you suddenly become aware of how close you are to him, catching the faint scent of cologne every time he exhales.
your fingers are still curled loosely around the fabric of his tie, brushing against the collar of his shirt as you straighten it carefully. your heel shifts slightly against the floor as you try not to think about the fact that if you tilted your head up even a little more, you'd be directly in his space.
which, technically, you already are, but like, you'd actually be able to kiss him. your eyes linger on his lips for way too long, and he definitely notices. heeseung's gaze shifts downwards, catching yours in the process. you smile, and he looks away, jaw tightening once as his eyes move toward the window beside his desk instead.
heeseung has never been the one to shy away like that. usually he'd just ignore all of your advances. your fingers tighten around the tie accidentally before you let go completely, stepping back casually.
you got a reaction from him this time.
"..done?" he asks, and you nod.
"mhm." you hum. heeseung finally looks back at you, one hand lifting to adjust the knot slightly where your fingers had just touched.
your gaze lifts again, and heeseung sighs quietly through his nose, like youâre the most exhausting part of his workday. "i have a meeting in five minutes."
"and?" you lean against his table lightly, smiling at him innocently.
"and you should go back to work."
"wow," you murmur dramatically. "using me for my tie-abilities and then discarding me?"
"youâre still on company time." he mumbles, but you don't miss the flush on his cheeks.
bingo! your boss really was into you. it isn't obvious, not in the way you were hoping for, not some dramatic giveaway, but it's definitely there if you're paying attention.
and you are absolutely paying attention.
you tilt your head slightly, practically screaming 'fuck me' eyes, watching him with a type of satisfaction you don't bother hiding. "you know," you say softly, "youâre really bad at hiding things."
heeseung's eyes flick up immediately, and you can practically see him having heart palpitations. who knew your stone-cold boss would fold over something as easy as that?
"go back to your desk," he dismisses you again, steadier this time. when he sees you inching closer, he does a complete one-eighty as he speed walks out of his own office.
your jaw drops. what the fuck?? heeseung, get back here!
you don't bother chasing though. now that you knew how heeseung truly felt, you had him wrapped around your finger.
he had it coming.
the next day you walk into the office, it's a friday.
which is usually a good day. lighter workloads, less tension, and maybe even the rare sight of your colleagues having fun before going home for the weekend.
and you of all people were going to have a good day. heeseung wasn't slipping from your hands again. not when you were going to actively pursue him in the actual shortest skirt you owned. not after the tie incident.
you're halfway through the lobby, eyes half focused on your phone as you scroll through unread notifications, when-
bang!
you nearly let out a blood curdling scream.
your entire body jolts violently as you whip around toward the source of the noise.
jungwon is standing near the reception desk, holding a stack of papers, looking mildly alarmed. the metal sign knocked straight onto the floor was the source of the noise.
when he notices you looking, he offers a smile and a wave. "good morning!"
you stare at him in complete disbelief, one hand pressed against your chest. "jungwon," you speak slowly, "you scared me, holy shit."
his eyebrows lift, "from a sign falling?"
"it's metal! it sounded like a gunshot." you walk over, bending down to pick it up.
jungwon crouches slightly too, reaching for the other side. "you're being dramatic."
before you can argue further, footsteps pass behind the two of you.
"cute skirt."
you whip your head around, glancing up instinctively. sunghoon is walking past with an iced coffee in one hand, slowing just enough to glance at you over his shoulder.
your brain malfunctions for a second, "..ah. thanks." you offer him a smile. at least someone thought you looked nice.
sunghoon gestures vaguely toward you with the coffee cup, "the colour suits you." then he walks off, heading into the direction of the cubicles.
you straighten slowly, still holding the metal sign. "wow."
jungwon looks between you and sunghoonâs disappearing figure, before landing back on you finally. "what happened to bagging the boss?"
you narrow your eyes at jungwon, patting down said cute skirt, "what are you talking about?"
jungwon smirks smugly. it would be adorable if it weren't in circumstances like this. "you should've known better than to tell jake and jay.
your stomach drops instantly. "..they told you?"
"they told everyone."
your jaw drops. what the hell?? you were going to kill park jongseong and sim jaeyun as soon as you found those two. "what are they even saying? and who have they told?"
jungwon laughs at your expression, putting down the stack of papers on the reception desk. "relax. i was kidding." he reassures, "only like, a few people know."
he lifts his hand, counting on his fingers with each name.
"jake, jay, sunghoon, sunoo-oh! and that junior, ni-ki."
"..even the junior knows?" you want to collapse directly onto the lobby floor.
jungwon tilts his head. "to be fair, he figured it out by himself."
"literally, HOW?" you exclaim, frustrated. were you seriously that obvious around heeseung?
"uh, cause you stare like you're in some office k-drama? duh." he sasses, which you do not appreciate.
you scoff, "i do not."
jungwon shrugs, "okay, secretary kim."
you roll your eyes, âsecretary kim ended up pulling young-joon, though. so is this a sign?â
âyou wish.â
âokay, bet you $50 i can pull heeseung.â you declare, making jungwon raise his eyebrows in shock.
âokay, fine. $50.â you reach out your hand, shaking on it.
then, he straightens his posture and widens his eyes slightly in the worst imitation of you imaginable.
"..heeseung," he mocks your voice, pretending to be you. "wow..your tie looks really nice today.." he places a hand over his chest, "did you get a haircut? you look so handsome and emotionally unavailable this morning."
eyes widening, you clasp a hand over his mouth, effectively shutting him up. "oh my god - i do not talk like that."
"good morning." your entire body goes stiff. you remove your hand from jungwon's face, turning your head.
heeseung is standing there, watching the two of you with a blank face. apparently when jungwon was busy humiliating you, heeseung must've arrived to work. his expression is calm as ever, one hand resting loosely in his pocket while the other still holds his phone. heeseung was so hard to read like this.
you push a smile on your face, "morning, sir." heeseung's gaze travels from jungwon to you.
"..why do you look so stressed already?" he asks, voice flat.
jungwon physically bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing.
you point at him immediately. "heâs harassing me."
heeseung glances over to jungwon with an expression that screams 'i don't believe her whatsoever', so you expect a scolding.
but no.
"jungwon."
jungwon straightens immediately, "yes?"
heeseung's tone stays flat, "youâre not on break."
jungwon blinks in surprise, "i'm literally just talking-"
"youâre supposed to be at reception processing those files," he cuts in, nodding once toward the stack still sitting on the desk. "not standing here causing problems before nine a.m."
hooray! heeseung actually took your side.
jungwon looks betrayed instantly. "i am processing them." his gaze flicks to you, and you stick your tongue out.
jungwon notices immediately, shaking his head like he's re-thinking his life choices. he tightens his grip on the stack of files. "unbelievable." with that, he turns away, walking off.
you're silently cheering in your head when heeseung turns to you next. "you aren't on break either," he nods his chin toward the elevator, "go work."
you pout, "but sir, i have nothing to do."
heeseung looks like he's about to scold you for the use of 'sir', but he doesn't. "you always have something to do," he says simply.
"nope." you shake your head, "jay and i finished the meeting pack preparation." you flash him a smile, way too enthusiastic for someone at work.
you look down for a second, remembering you're wearing the skirt. yoy glance back up, analysing his face. come on, heeseung. at least acknowledge it!
his eyes flick down for half a second, but it's not enough for you to read his expression. "..good." he coughs slightly, clearing his throat. "go help ni-ki, then."
your lips straighten in a frown. "seriously?"
"serious as i can be." you stare at him, and he stares back.
"go. he needs help with formatting." with a huff, you nod.
"fine, fine. see you, sir." you smile, walking past him. behind you, heeseung exhales a sigh of relief through his nose. this was going to be a long day.
when you reach the far end of the office, the atmosphere is completely different from the loud lobby. it's quiet, the kind of quiet that makes every keyboard click sound louder than it should. you can even hear your flats click against the floor with each step.
you scan the desks. ni-ki is lazily seated sideways in an office chair, one leg bouncing softly against the floor, eyes fixed on the monitor.
he doesn't even look at you. "if this is about the formatting issue again, i already fixed it three times." okay, sassy.
you pause beside his desk. "wow," you say. "thanks for the warm welcome."
ni-ki glances up, properly this time. his expression shifts immediately, a slight tinge of confusion before recognition. "oh, you're the help."
"you don't seem very happy to see me." wheeling a nearby chair over, you sit next to him.
he leans back slightly, squinting at you, "trust me. i'm glad it's you and not someone else."
you raise an eyebrow, "oh, spill?"
ni-ki leans down, then tilts his head toward the rest of the office, lowering his voice slightly like itâs classified information or something. "..he sent jake last time, and he 'fixed' it by making it worse."
honestly, that sounded in character. jake was lazy when it came to spreadsheets. "seems like him." you shrug, "so, if you're so good at this, why does heeseung think you need help?"
"he doesnât think i need help," he says.
you hum. "sounds like he does."
"no," ni-ki corrects, dragging a hand through his hair. "he thinks i need supervision."
"that's probably worst, in all honesty." you snort softly. "that sounds like a polite way of saying you ruin files."
ni-ki points at you immediately. "exactly. see? you get it."
"are you always at the back here? i never see you around front anymore."
"it's better around here. the only person who comes back here is sunoo." your eyes widen. so that's where sunoo kept disappearing off to."
you tap your chin in thought as ni-ki continues clicking through the spreadsheet.
"say, ni-ki." you call, making him glance up at you.
"what?"
you lean forward a little in your chair, "jungwon said something about you earlier."
ni-ki raises an eyebrow, but for the most part he looks uncaring. "said what?"
"keep it a secret." you hold out your pinky.
in which he rolls his eyes as he exhales through his nose like he's already tired of you, but he still shifts his chair a little closer. "you're weird," he mutters, but intertwines his pinky with yours, reluctantly.
you brighten immediately. "okay. so jungwon said you know things about me and heeseung."
"it's hard to miss." he says simply, "i just notice patterns."
you lean forward slightly, still keeping your pinkies linked, "okay then. what patterns?"
"well for starters," he says, "youâre the only one that doesnât get in trouble for slacking."
you scoff immediately. "you must be joking."
ni-ki finally glances at you, expression flat. "iâm not."
you lean back in your chair slightly. "i literally got sent down here as punishment."
"yeah, and that's a punishment for you? he made me clean the entire storage room when i submitted something late." ni-ki's words make you pause. sure, you already knew heeseung was attracted to you, but special treatment too? awe.
you let go of ni-ki's pinky. "done?" he asks, finally glancing at you.
you clear your throat quickly, snapping back into focus. "right, yeah."
ni-ki shrugs. "it was dusty."
"thatâs your takeaway?"
"i donât like dust."
"fair."
"when are you meant to leave?"
you blink, "leave?"
"from here," he clarifies. "this task."
you glance at the spreadsheet. then back at him. "when itâs done."
he hums like thatâs obvious.
"take your time."
hours pass, and you've felt like you've been able to bond with your junior very well, actually. he was entertaining, and was great at multi-tasking. ni-ki was able to keep full-fledged conversations with you while he did his work.
even sunoo came over at some point, pulling up a chair as he sits down with the two of you.
working here was way better than in the cubicles with those idiots. you glance around the quieter section of the office. there are much fewer interruptions, less noise, no one hovering over your shoulder every five minutes. cough cough, jake.
you're mid-conversation with sunoo, standing behind him as the two of you watch something on the monitor together. it feels comfortable as the two of you laugh at something.
"no, wait, pause it again," you say, breathless. "i swear thatâs not what he meant to do."
which is exactly why you don't notice the foot steps behind you. ni-ki notices, but you and sunoo don't, still obliviously talking. there's a call of sunoo's name that makes the two of you snap your head back.
sunoo straightens so fast, "oh hi, heeseung."
you slowly let your hands drop from the back of sunooâs chair like you just got caught committing a crime.
"go home. the day's over, anyway." sunoo nods immediately, standing up as he walks back to his cubicle immediately. ni-ki exhales softly like heâs relieved itâs not him.
damn, you were getting a lot of people in trouble today. oops.
you take a small step back too, ready to follow sunoo back to your own cubicle.
heeseung takes one look at you, "you." he says simply.
you flash him a smile, "..me?"
"go to my office." he says, voice flat. is he mad?
you hesitate, but nod. "right⊠okay."
he walks past you, checking whatever's on ni-ki's monitor. probably double checking to see if everything's correct. you can hear heeseung dismiss ni-ki home too, eavesdropping. when you realise their conversation is over you speed-walk toward heeseung's office.
you see sunoo, and he waves you goodbye, mouthing a 'good luck'. you nod, waving to him as well. you can see heeseung's office door now. reaching it, you pause for a second. it's the same as usual - neat.
you step inside, closing the door behind you. youâre unsure of whether you should sit or stand. you opt on sitting, taking a seat on his chair.
you wait a few minutes, clicking your heel against the carpet gently. the office genuinely sounded dead outside. was heeseung just wasting your time?
you sigh, standing up and walking toward the door. your fingers curl around the knob, about to open it but itâs pushed open - nearly knocking you onto the floor.
heeseung stands in the doorway, face expressionless. he stares at you, before stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
âsir,â you call out, pitching your voice up the slightest. âare you upset-â
âdo you always have to open your mouth?â heeseung pinches the bridge of his nose, irritated. you blink in surprise, shutting your mouth.
once he opens his mouth and realises youâve actually obeyed, he doesnât say anything. taking a seat on his chair, he leans back.
âcome here.â you look at him, and he looks dead serious. you nod, walking over. youâre standing in front of him now, a confused expression on your face.
heeseung looks up at you with a sigh. âbend over.â your eyes widen.
âwhat?â
âi said, bend over.â he taps his thigh once, and you get the idea. okay, sure. you move almost a little too eagerly, tripping on heeseungâs foot - but that was clearly planted there on purpose.
your knees hit the floor, definitely bruising as you let out a soft hiss of pain. âwhy-â
heeseungâs fingers grab your jaw, fingers digging into the skin of your cheeks as you kneel. âstop talking.â
you shut up, nodding. he lets go of your face, leaning back. âclean my shoe.â
your eyebrows furrows in confusion. clean his what? his shoe? with what, a handkerchief? you reach in your pocket, trying to find the small pack of tissues you keep but he nudges your arm with his foot. âwith your mouth.â
oh. so he was kinky like that. you look at him, â..are you serious?â
heeseung stares back at you, gaze more intense than youâve ever seen before. âdoes it look like iâm joking?â good point.
you donât answer. instead, you kneel further down, opening your mouth as you lick the base of his shoe. that first swipe of your tongue sent shivers down your spine.
you gag a little in disgust, but then you remembered who the shoe belongs to. the hottest guy youâve probably ever seen in your life.
so, you persevere, licking another stripe of his shoe, nearing the lace now. you glance up, and heeseungâs just staring down at you, face expressionless. â..did i say you were done?â
you shake your head, â..no, sir.â you lean back down, an embarrassed flush on your cheeks as you unfortunately lick his shoe again, tongue cleaning the side this time. in the worst way possible, you could literally feel your pussy clenching around nothing right now and it was because of the most degrading act ever.
after a few more swipes of your tongue, heeseung lets up. âstop.â you obey, sitting back up, hands on your knees as if waiting for his next command.
heeseung looks down at you, and you feel pathetic - a little. his gaze is scrutinising. he taps his thighs again, making your gaze avert to there. âsit.â
you stand up immediately, straddling his hips. you lean in for a kiss, but he swerves it. embarrassing.
heeseung says your name condescendingly, âyou havenât earnt that privilege.â you feel the wetness in your panties pool at that.
â..how can i?â you murmur, glancing at him.
âyou can kiss me if you can make yourself cum just like this.â heeseung says, leaning back in his chair. you scoff, that was easy. just looking into his eyes could probably make you cum.
heeseung raises an eyebrow at your scoff, but you donât elaborate. â..okay.â and so with that, you move your hips, grinding your clothed cunt right against his thigh. despite the fabric separating the two of you, the heat emanating from your core is unimaginable.
heeseung doesnât touch you for the most part. his hand travels down your back, fingers tingling your spine as he looks at you, eyes dark. despite knowing you should feel embarrassed, you canât. this is what youâve been waiting for, after all.
as you keep grinding, you can feel his dick harden through his dress pants - heeseung refuses to acknowledge it though. you continue grinding, hands on his shoulders as you practically hump his thigh, begging for release.
you bury your face into his shoulder, panting into his ear. heeseung pushes your hair back, pressing open-mouthed kisses along the nape of your neck.
itâs when his hand travels further down your back and onto your ass. heeseung spanks your clothed butt once, and you orgasm just from that, letting out a soft moan. fingers tangle themselves in the back of your hair, pulling you away from his shoulder.
âthereâs no way you came just from that.â heeseung mocks, almost holding back a laugh. youâre about to defend yourself, but heeseung speaks again. âbut then again, we both know that this is what you wanted, right? to be bent over my desk like a cheap whore, desperate for me to fuck you?â
your cheeks heat up, hands pressing against his chest. âif i say yes, will you do exactly that?â
heeseung scoffs. âyou seriously have no shame at all. get up.â you scramble to your feet, thighs shaky.
he stands up after you, bending you right over his desk. you whimper when your face hits his table a little roughly but itâs whatever. a hand trails down, going underneath your skirt. heeseung cups your pussy with his hand, shoving your panties to the side.
âyouâre seriously this wet with this sort of treatment?â he sounds surprised, despite his tone still being flat. his hand delivers a sharp spank to your cunt, making you whimper softly.
leaning down, his mouth is next to your ear. âyou seriously think i didnât notice you wearing those tiny skirts all the time?â he roughly pushes your skirt up, slapping the fat of your ass hard. a pained moan leaves your lips.
â..you never said anything about it breaking dress-code, so i think you liked it.â you mumble out, grinning. he hits your rear again, wiping that smugness off your face instantly.
âso that means you dress like a whore for everyone to see?â heeseung mocks, tilting his head. âmight as well show up to the entire office naked. iâm sure theyâd all love to see that.â his palm strikes down again, making you choke. he hits hard, for sure.
âi was dressing like that for you-â you stutter out, choking on a sob. ânot anyone else.â heeseung yanks you back up with full force, holding your arms against your back. your back is pressed against his chest, making you dizzy at the proximity. this way you can feel his dick poking you through his pants.
ânobody asked you to do that though, did they?â he kisses your nape again.
you nod your head in agreement, ân-no, they didnât.â
âgood. are you finally learning your place?â heeseungâs hands travel down, going back underneath your skirt as he hooks his fingers on the waistband of your panties. he drags them down with ease, and you step out of them.
âi can.â
âyou can?â heeseung mumbles behind you, fingers ghosting your slit. his index finger travels your entrance before finally pushing in - going knuckle deep immediately. you choke.
âiâm not giving you an option.â he sits back down on his chair, pulling you back onto his lap with him. he spreads your thighs with ease, before sliding another finger into your cunt.
âi think iâve been way too lenient with you.â he whispers into your ear as he pumps his fingers in and out, his thumb circling your sensitive clit.
you let out a shaky breath, âh-how so?â a soft whimper leaves your lips when he hits the back of your walls. his fingers go a bit deeper, hitting your g-spot, and effectively making your toes curl. your walls are literally clenching onto his long digits, unable to let them go.
âwell, for starters.â he shoves another finger in, making you squirm. âyou act like you own the place, and how does that make me look as a boss?â with one more slide of his middle finger, you cream all over his wrist, your back arching into him.
âstupid slut.â he mumbles, âyouâre seriously not good for anything apart from cumming, hm?â heeseung lets you rest on him as you catch your breath, kissing the side of your temple.
you pant, distracted. how has this man made you cum twice already? ây-yeah, not good for anything else..â
heeseung makes you stand, bending you back over his desk again. he lifts the back flap of your skirt, and you hear fabric rustling. he grabs your hands, pulling them against your back as he wraps something around them.
you turn your head and see him tying his tie around your wrists. you turn your head back, cheek flat against the wood of the table. thereâs a sound of an unzip, and you feel the head of his cock press against your sopping cunt.
heâs sliding it against your slit, not penetrating it. â..what are you waiting for?â you turn around, frustrated. you try buck your hips back, in which heeseung spanks your ass, making you gasp in surprise.
âbeg for it.â heeseung scoffs, making you whine.
âare you serious?â you groan. when thereâs no respond from his end you know the answer. âplease, please, fuck me.â heeseung doesnât budge.
you try buck your hips back, but heeseung grabs both of your hips with his hands, crescents digging into the soft flesh making you whimper.
âsir, please fuck me. iâll be a good girl, just please.â tears well up in your eyes from the frustration of the lack of freedom and movement.
the tip of heeseungâs dick slides smoothly across your slick folds, making you whine deliciously. one hand drops from your hip, and before you know it, youâre impaled onto his dick in one go, his pelvis flat against his ass. your cunt struggles with the intrusion, walls fluttering to accommodate his length. you donât miss the whimper that leaves his lips when he buries himself to the hilt.
you choke, burying your face into the hard desk, which isnât comforting at all. he pulls out halfway, before slamming back in - letting out a soft hiss at the sensation of your velvety walls around his shaft dragging him back in.
his fingers dig into the soft flesh of your ass, kneading roughly as he holds you flush against him. â..youâve been such a needy little thing all week, haven't you?â
a hand wraps around your throat from behind, pulling you closer to him. âjust begging for my attention. youâre pathetic.â his other hand moves to your hip, holding you in place as he starts thrusting again, each snap of his hips bruising the back of your thighs.
âc-cause you always ignore me,â you gasp out.
âignore you? please. iâm giving you exactly what you deserve.â he punctuates his words with a particularly hard thrust, grinding his pelvis against your ass. âtell me youâre going to start acting normally from now on.â
you feel your eyes roll to the back of your head as his dick grinds into your sweet spot, hitting the x marker. âi..â you whimper, âiâll start acting normally..â
âgood girl.â heeseung grabs your jaw, angling you toward him as he kisses you, swallowing your moans and whimpers. pulling back, he looks at you with hooded eyes, his pupils blown wide.
his thumb finds your clit, circling the sensitive nerve. âyouâre gonna cum right?â heeseung leans closer to you, watching the way your cunt spasms around his cock.
you nod, âplease.â you just automatically assume heâs going to take it away from you, âplease, let me cum.â
âyou can cum.â heeseung punctuates his words with shallow thrusts, the thick head of his cock kissing your cervix with each movement. his thumb doubles down, applying pressure. you can barely stand anymore, heeseungâs the only thing keeping you up right as your legs tremble.
with a flick of his fingers, you gush around his cock, eyes rolling to the back of your skull. heeseung clamps a hand over your mouth before you can release any loud sounds, just in case someone was still lingering in the office.
heeseung pulls out before he cums himself, forcing you back onto your knees. before you can process whatâs happening, heâs already pressing the head of his dick onto your lips.
pressing a soft kiss to his tip, you open your mouth obediently, wrapping your mouth around his shaft. heeseungâs hands tangle themselves in your hair, creating a makeshift ponytail as he controls the pace, moving your head back and forth.
he whimpers when he hits the back of your throat, feeling you gag around his length. âs-shit, right there.â you canât breathe, nose firmly pressed against his pelvis but itâs okay. the expression on his face right now makes up for any sort of discomfort you could possibly be in.
heeseung starts jerking his hips slightly, hitting the back of your throat constantly. you gag again, tears welling up in your eyes, as well as drool escaping the corners of your mouth to dribble down your chin.
with one more thrust of his hips, he cums down your throat. itâs bitter, but you can barely taste it by the time itâs down your esophagus anyway. heâs panting softly, tucking his dick back into his pants. once heâs done, he starts combing your hair down gently with his fingers.
kneeling down, he wipes any liquid on your face with a tissue. â..was i too rough?â
youâre panting, and dazed, but you shake your head. ân-no. fuck me like that again.â
heeseung sighs, it kind of sounds like one of relief but you canât tell. âcome on, get dressed. iâll take you home.â
â..i canât stand up.â
on monday when you come in, the first thing you do is look for jungwon.
and you find him almost immediately, standing near the reception desk. he notices you, of course he does, his expression shifting into one of suspicion.
"oh, hey." jungwoon greets, smiling. you stop right in front of him.
"$50," you say.
jungwon tilts his head, "what?"
"you owe me $50."
his eyebrows lift immediately, "no I donât."
"oh, you absolutely do."
jungwon turns to face you, "for what?"
"you said I couldnât pull heeseung."
there's a pause as jungwon just stares at you. "..i said you couldn't-"
"you lost." you cut in immediately.
he exhales, sighing like he's rethinking every single financial decision he's ever made. "i hate this job," he mutters.
you brighten instantly, "..so $50?"
jungwon glares at you, "..i'll transfer it later."
you nod once, satisfied. "good."
this prompt has been sitting in my drafts for ages icl so i finally decided to finish itđđ
i was lowkey going to skip on the smut again this time but i feel like this is a good learning curve LMAO
This is not carelessness. Heeseung has not been careless about anything since he was seventeen years old and found a folder in his fatherâs study that he was not meant to find and sat on the floor of that room for forty minutes reading it and then put it back exactly as he found it and went to dinner and ate and said nothing. Carelessness is for people who can afford the consequences of it. Heeseung cannot afford consequences. He manufactures them for other people.
Being late is a choice.
It is a choice about information â when you arrive after the room has settled you can read the whole of it in thirty seconds. Who is talking to whom. Who has had too much to drink. Who is performing ease and who has it. You walk in and the room adjusts to you and in the adjustment you learn everything about it that you need.
He learned this from his father.
He has learned most things from his father. The useful ones he kept. The rest he filed under what not to become, which is a longer list and which he consults more often.
He wakes at seven. Lies there for a moment looking at the ceiling of the apartment that no one is given the address of. Not the penthouse â that one has the right address for business cards and the occasions when being findable is strategic. This one is different. Three people know it exists. This is not paranoia. This is arithmetic.
He thinks about the evening. The gala first. Then the other thing. He runs both through his head with the same flat attention he applies to all tasks and finds them both equally manageable and gets up.
Coffee. The machine that cost more than it should. He stands at the window with the cup and looks at Seoul doing its morning things and thinks about Kim Jungsoo, which is what he has been thinking about for six months with the patient accumulation of a man who does not move until moving is the correct thing to do.
It is now the correct thing to do.
Kim Jungsoo has been his fatherâs man for eleven years and has been working against Heeseung specifically for six months â the Incheon account, the Busan contact, the conversation with Park Dohyun on the fourteenth of last month in a restaurant in Yongsan that he chose because he thought distance from anything that mattered would protect him.
It didnât.
Heeseung finishes his coffee. Sets the cup down. Sends one text to a number saved under no name. Puts the phone in his pocket.
Gets dressed.
He drives himself. There are categories of errand that donât require witnesses and his driver is loyal but loyalty is a thing with a weight limit Heeseung has never been interested in testing. He parks three blocks from the address in Mapo-gu. Walks the rest with his hands in his pockets and his face doing nothing, just a man on a street, unremarkable, received by the morning without being registered by it.
He has a gun. It is not the first time he has carried one and he does not think about this the way most people would think about it. He thinks about it the way he thinks about a tool. You select the right one for the task. You use it. You are precise.
The building is a walk-up. Five floors, no elevator, the smell of other peopleâs cooking layered in the stairwell. He takes the stairs to the fourth floor and finds the door and knocks twice. Puts his hands back in his pockets.
Movement inside. A pause. Then:
âWho is it.â
âOld friend,â Heeseung says.
Longer pause this time. He counts the seconds. At eleven the lock turns.
Kim Jungsoo opens the door and sees him and his face does the thing faces do when your worst fear has materialised on your threshold â one fraction of a second of pure unmanaged response, all the guilt and the recognition and the specific terror of a man who has been waiting for the accounting and is now receiving it. Heeseung reads all of it in that fraction. Files it. Feels nothing in particular.
He smiles.
It is not a warm smile. It is the smile of a man who has gotten exactly where he intended to get and finds something in that satisfying in a way that is, he is aware, not entirely normal. He has been aware of this for years. He has never found it troubling.
âJungsoo,â he says. âCan I come in.â
Kim Jungsoo sits in the chair by the window because Heeseung has taken the centre of the room and has left him nowhere else. The television is on low â a cooking show, someone folding dumplings with great concentration. The ashtray needs emptying. The room has the specific atmosphere of a man who has been waiting for something bad and has stopped cleaning in the meantime.
Heeseung looks around once. Looks back at him.
âSix months,â he says. âThe Incheon account first. Then the Busan contact. Then Park Dohyun, fourteenth of last month, Yongsan.â A pause, easy, unhurried. âYou thought you were far enough away.â
Kim Jungsooâs mouth opens. âI was going toââ
âDonât,â Heeseung says.
He stops.
Heeseung tilts his head slightly. Looks at Kim Jungsoo the way he looks at most problems â with the complete and patient attention of a man who has already solved it and is now simply executing. There is something in him that enjoys this part. He does not perform remorse about that. Remorse requires believing you should be different than you are and Heeseung has not believed that since he was seventeen.
âYou made a calculation,â Heeseung says. âMy father is ageing. The structure is shifting. You wanted to be on the right side of it.â He takes his hands out of his pockets. âThe miscalculation was thinking there are two sides. Thereâs one side. Mine.â
Kim Jungsoo is very still. âHeeseungââ
âYou know what this is,â Heeseung says.
A long silence. The dumpling show continues behind them, tinny and absurd. Kim Jungsoo closes his eyes. âYes,â he says. Very quietly. The voice of a man who has run out of moves.
âGood,â Heeseung says. âThen we donât need to discuss it further.â
He does it efficiently. He has always been efficient. The sound is louder than he expects in the small room and then the room is very quiet. He stands there for a moment in the quiet and looks at what the situation has become and feels the same thing he always feels which is close to nothing, with one thin thread of something underneath it that might be satisfaction and which he does not examine.
The television is still going.
He turns it off.
Stands in the resulting silence for exactly five seconds.
Then he leaves. Down the stairs, three blocks to the car, drives back to the apartment. He showers because he is precise about these things. The water runs hot. He stands under it and looks at the tiles and thinks about the gala.
He gets dressed.
He looks at himself in the mirror for exactly as long as necessary.
He looks good. He always looks good. He is aware of this the way he is aware of most things about himself â as information, as a tool, as something that serves a function.
He picks up his keys.
He smiles at his own reflection. The same smile. The one that isnât warm.
He arrives at the gala at nine forty-seven.
The room is at full temperature by then â the hour when enough drinks have been consumed that the performances have loosened slightly, the careful calibrations of the first hour relaxing into something more legible. He walks in and does what he always does. Thirty seconds. Full read.
Shim Daejung at the centre, which is where Shim Daejung always is. A cluster of promotions people to the left. The eastern circuit contingent near the bar. Jake Shim somewhere in the middle doing what Jake Shim always does at these things, which is be effortlessly the most entertaining person in his immediate vicinity while appearing not to try.
The new fighter. Jungwon â the name from his file, Yang Jungwon, Mapo-gu, underground circuit, clean record in every sense of the word. He is standing at the edge of a conversation with two men from the promotions board, listening with the stillness that his file had flagged and that is more notable in person. Young. Very good looking in the specific way of someone who doesnât know what to do with it yet. Heeseung files this.
And then he finds her.
He always finds her. This is not a choice. It is something his eyes do before his brain has directed them to, something that has been true since he was nineteen years old and has not become less true in the years since no matter what he has done to make it less true. She is across the room talking to someone he doesnât register because she is there and everything else is background.
Black dress. Dark hair. The particular way she holds herself in rooms like this â the ease that is not ease, the performance of belonging that has become so practiced it is indistinguishable from the real thing except that Heeseung knows the difference. He knows every version of her. That is the problem and has always been the problem.
Park Sunghoon is nearby. Also filed. Also dealt with in the privacy of his own chest in the flat affectless way he deals with things he is not going to act on. Yet.
He takes a champagne glass from a server and moves into the room.
He speaks to the people he needs to speak to. Does it efficiently, leaves each conversation with something he didnât have before, moves through the room with the unhurried deliberateness that people mistake for ease and which is actually control. He shakes Shim Daejungâs hand and they exchange pleasantries with the specific quality of men who have been enemies for long enough that the civility has become its own language. Daejungâs eyes do the thing they always do when they find Heeseung â a flicker, quickly managed, that Heeseung reads as guilt and has been reading as guilt for years. Good. He wants it there. He wants the man to feel it every time.
âLee,â Daejung says. âYour father couldnât make it?â
âPrior commitment,â Heeseung says. Which means his father chose not to come, which both of them know, which neither of them will say.
âA shame.â The smile is perfect. âNext time.â
âOf course,â Heeseung says, and moves on.
He finds Yang Jungwon by the windows.
The fighter is alone for the first time in the evening, having been passed around the room by Daejung for the better part of an hour and apparently having found a moment to stand at the edge of it and simply breathe. Heeseung appreciates this. The room does not.
He stops beside him. Jungwon registers him without turning immediately â a peripheral awareness, the specific alertness of someone who keeps track of their surroundings as a matter of habit. Then he turns and looks at Heeseung with those still eyes and says nothing.
âYang Jungwon,â Heeseung says.
âI donât know you,â Jungwon says. Not rudely. Just accurately.
âLee Heeseung.â He extends his hand. Jungwon takes it. The grip is what it was with Sunghoon â level, no performance. âLee Corp.â
Something moves in Jungwonâs expression. The name has registered. Heeseung watches him file it and recalibrate and maintain his composure, which he does well.
âThe other side,â Jungwon says.
âThe other side,â Heeseung agrees. âHow are you finding it?â
âThe room?â
âThe world youâve walked into.â
Jungwon looks at him. The assessment in it is genuine â not performance, not posturing, just someone looking at a situation and determining what it is. âI donât know yet,â he says.
âHonest answer.â
âOnly kind I have.â
Heeseung looks at him for a moment. Considers him properly. The file had been accurate but files are flat and this person is not flat â there is something in him that is harder to categorise, a quality of presence that Heeseung does not usually encounter in fighters who have just signed with someone elseâs operation. He is not intimidated. He is not performing confidence. He is simply here, in the room, looking at it as it is.
âA word of advice,â Heeseung says. âFreely given.â
âFrom the competition.â
âFrom someone who grew up in this.â He looks out at the room. âWatch who brings you into conversations and watch who theyâre watching while they do it. The introductions in rooms like this are never just introductions.â
Jungwon follows his eyeline to where Shim Daejung is now speaking to the Matsuda CFO. âI know,â he says.
Heeseung looks at him sideways. âDo you.â
âIâm from Mapo-gu,â Jungwon says. âNot a different planet.â
The corner of Heeseungâs mouth moves. One small involuntary thing. He takes a sip of champagne and looks back at the room.
âGood luck in the ring,â he says. âYouâll need less of it than most.â
âThat a compliment from the competition?â
âCall it an observation,â Heeseung says, and moves on.
He finds her between conversations.
She is moving from one cluster to another with the fluid ease of someone who has been navigating this current her entire life, and she clocks him before he reaches her â he sees it, the almost imperceptible shift in her posture, the half second of management that she does so fast most people miss it. He has never missed it. He knows what it means.
âYouâre late,â she says, when he reaches her side.
âIâm always late,â he says.
âHence the observation.â
She looks at him in the way she looks at him in rooms like this â level, composed, the full armour on. Under the armour is the thing he is the only person who knows. He does not think about this too carefully or too often because thinking about it carefully leads to places that compromise his timeline.
âYou look well,â he says.
âDonât,â she says. Same word she said to Sunghoon earlier. He knows because he was watching.
âItâs a neutral observation.â
âNothing you say is neutral.â
He smiles. It is a real smile, which he allows himself because it is her and because the room will read it as the civility of two rivalsâ children being civilised and will not read what is underneath it, which is something older and less civil entirely.
âDance with me,â he says.
âNo.â
âItâs good for the optics. Rival families, cordial.â
âWeâre not cordial.â
âThey donât know that.â
She looks at him for a long moment. He looks back. The room moves around them. Somewhere across it Park Sunghoon is talking to someone and not watching, which is the only reason this conversation is happening at this register.
She sets her champagne on a nearby table.
âOne,â she says.
âOne,â he agrees.
The floor has a small number of couples moving through something slow and orchestral that the venue has piped in for atmosphere. He takes her hand and puts his other at her waist and she does the thing she does when he touches her in public, which is become very still and very composed and be in the exact way he knows she is trying not to be. He can feel her pulse at her wrist. He does not mention this.
They move. She is a good dancer. He is a better one. They both know this and she has never liked knowing it.
âThe new fighter,â he says, into the space near her ear. âJungwon.â
âWhat about him.â
âYou spoke to him.â
âSo did you.â
âI saw.â His hand at her waist adjusts slightly. âHeâs interesting.â
âHeâs my fatherâs,â she says. The words are flat and final and mean nothing and mean everything.
âFor now,â Heeseung says.
She pulls back enough to look at him. âDonât,â she says.
âIâm not doing anything.â
âYouâre always doing something.â
He looks at her. At the face he has known longer than almost any other face â the way it looks when the armour thins, which is happening now despite her, because it always does with him. He is the only variable she has never fully been able to manage and they both know it and she hates it and he has spent years not examining how he feels about that.
He turns her, smooth, brings her back in close. His mouth near her ear. He can smell her perfume and under it something that is just her, that has always been just her, that he filed away at nineteen and has never been able to fully retrieve.
âI have something tonight,â he says, very quietly. âAfter this.â
âIâm not interested.â
âYes you are.â
She is rigid in his arms for exactly one second. âHeeseungââ
âCome after midnight,â he says. âYou know the address.â
The music continues. They move through the last few bars of it and she looks straight ahead and does not look at him and he does not look at her and between them is fifteen years of history that neither of them has ever successfully put down.
The music resolves. She steps back. Looks at him with an expression that is composed and furious and underneath both of those things is the thing she never lets him see directly but which he reads anyway because he always reads it.
âFuck you,â she says. Pleasantly, quietly, the way people say things in rooms like this when the thing theyâre saying cannot be said at volume.
He takes her hand and brings it to his mouth. Presses his lips to her knuckles once, formal, the way you do in rooms like this. Over it he looks at her.
âMidnight,â he says.
He releases her hand and walks away.
He leaves the gala at eleven fifteen. Drives back to the apartment. Showers again because he is precise about these things. Changes into something easier. Pours a glass of whisky and sits in the dark of his living room and waits.
The apartment is spare and chosen. One painting on the main wall, small, something his mother made before his father made it so she couldnât make anything anymore. He looks at it sometimes. He looked at it before the gala. He looked at it and felt the task and turned away.
At twelve oh four he hears the elevator.
He doesnât move. Stays in the chair. Listens to her â the elevator opening, the pause in the entrance hall where she makes the decision again, the footsteps across the floor. She has been pausing in his doorways for years. She has been making the decision for years. She always makes the same one.
She appears in the doorway. Still in the gala dress. Heels in her hand. She looks at him in the chair in the dark and her face does what her face does when itâs just them â the armour present but thinner, the real edges of her visible at the seams.
âI hate you,â she says.
âI know,â he says.
âI mean it this time.â
âYou mean it every time.â
She puts her heels down. Crosses the room toward him and he watches her come with the unhurried attention he gives to things he wants, which is patient and total and a little unnerving and she knows all of this and comes toward him anyway.
She stops in front of him. Looks down at him in the chair.
He reaches up and takes her wrist. Her pulse under his thumb, fast, the same as on the dance floor. He runs his thumb over it once, deliberate, and watches her jaw tighten.
âSit down,â he says.
âDonât tell meââ
He pulls her down into his lap in one smooth motion and she lands against him with a sharp breath and his mouth finds the side of her neck immediately, the place below her ear that he mapped years ago and has never forgotten.
âHeeseung.â Warning in it. Or the shape of warning.
âYou came,â he says, into her skin.
âShut up.â
âYou always come.â His mouth moves against her throat. âEvery time. You tell me no and then youâre in my elevator at midnight.â His hand slides up her thigh under the hem of the dress, deliberate and unhurried. âWhat does that tell you.â
âThat I have poor judgment.â
âThat you know whose you are,â he says, and feels her whole body react to it. He pulls back and looks at her and his expression is the one that has never once been warm. âSay it.â
âDonâtââ
âSay it.â
A beat. Her jaw tight. âYours,â she says, and hates that she means it.
âGood girl.â He kisses her then â not careful, not composed, his hand coming up to the back of her neck and holding her there while he takes his time with her mouth, messy and unhurried, his tongue against hers until she makes a sound into him she couldnât suppress. He pulls back and looks at the state of her mouth. Looks satisfied by it. âHe had his hands on you all night,â he says, quiet. âSunghoon.â
âDonât startââ
âDid he kiss you.â His thumb presses to her lower lip, still wet from his mouth. âDid you let him put his mouth here.â
âNoââ
âBut you thought about it.â Not an accusation. A statement. His thumb drags slow across her lip. âAnd then you thought about this.â
She doesnât answer. She doesnât have to.
He stands with her, lifts her, her legs wrapping around him with the ease of a body that remembers. Carries her to the bedroom and drops her onto the bed and steps back and looks at her â dress, dark hair against his pillow, chest rising and falling too fast for composure.
âTake it off,â he says.
âYou usuallyââ
âI want to watch you do it.â
She holds his gaze and reaches back and unzips it and lets it fall and he looks at her in her lingerie on his bed and takes his time about looking because she is his and he is not in a hurry to pretend otherwise.
He moves to the edge of the bed. Crouches. Puts both hands on her knees and pushes them apart slowly and she lets him with the specific surrender she only has for him. His thumbs press into the soft skin of her inner thighs.
âHe touched you tonight,â he says. âIn front of everyone. His hands on your waist.â His thumbs press harder. âYou let him.â
âHeeseungââ
âDid you like it.â
âStopââ
âDid you.â
âNo,â she says, and means it, and he reads that she means it and files it.
âBecause you were thinking about this,â he says. âEvery time he touched you.â
She looks at him and her eyes are dark and furious and fully honest. âYes,â she says.
He takes the lingerie off methodically. Looks at her completely bare on his bed and the thing behind the locked door presses against it once and he closes it again. He lowers his mouth to the scars on her thighs â one, then the next, then the next. Methodical. His. She makes the sound that isnât for anyone else and he feels it in his spine.
He looks up at her from between her thighs. âIâve got you,â he says, which means possession and something else and both simultaneously.
He keeps her thighs apart with his forearm flat across her hips and puts his mouth on her cunt and she gasps â sharp, genuine â and her hand finds his hair immediately. He takes his time. Tongue flat and slow first, reading her, then focused, patient in the way heâs patient with everything that matters to him. When she tries to grind against his mouth he pins her down harder and doesnât adjust his pace.
âPleaseââ she breathes.
He pulls back. Looks up at her. Her pussy is wet against his lips and her composure is completely gone, the real her all the way to the surface.
âPlease what,â he says.
âDonât make meââ
âIâm going to make you,â he says, pleasantly. âEvery time. Say it.â
âYour mouth,â she says, jaw tight with the effort of it. âPlease. I want your mouth.â
âWhere.â
âHeeseungââ
âWhere, babygirl.â
The word does something to her. He watches it happen. Files it. âMy cunt,â she says, face flushed with want and something like fury. âPlease.â
âGood girl,â he says, and puts his mouth back on her.
He works her with his tongue and two fingers and then three, feeling her stretch, feeling her clench around him, reading every sound she makes and using each one. When sheâs shaking he pulls back and crawls up her body and kisses her â deep and messy, his tongue against hers, letting her taste herself on his mouth â and she makes a sound against him that is nothing like the composed woman from the gala.
âSunghoon doesnât know what you taste like,â he says, against her mouth. âDoes he.â
âNoââ
âNo.â He kisses her again, slower, messier, his hand cupping her jaw and tilting her where he wants her. âHe doesnât know any of it. The sounds you make. What you look like like this.â He pulls back and looks at her face â wrecked, wanting, entirely his. âOnly me.â
âOnly you,â she breathes, and stops fighting it.
He reaches down and strokes her once and she arches up and he removes his hand. âTell me what you want,â he says.
âYouââ
âSpecifically.â
Her jaw tightens. âYour cock,â she says. âPlease.â
âSince you asked,â he says, and the smile isnât warm, but underneath it is the thing he will never say.
He sinks into her slowly â all the way, deliberate, every inch â and the sound she makes when heâs fully seated inside her is the sound he would do anything to keep hearing, which is information he will take to his grave. He stills. Presses his palm flat to her lower stomach and feels himself there, the slight pressure of it, the faint swell, and watches her eyes go wide.
âFeel that,â he says.
âYesââ
âEvery time you go home to him,â he says, low, âyouâre going to feel this.â He drives forward and she cries out and he does it again. âEvery time he puts his hands on you, youâre going to think about whose cock did this to you.â
âYoursââ
âSay it properly.â
âYours,â she breathes, breaking. âOnly yoursââ
He reaches up and wraps his hand around her throat â not tight, just the weight of it, just the reminder of him â and tilts her face to his and makes her hold his gaze while he moves. The rhythm is deep and relentless and she takes it with her hands braced against the headboard and her eyes on his because breaking eye contact with Heeseung has always felt like losing something.
âSunghoon touches you like heâs asking permission,â he says, low, against her ear, his hand present at her throat. âLike heâs not sure heâs allowed.â He drives deeper and feels her clench around his cock. âYou donât want that.â
He kisses her again â deep and messy, tongue against hers, swallowing the sounds she makes â and his free hand works between them to find her clit and she pulls back from the kiss to gasp and he chases her mouth and takes it back. Keeps kissing her while his fingers work and his hips drive forward and she is completely undone beneath him, no composure left anywhere.
His hand at her stomach presses flat again, feeling himself moving inside her, the obscenity of it, and she looks down and makes a sound that is not composed and not civilised and entirely real.
âYou feel like mine,â he says, against her mouth.
âSay it again,â she says. Against everything. Against better judgment. Against fifteen years of reasons not to.
He pulls back to look at her. His hips still moving. His hand tightening fractionally at her throat, just enough. The fault line in the locked door.
âMine,â he says, low and certain. His hand at her throat. His palm at her stomach. His cock buried inside her. âMine.â
She comes apart.
Her pussy clenches around him and she makes a sound that fills the quiet apartment and he drives through it, relentless, and she soaks his hand and the sheets beneath her and makes a broken sound that he swallows with his mouth, kissing her through it, messy and deep, his tongue against hers while she shakes. He says it one more time against her mouth like it keeps escaping him â mine â low and rough and nothing like his usual control, the one crack he allows himself, the one fault line that has always been hers.
He follows her. It hits him in the base of his spine and breaks over him with her name in it, his face pressed to her throat, the controlled architecture of him coming apart at exactly one place. He fills her and stays there and her hands in his hair go gentle for the first time all night and it costs him more than anything else has.
He pulls out slowly. His hand at her throat loosens and becomes a palm resting at her collarbone, warm and still. He lies beside her and looks at the ceiling and then looks at her and then looks at the ceiling again.
She lies on her back, chest still rising and falling fast. The room is dark and warm and full of things neither of them will say.
He looks at the mark above her collarbone that she will have to deal with tomorrow. He looks at it without apology.
âSunghoon will see that,â he says.
âI know,â she says.
âGood,â he says, quietly. And means it completely.
She lies on her back looking at the ceiling, chest still rising and falling fast. The room is dark and warm and smells like them and for a few minutes neither of them says anything and the silence is, as their silences have always been, full of things.
âYou should sleep,â he says.
âIâm not staying.â
âItâs two in the morning.â
âI know what time it is.â
He turns his head and looks at her profile. The line of her nose, her jaw, the way her chest rises and falls. He has looked at this face for years. He will look at it for years more. He will use it and he will keep it and he will never tell her the thing that is true about it because telling her would compromise everything and he is patient and he is thorough and he does not compromise things.
Even things with her name on them.
âSunghoon,â he says.
She closes her eyes. âDonât.â
âIs it serious.â
âNo.â
He turns his head and looks at her profile. The line of her nose, her throat, the mark he has left above her collarbone that she will have to deal with tomorrow. He looks at this without apology.
âSunghoon,â he says.
She closes her eyes. âDonât start.â
âIs it serious.â
âNo.â
âDoes he think it is.â
A beat. The pause of someone who knows the answer and doesnât want to give it. âIt doesnât matter what he thinks,â she says.
âIt matters to me,â he says. Flatly. Simply. The most honest thing he will say tonight and he says it like it costs nothing.
She opens her eyes. Looks at the ceiling. Something in her face moves. âHeeseung,â she says, very quietly. Not angry. Something else.
âI know,â he says. Which means he knows what she is and isnât going to say. Which means he is letting her not say it. Which is the particular mercy he extends to her because she is the one person he extends it to.
She sits up. Finds her dress. Puts it on with the practised efficiency of someone who has dressed in this room before. He watches her. He always watches her.
She finds her heels. Stands in the doorway of his bedroom and looks back at him once, in the dark, with an expression he reads in full â the want and the anger and the thing underneath both that neither of them will name.
âDonât,â she says.
He says nothing.
She leaves. He hears the elevator open and close. He lies in the dark of his room in the apartment that three people know exists and feels the fault line in the architecture of himself and closes it, methodically, the way he closes everything.
He thinks about the gala. About Shim Daejungâs flicker. About Yang Jungwonâs still eyes watching the room. About Kim Jungsoo in the apartment in Mapo-gu and the cooking show still going.
He thinks about her walking back to the car with his mark on her throat and going home and sleeping in a bed that is not his.
He thinks about the timeline. What it requires. What it will cost.
He closes his eyes.
He is patient.
He is thorough.
He smiles at the ceiling in the dark, the smile that isnât warm, and goes to sleep.
A/N: and thatâs the chapter of what is going to absolutely ruin everyone đ. heeseung has been living in my head rent free and iâm not even a little sorry about it. if you made it to the end youâre just like me and we should talk. reblogs and feedback keep me writing â see you in the next one!
premise: all good things come in threes. the holy trinity. third time's the charm. peter, paul, and mary. your three roommates willing to help you experience how REAL, pleasurable sex feels like.
notes: fem!reader, roommate au, multiple partners, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected penetrative sex (wrap ut b4 u tap it plz), voyeurism, exhibitionism, multiple orgasm, reader has prior shitty sexual experience
a/n: inspired by this post i made some months back. also shoutout to @cheolscherries1812 for their original comment on the post about leaders đ«¶đ» i started this in hopes that it would eliminate my writer's block BUT IT DIDN'T but it's here now, and i'm very proud of it, and i'm slowly getting back to writing. appreciate your patience and support for all of my work across all of my blogs!!! also, if this is reminiscent of my older works, then...;)
it should be a quiet friday evening for you, all things considered.Â
you had gotten off work, came home to dinner lovingly prepared by euijoo, kicked jaehyunâs ass in mario kart, and received an unprompted but well-appreciated shoulder rub from jungwon. it was shaping up to be a good start to your weekend, a smooth transition into two daysâ worth of rest.Â
that was, until jaehyun suggested the four of you have a few rounds of drinks. rarely do you ever get together as a complete unit of four, considering everyoneâs hectic schedules, and this was exactly what jaehyun used to rationalize his little idea as he gathered the shot glasses and raided the apartmentâs not-so-secret stash of alcohol.Â
euijoo and jungwon seemed down for it, too. the snack drawer was emptied and dumped on the carpeted floor of the living room, and before you knew it, the four of you were gathered in a circle, mixing vodka with the monstrous stock of mountain dew that jungwon of all people kept in one of the cupboards.
but the drinks turned into jokes, and the jokes turned into dares, and the dares turned into an impromptu game of never have i ever.
âthis is childish. what are we, in high school?â you give each of your roommates a pointed look, trying to convey just how much you oppose the idea of the game.
yes, these are your roommates, the people you literally live with, and your bond goes beyond usual roommate bounds, but youâre not exactly sure about inevitably spilling all your dirty little secrets to them.
the three of them stare back, unfazed, eyebrows raised in equal challenge.Â
âthatâs the point! itâs fun because itâs childish,â jaehyun reasons, shot glass in hand while he pours vodka into it. he turns to you fully, handing you the liquor.
âbottoms up, sweetheart,â he says.Â
you cringe at the nickname but take the shot glass, anyway. you down the drink in one graceful swoop, your face crumpling as the liquid slithers down your throat. your two other roommates whoop in celebration, and despite it all, you feel yourself relax as the warmth of the vodka spreads from your stomach to your limbs.
jungwon and euijoo throw their own heads back as they take their shots, and you muster up everything in you to stop yourself from staring at the bobbing of their throats.
you hand the glass back to jaehyun. he fills it up once more, pouring to the brim.
ânow this is for the fun part,â jaehyun teases, winking at you playfully.Â
âi told you, i donât want to play,â you reiterate.Â
âboring,â jungwon quips from across you, grinning when you narrow your eyes at him.
âjust one round,â euijoo encourages from your left, peering into your face and smiling sweetly.
you feel your stomach flip, and given your history of not being able to say no to euijoo, you canât help but let his words get to you. you roll your eyes, sighing, though euijoo knows this is just code for âfine, but only because you said so.â
euijoo just knew you like that.Â
and euijoo could just get you like that.
he leans over and bumps your shoulder with his and you feel your face flare up with heat.Â
âyouâre all gonna gang up on me anyway,â you pout. this earns a conspiratorial chuckle from jungwon.
âthen at least you know what youâre in for,â jungwon reasons.Â
you brandish your middle finger up at him, to which he blows you a kiss in retaliation while jaehyun swats your hand down.Â
you should be irritated, annoyed, hassledâwhatever other word describes the negative feeling that you ought to be getting from being teased around like this. but you just canât. for all their shenanigans, your roommates are some of the only people who could get away with being like this with you.
in hindsight, and historically speaking, it probably isnât healthy, and it definitely isnât advised to develop feelings for your roommate, but here you are.Â
crushing on all of your roommates.
youâre not sure when it started, but you try to rationalize it by telling yourself that living with three guys in their early twenties was bound to create some complicated feelings eventually.Â
sure, letâs go with that.
ârelax, ______, itâs just ânever have i everâ,â jaehyun croons, pushing the shot glass into yor hand. you take it, eyeing it warily.Â
if euijoo was the sweet one, then myung jaehyun was the pain in your ass.Â
âitâs never just ânever have i everâ when it comes to you,â you counter. âyou always have some ulterior motive behind these games of yours.â
jaehyun splutters, eyes widening as he throws his hands up as if in surrender.Â
âiâve never been so offended in my life,â he complains.
âcan we just start the game so we can actually start drinking?â jungwonâs voice cuts over the bickering. a finger presses against his temple, his eyebrows pinched together as he stares at you and jaehyun.
âokay, iâll start,â euijoo jumps right in, and you barely have any time to blink, let alone register whatâs happening.
ânever have i ever performed oral sex in public.â
âwhy are we jumping into the sex stuff already?â you demand, a look of alarm settling on your face as you turn to euijoo.
euijoo shrugs, running a hand over his tired eyes. âi donât know, ______. iâm kinda tipsy already, you know, so why not?â
you swallow, pretending that the lazy drawl in his voice doesnât do something to you.
with a disbelieving huff, you take the shot glass from the floor in front of you and gulp down its contents in two swallows. you meet jungwonâs eyes as you finish, his drink gone as well as he sets his own glass down.Â
âokay, ______. we need details,â jaehyun urges, nudging your knee with his foot. you smack him hard on the thigh.Â
âthatâs not part of the rules,â you deflect, snickering when youâre rewarded with a loud yelp from jaehyun. âbesides, you want me to believe that you havenât given anyone head in public?â
jaehyun shrugs, rubbing the spot where you hit him. âi havenât given anyone head in public. receiving it thoughâŠâ
euijoo and jaehyun make eye contact, and as if on cue, the two reach forward to dap each other up.Â
âi know what you mean, brother,â euijoo quips, a shit-eating grin spreading on his face.
âyou?â you turn accusingly to euijoo. âreally?â
euijoo schools his expression into one of innocence. âwhat? you think i donât mess around?â
you pause, the implication clear in his statement. the thought of euijooâyour kind, soft-hearted, considerate roommateâgoing around hooking up with people sends a strange feeling creeping up your spine. not that he canât be kind and hook up at the same time; his disposition has nothing to do with his actual sex life.Â
itâs the images that come to your head that give you pause.Â
his hand running up someoneâs thigh. his lips ghosting over someoneâs neck. his hips slamming againstâ
you blink, willing yourself back to earth lest you completely lose yourself in your thoughts.Â
âyour turn,â jaehyun points out as he refills everyoneâs shots. you blink again, your brain taking a few seconds to catch up.
âoh,â you say, clearing your throat. ânever have i ever received head in public.â
euijoo and jaehyunâs voices meld into a single complaint.
ânow thatâs not fair!â jaehyun cries out.Â
âyou did that on purpose!â euijoo protests.
âtoo bad, you shouldnât have volunteered information i didnât ask for,â you respond, chuckling as they begrudgingly down their shots. you and jungwon high five, identical grins settling on your faces.Â
âokay, you had your chance to get even,â jaehyun grumbles, pouting cutely. some stupid part of you wants to crawl over to kiss it off his face.
seriously, what is up with you?
ânever have i ever faked an orgasm,â jaehyun declares, a wicked glint in his eye as he turns to you.Â
indignation fills you immediately.Â
âhey, now thatâs not fair!â you cry out, reaching over to deliver your nth smack of the night to jaehyunâs shoulder.Â
âwhatâs not fair is you having to fake orgasms,â jaehyun says, laughing. he dodges another one of your attempts at his arm.Â
âstatistically and biologically speaking, a lot of people with vaginas have a harder time finishing for a variety of reasons,â you argue. âyou canât hold my own biology over me!â
the three men burst into laughter, and you glare at each one of them in turn. you mutter under your breath about wishing you had a dick instead, downing yet another shot. your stomach burns with the liquid but the fuzziness is starting to settle now. you feel quite good, actually.Â
âwhat kind of shitty sex are you having?â jungwon asks from across you, head tilting in curiosity. some of his hair falls into his wide, delicate eyes and you watch as he brushes them back with equally delicate fingers.
âthe kind thatâs none of your business,â you retort, grabbing the bottle of vodka to refill your own drink.Â
you catch just enough of it to witness your three roommates exchanging looks. your face heats up and youâre not sure if itâs the embarrassment or the alcohol.Â
âitâs not to say that i havenât ever finished during sex,â you blurt out, cringing once the words had escaped you.Â
âitâs just a phenomenon thatâs few and far between.â
thereâs pure silence for a few seconds, your roommates looking at you with varying degrees of worry and amusement.Â
âwhen do you orgasm?â euijoo asks and it catches you so off guard you nearly drop your glass.Â
âexcuse me?â you demand. euijoo merely smiles lazily, leaning back against the couch behind him.Â
âwhat happens when you actually cum? like, what leads up to it?â euijoo expounds, and his choice of words has your bottom lip slipping between your teeth.Â
fuck, he sounds a little too hot saying the word âcumâ.
âwhat is it with you guys and trying to pry into my sex life?â you question, putting on your sternest expression yet.Â
not that you arenât willing to be forthcoming with them. truth be told, youâd tell them anything if they asked nicely enough. or if they just asked, point-blank, period. they donât even have to be nice about it. you just think that itâs best to put up a semblance of normalcy, barring your filthy, unfiltered thoughts and fantasies from escaping.Â
thoughts and fantasies that involved them, of all people.
âarenât we allowed to be curious?â jungwon questions, fixing you with another one of his looks. the one that has your stomach flipping ten different ways. that one.Â
âno,â you deadpan and you think you see a flicker of something in jungwonâs eyes.Â
if euijoo was kind, and jaehyun was an ass, then jungwon was the iron fist that ruled the apartment. not a hair left on the floor, no piece of furniture crooked when heâs in charge.
you think about how youâd hate to be on the receiving end of his ire. in the conventional sense, at least. elsewhere, thoughâŠ
âyour turn,â you say, shifting the subject back to the game before anyone else gets any more ideas.
but, having lived with your roommates for about half a year, you really should have known that theyâre always full of ideas.Â
ânever have i ever been eaten out before.â
jungwonâs lips rise at the corners as he waits for you to take a shot. you stare back, shrugging. you donât move.Â
no one takes drink.
it takes a few seconds for the rest of them to catch up.
ânever?â jaehyun asks, his voice pitching higher.Â
âwhat, you guys havenât had your ass eaten out?â you feign a giggle, trying to shift the subject to anywhere but at you. âi thought for sure at least one of you would be into that.â
âthatâs unimportant,â euijoo declares. âyouâve never been eaten out?â
you falter. âwellâno.â
âthatâs like foreplay 101. hell, thatâs the main event for some people,â jungwon says, his expression full of disbelief. âyouâre telling us no one had bothered to eat you out before?â
the way he so crudely talks about your bedroom activities has you shifting in your seat, thighs squeezing together in an attempt to relieve yourself of the growing pressure in your belly.Â
âi mean, no one really offeredâ,â
âthatâs fucking insane,â jaehyun interrupts. âiâll eat you out right now, if you want.â
a violent blush takes over your entire face as you nearly choke on air.Â
âyouâre so full of shit, myung jaehyun,â your voice pitches higher as you stare at your roommate, your heart thundering just beneath your ribcage.Â
jaehyun merely shrugs as he beams at you. he pushes his wire-rimmed glasses further up his face, raking a hand through his hair after, and itâs with great self-control that you urge your eyes to look anywhere else but at him.Â
âweâre just saying, your past sexual partners must have been pretty selfish if they hadnât as much as offered toâŠyou know.â euijoo cuts in with a gentler approach, gesturing vaguely as he finishes his statement.Â
it never really dawned on you that this was such a strange phenomenon. sure, sex felt good for you on numerous occasions, and some of your encounters nearly brought you there. but it was never enough. half of them were clumsy, most too eager. their hands would grab too hard at all the wrong places and their fingers would leave you aching, and not in the way you wanted.
âiâve never been fingered properly before, either,â you blurt out, voice fading to an unsure mumble towards the end.
euijoo raises his eyebrows. âiâm sorry, what?â
you sigh, deciding to just let it all out.Â
âmost times, the people iâve been with would try toâŠwith their fingers,â you explain. you meet each of your roommatesâ eyes one by one. âbut it would mostly hurt and it didnât feel good at all.â
you can practically hear the ticking of the clock in the next room over.
âand i ask you once more, what actually makes you cum during sex?â euijoo questions, fixing you with an equally worried and eager stare.Â
your throat feels parched, your words and thoughts a jumble in your head.Â
âi usually just get myself off. i rub one out while theyâŠdo whatever it is theyâre doing.â
silence.Â
jaehyun looks to jungwon who looks to euijoo who looks back at jaehyun. for some reason, this feels more humiliating than if they were all staring at you.Â
âlooks like you pulled the short end of the stick when it comes to the people you sleep with,â jungwon says with a little snicker. you flush as his eyes do a brief once-over of your figure.
âi know, i know, i shouldnât have settled for anything less,â you grumble, pulling your knees to your chest. you curl into yourself, suddenly hyperaware of all of the eyes on you.Â
âi havenât slept with anyone, in like, half a year. canât have shitty sex if youâre not having sex at all,â you add, chuckling humorlessly.
âso your last was the ex you broke up with before moving here?â jaehyun clarifies, scooting closer until his shoulder is pressed up to yours.Â
you sigh, rubbing your eyes. âyes.â
another stretch of silence blankets the four of you, and you internally cringe at the direction this game and this conversation has taken. jaehyun shifts to your right, his arm draping over and around your shoulders.
âwant us to help you?â
jungwon snickers and euijooâs already large eyes widen even more. you whip your head towards jaehyun, equal parts scandalized andâŠaroused.Â
âcut it out,â you mumble halfheartedly, trying to pry jaehyun off of you.Â
âwhat? iâm trying to be a gentleman here,â jaehyun protests with a smile. his body heat and cologne muddle your senses.
âby offering to sleep with me?â you protest, elbowing him hard in the ribs. he winces but pulls you in even closer.Â
âdonât tell me you guys havenât thought about it,â jaehyun says, gesturing to euijoo and jungwon, his brows raised knowingly.
you feel your entire body go simultaneously cold and impossibly hot, the sensations fighting as euijoo and jungwon look at each other.Â
âthatâs quite the accusation,â jungwon muses, tilting his head, a traitorous smirk settling on his lips.Â
you feel all semblance of calm escape you, your heart beating faster than it already was. you turn to euijoo for any sort of reprieve from this situation youâve found yourself in, but even he refuses to meet your eyes.Â
oh.
so itâs like that.
under normal circumstances, this should have scared you. disgusted you, even. but you would be lying if you said that you havenât thought about them that way. sure, it started as innocent crushes, feelings developed for people you live in close proximity to. but as proximity goes, your rooms are crammed into one short hallway, walls like paper, and squeaky doors that donât ever fully close.Â
youâve heard them on certain nights, groans too rhythmic and sighs too loud to be anything but what you thought it was. you had felt like a pervert all this time, listening in and anticipating that stretch of silence right after an audible gasp, or that maddeningly loud creak of a bed as one of them finishes, headboard banging against your wall.Â
(you remember now it was euijoo, as his room is right next to yours.)
so all propriety aside, you have no choice but to admit that youâre irrevocably, undeniably turned on right now.Â
âso you have thought about it.â you finally find your voice and it seems to snap all three men out of their reveries.Â
jaehyun shrugs from beside you. always the candid one, his fingers trace patterns on your exposed shoulder, smiling when he feels goosebumps rise on your skin.Â
âyou know i do. i havenât really been keeping it a secret, have i?â
you meet jaehyunâs eyes and he looks at you expectantly in that annoyingly handsome way of his. you lick your lips and his eyes follow the motion, snapping back up right at the very last second.
âi thought you were just messing with me,â you whisper.Â
but you know. you know deep down he was doing anything but.
âwell iâm not,â jaehyun says, disproving your statement.Â
âletâs make a deal.â
you turn your head towards jungwon whoâs looking at you, calculation evident in his eyes. he glances briefly at your two other roommates before straightening.
âyou let us take care of you and we can finally put this topic to bed,â jungwon continues calmly, as if he were just proposing who gets to do what chore in the apartment.Â
âiâwhat?â your voice is barely above a nervous whisper.Â
jungwon shrugs. âyou said youâve never been eaten out.â
he looks to jaehyun.Â
âwanna help her with that?â
jaehyunâs face immediately breaks out into a grin. jungwon continues before jaehyun can get a word in.
âyou said you havenât been fingered properly. maybe i can do something about it,â jungwon says without breaking eye contact. you feel your whole body tense up and shiver.Â
have all of you gone completely crazy?
âanything else we can help you with?â jaehyun says, glancing at euijoo, who seems to be the only one as affected by all this as much as you are.
euijoo takes a moment before looking over at you. even in your apartmentâs shitty lighting, you can see the way his pupils dilate, eyes raking over your curled-up figure.Â
âwhat do you want?â euijoo questions, shifting his body subtly closer to face you.
you swallow, a million thoughts running through your mind.Â
this is ridiculous. this is reckless. this is dangerous. who thinks about sleeping with all her roommates? who entertains the idea of them âhelpingâ you by granting you sexual favors?
âwhatever it is you think about doing when you jerk off at night,â you respond, despite yourself.Â
you relish the way euijooâs breath catches, his lips pressing into a thin line.Â
jungwon and jaehyun simultaneously let out disbelieving chuckles. euijoo is bright red now, all the way to the tips of his ears.
âguess we arenât so quiet when weâahârelieve ourselves,â jaehyun muses with a chuckle.Â
âyou especially,â you banter, digging your elbow once more into his ribs.Â
âoh, sheâs got some bite,â jaehyun taunts, his hand sliding down your back before resting just above your ass.Â
âbig talk for someone who just admitted to settling for bad sex,â jungwon pipes up. he pushes himself to stand, slinking over to where youâre seated.
jungwon crouches down, and due to his stature, even in this position, you have to crane your neck up to look him in the eye.
âwant us to help you?â
you hear nothing but the steady thud of your heartbeat in your ears, and you feel nothing but sheer weightlessness as you ponder your options.Â
theyâre offering, and youâre willing.Â
you inhale, resolve hardening in your chest.Â
âiâd like to see you try,â is all you say.Â
itâs like a switch is flipped within all three of them. you physically feel the room go still as all three sets of eyes turn to you. jungwon is the closest and in your direct line of sight. he grins, his hand reaching out, his pointer finger resting just beneath your chin.Â
âiâd like to see you take it.â
jungwon glances to jaehyun, raising a brow.Â
âi got it from here,â jaehyun says, voice low and rougher all of a sudden. jungwon nods before returning to his seat.
you turn, your heartbeat still thundering loudly in your ears.
euijoo and jungwon watch with attentive eyes as jaehyun lets his hand fall completely to the slope of your ass. his other hand reaches for your thigh, grabbing onto the supple flesh and maneuvering you to face him.Â
âyou can still say no,â jaehyun whispers, fingers trailing up on your skin.Â
in what world would you do such a thing?
before you can overthink it, you lean forward to connect your lips with jaehyunâs. you hear jungwon snicker and euijoo inhale. jaehyun, on the other hand, smiles into the kiss, a hand coming up to cup your face. he pulls you closer, manhandling you over his lap, to which you allow yourself to respond eagerly, arms circling his neck.
jaehyun shifts beneath you, pressing his semi between your legs, and you gasp, rocking harder against him in retaliation. he moans wantonly into your mouth, but quickly pulls away to discard his glasses before diving back in with renewed vigor.
you tug at his hair and he digs his nails into your waist. months of teasing and sexual innuendos amount to this, with him half-hard and you leaking through your underwear.
âhurry up,â jungwon teases. you pull away, peering over your shoulder to see him chewing on his thumbnail, eyes dark as he surveys the scene in front of him.
euijoo looks like heâs about to explode.Â
glad to know youâre on the same page.Â
âhurrying is what got her here in the first place,â jaehyun warns with no real bite, a corner of his lips twitching up.Â
âisnât that right, pretty? weâll take it nice and slow for you tonight.â
you whimper involuntarily, jaehyunâs fingers traveling down to press firmly into your inner thighs. he wastes no time in coaxing you down, right onto your back.Â
you thank the heavens in your head for the foresight of suggesting that your living room needed a fluffier rug.Â
your hair spreads out beneath your head, and jaehyun rakes his eyes over your face, down to your neck, then to your chest, caging you in with his arms braced on either side of you.Â
âcan i take these off?â jaehyun asks, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of your shorts. his hair is sticking up all over, and you think about how ridiculously hot he looks at this moment.
âyes,â you mutter softly. this earns a soft smile from him.
âthere she is. thought i wouldnât be hearing that voice for the rest of the night.â
the soft croon of jaehyunâs words, coupled with the drag of the fabric against your warm skin as he pulls your bottoms down, sends yet another shiver through you. youâre left semi-exposed in just your underwear, your legs automatically clamping shut.Â
ânone of that, sweetheart,â jaehyun urges gently, prying your thighs apart once more. âhow am i gonna help you if i canât even reach whatâs here?â
just as he says this, he reaches down and presses two fingers right at your core, on the damp spot forming on your panties. you gasp, bucking into jaehyunâs hand. he grins, obviously pleased with your reaction.Â
âfor someone so hesitant, you sure are eager,â jaehyun says, rubbing at the spot, movements traitorously slow.Â
ânow youâre just taking the piss,â euijoo comments under his breath. âdonât leave her waiting.â
you crane your neck to look at your other roommate and you have to suppress a moan at what you see.Â
euijooâs still leaning back against the couch, his fingers tapping restlessly against his leg. thereâs a sizeable bulge at the front of his sweatpants.Â
jaehyun rolls his eyes playfully, withdrawing his touch to yank your underwear down in one fell swoop. you startle, but you let jaehyun slip the last barrier standing between his and the rest of your roommatesâ eyes and your aching, wet pussy.
âoh, wow. you really wanted this, huh?â jaehyun questions, spreading your legs even further apart.Â
he settles on his stomach, face level with your core. you can feel his breath on your skin, hot and anticipatory.Â
âhow can anyone let all this go to waste? if it were up to me, iâd make sure you cum at least three times. per session. for as many sessions a day as you want.â jaehyun snickers, his fingers making contact with the moisture pooling between your legs.Â
âj-jaehyun,â you whine, your hand flying down to his hair. he peers up, leaning into your touch.Â
you tangle your fingers in his hair and tug.
the first brush of jaehyunâs tongue over your cunt sends you almost careening over the edge already. having no prior reference to what being eaten out feels like, all you know is that the whole world seems to have fallen away, leaving only this: the sensation of pure, utter pleasure pulsing through your body from what jaehyunâs mouth is doing to you.
he latches his lips over your clit, suckling gently, and your hips shoot straight up, grinding against his face. jaehyun hums against you, his tongue flicking the sensitive nub over and over.Â
your whole body ignites with what you can only describe as the most blissful burning sensation youâve ever experienced. jaehyun pulls you closer to him, your legs thrown over his shoulders as his arms hook around your thighs, locking you in place. his nose brushes your clit as he teases your hole and itâs like a thousand fireworks go off right within your body.Â
âfuck, thatâs hot,â you hear a voice say somewhere else in the room. you think itâs jungwon.
your eyes blink the bleariness away as you try to make sense of your surroundings, an attempt to find reprieve from the near-overwhelming sensation that jaehyun is dealing you.Â
jungwon is worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, the heel of his palm pressed into the front of his pants.Â
you glance to the side and nearly cum from the sight of euijoo languidly stroking himself as he watches you, fully engrossed in the scene unfolding in front of him.Â
jaehyun pulls your attention back to him, his whole mouth suctioning over your clit, tongue flattening and applying a constant pulse of pressure. youâre practically thrashing around by now, not used to the attention dealt to your most sensitive area.Â
your first orgasm of the night comes quickly and unexpectedly, your whole body tensing as jaehyun fucks his tongue into your hole. you clench up, thighs pressing into the side of jaehyunâs head.Â
âoh fuckâjaehyun!â his name falls helplessly from your mouth. âj-jaehyun, please!â
you donât know what youâre begging for, but you know that you never want to stop feeling this way.Â
jaehyun doesnât let up, even when youâre whining in protest, fingers pulling at his hair. still, his tongue laps up at the overflowing arousal, burying his face even deeper into your pussy, as if it were his last meal deprived from him.Â
âcome on, baby, one more,â you hear jaehyun say, words almost completely garbled as he continues to undo you with his mouth. he reaches up and shoves your shirt up, one hand roughly grabbing at one of your tits.Â
how convenient for all of you that you decided to forego a bra tonight.
you moan, arching into his touch, your own fingers curling around his wrist as he kneads at your soft flesh. you feel another orgasm approach.Â
jaehyun pinches harshly at your nipple, tugging right after, and for the second time, your entire world burns white-hot. you cum yet again, breath caught in your throat as your face scrunches in ecstasy.Â
your roommate pulls away from between your legs, watching as you slump back down to the ground, panting and completely spent. you peek at jaehyun, his lips and chin completely drenched in you as he observes your every move.Â
âgood?â he asks. you canât help the chuckle that escapes you.Â
âiâm afraid anyone who comes after you will have a hard time living up to that,â you admit, throwing an arm over your eyes as you try to catch your breath.Â
but before youâre afforded a minuteâs rest, your arm is pulled away as jungwonâs face comes into view.Â
âdonât challenge me, sweetheart,â jungwon says with a smirk. he glances at jaehyun.
âmove. itâs my turn.â
jaehyun exaggerates a bow, leaving you with a wink as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. he stalks off to take jungwonâs seat at the side, the tent in his own pants painfully obvious now.Â
âstill okay?â jungwon asks, a palm smoothing down your arm. âdoes your back hurt? do you need a pillow?â
you shake your head, giggling. âiâm fine, wonie.â
jungwonâs eyes darken at the nickname, mischief painting his smile. âso, is it fine if i do this?â
you donât have time to register his question before heâs reaching down, the tip of his finger circling your hole. you yelp, instinctually pulling away, your core sensitive from jaehyunâs ministrations.
without waiting for an answer, jungwon plunges two fingers in, his other hand pressing down on your stomach to keep you in place.
âi thought you wanted us to show you how itâs done?â jungwon asks, voice steady, with the barest hint of teasing.Â
âor is it too much?â
jungwon drags his fingers out half of the way before pushing them back in. you jolt, a high-pitched whimper spilling out from your lips. the fingers inside you curl up against your walls, sending your eyes rolling to the back.Â
itâs too much and not enough all at once.
âthatâs it,â jungwon says, curling his fingers even harder the second time. âso responsive. so good for us, hm?â
your hands try to find purchase somewhere, anywhere, and eventually, they settle on clutching onto the sleeve of jungwonâs sweater.Â
âplease,â you beg for nothing and everything. âjungwon, h-hurts, need it, pleaseââ
âuse your words properly,â jungwon interrupts, tone admonishing.Â
âfaster,â you gasp. âplease fuck me faster, harder.â
jungwon snickers, pace immediately picking up. your back arches, your clit twitching from the lack of attention. you reach down, rubbing harshly.
âoh, fuck,â jaehyunâs voice is hoarse over the roaring in your ears. âthatâs so fucking hot, baby.â
his words spur you on, your hips moving on their own accord, swiveling and thrusting closer to jungwonâs hand. he slams his fingers repeatedly in and out of you, curling at the very last second before pulling out and then repeating it over again.
âfilthy, arenât you? bet you fantasized about us fucking you like this. using you like this,â jungwon sneers, tugging your shirt all the way up and over your breasts. he continues what jaehyun started, pinching and tugging and rolling your nipples between his fingers.Â
he lands a hard smack to your tits and it sends a shock of pleasure all over you.Â
again and again he repeats this, and you feel the skin on your chest start to warm. finally, as his fingers brush over your sensitive peaks for the nth time, coupled with the pressure in your belly from his fingers, your third orgasm tears right through you, unraveling you once more. you twitch and shudder, tears springing in your eyes with how tight youâre squeezing them shut.Â
it takes about a minute for your whole body to relax, your limbs splayed out as jungwon pulls his fingers out.Â
âgood girl,â jungwon praises, pushing his fingers into your mouth without any preamble. you bristle but let him slide in, your saliva quickly coating his digits, salty from your fluids.
âshit, look at you,â jungwon laughs breathily. âdonât blame me if iâm coming into your room every night just to see this view again and again.â
you whimper as jungwon withdraws his hand. he leans down, pecking your lips lightly.Â
âhope that was good enough for you,â he whispers, pulling back before you can even respond.
your heart is hammering in your chest as you watch jungwon take a seat beside jaehyun, who is now full on jerking himself off, cock slick with precum as he eyes your half-naked body on the living room floor.Â
euijoo drifts into your line of sight, his expression hard to read. he has himself tucked back into his pants, but itâs obvious that heâs still rock hard underneath. he crawls over to you, then settles into a sitting position beside you.Â
âstill good?â euijoo asks, brushing some of your hair away from your face.Â
you nod, pushing yourself up onto your elbows.Â
âneed a break?â euijoo continues. âwe can stop now, if you want.â
you tilt your head. despite everything, you canât help the urge to poke fun at your very mild-mannered roommate.Â
âwhy? what are you gonna do to me?âÂ
euijooâs eyebrows shoot up, eyes moving down to study your figure.Â
âiâm not going to do anything. you are,â euijoo responds. he reaches out, tugging at your arm.
you let yourself be pulled up to a sitting position, too weak to protest much. anticipation courses through your veins as euijoo lies down, propping himself up on his own elbows.Â
âyou asked what i think about doing when i jerk off at night,â euijoo begins, tugging you closer.
âi think about you, riding me, fucking yourself on my cock.â
your breath stutters but a new wave of arousal washes over you. you tentatively push yourself up on your knees, scooting over to where euijoo is. you eye his clothed dick, unsure, momentarily glancing up at him.
his eyes appear glazed over, but still hardened with resolve.Â
âif you want to experience good sex, maybe youâll have to work for it a little, hm?â euijoo gestures to his sweats, to the string still tied tightly.
you balk at his words, not expecting him to take this tone with you. granted, heâs still speaking as he always does, but the way euijoo so flippantly tells you to work for it has your thighs clenching together once more.
you reach over to tug at the drawstring, undoing the knot, careful not to let your hand brush directly on his bulge. you pull at the waistband next, taking euijooâs underwear along with it.Â
his cock springs free and you feel yourself get dizzy.
euijoo is long and full, heavy in your hand as you take hold of him. heâs still slick from his precum, beads of it continuing to leak from his tip. he hisses as you stroke languidly along his length, your mouth watering as you do so.
âdonât be shy,â euijoo says with a little chuckle. it sounds innocent, lighthearted. but thereâs a glint in his eye that has your stomach twisting in the best way possible.
you oblige, swinging one leg over his supine form. you line him up at your entrance, and at the last second, you peer over your shoulder at your two other roommates.
jaehyun licks his lips, cock on full display as he fists it harshly, and jungwon has something in his hand, clutched tightly around his own length. with a jolt, you realize it's your underwear. the lace material drags up and down jungwonâs dick, for sure ruined beyond measure.
âeyes here, _______.â the sound of your name from euijooâs lips forces your attention back to him. he holds you by your thighs, thumb rubbing back and forth on your skin reassuringly.
you inhale, sinking down on euijoo.Â
the first slide in has both of you groaning, your mouth falling open as you make it all the way down. the stretch is unlike anything youâve felt before, and the way euijooâs fingers dig into your things adds another delicious sensation into the mix.
âgod, you feel amazing,â euijoo breathes, his pelvis automatically rolling up. you gasp, bracing yourself on his chest.
âride me, baby,â euijoo implores. âplease, need to see you. ride meâ
without as much as a second thought, you lift yourself up before grinding your hips back down. this sends both of you moaning, your nails digging into the fabric of his shirt. you repeat your movement, swiveling your hips just as you remember doing with all those people before, with your exes and flings, desperate to impress them despite them leaving you disappointed time and time again.
but you know euijoo would never disappoint you.
euijoo grunts beneath you, praise coming out in ragged breaths. his voice pitches higher whenever you clench around him and you make it a point to drag this sound out of him with every chance you get.
âyouâre so fucking good at this,â euijoo declares, his hands moving up to grip at your waist as you lean over him.
âyeah, baby, use me. get yourself off.â
âah!â you whimper, hips slamming down against his as you desperately chase your fourth orgasm of the night. thanks to your other housemates, the sensitivity between your legs is at an all-time high, easier for you to coax yourself closer to your release.Â
you can vaguely hear both jaehyun and jungwon behind you, panting and for sure jerking off to the sight of you riding euijoo, and you wonder rather hopefully if perhaps theyâd like to join in.
you feel your knees start to burn against the carpet, despite its soft material. your thighs also ache, but the promise of another earth-shattering orgasm looms over you.Â
âneed me to take over?â euijoo asks between labored breaths. you nod hurriedly and euijoo grins.
âi got you,â he says, and before you know it, youâre being pushed onto your back, a momentary dizziness overcoming you as euijoo wrangles you into a different position.
but before you could get comfortable, euijooâs firm hands grip your hips, twisting you around and onto your front. a gasp catches in your throat as you scramble to maneuver yourself properly onto your chest.
euijoo presses your upper back down, forcing you onto the ground, while his other hand hauls your lower half up.Â
âyou wanted to see them, right?â euijoo croons smoothly as he runs his hands up your back. you feel him poke against your entrance.
you glance up at jaehyun and jungwon, the former now sprawled on the couch, his hand furiously fisting his length, while the latter is eyeing you ravenously, your underwear still clutched tightly in his hand as he fucks into the soiled material.Â
euijoo takes hold of your hips and slides right back in. you whimper as your arms attempt to hold your body up, but to no avail. your elbows buckle and you have no choice but to arch even deeper as you bear your weight on your forearms.
âthatâs right,â euijoo pants. âlook so pretty like this, all bent over for me.â
âfuuuck,â jaehyun drawls, throwing his head back as his hand moves impossibly fast.
euijoo chuckles. âand for them.â
you keep your eyes trained forward, watching your roommates completely lose themselves to the scene in front of them: you getting fucked to oblivion by who you thought was your most respectful roommate.
absolutely nothing is respectful about the way euijoo is drilling into you now.
you feel the telltale coil tighten in your belly and you cry out as euijoo slams in particularly hard.Â
âi-iâm close,â you warn, head falling and hanging uselessly between your shoulders.Â
your whole body is jostled with how rough euijoo is fucking you, and you can feel the desperation radiating off him; the need to get you there and the desire to be right there with you.
âeuijoo, please, please, please,â you repeat, like a litany only meant for the filthiest of ears to hear.Â
âcome on, sweetheart,â euijoo urges, hands clamping down impossibly hard at your waist.Â
âlet go for us. you can let go for us.â
a strangled cry erupts straight from your chest as your orgasm hurtles into you. youâre sobbing into the carpet now, hiccupping and mewling like a hurt kitten as wave after wave of pleasure slams through you.Â
euijoo keens as his own release comes upon him, spilling his loud into you and on your ass and back as he jerks himself off the rest of the way.
your arms tremble, body collapsing as the last dregs of your euphoria seep out. you lay on your side, hair a mess, and breathing ragged.
your roommates' muffled voices and footsteps drift around you, but you donât hear much at first, too spent with everything thatâs transpired. eventually, you push yourself up to survey your surroundings.Â
jaehyun catches your eye just as heâs walking into the living room with a bottle of water. he looks disheveled, but the bulge in his pants is gone now, though his lower lip is still swollen from what you assume is him chewing relentlessly at it. a cool sensation presses against your back as someone wipes away at your skin.Â
âi made a mess. sorry,â euijoo apologizes from behind you and you startle, head whipping around. he grins sheepishly at you as he leans in to kiss you briefly.Â
âturn around, please. let me clean you up.â
you donât have to be told twice.Â
jaehyun leaves the water in front of you and jungwon reappears a second later with a bundle of clothing in his hands. you realize quite belatedly that itâs a fresh pair of underwear and shorts of yours.
âyou okay?â jungwon asks, placing the clothes gently into your hands.Â
you giggle, leaning up to capture his lips in yours.Â
KRAZY RICH KOREANS a ìì ì, ìŽíŹìč, ë°ì±í fanfiction
chapter 001 - RINGSIDE | 4.5k words
featuring; yangjungwon x leeheeseung x parksunghoon x female!reader
warnings! implied sex, making out, kissing, smoking weed, alcohol consumption, complicated relationships, attachment issues, power imbalance undertones, possessive behaviour, tension, male gaze
previous | masterlist | next
YOU
You hear him in the shower.
The particular sound of Sunghoon being somewhere â running water, a cupboard closing, the low hum of something he doesnât know heâs doing. You lie in his sheets and listen to it and look at the ceiling and feel the morning come in through the gap in the blackout curtains, one thin line of Seoul light cutting across the room like it has somewhere to be.
His bedroom is the same as it always is. Dark wood, cream sheets, the specific order of a person who grew up with staff and absorbed their standards without noticing. Everything in its place. Everything expensive without announcing it.
A half-empty glass of water on his side of the bed that wasnât there when you arrived last night, which means he woke at some point and you didnât. You are usually a light sleeper. You are not, apparently, a light sleeper with Sunghoon, which is the kind of information you do not examine.
You stretch, slowly, feel last night in the length of your body. Your mouth is dry. Your hair is in a state. You reach for his water glass and drink half of it and put it back and lie there in your lingerie in his silk sheets in his expensive dark bedroom and feel, in the specific private way you allow yourself before the day requires anything, completely fine.
Not happy. Not unhappy. Fine, which is its own category. Sunghoon is its own category.
He comes out of the bathroom in a towel, hair damp, already looking like a man with somewhere to be. He stops when he sees you and something in his expression does the thing it always does â moves through several things quickly before landing on the one he decides to show you.
âYouâre awake,â he says.
âObservant,â you say.
He crosses to the wardrobe. Opens it with the efficiency of someone running a familiar routine. Pulls out a shirt, considers it, puts it back. The towel sits low on his hips in a way that is entirely unfair at this hour. âI have a meeting at nine,â he says.
âI know.â
âItâs eight fifteen.
âI know,â you say again. You sit up. The sheet pools at your waist and his back is to you and then it isnât because heâs turned around with the shirt in his hand and his eyes go to you and stay there and the meeting is, briefly, theoretical.
âFuck,â he says, with some feeling.
âYou look good too,â you say.
He laughs short. Crosses to the bed and stands over you and you tip your chin up and he kisses you in the way that belongs to mornings â slower than last night, less urgent, the familiar unhurried rhythm of two people who know exactly what this is. His hand finds your jaw. His thumb traces your lower lip when he pulls back and he looks at you for a moment in a way you donât examine either.
âTonight?â He says.
âTonightâs the gala.â
âAfter the gala then.â
You slide your hand into the front of his shirt where he hasnât done the buttons yet, feeling his muscles convulse and an intake of breath and smile against his mouth. âMaybe,â you say, and slip your tongue in before he can respond, you feel him make a sound low in his throat that means his meeting is going to be something he deals with rather than something he arrives to correctly.
You pull back. He looks at you. âThatâs not fair,â he says.
âI know,â you say, and reach for your dress from last night where itâs folded over the chair. Because you always fold it. Because some habits are about maintaining the evidence of who you are even in the rooms where no oneâs watching.
He watches you dress. Doesnât say anything. The particular quality of his watching is something you know and donât discuss.
âDriverâs coming at eight thirty,â he says eventually, doing his cufflinks.
âI know.â
âYou always know everything,â he says. Not a complaint. Just an observation, the way Sunghoon delivers most things about you â like heâs still making sense of them.
You pick up your bag, find your sunglasses, stand in front of his mirror to fix what can be fixed. He appears behind you in the reflection. Taller. The shirt finally done. He looks at you in the mirror the way he sometimes looks at you and you let him do it for one second before you look away.
âTonight,â he says again, to the back of your head.
âWeâll see,â you say, and leave.
The car smells like leather and air conditioning and the very particular neutrality of a space that belongs to no one. Your driver, Mr. Oh, has been with your family for eleven years. He does not ask questions. He does not comment on timing. He says âgood morning, Miss Shimâ and pulls into traffic and you sit in the back with your sunglasses on and watch Seoul do its Saturday morning thing.
You like the city like this. Before the full performance of it kicks in. Families outside convenience stores, someone walking a dog that is too big for its owner, a street vendor setting up for the day with the slow deliberate movements of someone who has done it ten thousand times. The city doesnât care who you are at this hour. Itâs just a city.
You take out your phone. Jake has texted at seven forty-three: you coming home first or straight to the venue
You type back: home first. donât do anything stupid before I get there.
His response is immediate: too late but itâs fine
You close your eyes behind your sunglasses. âMr. Oh,â you say. âCan we stop at the GS25 on Dosan-daero?â
âOf course, Miss Shim.â
You buy two coffees and a bottle of water and get back in the car. You drink one coffee on the way home. The other you leave in the cupholder for whoever needs it at the house.
Home is a house in Hannam-dong that your father bought the year you were born and has never considered replacing because he is not a man who replaces things. It is large without being ostentatious, which is its own kind of statement. The garden is kept by a man named Seo who arrives every Tuesday and treats the plants with a seriousness that you respect. The inside is the inside you have always known â the particular smell of it, the weight of the ceilings, the way the morning light moves through the east-facing windows in the main hall.
Your father is in the study when you come in. You can hear the meeting before you reach the door â low voices, the specific register of men talking about money. You straighten without thinking. Put your sunglasses on top of your head. Push the door.
âGood morning,â you say.
Your father looks up. âSweetheart.â The word lands the way it always lands â warm and complete, like you are still the thing he organised his world around. Which you are. Which is its own complicated thing.
There are four men at the table. You know two of them. The other two you assess in the second it takes to cross the room to your fatherâs side â ages, posture, the way their eyes move when you walk in. They move the way menâs eyes always move when you walk into a room, which is to say immediately and with a kind of hunger they have not been asked to manage. You let it happen. You have been letting it happen since you were seventeen and your father first brought you into rooms like this and you understood, without being told, what your presence was doing and what it was for.
You relish it. You would not say this out loud. You relish the specific power of being looked at like that by men who have power of their own and losing it, briefly, to you. It is not a comfortable thing to admit about yourself and it is true.
You kiss your fatherâs cheek. He puts a hand briefly over yours on his shoulder.
âWeâre almost done here,â he says. âForty minutes.â
âTake your time,â you say. You smile at the room. The room responds. You leave.
Upstairs you shower for a long time. Let the water run hot enough to matter. You stand in it and think about nothing in particular, which is the thing showers are for â the specific permission to be empty for ten minutes before the day requires you to be full again.
You wash your hair. You condition it. You do all the things your body requires with the automatic efficiency of someone who has been maintaining themselves at this level for long enough that it no longer feels like effort. It just is. The serum and the moisturiser and the way you wrap your hair before you dry it and the specific order of everything that adds up to the version of you the world receives.
By the time youâre done the meeting downstairs has ended. You can tell from the quality of the houseâs silence. Your fatherâs study silence and his post-meeting silence are different things and you have lived with both long enough to know them.
Youâre at your vanity in your robe, doing your base, when you hear Jake.
Specifically, you hear Jake trying to be quiet, which is always louder than Jake being loud. The particular careful placing of feet on stairs that indicates someone who doesnât want to be heard and lacks the coordination for it.
You go to your door. Open it. He is on the stairs, shoes in hand, jacket over his arm, with the specific expression of a man who knows exactly how he looks and has made peace with it. You stare at him. He stares back.
âIâm fine,â he says.
âYouâre drunk,â you say.
âIâm finely drunk.â
âItâs ten in the morning, Jake.â
âItâs been a long night.â He attempts the next step and misjudges it slightly. You cross the landing and take his arm and he lets you redirect him upstairs without ceremony, which is how you know heâs drunker than heâs performing.
âIsnât Sunghoon with you?â You say.
âHe had a meeting.â A pause. âHe said to tell youââ He stops. Recalibrates. âActually he didnât say anything. I made that up.â
âObviously.â
You get him to his room. He sits on the edge of his bed and looks up at you with the particular expression he gets when heâs drunk enough to be honest â less of the performance, more of the actual face underneath. You have always loved this face more than the other one. Not because itâs sad, though sometimes it is, but because itâs him.
âThe galaâs tonight,â you say.
âI know.â
âAppa canât see you like this.â
âI know.â He lies back on the bed still in his jacket. âIâll be fine by seven.â
âYouâll sleep until six and be rushing at six forty-five.â
âThatâs fine.â
âJake.â
âThatâs fine,â he says again, softer. His eyes are already closing. You stand there for a moment looking at him â your brother, who is sometimes a disaster and always yours.
You pull his jacket off. He helps without waking up properly. You hang it over the chair.
âWater,â you say, putting a glass on his nightstand. âTylenol. Donât sleep past six.â
âLove you,â he says, into his pillow.
âIdiot,â you say. Which means the same thing.
He is, in fact, up by five-thirty though.
Youâre finishing your makeup when he knocks on your door, already showered, already more or less assembled, holding two cigarettes and the expression of a man who has physically reset himself through force of will and is unreasonably proud of it.
âReady,â he says.
âYou were asleep three hours ago.â
âIâm a professional.â He holds out a cigarette. You take it. He lights both and sits on your window ledge while you finish your liner in the mirror.
This is its own ritual. Older than any other ritual you have with anyone. Jake on a window ledge, you at a mirror, cigarette smoke in the air between you. It started on the fire escape of your first apartment when you were teenagers, snuck out past midnight because the house was too full of what it was and you both needed somewhere to breathe. You have been doing versions of it since. Different windows. Same smoke. Same particular silence that is the only silence either of you fully trusts.
âHow was last night,â you say.
âFine. How was yours.â
You look at him in the mirror. He is looking out the window with the expression of someone who has decided to ask a question and decided not to. You have catalogued this expression for years.
âFine,â you say.
He nods. Takes a long drag. âThe new fighterâs going to be there tonight,â he says. âThe one from the underground. Appaâs been talking about him.â
âI know.â
âHavenât met him yet.â
âNeither have I.â
Jake looks at you then, briefly, with something in his face that is gone before you can classify it. âShould be interesting,â he says.
You finish your liner. Look at yourself in the full mirror. The dress is dark and the earrings are right and you look exactly like what you are â which is the point. You always look exactly like what you are. The art is in controlling what that means.
âReady,â you say.
The press is outside the venue on Teheran-ro, which you expected and which Jake expected and which neither of you commented on during the car ride because it is so constant a feature of your lives that commenting on it would be like commenting on traffic. It simply is.
You rode from the house together in the back of the car sharing a second cigarette with the windows cracked and Jake playing something from his phone too loud and you watching the city go past and feeling the shift happen in you that always happens on the way to these things â the settling into the version of yourself the room requires, the quiet closing of the door on everything else.
The cameras start before youâre fully out of the car. Jake goes first, easy, comfortable, the full wattage of his smile deployed with the practiced fluency of someone born knowing how to be photographed. He turns back and offers his hand and you take it and step out.
The lights. The sound of your names. The specific sensation of being looked at by a lens, which is different from being looked at by a person and which you have never fully explained to anyone who hasnât experienced it. You smile. Jake squeezes your hand once. You both look forward.
Inside, the venue is what the venue always is â a controlled version of excess, glamour managed to the point where it stops being glamour and becomes something colder and more permanent. You know this room. You know most of the people in it. You navigate it the way you navigate all rooms of this type â with ease that is not performed but is also not effortless, because nothing about this is effortless, it is just practiced past the point of visible effort.
Jake is already scanning. It takes him approximately ninety seconds to locate three people he wants to talk to, which is normal, and to locate the bar, which is faster. âThereâs Sunghoon,â he says, chin-tilting toward the far side of the room.
You donât look. âGo,â you say. âFind me later.â
âDonât disappear,â he says, which is what he always says, which means Iâll disappear and I need to know where to find you when I need to not be performing anymore.
âI wonât,â you say. Which means I know.
He goes. You turn to the room.
You find Mrs. Park first or well Mrs. Park finds you.
Sunghoonâs mother is a woman who has moved through rooms like this for thirty years and wears the knowledge of it lightly, which is rarer than it should be. She has always liked you. You have always liked her, which is rarer still given the specific category of woman who tends to be warm to you in these rooms.
âDarling,â she says, and you lean in and kiss both cheeks and she smells of the same perfume she has always worn and holds your hands and looks at you. âYou look wonderful.â
âSo do you,â you say, and mean it.
âYour father must be thrilled to have you here.â A pause, the kind that has content in it. âSunghoon told me youâve been well.â
âSunghoon tells you everything,â you say.
She laughs, genuine. âHe tells me very little. I read between the lines.â She pats your hand once. âCome find me before the end of the night.â
âI will,â you say. And then Sunghoon materialises at your side with the timing that suggests he has been watching for the moment his mother found you, and he kisses her cheek and she cups his face briefly in both hands the way she has done since he was a child and you watch this and feel something uncomplicated, which is rare enough that you register it.
âMiss Shim,â Sunghoon says, when his mother has been redirected by someone else.
âMr. Park,â you say.
He looks at you in the way he looks at you in public, which is calibrated â interested without being obvious, warm without being readable. He has a champagne glass and he hands it to you and takes another from a passing server and you stand together in the way you stand together in these rooms, which is close enough to be something and deniable enough to be nothing.
âYou lookââ he starts.
âDonât,â you say.
He smiles instead. Looks out at the room. âJake made it I see,â he says.
âBarely.â
âI know. I dropped him at the house.â
âYou should have put him to bed.â
âHe wouldnât have gone.â He glances at you sideways. âHeâs fine now though.â
âHeâs always fine.â
âHe is.â Sunghoon says it with a certainty that is one of the things you donât think about â the way he knows your brother, the years of it, the specific fluency of two people who have been in each otherâs lives long enough to stop needing to explain. It is one of the things that makes this whole arrangement what it is. Sunghoon is already inside the wall. He got there through Jake. What he does with that proximity is something you manage but did not design.
âThereâs someone you should see,â he says. He nods, subtle, toward the far side of the lobby. âYour fatherâs new one. Heâs been standing at that wall for twenty minutes.â
You follow his eyeline. The boy at the wall is â not what you expected.
You donât know what you expected. Your father had said young, had said underground, had said the kind of natural you only see twice in a career. You had processed this as information. You had not processed it as the specific image of a man in a suit that fits him like it was built for him standing alone at the edge of a room full of people who have been in rooms like this their whole lives, completely still, looking at everything and showing nothing.
He is beautiful in a way that is almost aggressive. Not the manicured kind that fills these rooms. Something rawer and less apologetic. He is holding a champagne glass he has not touched. He has the eyes of someone who is cataloguing everything around him with a precision that most people in this room would find unsettling if they were paying attention, which they arenât, because he is new and unproven and this room hasnât decided what he is yet.
You have already decided. âIâll go say hello,â you say.
Sunghoon looks at you. âHeâs your fatherâs boxer,â he says.
âI know who he is.â
A pause. âOf course you do,â Sunghoon says, which sounds like one thing and might be another.
You hand him your champagne and cross the
He sees you coming. You can tell â his eyes track you in the last ten feet with the same precision they were tracking everything else, but they donât move on. You stop in front of him and look at him properly, unhurried, because you have never learned to want things quietly either, you just have better reasons to hide it.
âYou must be the new one,â you say.
He is looking at you with an expression you cannot immediately classify, which is unusual. Most menâs expressions when you approach them are readable. His is doing several things simultaneously and landing on none of them.
âMy fatherâs new investment,â you continue. âThe one from the underground.â You look him over once. âYouâre younger than I expected.â
âYouâreââ he starts.
âHis daughter.â You say it before he can say whatever he was going to say, because controlling the terms of a conversation from the first sentence is something you do without thinking. âDonât look so surprised. He has one.â
âI wasnât going to say surprised,â he says.
His voice is even. Low without performing low. He is not rattled, which most people are when you approach them like this. He is just â present. Looking at you with those still eyes like he is solving something.
âWhat were you going to say?â you ask.
âI donât know yet,â he says.
You look at him for a moment. Something moves in your chest, small and unauthorised. âCareful,â you say. âThis room eats people like you.â
âWhat kind of people.â
âHonest ones.â
Sunghoonâs hand finds the small of your back. Easy, familiar, the weight of him behind you. You feel Jungwonâs eyes track it â not obviously, but you see it, because you are always watching for the thing people are trying not to show.
âWhoâs this?â Sunghoon says.
âFatherâs boxer,â you say. âThe new one.â
They shake hands. You watch Jungwon during it â the way he meets Sunghoonâs grip without performing, without the subtle aggression that men sometimes deploy in handshakes to establish something. He is just â level. It is interesting.
âFirst time at one of these?â Sunghoon asks.
âYes,â Jungwon says.
âYouâre doing well. Youâve got the face right. Most people look terrified.â
âAnd you?â Jungwon says. âYou always look like this?â
Sunghoon blinks. Laughs, real. âYeah,â he says. âUnfortunately.â
Something passes across Jungwonâs face that is almost amusement. Not quite. The almost version, which is more interesting. You watch him recalibrate his read on Sunghoon and file it away and you think, without meaning to, that this one is going to be something.
Sunghoonâs hand at your back redirects you gently. Thereâs someone across the room he needs to talk to. You let him move you because that is how this works in public and because you have already gotten what you came for.
You look back once. Jungwon is looking at you. You look away first. You donât entirely know why.
The gala proper is upstairs and it is everything these things always are â a chandelier-lit performance of an industry that is publicly about sport and privately about power and the difference between the two has always been smaller than anyone announces. You know this room and you move through it the way water moves, finding every gap, reading every current.
Your father is at the centre of it. He always is. Shim Daejung in a room full of people who owe him something or want something from him or both â you have watched this your entire life, the specific gravity of him, the way conversations orient. He sees you across the room and the particular warmth that crosses his face when he does is the most unperformed thing about him and you love him for it without condition even as you know exactly what you are to him in this room.
You do the things you are here to do.
You talk to the chairman of the sponsorship board for eleven minutes and leave him wanting to extend the contract. You talk to the wife of a rival promoter for seven minutes and learn three things about the rival promoterâs current situation that your father will find useful. You drink half a glass of champagne and leave the other half at a table and take a fresh glass when the waiter passes because arriving at these things with a full glass signals that you havenât been working the room and you have always been working the room.
You find Jake by the second hour. He is leaning against a pillar talking to a woman you donât know who is looking at him like he is the most interesting thing in the room, which is an effect Jake produces without effort and which he is absolutely using while pretending not to.
âHaving fun?â you say, arriving at his shoulder.
âAlways,â he says. The woman excuses herself, sensing sibling energy, which is correct. Jake watches her go with appreciation and then turns to you with his actual face.
âHowâs the room,â he says.
âManageable. Matsudaâs CFO is here, which is new.â
âAppa know?â
âAppa sent him.â
Jake processes this. âChess,â he says.
âChess,â you agree.
He reaches over and straightens your earring without asking, which is a Jake thing â the small automatic gestures of someone who has been aware of you his whole life. âYou talked to the new fighter?â he says.
âBriefly. In the lobby.â
âAnd?â
You look at the room. At the specific geography of it, where everyone is positioned, the distances between things. Somewhere in it Jungwon is being introduced to people by your father, being brought into the architecture of the world he signed his name into three days ago. âHeâs interesting,â you say.
Jake looks at you sideways. You feel it without turning your head. âInteresting,â he says.
âDonât,â you say.
âI didnât say anything.â
âYou were about to.â
He takes a sip of whatever heâs drinking and looks at the room with the expression of a man choosing, consciously, to leave something alone. âSure,â he says. Which means he is filing it and will return to it.
You look at the room.
Across it, through the gap between two conversations, you find Jungwon without looking for him. He is with your father and two men you recognise from the eastern promotions circuit, standing with that same quality of stillness, listening more than he speaks. Your father says something and the men laugh and Jungwonâs mouth moves in a way that might be a smile.
He looks up. Across the room, through the noise and the chandeliers and the specific atmosphere of an industry built on money and men hitting each other for it, he looks directly at you.
Like he knew where you were.
You look away first. Again.
You take a sip of champagne and say something to Jake about the Matsuda situation and feel, in the very back of your chest where you keep the things you donât examine, something small and unauthorised and entirely inconvenient settle in like it has found somewhere to stay.
You donât look back.
A/N: chapter two <3 everyone in this fic is a little bit insane unfortunately reader and sunghoon and jungwon is trying his best but he walked into the worst family in seoul so prayers for him honestly. thank u for reading already :)
đ”â§âË âroommates!enhypen ot7 x female reader àȘâ⎠đŐtextsŐ𩯠.á ăa single dress has the boys on their kneesă part á¶ á”á”Êł, Ëąâ±ËŁ
đđ might be a little self indulgent with this one⊠sorry! (iâve been caving for so long omg i need to touch grass) XâĄXâĄ, romi â.àłàż*:
A few months ago, you got accepted into the university you had always dreamed of. The campus is hours away from your hometown, which means you have to move.
When you applied for the dorms, they were already full and the waiting list was huge. To make things worse, all the apartments nearby were ridiculously expensive, way beyond what you could afford.
Your older brother, Jake, suggested that you share an apartment with his two best friends, Riki and Sunghoon. Their apartment has three bedrooms and is just a few minutes walk from campus. Jake told you that Heeseung, the friend who used to occupy the third room, had graduated last semester, so the room was now empty.
Splitting the rent between three people would be much cheaper than anywhere else you could find. Still, you hesitated. Riki and Sunghoon have been Jakeâs best friends since high school, and youâve known them for years, but living with them felt strange â too intimate. At the same time, it was an excellent opportunity.
In the end, you had no other choice but to accept. A few weeks later, you packed your things and moved into your brotherâs best friendsâ apartment.
âââ
You slam the door behind you harder than necessary, taking out your frustration and exhaustion on the poor door. Riki looks up at you from the couch with that usual smirk.
"Rough day?" he asks, patting the empty space beside him. "Come here."
You drop your bag on the living room floor, kick off your shoes, and walk slowly toward him. "Yeah⊠rough day. I hate being me sometimes."
He turns to look at you properly. "You look fucking exhausted." Itâs obvious from your tired expression, heavy eyelids, and tense body. Anyone could tell your day had been hell.
His other hand rests on your warm, soft thigh, exposed by your tiny skirt. It doesnât take long for him to slide it higher, carefully moving between your legs.
"Sunghoon isnât homeâŠ" he murmurs, leaning closer. "Let me help you relax."
"RikiâŠ" Your voice falters as your body already reacts to his touch. "We shouldnât do this without him. You know about our agreement."
He laughs at your weak excuse. "Thatâs bullshit and we both know it." His hand moves up to gently cup your jaw. "Come on, I just want to help you. Whatâs wrong with that?"
Your mouth opens, ready to give another excuse, but no words come out. Rikiâs smile widens. Unable to wait any longer, he crashes his lips against yours in a hungry kiss.
His hands grab your hips, pulling you onto his lap. You let out a small sigh but donât hesitate. You straddle him, knees on either side of his hips. The kiss grows messier by the second, wet tongues moving in a chaotic rhythm.
"Fuck, you taste so good," he groans into the kiss, pulling your skirt up until the fabric bunches around your waist. You understand what he wants and start grinding slowly against his growing erection.
His hand slides down to grab your ass, squeezing it while helping you roll your hips. The friction makes his cock throb inside his sweatpants. He leaves a trail of kisses down your neck and smirks when your head falls back, giving him more access. "Thatâs it, baby. Iâm gonna make you feel good. You just need to relax for me, okay?"
Suddenly, he flips you over. Your back hits the couch and he hovers above you, settling between your legs. He quickly grabs the waistband of your panties and pulls them down, tossing them somewhere in the living room. "Look at this perfect pussy, already dripping for me."
His thumb slides over your folds, moving up and down between your swollen lips, spreading your wetness. With his other hand, he pushes his sweatpants and boxers down just enough to free himself. His cock is rock hard and leaking precum. "Iâm gonna fuck all that frustration out of you, baby."
He wraps his fingers around his length, stroking a few times before slapping it against your wet pussy, making you gasp and shiver. "Ahâ oh my God."
He does it again, slapping his cock against your soaked folds and then against your swollen clit just because he enjoys your reaction. "Itâs embarrassing how wet you are just from this."
Without warning, he pushes inside you slowly, watching the way your pussy stretches to take him. When he finally bottoms out, your walls clench around him like his cock is your salvation.
Your hands grab his back as you moan and whimper with every inch that enters you.
"Taking me so well⊠You were made for my cock, baby." He stays still for a few seconds, letting you adjust to his massive length.
Then, agonizingly slow, because he knows it drives you crazy, he pulls out almost completely before slamming back in hard, making your back arch and knocking the air out of your lungs.
Laughing mockingly, he does it again, pull out until only the tip is inside, then thrust back in brutally. The impact sinks your body deeper into the couch and a broken moan tears from your throat. "Oh myâ fuck, Riki."
His cock twitches inside you when he hears you moan. "You love this. You love how I fill you up to the brim." He picks up the pace, fucking you fast and hard, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing through the room. "You feel that? Iâm so deep inside youâŠ"
He makes sure every thrust hits that spot inside you that makes you scream and scratch his back. "You sound so good like this."
His hands roam your body. One grips your hip to hold you in place while the other slips under your tank top to play with your sensitive nipple, pinching and rolling the hard peak.
At this point, you can barely think straight. All you can do is moan, your legs shaking uncontrollably as the pressure builds intensely in your core. He hooks one of your knees higher, allowing him to go even deeper.
"Iâm gonna cum, Iâm so close." Your walls flutter and tighten around him, your toes curling. He laughs, mocking how broken you look. "Then cum for me. Let me feel how much your pussy loves getting fucked like a slut."
Pleasure hits its peak and you cum with a loud moan, your whole body shaking beneath him. Your pussy pulses and squeezes his cock, but he doesnât stop thrusting, fucking you through your orgasm as he chases his own.
He only slows down when his own orgasm hits. With one final deep thrust, he cums inside you, filling you with his hot load while groaning your name. "Take it, every drop."
He stays buried inside you to make sure you take it all, then slowly pulls out, collapsing beside you on the couch. Both of you are clearly wrecked. You can feel his cum leaking out of you as aftershocks run through your body.
The sound of the front door unlocking makes you turn your head quickly. Sunghoon is standing in the doorway. Everything goes silent as he stares at you and Riki, both still breathless. The air smells like sweat and sex â itâs obvious what happened.
Without saying a word, he closes the door behind him. The click of the lock sounds louder than ever. His expression remains neutral, showing no sign of shock or anger. "My room. Now," he says, walking past you without another glance.
You hesitate, but soon follow him on shaky legs. Sunghoon is already sitting on the edge of the bed, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, looking perfectly calm. You carefully close the bedroom door. Just as youâre about to turn to him, his voice cuts through the silence. "Lock it."
Swallowing hard, you obey and lock the door, then walk slowly until youâre standing between his legs. "Hoon, weâ"
He cuts you off with a dry, humorless laugh. "You couldnât wait, huh? You are such a greedy desperate slut for cock that you could not even wait for me huh?"
You open your mouth to respond, but once again nothing comes out because you have no excuse. You nod slightly. "Use your fucking words."
"I am. Iâm a greedy slut desperate for cock." Your voice is low and shaky.
He grabs your chin firmly, forcing you to look him in the eyes. "We had a clear agreement that no one gets to fuck you alone, only when all three of us are together."
Your face burns with both shame and arousal. "It wasnât exactly like that⊠I was really tired and Riki was just trying to help me relax."
He raises one thick eyebrow, clearly not believing you. "So he was just being a good friend, huh? By burying his cock deep inside you to help you relax."
Without waiting for an answer, he slides his hand under your skirt and runs his fingers over your folds, feeling how wet and swollen you still are. "Your pussy is still dripping with his cum." Two fingers slip inside you without warning. "How many times did he make you cum, hm?"
Your legs tremble and you hold onto his shoulders to stay standing. "Once⊠just once, Hoon."
"Just once?" He mocks, adding a third finger, pumping slowly and curling them against that sensitive spot that always makes you squirm. "Iâm gonna make you cum so many times that youâll never want to break the rules again in your life."
He suddenly pulls his fingers out and gives your pussy a firm slap, hitting your clit and sending a wave of pleasure mixed with a little pain through your body. "Hoon, Iâm sorry. I promise it wonât happen again," you beg in a whiny voice.
"Get on the bed. Now." You donât hesitate to obey, lying on your back with your legs spread wide for him. "Good girl," he praises as he removes his pants and boxers, finally freeing his throbbing cock.
He positions himself between your legs, stroking himself while looking at your swollen pussy still clenching around nothing, begging for more. "So fucking needy." He thrusts into you in one go, not giving you time to adjust to his length.
You let out a loud moan, arching your back off the bed. The stretch burns in the most delicious and overwhelming way, making you writhe beneath him.
His pace is brutally fast, merciless thrusts that reach deep inside you. With one hand he grips your hip while the other presses down on your stomach so he can feel the shape of his cock moving inside you. "Fuck, look at that." He presses harder. "Taking me so deep."
His thumb finds your clit and rubs it in fast circles just to watch you tremble and make those sounds he loves. "Gonna cum? Do it. Cum on my cock."
As if you were only waiting for his permission, you cum hard, creaming around his cock while he keeps fucking you. Your walls squeeze him tightly, making him groan and slam into you messily.
He buries himself to the hilt and cums hard, his cock twitching with every spurt as he fills you up. Your pussy overflows with his load.
Suddenly he laughs mockingly and grabs your cheeks, squeezing them just enough for you to feel it. "I wonder what Jake would think of this⊠what he would do if he knew his little sister gets her pussy fucked by his best friends every single day in every room of this apartment."
âââ
NOTE : english is not my first language! I thought about writing a threesome scene, but I wasn't happy with the result, so I will try again another time
.⊠ĘËììœ heesungâs solo career has allowed him to explore different sides of his art, especially a collaboration with you, and to film a music video that - letâs say - shocks the whole fandom, and you both.
warnings â„ sexual tension, smut , cursing, slow burn (?) long ahhh plot sorry not sorry, they kinda hate each other, theyâre awkward and annoyed by each other., soft-dom hee, brat tamer (? sort of) and more. just trust.
reference : feeling lucky - bibi & jackson wang mv
âthereâs not gonna be any chemistry, heâs not even my typeâ,
Is what you wouldâve said if you were blind, and deaf, and mute.
Which -last time you checked- was definitely not true.
Cause you were pretty sure that, from where you stood, you could see lee heesung chewing the soft part of his magic erasable-ink pen.
You could hear the way his chair constantly dragged against the expensive floor of the studio each time he moved to talk to the producer, and unfortunately, a barrier of speech didnât stop you from saying dumb thing after dumb thing.
And letâs face it, heesung who had originally settled for a polite and respectful smile, couldnât help the chuckles that left his mouth.
Oh he was mocking you, not in an endearing âoh sheâs so sillyâ heart face emoji way, but more like âwhatâs wrong with this girlâ.
Which was fine by you, as long as it didnât impact the project.
Everyone who said artists didnât choose the songs they sung was right.
Cause honestly, if youâd had a choice, you would be singing about burgers and tomodachi life, not about something you knew entirely nothing about. here being : kissing and tension.
It was safe to say you knew fuck all about that. Your manager had reassured you youâd be great at pretending, like youâd done so many times -master of illusions- singing songs about being in love and late night dates, as if that was your routine.
So instead of sulking, you sat at the studio, recording the back vocals with a very quiet Lee Heesung, stuffing your face with green grapes like you were physically restraining yourself from speaking.
The talk about chemistry had been essential throughout this whole project, Heesung recently having debuted as a solo artist, his company was under a lot of backlash for separating him from enhypen -his original group- and he was on steep ground, venturing in a more mature form of expression. It differed a lot from his previous works, certainly, but in all of this, the song in itself wasnât the big risk. The song -albeit pretty explicit- was reasonably catchy, your voices harmonizing perfectly, yours raspy and his clear and powerful; demanded a music video worthy of the performance.
From a meeting with creative directors and visual directors, was born the risky idea. For weeks, theyâd talked about moodboards, concept ideas, and most importantly, the stakes.
Which were honestly -on a scale of 1 to 10- at a high 30.
As idols, you both knew it, and the team knew too, Heesung was highly sought out letâs say, he had a whole fandom of deranged fans and an extensive collection of saesangs ready to physically fight if there was an ounce of doubt about his relationships.
You, not so much, your fans were mostly girls, supportive, never intrusive, you were already pretty liberated as an artist, escaping koreaâs norms, but, who could guarantee this wouldnât cause your downfall.
Youâd seen before what raging fans could do to other idols, and you werent sure if youâre ready to ever experience that first hand. Youâd already went through storyboards, having to give your written agreement on paper, it wasnât a crazy music video per-say, from your âwestern musicâ point of view, but you couldnât deny that having Lee Heesung -who wasnât allowed so much as talking about women- to lipsync the whole song face to face with 2 inches separating your lips, was going to be tricky.
âAre you gonna record or should i just do your part?â
That was enough to cut your train of thoughts. Looking up, your eyes met a serious Heesung. one of his eyebrows was raised, chair turned towards you as he tapped that stupid pen on the portable fan set on the table. You gave him a fake smile, a little annoyed on the edges.
Itâs not that he was mean, he wasnât, but he was impatient and way too serious for his own good.
âMy bad my badâ you quickly stood up, waking towards the recording booth -obviously- not forgetting to make something fall from the table on your way.
Heesung watched from the control room as the trinket fell on the floor, focused on setting the expensive headphones on his ears without tousling his perfect hair.
You picked it up, mumbling a quick apology, adjusted yours, long hair tangling with it, and you waited for your cue.
âalright lets punch in from the pre-chorus. relax your jawâ the engineer said.
You leaned into the mic, fingers mindlessly tapping against your sides, and with breathy vocals, you starting recording back vocals, the track resonating in your ears.
âsomething about the way that it tastes, youâre running your mouth in dangerous wayâ
Okay maybe the lyrics sounded less sensual on paper.
You harmonized with your own voice, eyes closed, entirely focused now. âgive it more attitude, i wanna hear more rasp and more desire.â the producerâs voice crackled through the talkback.
âwhat the fuck is he even talking aboutâ you asked yourself.
But fortunately you were good at pretending, pretending like you knew what desire felt like. So you gave it your all, eyes shut like you were picture a tasty burger in front of you, teasing you, dripping with ranch sauce. and the engineer seemed satisfied.
Your eyes crossed with Heesungâs through the glass panel, he looked lost in thought, always professionally oriented, like he genuinely didnât think about anything else other than work and work and⊠work. His hair fell over his forehead, long sleeves bunched at the elbows like it wasnât already excessively cold with the fans.
âCan we comp the first and third takes together?â you heard the engineers talk between them when the metronome stopped.
âThat was good y/n, another one and we should be good for today.â
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
The second you were out of the studio, your earphones were in your ears, drowning out the sounds of seoul behind the buildings while you waited for your taxi in the underground parking.
The air smelled smoke-laced and damp, everything muffled behind the sad emo music you were playing. You tapped your shoe on the ground right above the parking lines as you dug into your purse for your phone.
Of course, you didnât hear someone creep up behind you, and when a hand tapped your shoulder, you jumped, letting your phone drop like you had no spatial awareness whatsoever.
And to makes matters worse, it fell right in a puddle of dirty water. what a fucking good evening.
You spun around, falling face to face with a torso, a male torso. That wasnât a common sight to you, not to digress, but you didnât see a lot of that, like ever.
You tilted your head, and your vision became all lee heesung. in the sense that he took all the space, shoulders broad, towering over you like he was trying to swallow you. You took a step back, slightly tripping on your own foot, and glanced down awkardly at your phone.
But before you could bend down to pick it up, Heesung crouched. You could see the top of his head now, he had pretty thick hair, a good implantation, he probably used expensive hair care and supplements, you thought before he went back up, your phone in hand.
He said something, you watched his mouth move but there was no sound. You suddenly seemed to remember the music in your ears and unplugged your earphones, proceeding to -gloriously- blast music in the parking lot. You muttered a quick sorry before grabbing the phone from his open hand and turning down the volume.
âWhatâd you say?â you asked.
âYouâre clumsy.â he repeated, matter-of-factly.
you couldnât remember one time when heesung had had another expression than neutral, or mocking. you memorized everything and his facial expression book was the shortest ever. other than the occasional chuckle, he didnât do much. he was like a plant now that you thought about it, a tall and judgy plant.
âyou scared me.â you retorted, raising an eyebrow.
heesung inspected your face, and after a beat he said, âthe vending machine gave me two bottles of water.â
you stared at him, frowning, âcongratulations?â
he rolled his eyes, âi was coming to ask if you wanted the other one.â he pulled a water bottle out of his bag.
âwhy not, thanks.â you took of from his hands, nodding curtly before putting it in your own purse.
you turned back around, plugging your earphones again, checking the driverâs itinerary on your app. you could feel his presence behind you, but you remained unbothered, or at least you tried to.
lee heesung was weird to work with, slightly conceited, annoyingly good at what he did, creative but a moron. conclusion? you couldnât make up your mind about him because he was confusing beyond words. he was reserved about what he thought about others, never expressed clear opinions and acted so goddamn unbothered. it made you mad really, cause just when you found him the most exasperating, he had the strange habit to say one good thing that completely altered the way you saw him. like he subconsciously knew your patience gauge was emptying and needed to maintain reputation.
during the few months of recording, writing, arranging, he had been pretty cold, straight to the point, youâd never gotten much out of him, never once had you had a remotely interesting conversation with him. and just when you were beginning to think he was a shallow uninteresting person, he slipped a casual, âi like that song.â while hunched over your phone. like it wasnât the most devastating song you had in your playlist.
you felt him shift behind you the moment a taxi pulled over in the dark parking lot. in a hurry to go home and run a bath, you stepped forward, making sure he knew you claimed it first.
heesung scoffed behind you, adjusting his hood over his hair, having no intentions of stealing your ride, he pretended to dig in his bag for a face mask, but kept stealing glances your direction.
he couldnât quite figure you out, you seemed so different on television, but once again, the media had its way of shaping idols into molds, assuring they were neatly dressed, soft spoken and never -god forbid- never too loud. you werenât weird per say, but you had a form of speech that made it seem like you hadnât seen a social interaction in years, you were unbelievably clumsy, always dropping things and tripping.
you had the presence and the pitch of a renowned artist, your voice was the kind that made him feel things when he listened, you had an almost erotic diction without trying, your rasp making each song properly yours. but god- you were so akward in the booth, eyebrows furrowed, like you didnât know what you were doing there, you looked around like a lost toddler, so fucking clueless.
maybe what intrigued him is that you didnât even try. you knew how to pretend you were anything other than a strange girl, but you never did. everytime heâd talk to you, it was like you genuinely didnât give a shit about what he said, you were only there to sing, create, in and out. it was nice in a way, no useless pleasantries, just professionalism that ended up in -letâs admit it- beautiful music.
the prospect of the music video was where it became tricky for him. he wasnât big on physical touch, became stiff when too close to someone, couldnât even think straight when someone kept eye contact for too long, whether it was his doctor or a staff member.
sure, you were undeniably beautiful, in your own akward way, chewing on strands of your hair when you were concentrated, the many ways your eyes moved made him curious, he could always tell what you were thinking in the ways your eyebrows would curve, like a very telling painting.
where he had a very brief book of facial expression, you had at least 4 volumes.
when you got inside your car, your shoulder peeking out of your zip up hoodie, he averted his gaze, pretending to type a quick message to god knows who. once you were gone, he let out a breath heâd been -for some reason- holding.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
the next weeks were a blur, your days were spent rehearsing for personal projects, nights attending upscale events that were so unnecessarily posh, you didnât see much of lee heesung.
apart from the two times youâd bumped into him in the company building hallways, you hadnât paid him any mind.
showing up for creative meetings, reviewing story boards and concept moodboards while your manager oversaw the schedule, you werenât even surprised anymore when heesung didnât show up, busy with other solo debut stuff.
one day, he finally showed up, heavy eye bags framing his big eyes. clearly overworked, he grabbed a sheet, carefully reading over the different description of shots.
you watched from the corner of your eyes as his nostrils flared at the strong coffee smell, sleeves brushing against story boards and snippets scattered on the conference table. a giant screen reflected still references on his face, blurred silhouettes, mouths inches apart.
the creative director cleared his throat, chair creaking under his weight, meaty fingers steepled.
âokay, so what i was saying is, the song already sounds very intimate. so we didnât want to add a choreography, the tension has to come from restraint.â
you looked at the ceiling, getting distracted by the lighting before the sound of heesungâs pen clacking on the table regained your attention. when you looked down, his eyes were directly on yours, emotionless.
one of the visual directors nodded immediately.
âexactly. if they touch too much too early, it loses impact.â
across the table, the cinematographer flipped through printed frames. âi keep thinking about proximity. faces close enough that the audience feels uncomfortable in the best way.â
âlike theyâre interrupting something private,â another staff member added.
you hummed for the sake of being involved, and someone clicked to the next slide: a close-up mockup of two profiles nearly meeting.
the producer looked towards you, âhow comfortable are you both with physical proximity?â
hah. very good question. that you had no clue how to respond to. surprisingly apart from the occasional proximity with MCs at award shows and your girl friends, you were pretty in the dark about that topic. for a girl who based her concepts on rnb beats and sexy choreographies, you were a whole ass virgin in that category.
so you shrugged, acting unbothered, like being physically close to⊠people, was a routine thing. honestly, the only thing you were close to was a burnout.
âdepends how itâs filmed.â
heesung nodded from the opposite side of the table, âif itâs intentional iâm fine with it.â
âyes, intentional is the keyword.â the creative director repeated. ânothing should feel cheap.â he stood and walked closer to the screen.
âthe entire concept is temptation without payoff. weâre selling the almost.â
a stylist hummed thoughtfully, âso not actual touching?â
the room went quiet for a second, and then the director smiled; ânot necessarily.â
several people immediately started talking over, you could see heesung wiping his glasses, expression undetectable.
the man raised a hand. âlisten, the moment only works if it feels accidental. not scripted. we need viewers questioning wether they were actually going to touch or not. we have to play a bit into the whole fan speculation without crossing a line.â the cinematographer pointed at one of the references, âi want handheld close upsâ he mimicked brackets with his fingers, âlip syncing directly toward each other, almost breathing in each others mouths instead of toward the camera.â
you let out a discreet shaky breath, folding your hands on your lap, cause why did that sound like something that could either ruin both your careers for company profit?
âthereâs one thing we need to avoid,â the director tapped the table lightly, âit cannot look male gaze-y. the sensuality has to feel mutual.â everyone nodded.
âno chasing dynamic.â a staff member added, âno grabbing, etc. thatâs overdone.â
âagreedâ
âso how do we build tension naturally?â someone asked.
the room quieted again and then the director spoke carefully, âeye contact.â people looked towards him and he continued, thoughtful, âreal eye contact is harder to watch than touching. if we hold it too long on cameraâŠâ he gestured vaguely, â⊠people start projecting onto it.â
the meeting ended after discussing beauty shots, and you instantly grabbed your purse, a small bow directed to no one in particular as you left the room with a polite smile. the hallway was empty except for a small group of 2 trainees whose heads lifted immediately as they saw you. they bowed, looking nervously at each other, and you greeted them back with a soft smile.
reaching the elevator, you almost tripped trying to hold the closing doors. you cursed under your breath, you were never gonna beat the weirdo allegations.
but when you looked up, a hand was prying it open for you, and someoneâs chest was entirely too close to your back.
âthat happens too much. you need to do spatial awareness training.â
you turned around, and the voice that seemed lightly inconvenienced, was none other than heesungâs.
âi think ill be fine, thanks for the concern.â you muttered, walking inside the elevator.
you felt him walk right behind you, his overwhelming presence filling the tight space. when you looked at him, the crown of his head was brushing against the elevator ceiling, so much that he had to bend down a little, eyes fixed on the wall ahead.
âyou should really take coordination classes. before you break a bone.â
you rolled your eyes, watching the floor counter impatiently. âwhy donât you- erm⊠worry about your own⊠bones.â you muttered under your breath.
turns out you also struggled with good comebacks. on top of everything else.
âwhat was that?â you could hear the smile in his voice, which immediately triggered one of yours to bloom.
heesung looked at you as the elevator reached the ground floor, and when he saw your small smile and concealed laughter, he thought you were the weirdest person heâd ever talked to.
and this time it was in an endearing way. at last.
truthfully you didnât even know why you were laughing, probably self deprecation, or maybe cause his smile was so annoyingly contagious.
it dawned to you just then how rare the sight of lee heesung smiling was. you had to be the biggest clown in the whole wide world for him to crack one.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
âiâm sure he gives good head.â
eunchae refilled her wine glass, heels digging into the fabric of her expensive sofa.
you sat straighter, raising an eyebrow, âhuh?â
âheesung, iâm sure he gives good head. usually guys that work hard are the biggest munchers.â
there was absolutely no scientific backing to this, eunchae was just drunk and rambling.
you snorted, gesturing to her glass, âyou should quit that before you decide to test that theory.â
eunchae seemed to consider before lifting up her pointy chin, âhow is it anyway, working with him? does he smell good?â
âum, yeah i guess, he smells okayâŠâ you concocted an answer, reaching for some food to stuff your mouth with.
âugh. youâre so lucky. youâre gonna be all close to him and stuffâŠâ eunchae threw her head back against the wall.
âitâs just acting. iâm sure itâs gonna be akward as shit anyway.â you muttered, chewing on a particularly bad piece of hard bread.
eunchae cracked one eye open, looking at you like youâd personally offended her.
âawkward?â she repeated. âyouâre doing a music video with lee heesung. a sensual one too. do you know how many people would kill for that?â
you rolled your eyes automatically, though the mention of the concept made heat creep unpleasantly up your neck. âitâs just close ups and lip syncing. itâs not like weâre gonna making out or something.â
âclose up shots,â eunchae echoed dramatically, pointing at you with her wine glass. âexactly. intense eye contact, heavy breathing. probably one of those scenes where the director goes âcloser⊠closer⊠perfect.â
said like that⊠she wasnât wrong. would heesungâs breath on your mouth bother you? certainly not, youâd dealt with drooling dogs many times, hot breath on your legs and all, surely this would be manageable.
âno because think about it.â your friend sat forward suddenly, now far too invested. âwhat if he smells insanely good and you accidentally fall in love on set?â
âthat doesnât happen.â
âit absolutely does. thatâs like ninety percent of celebrity dating scandals.â
you laughed despite yourself, âyou need to get off social media.â
eunchae almost spilled wine on her brand new sofa while pointing the glass at you, âwell, donât say i didnât warn you, iâll give it a few months.â
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
the more you thought about it, the more you could see why everyone you knew was drawn to heesung. he had good bone structure. that mustâve been the answer. or maybe his nose, he did have a great nose. a good nose.
or as eunchae said, âhe has a rideable noseâ.
and now that he sat right in front of you, you could kinda get the point, not that you knew anything about riding noses.
âokay, heesung lean it a bit more, remember, you two need to look like youâre about to kiss.â
the set was beige, monochromatic, just a light background drop two stools in the middle, where you both sat face to face. the mua had spent hours on your look, because you would be filming close ups, she had to make sure all your pores were -somehow- invisible, sheâd put blush under your eyes, maintaining that glowy dewy effect on your skin. your hair was down, sheâd added extensions that framed your face perfectly and glitter in the inner corner of your eyes. as for the stylist? it was quick, a beige cotton top and a skirt, and you had been out.
heesung was dressed in the same color palette, his hair slightly tousled for effect, youâd seen him for the first time when he walked on the set, a coffee in his hand, confidence and professionalism emanating from his stance. he acted so indifferent, so natural, like heâd done this millions of times, and when heâd sat down in front of you, listening to the choreographerâs instructions, his eyes hadnât left yours.
and still now, he was deep in character, staring at you, relaxing his tensed jawline, while you both repeated a breathing excercise. his gaze turned physical, like he had little needles instead of eyes, poking into you every chance he got.
âgood, are you guys ready?â
you nodded mindlessly, repeating every micro actions you had to perform, in your head. heesung seemed to notice your fingers fiddling with your cotton skirt, just like he noticed everything, the human instinct of trying to understand everything you did and putting a name on it overtaking him.
he probably thought you were nervous just then, and that didnât sit right with you. so, following the given instructions, you leaned closer, the lights starting to blink around you creating a sinfully sensual atmosphere.
you skillfully pretended, -that- you knew how to do.
and when the music started playing in the room, when the whole crew got quiet and when the lights dimmed, when the director said âaction!â, you slipped into the shoes of someone in love.
âsomethin' about the way you kiss it, donât ever stop, you know you started some.â
you leaned closer to his cheek, whispering the lyrics directed to his ear, you distracted yourself from their meaning, pretending like you were talking about unicorns and french fries, and the choreographerâs advices resonated in your mind. how sheâd taught you how to act out desire, want, need, how to drag the words, where to breathe and how to look.
âyouâre on the spot, iâm feeling lucky. go ahead and touch it, if you want it baby, keep me cominâ.â
heesung lowered his head, until your noses were just shy of brushing, and everything was perfectly okay until you had to open your eyes. you could feel his hair brushing against your forehead, overwhelmingly close.
so you did as told, opening your eyes, you naturally met his, wide and glassy, itâd never hit you how full of life his irises were. contrary to his whole face, his eyes told stories of their own and there resided the key to figure out what lee heesung was feeling.
you mouthed the lyrics, lips inches away from touching, and despite the already insane proximity, you heard the director say, âcloser.â over the music.
youâd seen enough romance movies to know how characters looked like when they wanted to be kissed, thatâs exactly the face you made, it was easier than expected, the unfathomable thought that maybe heesung was a comfortable person to work with dawned onto you as you moved your mouth slowly.
âcut! youâre doing really great, just keep in mind it keeps escalating, i want more passion heesung, look at her like sheâs the answer to everything.â
the answer to everything. that would be a loaded weapon.
the director clapped once, âagain from the second verse.â
you inhaled slowly as the music restarted, your traitorous breath acting like this was the best moment to act out. you remembered, this was a choreography, manufactured tension, a carefully rehearsed illusion. there was no wrong way to act this out, right?
âsomethinâ about the way that it taste, youâre running your mouth at a dangerous paceâ
you leaned in again, fingers grazing lightly against his neck as instructed. your lips hovered near his mouth while the lyrics slipped out softer this time, breathier, practiced temptation coating every word. you could feel his breathing now, steady against hot skin, the way he looked down to your mouth in false desire, like he truly wanted to eat you.
and where there had been restraint before, was a fully immersed heesung, mouthing his next line, eyes fixated on your plump lips. and he was so talented, such a master at persuasion, that something hot curled low in your stomach.
you told yourself this was some sort of method acting, like you were fully in character now, like this would all end once the cameras were off. you didnât know much about desire, but you knew it this definitely wasnât it.
âyou know what to do, and you know what to say. even when youâre away, iâm always thinkinâ bout you.â
âgood,â the director encouraged somewhere behind the monitors. âstay there.â
heesungâs hand shifted beside you on the stool. then stopped. it was barely a movement, but enough that you noticed the restrain in it immediately, like heâd almost touched your waist without thinking.
he must do that a lot, you thought to yourself, his acting was spot on, so much that you almost thought he meant it. that was how good he was. your pulse stumbled as the music pulsed around the room, low bass vibrating faintly beneath your feet.
you leaned closer again, because the scene demanded it, because the camera loved proximity, because your jobs quite literally depended on selling the illusion.
but the closer you got, the weirder it all felt. because how could you explain to your brain -who demanded an logical answer to every single event- that you didnât know heesungâs favorite dish, or even his second name, but somehow, you knew the rythm of his pulse under your fingertips, the way his breath felt blossoming on your lips, and you knew how it felt to be wanted so intensely by him.
âthe way you think about me, i think about you, i do, itâs true ( i think about you)â
your noses brushed this time, a tiny accidental contact that wouldnât be cut out post-production. the entire crew collectively went silent in the way people do when they do they just captured something good.
heesung exhaled softly through his nose, eyes flickering shut for half a second, and that tiny reaction -that microscopic human reaction- completely destroyed your concentration.
your forgot the next lyric for a terrifying second. and his hand finally landed lightly against your side to steady the movement for the shot, warm even through the fabric of your clothes. it was nothing really, but it had you in a chokehold of confusion. cause why was your heart suddenly mimicking a horse galloping, and why were your palms sweaty like you were passing an important test. heesung -him- was way too natural, too comfortable, like this was a thing he did every other day. your brain short circuited for a second.
because suddenly euchaeâs stupid drunk questions came flooding back.
âdoes he smell good?â
and unfortunately he fucking did.
âyouâre gonna be all close to him and stuffâŠâ
yes indeed.
and now here you were practically breathing the same air while one of the biggest idols in the industry looked at you like he genuinely wanted to kiss you.
which he obviously didnât.
âbeautiful,â the director murmured reverently. âthatâs exactly it.â
heesung tilted his head slightly, maintaining eye contact even as the lyrics ended. and one for one horrifying moment, you genuinely thought he might close the distance.
you gagged in your mouth at the thought. âcut!â the room erupted back into noise and staff members started talking, immediately, someone adjusted a reflector, music cutting off mid-beat.
but heesung still hadnât moved his hand one bit. you looked down at it automatically and so did he.
âyou can move your hand now.â you said, as the realization hit him. his fingers flexed once before he pulled away almost too quickly.
âyeah.â he said quietly.
when you finally looked away, across the set, the director was practically glowing with satisfaction.
âoh this chemistry is disgusting.â he announced happily, like a very jolly ball of meat and fur. âexactly what i wanted.â
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
the next setup was somehow worse. or better.
you genuinely couldnât tell anymore. the cameras had been changed for tighter lenses, meaning every shot would be another level of intimate, almost to an invasive degree. lips, breathing and eye movement. the tiny unconscious things people usually never noticed.
the stylist, her apron half hanging over her waist, dabbed lipgloss lightly on your mouth with a professional brush, before stepping away. âdonât wipe it off.â she warned, observing the way it caught the light.
easy for her to say when you wanted to drive your head into the nearest wall.
You sat back down on the set stool while the cinematographer adjusted framing on the monitor. âokayâ he called, âthis sequence is almost entirely mouth shots and eye contact. we want heavy tension, give us the same energy as earlier.â
you looked over at heesung, only to find his eyes already on you, like heâd forgotten there were forty people and a contract surrounding the both of you.
you wouldâve rolled your eyes, slapped him maybe, and told him he could stop acting in between takes, except you were known in the industry for your professionalism. when the music started again and you heard the cue, you moved first, slowly leaning forward until the space between you and him was reduced to a mere idea.
the camera operator circled carefully around the stools, capturing every angle of your mouths so close.
it shouldâve been embarrassing and overwhelming, but it left you with a burning ache in the pit of your stomach instead. your lips parted slightly with the lyrics and so did his, you thought about how they would fit perfectly, snug like pieces of a schmidt puzzle, in a world where youâd be tempted to kiss him.
in this world though, you werenât. and when heesung tilted his head to the side just enough, following the script, the key word here being âscriptâ; it felt so silly to you how aware your body became of microscopic things at this distance, like the brush of air, the sound of shaky breathing.
âhold there.â the director instructed softly, like if he spoke louder youâd break apart and ruin the moment.
was this all it took? filming an mv? to suddenly start feeling attraction towards a non essential variable in your life.
how weak were you? you stayed suspended in that impossible space, mouths barely apart, finding yourself in an intimate moment with someone you absolutely didnât want to be vulnerable with.
in his eyes, you were prettiest when you pretended to want him.
because this was what it was at the end of the day, two people pretending.
but the body is stupid sometimes. and the body doesnât know how to differentiate whatâs an illusion from what is real.
because acting like he wanted you, meant studying you closely enough to imitate intimacy. he memorized the shape of your smile, the sound you made when you laughed quietly, the exact distance where your breath started warming your skin. and eventually, his body forgot it was fake.
he had spent all this time learning you to perfect his performance, but a weird chemical imbalance in his brain had tricked him into thinking there was something more.
and if someone cupped his face for a bit too long, whispered lyrics against his mouth, looked at him like he was wanted, some parts of him were bound to start responding as if it was true. even if the mind insisted it lived in a choreography.
he hadnât realized how touch deprived and exhausted he was until your soft hands touched him and suddenly all he could imagine were the sounds you made when being kissed.
heesung shifted closer by instinct during the next lyric, and your lower lip barely grazed his for less than a second. it was accidental, but the contact sent a sharp wave of heat straight to you anyway. his eyes imperceptibly widened and yours probably did too, neither of you pulling away fast enough.
âjesus christ.â someone whispered near the monitors.
âdonât cut.â the director immediately hissed back. so the cameras kept rolling.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
Inevitably, a few weeks after that, what was bound to happen, happened.
Itâs not like none of you had predicted it, anticipated it, it was just history repeating itself over and over in the kpop industry. But once again, this proved that the companies would stop at nothing to make bank. Putting even their idolsâ mental healths on the line.
Youâd already felt it at the mv screening, after it had been edited, recolored, post production essentially, youâd seen the looks of the staff when they talked to you, like they knew this was prone to become an issue sooner or later. And they werenât wrong. Youâd seen Heesungâs ears twitch nervously when both your faces appeared on the screen, so close that not even air could pass properly. Youâd seen how inevitably good you were at that, and youâd thought about the publicâs perception, about how theyâd react, how theyâd speculate. Because in the middle of this; even you had managed to persuade yourself that you wanted Lee Heesung.
That was how good your performance was.
Heesung had shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the whole production team happy, while what remained between the both of you, was doubt.
Justified doubt, because a few days -screw that- hours after the release of the music video on all platforms, it felt like all hell had broken loose.
Suddenly, thousands of people hated your guts, like youâd honestly done something bad to their families. You were receiving hundreds of messages a day, people whom youâd never heard of, sending you threats, hateful comments about your appearance, menacing you with -quote- âif you date heesung we will end you. engenes are united and we wonât let this slide.â
At the end of the day, youâd knew what was going to happen, it wasnât that big of a surprise when people sent trucks in front of belift, protested for the collaboration to be taken down.
But somehow, even under tremendous pressure, the company had never questioned it even once, nobody had talked about taking it down, or making a statement. They were truly shamelessly riding the hate wave, because this would make profit.
You didnât go out for days, staying inside except for the times you had to go to practice. It had been advised you didnât interact with Heesung for the time being -not that you were planning to in the first place- you couldnât be in buildings at the same times, couldnât even look at each others direction; which was a relief cause you didnât know if you could ever look at him without hearing the comments of his fans, territorial and completely parasocial.
People youâd never seen, telling you to kill yourself, for simply doing your job. Girls ( who were supposed to be supporting other women ) hating you because youâd been in the same room as their idol.
You couldnât fathom how the human mind allowed that, how people convinced themselves that this was okay, and the right thing to do. But once again, the very same label you worked under, played right into these mental illnesses.
So the only thing you could do was shutup and let the storm pass.
You didnât see Heesung for weeks, not even your friends, you followed a strict routine, eat, sleep, wake up, practice, meeting, eat, repeat. This was comfortable, easier than falling asleep at 4 am, looking at twitter comments tearing you apart, overthinking and blaming yourself for ever accepting this collaboration.
In all of this, not once did Heesung get any hate, the comments were directed towards his company, but never him, -oh god forbid-. People had the nerve to say heâd been forced into doing this, that he looked pressured and that heâd been coerced.
And somehow, even if it shouldnât have, even if deep down you know this had nothing to do with him, all of this made you dislike him even more than you already did.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
It was with an empty but heavy stomach, that you walked in the practice room that evening.
You dropped your purse on the floor, gathering your stuff, and you felt someone crouch behind you.
ây/n⊠weâve been worried, you look pale.â
It was your choreographer, sheâd been there in the roughest patches, embracing a role of confident that wasnât hers in the first place. Sheâd honestly done more than anyone in the whole team combined, she worried more than the people who were supposed to -or paid to- worry.
Kim Se-na was the only bit of help you had when at work.
âiâm okay, donât worry. Just allergies.â you lied shamelessly.
When you saw the look on her face, you knew she wasnât gonna get fooled.
âEr⊠maybe itâs Heesungâs little fan bitches. Too much hassle.â you rectified, with a humorless smile. âThey honestly wonât stop sending shit to my house. Itâs getting old.â
Se-na raised her eyebrows, mouth hanging open. âTheyâre really gonna have to do something about it y/n. This is getting crazier by the minute.â
You shrugged it off, because there was nothing you could really do, and she knew it. âThey wonât do anything about it. Letâs just get to work. Itâll pass with time.â
Rehearsal went by slowly. Time dragged in the worst possible way, each second stretching thin and trembling until it barely felt real anymore. The clock above the studio door looked frozen, its hands stuck between minutes as if even time itself had grown tired of moving forward. Every glance at it felt cruel; surely more than thirty seconds had passed, surely the universe wasnât cruel enough to leave you stranded in this unbearable in-between for this long.
You wanted to go home, dig a hole in your bed and never come out again. But the goddamn clock was driving you mad.
And when its cruel joke finally resolved to a halt, you grabbed your bag like the room was on fire, and you waved good bye, your feet carrying you down the steps hurriedly. You walked quickly, hoodie sleeves swallowing your shape while you checked your phone.
11:47 pm
Your driver was still 8 minutes away. Amazing.
The underground parking lot greeted you with cold air and the distant hum of engines. Your footsteps echoed embarrassingly loud against the concrete as you descended the last stair. You hated parking lots at night. They always felt strangely infinite, all shadows and pillars and fluorescent lights flickering like dying stars. You adjusted your bag higher on your shoulder and started toward the pickup area.
Conveniently, your earphones didnât have battery, you whoâd wanted to drown out all the thoughts and doubts with loud music, you were in for a very long ride.
And at first you didnât notice anything strange, just another black van parked near the exit, its windows tinted, and voices, staff maybe?
But they were high pitched, excited even, not the type of voices that belonged in a professional and uptight world, where staff walked hallways silently like they were scared to be noticed.
When a camera flash went off somewhere to your left, you understood.
You frowned instinctively, slowing your pace before being interrupted by another insistant flash. The parking lot was supposed to be safe, the company always said so.
Your stomach dropped the moment you recognized silhouettes gathering around one of the vehicles, people holding phones and designer masks with baseball caps obstructing their faces. The type of people who lingered too long outside company buildings pretending not to wait for someone. Except now they had made it to the safe-zone.
You immediately looked down, pulling your hood higher. Maybe they hadnât noticed you. Maybe if you just got out quicklyâŠ
âY/N!â your blood went cold.
One of the girls pointed directly at you, holding what looked like a written sign in her hand.
âOh my god itâs her.â
You swore under your breath and turned sharply, walking faster toward the farther side of the parking lot. At first it still felt manageable, annoying surely; but manageable. That was until you heard footsteps echo behind you. It wasnât dramatic when you thought you were in danger. Not even when you thought they were there to kill you. Because from what youâd seen in comments, threads, endless threats to your life, you really didnât know what they were capable of doing. And the place, usually crawling with security, seemed so empty. You heard your name, again and again, from people who thought they knew you, who thought they were given the right to say your name like this while breaching your privacy. Then came the question.
âAre you with Heesung right now?â camera flashes burst violently against the concrete walls and you flinched.
You reached blindly for your phone to all your manager, but another voice rang out-
âHEESUNG!!â
Your head snapped up, a familiar tall figure had just emerged from the elevator entrance on the opposite side of the parking lot, hood pulled low over dark hair, mask hanging under his chin like heâd only put it on halfway.
For a second he looked confused, then his eyes landed on the crowd, an then on you. His expression changed instantly, the one heâd wear when he was trying to figure out whether to repeat a verse or harmonize with it, calculated and focused.
The girls noticed him immediately and surged forward in chaos, like theyâd just seen God bearing world peace. Voices exploded everywhere at once. People asking if youâd been together, people asking you to look over, too much information at once.
âOPPA!!â
Someone bumped hard into your shoulder trying to get closer to him, and before you could recover, fingers suddenly hooked around the sleeve of your hoodie. You were an extremely patient woman, but in that moment, your whole body seized, and you wanted to grab that girl by the hair and drag her by it. Anger filled you, not because it hurt, but because strangers touching you always felt violating in a way your brain couldnât process correctly.
And Heesung noticed, or maybe he just reacted before thinking. He didnât know you all that much, but he knew you werenât scared of a scandal, and youâd be ready to throw hands if needed.
So in seconds, he was there, his hand closed tightly on your bag, avoiding contact. âLetâs go.â he said without hesitation or space for discussion.
He pulled you sharply behind him and started walking fast, like heâd done this countless times. Everything after that blurred together into cognitive dissonance, noise , movement and footsteps pounding against concrete, people shouting like theyâd were allowed to be here. But you followed, cause there was nothing else you could do, nowhere else you could go.
You cut through a side exit into the freezing Seoul night air, sneakers slamming against the wet pavement as somewhere behind you, voices still echoed faintly. And Heesung kept a hold of your bag the whole entire time, it digging into your shoulder painfully.
You turned sharply around a corner after him, nearly crashing into his back when he abruptly stopped.
A narrow alley stretched between two dark buildings, cluttered with overflowing trash bags, broken crates and rain- damp concrete smell. Without a word, Heesung pulled you into the shadows behind a stack of plastic containers.
You stumbled against him from the momentum and his hand landed instinctively at the back of your head to stop it from hitting the wall.
You clicked your tongue, taking a step back to escape his touch. You could still hear voices and footsteps, and it hit you that maybe if Heesung hadnât been there, one of them wouldâve gone mental and murdered youâŠ
Inside the alley, the world narrowed into something extremely small, contained in the space between your bodies. Or the lack thereof. Heesung had one hand braced against the wall beside your head, chest rising unevenly from the run. His hood had fallen back slightly, dark hair messy across his forehead, eyes sharp and alert as he listened for movement outside.
After a beat, you became horribly aware of the fact that your fingers were gripping the front of his hoodie, and the thought became horribly repulsing. You loosened them immediately and furrowed your brows in concealed disgust. Neither of you spoke.
Which was almost funny considering the last time youâd seen each other, youâd spent three days pretending to want each other on camera. Life had a way of ruining already-terrible days like that.
âI just saved your life, donât look at me like i smell.â he whispered, expressionless.
âCan i go now?â you ignored him.
âIf you wanna die, then, suit yourself.â he scoffed, looking down at you like you were something he truly couldnât understand, which was fine by you.
âI just need to-â
His gaze lingered for one second too long but before you could continue, voices passed somewhere near the alley entrance, and he instinctively leaned closer again, shielding you further.
The position dragged you chest-to-chest now, his hand still hovering behind your head like he was scared to touch you. And you found yourself thinking about the filming of your music video, how funny this was, really. But the thought died like wax before the flame.
âCan you call your manager?â Heesung whispered, his breath hitting your ear, burning.
You nodded, not before stepping back, visibly annoyed at the situation. You quickly texted your manager, telling him about the current predicament. It didnât take long for him to reply, telling you heâd be sending security to escort you both to your vans, assuring you the sasaengs would be taken care of.
âThere, resolved.â you kept your phone in hand just in case.
When you looked up, your eyes met the shape of his adamâs apple, he had his head thrown back to the skies, like it cost him to be there physically. It bobbed sharply when he swallowed, impossible not to notice at this distance. The movement dragged your attention downward before you could stop it, slow beneath the pale column of his throat, framed by the loose collar of his hoodie. It moved again when he exhaled, subtle but tense somehow, like even his breathing had become too deliberate.
Up close, you realized Heeseung carried tension in his throat the way other people carried it in their shoulders. Every pause caught there first. Every held breath. Every unfinished thought. He looked so unnervingly human at this angle and that pissed you off.
âTheyâre on their way.â you said before taking a couple steps towards the entry of the alley, like you desperately wanted out.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
The ice in your coffee had melted thirty minutes ago.
ââŠweâve already reported several accounts.â one of the staff members was saying carefully, clicking through slides filled with screenshots you wished youâd never seen. âbut because most of the comments are indirect threats or anonymous forum posts, thereâs only so much legal action we can take.â
You watched another blurred screenshot appear on the projection screen.
Attention whore.
Slut.
She wants him so bad itâs embarrassing.
Kill yourself, #sorrynotsorry.
Your eyes flicked away immediatly as if the screen burned. Funny how people online always spoke like they were discussing fiction characters instead of human beings. Like somewhere between screens, fan edits and the parasocial delusion, youâd stopped being a person entirely.
You werenât y/n, the talented singer who loved chocolate mint ice cream and bentos, who was viscerally scared of throwing up and hated being the center of attention. Now you were just a woman standing too close to someone.
One of the PR women sighed softly. âThe good news is the general public response it overwhelmingly positive.â
You almost laughed, if it wasnât for the ache in your throat you wouldâve been laughing out loud. Good news. Right.
âStreams are stable,â she continued professionally. âInternational reception is excellent. Most criticism is isolated to fandom spaces.â
Fandom spaces. What a petty little expression for psychological warfare.
Your manager finally looked up from his tablet. He looked exhausted too lately. More irritable. Like every notification on his phone aged him another year. âWe need you off social media completely for now.â
âiâm already off social media.â you replied dryly.
âNo lurking either.â you stayed quiet, which was answer enough.
He rubbed his temples tiredly. âY/N.â
âI said okay.â the room fell silent again except for the faint buzz of fluorescent lights overhead.
You hated meetings like this. Everyone spoke in polished corporate language to avoid acknowledging what was really happening.
People youâd never met wanted you dead. Not metaphorically or dramatically. And all because youâd done your job correctly.
A younger staff member hesitated before speaking carefully. âA lot of the outrage is projection. Fans are⊠emotionally attached.â
You looked at her then. âemotionally attachedâ sounded like a naive and funny way of saying âderanged and retarded.â
Another slide appeared with this time it wasnât comments, but headlines.
âHEESEUNGâS MATURE CONCEPT DIVIDES FANSâ
âNETIZENS DEFEND HEESEUNG AGAINST HYBEâ
âWAS THE SOLOIST PUSHED TOO FAR?â
You stared at the screen blankly. There it was. The part that made your blood boil. Not once had anyone said anything bad about him, not really. The company? Yes. The concept? Sure. But Heeseung himself remained strangely untouched by it all, preserved carefully beneath layers of concern and protection. Poor Heeseung. He looked uncomfortable. He was pressured into it. He wouldâve never chosen this. Meanwhile you apparently were some manipulative succubus whoâd orchestrated the downfall of Korean morality through lip syncing too close to a man. Amazing, truly outstanding.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
A couple weeks went by after the alleyway episode and the meeting.
And somehow life continued anyway. Schedules kept piling up. Makeup got reapplied every morning. Microphones got clipped behind your back while stylists discussed fabrics around you like nothing had happened. The world of entertainment had a terrifying ability to keep moving regardless of whether someone was silently unraveling inside it.
You adapted quickly, you always had. It was something that happened whether you wanted it or not, when youâd been conformed to be like that since you were 15.
You stopped checking comments entirely after accidentally reading a thread comparing you to a parasite feeding off Heeseungâs fame. Your manager confiscated your Twitter password for âtemporary safety reasons,â which honestly felt less like protection and more like putting down a rabid animal before it bit someone.
You barely saw your friends anymore. Barely saw sunlight either. And you definitely didnât see Lee Heesung. Not once. No rehearsals together, no interviews, no awkward elevator encounters, nothing. The company had apparently decided distance was the safest strategy, separating you two like divorced parents after a custody battle. Any joint schedules were handled independently now, arriving separately, leaving separately, different waiting rooms, different staff teams.
Professionally, it made sense. Personally? You hated how much you noticed his absence. That was what a few months of working with someone did. It annoyed you in ways you couldnât properly articulate how you didnât have anyone to blame for the hate you got now, how you didnât have an outlet for your anger. Because before all this, heâd just been there. Quiet and annoyingly observant and always carrying that stupid erasable pen around like a government-issued emotional support object. But heâd been there, and youâd felt less alone all the time.
Now there was just silence. Which shouldâve been easier.
Instead, your brain had apparently developed a deeply unfortunate tendency to think about him at the worst possible times.
Like now.
It was past two in the morning, Seoul wrapped in deep blue darkness beyond your apartment windows. Your room was lit only by the dim glow of your bedside lamp and the tablet balanced against your knees beneath the blankets.
You shouldâve been sleeping but instead, you were watching that stupid music video again.
Which already felt humiliating enough.
You told yourself it was professional curiosity, you wanted to understand why people reacted so strongly. That was strictly all.
The video played softly through your headphones, bass low and intimate against your ears while blurred beige lighting filled the screen. You watched yourself appear first, all glossy lips and heavy eyes, looking like a woman infinitely more experienced than you actually were.
Honestly, she intimidated you.
Then Heesung appeared, and unfortunately that was wehere your problems started. You paused the video abruptly.
Why did he look like that? Your thumb hovered uncertainly over the screen before rewinding ten seconds. Then replaying it., again.
The close-up filled your vision instantly: his face inches from yours, eyes half-lidded, mouth slightly parted while the camera captured every microscopic shift in expression.
You swallowed.
God.
No wonder people lost their minds over this. It was utterly disgusting.
You resumed the video carefully this time, trying to observe it clinically like a professional, which became increasingly difficult once the second verse started. You watched your noses brush, watched the subtle shift in his breathing. And suddenly your body betrayed you entirely by remembering exactly how that scene had felt in real life. The warm breaths, the weight of him not even touching you, and your stomach twisted strangely.
You paused the video again, right when you had your hand on his neck.
This was actually ridiculous. You dropped the tablet onto your comforter dramatically and pressed both hands over your face.
What the fuck was wrong with you?
Lee Heeseung wasnât even your type. He was reserved and annoyingly composed and judgmental in that quiet way attractive people often were. He corrected your spatial awareness like an elderly PE teacher and looked permanently one inconvenience away from sighing.
And apparently, you were not only a master of illusion, but a master at lying to yourself.
You couldnât help the ache that settled on you when you watched his eyes on yours. You couldnât help the shame that dawned on the back of your neck when you thought of how the performance made you feel. And that annoying voice in your head that begged over and over, to know how he looked when he wasnât pretending.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
The next day started badly. It had become a routine ingrained in your life now, each day taking its toll on you, draining you of your energy and common sense. It wasnât catastrophic or life altering, just the quiet kind of bad that slowly rotted your patience for the inside out.
You woke up late after falling asleep around four in the morning again, tangled in blankets with your tablet still playing low music beside you. Your head hurt immediately upon opening your eyes, throat dry, thoughts sluggish and heavy.
Then your manager informed you your schedule had been moved forward by two hours.
Then your coffee spilled inside the van.
Then a stylist burned the side of your neck with a curling iron and apologized seventeen times while you reassured her it was fine even though it definitely wasnât.
By noon, you already wanted the day to end.
Unfortunately for you, the universe seemed committed to testing exactly how much irritation the human body could contain before exploding.
The company building buzzed with activity around you as you walked through the hallways after rehearsal, staff members rushing in every direction with garment bags and tablets tucked under their arms.
Everyone looked stressed lately, tired and a harp around the edges. Maybe success did that to people. Or maybe public scrutiny slowly sanded down every soft part until all that remained was survival instinct.
You adjusted the hood over your head and kept walking, trying to ignore the pressure building behind your eyes. The rehearsal had gone fine, too fine actually, which typically meant everyone was going to expect more, more schedules, more performances, more interview.
Your social battery had flatlined somewhere around lunch.
By the time someone from marketing stopped you in the hallway asking if youâd be comfortable filming a âcute behind-the-scenes reaction segmentâ with Heeseung next week, you genuinely considered biting them, fangs and all.
You smiled instead, barely, thinking about how there was absolutely nothing remotely cute about Lee Heesung. Then escaped before another conversation could trap you. You desperately needed silence, just five minutes without cameras or people or questions.
The farther hallway near the storage rooms stayed mostly empty during busy schedules, so your feet carried you there automatically. Your sneakers squeaked softly against the polished floor while distant music thumped faintly through the walls from another practice room.
You spotted one of the storage room doors slightly cracked open. Perfect. Without thinking much about it, you slipped inside quickly and shut the door behind you with a relieved exhale. Darkness swallowed you first, then dim emergency lighting slowly revealed stacked boxes, spare lighting equipment and hanging garment bags crammed into the narrow room.
And apparently also, a detail youâd forgotten to oversee⊠someone sitting on the floor.
You froze, and for one disorienting second, your brain genuinely failed to process what you were seeing.
Lee Heeseung sat against the wall between two equipment cases, head tilted back against the concrete behind him. One arm rested over his bent knee while the other pressed hard against his sternum like he was physically holding himself together. His breathing sounded wrong, too shallow and uneven.
Your annoyance surfaced immediately as defense. âJesus fucking ChristâŠâ you muttered under your breath.
Slowly, your eyes adjusted more fully to the dark. His face looked pale. Not idol pale, not like heâd put heavy white foundation or anything, a thin sheen of sweat clung to his forehead despite the cold room, and when his eyes flicked toward you briefly, something sharp twisted uncomfortably in your chest.
Because you recognized that look. You knew it disturbingly well. The too-wide focus and the deliberate breathing, the terrifying effort of trying to appear normal while your nervous system actively betrayed you.
You quietly added it to his book of facial expressions, categorized under âpanic attack?â.
He looked away quickly, jaw tightening almost immediately like heâd rather die than be witnessed like this.
âIâm fine,â he said quietly. A lie clearly. You were dumb but not that dumb.
You stared at him for a second longer than necessary, part of you wanting to leave. Not out of cruelty just self preservation.
âI didnât ask if you were okay.â You stated, plainly.
And somehow Heesung liked that better than you trying to awkwardly comfort him.
You barely knew how to manage your own spirals half the time, let alone someone elseâs. But another part of you âthe deeply unfortunate empathetic partâ recognized something painfully familiar in the way his fingers trembled against his hoodie. Youâd looked exactly like that in countless bathroom stalls and dark corners and locked bedrooms over the years. Itâs a reoccurring problem when youâre thrown into an adult work, into a cruel industry as a child.
Your shoulders slumped slightly, annoyance remaining in your tone anyway, mostly because softness felt too vulnerable right now. But luckily, Heesung liked that, he liked that you didnât stop being yourself just because you pitied him, he liked that you werenât trying to desperately say the right thing - at all.
âBreathe through your nose. youâre gonna end up choking.â
His eyes lifted toward you again, faintly incredulous but amused despite everything.
âWhat a comforting thing to say.â
âyouâre welcome.â Silence settled briefly between you.
You stayed near the door at first, arms crossed tightly over your chest while you studied him. Heeseung looked strangely smaller like this, not physically obviously. That wouldâve been impossible considering he was built like a fucking wardrobe. But the carefully composed image he always carried had cracked open enough for you to glimpse the exhausted human underneath it. He looked like a child.
And suddenly it became very hard to keep hating him properly, because none of this was entirely his fault either. You recognized you were just angry and trying to blame someone, but this wasnât the right guy. He was trapped inside the same machine as you were, just packaged differently.
You sighed heavily before sliding down the wall opposite him until you sat on the floor too.
His gaze shifted toward you immediately. âwhat are you doing?â
You shrugged. âwaiting until you stop looking like youâre about to pass away dramatically.â
âI said Iâm fine.â
âAnd i said i donât care.â
There was a silence and after a beat you noticed his breathing still hadnât evened out completely.
Instinctively, your eyes drifted toward the storage shelves beside you. You searched for something -anything- to ground him with. Your fingers landed on a laminated inventory sheet hanging from a clipboard. Perfect.
You held it up flatly. âokay. name five things you can see.â
He blinked slowly. âhuh?â
âyou heard me.â
A faint crease appeared between his brows. âAre you seriously trying therapy tricks on me right now?â
âif you wanna die, then, suit yourself.â you said, mocking the sentence he had used the other night when running from the sasaengs.
That almost earned a laugh; his mouth twitched faintly before disappearing again, you watched him hesitate, then finally: âthose boxes.â
âgreat. four more.â
His breathing hitched once before settling slightly deeper this time. âthe exit sign.â you nodded âthe fan and the⊠silver tape thing.â
âduct tape.â you rolled your eyes.
âwhatever.â
He paused then his eyes landed on you, your stomach flipping stupidly at the directness of it. ââŠyou.â
The room went oddly still for a second before you cleared your throat. âUnfortunately yes, thatâs five.â
Something softened very slightly in his expression then, his eyes smoothing over the fabric of your oversized sweatpants like he was trying to distract himself.
You didnât ask him what was wrong because it wasnât productive - nor your business, and you stood up, reaching for the door handle.
âIs your breathing better now?â
He looked up, an indecipherable expression painting his face, and he quietly nodded.
âGood.â your mouth went into a straight line. âtake care then, i guess.â
And at that, you left.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
Nothing was said about that day.
Which was its own kind of instruction. You followed it and Heesung did too, at least outwardly. When nothing obvious changed, everything did.
While the industry continued its quiet violence of schedules and lights, he started appearing earlier to rooms you entered later. Not in a noticeable way -never enough to be questioned - but enough that you sometimes caught him already there, sitting, reading, waiting, like he had chosen a corner of the world and decided not to move from it until required. It was starting to get on your nerves, that feeling in your lower belly, when you knew he was going to be there but you still waited for the surprise of seeing him.
You noticed when he looked tired. Which you hated. Because you had never agreed to noticing anything about him beyond professional necessity. And yet your eyes kept catching it anyway, the faint heaviness under his eyes, the way he rolled his shoulders once before rehearsals like his body was arriving a few seconds late to itself.
Neither of you acknowledged the storage room.
But his body remembered it.
The call came on a thursday, short notice, no explanation beyond âadjusted schedule.â
You didnât ask questions anymore. You had learned quickly that questions in this industry rarely came with answers that helped.
The studio was the same one as usual, the same beige set pieces stacked in corners, same reflective floor and same lighting rigs hanging like dormant machinery waiting to be activated.
Same room, different pressure. Turned out the director wanted reshoots, performance versions, or also called âdance studio sessionsâ.
Whatever that meant, you understood it immediately anyway. The Mv was trending again, all thanks to one influencer who had made a tiktok post overseas talking about how âhot and cuntyâ it was.
Her words, not yours. But anyways, that was all that mattered, engagement had turned into permission and permission into repetition.
You arrived first, or at least thought you did.
Because Heesung was already there, standing near the edge of the set, hands loosely at his sides, looking at nothing in particular, hair slightly damp, like he had just finished adjusting something in silence.
A stylist moved behind him without speaking.
And for you, the absence of acknowledgment had become its own form of coordination as you walked past him toward your mark without slowing down.
âLetâs start with blocking,â someone said.
Rehearsal began like muscle memory, positions marked, movements corrected and angles adjusted.
You followed choreography cleanly, each step measured, each pause calculated while Heeseung mirrored you exactly the same way he always did -precise, controlled, unshowy in a way that made the entire thing feel more engineered than performed. The director watched through the monitor.
âGood,â he said. âSame energy as before. Keep that consistency.â
Consistency.
As if what you had before had been stable enough to repeat. And here you thought one time had been enough.
The whole world sat strangely in your chest but you ignored it.
The music restarted and you moved, desperately trying not to make the same mistakes, you didnât look at him, kept it strictly cold.
He moved, everything worked the way it was supposed to.
Which somehow made it worse because now there was awareness layered over execution, every distance felt measured, every pause felt chosen, every near-contact no longer had the excuse of accident.
You felt it most when your eyes met his for a fraction of a second during a transition, not long enough to mean anything but too long to ignore.
âReset,â the director called.
You stepped back into position as markers were adjusted and camera angle shifted.
âOkay,â he said, leaning forward slightly. âthis time, I want less distance. more hesitation, sell the interruption of movement. lik something is happening that neither of you fully controls. i want it like the music video, give me more energy. The both of you.â
You didnât respond and Heeseung didnât either.
âReady?â the assistant called.
Music started again as you moved into position.
You were closer this time, just enough to shift the air between you. You could feel it immediately, th way proximity changed pressure, not emotion; the way the space between bodies became something measurable, almost physical in its own right.
Step. Step. Stop.
His presence registered before anything else did.
Heat without touch, awareness without contact. Your breath slowed without permission, the choreography brought you forward again and then you were there : close enough that the rest of the room disappeared into technical noise, camera operators, lighting adjustments, directorâs hand raised slightly.
All of it was distant but Heeseung was in front of you. Too close in a way that no longer felt accidental and you hated how your body reacted before your mind could intervene.
It wasnât attraction, not romance, just recognition of proximity.
His gaze lowered briefly -not to your lips, not to your face in any meaningful way- just a downward flick that lasted less than a second too long before stopping.
Something in him stalled, not visible in movement, but you felt it anyway. like a delay in synchronization.
You were supposed to continue the line but for a fraction of a moment, neither of you moved, not stepping forward, not stepping back. Just held in a space that the choreography didnât account for.
The director didnât speak yet, no one cut, and so the moment stretched.
Heeseungâs breathing stayed controlled, you noticed it before you meant to.
A slight tightening at the base of his throat. There it was, the second key to all of his thoughts, a passcode to open his book of expressions. You thought you could figure him out just by looking at his adamâs apple, silly really.
âCut,â the director said.
Normal again, everything resumed, people adjusted equipment, someone scribbled notes, a stylist stepped forward to fix lighting reflections.
You stepped back first, Heeseung stepped back a fraction of a second after, his scent lingering in the air like a question mark.
And the thought quietly dawned upon you like a little devil, maybe you needed to get laid.
Honestly, that had to be it. Because there was no logical explanation for whatever the hell had been happening to your nervous system lately.
No reasonable adult should react this strongly to proximity alone, to eye contact, to breathing the same air as someone. You refused to believe your brain had genuinely decided to short circuit over a coworker simply because he stood too close and looked at you too intensely.
That wouldâve been humiliating, so naturally, your mind searched for a more rational explanation.
Sexual frustration.
There. Simple. Clinical almost.
You latched onto the idea immediately because it made infinitely more sense than whatever alternative your subconscious seemed determined to imply.
It wasnât Heeseung specifically. It couldnât be. You barely knew him. Sure, he was attractive, but so were a lot of people. That didnât mean anything, people had eyes, functional nervous systems, biological responses. Youâd spent weeks filming scenes designed specifically to create tension while simultaneously living under enough stress to qualify for a medical study, obviously your brain was confused. Anyone wouldâve gotten confused.
The issue wasnât emotional. The issue was that your body had apparently remembered it existed at the worst possible moment, which was deeply inconvenient considering the object of this unfortunate realization happened to be standing six feet away discussing camera angles with a producer like he hadnât just destabilized your internal chemistry for the fifth time that week.
You watched him from the corner of your eye before immediately looking away again, irritated.
Ridiculous. Actually ridiculous. And did you mention disgusting ?
He adjusted the sleeves of his black top absentmindedly while listening to the director, head slightly lowered, expression composed back into its usual unreadable state.
If someone looked at him right now, theyâd think nothing had happened during rehearsal.
Maybe nothing had happened.
Maybe you were just projecting normal physical attraction onto the nearest available man because your life had recently become work, anxiety and sleeping four hours a night.
That sounded believable, comfortingly believable.
. Bodies were stupid sometimes, hormones were stupid all the time, that didnât mean anything deeper had to exist underneath it.
You could fix physical, yeah, physical was easy. At least, in theory. Or maybe you needed alcohol, or maybe a new toy. Yeah youâd look into that later.
Maybe what you needed was a good mind-blowing orgasm to reset your failing brain.
The next few days settled into something strange and unspoken.
You noticed it under microscopic ways that wouldâve looked meaningless to anyone else.
During long rehearsals, Heeseung would quietly slide a bottle of water toward you whenever you got too focused to remember basic human survival, never looking at you while doing it, like acknowledgment would somehow make the gesture illegal.
In return, you found yourself lowering the brightness of your phone screen around him after crowded schedules because youâd noticed the slight tension that appeared between his brows under harsh lighting, the way overstimulation sat on him physically.
Once, after an especially exhausting session, you caught the faint tremor in his fingers while staff adjusted his mic pack, and without thinking, you stalled a stylist with pointless conversation until he had a second to regain control.
Neither of you mentioned any of it afterward.
You still spoke the same way.
Still kept distance where you could.
Still acted vaguely irritated in each otherâs presence.
But your bodies had begun learning each otherâs limits quietly, instinctively, in the background of everything else.
Maybe it was the endless repetition of proximity, or maybe the human body simply wasnât designed to differentiate staged intimacy from real instinct forever.
During rehearsals, physical contact stopped feeling entirely choreographed, and both of you seemed equally annoyed by it, small things slipped through the cracks first.
One afternoon, your mic wire got tangled beneath the fabric of your top right before a take, and before a staff member could step in, Heeseung crouched slightly in front of you with a quiet curse under his breath, fingers brushing the bare skin near your waist as he untangled it with practiced efficiency.
His jaw stayed tight the entire time, expression unreadable in that specifically irritated way he got when something felt too personal.
You stared stubbornly at the wall behind him like refusing to acknowledge the situation would somehow erase the fact his fingertips were warm against your skin.
âYour cords are always a mess,â he muttered afterward, standing up immediately like he regretted touching you for that long.
âMaybe because i have twenty pounds of equipment on me,â you shot back automatically, even though your voice sounded slightly off to your own ears.
Another time, while switching positions between camera setups, his hand landed against your waist automatically to guide himself around a lighting rig too narrow for both of you to pass through comfortably.
The contact lasted barely two seconds before both of you seemed to realize it at the exact same time. You stepped away too quickly. He removed his hand like heâd touched a hot stove.
Neither of you apologized, neither acknowledged it either, as if it was the most disgusting thing to ever happen.
That became the pattern -brief moments of unconscious familiarity immediately followed by visible annoyance, as if your bodies kept making decisions faster than your brains could approve of them. And that was the real problem.
After spending so long filming mouth-to-mouth scenes, breathing against each otherâs skin and memorizing each otherâs reactions under studio lights, your bodies had stopped treating proximity like an exception.
You knew the weight of his hands before you knew his favorite song and he knew exactly how close he could stand before your breathing changed.
The emotional part lagged horribly behind, still stubbornly insisting none of this meant anything while your nervous systems quietly learned each other anyway, and both of you seemed increasingly irritated by the fact that it came so naturally.
That specific day, the rehearsal had dragged far longer than scheduled, everyone growing quieter and more irritable as the hours passed.
Staff members stopped making small talk around midnight, surviving entirely on caffeine and professional obligation while the same thirty seconds of choreography replayed over and over beneath blinding studio lights.
You were tired in that dangerous way where emotions started feeling detached from logic, where your body moved automatically but your brain lagged several seconds behind reality.
Heeseung looked no better, his hair stuck damply to his forehead, sleeves shoved carelessly past his elbows while frustration sat visibly in the tension of his jaw. And you couldnât help but wonder if this was how he looked after-
The director kept asking for âmore restraintâ while simultaneously demanding more chemistry, which at this point felt like psychological warfare specifically designed to destroy both of you slowly.
By the end of the fifth retake, your patience had dissolved entirely.
Every microscopic thing about him irritated you suddenly -the way he exhaled through his nose when concentrating, the way he kept adjusting his in-ears between takes, the way his hand automatically found your waist during positioning now like his body had stopped asking permission first. And somehow the irritation only made you more aware of him.
That was the sick part.
Exhaustion stripped people down to instinct eventually, and instinctively, your body kept tracking his : where he stood, how close he was, the heat radiating off his skin after hours under studio lights. It all felt unbearable by the time the final take ended.
âFive minute break,â someone called, and the room immediately scattered into fragments.
You walked off set without thinking, needing space before your own skin started feeling too tight.
Somewhere behind you, you heard footsteps follow a few seconds later, not rushed but not quite hesitant either.
You turned the corner into one of the empty hallways lined with unused set pieces and equipment cases, rubbing aggressively at your eyes before stopping beside a stack of storage crates.
For a second there was silence.
Then Heeseung appeared beside you, equally exhausted, equally tense, tall and sweaty, and you wanted to slap him.
âYou keep stepping too far left during the turn,â he said finally, voice rough from hours of rehearsal.
You stared at him incredulously. âthatâs what you followed me here to say?â
âYou asked.â
âNo i didnât.â
âyou looked annoyed.â
âI am annoyed.â
âYeah,â he muttered tiredly, leaning back against the wall beside you. âme too.â
Something about the way he said it cracked through the last remaining layer of restraint sitting between you both. Maybe it was exhaustion, maybe adrenaline after hours of forced proximity, maybe months of tension finally collapsing under the weight of too little sleep and too much awareness.
Whatever it was, it didnât feel good. It felt frayed. Human.
You looked at him then properly for the first time all day, and he looked just as wrecked as you felt -eyes tired, breathing slow, irritation and something heavier sitting beneath his skin like a bruise.
Your chest tightened unpleasantly. âyou know what your problem is?â you asked quietly.
His eyes shifted toward you immediately. âwhat could that be, enlighten me.â
âYoure just⊠always there. I came here cause iâve been stuck in a room with you for hours. Whyâd you have to follow me? Iâm already tiredâŠâ
And then he reached for your top. And your composure crumbled, as small as it originally was. His hand grabbed at the low collar of it, tugging it upwards, eyes looking away, like he had to physically hold himself back. You looked down, his knuckles brushing against your bare skin, your eyes, always so serious and composed, went wild.
âwhat the fuck are you doing?â
âI- it was hanging low and i couldnât focus. Iâm just doing you a favor, stop being so bitter.â he sighed, jaw clenching.
The silence afterward felt dense, not soft, tender or anything. Just charged in the way storms felt before breaking apart overhead.
âcouldâve just told me.â you muttered under your breath, adjusting your top obsessively.
âjust- tie it correctly so it doesnât fucking fall.â Heesung kept looking away, like if he laid his eyes on you heâd explode or something much worse.
âleave then, if my topâs bothering you that much. oh my fucking god, youâre starting to piss me off.â you turned to leave, clutching like your top like it was this flimsy thing ready to fall.
But before you could go anywhere, he grabbed your wrist, the weight of him so familiar. Itâs like you knew his touch now, like youâd felt the almost of it so many times now, that it felt normal. Your stomach still did that same thing though, so did your whole body, erupting in tiny electric charges, no matter how long it had been since heâd first brushed your skin.
But now you could feel each of his fingers, the pointer tighter that the others against your pulse point. âYouâre so rude.â he said. âYour mouthâs so dirty.â
He wasnât angry, he kept the same composure as always, unwavering and cold.
You turned around, trying to pry his hand away. âI donât care about what you have to say, just go back to rehearsal so we can be done and go home. Iâm tired.â
âIs it because of the music video thing?â He made no move to let go of your wrist.
You let out a deep sigh, annoyance gradually rising. âItâs not about- thereâs nothing here, iâm just tired and i just wanna go home.â
Heesung pulled you closer, just a little bit. âI begged them to do something. To take the video down, re do it, release a statement, punish these people. Anything. But they-â
You interrupted him, âOh my god, i donât care about that. Letâs just go please. I donât care. We did our job, i got hate, you didnât- itâs fine.â
âSo itâs because of that then⊠because only you got hate.â he took a second to gather his thoughts before continuing. âI get it. Iâd be pissed at me too. But you know⊠i did wanna make a statement. I really did. But the company didnât want me too-â
âShutup.â you interrupted him, wrapping your cold hand around his warm one, the one holding you hostage. âjust stop talking i said it was fine. Letâs go now.â
The way he looked at you in that moment, was so similar to the way he did when he was pretending to want you, so similar that it made your head spin.
You looked back, way too long, trying to figure out what exactly he was feeling. You looked at his throat, he swallowed like he did when he was nervous about something -youâd called that the ânervy throat bobâ in his book of expression. His eyes were rimmed red with fatigue, pupils heavily dilated, like he hadnât been sleeping in days. And you didnât wanna figure him out anymore, you just wanted to slap him or kiss him or fuck him or something.
âThey said if i made a statement it looked like we were dating or something. So i asked them to take legal measures, they said it would be better to let it pass, and then i didnât wanna say anything to you, cause well, we donât really know each other so it would be weird if i just started-â
This and whatever story he had, died against your lips.
You grabbed his sweaty collar, cursing under your breath, as your mouth met his, frantic and slightly condescending. You didnât care about the delivery, you just wanted him to shutup so your thoughts could also shutup, even if that cost you your sanity, because obviously, a kiss, isnât the appropriate way to shut someone up, much less a colleague. You held onto his tee shirt, clinging like you were scared youâd push him if your hands werenât stuffed with the fabric.
At first, he didnât reciprocate. Heesung just opened his mouth a tiny bit, like he was letting you inside, but didnât wish to give anything back, then, gradually, a sound of surprise came out of his parted lips, to which you replied with fervor.
You didnât care about much in life, didnât cling onto your dignity, that being said, your hands traveled to his hair just as he started to kiss back, like a duel of mouths, fighting to see which one would kill each other first. The taste of him equaled the idea of him, enthralling, the kind that made you stay awake at night, one hand between your thighs to the point where you hated yourself; you loved kissing him, hated that it was him you were kissing.
It didnt take long for him to back you up against the wall of the hallway, caging you like a prey, both hands in your hair like there was no softer way to do this. It was all skin and teeth and lips, tugging pulling, fighting for no apparent reason, it was messy and sloppy and disgustingly good.
Heesung, in that moment, hated that he was hard, not a little bit, not half-mast, not a satisfying firmness. He was rock hard, throbbing to the point he could feel his pulse in his pants, all of this because of a stupid kiss. He despised the idea that he was so easy for a woman he didnât even know all that well. But that didnât make him stop, instead he pressed you against the wall, the weight of him leaving you breathless. It was like a burden had been lifted off of him, like a dam that had been lifted, letting water out. If it wasnât for the -horrible- circumstances, he wouldâve taken you right there against the wall, clothes on. His tongue touched yours, hands pulling at his hair you moaned, needing more and more and more.
But when he gave that first grind of his hips, letting you feel just how bad he needed you, a door somewhere slammed shut, and you were reminded of the context in which this had started.
You broke apart, panting, confused and still. not. satisfied. No satisfaction ensued from that kiss, none whatsoever, just the weight of what couldâve happened.
You smoothed over your top, not bothering with eye contact, and cleared your throat, mumbling something about dust, before leaving the room. Heesung stayed there, speechless and pitching a considerable tent, which would not go down, no matter how hard he tried.
He thought about just about anything disgusting he could think of, but it just wouldnât erase the feeling of you.
He tried chugging some water, but it wouldnât erase your taste.
The rest of the session was spent pretending, like you did oh-so well. And the next days too. When you got home, the unresolved feeling between your legs kept you from sleeping, you tried taking a cold shower but the need was too present for you to think of anything else. You ended up under the sheets, fingers pressing right where it hurt, thighs trembling each time he crossed your mind, with that stupid voice of his, and those stupid hands in your hair. When you slipped a finger inside, it was him anchored in your thoughts. And you imagined all the ways this couldâve ended, how you couldâve gotten to know the sounds he made when he was truly himself.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
Well, now that this had been settled, there was no reasonable doubt. You were definitely touch starved, so much so that, thinking about a 1 minute kiss had made you come for the first time in months. Thighs shaking, panting, clutching the sheets and all.
You started feeling pity for yourself throughout the week, observing the damage 3 years without sex did to a woman, and took seconds of your days to slap yourself to consciousness. You didnât talk about it, it was almost like it had never happened, and you were left thinking youâd imagined it in the depths of your perverse mind.
So honestly, the last thing you needed was for your in-ears to completely cut out in the middle of yet another rehearsal because someone had swapped your customized pack settings without telling you.
At first you thought it was technical failure. Then you heard the playback.
Wrong balance.
Wrong vocal feed.
Delay completely off.
You ripped the in-ear out immediately, wincing. âWhat the hell is this?â
A couple staff members looked up, thinking you were talking to them.
The sound engineer frowned at the monitor before checking something quickly. âOhâwait.â
Your irritation sharpened instantly. âWhat do you mean?â
He clicked around nervously. âThe settings got changed earlier.â
âBy who?â There was a silence, which was already enough of an answer.
You stared at him flatly. âSeriously?â
The poor man looked seconds away from spontaneous death. âHeeseung asked us to adjust the sync timing because you were coming in slightly early during the second chorus.â
Your expression hardened immediately. Not because the criticism itself offended you.
But because Heeseung hadnât said a single word to you about it. Instead heâd gone behind your back and changed your settings like you were some rookie incapable of fixing timing manually.
The worst part?
He was probably right.
Your timing had been off lately -blame him-. But still. Something ugly twisted in your chest anyway.
Because after everything lately: the alleyway, the storage room, the kiss in the hallway, you suddenly realized how little you actually understood what existed between you. You hated how much that bothered you.
âWhere is he?â you asked flatly.
The engineer hesitated. âUh⊠downstairs i think? Enhypen stopped by after their schedule.â
Great. Perfect actually. Exactly what rapidly deteriorating emotional stability needed. You shoved the in-ear pack into the hands of a startled coordinator before turning on your heel and walking out of the rehearsal room without waiting for permission. By the time you reached the lower floor lounge area, irritation had fully replaced common sense.
Voices echoed down the hallway first, male laughter, several conversations overlapping casually. Then you turned the corner. And stopped short immediately.
Enhypen.
All of them. Or most of them at least.
The room itself looked relaxed. hoodies tossed over couches, half-finished drinks scattered across tables, someone sitting cross-legged on the floor scrolling through their phone.
Then every single person looked up at once.
Fantastic.
You recognized them instantly of course. Sunoo looked mid-laugh before freezing completely. Jungwon blinked in visible confusion and Jayâs eyebrows lifted almost immediately like he sensed incoming drama. They all looked like they knew you, like they knew everything youâd done.
And right in the middle of the room sat Lee Heeseung, who looked mildly alarmed the moment he saw your expression.
He stood slowly. âWhat happened?â
You almost laughed because the audacity. âCan you come outside for a second?â
Heesung draped an arm around Jayâs shoulder, chin up. âAnything you wanna tell me you can say in front of the missus.â
You scoffed âYou changed my in-ear settings, you absolute fuck-?â
The room went dead silent, absolutely dead. One member coughed awkwardly into his drink.
Heeseungâs jaw tightened almost imperceptibly. âYou were off timing.â
âThatâs not the point.â
âYou kept missing the cue.â
âAnd you thought fixing it behind my back was smarter than talking to me first?â
His expression shifted slightly then, not guilt at all, but recognition that this conversation had escalated faster than expected.
âIt wasnât that serious midget.â
Your blood boiled and you looked at the ceiling, you thought itâd be better if you just left instead of committing first degree murder.
âYou came downstairs just to yell at me?â
âYes.â at least you were honest.
Something shifted weirdly in the room after that. Because for a split second, one corner of Heeseungâs mouth almost moved, not a smile exactly, more like disbelief. Like he genuinely couldnât process that youâd stormed into a room full of his former members over audio settings. But now wasnât the time to dwell on his facial expression book.
âYouâre unbelievable,â he muttered quietly.
âYouâre extremely unprofessional.â
âand you couldâve texted me.â
âYou suck at texting.â
âI answer eventually.â
âThree to five business days later.â That one slipped out before you could stop it. âAnyway thanks, no i gotta spend 30 minutes putting it back to normal. Thanks for wasting my time Heesung.â
You gave a thumbs up before walking off.
The minute you left, Sunoo turned to Heesung with a secretive smirk, âHuh, i see how it is, i seeâŠâ
His ex member rolled his eyes, throwing his head back on the sofa. âShe pisses me off.â
Jay chuckled, fingers tapping on his keyboard, but eyes on him. âI bet yeah. I bet she doesâŠâ
Then Sunoo said ,out of the blue while looking at his nails; âIâve never had angry sex before.â
Heesung sighed deeply, as if exhaling the whole weight of the world out of his body. Maybe he needed to get laid.
đČ àčàŁ àŁȘ Ëđ
Nothing couldâve have prevented you for the repercution of that talk.
The next day, his eyes kept finding yours in every room, with an expression youâd never once seen before. You couldnât quite put a name on it, but it looked something like fear and desire entangled. You categorized it fast under âpossible disgustâ and moved on. But every time youâd look up, sitting on the floor like a weak bird after dancing for hours, heâd be looking at you with eyes so dark youâd think they were black. You couldnât tell whether he wanted to undress you or ask the company to terminate your contract; but it made your stomach twist in an undeniable way. After rehearsal, heâd throw a bottle of water at you, pretexting the coin machine had given him two, again; heâd sit as far away from you as possible while the staff untangled his mic-pack, but his gaze was on you all the time, assessing, legs spread on the empty couch, elbows resting on his thighs in a manly way that made heat creep up your nape.
And as always, in your confused mind, you didnât know if you wanted to sit on his lap, ride him until he was gripping your ass painfully, or just throw up.
When the crew decided you were done for the night, you quickly wrapped up the equipment, helping the staff just so you wouldnât leave at the same time as him. As expected, he waved goodbye, throwing a last glance at you before walking away in the dark hallway.
You finished piling up the mic cases, said your farewells and started for the changing rooms. The hallway was pitch black, your legs sore from dancing you carried yourself to the door, but before you could do anything you felt a hand on your wrist.
You let out a small shriek, deafened by the sudden realization that the weight of that hand was familiar. You turned around, and Heesungâs face was illuminated by your iphone flash lamp.
âwhat the fuck is your problem now?â you said between gritted teeth, shaking his hand off. âyou waited for me to be alone so you could murder me?â
Heesung then smiled, not a full smile, a smile that tugged on the corner of his lips, (new day new facial expression ), like he was amused but not enough for a big one. âso rude. Stop talking like that.â
You lifted your chin, looking up at him with defiance. âhow about you leave me alone then? Always in my way for some reasonâŠâ
Heesung leaned closer, it painfully reminded you of shooting the music video, he was so close that it hurt. âyou were the one in my way just the other day .â he scoffed, breath warm against your cheek, âremember ?â
And how could you not ? When itâs all youâd been able to think about.
âI donât even know what youâre talking about, - just saying whatever as usual.â you rolled your eyes, but your breathing betrayed you.
âYou donât remember? You were the one who was all over me thoughâŠâ he smirked, fighting the urge to put his lips on your neck.
âNo i donât.â
âLiar.â he finally made contact with your pulse point, cornering you like you were a weak prey. âall you do is lie.â
You scoffed, truly annoyed, but for some reason you couldnât push him away, the feeling of his lips against your neck so grounding. âDonât you have better things to do ?â it came out softer than intended, like your speech had stopped being so harsh all of a sudden.
âThere you go, see? you can be pretty polite when you want to be.â
That made you shift, you grabbed his collar, pushing him a few inches away, âShutup.â it came out shaky.
âSee, i donât know if youâre hotter when youâre all rude and mean, or when youâre calm. I havenât seen much of that last one though⊠but i just canât choose.â his eyes bored into yours, trapping you there.
âAre you done with the monologue now? Iâd like to go home, thank you.â you exhaled shakily, pretending it was annoyance.
Heesungâs breath caught for an infinite second, his composure faltering bit by bit, his eyes trailed the path of your cupidâs bow, until they settled on your plump lips. âI think i made up my mind.â
âHuh?â
He leaned ever so slightly, carefully listening to each of your breaths, trying to figure out if you felt the same way he was feeling right now. âyeahâŠâ his lips brushed your jawline. âyouâre so hot when youâre all bratty.â
Heesung dragged his lips over the slope of your neck, slowly, as if purposefully trying to break you, his hand went on your back, where your hair tickled your ribs, tugging just a tiny bit to uncover your neck. âI love it. I love when you try to put me in my place.â he whispered.
You gasped, not controlling anything anymore. He looked exactly like in that music video now, eyes hooded with unconcealed desire and something feverish. But this time around, he wasnât pretending.
âHeesung⊠we-â you started, interrupted by the slight scrape of his teeth on your neck.
Heesung let out a low sound, eyes fluttering shut for a second, like his name on your lips was the most beautiful thing heâd heard. âFuck⊠say that again. Say my name again.â he breathed out, pressing his body against yours.
You said his name again, not bothering to fight it anymore, both hands on his chest like you couldnât decide between pushing him and pulling him in.
âAre you gonna keep denying, or are you gonna be good and do that thing you did the other day?â Heesung rasped, like wanting you was a slow kind of suffering.
âWhat thing?â you breathed out, eyes threatening to close.
Heesung pressed his hips against yours, one hand wrapping softly against your neck while his mouth found your cheek. âkeep pretending. âs fine.â his lips teased at the corner of your lip. âiâll make you remember, okay? You just stay here like the brat you are, lemme show you.â
You gasped as his words carved a burning ache in your stomach, your orbs rolling back under the lids; his expert fingers squeezed just enough at your neck for it to be not overwhelming but delicious. You keened, head throwing back against the wall and the hallway remained silent, like everyone had gone home and left you there.
The second he kissed you, the thread that kept you from tipping over the edge snapped in two. Your hands, which had been the anchor restraining you, went to his hair, like thatâs truly where they belonged, and tugged at the ends as a sign of defiance. His tongue slipped in your mouth warm with need and unspoken things, and his hips ground into yours shamelessly. You couldnât differentiate hatred and desire in this dangerous dance, and at no moment did you want to pull away. It was messy, hungry, needy even, it never crossed the line of softness, making it known this was release and nothing more.
Heesung cupped your face, until there was no space between you and the wall and you and him, his name living at the bottom of your stomach.
âYou remember now?â His hands traveled down to your hips, âhad my hands on you just like that. was the first time you ever shut your mouth.â
You trembled against him, tugging at his hair as a way of showing you still had the upper hand -which you didnât quite frankly- and he replied with a low groan against your mouth.
âCareful.â
He took your lower lip in between his teeth, not enough to inflict pain but to leave behind a trail of goosebumps, your hands clutching his t shirt now, prying him closer, like close just wasnât close enough. You fit right against him like a secret, your bodies like two lost puzzle pieces, one bitter the other tense.
Your hands trailed to his waist band, slipping under his t shirt and onto bare skin, earning a moan, while his followed the same path, cupping your breasts through your top like you both werenât in the company building in an isolated hallway. When he pinched your clothed nipple, rolling it between his digits, mouth buried in your neck, your hips chased his, needing friction to alleviate the pain between your legs.
âI think i found the way to make you shutup.â he said between sloppy kisses on your jaw. âiâll just have to do that everytime you piss me off.â
The hard ridge of Heesungâs erection rubbed between your legs, the fabric of his sweatpants making it. impossible to hide the tent forming there.
âyouâre - fuckâŠ. way too comfortable.â you tugged at his hair, until his head was thrown back now, turning the tables.
The long column of his throat was stretched, adamâs apple bobbing with rapid breaths, and you wanted to bite him right there, like a vampire. You settled for kisses, one hand tracing a path from the plain of his chest to his waistband. You gave it a teasing tug, his hips jerking for a quick second, and your hand slipped inside, immediately cupping him over his boxers. He was undeniably big, rock hard and did you mention big?
Heesung went back to your mouth like moth to a flame, kissing you until all you could taste was him, your hand slipping behind his underwear and wrapping around his aching cock. He moaned in the kiss, unable to stop his hips from searching your hand.
âSee? Now youâre the one who shut up.â you teased, thumb finding his slick tip, spreading the precum.
You gave him a stroke, his hips twitching like youâd set him on fire, and he buried his face in your neck, not out of submissions or shame, but because he needed to feel you since he couldnât melt into your body.
âIâm just letting you have your fun midget, nothing more nothing less.â he retorted.
You stroked him again, fingers cupping his balls and slightly squeezing. âArenât you so kind.â
Heesung ground into your hand, chasing the friction only your fist could provide. He knew he couldnât fuck you right there, but -god- he wanted to, he wanted to strip you bare, bend you over boxes and have you clench around him. But he couldnât.
So instead he savored the feeling of your hand one last moment before pulling it out of this pants and lifting you up in his arms, like a potato sack.
âHey? What the fuck?â you argued.
âWeâre going to my place. Shutup.â
It was needless to say, 20 minutes after, you were in his bed, straddling his lap. The ride had been tough, stolen glances, his bag had stayed atop his sweatpants to hide the mess there, and your legs had stayed crossed, trying to fight the ache. The second youâd entered the Enhypen dorms, no one was home, everyone supposedly in another city, Heesung had picked you up, vehemently resuming his kiss, and he had sat down on the king sized bed his room was equipped with.
You didnât even take the time to analyze the space, too busy taking off your top and bra in one go; and when his hands found your breasts, your gauge of interest for his taste in decoration emptied out. His expert fingers circled your nipples, taking one in his mouth and sucking, leaving you breathless, while the other fondled the right one until it became red.
You didnât even question or hesitate why you were here, the plan was to take what you so desperately needed, and then go home hopefully relaxed. So you pushed him down on the bed, earning a low chuckle.
âWhat do you think youâre doing?â Heesung grabbed both of your wrists, flipping you. âYou think you can just do whatever you wanna do? You think you get to be a brat all the fucking time and then act like this? I thought youâd know better babyâŠâ he said against your flushed skin.
You tried to fight his grip, but eventually you gave up, mostly because part of you knew you didnât dislike him being like that. That was rhe worst. So you stopped tensing, you threw your head back against the soft pillows, feeling the weight of him between your legs. And when he stood up, looking down at you all spread on his bed, he lost it, taking off his sweatpants and t shirt, boxers remaining, he found the spot between your legs, fingers grazing there.
âAre you gonna be good and let me touch you?â
When you didnât give an explicit answer, he took your chin in between his fingers, âI asked you something, brat. Go on, answer me.â
You looked at him through your lashes, âYes. Just do it.â
Heesung clicked his tongue, unsatisfied, but his fingers spread your arousal on your folds, âThatâs not a good answer, try again.â
Your hips desperately chased a friction, wanting more and more, âPlease, just- i need this.â
âAw.â he cooed, âdo you now? how bad? Tell me how bad baby.â
âSo bad Heesung. Please, stop being mean and just-â You were cut off when he indulgently slipped a finger inside of you.
âSee?â he dragged his fingers teasingly âit wasnât that hard.â
Heesung watched your every expression, testing your reaction, associating sounds to his movements and paces, trying to learn you, and learn what made you go crazy. He found very quickly that you loved having your clit played with, fingers dipping into your sopping hole before circling the bundle of nerves, tight circles thatâs made your head tip back.
âHow does that feel? Is that good?â he asked, to which you replied with a wanton nod.
You moaned, arched, thrashed, it felt so good and yet so foreign, you hadnât been touched in years, and now you were about to come in 2 minutes, which was already embarrassing as it was, but he quickly added two fingers, your thighs shaking.
âSo beautiful, look at you, falling apart on my fingers.â he praised, sucking a dark spot on your collarbone as he drove his fingers faster.
In a couple seconds, you were shaking, moaning and legs closing around his arm, coming so hard your vision turned white. It took you a few seconds to regain consciousness, trembling with aftershocks, you propped yourself on your elbows and looked at him, his fingers covered in your slick going straight into his mouth. He licked them clean, reverently leaning down to lick the remaining wetness on your inner thighs.
âYou did so good. Canât believe thatâs all it took for you to be a good girl fâme.â
The next second consisted of you desperately taking off his boxers, like you just couldnât wait for him any longer. You thanked him with a rewarding stroke, his cock heavy and throbbing from almost an hour of waiting, and his hips followed your hand, head tipping down on your shoulder. âshit- fuckâŠâ he cursed, trying to keep a semblant of control, but the way your hand moved turned him into a puddle of water. You found his balls, heavy and needy, and gave them a squeeze, letting the tip of him drag against your soaked pussy and you cupped his face with the other hand.
âI need you to fuck me now, hard, can you do that please?â you said in his ear, it wasnât even intended to be seductive or anything, it was just need colliding with newfound energy.
You swore you couldâve seen his eyes roll back, his cock twitched in your hand, like he could cum just by hearing that. âFuck⊠you donât even know-â he started, breath shaky, âspread your legs.â
You did, instantly, and he let his cock slide between your folds, âgood girl. thatâs it.â
Heesung wanted to tease you, edge you until you were begging and crying with frustration, thatâs what heâd wanted to do from the moment heâd heard you snap at him for the first time, a few months ago. But he also felt he could come with one stroke of your hand, so to maintain his facade, he gripped your thighs, and slid the tip of his cock inside. You moaned, back arching off the bed and hands gripping at his biceps, and he slid in progressively, watching your every reaction.
âI hate that youâre so fucking beautiful.â he grit his teeth, bottoming out with a groan. Heesung thought he knew a lot about sex, thought he had experience, but the feeling of your walls clenching around him, gripping him like a vice, was something heâd never felt before, and he was so gone. It wasnât long. before his hips were rutting, sharp strokes, the head of him brushing against your deepest point.
âyou feel so good, fuck- how can you feel so good.â Heesung slipped his tongue in your mouth.
Your arms wrapped around him, legs also, like you wanted him to be a second skin, âMore⊠harder please. I need it- It feels so good.â
And when he heard you admit that it indeed felt good, he moaned, hips twitching like he was fighting not to come, âI know, i know, youâre being so good.â He rewarded you with sharp thrusts, faster ones, the tip hitting that sweet spot over and over so blissfully.
Heesung went even harder now, complying to your wishes, fucking you like the whole world was about to end, deep k down he knew you needed this as much as he did.
âMmh, youâre gonna make me come..â you moaned, uncontrollably squeezing him.
âWait for me⊠are you gonna be a good girl and wait for me?â
You nodded desperately, fingers threading in his hair. He kissed you passionately, his rough hands planting themselves on your waist, handling you like a rag doll as he pulled your whole body down to meet his hard thrusts, making you cry out loudly every time your bodies met. He trailed a hand down to where your bodies intertwined and began circling your wet clit with his thumb, sending shockwaves down your spine.
"Don't stop⊠I'm s-so close" you begged loudly, throwing your head back in pleasure. His thrusts stayed the same -rough and deep- his thumb applying slight pressure onto your sensitive bud, rubbing fast.
You felt your high approaching, your thighs began to shake violently, your back arching slightly off the bed, your eyes rolling back from the overwhelming pleasure.
"Let it go, i got you," Heesung whimpered against your ear, and that was enough to send you over the edge, the strong wave of your orgasm crashing over your whole body.
Your orgasm rocked you beyond comprehension, body lapsing into convulsions, your figure slumping into the plush of the mattress. Heesung chased his own, sharp thrusts making you go crazy, he buried his face in your neck, inhaling your scent.
âShit-fuck⊠i canât-â
Heesung spilled inside of you, warm and thick, cursing your name like youâd hexed him. He kept thrusting, pushing it even deeper, hips snapping desperately like he just couldnât stop. He stayed inside, like this was better than facing you in the aftermath, he stayed buried where you were the softest, where you indulged him.
And what you didnât know, was that you werenât relaxed at all, on the contrary : you wanted more, what a greedy little creature you were. Things had been said during sex, things youâd never bother to say if it wasnât for the circumstance. Exhaustion had peeled both of you open in the ugliest way possible, stripping away the carefully maintained distance until all that remained were impulsive reactions and heat and denial disguised as carelessness.
And maybe the most dangerous part was that youâd begun memorizing new pages of his facial expression book without meaning to.
For months, Lee Heeseung had lived inside your head as a man with three expressions at most : neutral, mildly judgmental, and the occasional microscopic smile reserved for moments where you embarrassed yourself beyond repair.
But now there were others.
Eyes darkened by exhaustion.
The tense flicker in his jaw when he got overwhelmed.
The way his brows pulled together when something unexpectedly affected him.
The expression he wore after kissing you, like he hated the fact heâd enjoyed it as much as he did.
You wished you didnât know those expressions existed.
Wished your body hadnât learned them so intimately.
well that took a loooong time omfg. the smut is bad in so sorry i got pissed at myself halfway through. Theyâre not perfect or defined by a single word, their dynamic is weird and i hope it made as much sense on here than it did in my head⊠đâđ»
đȘđđđ„đ the AC and shower in your apartment stops working, youâre in desperate need of a way to cool down from the horrid temperatures. luckily for you, your sexy neighbor is more than happy to help you cool off during these times.
genre smut (lowkey vanilla as fuck, with a pinch of roughness at the end) áàœČàŒá«àŸ featuring â±â neighbor lee heeseung x fem! reader
cautions â€ïž âââââââ smut ( 18+ do not interact if youâre not 18 and over ), p in v sex, reader nearly passes out in the shower, brief heat exhaustion mention if you dig really deep.
đ„» WORDCOUNT â 1,307 not âââ âïžproof read
of course on the hottest day of the year, your AC and shower decide to stop working. your apartment was too humid, you couldnât bare staying in there any longer than you needed to.Â
you went out by the hallway, trying to contact maintenanceâjust in your luck, nobody answers. you reached out to the buildingâs manager, straight to voicemail. slowly yet surely you were losing hope.Â
the only thing keeping you cool at this point was the random, useless soda vending machine at the end of the hallway. sure it wasnât much, but at least cool air was radiating from it.
your frustrated groans caused your end of the hall neighbor to come out of his space, leaning against the ice dispenser.Â
âhaving issues?â heeseung asks, watching you aggressively type on your cell phone.Â
âshit, you scared me.â you jump back. âyeah, my AC and shower stopped working. i have no where to cool off.âÂ
heeseung laughs. âso you chose to hug the soda machine?â a brief pause before continuing. âwhy didnât you just come knock on my door, i wouldâve let you in.âÂ
âwell.. is that offer still on the table?â you question, wondering if it was a lie or not.Â
âof course the offer is still there. come on in.â heeseung leads you into his unit.Â
heeseungâs apartment unit was cool, the AC at full blastâit was in way better than the condition of your apartment.  you sat on his couch, making yourself comfortable as heeseung gave you a glass of cold water.Â
âyou mentioned your shower was broken, why donât you use mine.â heeseung sits down, his body twistsâpointing to the bathroom.Â
you remove your lips from the glass, lipstick staining its rim. âoh no itâs okay, iâll wait for maintenance to come fix it.â you set the glass onto the table. âplus i didnât bring any clothes with me.âÂ
âthatâs okay, you can just wear mine.âÂ
the couch dips as heeseung gets back up, jogging into his bedroom to retrieve a pair of shorts and a t-shirt he doesnât wear anymore. âlet me know if you need anything.âÂ
you thank him before standing up, and walking over to the bathroom. you leave the door open ajar, pealing off your sweat soaked clothesâand stepping into the cool water flowing out from the shower head.Â
the heat does start getting to you, a feeling of overheating hitting your system. you hold onto the shower walls, hoping in some way, this feeling will go away.Â
but it doesnât, in fact, it only gets worse.Â
âheeseung.â you call out. âcan you come in here?â
you hear the door handle being fumbled, signaling his presence. âeverything okay?âÂ
you lie. âyeah.. i just needed some company.âÂ
âcompany? why didnât you say so?â heeseung sits on the covered toilet seat. âso tell me about your day.âÂ
you talk to him about the events of your day, attempting to recall as much as you could. your words became to slow down, becoming more and more incoherent. heeseung picks up on it, but heâs afraid to step in and ask.Â
âi lied. can you come in here with me. i donât feel well.â you grip onto the shower wall tighter.Â
heeseung hesitates at first, but worries wash over him quickly as he heard less and less from you. he takes a deep breath, before pulling back the shower curtain slowly.Â
heeseung finds you in the corner of the shower, hands pressed onto the shower wall. once he enters, you grab his forearm, you also grab his now soaked shirt.
heeseung grabs your hips, holding you under the cold water. your vision blurs, barely making out his figure. heeseung uses his free hand to splash your face with the cool liquid.Â
after continuously splashing water against you, your vision becomes clear, youâre finally able to process what happened.Â
âoh god..â you look at him terrified. âthat was awful.â
âscared me for a sec.â heeseung tries to catch his breath.Â
his arm reach out of the shower, grabbing the closest towel and wrapping it around your body. heeseung wasted no time carrying you to his bedroom, allowing you to sit. he grabs the glass of water resting on his bedside table, putting it to your lips.Â
âdrink.â he quietly demands, not taking no for an answer.Â
you open your mouth and take a couple sips. heeseung sits beside you, still a bit shaken up from the previous event.Â
âi can give you some space.. if you want.â he gently brushes your damp hair out of your face.Â
âno. stay.â  you grab onto his forearm, again.
heeseungâs mind is everywhere, quite frankly in the gutters. he has his hot neighbor sitting on his bed, only a towel around her body. she was holding onto him with everything sheâs got.Â
youâre not doing any good either, half naked on your neighbors bed, a bit lightheaded from the heatâbut wet from the thick tension between the two of you.
âokay, iâll stay.â heeseung moves closer, his thigh now touching yours.Â
he doesnât care that his comforter is now wet. all heeseung cared about is making sure youâre okay, and maybe getting that towel off of you.Â
âthank you for helping me in the shower.â you break the silence. âi probably wouldâve fallen, or worse.â
âitâs no problem, iâm just glad i was there to help you.âÂ
heeseung didnât move, neither did you. in fact, all you wanted to do was pull him closer, and thank him for being there during a vulnerable moment.Â
you both looked at each other, hunger in both your eyesâin the way you both gripped onto each other. your hand was still on his forearm, this time only tighter. heeseungâs arm wrapped around your waist, holding you steady.Â
you lean in close, placing a small kiss on heeseungâs closed lips. your lips donât part, in fact youâre only testing the waters, making sure you both want this.Â
that small kiss only made heeseung pull you closer. both his hands rest on your hips, pulling you into his lap. he kisses you, more passion, his hands roaming above the damp towel.Â
you kiss him like youâre hungry, tongue swirling with his, memorizing every muscle, all the movements you can. your hands wrap around his neck loosely, molding yourself onto his body.Â
heeseungâs frustration grows louder, tugging the towel off your body â tossing it onto the floor ever so carelessly. he doesnât care where it lands, his skin just needs to touch yours.Â
his lips trail from yours, along your jaw, down your neck, down the valley of your tits. heeseungâs fingers toy with your nipples, lightly tugging on the skin, watching your reactions.Â
âheeseung..â you moan, breathing heavily.Â
âwhere do you want me, baby?â he asks, hand still cupping your tit.
you reach for his hand, guiding him to where you need him the mostâin between your legs.Â
âfuck.â heeseung groans, rubbing your clit in circles. âyouâre ready for me baby, arenât you?â
you nod yes, encouraging him to rub you more. your back arches off the bed, hips rolling onto his hand.  your hand reaches for his shorts, tugging at the material.Â
heeseung wastes no time, sliding his shorts down to his ankles. he gives himself a few strokes before sliding into you completely.Â
âyouâre so fucking tight.â heeseung murmurs against your skin, his lips latching onto your neck as he thrusts into your pussy.Â
âharder..â you whine, just inches away from your upcoming orgasm.Â
the pace picks up, heeseung begins rutting into you.  your back pushed into the mattress with every animalistic thrust, legs shaking as your orgasm washes over you. Â
heeseungâs seed pours deep inside you, a string of cum trickling out from your used hole as he pulls out. he plops beside you, panting for air.Â
âyou knowâŠyouâre always welcome in my apartment.â heeseung chuckles, cleaning off your inner thigh.Â
âi am?â you lay your head on his chest, looking up at heeseung.Â
âmost definitely, especially when you need to cool off.â heeseung caresses your back, pulling you close to him as you both sleep into a deep slumber. Â
notes â€ïž ââââ in honor of summer approaching, being nearly done with finals, and finally gaining an ounce of motivation to post. ignore how crappy the smut is, itâs been 3 months since i wrote smut TT