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CHART Nobody Cares That Doug Christie Was In North Korea Too

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You'll Never Believe The Snide Comment Chris Christie Left At A Fort Lee Cracker Barrel

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#christie chris christie #chris christie?#chris christie #there's an ill korean spa in fort lee though #chris christie nick saban iowa state basketball

Arby's To Introduce Reverse Breakfast!

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#yellow eggs #milk poured everywhere #sheer breakfast chaos

Click Here To Find Out What All Of The Dudes At The Gym Are Grunting About!

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#pyschoanalysis (lacanian)#nitzer ebb on the headphones #you're mouthing along to nitzer ebb at the gym #you author deoptimize #putting her feelings first #altruistic grunting

These Are Ten Things I Didn't Learn Today (VIDEO)

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#empathy #empathy in ten dimensions #maybe nine dimensions #i'm hungry and lonely #whattaburger

Read Here And Cry, And Find Out How!

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#reverse heisman candidates #vegan holiday ideas #hdtv professional sports #sustainable HVAC maintenance #basso profundo #external hard drives

The 12,000 Orgasms Obama Doesn't Want You To Have

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#more like borgasm #mambo no. 5

Secret Reason Of Deoptimize Hiatus Revealed!

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#upworthy #we founded upworthy #i'm wearing a track suit at a board meeting right now #it's velour #yeah what

So How You Ladies Doing Tonight?

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#my name is deoptimize and I'm a freshman American Studies major

REVEALED You Will Never Believe The One Weird Trick That Buzzfeed Played On Upworthy (SLIDESHOW)

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#shaving cream on the windshield #prank calling upworthy with surreal pizza orders #surreal pizza #hyperreal pizza #hyperreal dessert pizza with like m&m's on it #but the m&m's are polygons #james lipton #andrea bargnani #reverse sandwiches #weltschmerz

Here's How You Live A Pants-Optional Lifestyle SLIDESHOW

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#step one don't wear pants #step two don't consider it #i suppose you can wear an apron if you're frying stuff in oil #tenure

DEOPTIMIZE EXCLUSIVE You'll Never Believe What Happened During Alec Baldwin's Last Visit To Cracker Barrel

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#homophobic rock candy #country fried hate gravy #peg game

Since You Asked For It, Here's That Joyce Carol Oates Review Of The Mike Tyson Autobiography

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#nyrb stealing deoptimize's ideas #eugene ionesco

REPORT You Can't Make An Egg Without Breaking A Few Omelettes

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#no duh #no way #way!#ouai!#que?

Deoptimize to Redeoptimize in Q2 (SLIDESHOW)

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#set phasers to buy #buy buy buy!#click sounds #future retro short sales #ironically curated portfolios

WSJ: Click Here To Read Nouriel Roubini's Open Letter To Nouriel Roubini

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#reminder: heartworm meds for poochy

Here Is What the Iowa Hawkeyes 2012-13 Basketball Season Taught Me About Heteroskedasticity

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#if i'm so smart why didn't I bet on any of these games #spoiler: i'm not very smart #humanities degrees in flyover states #go hawks #go hox

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