Deoxys-Real

Real as fuck. Dipshits, Dorks, and Big Green Noodly Sky Bastards piss right off and die because you're all fake as hell.

[mousegirlheart]

concept: im a dedenne that knows magnet rise and i refuse to stop using it so you have to tie a string to my leg so I don't float off like a balloon

[mousegirlheart]

she chewed the string off...

[mousegirlheart]

[kaminarider]

Could you move we are kinda in the middle of a thing here

[deoxys-real]

"A thing"? You drag me into some shit like this every week, let her fucking chill, it's not like this shit is unique or interesting at all, I'm sorry something actually interesting happened. I'm sorry someone actually came to see me because I do have friends despite what you claim.

[innerchildabortionclinic]

completely ai generated twitter account: they're apparently executing people in the street for the great crime of being a proud american who likes raw milk

elon musk quote tweet: Concerning

[deoxys-real]

Am I Punk? Serious answers only please.

[deoxys-real]

Be honest, do you think there's any chance at all that I get into Wind and Waves or are they still going to be mad about that time in the early 2000's when I said I thought Miyamoto's suit looked gay? (it was intended as a compliment, and also it did)

[deoxys-real]

By the way I do events, please hire me. I'm available for:

Birthdays

Weddings

Senate Hearings

Wakes (not funerals just the bit afterwards)

Bar/Bat Mizvahs (If I fuck with the kid, otherwise it's unlikely because the dance with the chair getting held up freaks me out because I'm always worried that the kids gonna fall and hurt themselves or something)

Anniversaries (only the good ones though if it doesn't end with a 0 or they're lowkey going to get divorced soon don't bother reaching out)

Anything else please ask first but the answer is probably going to be no because I won't feel like it.

[deoxys-real]

Sorry for not posting recently, that long green cunt fucked my shit up and I'm in the Pokémon centre right now.

[flareonfloof]

ok so im flareon and glaceon, im dating a leafeon, mutuals with sylveon and vaporeon

just need espeon, umbreon, and jolteon to complete the set

[flareonfloof]

two left where's the gen 2 eevees

[deoxys-real]

I'm not any of those but can I chill anyways?

[deoxys-real]

Could I run in a UK election too? Or would they be biased against me and exclude me for being myself?

[deoxys-real]

ayo rayquaza paid me 3,300,000 pokedollars to rat your location out should I

That stupid green fuck knows where I am already and if they're offering people money for my location then they're just trying to fuck with me.

HEY @rayquaza YOU KNOW WHERE I AM FUCKING 24°17'19.82"N 153°58'53.81"E YOU WANT SOME COME AND FUCKING GET IT!!!

[deoxys-real]

I thought I was in a crazy polycule situation, but it turns out that I was just 3rd wheeling for a bunch of monogamous couples at the same time. I thought I was at the centre of a wheel like formation, but none of the other couples are even doing anything with one another.

[deoxys-real]

The 4th of July is actually International Deoxys day. As far as I know no other holiday is observed on this date. This means you all have to be nice to me today

[deoxys-real]

$1,000,000 or Dinner with me?

$1,000,000

Dinner with Deoxys

Voting ended onJul 3

[deoxys-real]

$100,000 or Dinner with me?

$100,000

Dinner with Deoxys

Voting ended onJul 4

[deoxys-real]

$1 or Dinner with me?

$1

Dinner with Deoxys (please)

Voting ended onJul 5

[deoxys-real]

$1,000,000 or Dinner with me?

$1,000,000

Dinner with Deoxys

Voting ended onJul 3

[deoxys-real]

$100,000 or Dinner with me?

$100,000

Dinner with Deoxys

Voting ended onJul 4

[deoxys-real]

$1,000,000 or Dinner with me?

$1,000,000

Dinner with Deoxys

Voting ended onJul 3

[deoxys-real]

So, about that tick disease going around that turns you into a gay vegan by giving you a meat allergy, I have to apologise because that one is kind of on me. Like, I was new to earth, had just been born in the sky via all the laser bullshit at the time, so I didn't know better. But yeah basically someone working for the US government took a sample of me, and long story short it's my DNA in those ticks. My bad everyone.

[deoxys-real]

I say gay because they also used my DNA to turn the frogs gay way back in the Obama administration. Yeah, that actually happened and it wasn't chemicals. The US government has thousands of Petri-dishes filled with lab grown me, and I can't do jack shit about it.

I don't know why I turn frogs gay, I'm not sure if that happens to humans or not, but if it does than it means that because of me local queer spaces are about to get invaded by tick bitten posers, and I need to apologise to the queer community in advance in case that does actually happen.

[deoxys-real]

So, about that tick disease going around that turns you into a gay vegan by giving you a meat allergy, I have to apologise because that one is kind of on me. Like, I was new to earth, had just been born in the sky via all the laser bullshit at the time, so I didn't know better. But yeah basically someone working for the US government took a sample of me, and long story short it's my DNA in those ticks. My bad everyone.

[deoxys-real]

Fuuuuuck I just wanted to go out for a nice brunch with the girls, but we all trusted Katie when she said that she had gotten over getting dumped by Todd, so we didn't keep an eye on her and she's gone waaaay to hard on the margs and caused a scene. Now I'm in the bathroom with her holding her hair while she cries and throws up, having to be like "Forget about him babe! Todd was trash and you deserve better!" even though lowkey Todd was one of the sweetest and most sensitive guys I've ever met. I can't tell her this, but Katie was definitely the one who caused the problems in that relationship, and I actually don't think she can do better than Todd, because that was already basically a miracle. She's probably going to rebound with some guy who does Crypto/A.I. podcasts again.