STONEHENGE.

  大世界里 渺⼩的我  

[depouvoir]

            ❀ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 顧冬梅 𝐊𝐔 ❀                          daughter of bia ──── ❝it seems my fight will never be over.❞

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when manon wakes before dawn, the day is still just as it will always be. she has coffee and breakfast at her kitchen table for one, puts on her boots, ties up her hair. this routine comes from three years of building a life for herself -- for just herself. happiness and sadness both fall off the radar, responsibilities of war and protection slowly replaced by farm work, classes, family. for the first time in her twenty-three years, manon understands what it looks like to be human. 

when she opens the door at sunrise to head into work and sees you, hand already raised to knock, you see her frown first. that can’t be a good sign for you. her hands lift, slightly deflated when she asks you why you’re at her doorstep, almost as if she didn’t want to have to ask. as if she just wanted to say she has somewhere to be and walk right past you. judging by her thick camper file, you can only assume it is the tie to responsibility that keeps her from knocking you on your ass from the get go. 

“please, manon. you know what’s coming for all of us. this isn’t something you can ignore by living this... this ordinary life.” 

she frowns again, and immediately you know the chosen words aren’t the right ones to convince her. she likes her life here. she likes the distance created, likes being something besides a weapon of war. 

it isn’t my fight anymore, she tells you, hands still hovering in the air after, my life may be ordinary here, but it is mine.

well -- you certainly aren’t arguing the latter. briefly you scan her home, the meticulously stacked bricks, the tidy of everything in its place. it’s much more domestic and lived in than you had expected from her, the warrior you had known once. manon closes the door behind her, quickly signing a sorry as she brushes past you. fuck. you need her. 

“who’s going to protect kyrie when the time comes?” the words rush out before you can stop them. this isn’t fair. this isn’t right, to attack her where her duty lies hardest -- you know this, and justify your actions with the necessities of war. you watch her stop in her tracks and wonder if you’ve just won this battle. after a moment, manon keeps walking, and throws her bag in the back of her truck. you let out a sigh, unprepared to take the hard route to get her to camp. 

she turns back to you, waiting until she’s close enough before signing, we drive separately. you’re paying for my flight and truck transport. 

“y-yes! yes, of course!” thank gods that worked.

manon opens the door to her home, this time leaving it open for you. she only packs one more bag before you both leave for the nearest international airport. you keep interjecting to fill long silences, attempting cheer and excitement. she only smiles and nods at most, and when you’re finally at camp, manon doesn’t sign a single word before leaving your side. it doesn’t matter, really. you’ve done your job, and cross her name off a long list. 

[no-oscar-dicaprio]

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japanese breakfast covers “romulus” by sufjan stevens, live on sirius xmu

[depouvoir]

oceaneyesjasper​:

     Jasper liked to keep people guessing. It went hand in hand with his reflex to always push others away before they could get too close to him, but it was also a useful tactic when it came to fighting. Nothing was more powerful sometimes than the element of surprise, after all. Green eyes watched her as she weighed up her options, Jasper unable to help smirking slightly. Manon wasn’t like him. She wore how she felt on her sleeve for all of the world to see and while he may have liked that because it made her easy to read, it was a weakness in the wrong context. “Good choice” he nodded, rising from where he’d sat. In or Out, a simply posed question that held far more weight than it should have. She had walked out of his life once before, he just wanted to know whether to give her the cold shoulder now that she was back or not. Surprisingly, however, she’d chosen right. “Follow me” he uttered excitedly, passing her to leave his cabin. Did he know where he was going? No. But he would figure it out. He always did.

.

it’s almost alarming how easy it is to fall back into old patterns. regardless of doubts and anxiety, of course, manon agrees to follow him -- because what was her purpose if not to follow the words of another? she has a bad feeling about this. in all fairness, manon has a bad feeling about most things, riddled with anxious concerns for matters that have yet to occur -- but still, she worries. even now, following jasper through campgrounds comes with a spike in her nervous system, eyes watching him more than the path he leads them on. at least it was going better than she had anticipated. at least he hadn’t slammed the door on her face or cursed her name the way she pictured so many times in her head. at least he let her come along with him, because despite the bad feeling, she’d still rather have his acceptance than to run from the feeling. it’s only after a while does she finally whistle low for his attention, signing when he looks at her, what are we doing at this part of camp? 

[depouvoir]

wynncooper​:

“  take a seat, we’re gonna be here a while. ” @depouvoir​

Wynn let out a sigh. “But how much longer?” she whined her hand making a waving motion around her so she could flop dramatically on a white cloud. “I feel like we’ve been waiting ages! I have wrinkles now.”

you’ve never had a wrinkle in your life, manon signs, expressions playful and amused. it’s true -- wynn is and has always been flawless, and manon is and has always been in awe. she doesn’t think wynn even needs to use any powers on her to make her feel this way. we can either keep waiting, or... we could just leave. huh. even manon wasn’t expecting those words to sign out of her -- apparently the time away has made her less of an obedient lapdog. she smiles at wynn, patient enough to keep waiting, willing enough to go do something else. i’ll leave it up to you.

[bonniegold]

[depouvoir]

cfgemstones​:

[ “how far can you throw me” /// @depouvoir ]

          hana looked up from the bracelet she’d been working on to study manon “hmm… in what way? like how would i be carrying you?” hana was taller but she also knew that she didn’t have the build to just throw people around but she did have some experience from when did cheerleading when she was younger “cause if you want me to throw you like a spear that totally isn’t happening.”

there isn’t anyone at camp who can shoot the shit like manon’s friend hana. everything she says or does manages to put a smile on her face, draw laughter from her lungs and pull her higher - to a place where she’s not as heavy. she is, though -- heavy that is, and certainly much too for anyone to just pick up and toss, but hana? manon’s always got faith in hana. she thinks on it a moment, nose wrinkled and eyes squinted upward until finally she leans off her palms to speak, what if it’s, like, a basket toss? and again, a playful smile, having fun doing nothing at all, you know, because i’m like, your baby. manon ends up blushing in her bashfulness at saying something so cringe, laughing at herself. it’s not that far off -- hana always took care of her. 

[feral-ballad]

Then it comes to me: Yes I’ll die, so will everyone, so has everyone. It’s what we have in common. And for a moment, the sorrow ceased, and I saw that it hadn’t been sorrow after all, but loneliness,

Marie Howe, from Magdalene: Poems; “October”

[depouvoir]

oceaneyesjasper​:

     If anybody would have asked Jasper on his first day here at Camp Half-Blood who he had least expected to become friends (or at least civil) with, it was definitely Manon. The same was true now given their rather complicated history, but the two had found a way to tolerate one another. Perhaps he’d have even let her in, but that lid was glued shut now that she had left him once. It would take more to get him to open it up again. No, I only see her when she’s here at camp, remember? He rose his brows, shaking his head as he began to smirk. Oh, no. I don’t plan. I just do. In or out? Would she be entirely justified in not holding blind faith in him? Absolutely. Did Jasper expect her to, anyways? Of course he did. 

.

everything with jasper always feels like waiting. waiting for him to throw the first punch, waiting for him to tell her what it is that she’s done to him, waiting for his forgiveness -- that one, it seems, she would have to keep waiting for. she watches him carefully, already settled in the feeling of wanting to crawl out of her skin. why was it always like this? why did just his presence alone always bring out the shakiest of her nerves? and now he’s testing her -- he could be just like the gods sometimes. she mulls over her two options for a moment. in or out? out meant that this rift between them continues to grow, and everything they had built before, all of the trust and respect that once existed is that much harder to get back. and in? manon doesn’t know what that means, what that looks like. somehow, the unknown is less frightening. she sees him start to smirk, and kind of wants to hit him. instead, for reasons not even she understands, manon starts to smile in return, nodding before she replies. okay. in. 

[depouvoir]

- wicked games

@mischiefchld​

to say that manon was conflicted, and mostly unhappy, about being back at camp was an understatement. she forgot about how careful she has to be in a wooden cabin, how she always feels inferior to the children of artemis, and how her insecurities and anxieties were always at an all time high when it came to proving her station here. she tries to smile at some of the other campers -- new campers she hadn’t met before, ones who didn’t know a thing about her, and they scoff. her smile falters, eyebrows tugging and pulling her expression apart. so much for the welcome wagon. she finishes tying her boots up, and heads toward the door. maybe she’ll have better luck on the training grounds -- at least she knew what she could do in that space. 

she barely makes it out two steps when ryo comes barreling into her, manon’s foot digging into the earth beneath her to hold them both steady. she looks at the crack she makes in the ground, then back up at him, disapproval written all over her expression. from around the corner she can hear angry, chattering campers, looking for ‘the bastard who did this’, and manon’s look of disapproval turns into a much more knowing one as panic flashes over her eyes, signing frantically. on day one, ryo? at the very least, there is relief in knowing that no matter how much time passes, some things never change. she’s quick to shove him into the cabin, ear pressed to the door when it closes. only when the footsteps retreat does she turn back around, hands at the ready to speak. what did you do? and how the hades is she going to get him out of trouble? the other campers in the cabin seem slightly startled, and manon gives a weak, apologetic smile for barging in with a stranger, pulling him by the wrist to give him the privacy to explain his misdeeds. and, no, manon doesn’t know for sure he has done something, but at the same time, doesn’t she? 

[depouvoir]

- backbone

@violentclouds​

the entire drive to camp is spent wondering, wishing to just turn back around - head to the airport, buy a ticket home. call it a day. hasn’t she fought enough? haven’t her hands done enough damage for the cause? it would be so easy to just turn her truck around, to text her dad and tell him, baba, i’m coming home. i don’t want to fight anymore. ...but somewhere in the back of mind, the words are repeated again and again. who’s going to protect kyrie when the time comes? she frowns, and adds gas to the accelerator. 

despite having not set foot on campgrounds in years, everything still looks the same. still smells the same. it’s strange, in a way, how none of it feels real yet, almost like experiencing a hyper-lucid sense memory. manon can hear the recruiter trying to say something to her, but she doesn’t listen, already pushing past the crowd to let her feet take her where she needs to go -- the whole reason why she came back in the first place. she finds herself in front of zeus’ cabin soon enough, readjusting the falling bag on her shoulder as she climbs up the steps and makes her way inside. as soon as she sees kyrie, manon lets both bags fall to the ground, empty handed as she walks over with a growing smile. without ceremony or dramatics, manon drops to her knees in front of her, one hand bracing the back of kyrie’s head as she leans forward, letting their foreheads touch. for a brief moment, manon can remember why she fights, and why it was so hard to leave in the first place. she can remember her duty. when she detaches from her, it’s with the same smile, her hands now free to sign in rusty american sign language, aren’t you going to welcome me home? 

[depouvoir]

oceaneyesjasper​:

     Jasper watches as she moves further into the cabin, silently assessing as he moves to sit at the edge of his bed. “Who said that I was mad?” He had been furious, but that was beside the point. Jasper would rather play it off as if her disappearing had meant nothing to him than to admit that it had affected him. A lot. Is that a no? he signed slowly, slightly out of practice after having not needed to sign for the last few years. It was a shame that the two of them weren’t allowed to spar anymore, actually. Jasper had a strong feeling that that may have been enough to resolve everything that had been left unsaid in her leaving camp but it wouldn’t happen. 

.

it’s hard not to start smiling, eyes rolling with the shake of her head, yet still the amusement of a smile gives her away completely. sometimes manon wondered what the point of hiding how he really felt was, but that was a question that never weighed with heavy importance to ask. it was enough to know he doesn’t always mean what he says, and doesn’t always say what he means. so she holds no grudges over any poisonous words thrown at her when she left camp, and feels no need now to drive home the point that, yes -- he was furious... but she never was. only ashamed to have disappointed him. manon lets out a slow and low whistle, her way of waving a white flag. if she was going to be forced to fight, then it wouldn’t be against those she considered her friends. whether or not jasper even considered them friends... well, that was something she could never quite place, and hated to assume. your sign is getting sloppy. don’t you practice with kyrie? her hands stay in the air for a moment, the amusement in her smile turning into something a bit more teasing, then small and curious all over again. it depends... what are we doing?

[depouvoir]

oceaneyesjasper​:

Jasper looked up from his sketchbook when he heard footsteps entering his cabin, lips stretching into an amused smirk. “Ah, so they really did bring everybody back, huh?” He wasn’t surprised, more…entertained. While not the most social person at Camp Half-Blood by any means, Jasper preferred it when the place was crowded. The more people he had to spar against, the harder he could push himself. “When did you get here?” he asked, pushing the sketchbook back to it’s spot underneath his bed before he rose from the floor. “I’m so insanely bored. People have been showing up for days but nothing is happening around here. Want to make something happen around here?”

.

the first five minutes are spent outside of the cabin, fiddling fingers nervously picking at her shirt, tangling the ends of her hair; she chews on her bottom lip and to anyone passing by it would be obvious to feel the anxiety radiating off her. she takes four steps away. she takes them right back. she makes it up two steps, and turns back around. when she finally musters enough courage to come in, he seems less annoyed than she thought he’d be. her lips are tight together when she smiles, a meek hand raising to wave. letting jasper talk until he’s finished is easier, sometimes, than trying to answer him part-way through. her shoulders shrug, leaning back on her left foot. just yesterday, she signs, her american sign language a bit rusty after a three year gap from using it. an eyebrow raises when he mentions doing something. does he together? like, with her included? manon has to think it over a minute before her hands lift again to speak, ...so... you’re not still mad at me, then? the same anxious hands flex in the air when she finishes, then drop to her sides, wiping the nerves off on her jeans.

[depouvoir]

- inhale, exhale

@camphalfbloodstarters

habits are hard to break. even before the farm, there was training, manon finding herself working on the same schedule as the sun since she was young. after all of these years, even if she wanted to, her body would never allow her to sleep in. just before dawn can color the sky, manon starts to stir. the first morning back at camp, back in her old cabin, in her old bed. her dreams were deceiving, mundane as it showed her images of herding cows and carrying her weight in fertilizer. when sleeps starts to fall away and her consciousness kicks in, so does the sinking realization that she’s right back where she never wanted to return. a frown pulls at her, drags her out of bed and places her right back into a routine she thought she would have forgotten after three years away. 

without meaning to, manon finds herself standing at the edge of the training grounds, muscle memory overriding all else. it only takes a handful of consideration before she decides to walk away, uninterested -- or perhaps unwilling to get back into the practice of a solider. not quite yet. this time she makes the conscious decision to walk to the water, the calm that comes from a morning breeze and the smell of freshwater enough to relax her shoulders.

instead of the aggression and intensity of wing chun, manon assumes the stance to start her routine tai chi, breaths intentional with every movement. the only time her concentration breaks is when she hears manmade (at least, she hopes it’s only a person) sounds behind her. eyebrows furrowed and fight mode activated, manon whips around on her heels, the open palms of her previous movement now closed fists. when she sees who it actually is, the fists unclench, hardened expression shifting to surprise with an open mouth and widening eyes. her posture eases, feet coming back together to stand out of position, and she chooses not to think about how easy it was for her to slip back into the mindset of a fighter. her hands lift, a small smile finding its way to her when she signs, you’re up early, too? what are you doing here?

[draumas]

CHASE SUI WONDERS 2021, dir. Jeannie Sui Wonders for Anna Sui x Batsheva